Monday, February 26, 2007

Pregnant or not?

Have you ever been speaking to or in the presence of someone who you were sure was pregnant just because of the way they looked only to later find out that you were mistaken?

No I not trying to diss fat people cause all fat people dont look pregnant and at the same time all pregnant people up to a certain stage dont look fat. No what I'm talking about is when the stomach fat sits a certain way and it just looks like the person is pregnant.

Why I'm asking is because I almost made a major faux pax and almost asked a lady that I thought was pregnant when she's due.

It was a few weeks back. I had to go see this lady in another office to get something done. So to expediate the matter and since everytime I go into that office I does get greeted by all sort of screw face people I decide I going in and try to be extra nice and the like.

When I get there she was seated but her belly was big and round and I thought well I guess she pregnant so maybe I should try and steer the conversation towards kids cause I dont know if you know but that is a good way to bond with people.

Yes I just find that out since having the yout last year. All a sudden people that didnt used to talk ta ya, especially women, once they know that you have a child they duz start telling you all their children stories. Everybody duz have advice and stories about daycare and feeding and changing and potty training and diapers and baby medicine and all sort of thing so. Its like a special club that you dont know exist until you have a child. The stories duz just start to flow once they hear that you now have children. Not that I personally want to hear those stories but ya duz just have to stand there and shake ya head and nod and say oh and act like ya really interested.

So when I see this lady looking pregnant I say well maybe I should steer the converstaion towards kids, mayb ask her when she going on maternity leave or something so in order for her to realize that I'm a friendly fella so she wouldnt be always looking vex whenever i walk in her office.

Well boy all I can say is a good thing I never do that cause a week later I see her walking around and she didnt look pregnant to me at all. Imagine now if I had asked her when she due or when she going on maternity leave. Cuhdear she might have cuss me or throw something at me.

So yea let me know if you ever been a situation like that where you thought somebody was pregnant open ya mout too fast and realize ya mek a mistake.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

This and that

- Saw the funniest exchange this morning between two old ladies on University Ave in front of the hospitals. One lady was about 5'8" and the other was about 4'11". So as I passed by the taller lady said "You're wearing my coat and I'm wearing yours" as she pulled at the shorter lady's coat. I was fully expecting her to try to exchange coats right there on the sidewalk. Actually I'm not sure if they did, it was too cold and windy and I wasn't waiting around to watch.

- Breaking news!! No nothing to do with that eediat that chop off she hair. No. My man Obadele Thompson is marrying Marion Jones! and not only that but Jones is expecting! Wow! Good thing I never really post off my thoughts on Jones (or maybe I did but I cant find them anymore) cause I cant disrespect a fellow HC bredren. Actually if it was anyone else but Oba I think I'd probably have made this one into a fairly sarcastic post but dude gets enough flack from the bajan public and politicians already and as far as I remember from back in the day he's a good guy so respect due and I wish him and Marion nothing but the best of luck.

- Cranky I did a check and I did post on the Black History Month thing last year. Not much has changed on my feelings there and occurrences like the one at Wilfrid Laurier that Straight from Scarborough spoke on recently (which seems to have not gotten much coverage at all) still show why some Canadians need an education on other cultures. Yes sir its just like Kanye said 'Racism's still alive they just be concealing it'.

- This had me laughing yesterday. Found it on Radmila's blog. All I can say is Lysol that's ruff.

- Saw a street kid on Queen St W yesterday begging for change with this sign "Need money for Penis Enlargement. I keep coming up short". Was tempted as I walked by to say either "Bredren I think I can spare ya a lil something" or "Star so is you that tief my sign". lol

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

By your command

Riding the bus/train just aint the same anymore with TTC. Everything going automated and computerized and machinized these days.

they adding new security cameras on the buses. A sign of the times I
guess. What with one driver getting shot last year and others being
attacked on late night routes by hoodlums I guess its a necessity.
Still is like a man cant even sneeze without being caught up on film.
Is like I have my own personal paparazzi everytime I'm on the bus. Enough to make a man feel like a Top Celebrity. :-)

they have a pilot project using GPS
to announce every bus stop on the routes these days. Got a sort of
robotic female sounding voice doing the announcements accompanied by an
LCD display and flashing lights. Its not a bad idea because at least if
you are unfamiliar with where you are and somebody tell you to get off
the bus at a certain spot you wont be totally reliant on the driver who
may or may not have a clue as to where it is you say you want to
disembark. That is assuming the computer and GPS know what they doing.
Sometimes I am not too sure bout these computer things.

also have the same robotic voice in the subway which is good cause
occasionally in the morning the conductors used to royally screw up the
station name. See we just reach Broadview and the man announcing St George or Yonge
St already. Making half sleeping transit riders wake up and dash out
the door only to realize they still 5 stations short of the mark.

