Perception and Deception?

(Third times a charm)

Its interesting what you see on the bus sometimes.

It was near midday and the bus was half empty.

About halfway to my destination, the two ladies who had rushed on at the last minute with strollers and who sat near the middle of the bus, rang the bell.

As the bus was lowered and they started to go down the bus aisle to exit at the front, I absentmindedly noticed that in the seat next to where one of the ladies had been sitting was a light scarf.

I got ready to shout something from my perch at the back of the bus when all of a sudden another lady who was sitting across from the vacated seat swiftly got up and sat next to the scarf.

Singsperation

We all know that things on tv is nothing like real life but sometimes the differences are too funny.

Take for instance today, mi on the subway coming work and a nice looking young girl sit in one of the seats opposite with her ipod on. Suddenly she starts humming melodically but loudly to the song she's listening to. And then she breaks into song...............

Subway mugging

Ok I dont usually write this late at night or with music (Guru (RIP) tribute mix from Dj MK in the background) but I've wanted to speak on this issue for about the last 5 days.

Last weekend a 79 year old man was robbed on the Subway here in Toronto. It wasnt like he was in an empty subway car when it happened though as he cried for help from some 20 or so fellow passengers who did nothing to assist this senior citizen. True the assailants timed their crime with precision so that they were able to run away just as the train pulled into the station but still the fact that no one as much as helped is kind of disturbing on many level.

Its a sad story and one that has prompted much conversation and well warranted criticism of Torontonians.

Still from my perspective I'm like who are all these people who are complaining about the actions of Torontonians and have they ever sat on a TTC subway car? I mean seriously why is the fact that no one tried to help this victim surprising? I take the TTC every day to work and I'm not surprised at all. Disturbed by it yes but definetly not surprised.

Ok, I'll give you that its the wrong type of behavior and in a society such as ours we should demand better and it is shameful but still that it actually happened is not surprising to me. This is Toronto, these are your typical TTC riders.

Look the fact is most people on the TTC dont really want to be there. This is indisputable. Yes you have your greenie, environmental types who think that taking the subway is saving the earth from the excess greenhouse gases of the gas guzzling personal vehicles but they are a minority.

The majority of persons are on the subway because its their most affordable way to travel. They either have no other option for getting to work meaning no car or cant afford to pay the exorbitant costs of downtown parking. They are (and I include myself here) praying for the trip to be over as quickly as possible and trying as much as possible to create a fantasy world around themselves to drown out the low whine of the overly loud teenagers mp3 player or the stench of the folks who threw on perfume but forgot to shower that morning, or to pretend that the lack of personal space as they are squeezed in next to strangers isnt really happening .

They are aware but still not really aware of whats going on around them to the extent that they're going to jump up in a flash and play hero for a stranger cause their whole mindstate is one of avoidance. Avoid staring at the strangers, avoid listening to random conversations, avoid touching anyone by accident, avoid offending anyone or bumping into anyone or eye contact for more than a second or stepping on someone's foot and just avoid any and all interaction that could possibly occur.

Its like if they had the power to generate personal force fields they would but they cant so they instead read the newspaper or sleep or stare off into space or down out their surroundings with music or do other personal task that they can do to forget where they are and let the trip time fly by.

That's the simple truth and thats why no one helped old dude. Folks were probably blissfully unaware of what was happening, caught up in their own worlds until the last minute or were in their avoidance mode and just couldn't get going in time to help him.

So lets not act surprised. Judge all you want, its bad, it should be so but dont be surprised. Its horrible and says something about mankind yes but it is what happens in this society so dont make me laugh with your shock. All your shock tells me is that you're not a regular rider cause if you were you'd see it as pretty much par for the course.

Sad, disturbing, shameful yes, surprising naa not even a little bit.

Mail

I dont know if this has ever happened to any of you before but its happened to me twice so thought I'd share.

Today I had to mail off a small package. Had been to the post office on Friday to pick up the nice little padded envelope they sell there and came back today with everything packed and ready to go.

So I hand de package to the post office clerk, Of course she weigh um and ask what in it. I tell she. Why it is the next step she gine do is to measure the package with a tape measure too. I mean is not like I bring in me own cardboard box, I using an envelope that they the post office themselves sell me, that is a standard size. Why she had to remeasure it? That aint mek no sense to me. Dem think I tamper wid de envelope and unmek it and stitch it back bigger than the standard size?

