Banks

Found this paragraph written but never posted from two years back and I think it relates to this story
(I had promised to keep this to myself cause complaining seems pointless (but this really isnt a complaint), plus as a Bajan at home pointed out to me we 'foreigners' doan know how things duz work in Barbados and duz come wid we foreign thoughts and new-fangled ideas and wanta get vex bout things in Bim when we not actually contributing to Bajan society or in other words 'grin and bear um' or 'shut up and put up'.)

Anyway with that off my chest...........

looka dese wufliss Bajan people doah!

Comin back to dat in a bit.

As a immigrant, living ova in away, wunna know how hard um is to do business wid anyone back in Barbados? Lawd avest mercy!! Dem people down deyso got a knack of mekkin every iota difficult ya hear! An den dey duz complain dat overseas Bajans wun invest and give back to de country.

Ah know wunna gine tell me I been in Canada too long and I get Canadian-ish an faget how we duz do things home and I shud keep quiet (see first paragraph). Well I do know and I don't expect tings home to be like up hayso but cuhdear sometimes wunna duz mek simple tings too too hard ya.

Exhibit A: Consider something seemingly as simple as opening a bank account.

In Toronto, I can walk into a bank wid my lil deposit, my i.d and social insurance number and maybe they may ask for a letter from muh workplace if dey malicious, an in two twos I got three accounts, overdraft protection. a bank card, a line a credit, 6 credit cards, 2 mortgage offers, a toaster, two iPads and the bank manager home number. Thanks Bob, pleasure doing business!


In Bim, well...............

What a Kadooment!

Well the finale of Barbados' crop over festival occurred this past Monday with the big annual Kadooment day parade. This year Bajan singer Rihanna took part in the parade and since she is an international superstar of course the international press followed her every move on Kadooment day.


Foreign press is what wrong wid wunnah doah? Chupse!

Judging from the general ignorance I have read on some of the international news sites (mind you most of them arent exactly paragons of excellence) it is clear to me that they either (1) just want to pick on Rihanna or (2) just do not understand a caribbean carnival celebration. I think it may actually be a bit of both.

Only 16

She was only sixteen, only sixteen
I loved her so
But she was too young to fall in love
And I was too young to know
Only 16 - Sam Cooke

“Lost” actor Doug Hutchison, who played Dharma Initiative leader Horace Goodspeed, wed an aspiring country singer 35 years his junior in Las Vegas in May. And we do mean junior. Courtney Alexis Stodden is 16, an also-ran for Miss Teen Washington USA last year. For those of you a little hazy on the math, Hutchison is 51. 

But wuhloss imagine that! a 51 one year old married to a 16 year old. Who he think he name, Hugh Heffner?

He aint have no shame? Big hard back man 51 and he marrying a child could be he grand daughter. And dont gi me that crap about love aint got no age limits and all that. This is pure lawlessness!

But what got me is to marry the girl mother had to give consent. What kind of mother, in western society, allows their 16 year old to marry a 51 year old? Might as well sell her off into white slavery or something. What a ting! 

I might run 4 mayor

i might run for mayor, ***** ask your momma ima mutha**** player
Mayor - Pac Division

In one message, Giambrone tells Lucas, "I still think of you when I need ... um ... stimulation."


Toronto city councillor Adam Giambrone fled from a news conference unable to speak Wednesday morning, leaving an aide to announce the end of Giambrone’s mayoralty campaign.......
He said the scandal taught him “that a public career of integrity” cannot survive the disclosures about multiple affairs.

De man get skin up and skin out!

What a poppit! Now imagine he running for mayor, bring out he pretty lil political supposed live in partner decked out in she sensible dress and pearls loooking all like she going to the white house and meanwhile he got a young hottie .... or two on the side that he ummm sexting wid amongst other things.

And how he going to break up wid one a de young hotties by waiting til he ready to run for mayor to tell the girl that he got a partner and then saying but that dont change nuttin between we an tellin she he still thinking of she when he need stimulation. Wha any half decent woman in dem right mind aint want nuh man to tell them dat dem got anudda woman an dem just thinking a dem as a sex toy. That dem is number 2 cause even if they suspect that they are they want the illusion that they arent. Cuhdear now. Wha Giambrone could be thinking though? He really thought that the girl was gine guh long wid this plan? Wha he aint even got nuh looks nor nuh Tiger Woods money. Man he duz tek the train and streetcar to work juss like me. Ya feel the woman gine tek a number two spot from a fella like so. Chupse!

