Tuesday, January 29, 2008


Sigh where to start?

Ok well I had wanted to do a post on the whole Golf-gate controversy surrounding Kelly Tilghman's comments in reference to Tiger Woods and Golfweek's follow up. In essence although I think Tilghman was an idiot for using the word lynching I didn't get too riled up because I just figured she was clueless or made a mistake. It wasn't deliberate or at least I don't believe it was premeditated. It was dumb, it was improper but it wasn't deliberate. Golfweek's subsequent action in putting a noose on their cover was however just blatantly wrong and inexcusable though. Mind you I believe that the firing of the editor who approved the image has less to do with the impropriety of the image and more to do with the market's reaction. When subscribers and advertisers speak heads roll, remember Imus? So don't think that Golfweek was just doing the right thing from a moral standpoint. Like the Lox this was all about the Benjamins baby.

And through all this mini-hoopla Tiger sweeps it under the rug. Non-issue for him he says. Of course it is cause well after all he's not black, he's cablasian. Whatever dude!

Canada and Toronto are alot like Tiger Woods. They just sweep the racist ish under the rug. Maybe if we pretend it didn't happen then it'll go away seems to be the thinking.

I was a little disturbed by the report of anti-black graffiti at one of our places of higher learning last week. When places we consider our centres of liberal thinking can be subjected to this type of stuff then one really wonders about our society.

What is to be noted here here was the faculty's slow response to the concerns of the students. Yet another example of sweep it under the rug. Canada and Canadians just tend to take a very cavalier, whatever man attitude towards racially charged incidents. (Oh and also tell me why City tv had to flash the graffiti on its news cast even though it contained a racial slur?)

There have been other incidents here; the racial threats to the prison guards at the Don Jail, the whole Nippertipping thing happening with Asian fishermen north of Toronto. Yet Canadians seem to either ignore these incidents or deny that there is any racial aspect to them. Its an ostrich, head in the sand mentality. Denial is more than a river in Egypt.

Ever thought about Canada and its melting pot of inclusiveness to immigrants and minorities though? Where are the minority leaders in this country challenging for a place at the tables of power? The US has Obama and before that Jesse and that was the 80s. How come we don't have any minorities running for leader of one of the federal parties? Actually come to think of it how many federal MP are visible minorities? How many Provincial MPs are visible minorities? Mayors? City Councilors even?

I'll leave you to draw your conclusions but don't for one second think that his place is any better than the US in terms of minorities breaking the glass ceilings to success.

Oh and now the word Canadian is slang for black in the US apparently. If only they knew the reality of Canada.

Monday, January 21, 2008

I can see clearly now

Dear Neighbor on the corner,

Look is not that I don't appreciate your willingness to share your bounty of wealth with us your fellow neighbors. No is nothing so at all. I am all for your community minded spirit of giving. More power to ya and I wish that more neighbors shared your spirit!

And is not that I jealous of your bounty of riches or anything so. No far from that, I am quite delighted in your windfall and aspire to be just like you one of these days.

But my friend, let me give you some advice. Invest in some curtains nuh man, some beaded blinds, some bamboo shutters, drapes even hang up a lil sheet or something so cause fa me personally I really don't need to see what you watching on your tv.

I mean cheese on bread yes ya got a 72 inch LCD HD with DVD or whatever size big behemoth tv that even Stevie Wonder could see in his sleep but that don't mean that ya got to share the tv wid everybody in the neighborhood so.

I mean every evening I coming home and from 'bout two blocks up the road I can see what it is you watching. Today it was Dora de Explorer and even though I marveled at the HD like pretty pretty colors of Dora and her cousin Diego that were jumping out at me from the tv screen coming through your window, I, a man in the street, and not only a man in the street but a man in the street two blocks down the road aint have no right seeing your tv clearer than the Cinema screens at Scarborough Town Center.

This is serious ya know. I mean yes the neighborhood fairly safe and all that but my man that don't mean you need to advertise that you got a television screen so big that people can turn the school parking lot three blocks away into a drive in. Ya just asking fa trouble with that.

Yes the living room is all glass and ya gots nice furnitures and knickknacks and whatchamaycallits and ya got a nice view that ya can recline an watch the tv and look outside and see the lawn and the birds and the squirrels and all sorta nature in the comfort of ya own home but would it kill ya put up some curtains?

I just telling you this for your benefit ya kno.