Chupse!

Too much too much

Saw a woman this week who literally turned heads. And not only those of men but those of women as well. The reason? Gravity defying breasts, the size and shape of actual bowling balls. Clearly cubic zirconia or rather fakes. I mean it was so bad that one lady walking along the street, staring back to take in the spectacle almost walked right into yours truly.

Now I'm sure the holder of the boulders thought she was the ish. I mean what with all that head turning and almost causing accidents an all but it should be noted that there is a fine line between spectacular and spectacle and sorry but the blow up doll look is not hot.

On another note, Fall fashion is always so interesting and diverse. Some people just cant come to terms with the change in weather and cling to their summer garb. That and the fact that we all feel cold differently (especially since many of Toronto's inhabitants originated in some very diverse locals) lead to sights like two individuals walking down the street with one in a t shirt and the other with a leather jacket and scarf or one in shorts and the other bundled up in a leggings and a pea coat. Would almost lead you to believe that we all have individual portable weather devices that we can control our personal environments with.

Then there was the lady I saw outside smoking yesterday. Wrapped up tight tight with a scarf around her neck yet wearing the flimsiest of camisoles (thank you for that word Miss Smith) with all her arms, shoulders and chest all exposed. Go figure.

Caribana feva

Caribana in the air and I duz have to laff.

No, I not laffin at the Americun touristes like last year. And to be honest boy I wasnt really laffin nuh laff, just making an observation about dem so doan feel nuh way. How I cud laff at mi Americun friends when is 80% of mi blog visitors from de states. Ya feel I is a eediat? Not I, I not biting the hand that feed me.

Watch all my Caribbean and Canadian people get offended now cuhdear I just joking. Love off all wunnah bad like cook food.

No, what I laffin bout is how the Caribana fever duz ketch everybody. Is like how the spirit duz tek hold a ya in some of dem churches where the people start to speak in tongues and jump bout in the aisles and duz have lil children holin on to dem mudda saying "mummy but is wha wrong wid dat woman? she like she gone mad or something eh he."

Well actually I lie Caribana fever is not really like that but still it duz be a fever and it duz be ketching quick quick by some people.

Make no mistake though. A lot a we doan ketch it, ya must realize dat but what duz be really surprising and laff-able to me is who duz ketch it. If ya ketch me drift.

Cause a lot a we Torontonians from the islands dont ketch it at all. We duz be like:

yea yea yeah Caribana again, I gine to the cottage boy
down the Lakeshore, in this sun, pun foolish TTC uh huh yea you look fa me.
Me, not me, I aint going nowhere to get shoot this year ?
How come the fetes so expensive?
Wha time the police gine shut down big people fete and get people vex,
A wonder what controversy they going have this year?
how many floats ya feel going mek it on the road this time before the police shut de gates
I remember when it used to be on University. Dat used to be good, not like now.
Is how come Caribana duz always dont have money and mek we look so bad year after year begging the Province fa funds? Dem Caribana people too tief-fy!
Boy dem Caribana events expensive nuh lie. I aint paying no 25 dollar to watch nuh poo poo pan playing nor nuh 40 dollar fa King and Queen an dem costume dont be even say nuttin? Is mad ya mad?
Me go down Lakeshore? I going Crop Over instead or I waiting til de parkway Labor day or I gine down Miami carnival. boy dat duz be too sweet.
how come them playing tunes from February carnival and Crop Over last year? Wha happen Crop Over music from Crop-Over this year cant reach here? Dem waiting on steam boat to bring the tunes? Man this is internet era, download man download. we should have plenty plenty new crop over tunes by now. Chupse.
Caribana chupse ya lie boy ribfest cant miss me this year! (that would be me)
Boy dem Trinidad people too confuse I aint want nuttin to do wid dat Caribana ting
Dat duz be we the island people in Toronto when Caribana come...well unless ya under 25 or ya looking fa woman or ya from Trinidad and then well you love off Caribana and every event it have can't miss you. (See I can make fun of the Trinis cause nun a dem dont read mi blog.)

But anyways like I said I laffin at how the fever duz ketch when Caribana week reach. Ad who duz ketch the feva if not the majority of we island people in Toronto?

Well boy that is a very good question and that is what is so funny.

