A guide to Caribana tourists

OK as I was walking around downtown on Friday evening I realized that at Caribana time you can definitely tell the tourists from the locals. There's just something about all those Caribana visitors that make them stand out. So here's a how to guide on Caribana tourists. Some of the points overlap but you'll get the idea. Oh and sometimes locals do try to emulate the styles to varying effects. Any of you Torontonians who wish to add to the list please feel free.

(1) If you're a lady and you are immaculately matched ie: outfit matches shoes, matches bag matches both nail and hair color (especially hair color) then chances are you are not from Toronto.

(2) if you're wearing a tight white muscle shirt (wife beater) and walking around thinking that you look all cock-diesel an ish then chances are you are not from Toronto.

(3) if you have a t-shirt or white towel wrapped around your head while wearing said muscle shirt then chances are you are not from Toronto.

(4) if you try to grab the hand of every girl who passes by with whom you wish to speak then chances are you are not from Toronto. Toronto dudes know that ish will get you clocked quick up in here but non-Toronto dudes can get away with it once they have the right accent if you know what I'm saying.

(5) If you're overweight and the 6 or 7 other persons in your crew are also equally overweight then chances are you are not from Toronto.

(6) If your camcorder is on 24-7 taping everyone walking the street like you've never seen other black people before then chances are you are not from Toronto.

(7) If you and your entire crew are all wearing clothing that is more scandalous than the dental floss outfits that the Caribana masquerade band members are wearing then chances are you are not from Toronto (although truth be told you actually could be).

(8) If you're bigger than Big Pun and Biggie combined yet you are still rocking the muscle shirt alluded to in #2 then chances are you are not from Toronto.

(9) Guys if you are decked out in all white from head to toe (with or without the wifebeater) then chances are you not from Toronto.

(10) If you're in a group of three and someone in your group has purple hair then chances are you are not from Toronto.

(9) If you overdo the nationalistic clothing for example your Caribbean island flag is pretty standard but then if you also have the wrist band, the medallion, the hat, the t-shirt, the pants and the rag and you're walking around looking like Captain St Lucia or Captain Barbados then chances are you are not from Toronto.

(10) If the detail in your man's braids get more attention than your weave, chances are you are not from Toronto.

(11) If there are 5 or more guys jumping around like they are in a mosh pit even when the music isn't playing or bands aren't passing chances are those dudes are not from Toronto.

(12) If you are dressed in the skimpiest of clothing that would look nice on a petite to normal sized figure but you know you only shop at the plus sized stores then chances are you are not from Toronto.

(13) If you must keep stopping random people to ask them where the party's at chances are you are not from Toronto.

(14) If you keep asking random people to point you to Yonge street chances are you are not from Toronto.

(15) If you are a Bajan and you're at the Caribana parade chances are you are not from Toronto. (Sorry most T-dot bajans go home to Bim for Crop Over or complain about not being able to go home for Crop Over and how crappy Caribana is). I lie?

and fresh for the 07

(16) If you are a guy wearing green contacts chances are you are not from the T-dot.

Like I said its not an all encompassing list and there are exceptions to the rules. Still feel free to add your own observations.