Onboard computers

Chips that power nuclear bombs power my sega
Return of the Crooklyn Dodgers - Jeru

Was just watching TV. Some new show Ugly somebody or the other, it look like it have potential for now till I get tired a watching it in two weeks. Anyway commercial time came and I aint paying too much mind just trying to find where I put the remote so I can channel surf and see what else on.

Same set a damn foolish commercials on as usual. If it aint feminine products is chunky soup which to be honest dem should just call stew cause if it that chunky you can pour it on top of some rice n peas so to me that make it stew not nuh soup. I know we West Indians accustom to some thick soups but don't let dem fool ya man the chunky soup they advertising is really beef stew. Aint no two ways about it! Is just them aint want nobody to feel they eating unhealthy by marketing beef stew in a can that is all. I mean think about it. Which sound better?

"Hey man What is that you eating?"
"Oh this is a can of Chunky soup"

Compare that to "oh this is beef stew in a can"

See what I mean? Alright then!

Then a whole set a commercial about new drugs allo this an allevo than and the next was on. All sorts of drugs for depression and suppression and regression and errectile, projectile difficulties and all sorta business which duz mek me laugh. No don't get me wrong I aint laughing at the people with the illnesses I laughing at how the ads duz talk big and bold about how great the new drugs are and then at the end of it all somebody duz usually come out in a low voice just above a whisper and real real fast give ya a little disclaimer about all the side effects. Something like "Warning cia-vico-nutra-allo-aden has been known to cause diarrhea, nausea, headaches and anal leakage."

Anal wha? Lawd god ave mercy! How sick you would have to be where anal leakage is a good side effect that better than what you have. Wuhloss boy!

Anyways like I was saying I trying to find the remote when some foolish toothbrush commercial come on. I still aint paying no mind when all of a sudden I hear the man say 'the onboard computer will...." Wait a minute. He aint just say onboard computer in a toothbrush did he? No man my ears hearing things. No but the missis confirm that is what the fella say. Well then to quote my Jamaican bredren "Blouse n skirt"!

Of all the combinations I didn't expect to see in my lifetime toothbrush and onboard computer might be way up near the top of the list. Well well well. What is the world coming to? Toothbrushes that going to tell you when you brush long enough and when is time to change the bristles.

And ya know what I think about this toothbrush and likewise technology? Man I feel some of these technologies mekkin we lazy and slow witted. I mean don't tek me wrong I not a dinosaur of the technical age but really these things say they making life easier but what they doing is dulling ya damn common sense. Ya mean now ya aint even got to know when is time to change a toothbrush or how long ya brush ya teeth for and ya relying on a computer for that? Chupse! Suppose somebody mess up the onboard computer and got you brushing for two hours till you brush off all the enamel and ya gums raw cause you waiting for the toothbrush to tell you when to stop?

Wha pretty soon they going have fork with microchip to tell ya when ya eat enough and computerized hair brush so that you don't over brush and damage ya hair. Wait an see I aint claiming to be no Nostradamus but I see dat sorta foolishness in we future.

Then we sit an wonder why the yout so lazy and obesity rampant and people aint seem to have less common sense than before. Chupse!

Mr Fantastic

So the other day the wife say that the way my grey hair coming in on the sides it mekkin me look like the fella Reed Richards on the Fantastic Four movie. So of course I say "Well then you should call me Mr Fantastic". Hear de woman now. "Oh you mean like how we duz call somebody that small big man or a short fella tall boy?" chupse

p.s: Was I the only one who saw Kid Capri pull out his cellie listen to it for a few minutes and then mouth the words "I'll call you back later" while he was on stage in the midst of dj'ing Rakim's performance? Did I actually see that or was it the second hand smoke?

Murder, mayhem & deja vu

I'm going out blasting taking my enemies with me
Shook Ones - Mobb Deep


Since it happened on Wednesday, I've wanted to talk about the whole Dawson College incident. But what do I say that hasn't been said before?

I could take the easy route and just repeat what the media and two million other websites have stated about the shootings but I didn't want to do that. I mean I could but what exactly would be the point? By now everyone knows that a 25 year old gunman just went into the college and started blasting, injuring 18 persons, killing one young lady and then killing himself.

So what can I say?

When I got home I was actually pretty surprised to see the coverage on TV. There were visuals of young people running for safety and police cordoning off areas outside the school. I hadn't even heard about the incident, I guess that shows how busy I've been at work lately.

Did anyone notice that the killer's mother said he was a good boy? Is it just me or do you notice that a lot with horrific crimes? It doesn't matter, the dude's name could be Adolf Slobadan Bin Laden Mubuto Pinochet and he could have killed more people in reality than every gangsta rappers combined has on wax and his moms will still step up to say he was a good child.

Montreal again! Oh man wasn't it enough that they had the whole Marc Lepine, Ecole Polytechnic shootings there 17 years ago? Damn this Dawson College thing was like deja vu. Anyway I hadn't even heard of Dawson College to be honest even though it turns out that when we lived in Montreal we were only a few blocks away from it. I was thinking from the description I've got to have walked by sometime because I know where the Forum is and Alexis Nihon Mall and Atwater was my subway stop so how was it I missed this college? Weird!

And I found it interesting that they were searching the internet to get insight into the killer's motivations and psyche. Not only that but they, the media that is, seemed surprised that he hadn't left giant footprints and signs saying he was going on a killing spree so that he could be stopped beforehand. Duhhh that only happens in badly written TV shows. All they found was that he was a dispirited youth upset with the world, played first person shooter video games, liked guns and seemed a bit depressed. Sure in hindsight I see warning signals but I'm sure there are tonnes of people, especially young ones who fit that profile but the majority aren't going to try to go out in a blaze of gunshots like he did.

So could this killer have been stopped? Well maybe if society had embraced him or he had embraced society or someone had noticed that something was wrong with him before he started to plot his crimes then maybe.

But once the plot was on unless he had blabbed his intent to someone else or unless we have a bunch of mind readers and psychics like Tom Cruise's Minority Report movie there really is no way to stop a person from doing something like that out of the blue. You can profile all you want but profiles are based on past incidents and other indicators. Someone will always slip one out of the blue case past the profilers.

Mind you he could have been stopped if he was prevented from acquiring the weapons he used on his rampage. Yea I'm still wondering where did this guy get all the guns he had? Now there's a way to prevent some crimes rather than profiling! Stop people from getting access to guns. I didn't know it was so easy to get shotguns and the like in Canada. Don't we have a gun registry and all that? Oh wait maybe he got some stolen guns like all the ones supposedly floating around Toronto because legitimate gun collectors were getting robbed on the regular the last couple of years. Anyway this case will have an impact on the national debate about getting rid of the gun registry. Should be something to watch.

Still back to the killer, I mean yes this guy seemed a little wonky in retrospect but he wasn't as out of the ordinary as some of the weirdos you see everyday on the subway and I don't think most of them are looking to go out in a police shootout do you?

So should we profile more and keep tabs on anyone who plays first person shooter video games? Should we profile everyone who's ever been angry with the world or their job or their family or their neighbour or someone down the street in the corner store? I don't know. But I'm pretty sure it wont stop every other nutcase from slipping through because with this crime it wasn't even like the killer had a connection with the school he shot up. It was just some random out of the blue reason he chose that school to go on his killing spree. You just cant stop random out of the blue.....once the madman acquires the weapons that is.

When it rains.....

As if having KRS-one here next month and Tribe called Quest next week I believe wasn't enough now the word is that Rakim will be here in about two weeks. Oh man, talk about your deluge of hip hop icons! In my opinion that's having the number 1 and 2 best hip hop artists of all time (forget Biggie and Pac) performing right after each other. Ok so somebody aint getting Christmas presents cause I got to go get me a Rakim ticket.

In other news, had a couple of calypso shows with popular Caribbean artists up here this weekend. All I have to say about that is if you are a new breaking artist with like one hot song, possibly first time on tour outside of your country, you really shouldn't come all the way up here, get drunk and forget half your lyrics. Come on son be professional!

Things done changed

We are at War
Sista Soulja on Terminator-X's Buck Whylin'

Five years ago the world changed. Regardless of whether you agree with the changes or not this has to be an accepted fact.

The day the towers fell the world we existed in drew to a close and a new reality dawned on us in the western world.

At that point in time as most of us watched on TV as the second plane struck the building or later as the towers lost structural integrity and came crumbling down did we really fathom the extent to which the world was going to change? Did we realize then that this was the start of living in a state of war?

A state of war from which we have yet to emerge.

Did we realize that blood would be shed in Afghanistan and Iraq, and that secret military jails would be set up all over the world, that combatants would be interned at Guantanamo? Did we realize that this devastating act would give governments carte blanche to become proactive or preemptive instead of reactive to perceived threats? Did we realize that?

