Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Pass the kutchie

Smoking the indo by the window is tricky
Mad izm - Channel Live

It must be me. I like I duz attract strange people. Wha juss today somebody walk down the hall in front a me an I aint sure whether um is a he, she or caster semanya but anyways.....

In the last month twice have I been on public transit in Toronto and someone next to me pulled out a baggie of weed and started playing with it.

The first time was late last month coming home from the Ex (National Exhibition) one night on the Bathurst streetcar sitting down in the back. Not too many people on the streetcar so dude gets in, proceeds to pull out his little ziplock bag of what could pass for fresh spices and starts to sift through it. I aint got nuh experience in this but from what I'm told he was picking out seeds. I try not to stare, he has his head down in his weed bag, picking out whatever he picking out and I just sit incredulously thinking this is crazy and real brazen too (although to be honest I hear the police duz give people a pass these days with minute amounts of weed although I doan know for sure). Anyways he did his thing, our eyes never met, after 5 minutes of sifting he put the bag back in his pocket and that was that. End of story.

The second time was today. Big skinny baldhead skinhead looking cat in his late teens or early 20s comes and sits next to me at Kennedy station. Now I don't be looking at people too hard on the train but I like to know who next to me just in case anything happen I can identify somebody. Plus there was a curious smell about this guy. Couldn't place it at first cause it wasnt exactly weed but it was weed-like.

Anyway train pulls out and dude goes into full "How to roll a blunt" tutorial mode like Redman. I mean when I see the lil bag of green stuff come out I say to myself not another one. Cheese on bread ya mean twice in one month I gotta be next to these poppits! Dude then proceeds to put his hands into said bag, pull out some green stuff and put it in pieca newspaper. He sifts through it a couple of times then does something or the other with a cigarette pulls out a wrapper puts the weed in it and then rolls, folds and licks. All this took about 6 stations or roughly 12 minutes or so.

Meanwhile train full full cause its rush hour and people looking on. I sitting there thinking this man is a real poppit but is this a crime or is it not a crime and if its a crime what the hell does one do? Mind you I'm like if a man suh igrant to pull out he weed and roll a spliff next to me then I aint igrant enuff ta step to he an say nuttin cause next thing I like dat fella dat get he head chop off in the greyhound bus or something so so lemma juss leff he loan. Now if he light um up there and then that is a different story cause we gine got issues though.

Unbelievable or is that Unbeweedable!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Choices choices

Man I just love people in the fast food service industry. Minimum wage is a hell of a motivator. NOT!

Take for instance today. I order lunch at this fast food place. Service ahead of me was real surly cause a woman ask for some pepper sauce and the way the server throw it on her tray it was like de woman was a beggar rather than a paying customer.

So I make my order and the server woman asks

"what sauce you want with that?"

"What are my choices" I ask.

"ammm, Barbecue, Sweet n sour or Ranch."

"Ok I'll take Sweet n Sour."

Without even breaking eye contact, without even glancing at the sauces, the woman then says.

"We only have Barbecue."

Now if I did throw a big rock at she, allya wud say I cruel but why she give me choices when she know that there were no options? Dat cud mek sense?? stupid stupid people. lawd ave mercy.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

New Technology + Old Eediat =

nuff jokes for me and you.

Take this case

In a sign of how compelling social networking has become, Jonathan G. Parker of Fort Loudon, Pennsylvania stopped to log into Facebook - on the computer in the house he was allegedly robbing at the time.
Yes wunnah aint read wrong, de man did robbing de people house and stop to check into facebook. You cud imagine that doah? Wha kinda poppit he wud gotta be doah?

I wunda if he change he status to something like Jonathan Parker is collecting the loot, or Jonathan Parker really thought this house had more money in it or Jonathan Parker is getting paid son! paid!

Thats what I would do anyways if I happened to be as dense as Jonathan Parker (which for the record I am not).

I wonder now he in jail if he gine be on facebook and what his status would say. Things like Jonathan Parker is currently looking at two to five or Jonathan Parker wonders why that big dude is looking at him all funny or Jonathan Parker says never ever ever EVER drop the soap when you're in the pen. lol

What can I say common sense aint suh common these days boy.

