Thursday, September 28, 2006

Onboard computers

Chips that power nuclear bombs power my sega
Return of the Crooklyn Dodgers - Jeru

Was just watching TV. Some new show Ugly somebody or the other, it look like it have potential for now till I get tired a watching it in two weeks. Anyway commercial time came and I aint paying too much mind just trying to find where I put the remote so I can channel surf and see what else on.

Same set a damn foolish commercials on as usual. If it aint feminine products is chunky soup which to be honest dem should just call stew cause if it that chunky you can pour it on top of some rice n peas so to me that make it stew not nuh soup. I know we West Indians accustom to some thick soups but don't let dem fool ya man the chunky soup they advertising is really beef stew. Aint no two ways about it! Is just them aint want nobody to feel they eating unhealthy by marketing beef stew in a can that is all. I mean think about it. Which sound better?

"Hey man What is that you eating?"
"Oh this is a can of Chunky soup"

Compare that to "oh this is beef stew in a can"

See what I mean? Alright then!

Then a whole set a commercial about new drugs allo this an allevo than and the next was on. All sorts of drugs for depression and suppression and regression and errectile, projectile difficulties and all sorta business which duz mek me laugh. No don't get me wrong I aint laughing at the people with the illnesses I laughing at how the ads duz talk big and bold about how great the new drugs are and then at the end of it all somebody duz usually come out in a low voice just above a whisper and real real fast give ya a little disclaimer about all the side effects. Something like "Warning cia-vico-nutra-allo-aden has been known to cause diarrhea, nausea, headaches and anal leakage."

Anal wha? Lawd god ave mercy! How sick you would have to be where anal leakage is a good side effect that better than what you have. Wuhloss boy!

Anyways like I was saying I trying to find the remote when some foolish toothbrush commercial come on. I still aint paying no mind when all of a sudden I hear the man say 'the onboard computer will...." Wait a minute. He aint just say onboard computer in a toothbrush did he? No man my ears hearing things. No but the missis confirm that is what the fella say. Well then to quote my Jamaican bredren "Blouse n skirt"!

Of all the combinations I didn't expect to see in my lifetime toothbrush and onboard computer might be way up near the top of the list. Well well well. What is the world coming to? Toothbrushes that going to tell you when you brush long enough and when is time to change the bristles.

And ya know what I think about this toothbrush and likewise technology? Man I feel some of these technologies mekkin we lazy and slow witted. I mean don't tek me wrong I not a dinosaur of the technical age but really these things say they making life easier but what they doing is dulling ya damn common sense. Ya mean now ya aint even got to know when is time to change a toothbrush or how long ya brush ya teeth for and ya relying on a computer for that? Chupse! Suppose somebody mess up the onboard computer and got you brushing for two hours till you brush off all the enamel and ya gums raw cause you waiting for the toothbrush to tell you when to stop?

Wha pretty soon they going have fork with microchip to tell ya when ya eat enough and computerized hair brush so that you don't over brush and damage ya hair. Wait an see I aint claiming to be no Nostradamus but I see dat sorta foolishness in we future.

Then we sit an wonder why the yout so lazy and obesity rampant and people aint seem to have less common sense than before. Chupse!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Mr Fantastic

So the other day the wife say that the way my grey hair coming in on the sides it mekkin me look like the fella Reed Richards on the Fantastic Four movie. So of course I say "Well then you should call me Mr Fantastic". Hear de woman now. "Oh you mean like how we duz call somebody that small big man or a short fella tall boy?" chupse

p.s: Was I the only one who saw Kid Capri pull out his cellie listen to it for a few minutes and then mouth the words "I'll call you back later" while he was on stage in the midst of dj'ing Rakim's performance? Did I actually see that or was it the second hand smoke?

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Murder, mayhem & deja vu

I'm going out blasting taking my enemies with me
Shook Ones - Mobb Deep

Since it happened on Wednesday, I've wanted to talk about the whole Dawson College incident. But what do I say that hasn't been said before?

I could take the easy route and just repeat what the media and two million other websites have stated about the shootings but I didn't want to do that. I mean I could but what exactly would be the point? By now everyone knows that a 25 year old gunman just went into the college and started blasting, injuring 18 persons, killing one young lady and then killing himself.

So what can I say?

When I got home I was actually pretty surprised to see the coverage on TV. There were visuals of young people running for safety and police cordoning off areas outside the school. I hadn't even heard about the incident, I guess that shows how busy I've been at work lately.

Did anyone notice that the killer's mother said he was a good boy? Is it just me or do you notice that a lot with horrific crimes? It doesn't matter, the dude's name could be Adolf Slobadan Bin Laden Mubuto Pinochet and he could have killed more people in reality than every gangsta rappers combined has on wax and his moms will still step up to say he was a good child.