Did we realize that civil liberties would be lost, lives would be upturned, personal information would be collected and our lives would be more restricted all in the name of maintaining our other freedoms? Have we even noticed that yet?

Did we realize that our society would gain new stereotypes? We had become accustomed to that age old one where we feared black men but now there is a new fear of brown folks and folks with long beards, or middle eastern style headwear or other garb which isn't western and folks who pray on planes and folk who bring deodorant and toothpaste and bottled water on planes and anyone who well anyone who just fits the so-called threat profile. Did we anticipate that?

Did we anticipate the Iraq invasion? Did we anticipate the existence of sleeper cells, the fact that your neighbor could be one of them and how much dread the word terrorism would bring with it. Did we realize that any dissident or anyone with a beef against a government could be discredited by labeling him/her a terrorist?

Did we realize that we would view the Islamic religion with new eyes?

Did we realize that governments would clamp down with new security/patriot acts giving them extra powers? Did we realize that any slight disruption to our electricity supply or our subway system could bring out that fear that lurks just beneath the surface that maybe just maybe this time it was another terrorist act? Did these thoughts cross even if so fleetingly across our minds on September 11th 2001?

Did we realize that gas prices would be driven sky high, economies would stutter and airplane travel would become a major hassle?

Well 9/11 sure changed things. It gave us an enemy and it gave us new fears.

After the Soviet Union collapsed and the Berlin Wall fell the Western world lacked a distinct threat, a real bad guy to focus on, to put a face to. Well 9/11 changed that. Bin Laden, Al Qaeda a new enemy had emerged.

I wont argue whether the west helped in the creation of this enemy and if so how they did it and I wont argue whether or not the enemy is just a bunch of fundamentalist madmen. The fact is folk exist out there who are probably planning attacks right now and we live now in a world where we wonder, even if its not constantly on our mind, what will be the next target, which country, which city, which group of people will have their everyday lives disrupted. What will be targeted; airports, airplanes, stadiums, buildings, trains? Will it be London, Madrid, Toronto even?

We have no idea. All we know is that the war is on, (even though our leaders might say we're winning or have won already) and as such another strike could happen anywhere because well that's what happens in war.

Things done changed on September 11 2001.

Star Gazing

It always amazes me how our society is obsessed with the cult of celebrity. Not saying that I'm entirely immune but I just think sometimes we go too far.

I thought about this a bit this week for a couple of reasons. For one the Toronto International Film Festival started this week and Toronto is full of big name movie stars premiering their work. Some folk here go crazy over the fact that you can walk down certain streets and see movie stars dining on the terraces or shopping with the hoi polloi and they go out of their way to just go hang around those areas hoping to catch just a glimpse of said stars.

To me that's just a bit too much. I mean just for a glimpse? Come on now. that's either stalking or idol worship if you ask me.

I've seen a few stars in my time just walking down the street but I don think I was overawed or anything. Actually funny story was when I was chatting with a friend on Bloor a few years ago and Steven Seagal pulled up in his monster SUV. We looked up she said "Hey is that Steven Seagal?" Yep I replied, then we just went back to our conversation while his SUV idled just in front of us.

But celebrities, I mean its not like I'm paparazzi and will get paid for photos of them or anything. They walk by or drive by, they look familiar, I recognize them, I walk on. Big deal. Well unless its someone like Halle Berry or another hot looking star but even that aint preferential treatment cause if I see a hot non-celebrity lady walk by I would do I'd definitely have the same reaction.

Anyway regarding celebrities its as my mother would say "dem aint no different ta you, dem duz still have to put da pants on one leg at a time and dey duz still have to go in the bathroom to relieve themselves just like you."

Another reason I thought about the celebrity thing this week was two of the big celebrity news items; the whole Tom Cruise baby thing and the Paris Hilton drunk driving business. Maybe its because I really don't like either of these celebs that much but I thought what a waste of newsprint to be focusing on these stories. Then I thought about all the trivial stories we hear about celebs and the whole industry that has grown up around celebrity gossip. Truly fascinating to some but is it really newsworthy? Do I really need to know what clubs they go to or what restaurants they eat at or what they bought at the store?

The Press made Paris Hilton a star when she had done nothing besides make a movie of her getting it on with some guy and If I see one more story about Sienna Miller, whose actual contribution to film or art escapes me, just because she's linked to Jude Law and he cheated on her with the nanny I think I'm going to go ballistic. I mean if getting horned by the nanny made you a star you know how much women would be celebrities right now? Chupse!

I'm more interested in what movie or what album someone is going to put out next than what they do in their everyday life. So he/she has a drug problem, big frigging deal so do 20 other cats I walk by on the street every day. I should actually be more interested in and receiving news about those guys on the street corner cause they are broke and they might try to rob or break into my home to get money for their fix and are a potential danger to me as opposed to the star who can just call up a celebrity pusher from the comfort of his plush couch in his big mansion and pay for his fix with a black card.

Do I really care which man/woman said star has on the side or how pissing drunk they got last week? Is it really newsworthy sorry I should say is it really worth talking about because they are celebrities? I think not.

Random

- The persons who invented those kids shoes with wheels in the heel are really evil geniuses. Geniuses because they are getting paid over that invention and evil because do they know how annoying it is to grown folk to see little kids skate around in public places like malls and subway stations.

- Rest in peace to Steve Irwin the crocodile hunter. Dude really lived life on the edge tackling all of those dangerous animals. I'll be honest with y'all they couldnt pay me enough to do the stuff he did. Me, put my hands in crocodile mouth or wrestling with them? Who me? Nevers!! They would have to give me some guns, machetes, three big rocks and a suit of armour first.
And what he was doing in the first place messing with those creatures? Look anytime something got a descriptive word like Biting or juking or Stinging in its name you should be staying the hell away from it. It aint name cute and cudely it name STING ray that should be a warning that it aint a plaything.

- Come to da T'cha, cause me say come to da T'cha. The Blastmaster KRS-one not two or three or four will be performing in the T-dot in October. Its KRS-one so I've decided to put away my whole "I'm too old for hip hop concerts" mentality to go see Kris perform one more time. Saw him back in 97 or was it 98 here in Toronto at the Opera House and it was a wicked concert. One of the best I've ever been too. Anyway even though I will argue that KRS' latest album is not up to his usual standard I still want to go check out this concert cause the man brings its on stage no doubt and he has the repertoire of hits to rock the crowd for a couple of hours if he chooses.

-Team USA lost to Greece. Whats that all about? On a positive note Jose Calderone and Jorge Garbajosa won gold medals with their team Spain. Hopefully this winning will translate onto the Raptors squad.

-Do all the small yappy dogs in my neighbourhood hate me? First it was the guy on the corner and his dog which bounds at me every time I pass now this morning it was the neighbours a couple of doors down whose dogs rushed me and growled and barked as I walked to work. I know dogs cant read but all I got to say is bark all you want jump around all you want just dont touch me. Consider this The Warning like Biggie.

-Whats with these American pilots killing Canadian soldiers in friendly fire incidents? Van Damnne! I mean I'm not going to discuss my feelings on the whole Canadian mission in Afganistan but the prevailing climate here as more of our soldiers die is that we shouldnt be there. Yea I know we've lost a fraction of what the U.S has lost but we're a far smaller country population wise and these friendly fire incidents are just more ammunition against being there. And to clarify this how do you mistake Canadian soldiers in soldier gear and with all sort of fancy soldier equipment for Taliban fellas with turbans? Look either somebody in the cockpit half blind or them was too trigger happy. Rest in Peace Mark Graham.

-Whats with Annuals, meaning plants that last only one season and then die, and then you have to buy them again the next season? Its a scam I say! If they are annuals and die then how come the greenhouse duz got them to sell every year. This is just an elaborate ruse to get stupid people money but dat aint going work wid me I sticking to Perennials. (And before someone thinks I'm being totally serious here I do understand how it works and why the greenhouses can have them year after year but I still think its a scam.)

- Another Johnny annoy me. Read this inteview with Tracy Mcgrady this morning and he was going on about "I didn’t want to move my family to Canada. I didn’t want my daughter going to school in Canada." These NBA players are just so close-minded its sad.

- I really cant fathom this whole Myspace and Hi5 business. I still fully dont get the purpose of these places but does everyone and their mama have a Myspace page these days? Well I'm not on Myspace and no intentions of going, I already spend enough time on the web as it is, but somehow somebody get muh to sign up on this Hi5 thing. Now today I get a email saying something about somebody or the other want to be my friend on Hi5 and when I open the email I see this big half-naked black fella wid he shirt off showing off all he chest muscles and wid a big smile on he face saying he want to be my friend. Wha kinda place this hi5 supposed to be though? I thought I was going in a reputable establishment. Oh hellllll no! Well boy, I aint want nuhbody so as my friend. Next thing he would be trying to get friendly. Nuh uhh!

