Friday, June 29, 2007

Notes from the NBA Draft

As usual I camped out in front of my television last night to take in the annual NBA draft. This is like one of my all-time favourite sporting events and its not even an actual game. Its just so much fun to watch franchises pick up players in an attempt to rebuild or revive their chances at winning a title. Trades are made, some players are chosen based solely on upside and you wonder what drugs certain GMs are on or how many blind men are in their scouting department. Dick Vitale gets all excited (actually I have an idea in my head for a reality series with Dick Vitale and Chuck Swirsky, I'm telling you its the bomb son!) and Steven A Smith looking to all the world like Ludacris' long lost twin strategically potificates in the exact tones of certain black preachers like Al Sharpton. All in all a fun time is had by all.

Alas my Raptors didnt have a pick this year so I cannot complain about how they made the wrong choice again like I did when they took Bargnani last year (maybe thats why they never returned my phone call inquiring about a potential spot in the front office) but at the least I can still share my thoughts on last nights proceedings.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket- The picture to the side is that of Joakim Noah, the number 9 pick to Chicago. All I have to say is why does the man look like he just escaped from a clown car? If he doesn't already have a nickname I'm pushing for Sideshow Noah. Man that suit alone should have dropped his stock out of the top 10. It'd be like and with the number 9 Chicago selects....., What the !!! Wait a second Whats that he's wearing? Seersucker? Oh hell no! No no no, time out, time out! Can we have a minute to rethink this pick.

- This draft has got to be one of the first I've ever seen where pretty much every pick in the top 11 or 12 went as predicted in most of the mock drafts. Pretty amazing actually.

- I think I'm going to like Greg Oden. He's hilarious without even trying plus the cat has his own blog.

- Portland traded Zach Randolph. So now you have a young big man core of Oden, Lamarcus Aldridge (last years number 2) and Channing Fyre. Great move except not one of these guys can put the ball in the basket. You just gave up your 20 point a night player who's going to put up the points. Maybe there will be long term gains but in the short run its going to be rough especially playing in the West. Still I guess the young guys will have to develop.

- New York picked up Zach Randolph and only gave up Stevie Franchise and Frye. Great move .......except Randolph and Eddy Curry have got to be the two laziest big men in the league. Offensively it'll be raining buckets from those two but your defense will be as porous as a strainer. Oh and you just traded the one cat in Channing Frye that was the key to any other trades you might have made. You think you're going to get Kobe by offering Renaldo Balkman? ummm no. Oh and you just added more money to your salaries as usual. Does New York have never emptying coffers or what?

- Oh and New York grabbing Randolph just puts a damper on all the happy New York trade rumours this season with Kobe, Jermaine O'Neal, Rashard Lewis, Kevin Garnett and every other big priced, big name free agent or disgruntled wannabee traded star. That sucks the fun out of everything. Boooo!

- Corey Brewer went #7 and is listed at 6'7" 185 lbs. In comparison I'm 6' 1" 185 lbs. I am nowhere close to being built, actually I'm on the slim bordering skinny side so just how skinny is this Corey Brewer guy if he is 6 inches taller than me and the same weight? I've heard about starving students but the man must be all skin, sinew and elbows either that or he has hollow bones.

- Michael Jordan pulled off the steal of the draft by trading his number 8 pick for Jason Richardson. And we said this guy wasn't a real GM. Guess this means Golden State is officially in the Kevin Garnett sweepstakes now!

- The Celtics traded for Jesus Shuttlesworth my bad I mean Ray 'He got Game' Allen. So now they have Paul Pierce and Ray Allen. That's like the Nets with Vince and Richard Jefferson except Boston doesn't have a Jason Kidd to get them the ball. You think Al Jefferson's going to develop when he's fighting for the ball with both Pierce and Allen? Way to go Boston!

-Atlanta drafted another top 10 big man. Hmmm don't they do this every year. Man this is like Deja Vu. At some point they're going to have to trade that glut of forwards.

- Chicago picked up Sideshow Noah to go along with Ben Wallace (I sense a crazy hair competition in the making), PJ Brown and Tyrus Thomas. 4 big power forwards who cant shoot worth a damn. You'll out-rebound every other team in the league but on offense why is the other team even bothering to guard your 4 and 5? I've got a trade for you. Chicago's got big men who play defense and rebound but cant score, New York's got big men that can score but don't play defense. Work with me here people.