So yea all this automation stuff might actually have a purpose.

what had me yesterday on the way home was that the train I was in had
another type of robotic voice. I don't know if it was that the
usual robot voice call in sick or she had a bad sore throat or they
were trying out a new voice but it didn't sound like the usual voice
at all. Instead I could have sworn that the voice they using was from
one of those Cylons from the old Battlestar Galactica.

Ya remember the old Battlestar Galactica;
Lorne Greene, Richard Hatch not the Survivor fella the other one, Dirk
Benedict when Starbuck was a man
not a woman? Well yes the automated voice they were using on the subway
sounded just like that. It was scary let me tell ya cause I was
expecting to see the subway doors open and a couple a Cylons bust through the door and start letting off phasers
or blasters or whatever it was that they used.

Oh well who knows what was really happening. I mean Cylons got to work and support they families too so I cant fault a fellow.

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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

happy valentines

Happy valentines to all my readers. If ya dont celebrate the day ignore the greeting. If ya single dont let nobody mek ya feel bad about being single on this day. Do ya thing. nuff said.

And on another note. This is my 2 & 1/2 year blogversary. Its been a long time.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

They say

My name is Ellie Mae from Mobile, Alabama
and I just want to say since listenin' to Kanye's workout tape
I been able to date outside the family, I got a double wide
And I row the plain, row the plain, row the plain

A.N.S in the video for Kayne West's New Work Out Plan

They say she dead.

That was probably the only thing they say that they were sure of.

They say she dead cause she lose 65 lbs quick quick quick soon after the baby born. They say woman bodies shouldn't be going through all that change so quick after baby born cause is all hormones and heap a woman business still going on as body trying to readjust itself after 9 months a pregnancy. That quick weight loss cant be proper they say especially since she ain't do it natural but use some sort of slim fast trim fast drug business to lose the weight. No star dat nuh right.

But no they say it wasnt the drugs it was Kayne's workout plan that make her lose the weight (see intro quote). But they still say the weight lost not natural and that is what kill her. Poor Kayne he a scapegoat fi everybody.

Then they say no it ain't the weight loss is that she had depression cause soon after the chile did born she first born dead under mysterious circumstances and dat added on to the post partum depression from the chile birth tek she over the edge. She just couldn't deal wid all the issues and dem kill her.

They say she do drugs, she did love off alcohol more than some a dem old fellas you wud see in a corner shop every day that have more rum in dem veins than blood.

Plus they claim say dem find powder in she room and it wasn't no Johnson & Johnson business like the old ladies duz put on dem face to go church wid or the young girls duz dash on dem bosom for when they walking down Broad Street. No sar! It was powder of a different kind. They say they tek it now to the lab for testing and wonder if Horatio from CSI-Miami a deal wid de case cause dem CSI bwoy would get to the bottom of this in under an hour.

Then they say no is somebody kill she. Murderation! They say rumor and speculation insist that she did onto something and somebody find she did on to this something and bram! just like she son went under mysterious circumstances a so she a go. They say is conspiracy like when X files did good. She get too close to the truth. They say if she did smart shewudda did do like granny say "See n Blind, Hear n Deaf". But no she musse talk out the business and de wrong somebody find out that she find out and dem silence her. Blouse n Skirt!

Then they say no it is to do with the case against her where somebody suing her and the diet company. They claim that the diet pillsnuh work like she claim say they work. They say diet pills more fraudulent than Miss Cleo (call me now!) Dem nuh do nuttin just tek foolish people money and mek other people rich. Yes that is what they say.

They say well she come from nothing and look how she end up. They say she was trying to be Marilyn Monroe but she lack de class. They say she cant walk in Marilyn high heels at all cause Marilyn was Marilyn. She was just a poor imitation or some big word I cant pronounce properly. A ca-ca-ca caricature or something so. I cant really be too sure if that is what they say cause I cant understanddem big word too good.

They say it was just all about the money for her. Yes she would do anything for money. Look how she marry off that old old fella that could be she great-grandfather and send 'im long to 'im grave early. Well if ya consider reaching 100 early. Then is over a decade now and still they say that she an the man pickney a fight over money. They say the man have more money than three Oprah Winfrey combine and so as she was the widow she want half. But the children say no the father never want she to have half and she only deserve alikkle piece no big 1/2 a billion dollars like the judge award she. That is what they say.

They say she was a real man eater just watch off the TV show wid her. They say she just run down nuff man on the television show to jump them bones. Doan ask me I never watch the show I just telling ya what they say. They say it was reality TV and if that was how she can go and get on with cameras following her about when you would figure she tone it down a bit imagine how crazy she must act when no camera around. They saynuff slackness a gwan on dat show. Mek me say I must try catch dat in rerun and see for myself what dem a talk bout. Just cause I don't like all the hearsay business I man prefer to see for myself and come to my own conclusion.

