TIFF

Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF) has been going on for the past two weeks. Now while I'm sure its a boon for the City economically and culturally, I am really happy that it finished on Saturday so I can get my sidewalks back.

I mean I have had to navigate the King St sidewalks near the Bell Lighthouse, the headquarters of TIFF, on my way to the subway station on evenings and let me tell you it hasn't been easy.

TIFF

I wukkin down near de heart of TIFF these days. By TIFF I mean de Toronto International Film Festival and by the Heart of TIFF I mean downtown near King St W and de Bell lightbox where alot of the TIFF activities duz happen.

Only 16

She was only sixteen, only sixteen
I loved her so
But she was too young to fall in love
And I was too young to know
Only 16 - Sam Cooke

“Lost” actor Doug Hutchison, who played Dharma Initiative leader Horace Goodspeed, wed an aspiring country singer 35 years his junior in Las Vegas in May. And we do mean junior. Courtney Alexis Stodden is 16, an also-ran for Miss Teen Washington USA last year. For those of you a little hazy on the math, Hutchison is 51. 

But wuhloss imagine that! a 51 one year old married to a 16 year old. Who he think he name, Hugh Heffner?

He aint have no shame? Big hard back man 51 and he marrying a child could be he grand daughter. And dont gi me that crap about love aint got no age limits and all that. This is pure lawlessness!

But what got me is to marry the girl mother had to give consent. What kind of mother, in western society, allows their 16 year old to marry a 51 year old? Might as well sell her off into white slavery or something. What a ting! 

Halle Berry

Is it just my thinking or does Halle Berry really stink at choosing men?

I mean don't get me wrong, she is one of the most beautiful women in the world great at her proven craft of acting but.......

New movies

For years I knew Hollywood was scratching the bottom of the barrel looking for movie ideas but today I see this one and all I could do was shake my head.

"Fringe" co-producer/writer Brad Caleb Kane will be writing a movie based on the View-Master toy, which first came on the market in 1939.

allya remember viewmasters? Well if ya around my age you should anyways.



But how ya duz base a movie starting with the premise viewmaster? Wha kinda plot that is? I mean if ya say a fella was looking thru he viewmaster an the images come to life that is different but base the movie simply on the viewmaster? wha dat soun like bare igrance, which probably means it will be a summer blockbuster.

Look if allya hardup for stories in holywood come check me ya kno. I have stories fa days an decades. Blockbuster can mek money type stories. So holla at me Hollywood. Doan let we start this Viewmaster thing now. I mean is bad enuff wunnah already looking to mek a Barbie movie. Looka muh crosses!

Another example

Sorry to make this a celebrity blog the last few days (but since nuhbody aint reading anyways then whatever) .

Let me just briefly talk bout this David Letterman thing. Talk show host David Letterman get on his show last week and came clean about him having relationships with women who used to work for him in the past. Basically it came out cause somebody was blackmailing him.

While I feel for him and all that clearly he is being handled with the celebrity gloves (which are even softer than kids gloves by the way) cause seriously having relations with lackeys and underlings is just a really really bad thing to do. This aint no Mad Men era. This is 2009. Any other non-celebrity boss who was doing something like, even if they come clean and sounded contrite would probably have been shown the door for that inappropriate behaviour. I mean this is David Letterman, as weird looking as he looks he's famous as anyone in the showbiz world and it's not like the man would be hard done to find some chicks outside the workplace to have relations with.

But since he is a ratings magnet, CBS is dealing with him like nothing happened. Just lets pretend there is nothing to see here and it will go away.

And before someone says oh shut up its his personal business who cares. Well it is his personal business but its an ethical breech of code. If he was picking up random chicks or dudes in a bar , then that is a personal thing but when ya hitting on coworkers and staff thats just not only messed up its wrong.

But its not like Dave's going be fired or even reprimanded. So whatever

Polanski

I still trying to understand this whole Roman Polanski arrest thing. This thing just got me scratching my head.

No is not that he just get arrest although I seriously wondering why dem aint try and get he lil sooner. Um is that people in Hollywood actually signing petitions in support of a man that openly admit that he commit statutory rape.

I mean doan get me wrong, I think summa dese young girls way too fast an forceripe but come on man, a 43 year old man sleeping wid a 13 year old? That is beyond ridiculous. A man old enuff to be she father. A man old enough to have seen life and to know right from wrong.

No man no excuses at all cant save he. he cudda been drunk, high, or mad an I still find his acts inexcusable.