Seasons change

Seasons change,
mad things rearrange
but it all stays the same
like the love Dr strange

How many mics- Fugees (Lauryn Hill)

End of summer. Well not really officially but schools start back on Tuesday and it just feels as if summer is over. Actually forget the trees changing colors the first sign of fall I was unable to ignore was when I saw a lady on the subway on Wednesday with a leather jacket.

I mean it wasn't even the end of August. Mind you I don't blame her. Its been cold in the mornings up in this joint. It gets warmer as the day progresses but mornings are downright freezing. Its like we went straight from Middle Eastern type temperatures in July to fall in August.

Doesn't it seem as if the weather is all screwy since last year like someone fast forwarded the season changes? I remember snow early last November before I'd even had a chance to rake the leaves. Then spring seemed to have jumped in a little early in late February and Summer jump started in May. Weird aint it?

And being the fashionista that I am (yea right!) I've noticed that hoodies are making a return (don't call it a comeback they been here for years) this fall. Not that they ever disappeared completely but they just seem to be the in thing this year. The stores are full of them. They were all over the mall today both in stores and on the bodies of the mall goers as we experienced some cold and rain and well I just have this prediction its going to be like 1992-93 all over again.

But hey "don't you know daddy that things go in cycles, the way that Bobby Brown (and now usher and omarion and chris brown and ne-yo) is just ampin like Michael."

Family

There's Family and then there is "Family". Y'all know what I'm saying?

I don't have a lot of both, more "family" than family, both here and in Barbados, actually people who do right by me and always got my back. My "fam". So to those who are fam good looking out. That includes my blog fam. Y'all know who I mean.

Actually that was supposed to be the end of the blog right there but let me get a little philosophical on the whole family thing. In my mind there are two schools of thought that I've heard of on the other family that is the blood relations and family by marriage ie the people that you cant be rid of even though they may be annoying as hell. To me the theories are somewhat polar opposites and I firmly sit in one corner as opposed to the other.

In one corner is the belief that family gets special perks and you let them slide on ish because well they are family and you need to hold them down regardless no questions asked even if cousin bob stole your ish or auntie Betty tried to hustle you. I think that's the more popular theory.

On the other side and this is where I stand is the belief that if you are family you need to be held to higher accountability cause you are family and you shouldn't be trying to mess with me. You are family and you should know better and you should treat me better as I will strive to treat you better than the average Joe. So cousin bob shouldn't be stealing from me and Auntie Betty sure as hell shouldn't be trying to hustle me. That's where I stand so if you are family and you mess with me I do take that ish personal and I will ostracize you. Comprende?

But then I'm an absolute black and white type cat most times so what do I know.

Where do you stand?

And before me family start cussing muh I aint talking bout nobody in particular I just talking theoretically although y'all know I will cut you off and I can go years not dealing with certain family if I think they tried to mess with me. Word is bond!

Anyway y'all can ignore the rant. What's important is if you 'fam' thanks and good looking out.

8 million stories in the city

Or rather 5.3 Million stories in the GTA.

Tuesday morning hopped off the Bloor-Danforth subway at St. George and made my way through the crowd up the stairs. Near the top I realized a southbound was waiting on the next level and there seemed to be space, well standing room at least, left. Bounded the last two steps and made a mad dash into the tail end of the last car before the train whistle had gone. Not that I was in a hurry to get to work or anything but a southbound train with space is a rarity on my morning journey.

Got on the train and didn't have to jostle with the work bound crew for space and a railing to grab onto. I also had a clear path to the door which was good cause I hate getting stuck in the middle of a subway car and having to push through a million people to get to the door.

Looked like it could be a good day.

I was near the back of the car close to the last door and suddenly I realized that there was a stream of people walking steadily and purposefully past me towards seats in the front of the train. The first two passed by and I thought oh maybe the conductor just needs to get to the window on that side but then more joined them. Then I realized wait a minute the conductor usually isn't in the last car and that side with the seats is not the side to the platform. Then I noticed the tapping. tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Steady, loud sort of rhythmic but getting frantic tapping.

My eyes spun and I realized the whole back of the train had cleared out except for one woman. The tapping was the results of her efforts with a water bottle on the back of the subway car's window. She seemed oblivious to everything around her solely focused on the tunnel behind us. Hmmm the tapping was getting more frantic and by her antics and the antics of the other passengers I could tell she was how shall we say this ummm a bit off, a bit disturbed in the head possibly.

But wait a minute. This wasn't your typical shabby, smelly, crazy eyed lunatic. From my view of her back she was dressed pretty nicely, Bay Street type office stylish, matching designer handbag, heels. If it wasn't for the incessant tapping and the fact that she had lain out what looked to be some of her bag's contents papers and the like on the floor at the back of the train I would have probably thought she was the typical secretary or exec type I see every morning. Actually maybe she was who knows.

Was trying not to stare but hoping to catch a glance at her face. She turned around, eyes looked a bit out of it and the biggest clue to her mindstate was the untidiness of her hair; her blonde hair was unkempt falling all over her face in little tangles.

Anyway not sure what happened next. She kept tapping, I left the train a few stations later.

Just wonder who she was and what was her story and what happened next. You never can tell can you. She might have got some bad news at home or even on her way to work. News that pushed her over the edge. She might have lost a love one, been jilted by a lover, been in trouble or fired at her job, lost all her money, found out she was dying or maybe she just plain forgot to take her medication. Who knows.

Oh well like I said there are 5.3 million stories in the GTA.

And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Will always love you-ou-ou-ou!

Funniest story I read in the news in a while is here. It says that apparently Osama has a serious crush on Crackney umm sorry I mean Whitney Houston. Which begs the questions?

So exactly how long has that dude been living in a cave? Has he seen Whitney lately? How much Opium has he been smoking in that cave?

But there got to be elements of this that the authorities can use. Whitney Houston crack special undercover agent maybe. Yea send Whitney down to Afghanistan and Osama would cease to be a threat in no time flat.

Oh the scenarios I can think of. How I wish I had my own comedy special right about now just to do some of these skits. Its gold Jerry gold!

And the story continues to say that Bin Laden talked about taking out Bobby Brown. Here's an idea Osama vs Bobby live pay per view cage or rather cave match. I'm putting my cash on Bobby. That cat is crazy and he's from Roxbury that's all I'm saying.

Ironically

Yout's going to be six months tomorrow my how time flies.

Was having a conversation the other day and the gist was look how times have changed. Back when we were growing up parents were all about school, school and more school. Extra curricular activities were just stuff that took you away from homework. Ok well some parents would let you learn to play the Violin or Clarinet or Piano because learning classical music was an exception in terms of extra curricular activities and was good for you but other than that it was like go do your homework and stop running around with those kids wasting your time.

Today its the opposite sort of. Its all about extra curricular stuff and not just extra curricular stuff but focused planned extra curricular stuff. Swimming lessons at 4, soccer at 5, skating at 6:30, piano at 7:30, this and that lessons, play time guided by adults. 3 year olds in soccer and t-ball leagues, what just happened to kicking a ball around with the neighbor's kids regardless of their ages? And when did the focus switch from school, school, school to must have child pay to do everything under the sun in an effort to make them well rounded.

Forget a well rounded our parents wanted to make sure we took school seriously and were able to get jobs when we graduated. lol

Anyway its just a comment, I think I stand somewhere in the middle on this. Moderation. I'm more of a play but chuck the adults and the regimented time scheduling kind of guy. Think those Brazilian superstar football players were playing in pee wee soccer leagues at age 3 over in Rio? Hell to the Naw they were probably just kicking some makeshift ball against the wall with a bunch of other kids in a favela while their moms screamed at them to come finish their homework.

I'm just saying.

Airlines, Airports and Travel

Its been a crazy week for travelers worldwide with this new terror threat in the UK. So much terror and fear abound about when next the terrorists will strike, people a plenty afraid to fly yet I keep hearing that the war on terror has been won by the West. Interesting fallout of winning I guess.

Anyway now they making it difficult for a man to travel in an airplane. Ok more difficult because they ramped up security a bit after 9/11 but now its getting more stringent again. Forget Snakes on a plane right now the scariest item on a plane is liquids in a carry on bag. Where's Sam Jackson when you need him huh?

No liquids, no gels anything that can spray or ooze or flow or looks viscous prohibited from carry on luggage they say. No hair gel, no juice, no water bottles, no roll on deodorant, no toothpaste nothing so. Cuhdear!