- Milwaukeee drafted Chinese big man Yi Jianying (pronounced EE te-anne li-anne). The man has basically said he didn't want to play in Milwaukee (who would) so this could turn into a Steve Francis rejecting the Vancouver Grizzlies thing. Plus isn't he a 4? If he stays does this mean you have given up on Charlie V? If so can we have him back cause I'm still mad that the Raptors traded him last year even though I'll admit it worked out.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

King James Version

Ok, so this one is a bit late but it's been lurking in my head for weeks if that counts for anything.

The NBA playoffs are over, congrats to the San Antonio Spurs, and the NBA draft and silly season aka the off-season, where the trade rumors multiply almost exponentially on a daily basis, is upon us.

They say it was one of the most boring finals and that may be true not just because the Cleveland Cavs team was one of the weakest finalists in years but also because the vastly superior Spurs played down to their level and actually kept the series scores closer than they should have ever been. It could easily have been 4 straight complete blowouts if the Spurs had stayed focused instead of lapsing and allowing games 3 and 4 being as close as they were. The Spurs would play great in spurts, then realize they weren't playing against the Phoenix Suns or another elite team and start to coast on cruise control giving the Cavs a brief glimmer of hope and some viewers the belief that maybe the Cavs actually had a chance or were actually close to being an elite team.

I say not. As mentioned above the Cavs were one of the weakest teams I've ever seen in a finals. To be honest though Iverson's 76ers, finalists back in 2002 were probably as bad. Built around the same premise with a lone superstar and a complete bunch of scrubs they yet still managed to not get swept that series against theLakers of Shaq and Kobe. The complete single mindedness and resolute determination of Iverson managed to get them a lone win.

Well Lebron really ain't no Iverson ...yet in terms of willing a team to a win despite the game 5 heroics vs Detroit so his squad got swept.

Frankly, I blame this whole Cavs in the finals debacle all on the Chicago Bulls. If they had won that game against New Jersey on the last day of the season, the Cavs would have had a harder road to the finals playing Miami in the first round and possibly Detroit in the second and if they ever got that far Chicago in the conference finals. Plus my Raptors would have ended up playing the Wizards instead of New Jersey and might have actually made the second round. Damn you Chicago!. They (the Cavs ) would have never made it past all three of those teams. As it stands though they ended up having easy early round opponents in an injury depleted Washington and a so so New Jersey squad and then managed to get past a completely self destructing Detroit. Oh well Que Sera Que Sera!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketWhat bugged me the most about the NBA finals though was not the standard of play on display but the premature coronation of Lebron James as the new King. I'll be honest I'm not his biggest fan so maybe I'm being a bit harsh and he was amazing in game 5 against the Pistons so maybe I should cut him some slack but.....

From the time the Cavs made the finals the talk was all about Lebron and his ascendancy. Yes I realize that the NBA needs or thinks they need that one uber-star, or superstar of superstars, for marketing purposes and its been devoid of one since Jordan took flight into the sunset over Washington a few years ago but why oh why must they keep trying to push force ripe superstars on us?

Lebron is good, possibly great even, but get over it people he is not Michael Jordan and he wasn't going to win against the Spurs. His willpower and mind state aren't there yet. He won against the Pistons or rather the Pistons lost mainly because the Pistons fell apart rather than any real supremacy of the Cavs squad. In the finals Tim Duncan and his crew of focused professionals were not about to let themselves fall apart and be upset like the Pistons were meaning the Lebrons just didn't stand a chance.

It was so annoying listening to the commentators push Lebron as the best thing since sliced bread when in truth they should have been telling us about how much help he really needs and how devoid of a second option his squad is, leaving everything on his broad but somewhat incapable shoulders (at least in the finals).

The commentators failed in this aspect hoping that he could somehow pull off the impossible against the Spurs. And when I say he I don't mean his team I literally mean he, Lebron, one man vs the Spurs because when you look at his teammates there wasn't much to write home about amongst the group. Marshall, Snow, Hughes, Ilguyskas, Gooden, Varejao etc are all bits and pieces players. Even the few who may have at earlier points in their career stepped up on other teams are now shells of themselves or perhaps overawed to be in Lebron's presence. In essence they sucked!

It was left to rookie Daniel Gibson to inject some life into the supporting cast and he really isn't that good.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketBut if the story is told truthfully and one really looks at the history of the NBA finals one gets a different story to what the numerous commentators were pushing. No matter what the hype NBA finals have never really been about one man.