Monday, September 21, 2009

de Hypocrite dem (me)


Ok Caribbean people admit it, its just not me or maybe it is, but when you heard that American sprinter Tyson Gay ran 9.69 in Shanghai this weekend, the same time Bolt did at the Olympics last year, allya first thought was steroids right? Come on admit it, confession good for the soul. I know mine were.

And then I had to stop myself and say but is why when Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt run 9.69 and recently a world record 9.58 seconds I didnt have those same thoughts? How come I can argue that Bolt can do these phenomenal times running clean on breadfruit and yellow yam but I cant do the same when Gay run them?

Forgive me for the self indulgence but I just trying to analyze any hypocrisy in my thought process. Is it that when I see a Jamaican/Caribbean man running them times then I believe that he's clean cause I more easily empathize with him than with an American? Is it that I can justify Bolt's rise to prominence because I was hearing about him from the time he was 15 or since he bout half a foot taller than most sprinters I can justify the whole longer strides, less strides to the finish argument?

Or is it that I just bias bad against Americans cause I already see evidence of that in my reaction to Bolt's showboating. Ya done know I would be cussing arrogant Americans for their showboating if they behaved the way Bolt does sometimes. So yea I really that bias fa true? I trying to understand this thing so help muh.

Rationalizing it, I guess I could argue that Powell supposed to be injured this season at least that was his argument all season long when Bolt was cuttin he tail. How a man wid supposed groin injury so duz just run 9.69 seconds like that? That is like telling me a one leg man can win the triple jump.

But then I look at these phenomenal times by all these modern day sprinters (not just Bolt, Powell and Gay) and think but how these men cutting a tenth of a second off the 100m times so? I mean before people was cutting maybe a hundredth if they lucky two hundredths and times were like 9.92 and 9.86, 9.84 and such and all a sudden just so literally in the blink of an eye we jump from everybody in the 990s to everybody in the 970s and such and the top men down in the nine sixes and nine fives? How all a sudden mankind mek that leap and get so so fast so? Is it the training? We mek so many new advances in training that the men can get that fast that dramatic? Is it in the shoes? I mean the Swimming applecart get offset wid them new fancy full body swimsuits that had everybody an their granny brekkin records this year so ya never know about the shoes? But what if is something else.

I dont know man. Is a skeptical world we living in, and I can be in the running for chief skeptic sometimes cause something just dont seem right to me now.

I can deal wid one man being a freak of nature, a phenom, a once in a lifetime occurrence but when ya see two fellas and more at the same time so. You gotta start thinking odds and probability and while it could happen ya duz juss feel a ways that something or somebody aint playing fair. Maybe I a lil jdid by the whole baseball world and their accusations and the things that get expose over the years and that clouding muh judgment cause well sprinting aint exactly been known to have the best reputation lately.

That is all I got to say for now cause I cant prove nuttin and hearsay and innuendo aint a good look on me. I gine accept that I Jdid am biased but at the same time I got a certain feeling and without pointing fingers saying something here does not feel right.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Grabbalicious or too tiefy

INDIANAPOLIS - A woman who worked catering events for the University of Notre Dame says it was her lucky day when the school tipped her $29,000 in her check. But now the university is suing to get back the money she says she's already spent......

Notre Dame contends Gaspar should have been paid only $29.87, but was overpaid because of a typing error. The school says in a lawsuit filed Aug. 27 in South Bend that Gaspar did not notify the school about the error, and instead spent the money knowing it wasn't hers.

Read the rest here.

Now I know some wont agree with me here but seriously she really thought they gave her a $29,000 tip on a 29 dollar bill? Get real now!

Look this is a recession, even in the bling bling days of nuff waste and thing so money was probably tight at most universities (if not why dem always calling ya, interrupting ya dinner asking for donations uh?), dem wasnt gine give she no $29,000 tip. Is not like universities is philanthropists like Bill Gates and Oprah and them other big money fellas that duz walk into a diner and gi way a bus load of gold and three pints a magic beans.