So that means if someone has to overnight to catch a connecting flight they have to look to buy some Right Guard and a tube of Colgate in the connecting city, take one or two brushes with that tube of toothpaste and then dash way the whole pretty much unused tube before they head to the airport to catch the connecting flight. And you thought we already lived in a quite wasteful world didn't you?

Well I guess is either that or don't clean your teeth or use deodorant in between flights. Next thing ya know air travel smelling like TTC in rush hour.

Here's two ideas if you want to make some money now. One come up with a one application tube of toothpaste and a one application deodorant. Maybe the deodorant can be like a stick of chewing gum and you just unwrap it and plaster it under your arms. I don't know that might work. Second money making idea is to invest in Colgate cause when Toothpaste buying increase stock going up.

Oh well and ya dun know this is probably just a start in terms of travel precautions. Next thing you know they will be saying as an additional precaution no liquids in your checked in bags at all.


Wha is dat he say? No liquids in my carry on bag? Wuhloss West Indian people fainting left, right and centre at the airport. Wait can you carry smelling salts on the plane or is that considered a liquid?

Caribbean travelers blue vex then. " Looka is not dat I worried about the toothpaste or the duty free perfume or anything so but Skippa wha how you mean I cant bring back dese three pet bottles a Ju-C fuh muh sista, de two gallons a sea water fa my mudda in law to wash she bad foot wid, my three bottles of coconut water and de two large Cockspurs and Sugar Cane Brandy fa de fellas? Chupse you mekkin mock sport den. Leff dem where? Hayso on the table wid you? You must feel I is a poppit or something den! Looka I gine cross hayso to the back a de line and drink way all dis first before I check in cause dares not you get my rum and my ju-c and coconut water. ya cud keep the sea water doah."

Serious business that. Air travel done as we know it.

Then if those drastic measures don't stop the terrorism threat you know what the next step will be? First they aint going to let you travel in your own clothes. You will reach the check in counter and they will make you strip and change into something like a medical gown or a plastic raincoat.

Then next step will be all liquids excluded from going on the plane including the ones in ya stomach and bladder. They start giving you concoctions to drink 24 hrs before the flight and telling you not to eat anything before you come to the airport like you going in the hospital for surgery.

Now besides asking if you packed you bag yourself and didn't leave it unattended, they will be asking you did you empty your bladder and stomach before you came to the airport. Dare ya to say no too cause they will rush you off to a lil' room give you some ex-lax or milk of magnesia and force you to empty ya stomach.

Dares not a fella pass any gas at the check in counter too cause they would claim he has biological weapons and deadly gases stored in his chest cavity and stomach and brand him a terrorist quick fast. Next thing ya know a fella at Guantanamo Bay being interrogated under bright lights:
"Who gave you those weapons to put in your stomach?"
"No man it wasn't no weapons is just since I couldn't eat from yesterday I got de lil gas in me chest. De wife gi muh sum tea before I leff home but dat didn't help."
"Ah ha! So the wife is a terrorist too! Is she the mastermind behind this whole plot."
"Well I aint know bout mastermind but she always claiming she smarter dan me."
"Alright then bring her in for questioning."

Lawd ave mercy.

Two years later

Wow time does fly when you're having fun doesn't it? Two years ago I started this blog. Didn't think it'd last past more than three posts to be honest. I mean for a guy who speaks so little who would have thought he'd have so much to write right?

Anyway I was just going to do a normal post something about second hand burkas I saw at a garage sale in my neighborhood on Saturday (seriously I cant actually make this stuff up) and how sometimes western and other cultures just don't blend as seamlessly as we'd like and at the end say oh yea by the way its two years since I started blogging but I figure I always get ridiculed at home for not celebrating occasions so I should actually probably just focus on this two years bit today.

Ok so here we go. Two years of blogging. Whew! Boy do I have a lot of time on my hands to be able to chat so much lawlessness on the internet lol. Actually there is a lot less free time now than there was when I started but somehow I still try and get in a few posts a week.

Actually after two years I'm reminded of Dr Dre's lines on the Watcher "I've seen em come, I've watched em go, Watched em rise, witnessed it and watched them blow, Watched em all blossom and watched em grow". I should be about ready to get my O-G status up in here y'all cause I think its been a challenge to survive two years. Forget a pimp its hard out there for a blogger! Shout outs to dudes like Dr D and Mad Bull who been going on 4 -5 years in this business. Now that's gangsta!

But to get back to this two year thing I must say that this blogging business has been actually quite the study in writing for me cause, and I know most of you bloggers out there know this, you can go through some serious doldrums when you're just not feeling to say or write anything. Seems like I've been in one of those for a while.

I guess its a bunch of things. Been just kind of wondering why I continue to blog and what's the purpose and all that and whether I shouldn't be writing in other mediums or just quit writing cause my writing sucks or what should I really be blogging about, is this too trivial is this too serious, and whether I'm connecting with my audience here and who is my audience here and how come a brother don't be getting a lot of comments all up in this although I know mad folk who claim they read here. Actually as is my tendency I'm probably overthinking the whole blog business. I should just continue to write just to write, you cant write for anyone but yourself. Came to that realization years ago with the poetry bit.

Know something strange about the blogging bit too? Sometimes I go over some of the stuff I wrote and be like did I actually write that? Hmmmm. Just doesn't seem like I could write something like that. Who knew.

Another interesting thing is who reads the blog. You're never sure are you? Folks I expected to read it don't and people you don't expect do but that's part of being in internet territory I think.

Anyway before this gets way too long lets just say its been a pleasure to share with you my readers. Hope you guys have been able to understand some of the craziness I've shared and I haven't bored you way too much. See this blog is kind of crazy cause I really don't have a focus and I've got way too many influences that kind of don't connect at times: hip hop, music in general, Caribbean experiences, crazy ass times in the wacky world of public transit (I could start an entire blog just on that) a warped sense of humor and strange interpretations of everyday events. How does it all come together? Beats the hell out of me.

Must say I've made some good friends in this blogging biz too. Its like a whole other level of internet connection. I feel like I know so many of the bloggers although I've never really met them. There's an interesting study in socialization there somewhere I guess.

And I've also got to say that some of you guys motivate and inspire me with your skill with the written word. Wont call any names but some of you I wish I had your talent and whenever I read a good blog I'm like man I wish I'd thought about that or had been able to articulate on that level but see me, me never copy nuhbody at least not intentionally so I just continue to do my own thing.

In closing, just big respect to people like Kami, Dr D, Mad Bull, Luke Cage, Amadeo, Obi, Princess D, Camp, Brother Buck, my lil sis Lene and all the other bloggers on my bloglist and any who aren't whose work I've checked out. Big up to all my readers in the T-dot and Canada in general, big up to the Canadian bloggers, my readers in the US, England, Worldwide wherever ya at. Respect to all my West Indian crew thanks for coming through. And mad shout outs to all the Caribbean bloggers. I got this issue that there are not enough of us in this medium, which is one of the reason I havent quit yet, so I hope to see our numbers increase as time go by. Don't be shy now.

But wait a minute I just realize somebody might be out there thinking "Chupse! But look at he doah. He bigging up the whole world like he got 50 billion people reading he in circulation like the New York Times when truthfully um is only like 5 people duz read this stupid blog when the day come. He Jdid like he feel he big ya kno! See dat is wha duz happen when sum a dem fellas feel dem reach. Chupse. He juss get two years under he belt now and feel he big. Doan mind he fa true. "

Anyway regardless of how many read, be it 10 or 10000, thanks to all of you out there in cyberspace who visit the site. Cant make any promises but maybe I'll be able to celebrate 3 years with you next year Inshallah.

And hey what would a Jdid post be if it wasn't too long :-)

Have you ever

Stood in a line waiting at a bank or a government office or some business place and secretly hoping that the fates align you with a certain service person? Like either you see a cool looking person behind the desk handling their business efficiently or you see a fine lady or gent (if ya is a woman) or you see a complete moron who taking forever to do the smallest transaction and you praying you don't end up dealing with him.

Well like this morning I had to go run an errand, 4 service people and I was probably number 7 or 8 in line. One nice looking sista was one of the service people and I was there hoping even praying that she was the one to deal with me. Why? Just because man, cheese on wunnah gotta know everything :-). Alright fine its because she did look pleasant not hard screw and vex up like some of the other service people. Ya satisfied now?

Anyways so she dealt with one person and then came back for another and my hopes were crushed. But looking at the guy she was handling I knew that was going to be a quick transaction or so I hoped. Now one person left in line ahead of me. Ok another server is available so that takes care of the fella ahead of me. My turn next and just as I figure the sista finished with the guy in record time. Alright then, today is my lucky day. Just waiting on her to call me then!