Since Jordan has retired the teams that have won titles have won on the strength mainly of good all around teams anchored by a good if not great big man not anchored by solo swingman acts. The Spurs have Duncan and all stars in Ginobli and Parker, the three-peating Lakers had Shaq and Kobe, the Pistons had a starting 5 of potential all-stars including the two Wallaces up front even Wade although he was the superstar on the Miami Heat squad last year still had a decent enough Shaq and to a lesser extent Mourning to ease things for him a bit. The swingmen and guards may get all the glory and were integral parts but it wasn't a one man against a team thing. they all had competant big men teammates.

Then lets go back to the 90s, where as far as titles go the Pistons won one, Bulls won 6, Houston won 2 and Spurs one. Lets ignore the Spurs, Houston and Pistons wins since for the most part these teams fit the mould of the teams with good big men that have been winning in this decade and focus on Jordan's Bulls.

Jordans Bulls won 6 titles in the 90s broken up into two three-peats. There is no denying that Jordan was definitely a singular talent in his heyday but .......

The myth though is that on Jordan's strength alone his teams won their titles. Absolute hogwash! The Bulls knew the strength of having a team and especially of having excellent big men. Think about it. For the first three titles (91-93) pre-first retirement Jordan had a great swingman in perennial allstar Scottie Pippen, a decent point guard in BJ Armstrong and a premier rebounder and all defensive team power forward in Horace Grant along with decent role players like John Paxson, Stacey King and Bill Cartwright.

For his second batch of three championships (96-98) Jordan didn't exactly ride as solo as they would wish you to believe either. He had Pippen again, and a bit past his prime but still decent Ron Harper at point guard and one of the greatest rebounders of all time in Dennis Rodman, (ignore the off-court antics) at Power Forward. Then he had Tony Kukok, Steve Kerr, Bison Dele and other decent players.

Jordan was hardly playing one man against five here folks. Thats not to take anything away from his will and determination which were second to none in that era but lets just realize that its a myth to think that he was the only star on the court in a Bulls uniform when they won their titles. Bulls management was smart enough to surround him with, get this novel concept, a team something one hopes the Cavs management will clue into.

So I just wrote all that to say no matter how good Lebron is he will never win or rather it will be extremely difficult for him to win without a decent team supporting him and its wrong to accelerate his ascendacy and fill the airwaves with so much hyperbole when you know he and his squad still have quite a ways to go. Jordan for all his greatness could not have won with this asembled Cavs team. If you dont believe me look up the Jordan rules and see how hard it was for Jordan acting as one man army to get past the then dominant Detroit Pistons of Isiah Thomas and Joe Dumars. The myth that is Jordan will have you believing that he could accomplish the impossible and to some intent it almost appears thus, but the truth is as great as he was in order to win his championships he needed help. Help which management graciously provided.

Monday, June 25, 2007


Discuss amongst yourselves.

A New Zealand couple want to name their child 4real. The authorities thankfully blocked it. Cause ya know if this went through the flood gates are open and children names getting even more ridiculous.

An Indian doctor allowed his 15 year old son to perform a C-section on a patient because he wanted the boy to get into the Guinness book of World Records. All I'm saying is that woman had to be alone and seriously drugged up or stupid cause I know I wasn't letting no 15 year old operate on anyone that family to me.

Anyway the world has gone mad. That's all for now folk.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The real black Frank White

Nope it wasn't Biggie and he wasn't the King of New York. (in case you're not familiar Christopher Wallace aka Notorious B.I.G also went by the nickname Frank White after the character in the movie King of New York)

Read this yahoo excerpt:
A man widely believed to be the model for the smiling chef on Cream of Wheat boxes finally has a grave marker bearing his name.

Frank L. White died in 1938, and until this week, his grave in Woodlawn Cemetery bore only a tiny concrete marker with no name. ..........He discovered that White was born about 1867 in Barbados, came to the U.S. in 1875 and became a citizen in 1890.

So wait you mean the Cream of Wheat man was bajan? Good for him, way to go!

But you know as with all discoveries this just led to more and more questions since that article really didn't tell us too much about the man.

Anyway me and my friend Bajansistren end up having a serious discussion as to who this Frank White fella really was and after some digging and research we come up with a fictional account of the late great Frank White and well since I already big up Uncle Ben and he wasn't bajan well why not Mr Cream of Wheat right?

The account is as follows:

Frank Lionel White also known as Frankie or Sprats was born in Barbados on May 21st 1867. The second son of Ernesta and Rufus White of Eagle Hall Cross Roads, Frank was a precocious child, or to be more specific and bajan; he did real, real hardears!