They say they no know who the pickney fadda! They say like she didn't know either. What a ting! She claim say is one man but another man claim it is his and now from what they say it look like two other man show up on the scene to claim to be the fadda too. They say she should a gwan on Maury and get a DNA test to figure that out before she dead. They say now chile will go through all set of legal issues and turn rag doll for people to fight custody battle over. Poor chile!

But is how come so many man a run say dem a de chile father they say? This must be the most wanted baby in the world! Cause ya know usually man duz be quick to say no it ain't mine, the chile never favor me, she trying to pin jacket pun me, I never sleep wid her, she lying, is not me is my twin brother from another mudda that wunnah never meet yet that pose off like me and get her pregnant. Yes they say man always have excuse for why dem not the chile fadda so it seem funny that so many man rushing up to claim fatherhood for this baby.

Oh wait they say. Yes the chile will inherit all the mudda money. Is just man look for quick money ting now. Alright den, that explain it.

Yea bwoy they say a whole heap a tings about her. They say she was a actress but she couldn't act. They say she was just one of them people that you wasn't quite sure why she was famous or why ya should care about her but she was always in the news.

They say so much about her that I know more about her now dead than when she was alive.

Well, they say she dead, they say nuff other things too but that was probably the only thing they say that they were sure of. Rumor & Speculation a so it a go!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Loves gonna get cha

Ya know that's why man I be telling you all the time man, you know LOVE,
that word love is a very serious thing, and if you don't watch out I tell ya
that (Love's gonna get you) because a lot of people out here say "i love my
car" or "i love my chain" or or "i'm i'm just in love with that girl over

Love's gonna get cha- BDP

So the big story today was about this astronaut lady who tried to kidnap and assault a romantic rival. The story is too funny. Well actually its a bit sad but funny still.

Imagine this astronaut lady seem to be involved with another astronaut fella that she duz train with and she find out that he maybe got another woman. Nothing certain certain but maybe, possibly. Or maybe he ain't got the woman but this other woman interested in he maybe, possibly. So what this astronaut woman do? She drive miles and miles, hours and hours to confront the woman and when she get there, she disguise herself, follow around the lady, scare the living daylights out of her, had she lock way in she car afraid of her and even spray something on her too. Imagine that?

Boy this love thing duz drive people insane it seems. I mean it was so bad with the astronaut lady that when she was driving the 900 miles to confront the other woman she put on diapers so she could drive straight and wouldn't have to stop to go to the bathroom. That show ya how serious she was about finding the other woman. Now that is some real love smitten business. De only word I can find to adequately describe she is the one the Trinis duz use ...bazodee. She did well bazodee cause no sane adult that don't have some sort of acute bladder problem ain't going to be putting on no diapers to drive bout the place in. It don't matter how much Huggies, Luvs and Pampers advertise bout how comfortable they duz be none a we around here did gine put them on instead a we regular underwear to drive 900 miles. So I feel she head got to be bad. Mad sick head no good.

But that ain't the half of it. When you first read the story you would feel well maybe this astronaut lady is some lil young ting free and single running after man and ya might say to ya self well poor ting she ain't know no better and she deserve some sympathy. Uh uh! Nope! First of all she is 43 and as we would say in Barbados and this ain't an insult to nobody that is 43 but 'a dog she age ain't no pup' meaning she ain't no young yam she is a grown hard back woman.

Then ya read further and to mek it even worse she married with three children. Imagine that? She running after another man, driving miles and miles in diapers to kidnap a rival and she married off and got nuff pickney too. Well well well! I wonder who was looking after she children when she did looking to kidnap the other lady?

Boy I would really like to see what her husband had to say to her after she get arrest or how he feel cause see me if dat did my wife doing that foolishness she couldn't get two cents fa bail money from me. I would leff she dey, let the other ass-tronaut come and bail she out.

Ya know what I love about this story though? It sound real ghetto but it actually isn't!

Certain people duz feel that only people name things like Laquadisha and Sharadeefa and them sort of foolish names so duz behave this sort of way. They duz feel that only lil ghetto people, or people with no education or poor people or people of a certain race or who ain't from a certain class duz behave like this and fight over man.

Well ya know what I glad that this astronaut girl come bout and behave so and show that is not just them lil young girls taking out their earrings, putting Vaseline on their faces and pulling out one another weaves that duz behave so. No star, some so called educated people with big degrees from big time Universities and professional people with specialized jobs and all that could still behave like idiots over this man woman business.

Its like the teacha said 'Love's gonna get cha'.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Cell phone debate

"Hol on let me answer mi cellular"
Cellular Phone - Bounty Killa

Recently I've been hearing and reading a bit about proposed bannings of cellphones in schools in various countries. There is some talk of it in Barbados at the moment after a recent incident where a student was killed for his phone and now there is some talk of it here in Toronto.