Still who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth. Next time I pass by I bringing long my lawn chair an pull up wid a drink an sit down and start watching the tv. And doan feel that you gine change the channel to get me to move ya kno or doan play ya getting vex cause I outside peeping in ya house cause clearly you trying to run some sort of cinema and I feel that I wouldnt be doing my neighborly duty if I didnt sit down and give you some company outside. A mean ya might feel that we ignoring ya or not supporting ya or someting so i I dont do that.

And while ya at it looka try an watch something more entertaining man. Some football or basketball or something wid some shooting or some car chases or some sorta action would be better. Dora is nice but big man aint gine sit down outside an watch that forever.

Yours sincerly

ps: Wait ya kno I feel my universal remote will work wid dat big tv so doan feel the tv possessed with evil spirits if all a sudden the channel change to Sarah Connors and you see two big red ugly Terminator eyes staring at ya or um change sudden, sudden so to Top Model cause I want to see Tyra in HD LCD, blue ray DVD life size vision.

Oh and tell that big head chile of yours to stop walking up an down in front the tv every two minutes before I come inside an pop two slaps cross he head. He aint kno big people outside trying to watch tv. Like he trying to offset my concentration. chupse!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Brand New Day (maybe)

Yesterday was election day in Barbados and the incumbent BLP government got turfed, (ps somebody try and edit that BLP wikipedia entry) the boot, throw way, kicked out of power. So long, siyonara, arevaderchi, au revoir, it was nice while it lasted.

In Barbados, we usually don't have close elections and this one followed form with the former opposition DLP giving the incumbents a 20-10 lashing! A so it a go sometimes I guess. Good for the Dems (DLP) considering about 8 years ago they only had 2 seats in the Parliament, tonnes of infighting and word was they might be on their way to becoming irrelevant to the masses.

PhotobucketAnyway after 12 years of BLP rule its a brand new day (hopefully), brand new bag, brand new funk, brand new DLP government, brand new poli-trick-sions.

Congrats to new PM David Thompson (somebody do a wikepedia entry fa the man nuh) and his party and umm I meant that term poli-trick-sions in the nicest possible way sir.

But me still cant believe we elected a PM who went to Caw'mere. Soon all a we will be singing under an um-ba-rella ella ella eh eh eh. Lawd ave mercy!

Ya know what I like about Bajan elections though? Nuh big lot of drawn out preamble like in the US. Election call just before Christmas, a few weeks later election done. Compare that to the US with all sort of primaries, secondaries and tertiaries , two years of campaigning and nuff long drawn out speech-ifying where after the first debate the candidate really doesn't say anything new at all. No wonder the electorate duz get tired and fall sleep and become despondent and don't carish and eventually don't vote. Plus all this long lotta campaigning mek it so is only millionaire can compete for the Presidency and the House and Senate cause you need nuff, nuff, nuff money to carry staff and have election supplies for that long a campaign. Ya cant run no lil corn beef n biscuits campaign or as my friends in Jamaica would say Curry Goat campaign for that long at least not given the high price of eclipse biscuits or goat these days. I lie?

Contrast the US with their millionaire candidates with Barbados where we have certain politicians (both who I think won) who don't even own a car let alone have millionaire status. That is democracy star! Respect that!

Anyway regarding the Barbados elections now its all over all the experts and pundits and know-it-alls will come out the woodwork and pontificate on the results saying they predicted this outcome and trying to make it seem like they really have a clue. Hindsight really is 20-20 isn't it?

Last night listening to CBC Barbados from the time results start coming in I hear all sort of man chat about how they predict the undeclared people from the surveys done prior to the polls
would vote Dems (DLP) and how they knew winds of change were blowing since most of the region who have held elections in the past year, TnT being the exception, have voted out the incumbents and yada yada yada. Yea fa true? Well all ya wasn't saying that prior to the election so hush up!

Anyways well that is just the start as the talking heads will continue ad nauseum for days and months to dissect this election result looking for trends and nuance and extrapolations and answers to the whys and what not of the outcome. Cant hate on the analysis. But being a budding pundit myself I feel that all the so-called experts overlooking the real reason former PM Owen Arthur lose. Its so simple and yet they can't see it.

I wont waste time with more preamble but get to the point. Look for all the talk about insular Bajans who don't like people from the rest of the region and feel they better than them Bajans like their leaders to have non-Bajan wives. That is the truth people!

To prove my point consider the history of the former Bajan Prime Ministers why don't we. (this theory is limited to post-1966 independence analysis by the way).

The father of Independence; the Skipper Errol Barrow was married to an American. Following him Tom's wife wasn't Bajan either (at least as far as I know), Sandiford's wife is from yard, Owen's former wife was from yard, new PM David Thompson's wife is from St Lucia. You see the trend? Coincidence ?? I say not!