Times were tough for the White household as Rufus was without a trade, having been let go from several apprenticeship positions for playing the fool on the job, and now refused to work in the cane fields claiming "he really couldn't deal with all dat hard work and sweating up heself". Meanwhile poor Ernesta kept on getting pregnant year after year. Frank was the fifth child of that union.

Rufus was a dreamer. Big dreamer. He had nuff talk about opening his own business and becoming rich enough to buy 40 acres of land that he could pass on to his offspring. He was however getting desperate as the bajan landscape didn't seem to offer him enough scope to advance as a black man with limited skills.

So Rufus decided to seek his fortune in America! Ernesta protested but given the choice between raising 5 children on her own in Barbados or following Rufus and his crazy scheme to New York she followed.

In America, New York to be exact, times were rough. What with the acclimatisation to big city life and the cold, the entire family regretted the move initially. People there were strange and it was every man jack for himself. They found it especially difficult to adjust to the coldness of the people there. In Barbados, they were accustomed to friendly neighbours who might even offer them an extra breadfruit or ground provisions if they could spare it but in New York the next door neighbour might not even respond to something as simple as a call of good marning.

It was quite eye opening for the White family. ..........

Anyway let me fast forward to the section about Frank and the Cream of Wheat business.

Bajan historians have long pondered and asked (well long as in since last week when we find out the Cream of Wheat man was bajan) the question why wasn't more known about Frank and his exploits? It was especially difficult for black folks to get ahead back then so a man of such importance back in that day should have been feted and honored. It wasn't like Black people was on the cover of every box of food back then ya kno!. Uncle Ben was still a lad feeding rice grains to chickens in he mudda back yard and Aunt Jemima was simply Jemima, then a half foolishy girl, still knocking around the village waiting for her obzocky sister Clotilda to have some children so somebody would call she auntie.

So why wasn't Frank well known? I mean if his story had been told earlier who knows he could have even made the Bajan Heroes list.

Numerous theories abound.

Some have speculated that Frank was actually not the man on the cover of the Cream of Wheat box but extensive research and comparison of other known photos of Frank to the Cream of Wheat box seem to conclusively prove that he is in fact the model for that image.

Many other have speculated that Frank was actually not a bajan but had been mistaken for one when an inquisitive newspaper journalist from the Chicago Herald overheard him using the word "pieca poppit" not knowing that Frank had picked up that phrase as well as others such as "ruff dry", "poo sharking" and "backtofront" from an ex girlfriend in New York, Clemantina Small originally from Chimboraza in St Joseph, Barbados.

There was also a theory floating around which had recently gained steam that Frank had been a field hand who had run away from the initial farm labor program and was illegal in the U.S but our research showed that this was false as there is extensive proof to show that he had indeed arrived in 1875 with Rufus, Ernesta and four siblings.

Well we are now able to put all the rumor and speculation to rest. Here is the true story!

After extensive digging of our own we are proud to report that Frank was indeed bajan. Our research however exposed the fact that Mr White sadly was an illegal immigrant in the US. His father, Rufus, had simply told authorities that they were on a shopping trip to New York and the family had never left after their two week visitors visa was up, moving from residence to residence to avoid immigration authorities.

When this revelation about the White family was announced speculation abounded that the good folk at Cream of Wheat in an act of generosity has sponsored Frank for his Green card. Sadly this is not true and Frank spent all of his days in the US as an illegal alien.

How did Frank end up on the cover of the Cream of Wheat box you ask? Well the truth of the matter is that Frank had unwittingly allowed his image to be captured by a roadside artist not knowing his plans for the drawings. After later asking and finding out what the artist's plans were a terrified Frank had pleaded with one Abraham S Johnson, the freelance artist working on behalf of Cream of Wheat to not submit his image as he didn't want it to become well known.

Johnson, a reasonable man, agreed to Frank's request and instead submitted another image, that of one Phillip Augustus Monroe (PAM), a white Anglo Saxon from Lower Manhattan to the company for publishing but upper management were not too keen on Monroe's look owing to the lazy eye which Johnson's image had maybe a bit too accurately captured.

Archives do show that a few hundred boxes were created with Monroe's image on the cover but the company horrified at the look shipped them all off to feed troops stationed in East Borneo. So few of the PAM boxes remain that some believe there are a myth. However serious cereal box collectors know that those boxes did exist and PAM boxes are considered an extremely rare and valuable collectible today.

So Johnson still trying to make some money and salvage something out of the debacle of the PAM boxes reneged on his word to Frank and eventually submitted his image. It was universally loved by the company and Frank White's image became synonymous with the Cream of Wheat brand in a short space of time.