An den de man plead guilty and run away from the law like he feel he name Dr Kimble in de Fugitive. Yet these people like Whoopi Goldberg and Woody Allen etc got the audacity to support he. Well Woody Allen I aint surprised bout cause he got a freakiness in he too sleeping wid he adopted daughter or step daughter or whatever um was. Sick sick people. Doan let me even mention the rumours bout Morgan Freeman cause he is a fella dat really mek muh shame lately.

But back to Polanski. Boy celebrity status is a ting aint it? You dun know if this was you, me or Joe sixpack that was accused a this crime and had plead guilty and then went on the lam and end up in France working in somebody vineyard or at somebody factory mekkin shoelaces or door handles that nuhbody din signing nuh petition fa we. Everybody wud be like well he do the crime an he deserve ta guh jail and let the other criminals deal wid he. I lie?

But cause this Polanski fella is a man dat mek summuch an summuch movies now he special, so we should gi he a pass. Man hell no. Let he guhlong ta court and face justice just like everybody else.

Wunnah hollywood people need jesus that is wha. Supporting a criminal like he so dat troubling lil girls. shame shame on wunnah.

never can say goodbye

Do you remember the time when Michael was a pop icon rather than tabloid fodder?

At the end he was more bogeyman than boogie-man, more monster than hero, more goat than G.O.A.T, more caricature than role model but there was a time when Michael apparently was a cool inspiration to black folks and loved by everyone worldwide. But that was a while back wasn't it?

My wife reminded me this morning that when the Thriller album came out Michael made it cool to be black in North America. He made black music commercially viable and gave it MTV appeal. I also hold him personally responsible for the horror that was the jeri curl era but in some parts of the world Michael Jackson was the first black person that anyone had ever seen ever. You see those suburban white kids imitating today's rappers? Well the original cross-over appeal artist was Michael, white glove and all. Everyone loved Michael (even Prince fans).

Without Michael there would be no Puffy, no Jay Z, no Chris Brownes, no Ushers.

And man could he dance!

Now Michael is known as much for his antics as for his music. Its all very plain to see in the nickname he was given "Wacko Jacko". For every Beat it, there is a but the dude had a zoo at Neverland story, for every Black or White there is a he walked around in a SARs mask for years rebuttal and lets not even go into the Michael and Bubbles and Michael and little children stories or the dangling small child off balcony acts, the bankruptcy rumours and the crazy marriages etc.

Dude became one of those stories you shook your head at. A walking tragedy, someone to be pitied. Poor Michael, all that talent, all that fame, still crazy as ass. What happened to that cat? Some blamed his dad, some said he never grew up, some said he was taken advantage of or was just missing some screws up top. Who knows!

What I can say is that a lot of the boo hoo hoo I miss him stories that will circulate in the coming days are a bunch of crap and highly hypocritical and come from the people who two days ago were more than likely dissing or laughing at ol boy.

Come on now, dude had become a caricature. Forget the don't speak ill of the dead credo and admit it. You know it, I know it. In fact when last did you make a Michael duz trouble lil children crack or passed around a Michael now looks like a white woman email or dissed his ever changing nose? Exactly! This is what Michael had become of late so don't try to cover it up.

It is what it is. But it just goes to show you that opinions and life can change in a matter of minutes. The same ones dissing him yesterday are now the ones showering him with praise today. Guess you cant get all your props til you're gone.

He was great, his recording legacy may stand the test of time, he was definitely a trailblazer, one of the greatest dancers and entertainers and he was the King of Pop, but like many prodigies and icons over the years Michael got old and somewhat irrelevant music wise and his eccentricities became his hallmark later in life. (Apparently the lucky ones die young. Imagine if Tupac and Biggie or Bob Marley had lived past their primes?)

Michael went from the King of Pop to King of Weird. He's gone now and some will feel guilty and realize dude regardless of his eccentricities was one of a kind and we will miss him now. But who will be remembered: 1982 Michael, cocky, vibrant, inspirational leaving us all welled up with pride or 2009 Michael peeping out from behind a mask, dodging creditors and crazy rumours, leaving us feeling sorry for him.

Rappers and comedians will have to find a new celebrity for fodder as will we.

Rest in Peace Michael may you be less troubled now than in life.


ps: For anyone interested Smoking Section has a nice DJ Jaycee mix of some the older MJ tunes from the Jackson five era available for free download here.

So much for that

Remember just after 9/11 how the entire world was sympathetic to the US and people who found glee in the fall of the towers, or who blamed the US for their misfortune etc were the wackos and the sickos? We could even justify the invasion of Afghanistan with a well the US didn't start it or at least weren't the ones who escalated the conflict argument.

Then swiftly the world's opinion turned as retaliation and protection turned into naked aggression and an invasion of Iraq. Today Obama is still trying to get folks to change their opinion on the US to something more positive.