And some of you that know Barbados will say but Jdid what about Bree St John who was prime minister for a year from '85 to '86 after Tom Adams died? His wife was Bajan wasn't she? That don't fit your hypothesis.

Very perceptive I'd say in response. The answer to that is yes she was/is Bajan and if you don't examine carefully that would seem to spoil my hypothesis but in fact if you do really know the history this case really proves my theory about Bajans not wanting Bajan first ladies.

Examining Bree's tenure lets make it clear that Bree never won an election, never ever got a clear mandate from the people, only Bajan PM you can say that about, and in fact presided over the worse defeat by a ruling party in Barbados history when his Bees (BLP) were routed 24-3 by the Skipper's Dems back in 1986. Coincidence that he had a Bajan wife and loss so bad at the polls? I think not! See my point? Alright then.

And is it coincidence that Owen Arthur won three elections when he was married to a Jamaican but now that he divorced recently and married a Najan lady he lost so badly? Hmmm. Wunnah can decide for wunnah selves but I think the facts are clear. Owen loss this election from the time he divorce the Jamaican lady and marry a Bajan. I feel he should have gone Guyanese but that is juss me.

See for all the talk about insular Bajans we doing our part for regional integration. No Bajan first ladies allowed. The record speaks for it self and the proof is in the pudding people.

So see de I, I think if I want to get into the poli-tricks business I must look for a new non-Bajan wife so I can compete on an even footing. :-)

ps: I hope no one takes this post serious cause I know sum a wunnah would start cussing me now but like I always say refer to the title of the blog.

Monday, January 14, 2008

This n That

(1) Its bad enough they're sending Marion to jail but now they trying to mess with my girl Mary.

A new report claims that certain entertainment stars are linked to the steroid scandal. They named 50 Cents, Mary J Blige, Wycleff Jean, Timbaland and Tyler Perry.

Anything to get Roger Clements out of the spotlight I guess. Chupse!

Look who really cares if these stars used steroids? Do steroids or HGH help you to sing better? Is it like those Ghost Weed skits from De La Soul's Art Official Intelligence album where the Ghost weed helped you to drop rhymes like certain rappers? Was Tyler Perry on an HGH binge when he came up with his Madea character?

Look these Hollywood types have been going under the knife, botoxing, enhancing, siliconing, bleaching, tanning and the like for donkey years in order to enhance appearance. If they are using HGH and steroids now its not the same as an athlete who is using this stuff to compete against another athlete and break sporting records. So big deal!

I can just see congressional hearings into Entertainers and steroids?
Congressman: Mr Perry, And is it true that Madea's tirades are fueled by your rampant steroid abuse?
Perry: What? You do know Madea is a fictional character right?
Congressman: Just answer the question Mr Perry, stop trying to throw us off track here.

(2) BET founder Bob Johnson criticizes Obama? What? Seriously? You mean Bob 'I sold out the black community with my shucking and jiving channel' Johnson can criticize anyone? Ok maybe Obama did some drugs or did some questionable stuff in his teen years but ummm isn't that like 99% of the folk you promote on your channel? You've made money off promoting and giving voice to dudes who have claimed to slang rock, peddled yayo, carried weight, moved fishscale and God knows what else (While giving some credible real artists the shaft I might add) and you're going to get on a high horse here?

Look I'm not saying you need to support Obama cause he's black or anything I'm just questioning what gives you the moral high ground to attack Obama given your record of exploiting and demeaning black culture.

(3) Random and completely innocent dude accidentally gets shot and killed on Yonge street Friday night by some cats who were trying to shoot a strip club bouncer. The victim just happened to be walking up the street to the subway to go home to his family when the incident occurred.

Tell me where's the outrage? Where's the we're being slack on crime and innocents are suffering outcry that followed Jane Crebe's death two years ago? I mean there are similarities right? Random innocent bystander gets shot downtown, in the heart of the city, on Yonge street right? Where's the outrage man? A child is left without a father and a wife without a husband. I'm just saying.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Detergent Math

Any of you guys know about Detergent Math?

I'm serious so don't look at me like I loss my head. This is serious analytical mathematical business we dealing with. So either you familiar with the concept or you're not but don't start laughing at me til you hear me out.

Let me explain. Allya familiar with laundry detergent? Either the powdery kind or the liquid kind that does come in a container with a cup or the cap having markings to explain how to derive a cup or two cups full of the said detergent? Allya familiar with that? Allya really really familiar with that? Ya ever take a look at the markings on the cup or the cap that shows you what the detergent measurements are?