Montreal again! Oh man wasn't it enough that they had the whole Marc Lepine, Ecole Polytechnic shootings there 17 years ago? Damn this Dawson College thing was like deja vu. Anyway I hadn't even heard of Dawson College to be honest even though it turns out that when we lived in Montreal we were only a few blocks away from it. I was thinking from the description I've got to have walked by sometime because I know where the Forum is and Alexis Nihon Mall and Atwater was my subway stop so how was it I missed this college? Weird!

And I found it interesting that they were searching the internet to get insight into the killer's motivations and psyche. Not only that but they, the media that is, seemed surprised that he hadn't left giant footprints and signs saying he was going on a killing spree so that he could be stopped beforehand. Duhhh that only happens in badly written TV shows. All they found was that he was a dispirited youth upset with the world, played first person shooter video games, liked guns and seemed a bit depressed. Sure in hindsight I see warning signals but I'm sure there are tonnes of people, especially young ones who fit that profile but the majority aren't going to try to go out in a blaze of gunshots like he did.

So could this killer have been stopped? Well maybe if society had embraced him or he had embraced society or someone had noticed that something was wrong with him before he started to plot his crimes then maybe.

But once the plot was on unless he had blabbed his intent to someone else or unless we have a bunch of mind readers and psychics like Tom Cruise's Minority Report movie there really is no way to stop a person from doing something like that out of the blue. You can profile all you want but profiles are based on past incidents and other indicators. Someone will always slip one out of the blue case past the profilers.

Mind you he could have been stopped if he was prevented from acquiring the weapons he used on his rampage. Yea I'm still wondering where did this guy get all the guns he had? Now there's a way to prevent some crimes rather than profiling! Stop people from getting access to guns. I didn't know it was so easy to get shotguns and the like in Canada. Don't we have a gun registry and all that? Oh wait maybe he got some stolen guns like all the ones supposedly floating around Toronto because legitimate gun collectors were getting robbed on the regular the last couple of years. Anyway this case will have an impact on the national debate about getting rid of the gun registry. Should be something to watch.

Still back to the killer, I mean yes this guy seemed a little wonky in retrospect but he wasn't as out of the ordinary as some of the weirdos you see everyday on the subway and I don't think most of them are looking to go out in a police shootout do you?

So should we profile more and keep tabs on anyone who plays first person shooter video games? Should we profile everyone who's ever been angry with the world or their job or their family or their neighbour or someone down the street in the corner store? I don't know. But I'm pretty sure it wont stop every other nutcase from slipping through because with this crime it wasn't even like the killer had a connection with the school he shot up. It was just some random out of the blue reason he chose that school to go on his killing spree. You just cant stop random out of the blue.....once the madman acquires the weapons that is.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

When it rains.....

As if having KRS-one here next month and Tribe called Quest next week I believe wasn't enough now the word is that Rakim will be here in about two weeks. Oh man, talk about your deluge of hip hop icons! In my opinion that's having the number 1 and 2 best hip hop artists of all time (forget Biggie and Pac) performing right after each other. Ok so somebody aint getting Christmas presents cause I got to go get me a Rakim ticket.

In other news, had a couple of calypso shows with popular Caribbean artists up here this weekend. All I have to say about that is if you are a new breaking artist with like one hot song, possibly first time on tour outside of your country, you really shouldn't come all the way up here, get drunk and forget half your lyrics. Come on son be professional!

Monday, September 11, 2006

Things done changed

We are at War
Sista Soulja on Terminator-X's Buck Whylin'

Five years ago the world changed. Regardless of whether you agree with the changes or not this has to be an accepted fact.

The day the towers fell the world we existed in drew to a close and a new reality dawned on us in the western world.

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingAt that point in time as most of us watched on TV as the second plane struck the building or later as the towers lost structural integrity and came crumbling down did we really fathom the extent to which the world was going to change? Did we realize then that this was the start of living in a state of war?

A state of war from which we have yet to emerge.

Did we realize that blood would be shed in Afghanistan and Iraq, and that secret military jails would be set up all over the world, that combatants would be interned at Guantanamo? Did we realize that this devastating act would give governments carte blanche to become proactive or preemptive instead of reactive to perceived threats? Did we realize that?

Did we realize that civil liberties would be lost, lives would be upturned, personal information would be collected and our lives would be more restricted all in the name of maintaining our other freedoms? Have we even noticed that yet?

Did we realize that our society would gain new stereotypes? We had become accustomed to that age old one where we feared black men but now there is a new fear of brown folks and folks with long beards, or middle eastern style headwear or other garb which isn't western and folks who pray on planes and folk who bring deodorant and toothpaste and bottled water on planes and anyone who well anyone who just fits the so-called threat profile. Did we anticipate that?

Did we anticipate the Iraq invasion? Did we anticipate the existence of sleeper cells, the fact that your neighbor could be one of them and how much dread the word terrorism would bring with it. Did we realize that any dissident or anyone with a beef against a government could be discredited by labeling him/her a terrorist?