In light of this Frank beat a hasty retreat after that disappearing for years at a time reappearing every now and then with a beard or a moustache or anything that would not cause him to be directly identified with the Cream of Wheat man.

There is more about how Frank avoided the immigration authorities but I wont go into it here.

These revelations about Mr Frank White all make sense though because historians were always bothered by certain details of the story. They were always flummoxed and puzzled as to what kind of Bajan would achieve an honour like being on the cover of the Cream of Wheat box and not shout down the whole world to let them know he had arrived. It just did not make any sort of sense given what bajan people are like. This was one of the reasons that had given rise to the speculation that Frank wasn't bajan.

No bajans like to talk and big up themselves nuff. And even if Frank hadn't used his new found celebrity to pick up girls or held some sort of big fete in celebration at the very least his proud mother Ernesta would have written a letter or two home to some of the relations to let them know that lil hardears Frank turn into a somebody and she was real, real proud! From there it would only have been a matter of time before family like third cousin twice removed Gerald Carter was pontificating on Frank's achievements at a local rum shop in an attempt to get a free white rum or two from some of the regulars and so on and so on until Frank's fame would have been known island wide.

No Frank was clearly hiding something and that is why his story went unknown for so many years. He was in fact on the run from immigration and he truly regretted letting Johnson take that image for the Cream of Wheat box for the rest of his life.

Anyway if you are anxious to learn more about Frank L White and other stalwarts of the cereal business please buy my upcoming text Cream of Wheat, Rice Pudding and Corn Meal Pap - Ma wha fa eat available at Chapters, Barnes & Nobles and other bookstores near you.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Crazy Kid

Happy Fathers Day

Overheard at Barbados on the Water yesterday.

"I would really like to know who he owner is doah. Chupse! Running up and down the place so. This is the third time he almost lik me down. He want sum good liks!"

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Stranger than Fiction

Two strange stories caught my attention on Monday. Not sure if you heard about them but I thought if you didn't then I'd share.

The first one related to the death of a female athlete due to an overdose of anti-inflammatory cream. In other words the young lady died from using too much Bengay.

Dr. Ronald Grelsamer of Mount Sinai Medical Center said Newman had a very abnormal amount of methyl salicylate in her body.

"She either lathered herself with it, or used way too much, or she used a normal amount and an abnormal percentage was absorbed into her body," he said.

Its a sad story but at the same time I just find myself asking the question how much Bengay does one need to rub down with in order to O.D on that stuff. I mean she must have been bathing or swimming in that chemical or something. They said she was using like three different products with the chemical in it. I'm thinking ya know if you need to use that much of the stuff on your aching muscles then its probably safer to just stop doing whatever is making them ache so much until your body can heal on its own.

The second story relates to two officials in China who got jailed after they allowed a blind contractor to construct a bridge which eventually fell down.

Huh! Blind contractor? OK now my first thought was if ya was a crooked politician trying to siphon off some funds for your pocket you could at least come up with something better than a blind contractor as an excuse for why the bridge fall down. I mean if ya need some help I'm sure one of those crooked poli-trick-sions we got in the Caribbean could give ya a tip or two.

Then the next question was the obvious. But wait how he could be building a bridge if he blind? I mean even if the man did name Matt Murdock or he was having Inner Visions like Stevie this still wouldn't make any sense.

I mean I know they say if you lose one sense the others become sharper but still! I mean if every blind man could build a bridge then that would got to be real easy to do.

Plus this situation just gives rise to so many questions? Does he check all the work by touch? Did he just become recently blind? If so did he do this work before the incident of blindness set in? How easy is it to slack off if he's your boss on the construction site? Was he born blind and just using his imagination to construct the bridge like "in my mind this is what I think a bridge should look like and he really constructing a tunnel or something so and no one ain't feel to tell him different."

Seriously have you ever heard anything as crazy as this?

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Not Classy to Ashy

"Seen crying her rich little eyes out in Court, Paris Hilton cried out for her mommy before being lead off to her jail cell. "

So I guess in all this hoopla I am supposed to feel sorry for her right? Poor little spoilt rich girl. Cuhdear!

And I guess because she cried and bawled for mommy and because she thinks the 45 day sentence is unfair I should have some sympathy as if people with real sentences and real beefs with their verdicts don't also get sent to jail.

Sorry Paris I just don't have that sympathy or compassion to spare right now. You did the crime you man up to the sentence.

First off, it isn't like you're in a real jail anyways. You're in your own cell, no cellmate, in a nice little club-fed like jail. Ain't not one shank within 20 miles of that joint. But I guess coming from where you are coming from this must be the scariest place you've ever had to stay overnight.