But what happen? Cha! The other server dilly dally around and aint make no attempt to call the guy ahead of me so the sista called them over. Drats I've been foiled again. And almost as soon as she got those guys the other screw faced server now play he ready for customers again and call me. Chupse!

A so it a go!

And the winner is.....

You aint nuttin but a teaser
A dirty dirty teaser

Teaser - Beckett


Oh wait y'all were waiting on me to post about Caribana right? Well sorry to tease you on Friday and have to disappoint you today but I didn't make it to the parade. Combination of Bum knee, wasn't feeling the vibe this year and slept in kind of late and wasn't motivated to leave home to go all the way down Lakeshore in the afternoon. Sounds like they had a great drama free parade though so respect due. Will have to ask my bredren what the costumes were like.

I did go to the Pan Alive show Friday night though. My boys Afropan came second in both the competition and bomb tune sections. Unlike last year I have no problems with the decision though. Pan Fantasy deserved to win. Thought the kids with Jesse Kethum should have placed higher than 5th though. As for Afro don't worry we is still the all time winninest steel band in the T-dot so no worries we coming back strong and after my hiatus this year I'll be back playing next year.

But yep sorry I didn't make the Caribana parade this year. I could have been down the Lakeshore overwhelming my sense of sight and sound listening to the sweet sounds of soca, pan and rhythm beat out on iron, and the sights of beautifully vibrant costumes and women but instead Jdid decided to overload his sense of taste by going to an event a little closer to home. Yep that's right folks Scarborough Ribfest in Thompson park.


After all when I was growing up in Barbados this big food expert lady Carmeta Fraser had this slogan "food comes first" so see me I aint one to forget what my elders teach me as a yout so I must follow their commands.

Who I really trying to fool though? I guess I reaching that age where I putting me belly first. Forget all dem gal in the teeny weeny costume man looking for something more satisfying like Ribs and I aint talking bout no bony woman. I mean ribs you can eat.

Let me tell you guys about Ribfest. Pork fa days then! I mean I aint know how many pigs were killed to satiate the masses but it had to be a good few hundred if not thousands.

Anyway the place was packed, the ribbers (the barbeque makers) were out in abundance and the ribees (the people there to eat ribs. I just mek that one up) was a plenty too.

Went over wid me partner and his wife and we decide we going judge best ribs for ourselves. We on a mission like Special Ed.

So first thing first which Ribbers we testing? Rule one, American ribbers only! Yea man I know that sound bad and unpatriotic but think about it, you want to eat ribs from men from North Bay Ontario that does only got half a month of summer or you want to eat ribs from fellas from Florida or Texas that duz be barbecuing outside even on Christmas morning in their shorts? As I see it practice makes perfect so anybody that come from a warm weather area should know more about barbeque than people that live in the cold.

So for once I will admit that Americans got we beat in something and I defer to their expertise in the barbeque area. It aint nuh disgrace to Canadians is just we weather don't permit a fella to be barbecuing 24-7 and developing that sort of expertise.

All right then!

So we narrow down the Championship contenders to a trio with long lines and nuff winning banners and trophies placed strategically in their setups. True they could have been fooling us but well we had to decide somehow.

In the end it came down to Florida, Kansas City and Alabama and after toying with the idea of trying the chicken or the brisket or the pulled pork we just decided to stick to the basics...Ribs.

So we split up and hit the long lines to get some ribs. Kansas City had the longest and slowest line. Hmmm that might be a sign right there that those guys have some good barbeque. Alabama took the ribs and "run it through the mud" meaning to add extra sauce and Florida well Florida was the faster of the three lines and claimed they use some special citrus business in their sauce so we would have to see how that taste.

In front of us ribbers busy turning ribs, spreading sauce and cutting up multiple racks of ribs for consumption. Quite a sight for any raving carnivore like myself. Um Um good!

So after about 15 minutes we had three plates of ribs (and nuff nuff napkins) spread out in front a we. Time for the judging. We going Taste, Appearance and Sauce.

Appearance first. The Alabama ribs looked nice and juicy with a thick honey brown glaze giving them some shine. This running in the mud thing gave them the edge. We give them first place for appearance, Kansas 2nd, Florida bringing up the rear.

Taste. The Florida ribs are surprisingly juicy, good flavor too. Alabama ups the game though. Yeaaaa Haa!! Those good ol boys sure know them some barbeque. Soft, succulent, mouth watering good! Unfortunately the Kansas city flavor disappoints compared to the other two. Such is life.

Sauce. Once again Alabama on top.

Time to test again just to make sure. So 20 minutes and three big styrofoam containers of ribs later a winner emerged.

And the winner is .......Alabama. So if you're going to ribfest today or tomorrow Jdid and company endorse the Alabama ribbers. Just ask them to run it through the mud for ya!

Ok now I'm done, Going to go back into my swine coma right now. Lawd ave mercy! Meat overload!

Is pure lettuce and water for the rest of the week.

Caribana Again!

Yep its that time of year again. Caribana aka "the why do 2 million black men cruise Yonge St on friday night trying to pick up clearly under age chicks, whose parents should whoop their asses for being out in such skimpy outfits so late at night, while running from gun shots and getting harassed by po po" festival or "the Weekend when canadian cats have to pretend to be American to get any play from Canadian women weekend" festival. lol.

Once again no idea how this one is going to turn out with the route changes and the usual drama that surrounds the weekend. Not even sure I'm going to reach the parade tomorrow but if I do I'll come back with some more photos like these for you guys. One love.

Dope or Dogfood?

The hip hop heads will get the reference.

Ever since Ben Johnson in Seoul 88 I've kind of gotten used to the fact that some if not a majority of our sportsmen are doping up, using some sort of enhancing drug, to take them to the next level. Its gotten to a stage where I wonder who the next big name to test positive or to be scrutinized as having used drugs will be. When someone does test positive its almost like an "ah ha I knew he was too good to be true!" moment and I wonder how some of the others who test negative consistently continue to beat the system.

Who's using the Juice? Who's got the Juice and I'm not talking about Bishop or GQ here or even a bronco riding O.J.

Everyone is a suspect.

Seems like with the level of competition and the rewards, cash, endorsements, prestige, glamour and glitz (Some are preoccupied with glamour and glitz, actin all bougie and making big movies) associated with excelling in certain sporting arenas you're almost seen as a the exception not to take some sort of substance to get better.

"So what you on hops dope or dogfood?"

No I'm not advocating steroid use I'm just saying if steroids and using drugs has become so common place that it almost seems like you're first impression is that an athlete is using instead of he isn't. The playing field isn't level anymore and it seems like in order to compete, keep up with the Joneses so to speak, no pun intended, one needs to play the same game they do.

So did Landis and Gatlin cheat? Hmmm I don't know. I hope not but that's me being naive again. I aint no Guru but as he said "Fallen heroes are zeroes" so The Question remains.

And as a die-hard sports fan I got to say the whole steroid, illegal substance business is killing me slowly. Up until it started getting publicity I was a naive little sports fan who figured I was cheering on all natural talent but as the years have gone by and more and more sportsmen have been caught I must say I'm feeling more tainted than a Slum Village joint.

Its like when you were a kid and believed that Wrestlers actually fought real fights and really beat the crap out of each other, lashed each other with chairs, got up put each other in secret coma inducing grips, traded punches and still at the end the winner looked like they could go another half hour in the ring.

Yea I used to believe that sprinters ran under 10 seconds without drugs or baseball players could hit hundreds of home runs without injections, that human growth serum was some sort of secret portion from the comics like the kind Henry Pym used to turn into Giant Man or that supplements were vitamins that your mom gave you every morning with your juice and cereal so you could grow up strong and healthy not needles that you got your homie to stick in your thigh in the locker room.

Juicing was squeezing piece of orange on one of those little round things in the morning and I thought "the cream" was something you put on your skin to stop yourself from looking ashy. Definitely had no idea what "the clear" was either although if somebody say "the clear one" I would have known them mean somebody who "fair skinned".

I was simple enough back then to think it was only big "man-looking" woman from Eastern Europe and China with facial hair and big deep bass voices that was dealing in this enhancing drug business. When woman look big, square and obzocky and can throw a truck at a fella from cross by the corner shop like she name She-Hulk it was then that I wondered about drugs. Yea man she must be using one a them things with a name that end in lone or rone or ine and zine. Look at she why she looks more of a man than me or you.

Never thought of sprinters or swimmers or baseball players or cyclists as the ones on the drugs. They just looked like normal cats.

But that was back when I was an innocent sports fan and believed that everyone was natural. Back when I would have believed Landis' and Gatlin's stories without blinking cause they were innocent until proven guilty. It was clearly a mistake they said and I would have believed them at face value.

