Friday, January 30, 2009

14 pickney!

Wunnah hear bout the woman that gave birth this week in the US to 8 babies one time? Nuh lie, 8 in one sitting like how fowl duz lay eggs under ya cellar and show up 3 weeks later with nuff lil chickens pecking bout ya yard.

8 pickney! One sitting! Imagine that!

They say she was on fertility treatments so its not surprising that she had multiple births cause sometimes with those fertility treatments the women who want to get pregnant duz get more than they bargained for and come out with twins and triplets but octoplets? Wow!

But then today now they saying that the woman already had 6 previous children. So now she more than double up with that 8 and got a whole whopping 14 children. That right there is an NBA team including the bench and the injury reserve.

And the thing is the woman live home with her mother. Can you say lawless? You could imagine that? I mean I know a few lawless girls that live home at mummy and got two and three pickney but 14! That is taking it to a new level. If I was the grandmother I aint saying I would put she out but is either that or I personally pack up my own georgie bundle and find a new home and leff she an the 14 pickeny by themselves.

And what would possess you to take fertility drugs if you are already so fertile that you got 6 children already? Wha that could only got to be some sorta madness's!

Is different to when we were living in farm based societies and infant mortality was high. Back then ya did want as much children as possible to spread round work to so one could weed and the other cud hoe and the another cud cook and one cud milk the chickens and shear the pigs and so forth or in case one or two dead off from the plague or something so ya got ample backup but nowadays nuhbody aint checking fa nuh 14 children in this day and age. Two or three is considered enough even if somebody got 4 or 5 people duz start looking at them strange.

And you got to wonder about the father now. I hope she aint going have to go on Maury cause I know fellas wud be sweating bricks waiting to see if they got to pay child support for 8 children one time. Imagine that! Maury sitting down with the envelope saying "James in the case of 6 month old DaBarack,Labarack, J'Barack, Mobama, Brobama, Shabama, Shabarack and Tabamarack you are the father." That poor fella wud have a heart attack one time.

Which brings me to another question. How ya duz properly name 8 babies one time unless ya give them numbers? Sounds like a job for my naming tribunal. See how my words aint fall to the ground? I warn the President and he aint listen to me. Now looka this 8 baby name mess.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


I may have mentioned it before but they want to have cell phone connectivity in the subway tunnels here. More minutes used, more money for big corporation coffers as maybe the last bastion resisting constant cell phone usage is destroyed. Oh well progress right and there is some benefit to having this option especially during delays! And who knows it may just turn out to be more extra background noise in the tunnels.

Still while on the bus ride home a few days ago as I inadvertently and rather unconsciously listened to a young lady's cell conversation as she seriously traced her baby fadda for not buying pampers I couldn't help but wonder about what other inappropriate conversations I'd be made privy to with this new cell phone plan.

I keep wondering about the limits between private and public these days where facebook status tells you that the Prince's girlfriend dumped him, questionable photos are a mainstay in online profiles and wholly inappropriate conversations occur in public places with people (of all ages) seemingly oblivious to the fact that they are sharing their life story and letting us know more about them than we should or really need to know.

Is it because this society allows us to believe that you are invisible, no one knows your name or that no one every really sees you? Or is it just that the line between public and private has blurred in this age of too much information? What does it all mean?

Is there a real benefit to knowing more? Is privacy dead? Is privacy no longer desirable?

I don't man, i don't know man, I don't know man, I don't know man, I don't know.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


Ok Aaron McGruder is officially a moron. Love the Boondocks comic (not so much the tv series) but he's an eediat!

On the topic of race and ethnicity, McGruder said that to him, Obama is not black because he is not a descendant of a slave.

"The person who is one of us in the White House is Michelle Obama and her momma," McGruder said.

That dont even make sense man. Explain that to the millions of black people living in Africa. Oh I'm sorry you're ancestors never were sent to the new world as slaves so that invalidates your blackness. What a jackass!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Hail to the Chief

What can I say. I jumped off the Obama bandwagon after the election. Why not? I mean I supported him as the best man for the job and he won but there are two months between winning the election and becoming POTUS (President of the United States) so why not. Its not like anything was happening in those months really and I'm waiting for results when he finally is President.

Plus I get this feeling that many of the Obama supporters think he's going to click his heels three times (his mother was from Kansas after all) and suddenly recession over and war in Gaza over and we find a cure for Cancer, AIDS and the common cold and the world links hands and sings Kumbaya.

And ya know what! They might actually be right!

Didn't expect that did ya?

I'm being facetious mind you but still, no one can say that Obama and his election victory have not been good for the US economy and he's not even been sworn in yet. Unbelievable!

Think about it. Do you realize how much Obama merchandise has been sold in the last couple of months? From comic books (and since it was the only Obama merchandise I'd probably buy I'm mad I didn't get one last Wednesday) to sex toys, I kid you not on that one, and everything in between the visage of Obama has adorned more product than one would possibly believe. Mugs, t-shirts, key chains, trinkets of all descriptions, Obama has been moving some serious product. I mean Reagan and Clinton and those guys were good for a few t-shirts and Halloween masks but damn Obama's image is on everything. Too bad they didn't copyright that and start up a corporation cause if they had that might be the only stock in the stock market that was going up right now.