So you somehow finagled yourself out of the sentence into house arrest. The sheriff said you were sick and released you. That's one of the slickest escapes I've seen since Bo and Luke were escaping the Hazzard County jail on the daily. Ah ha! I always wondered where Roscoe P Coldtrain went after the show, I guess he was reincarnated as Sheriff Lee Baca. Probably didn't hinder your release that your grand daddy Warbucks contributed to the Sheriff's election either. What do they say? One hand washes the other?

But seriously don't you see how commuting your sentence to house arrest is just like letting you off scotch free? I mean house arrest is cool when the person is confined to a small apartment or 2 bedroom house or something but house arrest in your ridiculous mansion? How many rooms y'all got in that joint? Come on now, that spot is probably as big as some entire parishes in the Caribbean. Giving you house arrest is like giving you a vacation at home. You could call in the rest of the 'non talented or famous for not doing a damn thing useful' crowd and party for a whole month.

The media seems to want us to pity your situation. The judge is being too harsh, he needs to be lenient, he's targeting you, they are trying to make an example of celebrities. Whatever! It might be true or it might not be true but look you thought you were above the system. You thought well hell I get away with my wild behavior all the time, my exhibitionist ways, showing off my privates in public, my tirades, my drunken exploits. Its what America no cut that what the world expects of me, Paris.

Well looks like its time to pay the piper.

So that I'm sick get me out of jail card doesn't gain any sympathy over here. Sorry when someone is sick in jail they get sent to the infirmary not home. Hell even pregnant women don't get sent home from jail, they deliver right there behind bars. Sick isn't a get out of jail free card. Please!

The funniest thing that I read though was this comment that I saw on Friday:"Friends said that she was not eating or sleeping in jail, and that she had been crying a lot. Some reports suggested that this was because she had not been allowed to wax or use moisturiser. Others claimed she was on the verge of a breakdown. "

In another report they also claimed she was suicidal.

Well pardon me! You mean to tell me that lack of moisturizer can lead to a breakdown and suicidal thoughts? If that's the case then they best not run out of soap up there at that prison or Paris will be a goner for sure.

But think about it how sweet is your life if ashiness is the major problem depressing you? Not money, not mortgage or car payment, not illness or family drama or work stressing you but moisturising you skin. Damn that must be nice but again its not the type of thing likely to gain sympathy from me or the general public.

Still I guess I learnt something new today. All these Anti-depression drugs like Zoloft, Xanax and Prozac that people wasting their money on all their mental problems would be easily resolved instead if we only just gave them some Vaseline Intensive Care lotion to relieve their ashiness. Forget Global Warming and all that's silliness we as a people must ban together and battle the spread of that insidious scourge ashiness. Share the moisturizing cream with those less fortunate and more ashy.

What the world needs now is lotion, just lotion.

Friday, June 08, 2007


This story made me laugh this morning.

Saw it as a breaking news story on TV last night and thought I hope they solve this. Witnesses saw a scruffy looking man dragging a 4 year old girl through a wooded area and alerted police. They then staged a massive manhunt assuming that the girl was abducted. Last night's scenes showed tens of police beating the bush looking for this alleged criminal and the lost girl.

Then when ya hear the shout the girl ain't get no abducted or kidnapped. The scruffy looking man was her father.

Well to me it was good for a laugh.

Cant blame the witnesses they did what they thought was right. Cant blame the police either they responded and didn't take chances. I blame the lil girl cause if she was behaving sheself the scruffy looking father wouldn't have to drag she along anyplace.

But how scruffy is scruffy that people wouldn't think you are the father and report you to police? I want to know cause I feel something like that could easily happen to me.

Sooner or later somebody going say "Police look I see a scruffy looking black man pushing a stroller in Scarborough wid a chile crying and de chile doan look nuttin like he. He look suspicious too. I feel he kidnap de people chile!"

Next thing ya know task force and all sorta police wid big guns AK-47s and Bazookas chase me down, surround me an shoot me cause dem mistake de straw in my Tim Hortons ice-cap for a 9 millimeter or something equally ridiculous.

Wunnah may laugh but dat could happen.

See how children duz get ya in trouble?

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Body Slam

Boy this fella Akon could only be a good pieca idiot!

I mean he get cuss out good and proper fa wukkin up on the young under-age girl in Trinidad just last month or so and now he back in the news for stupidness again.

How he going to throw a fan off the stage just so?