Well that is the foundation of detergent mathematics right there. Cause ya see if you take a close look at those cup markings you will realize that they don't make any sort of rational sense at all. Compare them and you will notice some serious discrepancies if you try to use regular mathematical logic. Is like the detergent makers just arbitrarily put some lines on the cup.

Follow me now: If the mark showing one cup full is 10 cm from the bottom of the cup how the mark for 2 cups going to be only 3 cms above that first mark unless the cup is a conical shape? Otherwise the first cup full is about three times bigger than the second cup full. That don't make no sense! In no sorta world duz 13 times x equal 2 times 10 times x! ....... except de world of detergent math

And all the detergent cups I've checked have similar types of concepts. In detergent math 2 cups of detergent is 1.25 x 1 cup of detergent or 1.3 x 1 cup of detergent. Check the cups in the detergent box good and tell me if I lie?

Is like dem fellas must have some sort of advanced carry the one, integrate x to the derivative of the cosign arc tangent viscosity variable raised to the power of one over pi x times the free flow cubed, ice cubed, rubix cubed formula to work out them markings man.

Is Detergent math. Take a look at the detergent fa true. Wha allya know bout dat?

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Ethnic Hair

Got soul like that Afro pick with the black fist!
My mellow, my man - The Roots

So yesterday I went into Shoppers Drug Mart to do some shopping; grab some cold meds, some cheap nobody loved me enough to purchase me so now I'm on discount chocolate etc etc.

I didn't really have no list with me but since I go there so infrequently by the time I hit the door
I had like ten things I needed to stock up on. One was some hair grease and by grease I mean well lets just say that I using that term loosely cause my family duz refer to almost any product ya duz put in ya head as grease even if it aint suh greasy. We doan moisturize, condition, nor gel we duz grease! Ya understand?

'Looka try an grease ya scalp boy!'

Anyway so I walk into Shoppers, see the sign for the hair products and walk downed the aisle, which I should probably refer to from now on as the "regular hair products" aisle, but didn't see anything at all that looked familiar to me. Seeing all sorts of mousse, conditioner, holding gel and shampoos, VO5s, Garniers, Pantenes, Herbal Essences and other generic products that may be grease-like but don't really correspond to my needs in term of hair grease.

PhotobucketWhere the TCB at son? Where my Jeri juice, the curl activator? What no Lusters Pink? no Sta-sof-fro. Doan even think bout open ing wunnah mout to tell me wunnah aint got nuh Sporting Waves or I gone den!

Wait wha kinda stupid store wunnah could be doah? Chupse! Wunnah mekkin sport den! Wunnah gine mek me have to go an check someplace like Novellette shop down on Eglington West (anybody see that Kink in My hair sitcom yet? Trust me is nice.)

So I was thinking to myself maybe these guys dont carry any black hair products although this is Scarborough and I know some of the other Shoppers Drugs I've been in do carry them.

It was then as I walked down another aisle searching for the cough medicine that I butt up on the sign saying "Ethnic hair products" and the corresponding products which in my opinion turn out to be mostly black hair products with a few items made in Greece and Australia thrown in. (Grease made in Greece aint that ironic somehow?)

PhotobucketNow before I say anything else let me mek it clear I not making any big issue out of this I just find it funny so I commenting. I got some questions for these ethnic hair people.

Why were those hair products separate from the other hair products? Ok I can see putting all of the black hair products together or all the hair product produced a foreign together but did they really need a separate aisle? Couldn't they keep them together but within the same aisle as the "regular hair products"? It wasn't a space issue cause the store could have rearranged things to do that.

I mean it was a little confusing. Confusing as hell actually cause if I walk in and just see the sign for Hair Products where logically all hair products should be and not see what I looking for in that aisle then odds are I would take my business elsewhere cause I normally wouldn't be looking for a sign saying ethnic hair products.

PhotobucketI mean logically one would think you would keep all hair products together and not scatter them around. Wha happen dem frighten de ethnic hair products taint de regular hair products so dem segregating the hair products. Cuhdear!

(And for the person who will say but in the supermarket they separate out the foods and have aisles with imported foods etc is not the same thing.)

Secondly what really is with the ethnic hair products designation? What exactly is an ethnic hair product? Y'all got some Russian hair grease in deyso? New Delhi mousse? Scottish gel? Or is that short form code for products imported from outside North America or products for people whose hair is not naturally straight or products that regular people who duz shop in the "regular hair product" aisle don't use?

I feel to solve all this wunnah need to put all the hair products together and just put up one big sign saying hair grease.

Anyways that is all I got to say I gine an mek myself useful an grease my head.