Did we realize that we would view the Islamic religion with new eyes?

Did we realize that governments would clamp down with new security/patriot acts giving them extra powers? Did we realize that any slight disruption to our electricity supply or our subway system could bring out that fear that lurks just beneath the surface that maybe just maybe this time it was another terrorist act? Did these thoughts cross even if so fleetingly across our minds on September 11th 2001?

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingDid we realize that gas prices would be driven sky high, economies would stutter and airplane travel would become a major hassle?

Well 9/11 sure changed things. It gave us an enemy and it gave us new fears.

After the Soviet Union collapsed and the Berlin Wall fell the Western world lacked a distinct threat, a real bad guy to focus on, to put a face to. Well 9/11 changed that. Bin Laden, Al Qaeda a new enemy had emerged.

I wont argue whether the west helped in the creation of this enemy and if so how they did it and I wont argue whether or not the enemy is just a bunch of fundamentalist madmen. The fact is folk exist out there who are probably planning attacks right now and we live now in a world where we wonder, even if its not constantly on our mind, what will be the next target, which country, which city, which group of people will have their everyday lives disrupted. What will be targeted; airports, airplanes, stadiums, buildings, trains? Will it be London, Madrid, Toronto even?

We have no idea. All we know is that the war is on, (even though our leaders might say we're winning or have won already) and as such another strike could happen anywhere because well that's what happens in war.

Things done changed on September 11 2001.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Star Gazing

It always amazes me how our society is obsessed with the cult of celebrity. Not saying that I'm entirely immune but I just think sometimes we go too far.

I thought about this a bit this week for a couple of reasons. For one the Toronto International Film Festival started this week and Toronto is full of big name movie stars premiering their work. Some folk here go crazy over the fact that you can walk down certain streets and see movie stars dining on the terraces or shopping with the hoi polloi and they go out of their way to just go hang around those areas hoping to catch just a glimpse of said stars.

To me that's just a bit too much. I mean just for a glimpse? Come on now. that's either stalking or idol worship if you ask me.

I've seen a few stars in my time just walking down the street but I don think I was overawed or anything. Actually funny story was when I was chatting with a friend on Bloor a few years ago and Steven Seagal pulled up in his monster SUV. We looked up she said "Hey is that Steven Seagal?" Yep I replied, then we just went back to our conversation while his SUV idled just in front of us.

But celebrities, I mean its not like I'm paparazzi and will get paid for photos of them or anything. They walk by or drive by, they look familiar, I recognize them, I walk on. Big deal. Well unless its someone like Halle Berry or another hot looking star but even that aint preferential treatment cause if I see a hot non-celebrity lady walk by I would do I'd definitely have the same reaction.

Anyway regarding celebrities its as my mother would say "dem aint no different ta you, dem duz still have to put da pants on one leg at a time and dey duz still have to go in the bathroom to relieve themselves just like you."

Another reason I thought about the celebrity thing this week was two of the big celebrity news items; the whole Tom Cruise baby thing and the Paris Hilton drunk driving business. Maybe its because I really don't like either of these celebs that much but I thought what a waste of newsprint to be focusing on these stories. Then I thought about all the trivial stories we hear about celebs and the whole industry that has grown up around celebrity gossip. Truly fascinating to some but is it really newsworthy? Do I really need to know what clubs they go to or what restaurants they eat at or what they bought at the store?

The Press made Paris Hilton a star when she had done nothing besides make a movie of her getting it on with some guy and If I see one more story about Sienna Miller, whose actual contribution to film or art escapes me, just because she's linked to Jude Law and he cheated on her with the nanny I think I'm going to go ballistic. I mean if getting horned by the nanny made you a star you know how much women would be celebrities right now? Chupse!

I'm more interested in what movie or what album someone is going to put out next than what they do in their everyday life. So he/she has a drug problem, big frigging deal so do 20 other cats I walk by on the street every day. I should actually be more interested in and receiving news about those guys on the street corner cause they are broke and they might try to rob or break into my home to get money for their fix and are a potential danger to me as opposed to the star who can just call up a celebrity pusher from the comfort of his plush couch in his big mansion and pay for his fix with a black card.

Do I really care which man/woman said star has on the side or how pissing drunk they got last week? Is it really newsworthy sorry I should say is it really worth talking about because they are celebrities? I think not.

Monday, September 04, 2006


- The persons who invented those kids shoes with wheels in the heel are really evil geniuses. Geniuses because they are getting paid over that invention and evil because do they know how annoying it is to grown folk to see little kids skate around in public places like malls and subway stations.