I mean its pretty incredible and I'd love to see someone release some figures on how much money the Obama image has created for the US economy in the past few months.

Then you have this inauguration thing. Everybody gong to this thing! People who faid to fly, who don't leave their house to go to the corner store, recluses, people that normally frighten for a lil crowd of two and three people, black people that you don't see at all from October to April and that duz hibernate when the first leaves start falling off the trees and only peep their heads out come spring, all running down to DC for Tuesday and they are coming from everywhere: out of city, out of state, out of country. Its bananas! I mean people flying down and driving down from Toronto, people flying in from the Caribbean. Everyone wants to glimpse the man and get a touch of the hem of his garment. You know how happy the airlines must be with the amount of travellers they getting for this event? And the car people and oil people and the hotel people must be just as thrilled too.

And its pretty amazing that these people are leaving their homes in other countries and going to cold DC to take part in this event and be a part of history given how unbelievably cold it has been in the North East in the past couple of weeks.

Imagine if they had had the swearing in in the summer?

Boy that Obama fella single handedly keeping this economy going! And he ain't even got no real power yet so yea imagine what going happen when he finally sworn in.

Me I'm sarcastic and jdid so I'm just waiting for actual results now. All hail the POTUS.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

naming Tribunal

Dear Mr President Elect soon to be Mr President Obama sir,

Now I know that you are a busy man getting ready for your inauguration where cold, cold Washington going be packed down with too many people peeping for a glimpse of you cause everybody and their momma heading down there like is Freaknik or something so. And I know you got a lot on your plate; the situation in Gaza, the economy, Bin Laden, trying to stop Hillary from overthrowing ya, getting that College Football ranking system sort out, hiding and checking the scores on your crackberry and other important issues of state and such but I would be remiss if I did not bring to your attention another important issue that has flown under the radar for too long.

It is in regards to parents naming their children all sorts of foolishness. It was bad enough with all these la and shas and de and apostrophes and commas that people was putting in the children names but it came to a head this week when Lisa Bonet gave her child some name like rain storm beating on my window sill or something so and these people name their child after Hitler. lawd havest mercy!

This thing has gone too far Mr President. Clear off the desk Gaza can wait this issue demands your full immediate attention. It is time for decisive action at the highest level. Mek this thing a priority nuh man! I request senate hearings and committee briefings. Ya cud even name a secretary of child naming. I wud put my name in the running but I dont think I would pass the intensive vetting process cause I got a few people wid foolish names in my extended family too.

Dat dont mean that I aint against foolish names though. For a long time now I have been lobbying and advocating for baby naming classes to be made available pre-birth along with all those other classes on post-natal care that parents have access to. In fact my friend Bajansistren suggest that enough is enough and we need to have a baby naming tribunal. I totally agree with that idea.

You could even do it in an American Idol format. Three or four judges (again I would volunteer for that Simon role but that grueling vetting process might upset my applecart) and the parents come out with the name and it get voted on. If it pass you get a ticket that you can give to the authorities when you putting the name on the birth certificate saying it pass and you can proceed, if it fail badly back to the drawing board for you, if it almost there gi dem a lil suggestion and mek them come back the next day.

So Mr President looka Bush sit down and let this thing go on too long. It aint getting no better if anything it reaching epidemic proportions. Plus you know now you are a celebrity you going soon be inundated with children name D'Barack and Shabama and LaBama and such. Time to nip that in the bud. Its time for your government to come in and get the ball rolling quickly to show that you wont tolerate this nonsense. Mek a move man, mek a move.

Oh and good luck with the inauguration feting.


Tuesday, January 13, 2009


(first in the written in Barbados trilogy)

And wunnah tell me Barbados doan got mountains. Chupse!

Looka I not suh sure what happened in Barbados the past few years cause I haven't been living there now for the last decade but I mean I noticed it this summer when I was there and just didn’t have the inclination to write about it then but well lets just say that something has changed with the women and the women’s fashions.

As I described it to a friend, its like there was an explosion of breasteses in the past few years as almost every woman young, old and in between is wearing some extreme-cleavage revealing or enhancing garb where the motto must be the more skin the better. Its was like being in a Russ Meyers movie at some points.

Where were these fashion options when I was a teenager, young single and carefree nuh? chupse!

I mean as I noted while walking the beach one morning it really is a thing when most of the women on the beach are dressed a lot more conservatively than the majority of women in Bridgetown during the day.

And as someone else noted to me when I told them about this well maybe they should consider changing the name of Bridgetown to Breast-town cause that was all that was on display from swan street to Broad street, high street, Marhill street and fairchile street and everywhere in between.

Now before ona dese young yams like Kami call me an old fogie and say I don’t know fashion its not that I complaining about the tit-illation (pun intended) I am just making a comment that modesty seems to have indeed left the building cause I know for a fact that that much skin wasn't on display when I was younger and could appreciate it lil more.