Frankly I'm surprised that this issue has taken so long to be put on the table as it was one of the first things I thought about when I realized the prevalence of cellphones especially amongst high school students. I can just imagine how annoying it must be currently to be a teacher and continually be reminding students to turn off or turn down their phones in class etc. Talk about issues with attention span back in the days it was only paper planes and spit balls and the like that teachers had to deal with. Now on top of those they have to compete with text messages and the random, whistles, bells, song snippets and whatever passes for ring tones these days. So many distractions to the students. I think as a teacher that might drive me postal.

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingYes the new portable technology that we have at our finger tips is amazing. Cell phones, Ipods and other mp3 players, portable DVD players, Ps2s, laptops etc are great ........ when put to legitimate use. Still when one is in school is there the need for all of this stuff?

I remember back in my high school days, a long time ago in a galaxy far far away, at the advent of portable video games our school staff took what appeared to myself as a young student to be a draconian stance regarding those items. They were completely banned from the school premises. It didn't matter if you weren't playing with them or not if they were found in your possession you were in trouble. (I could tell you a story about me, that and detention but I have a certain image to uphold.)

OK so you cant really compare video games with cell phones which sometimes have a legitimate use but at the same time whats the big issue with banning cellphones from the classrooms and hallways of our schools?

Well the above linked article gives some opinions of staff, students and parents towards the proposed ban and if there is one thing that the article suggests to me its that human beings in general are getting more stupid by the minute. It makes one wonder if those fanciful back stories to sci-fi tales where the machines rise up and take over aren't as far fetched as they seem cause frankly technology is making us bleeping imbeciles!

I mean I understand keeping in touch with where the child is going to be after school but do you have to keep in touch during school hours too? Hear one parent talking about how she uses the cell phone to remind her children of appointments. So wait before cell phones children didn't have appointments too? You cant remind the children before they leave home? Chupse! The children don't got a memory that they cant remember something so for a couple of hours and you have to call them in class to remind them? In class the child should be focused on the teacher or doodling in a notebook or troubling some other child not dealing with parents on cell phones reminding them of things to do.

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingThen hear one child talking about she don't mind them banning them in the classrooms but they shouldn't ban phones in the hallway cause she uses them to find her friends at break. Again big chupse! So before cell phones how people used to find their friends? Ya didn't used to ask them where they were going to be at break or holler out their name to find them or use the eyesight or speech that God give you to ask somebody where them is? Cheese on bread!

I tell ya, we becoming too dependent on this technology business. It stunting we brain! It stifling we common sense!

And what got me is that when you think about it the parents of these kids should know better. I forgive the kids cause they grow up with the technology and they ain't know any better but the parents? They ain't grow up with no cellphones. Yes is a different society we live in with more dangers etc but still ain't no need for cellphones during class hours. Tell the child what he/she needs to do in the morning before they go off to school. Don't wait till they trying to get lil Arithmetic in dey head in Ms Jones class to confuse them about home business. Plan out what needs to be done and if ya forget deal with it the next day.

That took my thinking to another thought. Why do we need to be continually connected? Even in the adult world is it absolutely necessary for persons to know where you are at every moment of the day? Do we need to converse with persons who aren't around that much? You cant be in the car or walking for 10 minutes without checking in or dialing up or whatever?

Just a thought.

But back to the schools and the cellphones. I didn't even mention the dangers of kids taking naughty photos and videos with cellphones or using the Internet or text messaging to cheat. No man too much issues with this phone thing at school. Take it away from the classrooms. Its just an added distraction to the already short attention span of kids these days. Take it out! Dash way the cell phones at school during school hours. Ban dem!

Friday, February 02, 2007

Booty tax

I'll be back but for now jusss ............
Boy it been so long I aint blog that I like I dont even remember how to blog no more. Its been so long that I was waiting for Nas to hit me up for a "Where are they now" bloggers guest spot.

Anyway I going come back slowly just checking to see if anybody still checking for me. So to start let me just talk about this. I read this thing about how some group trying to fight the "booty tax" they say that the government impose on people.

What is a booty tax you ask? No is not a tax on women wid big bottoms is a tax on booty calls. They claim if you in Toronto or wherever and de squeeze or some random partner call you up late night and tell you come over for a booty call and you go cross there and park on the street and then get a parking ticket the next morning that that parking ticket is a booty tax cause is a tax on you mekkin a booty call, getting your groove on, mekkin movementations whatever you may call it.

Well boy they say that they in favor of a lil $10 ticket that you can buy online and put on you car if you going out them times of night to make said booty call instead of ending up with a big 50 or more dollar parking ticket.

No romance widout finance. dat is all I saying for now.