Now? I'm more skeptical. Blame BALCO, Andro, Bonds, McGuire, Canseco, Tim Montgomery, CJ Hunter and the rest. Seen too many positive tests, too many apologetic athletes, too many I'm not sure what they were giving me or what my trainer rubbed on me or I thought it was olive oil or sesame seed oil or flax seed oil or it was in my cold medicine excuses. How can you seriously believe these cats when the average athlete knows more chemistry than a second year pharmacy student?

Oh well judge not less yea shall be judged they say so I guess I'll reserve my skepticism and just watch and see what the fallout will be.

Pity about Gatlin though, his rep is shot regardless. I kind of liked him too as he seemed to be one of the less knuckleheaded, big headed sprinters around.

Flier than a Flyer

You see, I'm flier than a flyer to a hip-hop jam

Fly MC - Special Ed

For the Toronto crew another Afropan blocko this weekend at the Afropan panyard, 1 Jefferson Ave (off King east of Dufferin) just south of Lamport Stadium. Features an evening of pan including the aforementioned Afropan along with other top Toronto steel pan groups like Pan Fantasy, Panatics and Silhouettes. Should start around 5ish I'd say. Did I mention it was FREE yep key word that free business.

But anyways promoting this little thing here got me thinking about some other promotion I did last year. Was doing a favor for some people and I end up as a designated Flyer guy outside an event.

Yea a flyer guy, you know the dudes that stand outside the jam and try to beg you to take a piece of paper into your hands as you leave the fete. Yea boy one a those guys.

So see me last year outside this venue trying to convince, read beg, patrons who were leaving as that event wound down to come over to our little FREE event down the road. Again key word free.

Well people let me tell you, I see people sending around email about worse jobs out there and showing men cleaning out elephant crap and sewers and that sort of business but I have to tell you Flyer guy has to be up there with the worse occupations in the world.

Why?

People just don't like flyers and they just don't like anyone trying to hand them a flyer whether you push it at them or even if you are the most courteous about handing them out that you can be. From the time they realize you standing up with your flyers ready to hand out their faces duz set up like rain start fall. People getting blue vex like you is the tax man tekking money from them instead of an innocent fella giving them something for free.

When you have flyers in your hand, people blatantly ignore you, tell you to carry ya bleeping bleep from roun dem, look at you like ya begging them for money, stupse at ya, tell you they aint have time for you, tek the flyers and fling them at ya, and give you some looks that duz mek ya feel less than a human being. Lawd ave mercy!

And I think I can safely say that guys are a little more receptive to receiving flyers. A guy will probably take it, take a quick peek and then dash it way if he aint interested or stick it in his pockets if he is. Women on the other hand......oh gosh don't get me started.

Maybe its because they look or they feel they looking nice, in they nice outfits, skirt match bag matching high heels and hair and all that business, that they feel that the flyer man shouldnt give them a flyer. Like them feel they is queen and you is beggar on the street "pardon mum can you spare a shilling?" or something like that. Women coming out a venue on seeing a Flyer man in their path will give you some cut eye, some you not worth the effort, some I know I better than you so move from in front a me looks that will make a man feel like he is piece of chewing gum to be scrubbed off the bottom of their shoe. Dissed and Dismissed!

Mek man feel like him should pull out resume and prove that he just doing this thing on the side and that he really aint a high school drop out and him have job and bank account and dreams and aspirations and that sort of business. Serious serious they duz look down on you like dirt and you duz feel like you need to redeem yourself somehow as you holding the flyer. Maybe you should pull out framed diploma and hold it in the next hand to mek them know that like Jesse say You are somebody and they shouldn't look on you like dog do do.

Cuhdear!

So with that experience I nominate Flyer guy as one of the worse jobs out there.
--------

On another note just wish to say that a great lady has passed. Louise Bennett Coverley aka Miss Lou a pioneer in the field of Caribbean storytelling in we own words, none of this prim and proper exact English business, storytelling the way we duz talk, we words, we patois, we dialect died yesterday in Toronto. Clap Har! Thanks for paving the way Miss Lou. Rest in Peace!

Afri-centric

Some day last week this article jumped out at me on the front page of the Toronto Star. In case the link dies or you choose not to read it its about the implementation of an "Africentric" curriculum at certain schools in Toronto.

Now I'll be honest my first thoughts when I hear about these special programs for Black students is why is all of this necessary? Its probably definitely a bias on my part since I figure hey I grew up learning more British history than Caribbean history and it didn't negatively affect me why cant these black kids here deal with the teaching system and just put their best foot forward and do what they can do.

But then I realize like I said its a bias on my part. I haven't been through this Canadian school system so I cant shouldn't make direct comparisons. Plus from the statistics offered it just seems as if there is something lacking here as too many of our black youth are falling by the wayside. Of course this could be due to attitudes, systems, parents, teachers, society and a host of other factors but hey we need to get these kids back on track and we need to start somewhere. I guess if Afri-centric programs can save some of them then hey I say more power to them and lets get it going full speed.

The part of the article that threw me for a loop though was this section:

And we're looking at a data-management unit that would use statistics about police and racial profiling

A who with a what? Ok is this only disturbing to me? I don't know about y'all but to me this just sounds like the draft for a bad Chappell show skit. I'm all for the Africentric curriculum but ummm just leave the race stats and police profiling out of math class please. I'm just imagining questions like "Over the past 5 weeks Lil Johnny has been harassed by Po Po 8, 10,5, 3 and 12 times. What is the likelihood that Lil Johnny will be harassed by Po Po more than 6 times this week?"

Ok so it probably wont be stuff like that but still I just find it a bit disturbing to have a stats course featuring racial profiling stats and I also question how or whether that is going to encourage black kids to study harder or put in a greater effort in stats class. I mean the point was to use stuff the kids are familiar with to help them learn right? But shouldn't it be stuff that they like to learn about? Yea maybe the kids are familiar with racial profiling but I'm sure they don't want to be dealing with the stats in math class. Shouldn't the stuff that the kids are familiar with be something positive not something negative?

I know I'd be right pissed if I was in stats class and we were calculating how often police stop black men while driving or how often blacks were arrested for minor crimes compared to other races. Man a couple of hours dealing with that and I'd be about as upset as I was when I left the movies after watching Rosewood.

I hope these folks realize that sometimes in trying you can go just a bit too far in attempting to incorporate this whole Africentric stuff in the curriculum and sorry I just don't see how that helps anyone.



p.s: For those interested HiphopQuotables been updated.

Gone in 60 words

or less!

My good sistren Abeni over at And still I rise challenged me to write a 60 word story. Something about my posts being always long. Well then! Here we go!
---------------------------

The jingle of keys.
Click!
"Meow?"
"Shhhhhhhh stupid cat!"
A pause.
Silence followed by a soft continuous creaking.
An animal screams!
"Wha de? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
The sound of tumbling.
Bruggadown!
"Uhhhhhhh"
"What's going on down there?"
"Nothing Dear."
Lights go on.
"Oh Michael why must you always trip over the cat on the stairs when you come home drunk?"
--------------------

There you have it, excuse me while I stand here chilling in my b-boy stance. And I'm ghost!

I remember

Ol time sumting come back agin!

I remember those days when .......

I was a little boy living in Barbados going to primary school. See me there with me short, bony self in some khaki short pants and khaki shirt. That was uniform, neatly pressed or sometimes starched along with some nice brown or black leather shoes that I used to polish up on the weekend with the kiwi shoe polish and a old piece of rag. Added to that was the khaki socks held in place on skinny shins with elastic bands. Oh and don't forget me with my hair part or my little afro cause my father didn't like cutting my hair too often.

Anyway see me dey not a care in the world. Is just school, run bout and talk foolishness to deal with. Yea we had to study for big Common Entrance exam to go high school but still no worries is only de parents that worried that you get into the 'right' school and thinking about your future an all that nonsense. All we children, like 8 or 9 years old, thinking bout is nothing so serious at all so. We just living life, pitching marbles, playing football, running up and down the school field trying to grow up and get big. We figure well the set above we pass common entrance, some for good schools, some for not so good but well them didn't look too much brighter than we so we should do just as well right? Sounded like good logic to our small brains true?

Oh boy and yea now we talking about pitching marbles boy I remember those days when....

We used to play 'killa' and other marble games. Marbles was like 5 or 10 cents each so every boy had about a good 3 or 4 at least. The glass ones were nice and very common but we liked the ones that look like real marble betta cause they were more expensive and a bit rarer. Pretty pretty white marbles with the little swirls of red or blue or green. Yes boy I want some a dem! We playing marbles like is pool without a stick or golf without the club no? Set up a starting line and aim for the hole and try to make it in 2 or 3 shots like them golf man that shoot birdies and eagles, albatrosses and bogeys. But what we local boys know about birdies and eagles is only black bird and wood dove we seeing round we. Naa star is marbles we playing man.