He really is a clown fa true though and a fraud and a liar cause from the text messages and stuff that have been exposed it seems like this live in partner he trotted out when he declared his candidacy was a bare cover for his political aspirations meanwhile in reality he living like he believe the line in de song "the gal pun the side juk the best" and having what he say now "multiple affairs".

And what about the accusations that he was giving the one girl insider TTC info. Not that that worth a hill a beans one way or the other but as a public official even if ya cant keep ya fly shut ya shud be able to keep ya mout shut when it comes to policy decisions coming down the pipeline. He fail big time.

And to see the tall gangly yout ya neva woulda tell that him a galyst ya know. Well well well.

Where he went wrong was in trotting out the fraudulent live in partner. If he did just run as a single fella we wouldn't be having this discussion. So he was getting frisky with multiple women. So he had sex at City hall. Whatever! We would just write it off as he's a politicians an dem fellas aint easy. But no he had to cover and lie and when ya cover and lie and ya get expose that is where all the drama duz arise.

Anyhow he din gine win the mayor race nuh how so is juss that he embarrass heself and the live in partner and he family.

Must be mad

A 61-year-old man has been charged with child cruelty after allegedly slapping a toddler he did not know when she would not stop crying.
Police claim Roger Stephens slapped the two-year-old girl four times, leaving her face red, after warning her mother to keep her quiet in a Wal-Mart in Atlanta, Georgia.
'See, I told you I would shut her up,' he said to the mother after the attack, according to a police report.

Read the rest here.

Slap my chile!! My CHILE! Who!! Naa star cant happen.

Now looka I'm all for a village raising children and I know back in the days if a child did doing foolishness a neighbour might cut he tail and send he home to get he tail tarnish again by the parents but a complete stranger stepping to a child and hitting it in Walmart? Totally outrageous.

It says here after the incident they call security for him. Call security for who? Look if he did hit my child they wun be no calling of security it would be ambulance or undertaker they calling cause I woulda wash he way in some propa blows.

Imagine the poor chile crying, a lil two year old of all things, a toddler, and he a big hardback old man slap the chile 4 times. Wha he could only want two bullpisle lashes in he back? Whapax!

Look I see many children crying in public places for apparently no reason all the time. I admit that it can be annoying at times but hey its for the parents to deal with plus at most times there are totally legitimate reasons for the tears anyways especially if the child is that young and doesnt have the means to express itself verbally. All you can do is accept that.

I do see folks on the subway who get mighty upset when a child is crying though, like the chile interrupting their sleep or they dont feel the chile has as much right to be on the train as they do. Get over it people! Accept it, make the best of it, smile at the chile, move on.

But I feel this man coulda only have mental problems or be drunk or on drugs cause how he gine haul off and slap up somebody chile dat he aint kno so doah? Wha in this day an age that is a real risk. Suppose the mudda did haul out a gun or a knife and juck he through or pick up some a Walmart cutback specials and gi he a cutass. Wha dat wud be he own fault. Poppit!

Pitino

Ok so I'm just loving this Rick Pitino story.

Is not the fact that he big, hardback, 50 something married man, 5 kids, 2 dogs and an all-American picket fence plus not to mention a nice job as a NCAA basketball coach had an extramarital affair. I figure that probably happens more than we know or would like to admit.

Its not that he had the "tryst" with the woman in question at a restaurant after hours on a table with one of his assistants nearby standing guard to make sure no one found out. No is not that even though I wonder where he recruits his staff cause a fella like that must be one in a million since good help is so hard to find these days. I must say this assistant really went beyond the call of duty, way beyond the job description. I wonder if Pitino and the assistant coach use a clipboard to draw up plays before Pitino went into the game so to speak. "Alight Rick we can do this, I want you to be aggressive on offense, cause the clock is ticking down fast. I calling a for a Daggering play with the Ramping shop option."