Look try and Google or youtube the video for yourself but I watched it last night and all I can say is now I can see why he had to sing lyrics like "I'm locked up, they wont let me out" cause for right now I feel they shouldn't have let you out in the first place. At least not without some sort of psychological evaluation.

I mean regardless of what the fan said to you how are you going to invite the man up on stage and then without warning do your best imitation of the WWF and just up and fling the man into the crowd? What kind of stupidness that is?

And what is Akon's problem with picking up people? First it was the young girl who he fling round all over the stage like she was a rag doll now he lifts up this guy and throw him down bram! just like a big bag of cement. Look man behave yourself people aren't inanimate objects that you can just do them sort of things too.

But you ain't got nuh sorta sense man? The Trinidad thing cost you sponsorships and tour dates and all sort of money and now you get a lil pieca stage time here and this is how you behave? Plus if you're going do these sorts of things why would you do them in places where people got a million cameras? I was able to watch you throw the man offstage from at least 4 different angles last night without even doing a serious search for it. You aint realize that every time you perform somebody nowadays duz got a camera phone, a video camera, a tv camera sometimes even a pinhole camera aimed at ya. And once they got you on film you cant deny and say i wasn't you that do the deed.

Looka boy I don't know what wrong with you but try and disappear for a while cause you getting out of hand plus your voice starting to get on my nerves like Rihanna's Um-ba-rella. Go and seek salvation or something cause you really need the lord.

Monday, June 04, 2007

eediat ting dat!

How the world gone mad! (this is like 5 posts in one so feel free to leave me 5 times the comments)

Chapter 1: All we certain of is that he's dead.
Ya mean to tell me that three months later they are going to come out and tell me that Bob Woolmer wasn't murdered? Chupse! You know how bad that murder business did look on the Caribbean and the World Cup and now you're saying it was natural causes? Chupse! Ya mean people was speculating about betting mafias, Muslim and Hindu extremists, strangulation, secret poisons, hitmen and everything under the sun and all for nothing. You know how many blog posts I waste on Woolmer and how much words other people waste on this case plus nothing to talk about the damage this cause to reputations and the like? And ya know people going say the Caribbean police ain't up to the mark but the pathologist that start the ball rolling on this murder thing ain't West Indian, the Jamaican police inspector in charge wasn't West Indian either plus the Jamaican police had call in Scotland Yard. You know Scotland Yard? Dem fellas that used to link up with Sherlock Holmes and could solve a murder just by looking at the sweat under a hat rim and a shadow somebody left in the back yard. Dem fellas supposed to be good man. How come they couldn't tell we from every since that the man wasn't murdered?

Eediat ting dat!

Chapter 2: Terror in the skies
I guess by now everybody's heard about this joker with the TB who flew all over the Western world. Andrew Speaker knew he was sick with TB yet he chose to fly all the way to Greece for his wedding. Then even though officials there told him to stay put cause he was infected with a strain resistant to the usual drugs he flew all the way back via Prague to Canada then drove to the US for treatment claiming that he was afraid that if he stayed over in Europe he would have died.

Chupse! You ever hear such stupidness? You know how many people this man could have infected? Bin Laden would be recommending he for awards for the damage he could have inflicted! Speaker is on a bunch of planes with hundreds of passengers going all over the world, then he gets off in Montreal and drives down to the US likely stopping at a couple of Tim Hortons on the way. You know how many people he could have possibly come into contact with and spread his disease? (I mean even the smallest Tim Hortons does have like 200 people lined up for a double double and a donut when the morning come.)

The Authorities always chatting about Al Quida and Iran and Iraq doing biological warfare but this man could have played Typhoid Mary on a global scale and set off a new black plague or super epidemic that could have wiped out a significant chunk of the Western World.

Homeland security running down every man jack with a tan, we worrying bout Chicken flu, and people still ain't coming back to Toronto since CNN & BBC bad mouth we bout the lil SARs outbreak 4 years ago that get blown out of proportion meanwhile this clown running about the place free as a bird with a disease that if it turned into an epidemic could have made 9/11 look like a lil nail juk.

And then on top of that now he got the nerve to talk about he sorry. Sorry! Sorry doesn't begin to excuse your actions. Man if I had been on a plane with him during this affair I would be now looking to lick he down with two big rocks or getting my Chuck Fender on (gash dem & light dem).

Talk about absolutely selfish.

Now he's complaining about why they have armed guards at his hospital door? Well my boy its because you run around the place even though they told you to stay put and you endangered thousands of lives. You my man are a threat to society and if there was any real justice in this world they would lock you away for a good long time.