I mean for one it would be highly highly improper from my viewpoint for any university to be giving she summuch money as a tip when university fees all over duz be going up year after year to the point where a fair number of the average students duz be ketching hell, finding all sorta ways legal and illegal, to finance a degree. I mean if the university got that sorta money to rain on caterers use ya common sense them shud be lowering school fees or something so.

Now alright maybe she did call and nobody got back to her from the university, although the university say she aint call, but I still feel she had an onus to go back to the people place and say look I feel wunnah overpay me, this cheque aint look right at all. Give me some sorta info as to if this is really for me or not. Confirm all this is mine, dot the is and cross the ts and let me get it in writing or talk to a big up to mek sure I can go and spend this. Not say oh well them aint call me back, so I guess um musse mine. I mean 29,000 aint like 10 dollars that ya might see blow cross the road that ya can go pick up and say well this is my lucky day.

Man nuttin so doan come fa free, ya duz even gotta pay a two dollar to win the lottery. She too tiefy and grabbilicious. Looka try an pay the people back dem money ya ol crook ya.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Serena Meltdown

Lovely weekend for black celebs wasn't it? Kanye, Serena and to some extent Jordan depending on who you speak to. Oh and just for the record black folk just cause they black dont mean you have to be upset by their actions and get into that whole they let down the race rhetoric. Kanye aint family to you, Serena dont know you from a hole in the wall so whatever alright.

Still I wanted to comment on Serena's meltdown at the U.S open on Saturday. It was a meltdown almost worthy of the great John McEnroe. ESPN described it as a "profanity-laced, finger-pointing tirade" oh my! There was Serena pointing her racquet and berating the poor lineslady who looked like she wished she could small up herself and escape the serious busing Serena was raining down on her. Cuhdear! I mean I din even there and I did feel a way about how Serena was carrying on to the woman.

And when the match ref came out I was waiting for the lineslady to buss into tears and run hide up behind the man and shout out "daddy, daddy that woman dere unfairing me", that was how scared she looked. Probably peed in her pants poor ting. Shame, shame on you Serena.

But to me the most interesting stuff happened at Serena's press interview after the match. One reporter told Serena that the lineslady said she felt threatened and Serena tried to play it off, with comments like she's never been in a fight in her life and making it seem like she is such a dainty never hurt a fly soul and it was absolutely ridiculous for this woman to be afraid of her.

Well Serena sorry if I disagree with you there. First off I'm a dude but if you had shook your racquet and cussed me out like you did that woman on Saturday I'd be a little afraid so you cant really question why this little wisp of a woman, 100 lbs wet, would be frighten of a big Amazonian built Serena with a racquet shaking at her. Seriously what world do you live in where you question why that woman would be afraid of you.

Not to mention you're big and black and from a certain perspective you can be a tad bit oh who am i kidding scary as ass. Yea I shouldn't go there but lets be real. There are average non-threatening black folk, smaller than you, shorter than you, not holding any implements like racquets or anything more scary than a mocha latte who scare the crap out of folks of other race every single day. Why would you think with a big racquet that could be used as weapon being waved menacingly that this woman shouldn't be afraid of you? Come on now.

And consider ya self lucky too Serena cause if that was me or anudda average black fella or woman off the street getting on so we would have already been maced, tasered and Rodney Kinged by about 50 policemen.

And may I also say your behavior was like school on a weekend, no class. Yes the lineswoman screwed up the calls and you were upset but damn girl ya naa have no broughtupsy? I mean its bad enough when guys act like that but women, and black women and black women with some standing, who could be perceived as role models. Come on now! You played yourself! I I did family ta ya I would feel shame but I aint so whatever.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Hugh Hef

(I staying way from all things Caster Semenya he/she related)

but eh eh, allya hear that Hugh Hefner getting divorce? Yes Hugh Hefner, the playboy fella, playboy mansion, playboy bunnies, ol gal-yst, trailor load a girl, world a girl, nuff gal an gal in a bundle fella. Yes, that Hugh Hefner.