Its not even that after the woman end up pregnant Pitino gave her $3,000 for an abortion although he claims it was for medical insurance. (Big lie!) No man, he was trying to cover his trail avoid the drama and the backlash that would have come with the coach fathers child after one night stand stories.

No, the one part of the story that puts it way, way over the edge and just got me here laughing is that sometime after the event Pitino's equipment manager married the woman and she alleges that Pitino set that up to keep her quiet.

Damn, damn damn!

Now let me get this right. You marry a woman cause you boss mek you marry she? Wow! This boggles my mind.

All I can say is that Pitino has really upped the ante for all celebrity, big money maker entourages. I mean the assistant keeping watch was bad enough but this. Plus back in the day your random celebrity, big money type, just needed a fella to carry the drugs and a fella to take a fall and claim the unlicensed firearm that went off in the club was his and not yours. And that could have been the same fella cause you could always tie he back with a drugs firearm relationship and make it seem like you Mr random celebrity were still innocent. Now thanks to Pitino you need a fella in your entourage to marry the jump-off (And in case y'all don't know jump off is it is what dese young people duz call women that ya duz have one night stands etc with) to cover your indiscretions.

That is a harder thing to find than a bodyguard cause a fella might not feel a way about catching a bullet for ya but catch a marriage? You know how many fellas would do that? Not many I'm guessing.

Still all seriousness now, I'm wondering how a fellow like Pitino still has a job or at least hasn't been suspended from his job. How does a nice school like Louisville, in a red state like Kentucky, where they always try to give the impression that they have superior morals and they are so prim and proper, at least in public, can still support the man is even more mind boggling to me. And the NCAA, the College Athletics Association, the head authority, how do those guys that will routinely throw the book at a student athlete if he or she take a stick of chewing gum or a free donut from anyone, how can they stand aside so silently on this situation?

And God help us if this situation was with a professional sports player. Lawd a mercy those Authorities would have thrown the book at him long time ago and we would be inundated with comments on his infidelity, his stupidity, his womanizing, his attitude and his sense of entitlement cause he makes big money and he has enablers around him in his entourage. Well I don't think anybody has bigger enablers than Pitino and his take on a sham marriage for the boss staff. So how come he getting a pass?

We would hear how this story reflects badly on which ever sports league the player belong to as well. How come Pitino isn't getting much of that negative press yet? I mean he makes big millions of dollars too, he got a big ego, he in the public eye and clearly he has an enabling entourage. If anything this is worse than the players doing it cause he actually the boss man leading and teaching young students athletes.

So how come they trying to act like this incident is nothing spectacular when this story is bare bacchanal. How they acting like it is par for the course?

I guess is like Animal Farm teach we. All Animals created equal but some just more equal.

Pink Caddy

She was driving a big mout car. Car mout suh big that is bout three minutes between when you first see the headlights and when you see the driver. A big, big, long pink cadillac!

I wonder how that car mout get suh big though? Must be like when as a chile and ya mudda tell ya doan push up ya mout or it will stan push up for good. Well this car musse push up it mout as a chile car and it just stick so cause the car mout long, long, long like an alligator wun.

Must be one of the first times I ever see one of them on the road too. I thought dem Cadillacs so was Hollywood cars? I didn't know people drove dem in real life. Color remind me of the suit Nas was wearing in the video for Street Dreams. Bright bright so!

So see she turning the corner as I walked through Kensington Market heading back to Spadina.

She? Well she was some hippy looking, notty dread locks want washing, white girl in a tank top dat could barely see over the dashboard properly. So see she turn the corner and driving down the road slow, slow, slow cause I guess if ya driving a pink cadillac its written in within the warranty and license that ya can only go suh fast or ya not doing justice to the vehicle.

As if driving something suh big and suh pink aint gettin' ya enough attention.

Anyways she moseying down the road, peep over the dashboard and notice that a few pigeons was in the road ahead of she. Bout five of them just deyso peck peck pecking away

Ya know what the foolish girl start doing? She start honking she horn. Pramp , Pramp, Pramp, Pramp, Pramp!

At first I thought there was traffic ahead a she dat I din see and she trying to honk at dem but no she honking at birds. chupse!

