Dear Mr President Elect soon to be Mr President Obama sir,
Now I know that you are a busy man getting ready for your inauguration where cold, cold Washington going be packed down with too many people peeping for a glimpse of you cause everybody and their momma heading down there like is Freaknik or something so. And I know you got a lot on your plate; the situation in Gaza, the economy, Bin Laden, trying to stop Hillary from overthrowing ya, getting that College Football ranking system sort out, hiding and checking the scores on your crackberry and other important issues of state and such but I would be remiss if I did not bring to your attention another important issue that has flown under the radar for too long.
It is in regards to parents naming their children all sorts of foolishness. It was bad enough with all these la and shas and de and apostrophes and commas that people was putting in the children names but it came to a head this week when Lisa Bonet gave her child some name like rain storm beating on my window sill or something so and these people name their child after Hitler. lawd havest mercy!
This thing has gone too far Mr President. Clear off the desk Gaza can wait this issue demands your full immediate attention. It is time for decisive action at the highest level. Mek this thing a priority nuh man! I request senate hearings and committee briefings. Ya cud even name a secretary of child naming. I wud put my name in the running but I dont think I would pass the intensive vetting process cause I got a few people wid foolish names in my extended family too.
Dat dont mean that I aint against foolish names though. For a long time now I have been lobbying and advocating for baby naming classes to be made available pre-birth along with all those other classes on post-natal care that parents have access to. In fact my friend Bajansistren suggest that enough is enough and we need to have a baby naming tribunal. I totally agree with that idea.
You could even do it in an American Idol format. Three or four judges (again I would volunteer for that Simon role but that grueling vetting process might upset my applecart) and the parents come out with the name and it get voted on. If it pass you get a ticket that you can give to the authorities when you putting the name on the birth certificate saying it pass and you can proceed, if it fail badly back to the drawing board for you, if it almost there gi dem a lil suggestion and mek them come back the next day.
So Mr President looka Bush sit down and let this thing go on too long. It aint getting no better if anything it reaching epidemic proportions. Plus you know now you are a celebrity you going soon be inundated with children name D'Barack and Shabama and LaBama and such. Time to nip that in the bud. Its time for your government to come in and get the ball rolling quickly to show that you wont tolerate this nonsense. Mek a move man, mek a move.
Oh and good luck with the inauguration feting.