The aim is to get to the hole so you can be a killa and then mek the odda fellas run roun the place and hit/kill their marbles one by one till you win. Watch we in the dirt, all over the dusty ground or standing with one eye closed aiming to take a serious shots. Flick that thumb and brax marble lik! Spawning off distance between marbles, calculating angles and rotating the shot like pivoting on the basketball court, setting up what seemed like impossible kill shots and more brax! Looka that. Haw haw looka that man marble crack! It used to be round now big piece chip off and marble useless. Sometimes we even play if ya win ya get the other man marbles. Little boy gambling I guess but we never see it as anything so although you used to wonder why ya mudda would get so vex if she find out ya playing for marbles. We would chalk it up to just another of those things children do that parents get vex at for no logical reason.


But anyway.....

That was at break and lunch time. During school time we behave like all school children......try to get away with things when we can if not behaving we self. Yea boy cant let the teacher see you behaving bad at all. Must behave yaself at school if not is a good cut ass in ya backside in class and maybe another one when ya reach home. Teacher scary too cause teacher have ruler, leather belt, strap and bamboo taller than you to use as Weapons of Ass Destruction (WAD) looking to target any rude boy that misbehave. No matter how much a rude boy ya was you could pretend but that bamboo used to bring tears to ya eyes so was serious fear of that instrument.


Yes I! I remember those days when ....

Well one day in particular. I Remember teacher maulsprig almost the whole class over one math question. Wasn't the hardest question, wasn't the simplest question either but by the time the four people in the front row miss and get it wrong and get liks everybody too frighten to even remember the answer if they did know it previously.

I Remember her saying something like 'Wha wrong wid wunnah? My 5 year old at home could answer this question. This is simple. How you going pass common entrance if you cant answer this?'

That time all we feel we big at like 8 or 9 so to compare we to a 5 year old is pure embarrassment and shame plus we living in fear as she goes from bench to bench sharing liks with the big dry flexible bamboo.

And is not like the teacher woman was small either ya know. Woman a good 5'7" or 5'8" and solid, solid, solid. Must be a good 250lbs plus but know how to use that weight to advantage. Arms big, big like leg ham and when she flex that bamboo and that bamboo descend is like serious serious physics business a gwan. Mass times acceleration and transfer of energy kinetic to energy potential to "behind sore" energy leaving you in distress. All ya hearing as ya bend over the bench is a woosh! and a pax as the bamboo connects with pants bottom. All wind knock out ya khaki pants and then a few seconds later ya bottom stinging ya. Girl and boy trying not to cry but nuff man a cry me say nuff man a cry cry, bamboo force brings tears to 'im eye.

That stinging of the bamboo wuhloss boy! Serious thing that.

And so the teacher went on and on from row to row sharing out liks like Bajan politicians sharing out corn beef and biscuits come election time. Ruthless and efficient she was moving down the line. What is the answer? All most could muster was a blank stare cause we felt that guessing and answering wrong might be worse than not answering at all. Whoosh, pax! Another man down. Next!

Everybody get a share. Man face set up, eyes red, eyes water, man a cry bucket a tears but yet the carnage continues. Till one man without a clue but figuring lemma guess and hope for the best step up and guess an answer. What do you know he was right. Save like the last two rows from distress.

All I can say is a good thing I used to sit at the very back.

What women want

If only one could throw a block called emotion into the enormous chasm that separates the sexes. If that was possible maybe we might understand each other better. Maybe it is possible who am I to say. All I know is that men and women are different and one of the major differences is in emotional responses.

'Cause I'm so sick of love songs , so tired of tears, so done with wishing you were still here.....'

I'm not that big on r'n'b aside from a few female artists with some soul in their voices but I confess I actually like the words to Neyo's so sick. Yea usually r'n'b for me is about complaining about whose beat they jacked, which rapper will hit the remix with tight rhymes and can dude or sista girl actually sing without getting too deep into the lyrics but something about "So sick" yea I'm kinda feeling that joint.

Driving across the 401 singing the first verse to the song I was asked by my wife why I liked the song. I don't know I replied its just the way its put together I guess. Its almost poetic. But its so unlike you she said cause you know you'd never do something like that. Yea that's true but that doesn't mean I cant like the song.

Anyway a brother figured these comments were some underlying dig about my emotion or lack of emotion going on. A conversation ensued and I came to some realizations somewhat afterwards which may or may not be flawed but whatever I'll share.

Women don't know what they want. Ok that's a silly way to put it. Lets rather say that what women want in a man always seems a lot more complicated than what men want in a woman. I think its because we probably prefer to deal more in absolutes than they do. They comfortably operate in some really grey areas while we prefer black and white.

Woman doh like soft man.

That's what Penguin said in his calypso back in the 80s and why a lot of cats on the prowl out there have this veneer, this machismo, this Plexiglas thug portrayal that they persist with because they have seen it work for other guys. And it does work actually. Think about it. When a lady checks out a guy 9 times out of 10 she'll be first attracted to the cat who portrays that strong, hold it down, confident sometimes to the point of cocky attitude over the more emotional cat. But women always say they want someone who is in touch with their emotions. Still the crying sensitive type only gets the girls in the movies.

Am I the only one getting mixed messages here?

Oh and I should confirm that I've come to the conclusion also that when women say emotions they mean vulnerability and crying. They want to see you shed a few tears if not flat out lose it and bawl like ya mudda dead. Somehow that's sexy or something. It says you are vulnerable and can share your feelings and bare your emotions and apparently that you are strong enough to show them your sensitive side without feeling like it makes you weaker.

So while guys think women want a strong, silent type, hunter gatherer, take charge cat what women also want is a guy who can cry. Oh not saying that women don't want the take charge type cat its just they want one who can also cry. You must have duality be strong when you need to be strong be soft when you need to be. Or so I'm told.

What?

Its like that Friends episode where Rachel was going out with a character played by Bruce Willis. Cat is all android like, wont show any emotion so she sets out to break him and make him cry. It takes awhile but she finally does and then the guy cries ...and cries and cries and he wont stop crying. The flood gates were open and dude just couldn't control his emotions. Then she dumps him because she says he is too emotional.

So all that to say I guess its a thin line and in this dog eat dog, competitive for affections world how are we men supposed to know what the boundaries are? Too much emotion you lose the girl too little the same happens. What's the correct dosage to avoid screwing up?

Beats the hell out of me.

All I know is that crying and vulnerability apparently are good things to show. Hmmm I should really work on that side of my personality.........naa !

"I saw tears in your eyes this week when you had those allergies bothering you so that means your tear ducts actually work"

"Yea maybe they do but that don't mean you going be seeing me crying and bawling down people place like a hired mourner at a west indian funeral anytime soon though."

Of course now I think she sees it as a challenge to break me.

West Indian Restaurants

(Forgive the recent lack of posts.)

Last week I had a serious craving for some West Indian food. At home, we does cook a bit of everything but I just had a taste for something with a lil' Caribbean flavor; some serious rice n peas, pelau, or macaroni pie, some curry goat or stew chicken or something like that.

So eventually I cook up a nice macaroni pie and some fried chicken (complete with trans fats so don't sue muh) and put a good hurting on that food.

Only thing was that I left back two pieces a chicken for the next day and the wife eat them off at lunch and when a hungry, tired man like de I reach home after work mouth salivating at the thoughts of digging into my chicken what greet me but the empty plastic container staring back at me from the sink. Cuhdear talk about let down then! Dat nuh right! My craving for West Indian food was still not completely fulfilled and I just didn't feel like cooking no more. Cho!

Oh well so I decide I would have to reach one of the numerous West Indian restaurants in Toronto sometime soon to satisfy my craving later that week.

West Indian restaurants in Toronto you say? Yes man is plenty, plenty West Indian restaurants we have here in the T-dot. Yardie food, Trini food, Bajan food, Guyanese food you name it we have it but most of the typical spots tend to be the little Roti shops and those little hole in the wall Jamaican places whose staples are Jerk chicken, Curry Goat and Ox tail.

Not that the food not good in those places I just saying most of the West Indian places around Toronto are of the no frills variety, nothing fancy.

Now like other types of restaurants when dealing with West Indian restaurants you have your good, your bad and your ugly. I aint calling no names cause I don't want to diss nobody for them to come looking to say I give their business bad name and they want to beat me up. No sah I frighten fa my skin!