Come Caribana week every lil store suddenly got in a Jamaican and Trini flag. Men dat would follow ya round their store the whole year and give ya dirty looks if ya come in to buy a bottle of water or a pack a gum suddenly got Caribana themed t-shirts in their window and two thousand island flags and hats and belts and rags and banadana and head band and wrist band and musse even underwear and anything wid a Vincy, Lucian, Grenadian, Trini, Bajan, Jamaican, Guyanaese, Dominican, or anybody else in the Caribbean colors item on their shelves and at the doors. And see dem there smiling, standing at the door, grinning, telling you come in and browse.

See cud only be some sort a sickness amm I mean fever mek dem fellas so change. So yes I duz laff my head off when I walk around downtown come Caribana time and watch dem people so change colors and try to mek money off we when I know how things duz be the rest a de year.

Me not me I stanning home an listening me 2008 Crop Over tune, 2007 long gone Toronto dj's. Dem fellas cant mek no money off me. But I will continue to watch and laff.

ps: Dont tell nuhbody but I feel one of them Vincy girls in dat Photo is mi sistren Kami. shhhhh dont tell nobody I say dat.

Pink Caddy

She was driving a big mout car. Car mout suh big that is bout three minutes between when you first see the headlights and when you see the driver. A big, big, long pink cadillac!

I wonder how that car mout get suh big though? Must be like when as a chile and ya mudda tell ya doan push up ya mout or it will stan push up for good. Well this car musse push up it mout as a chile car and it just stick so cause the car mout long, long, long like an alligator wun.

Must be one of the first times I ever see one of them on the road too. I thought dem Cadillacs so was Hollywood cars? I didn't know people drove dem in real life. Color remind me of the suit Nas was wearing in the video for Street Dreams. Bright bright so!

So see she turning the corner as I walked through Kensington Market heading back to Spadina.

She? Well she was some hippy looking, notty dread locks want washing, white girl in a tank top dat could barely see over the dashboard properly. So see she turn the corner and driving down the road slow, slow, slow cause I guess if ya driving a pink cadillac its written in within the warranty and license that ya can only go suh fast or ya not doing justice to the vehicle.

As if driving something suh big and suh pink aint gettin' ya enough attention.

Anyways she moseying down the road, peep over the dashboard and notice that a few pigeons was in the road ahead of she. Bout five of them just deyso peck peck pecking away

Ya know what the foolish girl start doing? She start honking she horn. Pramp , Pramp, Pramp, Pramp, Pramp!

At first I thought there was traffic ahead a she dat I din see and she trying to honk at dem but no she honking at birds. chupse!

And she slow down to less than a crawl now and peeping over the dashboard past the car long mout trying to peep at the pigeons. But the pigeons ain't paying no real attention to the Pramp Pramp and she just disturbing the peace cause they still in the road picking at whatever invisible dust it is on the road that duz fascinate pigeons so and dem only backing off slightly when the big wheels of the long mout car get too close.

She couldn't be pramp pramping at me, the pigeons musse was thinking to themselves. She gotta recognize that we dont answer to nuh pramp, pramp, pramp. Maybe she cud get way wid talking to blackbirds or sparrows or wood doves like dat but ya gots to come correct when ya addressing we ...........

So all she doing is peeping and Pramp Pramping, adding to the usual noise pollution of the market instead a driving through the foolish pigeons.

I get a good view a she as I get closer cause she was only bothering my head wid de long lotta loud noise. pramp pramp pramp on the horn like the horn gine outta style. She getting on like she forget that dem is birds and they can fly away if and when they really they want.

She look like one a dem sorta hippy, duz smoke nuff weed, I love the earth and the animals are my brothers and sisters and I wouldn't so much as eat a chicken leg cause it would pain me to think that the one time I eat pieca de colonel's secret recipe I deprive a one legged chicken somewhere in need of a leg transplant of its one chance at lasting happiness types.

You ever meet dem yet? De wuns dat duz dread dem hair cause they feel that locks make them closer to mother earth somehow. Either that or they frighten fa a comb! All dum duz usually end up wid some big, ugly, hardback rasta man dat no decent respectable woman white , black, brown or green wud give the time of day to. Some musty want bathing fella wid a name like I-vexwidsociety or I-cantevenspellmynameproperly or I this that an de third. And next ting ya see two a dum walking de streets wid three or four hard headed pickneys running bout the place............