Well I'm finding the current Chris Brown/Rhianna episode somewhat similar somewhat. Initially we were all aghast over Chris Brown's behavior and there was no shortage of pity for glamour girl Rhianna. What kind of sick dude beats up a woman like that? Shame on him, shame shame shame. He deserve a good thrashing and some jail time and two cement bricks pelting at his head and a proper cutass.

And I still think he does actually but .....

The sympathy factor for Rhianna is starting to seriously fade because of her actions post beating. Even fellow females aren't really feeling that sympathetic towards her these days as with every news item or rumour you are left wondering just how stupid is this girl?

Yes she still didn't deserve her beating, no one does but why is she putting herself in a situation ie staying with Brown or letting him off the hook where she could be in harms way again? Did the beating cause some sort of head damage? Is she just that naive? There is fools falling in love and then there is stark raving madness and idiocy of the highest degree. From everyone's perspective other than it appears Rhianna her actions fall in the latter category.

And who the hell are her handlers and advisers? You mean there isn't someone to say girl look at how the man smash your face to a pulp? Do you seriously want to stay with him after that? Do you seriously not think he deserves to be punished? Why are you allegedly spending time with him? Stay the hell away from homeboy! Why not let the judge get a restraining order on him? Do you not realize that you are also harming your career by doing what you're doing now. You are making yourself into an object of ridicule and derision.

And yes I agree its always difficult to look at these situations from the outside with limited info and know exactly whats going on but damn the police report, a report based on your evidence, said the man went all WWF on her, headlocks and slamming head into car windows and all. These actions do not qualify as love taps, they qualify as unadulterated abuse.

And while its always in these cases easy to sympathize with a target, its harder to maintain that sympathy when the target does nothing to withdraw from the abusive situation or tries to lay it off. We feel like we're misplacing our emotions, like well why should we waste our time feeling sorry for you when you obviously don't care enough about yourself to try to put things straight. We feel like our initial outrage and anger has been thrown back into our faces by you.

Its a valid reaction.

Wake up girl, ya mekkin bajans and women all over the world shame.

Oh no he didnt!

Woe is me shame an scandal in de family!

Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris wha ya gone an do boy?

Dem say (allegedly) that you beat up we bajan girl rhi rhi and mek she miss de Grammys last night. cuhdear!

Excuse me mister but wha happen to all the lovey dovey dovey dovey kiss kiss kiss you used ta sing about?

Wuhloss ya din have to treat the poor girl so! Wha happen man, you had Ike Turner flashbacks or Rhianna miss an juk ya wid de umba-rella ella ella eh eh eh eh eh?

I still cant believe it Chris. I mean after all the hard work you and Terrence Howard do mekkin light skin brothers relevant again this is how ya end up?

Tell me that you was practicing some a dem krumping hypy dance moves and she juss happen to get in the way an get lik down. Tell me something so man. Doan tell me you willfully try to hurt the poor girl. Wha Chris Breezy like he aint easy at all den.

Looka boy you gine got to turn rapper now cause you cant be nuh more rnb singer, wid 95% women fans an bruise battering women so. That cant mek it star cause women gine/should boycott ya after this! Reputation gone through the eddoes boy! Even R Kelly din beating nuhbody. Ya best to denounce the rnb an turn rapper from now and at least you could try an work a publicity thing pun this and save ya career.

But fa true though man, after the woman tek you to Bim ta meet all she family an spend Christmas feed you up wid all sorta bajan jug jug and baked ham an Christmas great cake an ting so this is how you repay she?

Man dat aint right ya kno! If things din wukkin out, do like Main Source and look at the Front door, leff she off, go your separate ways.

Well well well! An to think de girls say ya suh young (19) and good looking and looka wha you doing! Ya lucky she aint family ta me boy or else ..........

An Miss Rihanna I would advise you to press de charges and den leff he off. I dont know the full story but dont be foolish,if he hit ya, get out of that abusive relationship. Nuh partner aint worth it if them gine raise a hand to hit you. Doan let nuhbody fool you that that is love.

But looka how you gone an get in this baccanal so, when juss the other day I had people telling me well at least Rihanna aint gettin nuh bad publicity like some a dem bad girls in the showbizness. Now look now you gone an end up in bare scandal so. Shame shame shame.

Cuhdear!

They say

My name is Ellie Mae from Mobile, Alabama
and I just want to say since listenin' to Kanye's workout tape
I been able to date outside the family, I got a double wide
And I row the plain, row the plain, row the plain

A.N.S in the video for Kayne West's New Work Out Plan

They say she dead.

That was probably the only thing they say that they were sure of.