And she slow down to less than a crawl now and peeping over the dashboard past the car long mout trying to peep at the pigeons. But the pigeons ain't paying no real attention to the Pramp Pramp and she just disturbing the peace cause they still in the road picking at whatever invisible dust it is on the road that duz fascinate pigeons so and dem only backing off slightly when the big wheels of the long mout car get too close.

She couldn't be pramp pramping at me, the pigeons musse was thinking to themselves. She gotta recognize that we dont answer to nuh pramp, pramp, pramp. Maybe she cud get way wid talking to blackbirds or sparrows or wood doves like dat but ya gots to come correct when ya addressing we ...........

So all she doing is peeping and Pramp Pramping, adding to the usual noise pollution of the market instead a driving through the foolish pigeons.

I get a good view a she as I get closer cause she was only bothering my head wid de long lotta loud noise. pramp pramp pramp on the horn like the horn gine outta style. She getting on like she forget that dem is birds and they can fly away if and when they really they want.

She look like one a dem sorta hippy, duz smoke nuff weed, I love the earth and the animals are my brothers and sisters and I wouldn't so much as eat a chicken leg cause it would pain me to think that the one time I eat pieca de colonel's secret recipe I deprive a one legged chicken somewhere in need of a leg transplant of its one chance at lasting happiness types.

You ever meet dem yet? De wuns dat duz dread dem hair cause they feel that locks make them closer to mother earth somehow. Either that or they frighten fa a comb! All dum duz usually end up wid some big, ugly, hardback rasta man dat no decent respectable woman white , black, brown or green wud give the time of day to. Some musty want bathing fella wid a name like I-vexwidsociety or I-cantevenspellmynameproperly or I this that an de third. And next ting ya see two a dum walking de streets wid three or four hard headed pickneys running bout the place............

But anyways she deyso gine on bout the place wid de pramp pramp thing getting people tired enough a de long mout pink car and the pigeons barely egging she on backing back slow slow giving she their best we will move when we good and ready to move intimidatory looks and laughing at she cause they realize how they making she look like a real jackass.

Eventually someone shouted out "Just drive, they will move when they want to." That like that wake she out of she trance cause she look over at the sidewalk to see who had spoken. Was a fella from one a de stores moving some piece of furniture or shelf on the sidewalk. "Don't worry about them, Dem could fly ya kno!"

And it finally clicked with her so she moved on picking up pace again back to her slow I want you to look at me in this pink caddy pace.

As for the pigeons, to be honest to me dem aint worth wha paddy shot at. I think they survive but I couldn't be bothered to look back and see fa true.

Signs

They say signs that the end is near
I wonder can I walk a righteous path holding a beer
Resurrection - Common

Is just reality.....

Yesterday while channel surfing I caught a glimpse of one of the newest reality shows entitled Shot at Love. In case you haven't seen it (and I really couldn't recommend that you go out of your way to watch) its sort of like the Bachelorette but with a twist. See the bachelorette seeking love in this case is one Tila Tequlia, apparently a pretty popular personality on myspace, who is bisexual. So instead of this being a straight case of Tila looking for a man, she is looking for either a man or a woman.

Lawd come fa ya world!

Reality TV! Sigh! Now I wont get on my high horse and play like I don't watch it every now and then. I did watch Tyra's Top Model and the Amazing Race and I'll even admit that I watched last season's College Hill once I realized it was set in the Caribbean but I mean seriously I just don't get this whole Reality TV thing sometimes.

Has anything ever been so aptly misnamed before? I mean just call it shows without SAG actors and be done with it but there is very little reality in reality TV.

Ya know what too? Its going to be sad if those Hollywood writers go on strike cause the networks will beat us till we're silly with new reality shows. All I know is that if the writers go on strike my DVD will be getting a serious workout cause I not looking to watch all this reality sillyness. I can watch one episode or so every few months cause is preferable to watching grass grow but not me and that on a regular basis.

Still back to this shot at Love thing. Every time I see them push the boundaries with the slackness of these reality shows I keep going back to Arnold and that 1987 Running Man movie.
How far fetched is it now that we've seen Dog the Bounty Hunter and Scare Factor and Cops and shows like that for us to see the day when we'll be seeing them execute folks on TV. Yea I'm making a bit of a leap but that leap isn't as big as it was once upon a time.