- Rest in peace to Steve Irwin the crocodile hunter. Dude really lived life on the edge tackling all of those dangerous animals. I'll be honest with y'all they couldnt pay me enough to do the stuff he did. Me, put my hands in crocodile mouth or wrestling with them? Who me? Nevers!! They would have to give me some guns, machetes, three big rocks and a suit of armour first.
And what he was doing in the first place messing with those creatures? Look anytime something got a descriptive word like Biting or juking or Stinging in its name you should be staying the hell away from it. It aint name cute and cudely it name STING ray that should be a warning that it aint a plaything.

- Come to da T'cha, cause me say come to da T'cha. The Blastmaster KRS-one not two or three or four will be performing in the T-dot in October. Its KRS-one so I've decided to put away my whole "I'm too old for hip hop concerts" mentality to go see Kris perform one more time. Saw him back in 97 or was it 98 here in Toronto at the Opera House and it was a wicked concert. One of the best I've ever been too. Anyway even though I will argue that KRS' latest album is not up to his usual standard I still want to go check out this concert cause the man brings its on stage no doubt and he has the repertoire of hits to rock the crowd for a couple of hours if he chooses.

-Team USA lost to Greece. Whats that all about? On a positive note Jose Calderone and Jorge Garbajosa won gold medals with their team Spain. Hopefully this winning will translate onto the Raptors squad.

-Do all the small yappy dogs in my neighbourhood hate me? First it was the guy on the corner and his dog which bounds at me every time I pass now this morning it was the neighbours a couple of doors down whose dogs rushed me and growled and barked as I walked to work. I know dogs cant read but all I got to say is bark all you want jump around all you want just dont touch me. Consider this The Warning like Biggie.

-Whats with these American pilots killing Canadian soldiers in friendly fire incidents? Van Damnne! I mean I'm not going to discuss my feelings on the whole Canadian mission in Afganistan but the prevailing climate here as more of our soldiers die is that we shouldnt be there. Yea I know we've lost a fraction of what the U.S has lost but we're a far smaller country population wise and these friendly fire incidents are just more ammunition against being there. And to clarify this how do you mistake Canadian soldiers in soldier gear and with all sort of fancy soldier equipment for Taliban fellas with turbans? Look either somebody in the cockpit half blind or them was too trigger happy. Rest in Peace Mark Graham.

-Whats with Annuals, meaning plants that last only one season and then die, and then you have to buy them again the next season? Its a scam I say! If they are annuals and die then how come the greenhouse duz got them to sell every year. This is just an elaborate ruse to get stupid people money but dat aint going work wid me I sticking to Perennials. (And before someone thinks I'm being totally serious here I do understand how it works and why the greenhouses can have them year after year but I still think its a scam.)

- Another Johnny annoy me. Read this inteview with Tracy Mcgrady this morning and he was going on about "I didn’t want to move my family to Canada. I didn’t want my daughter going to school in Canada." These NBA players are just so close-minded its sad.

- I really cant fathom this whole Myspace and Hi5 business. I still fully dont get the purpose of these places but does everyone and their mama have a Myspace page these days? Well I'm not on Myspace and no intentions of going, I already spend enough time on the web as it is, but somehow somebody get muh to sign up on this Hi5 thing. Now today I get a email saying something about somebody or the other want to be my friend on Hi5 and when I open the email I see this big half-naked black fella wid he shirt off showing off all he chest muscles and wid a big smile on he face saying he want to be my friend. Wha kinda place this hi5 supposed to be though? I thought I was going in a reputable establishment. Oh hellllll no! Well boy, I aint want nuhbody so as my friend. Next thing he would be trying to get friendly. Nuh uhh!

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Seasons change

Seasons change,
mad things rearrange
but it all stays the same
like the love Dr strange

How many mics- Fugees (Lauryn Hill)

End of summer. Well not really officially but schools start back on Tuesday and it just feels as if summer is over. Actually forget the trees changing colors the first sign of fall I was unable to ignore was when I saw a lady on the subway on Wednesday with a leather jacket.

I mean it wasn't even the end of August. Mind you I don't blame her. Its been cold in the mornings up in this joint. It gets warmer as the day progresses but mornings are downright freezing. Its like we went straight from Middle Eastern type temperatures in July to fall in August.

Doesn't it seem as if the weather is all screwy since last year like someone fast forwarded the season changes? I remember snow early last November before I'd even had a chance to rake the leaves. Then spring seemed to have jumped in a little early in late February and Summer jump started in May. Weird aint it?

And being the fashionista that I am (yea right!) I've noticed that hoodies are making a return (don't call it a comeback they been here for years) this fall. Not that they ever disappeared completely but they just seem to be the in thing this year. The stores are full of them. They were all over the mall today both in stores and on the bodies of the mall goers as we experienced some cold and rain and well I just have this prediction its going to be like 1992-93 all over again.

But hey "don't you know daddy that things go in cycles, the way that Bobby Brown (and now usher and omarion and chris brown and ne-yo) is just ampin like Michael."