They say she dead cause she lose 65 lbs quick quick quick soon after the baby born. They say woman bodies shouldn't be going through all that change so quick after baby born cause is all hormones and heap a woman business still going on as body trying to readjust itself after 9 months a pregnancy. That quick weight loss cant be proper they say especially since she ain't do it natural but use some sort of slim fast trim fast drug business to lose the weight. No star dat nuh right.

But no they say it wasnt the drugs it was Kayne's workout plan that make her lose the weight (see intro quote). But they still say the weight lost not natural and that is what kill her. Poor Kayne he a scapegoat fi everybody.

Then they say no it ain't the weight loss is that she had depression cause soon after the chile did born she first born dead under mysterious circumstances and dat added on to the post partum depression from the chile birth tek she over the edge. She just couldn't deal wid all the issues and dem kill her.

They say she do drugs, she did love off alcohol more than some a dem old fellas you wud see in a corner shop every day that have more rum in dem veins than blood.

Plus they claim say dem find powder in she room and it wasn't no Johnson & Johnson business like the old ladies duz put on dem face to go church wid or the young girls duz dash on dem bosom for when they walking down Broad Street. No sar! It was powder of a different kind. They say they tek it now to the lab for testing and wonder if Horatio from CSI-Miami a deal wid de case cause dem CSI bwoy would get to the bottom of this in under an hour.

Then they say no is somebody kill she. Murderation! They say rumor and speculation insist that she did onto something and somebody find she did on to this something and bram! just like she son went under mysterious circumstances a so she a go. They say is conspiracy like when X files did good. She get too close to the truth. They say if she did smart shewudda did do like granny say "See n Blind, Hear n Deaf". But no she musse talk out the business and de wrong somebody find out that she find out and dem silence her. Blouse n Skirt!

Then they say no it is to do with the case against her where somebody suing her and the diet company. They claim that the diet pillsnuh work like she claim say they work. They say diet pills more fraudulent than Miss Cleo (call me now!) Dem nuh do nuttin just tek foolish people money and mek other people rich. Yes that is what they say.

They say well she come from nothing and look how she end up. They say she was trying to be Marilyn Monroe but she lack de class. They say she cant walk in Marilyn high heels at all cause Marilyn was Marilyn. She was just a poor imitation or some big word I cant pronounce properly. A ca-ca-ca caricature or something so. I cant really be too sure if that is what they say cause I cant understanddem big word too good.

They say it was just all about the money for her. Yes she would do anything for money. Look how she marry off that old old fella that could be she great-grandfather and send 'im long to 'im grave early. Well if ya consider reaching 100 early. Then is over a decade now and still they say that she an the man pickney a fight over money. They say the man have more money than three Oprah Winfrey combine and so as she was the widow she want half. But the children say no the father never want she to have half and she only deserve alikkle piece no big 1/2 a billion dollars like the judge award she. That is what they say.

They say she was a real man eater just watch off the TV show wid her. They say she just run down nuff man on the television show to jump them bones. Doan ask me I never watch the show I just telling ya what they say. They say it was reality TV and if that was how she can go and get on with cameras following her about when you would figure she tone it down a bit imagine how crazy she must act when no camera around. They saynuff slackness a gwan on dat show. Mek me say I must try catch dat in rerun and see for myself what dem a talk bout. Just cause I don't like all the hearsay business I man prefer to see for myself and come to my own conclusion.

They say they no know who the pickney fadda! They say like she didn't know either. What a ting! She claim say is one man but another man claim it is his and now from what they say it look like two other man show up on the scene to claim to be the fadda too. They say she should a gwan on Maury and get a DNA test to figure that out before she dead. They say now chile will go through all set of legal issues and turn rag doll for people to fight custody battle over. Poor chile!

But is how come so many man a run say dem a de chile father they say? This must be the most wanted baby in the world! Cause ya know usually man duz be quick to say no it ain't mine, the chile never favor me, she trying to pin jacket pun me, I never sleep wid her, she lying, is not me is my twin brother from another mudda that wunnah never meet yet that pose off like me and get her pregnant. Yes they say man always have excuse for why dem not the chile fadda so it seem funny that so many man rushing up to claim fatherhood for this baby.

Oh wait they say. Yes the chile will inherit all the mudda money. Is just man look for quick money ting now. Alright den, that explain it.

Yea bwoy they say a whole heap a tings about her. They say she was a actress but she couldn't act. They say she was just one of them people that you wasn't quite sure why she was famous or why ya should care about her but she was always in the news.

They say so much about her that I know more about her now dead than when she was alive.

Well, they say she dead, they say nuff other things too but that was probably the only thing they say that they were sure of. Rumor & Speculation a so it a go!