Monday, August 06, 2007

A guide to Caribana tourists

OK as I was walking around downtown on Friday evening I realized that at Caribana time you can definitely tell the tourists from the locals. There's just something about all those Caribana visitors that make them stand out. So here's a how to guide on Caribana tourists. Some of the points overlap but you'll get the idea. Oh and sometimes locals do try to emulate the styles to varying effects. Any of you Torontonians who wish to add to the list please feel free.

(1) If you're a lady and you are immaculately matched ie: outfit matches shoes, matches bag matches both nail and hair color (especially hair color) then chances are you are not from Toronto.

(2) if you're wearing a tight white muscle shirt (wife beater) and walking around thinking that you look all cock-diesel an ish then chances are you are not from Toronto.

(3) if you have a t-shirt or white towel wrapped around your head while wearing said muscle shirt then chances are you are not from Toronto.

(4) if you try to grab the hand of every girl who passes by with whom you wish to speak then chances are you are not from Toronto. Toronto dudes know that ish will get you clocked quick up in here but non-Toronto dudes can get away with it once they have the right accent if you know what I'm saying.

(5) If you're overweight and the 6 or 7 other persons in your crew are also equally overweight then chances are you are not from Toronto.

(6) If your camcorder is on 24-7 taping everyone walking the street like you've never seen other black people before then chances are you are not from Toronto.

(7) If you and your entire crew are all wearing clothing that is more scandalous than the dental floss outfits that the Caribana masquerade band members are wearing then chances are you are not from Toronto (although truth be told you actually could be).

(8) If you're bigger than Big Pun and Biggie combined yet you are still rocking the muscle shirt alluded to in #2 then chances are you are not from Toronto.

(9) Guys if you are decked out in all white from head to toe (with or without the wifebeater) then chances are you not from Toronto.

(10) If you're in a group of three and someone in your group has purple hair then chances are you are not from Toronto.

(9) If you overdo the nationalistic clothing for example your Caribbean island flag is pretty standard but then if you also have the wrist band, the medallion, the hat, the t-shirt, the pants and the rag and you're walking around looking like Captain St Lucia or Captain Barbados then chances are you are not from Toronto.

(10) If the detail in your man's braids get more attention than your weave, chances are you are not from Toronto.

(11) If there are 5 or more guys jumping around like they are in a mosh pit even when the music isn't playing or bands aren't passing chances are those dudes are not from Toronto.

(12) If you are dressed in the skimpiest of clothing that would look nice on a petite to normal sized figure but you know you only shop at the plus sized stores then chances are you are not from Toronto.

(13) If you must keep stopping random people to ask them where the party's at chances are you are not from Toronto.

(14) If you keep asking random people to point you to Yonge street chances are you are not from Toronto.

(15) If you are a Bajan and you're at the Caribana parade chances are you are not from Toronto. (Sorry most T-dot bajans go home to Bim for Crop Over or complain about not being able to go home for Crop Over and how crappy Caribana is). I lie?

and fresh for the 07

(16) If you are a guy wearing green contacts chances are you are not from the T-dot.

Like I said its not an all encompassing list and there are exceptions to the rules. Still feel free to add your own observations.

17 comments:

Abeni said...

You Torontonians need to get with it:)

princessdominique said...

I might qualify as a tourist though because I'm always immaculately matched and trying to be fashionable. I better stop it huh?

AirBourne said...

What is the difference then between Kadooment and Caribana? 90 % of ur rules apply here 2!

Campfyah said...

lordee..yuh ein doing de tourist right atall

GC (God's Child) said...

I'm with Abeni
why can't you people let loose and have a little fun?

Stunner said...

Bwoy Toronto people nuh have no fun! lol

Luke Cage said...

LOL!!! Yo! You cats don't play up in the Tdot brah... that is ill.

Anonymous said...

If you're rocking a red pinstriped suit and standing dabbing your forehead with a hankie in front of Union Station..in the middle of the day...outside Union Station. You're not from T-dot. (I really wished I had my camera.)

Mighty Afroditee said...

Thanks for the guide. Very telling observations. Is only in anudda country people can really brek free and dress and behave like they can't at home. Tee hee! Sad ting is, I have a feeling seh sme of those "Tourists" are really from Toronto. Young wanna be's trying to fit it.

BajanSistren said...

If in de hottest of hot Caribana suns you are decked out in black pleather jacket and matching hat, you are definitely not from Toronto.

Urban Sista said...

If you believe that 'ay bay bay' is an appropriate way to start a conversation with a young lady, you probably aren't from Toronto... or you're under 21.

Crankyputz said...

lol

I match...sometimes....

funny list...

but i agree, i think we need to be more welcoming to our fellow americans and their dollar...i for one am trying to do my part!

Amadeo said...

Green Contacts...yeah...

Radmila said...

That was a great list!

Drew said...

#17 - If you have big tattoos down your arm (male) or angel wings across your back or chest (female).. chances are you're not from Toronto!

Patricia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Actually, if you are a guy grabbing the hands of selected women who walk by and saying something equivalent to "hey baby" you could very well be from Toronto! Although Toronto women may know that you are perpetrating (due to a slightly inauthentic Yank accent), they will likely be willing to play along, because they may be starved for attention since you are likely to avoid even making eye contact with them for the rest of the year.