Well the first question I had was wait Hugh Hefner married fa true? Wha I dont think many people did know that. Cause I mean the man doan live in the Playboy Mansion wid he girlfriends and have a a gazillion young tings in skimpy undress running roun the house? I mean I know fellas that wanta grow up to be Hugh Hefner. (not me mind you I barely dodging death wid de one I got so I aint want nuh multiple womens to kill me). And now you telling me the man Hugh Hef was married? Man wunnah lie!

And the big joke is Hugh Hefner claim the ex-wife horn he. He say she cheat on he during the marriage.

Well looka muh crosses. Imagine this man got woman galore an complaining he divorcing cause the wife cheat on he. Wha all I could do is laugh.

But looka this ting fa true. On anudda note though now I aint know if wunnah familar wid dis story but recently the rapper Nas get divorce from he wife Kelis. De woman got a chile fa he an he gotta pay $9000 a month in child support and anudda $30 something thousand a month in spousal support to she cause apparently she duz only mek a measly, poor-raky, $13,000 a month which apparently is not enuff ta properly raise nuh chile on. Supposedly! Meanwhile nuff a we would be glad to see $13,000 every year or 6 months furthermore a month. Chupse!

Anyways you would imagine that Nas a lil two by three rapper, nuh disrespect son, you good but you aint nuh Jay-Z, Jigga big figure, "business, man not a business man" type paying a whopping $44,000 in support monthly and big Huge Hef, multi multi-millionaire, founder and owner and chief top dog of the Playboy skin out empire only paying he ex-wife $20,000 a month?

Wha cuhdear Nas you get unfair boy.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Schools in

A lovely back to school morning it was. Subway slower than usual with the prerequisite delays for the new school year etc etc.

Recently the news had a story about the desire to kill the kilt ie the plaid skirts that catholic school girls wear due to immodesty. They say the skirts getting too short. Well I really didn't pay much attention to either the skirts or the story but then on my bus ride to work this morning one young school girl got in wearing a ridiculously short skirt. I mean if the skirt had been any shorter we would be calling it a belt, if the skirt was any sorter it would be a kirt, if the skirt was any shorter well I got a few more metaphors but I going leave them off this blog for now so come up with your own.

And it didn't help that she seemed to want to show off her skirt or lack thereof either. She stood up massaging the bus pole (training for her future career I'm guessing) while numerous seats were available and she kept leaning over to talk to a friend who was sitting. I guess maybe there was some young boy who was titillated by all this but really for such a young girl, skirt was way too short. How parents duz let dese children leff home looking so though?

No wonder the school boards want to ban the kilt.

Friday, September 04, 2009

Must be mad

A 61-year-old man has been charged with child cruelty after allegedly slapping a toddler he did not know when she would not stop crying.
Police claim Roger Stephens slapped the two-year-old girl four times, leaving her face red, after warning her mother to keep her quiet in a Wal-Mart in Atlanta, Georgia.
'See, I told you I would shut her up,' he said to the mother after the attack, according to a police report.

Read the rest here.

Slap my chile!! My CHILE! Who!! Naa star cant happen.

Now looka I'm all for a village raising children and I know back in the days if a child did doing foolishness a neighbour might cut he tail and send he home to get he tail tarnish again by the parents but a complete stranger stepping to a child and hitting it in Walmart? Totally outrageous.

It says here after the incident they call security for him. Call security for who? Look if he did hit my child they wun be no calling of security it would be ambulance or undertaker they calling cause I woulda wash he way in some propa blows.

Imagine the poor chile crying, a lil two year old of all things, a toddler, and he a big hardback old man slap the chile 4 times. Wha he could only want two bullpisle lashes in he back? Whapax!

Look I see many children crying in public places for apparently no reason all the time. I admit that it can be annoying at times but hey its for the parents to deal with plus at most times there are totally legitimate reasons for the tears anyways especially if the child is that young and doesnt have the means to express itself verbally. All you can do is accept that.

I do see folks on the subway who get mighty upset when a child is crying though, like the chile interrupting their sleep or they dont feel the chile has as much right to be on the train as they do. Get over it people! Accept it, make the best of it, smile at the chile, move on.