Oh and the icing on the case is that he's done completely screwed up his father in law cause how it going to look that he had TB and run around so when the father-in-law is a TB expert. Way to get in with the in-laws Andrew!

Eediat ting dat!

Chapter 3: The Rundown
Speaking of in-laws. Then there is this incident. Some sort of Sri Lankan on Sri Lankan violence in Toronto. This high school kid has been seriously targeted. First allegedly some of the guys from his school threw a Molotov cocktail through the window of his home. They missed him but his mother and sister both got injured with his mother still in hospital now with serious burn injuries.

Now as if that wasn't bad enough the father of the girl he's been dating tries to run both him and the girl over.

Sorry to tell you this my yout but you my friend are snakebit. You need to keep a low profile. And if I was someone who knew you I would be trying to keep my distance too cause I ain't sure what will happen next with you. You wearing a target and I ain't want to be anywhere close to you.

The eediat ting award in this story though goes to the father who tried to run down this lad and his own daughter. My man I could understand that you vex that this guy going out with your daughter but tell me how running over both of them solves anything? I mean maybe I might give you a pass if you were the TB fellow's father in law in the previous chapter cause his career might go through the Eedoes because his daughter marry a moron.

I might even give you a pass if you just run down the fella but once you added your daughter into the equation I got to seriously question your logic. Yes running her over gets rid of the dating problem but umm it also gets rid of your daughter. Did you stop and think about that. Hmmmm.

All I can say is that your head got to be bad my man.

Eediat ting that!

Chapter 4: Oops!
So Billy Donovan, former coach of the back to back NCAA champs the Florida Gators signs a big 27 Mil contract to move onto the NBA and coach the Orlando Magic and budding superstar Dwight Howard. Good move Mr Donovan. Lets look at it logically. You are at the top of your game having won two championships so nothing left to prove at the college level. Your star college players have all declared for this years NBA draft so next year in College ball the team will struggle. check! You're heading to the NBA the toppa toppa basketball league in the world and you're getting a pay raise. 27 Mil contact. Damn that's like Lotto money! Way to go Billy!

So you sign the contact on Friday and now its Monday and you decide you have made a mistake? Mistake? Guy they are paying you 27 Mil , to coach in the biggest league in the world. You have one of the better young big men on your new roster and a young team that made the playoffs this year, your old team is going to suck for a couple of years, you get to stay in Florida and if the Magic fire you you probably still get most of that money. Mistake, how could this be a mistake?

Now you are saying you want out and the Magic are saying if you want out they can sue you for breach of contract. So you're going from +27 Mil to negative money. Way to go Billy, way to go!

Eediat ting dat!

Chapter 5: Trini to the Bomb
Saturday at one of my myriad social events (and yes in case you wondered I hit up every last one of them and survived although at one event I was repeated attacked by a small child with a balloon sword) I heard about this alleged terror plot targeting JFK being perpetrated by some West Indian people. Guyanese and Trini apparently not that it matter which countries cause all a we is one and this is going to reflect badly on the region as a whole.

Apparently they had some plan to blow up something or the other at JFK and disrupt the flights. Serious business that!

Anyway two things about this alleged plot got me. First off one of the suspects is a former MP from Guyana. MP? You mean as in Member of Parliament? An elected official? I'm going to have to ask Guyana Gyal what kind of people them voting for down there cause I was really shocked that a fellow with them sort of credentials would do something so. I mean I know a lot of politicians aint really that bright but you really don't expect a fellow once he been involved in electoral politricks to turn terrorist.

Yes the Caribbean full of crooked politicians but most a them just trying to line their pockets quick before they get vote out they ain't trying to blow up nobody.

And then the other thing was that to show how stupid these wannabe terrorists were the biggest joke is that homeland security say that the plot wasn't even technically feasable. Chupse! So you mean you was plotting for a good long while, long enough for people to put you under surveillance, collect evidence and arrest you, and it turn out that the whole thing wouldn't even have worked if you had had the chance to execute it? Chupse! That is insult added to injury. That is like me sitting down here and get blueprints and safe cracking tools and hire getaway car and come up with a plan to go rob the bank on the corner and when ya hear the shout the bank on the corner been closed down for 5 years. Waste a damn time!

Shame on allya wannabe terrorists! Not only wunnah mek West Indians look bad but wunnah mek we look stupid stupid too! Before y'all start this thing somebody should have sent one of wunnah that email that been floating around about why West Indians cannot be terrorists.

Eediat ting dat!