But anyways she deyso gine on bout the place wid de pramp pramp thing getting people tired enough a de long mout pink car and the pigeons barely egging she on backing back slow slow giving she their best we will move when we good and ready to move intimidatory looks and laughing at she cause they realize how they making she look like a real jackass.

Eventually someone shouted out "Just drive, they will move when they want to." That like that wake she out of she trance cause she look over at the sidewalk to see who had spoken. Was a fella from one a de stores moving some piece of furniture or shelf on the sidewalk. "Don't worry about them, Dem could fly ya kno!"

And it finally clicked with her so she moved on picking up pace again back to her slow I want you to look at me in this pink caddy pace.

As for the pigeons, to be honest to me dem aint worth wha paddy shot at. I think they survive but I couldn't be bothered to look back and see fa true.

98 lb weakling

We had a conversation last night. The wife was complaining about the gym and how people duz stare at ya an don't speak and I had to let her know that the gym is like the airport, a simile which brought the usual look of bewilderment to her face like "wuhloss now. wha stupidness this man talkin atall? He like he gine off agin". But I explain it "Dem people at the gym and at de airport duz have dem different rules to the rest of the world."

Not that I saying that a fella duz have to walk through metal detectors at the gym cause if you gym like that chances are you going to the wrong gym. No, I was merely making a comparision of places which operate outside of real world rules and ya just got to abide with what ya duz experience and not mek fuss.

Like for instance at the airport everything duz be twice as expensive to eat as anywhere else.

As soon as ya hit the airport doors is like you in a different country, where devalued currency coupled with a severe food shortage conspire to make a lil' coffee that might cost around $1.50 anywhere else not named starbucks, cost $8.50 and a sandwich wid pieca dry up roast beef or tuna an some 3 day old wilted lettuce that you wouldn't even consider taking for free let alone buying under different circumstances is about 20 dollars. Ok, well I exaggerating a lil but is juss a lil. Dem prices duz be real expensive ya hear!

God help ya if hunger ever hold ya at the airport and you aint got a snack with ya, which they catching more of we wid now since they got them oppressive rules that you cant even bring two brown mints and a pack a corn curls pass security nuhmore. Like they feel you name Mcgyver and you would tek the mint wrapper mix it with the corn curl crumbs, suck the mint and spit out fire to react with the wrapper and crumbs and produce nerve gas or something so. I neva see so much stupidness and people frighten so in my life yet. Got ya can't even carry lil water or even lil milk fa de baby past the metal detector. chupse!

So you duz be stuck there wid ya mout dry, dry, dry if ya plane get delay and all you seeing to eat is these hard up looking sandwiches and pastries that seen better days staring at you and costing summuch money that you gotta think seriously about tekkin out a mortgage to buy a meal combo. Well lets see I can afford to send the chile to College or well I cud have some juice and a lil roast beef sandwich. Decisions, decisions!

So that is the airport. The gym on the other hand got different rules too but is people rules not food rules like the airport. At the gym everybody duz stare at everybody else and then they dont acknowledge ya. And if ya stare back they duz pretend they aint staring. Or they dont stare at you directly no more but they stare at you via the mirrors.

Like they watching your every move to laff if you doing a exercise wrong or you aint lifting as much as they are or they see you doing some variation on an exercise and trying to figure out if you know what you doing or not.

All dem duz do is stare, glare and peer. Especially the jock types that always in pairs and trios fooling around and thinking they so cool and the Lou Ferrigno looking fellas that huffing and puffing, clanking bout big weights wid nuff noise to gain attention and looking like they should be named in the Mitchell Report.

The women too! Dem duz stare at ya cause they feel you should be staring at them cause nuff a dem wearing some tight up thing, trying to tantalize man by showing off navel and have assets print out so like technical drawing ya can see hidden detail and perkiness peeking at ya. Trying to catch man attention that is all them trying to do you kno. Cause if ya look carefully at the interactions is only dem sorta women so that duz get in any conversation at the gym cause they looking and certain man wid a big twinkle in him eye and a smile showing off nuff teeth duz be at the ready to sweet talk them.

Not me bosie! sweet talk who? No I, I minding my business. I doan know the meaning of sweet talk. The wife say when sweet talk was sharing I come late and all was leff was mauby bitters.