See I would have done a proper detailed scientific study and all that but its difficult to keep abreast (pun intended) of the comings and goings with so many subjects to choose from. All I know is that everywhere I went all I could do was look and try not to look like I looking but well the trying not to look was difficult cause like I said everybody and their mudda and I mean that literally was wearing some sort of revealing top so it was breasts staring at ya left, right and centre.

Now once upon a time it was bajan men that used to wear their shirts halfway unbuttoned and show off all their scraggly unkempt chest hair and such. Now the men learn to button up the button ups or dem wearing t-shirts and the women like they decide to flip tings and learn to unbutton or well just wear things that keep their chests looking like they want to bust (pun intended) loose.

And it wasn’t just one cut of dress either that I referring to. It was like almost every woman in Barbados just trying to accentuate that part of the anatomy and some women were so sizable they really needed to do the opposite of accentuate instead a mekkin we focus in on the top heaviness.

So there were the low cut tops, the v-cut tops where the v’s were real low, the absence of bras or the other issue where the ladies were clearly not wearing the correct bra size to go with their endowments. At first I played that one off as well maybe they don’t know nuh better or there is a lack of good bra sizers in Barbados but then I was informed that oh no they do know but they find wearing a bra clearly two or more sizes too small is a way to get that extra push up an push out look ie: that stand at attention look where it seems as if the breasts saluting ya and are trying to reach the chin or are coming together and collaborating on how best to make a break for it and jump out of the low cut blouse at any moment.

And as I pointed out before it wasn’t just one type of woman wearing these outfits. Big girls with plenty assets spewing over tight, tight tops or printed out in skin fitting blouses like if they flex like the hulk the whole thing pop loose and a fella lose an eye and small girls with not much to work with squeeze up and push out or wearing v cut things with no bras . Big hardback old women that really ya wud think should know and dress better and young young girls that ya figure their parents shud know better than to dress them like that. Somehow every and any women managed to get in on the action. It was quite a sight.

Not that I complaining! I just making a social commentary. This is what I saw and this is what I reporting so don't start off with no Jdid is a pervert thoughts. Wha I would gotta be Stevie Wonder not to have notice how these women dressing.

Still it gave me a thought. I feel the Tourism Authority should use this to their advantage and instead a promoting Barbados as land of flying fish and sun and sea we could do a thing with Bubby-dus land of the exploding breasts.

Well um is juss an idea cause the economy ain't dat good these days and sex duz sell.

Friday, January 09, 2009


Lisa Bonet's new chile name is Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa (which apparently translates as the stormiest, rainiest night).

To think that someone named Lisa and a father whose name is Jason would do this to their child.

I'm not speechless I just cant think of anything more to say that doesnt start with what the ???

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Things Brown

I hope allya didn't spend off big money at Christmas thinking this recession thing was just a slight blip and 2009 would be back to normal. Well if ya did and you thought things weren't that bad and this recession was just a passing fancy I have news for you.

Its real!

How I know its real? Well I always thought it was but just for further confirmation I open yesterday's paper and see a headline saying that a German Billionaire commit suicide cause his global empire ran into trouble with this economic downturn. Imagine that! The recession got billionaires killing themselves. What a ting! Tell me that don't mek ya realize how serious this thing is?

I mean we not talking about no I cant pay the light bill and my house get repossessed and I homeless suicide we talking about a cat that was a billionaire, lifestyles of the rich and shameless, caviar dreams and champagne wishes, private jet having, money wid nuff zeroes at the end falling off the page type of fellow.

So if things so dread that a guy like him say look I cant deal with this thing I want out, I dun, I gone, see ya, wha bout we dat cross hayso eating bully beef and chicken backs, with cheese cutter dreams and mauby wishes and trying to shuffle 10 cents from the light bill to the water bill? Lawd ave mercy!

And ya know a fellow like that with big money got access to nuff resources. So unlike we dat have to rely on the lies in the mainstream media where they try hard to convince us that everything gine be alright and not to panic and that we should go out and buy that new Buick and that enormous flat screen TV cause we really need them and it going help the economy, he is rich enough to afford to pay people to bring him the real news. So he must have had a few legit forecasts of the future showing him just how bad things going to get cause this thing only just start ya know.

So if he a fellow with the money and the info couldn't tek the strain and decide he couldn't tek it nuh more wha chance we pockets on E type people got?


Monday, January 05, 2009

Way to Go!

Today was cold! I left work at lunch to run an errand. Pick up some info I needed from some place. Was on a mission to start the New Year with action instead of my usual procrastination. Caught the subway, walked to the office, waited then asked for the info I needed, the lady repeated my query, I responded yes please. Got my info packet. Jet!

Got back to my office, opened the packet read the info and thought umm this somehow doesnt look right. Called, explained what I had and what really I wanted which I thought I had explained when I was there half an hour earlier. Oh no, we call that something else you need another info packet.

So now I have to go back sometime this week in order to get the correct info.

And my day was going so nicely prior. Grrrrrrr!