Pink Caddy

She was driving a big mout car. Car mout suh big that is bout three minutes between when you first see the headlights and when you see the driver. A big, big, long pink cadillac!

I wonder how that car mout get suh big though? Must be like when as a chile and ya mudda tell ya doan push up ya mout or it will stan push up for good. Well this car musse push up it mout as a chile car and it just stick so cause the car mout long, long, long like an alligator wun.

Must be one of the first times I ever see one of them on the road too. I thought dem Cadillacs so was Hollywood cars? I didn't know people drove dem in real life. Color remind me of the suit Nas was wearing in the video for Street Dreams. Bright bright so!

So see she turning the corner as I walked through Kensington Market heading back to Spadina.

She? Well she was some hippy looking, notty dread locks want washing, white girl in a tank top dat could barely see over the dashboard properly. So see she turn the corner and driving down the road slow, slow, slow cause I guess if ya driving a pink cadillac its written in within the warranty and license that ya can only go suh fast or ya not doing justice to the vehicle.

As if driving something suh big and suh pink aint gettin' ya enough attention.

Anyways she moseying down the road, peep over the dashboard and notice that a few pigeons was in the road ahead of she. Bout five of them just deyso peck peck pecking away

Ya know what the foolish girl start doing? She start honking she horn. Pramp , Pramp, Pramp, Pramp, Pramp!

At first I thought there was traffic ahead a she dat I din see and she trying to honk at dem but no she honking at birds. chupse!

And she slow down to less than a crawl now and peeping over the dashboard past the car long mout trying to peep at the pigeons. But the pigeons ain't paying no real attention to the Pramp Pramp and she just disturbing the peace cause they still in the road picking at whatever invisible dust it is on the road that duz fascinate pigeons so and dem only backing off slightly when the big wheels of the long mout car get too close.

She couldn't be pramp pramping at me, the pigeons musse was thinking to themselves. She gotta recognize that we dont answer to nuh pramp, pramp, pramp. Maybe she cud get way wid talking to blackbirds or sparrows or wood doves like dat but ya gots to come correct when ya addressing we ...........

So all she doing is peeping and Pramp Pramping, adding to the usual noise pollution of the market instead a driving through the foolish pigeons.

I get a good view a she as I get closer cause she was only bothering my head wid de long lotta loud noise. pramp pramp pramp on the horn like the horn gine outta style. She getting on like she forget that dem is birds and they can fly away if and when they really they want.

She look like one a dem sorta hippy, duz smoke nuff weed, I love the earth and the animals are my brothers and sisters and I wouldn't so much as eat a chicken leg cause it would pain me to think that the one time I eat pieca de colonel's secret recipe I deprive a one legged chicken somewhere in need of a leg transplant of its one chance at lasting happiness types.

You ever meet dem yet? De wuns dat duz dread dem hair cause they feel that locks make them closer to mother earth somehow. Either that or they frighten fa a comb! All dum duz usually end up wid some big, ugly, hardback rasta man dat no decent respectable woman white , black, brown or green wud give the time of day to. Some musty want bathing fella wid a name like I-vexwidsociety or I-cantevenspellmynameproperly or I this that an de third. And next ting ya see two a dum walking de streets wid three or four hard headed pickneys running bout the place............

But anyways she deyso gine on bout the place wid de pramp pramp thing getting people tired enough a de long mout pink car and the pigeons barely egging she on backing back slow slow giving she their best we will move when we good and ready to move intimidatory looks and laughing at she cause they realize how they making she look like a real jackass.

Eventually someone shouted out "Just drive, they will move when they want to." That like that wake she out of she trance cause she look over at the sidewalk to see who had spoken. Was a fella from one a de stores moving some piece of furniture or shelf on the sidewalk. "Don't worry about them, Dem could fly ya kno!"

And it finally clicked with her so she moved on picking up pace again back to her slow I want you to look at me in this pink caddy pace.

As for the pigeons, to be honest to me dem aint worth wha paddy shot at. I think they survive but I couldn't be bothered to look back and see fa true.