So see me, I duz sit down, wid me headphones, an do me lil weight ting and doan feel no way bout a fella. I duz juss observe the rules in effect. Dem nuh worry me, me no bother dem.

Even like today when a young girl bout half my size come in, sit down next to me and proceed to out lift me on the same shoulder press I was doing by at least 20 lbs. Chupse!

Feel I care though, feel I going strike up conversation cause look how she mekkin me look weak and small and shame muh in front a all dese big man lifting 70 nuff pounds barbells like is a roll a toilet paper? And I there scrunting and grunting with two lil foo foo weights in my hand. Chupse!

Feel I went and get heavier weights to lift cause a she? Feel I in competition wid her or what?

Naa man I juss do my thing and pretend I not seeing her. Me an my lil light weight is good enough fa me. I aint going try an outlift her and get no goadies nor ketch no hernia ya hear! I happy wid my 98lb weakling self.

Ethnic Hair

Got soul like that Afro pick with the black fist!
My mellow, my man - The Roots

So yesterday I went into Shoppers Drug Mart to do some shopping; grab some cold meds, some cheap nobody loved me enough to purchase me so now I'm on discount chocolate etc etc.

I didn't really have no list with me but since I go there so infrequently by the time I hit the door
I had like ten things I needed to stock up on. One was some hair grease and by grease I mean well lets just say that I using that term loosely cause my family duz refer to almost any product ya duz put in ya head as grease even if it aint suh greasy. We doan moisturize, condition, nor gel we duz grease! Ya understand?

'Looka try an grease ya scalp boy!'

Anyway so I walk into Shoppers, see the sign for the hair products and walk downed the aisle, which I should probably refer to from now on as the "regular hair products" aisle, but didn't see anything at all that looked familiar to me. Seeing all sorts of mousse, conditioner, holding gel and shampoos, VO5s, Garniers, Pantenes, Herbal Essences and other generic products that may be grease-like but don't really correspond to my needs in term of hair grease.

Where the TCB at son? Where my Jeri juice, the curl activator? What no Lusters Pink? no Sta-sof-fro. Doan even think bout open ing wunnah mout to tell me wunnah aint got nuh Sporting Waves or I gone den!

Wait wha kinda stupid store wunnah could be doah? Chupse! Wunnah mekkin sport den! Wunnah gine mek me have to go an check someplace like Novellette shop down on Eglington West (anybody see that Kink in My hair sitcom yet? Trust me is nice.)

So I was thinking to myself maybe these guys dont carry any black hair products although this is Scarborough and I know some of the other Shoppers Drugs I've been in do carry them.

It was then as I walked down another aisle searching for the cough medicine that I butt up on the sign saying "Ethnic hair products" and the corresponding products which in my opinion turn out to be mostly black hair products with a few items made in Greece and Australia thrown in. (Grease made in Greece aint that ironic somehow?)

Now before I say anything else let me mek it clear I not making any big issue out of this I just find it funny so I commenting. I got some questions for these ethnic hair people.

Why were those hair products separate from the other hair products? Ok I can see putting all of the black hair products together or all the hair product produced a foreign together but did they really need a separate aisle? Couldn't they keep them together but within the same aisle as the "regular hair products"? It wasn't a space issue cause the store could have rearranged things to do that.

I mean it was a little confusing. Confusing as hell actually cause if I walk in and just see the sign for Hair Products where logically all hair products should be and not see what I looking for in that aisle then odds are I would take my business elsewhere cause I normally wouldn't be looking for a sign saying ethnic hair products.

I mean logically one would think you would keep all hair products together and not scatter them around. Wha happen dem frighten de ethnic hair products taint de regular hair products so dem segregating the hair products. Cuhdear!

(And for the person who will say but in the supermarket they separate out the foods and have aisles with imported foods etc is not the same thing.)

Secondly what really is with the ethnic hair products designation? What exactly is an ethnic hair product? Y'all got some Russian hair grease in deyso? New Delhi mousse? Scottish gel? Or is that short form code for products imported from outside North America or products for people whose hair is not naturally straight or products that regular people who duz shop in the "regular hair product" aisle don't use?

I feel to solve all this wunnah need to put all the hair products together and just put up one big sign saying hair grease.

Anyways that is all I got to say I gine an mek myself useful an grease my head.