But I feel this man coulda only have mental problems or be drunk or on drugs cause how he gine haul off and slap up somebody chile dat he aint kno so doah? Wha in this day an age that is a real risk. Suppose the mudda did haul out a gun or a knife and juck he through or pick up some a Walmart cutback specials and gi he a cutass. Wha dat wud be he own fault. Poppit!

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Convenient Memory


I thought I was done wid this Rhi Rhi nonsense since she expose sheself to all an sundry but Chris Brown chupse! Who you really trying to fool?

Wunna could believe this Chris Brown fella though? Look in local Bajan parlance this Chris Brown fella could only be a real johnny or as a certain teacher at high school used to say a John John. Wha I could only believe that is what wrong wid he cause he head cant be right.

I mean he get on Larry King Live on big CNN (to be telecast tomorrow night) and boldly say he dont remember hitting the girl Rihanna? Wha looka muh crosses though!! He black an blue the woman face and send the poor chile to hospital and have the gumption to say he don't remember. Well well well!

Now as an aside, nuhbody like dem doan like this Rihanna girl doah. Poor chile! Cause I been reading the internets, yes the blogs and the message boards and the facebooks (but not the twitters) and I realize something. I notice that nuff nuff African-Americans use this incident and the fact that Rihanna and he used to tussle to let loose all dem deep seated prejudices and talk foolishness bout Caribbean women. Yes I see it clearly all over the place.

And I see also that other Caribbean nationals use dis chance and their prejudices to talk foolishness bout Bajans and Bajan womens too. Wunnah know who wunnah is, shame shame on wunnah.

I mean I aint got none a dem issues I just duz diss she cause she went Cawmere and as a Kolij man myself I doan particularly like Cawmere people. (Look I just joking ya). Naa I duz just laugh at she occasionally cause I duz be shame to see a big bright Cawmere girl like she end up in these predicaments and aint using she common sense (dat cud neva happen to a Kolij or QC girl by the way. Nevers! ) Amm wha wunnah mean the Bajan PM went Cawmere and he gine tek way my passport? Looka let me reiterate dat I juss joking alright.

But seriously some of the comments I've seen is like the girl did name Jacob and steal somebody birthright (read wunnah bible if wunnah doan get the reference wunnah heathens). Is like she tek something that din hers or she shun be riding the big time cause she from a small two by three island dat doan even show up pun the globe properly depending on scale sometimes. Cuhdear! Wunnah need to realize we bajans aint wait fa juss she to represent we ya, learn wunnah history we been contributing to the world long time as small as we is.

I did juss wanta say that. But now back to this Chris Brown poppit.

How he gine get pun the people tv and tell people he dont remember hitting she? Ya mean he hit she so hard that he feel the lash and um gi he amnesia? Wuhloss den!

An why all a sudden he dressing like Urkle. Wha I half expect he to start off wid a "did I do that?" in a Urkle drawl. Actually come to think of it that might have been a better response than he don't remember.

Or is the bowtie training for a position with the Nation of Islam? Chris I wanta know wha de bowtie all about man.

Oh I get it the bowties supposed to mek you seem gentler and kinder like you wun hurt a fly? Yea Chris amm you really feel somebody gine fall fa that big trick?

Yea right good attempt at damage control an ya might succeed wid certain poppits but to me this is too little too late boy. They say the record label might drop ya so now ya frighten and trying to portray good boy. I guess Rihanna was good girl gone bad and you gine be bad boy gone good.

Plus I guess the fact that it came out in the sentencing that this abuse thing wid you wasnt nuh one time thing (as bajans was saying from day one cause we did hear bout how he mash up the girl car in bim) and there had been several prior incidents of abuse got ya in bare pottuh or to use another bajan term to explain the bajan term pottuh ya in duck's guts.

So yes Mr Brown, you aint really fooling nuhbody wid ya baby blue preppy sweater. Even if you forget it we see the pictures and we know ya beat up the woman. Man up and tek ya liks. Say sorry, say ya got issues, say ya will never do it again but doan say ya doan recollect the incident. Wha you is the Hulk that you turn green and then duz wake up in ya bividees and ask wha juss happen? Chupse! Son this whole I doan remember thing is just cartoonish. Ya mekkin yaself look even worse than before, worser i guess.