Same way I aint want to big up no specific place cause nobody aint give Jdid money to mention their name on my blog. Although I will big up the fella that used to sell Roti down in Kensington Market back in the day as the best Roti I taste in Toronto. He shop shut down years back so I will make an exception and give he a mention.

Anyway like I was saying plenty plenty West Indian restaurants in Toronto and I would say that the experiences I've had in them run the gamut from your usual, typical restaurant experiences to some "But wait these people really running a business?" type moments.

Oh the stories I could tell. Like the one about the place that just never seemed to have beers on Friday night even though they knew for certain that every Friday a big bunch of us Caribbean men would be liming there for a couple of hours playing dominoes. You would think in a case like that where it was certain they would sell a fair amount of alcohol and knowing that alcohol is where restaurants tend to make a little profit that they would have something waiting for us but nooo.

Or the one about the fella that sell we the chicken Roti one night and how the curry was sweet sweet sweet. Only problem was ....... well you guys have heard of boneless chicken roti well his was meatless chicken roti. Every bite was pure bone. No exaggeration! So much snap crackle and pop business going on that the Rice Crispie fellas nearly threaten we for infringement of copyright.

Or the story about the place with the whole wheat festival which had a man well offset cause I accustom to dealing with white flour when it come to bakes, festival and dem sorta business. I guess them musse think I worried about trans fats cause whole wheat festival and bakes just don't taste the same as the regular ones. chupse!

Or the one about the place that tell the lady they didn't make the special of the day that particular day cause they just didn't feel like it that day.

Or my favorite West Indian restaurant story where the two non-west indian ladies were all bubbly and order off big load a food; rice n peas, jerk chicken, plan-tain like they know what they doing and then after a little whispered discussion a few minutes later call back the waitress and say "umm we were wondering what exactly is rice n peas?" True true story that, even a fella with my imagination couldn't make that up.

No boy too many stories to tell, we would be here for days.

No let me not go there and let me just give you a few of my simple rules and observations about West Indian restaurants and leave it at that.

Observation one: The fancier the establishment the worse the food usually is. Its like there has to be a trade off of decor for seasoning in the pot when it comes to West Indian places. So usually a hole in the wall, take out only spot where somebody auntie from the country cooking in a dutch pot in the back can be counted on to bring the real flavor while the nice sit down fancy drinks with umbrellas, nice tropical paint up, bob marley playing in the background playing places aint as good.

Oh and on that note if the menu doesn't have on any sort of Kola champagne, Ting, Solo, Busta, Grace or any sorta drink from the Caribbean so on the menu and is pure Pepsi and Sprite ya seeing well boy dem naa ready yet so nuh bodda wid dem.

Observation two: If you walk into the place and is pure non-west indians in the place eating something wrong. They aint cooking authentic food, they cooking for delicate palates, they watering down the food and if you want the real experience of West Indian food that place is not for you. Actually same observation holds for any sort of so-called ethnic food. If you go in a Indian restaurant and aint see no Indians or a Chinese restaurant and aint see no Chinese break north son, break north.

Observation three: Never go into a West Indian restaurant if you are starving and want food in a hurry cause you will most likely die of hunger while waiting. I aint saying all the service always slow or bad all the time its just that its a gamble as to what the service is going t be like so don't press your luck thinking cause yesterday you got your meal in 5 minutes that today is going to be the same. Today you might be lucky to get your meal within 40 minutes.

Sometimes ya duz butt up on some screw face young waitress that really feel that she doing you a favor by taking your order and who vex cause she was busy doing nothing until you come in and wake her up and make her do work for her wages. She face set up , she hands a kimbo and she would like to chupse at ya but she know you might complain to the boss so instead she just giving you a lil cut eye. Naa ok I'm being a bit facetious but sometimes you just get the feeling that West Indian restaurants are not businesses that want your business. Like is as if you the customer begging a favor by buying food from them. Not all now is only some of them but is quite a few of the some of them if you follow me.

Observation number 4: Just like number three this one is about consistency but only in this time with regards to the food. Consistency! Not sure about this but is like at certain places the pot does have a different taste depending on what time of day or day in the week you go to a restaurant. Maybe the regular cook show up late or forget to add salt or add too much salt or whatever but sometimes you sit and wonder if the food you eating prepared by the same fella that cook yesterday.

Observation number 5: actually this is more like a rule. For the uninitiated a usual rule of thumb for me with West Indian restaurants is to first try the Jerk Chicken. My thoughts are if you cant get the Jerk Chicken right how am I supposed to trust you to do cook something more complex like curry goat, ox tail or stew chicken? I lie?

Anyway those were just some random rules and observations I felt to share today. Still through all the complaints and stuff I will still support anyone that can cook a good West Indian meal even though I may not understand the rationale behind some of those who run West Indian restaurants.

Actually though to be honest I think its all becoming clear to me because a few weeks ago I finally unearthed the secret doctrine of West Indian resturanteurs in Toronto and quite likely worldwide.

I went into one of my current favorites late one evening just before closing time. Nice friendly staff, cant really complain about the service and very authentic food. The staff was sorting me out with some curry goat when another customer came in wanting curry goat. Well sadly I had ordered the last of it as it was only about 15 minutes before closing so the other customer was out of luck. The customer was a little upset and her face start push up when the server started offering her some other eating options.

"We 'ave curry chicken left and it nice ya kno"

"But I really wanted some curry goat" she said

To which the server dropped the line which I personally feel is a major part of the West Indian restaurant mantra; "My lady is not about what you want its about what we 'ave."

And in more raptors news

They just traded Charlie V. That's the first thing I saw this morning. Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn! Not only did they trade Charlie V but they just traded him for a dude in T.J Ford who spent a hell of alot of time on the injury list in the last two seasons.

I'm sorry but the Colangelo luster is wearing off with me. The Bargnani draft could go either way but in Charlie V we had a cat who in his rookie season proved that he could play with the big dogs. I mean he had a 48 point game at one point for pete sake.

Plus Charlie V was a fan and Toronto favorite. Why trade him? Ok so we needed a point guard but Charlie V for T.J Ford? Is the situation that desperate?

This is upsetting to me. Where can I go and vent about this trade. How do you trade a guy with Charlie V's potential and worth for a question mark like T.J Ford? Is Colangelo trying to clean house of every pick made by his predecessor? If I was Joey Graham I'd start packing now. The Raptors are putting a hell of a lot of faith in this Italian guy Bargnani. What's next are we going to trade Bosh for a bag of magic beans and start building around Bargnani?

Ok so no Charlie V and most likely no Mike James next year, a questionable draft pick in my opinion, Nesterovich for Bonner and we did rid ourselves of 'Hoffa' but pardon me didn't our offense get worse while our defense hasn't really improved. If the new NBA is going to fit a run and gun Phoenix style of play where the best defense is a good offense how can you lose two of your better offensive players in James and Charlie V and be better?

All I'm saying is Colangelo is betting the farm on Bargnani aka "Il Mago" and the price he paid for TJ Ford is too much. I really hope Chris Bosh buys into Colangelo's deal because if not we're going to have another Vince situation and Bosh will be out of here cause we haven't really improved this team.

Oh well the Raps are under the cap and the wheeling and dealing aint over most likely. Still Charlie V proved himself NBA caliber and him and Bosh made a great combo on the floor. I hope he lights up the Raptors for 30 plus points everytime we play Milwaukee and oh wait a minute didn't we just make another team in our conference stronger? Great way to strive for the playoffs. In the immortal words of Red Foreman the Raptors are a 'dumbass'.

Yea if the Raptors actually do well this year I'll have to eat all my words but to me this trade sucks! I'm just waiting till Bargnani turns into a bust, TJ Ford drops down with an injury and Bosh starts talking about wanting to win a championship and how management isnt doing anything to progress, that should start oh I dont know maybe two three months after he signs his big mega million dollar max contract this summer.

So long Charlie V good luck in Milwaukee. I'm a cheer for ya.

Please don't screw up

Last year a brother got philosophical on the NBA draft. Boy was I wrong on that Villenueva pick by the Raptors but hey at least I didn't go off like Stephen A Smith when the Raptors made that pick. Villenueva really worked to disprove the naysayers, myself included, and came second in the rookie of the year balloting which isn't bad for a number 7 pick. So yea last year that #7 pick worked out for the Raptors although it doesn't make up for past draft failures like Araujo, Michael Bradley and Aleksandar Radojevic.

But this year the Toronto Raptors have the number 1 pick tomorrow! Why couldn't this have happened the year Lebron was available? Oh well cant complain #1 is #1 right? Well not exactly especially this year where there are no franchise players or no consensus pick for the top spot.

What should we expect? I'm not sure I'm just begging that they don't mess up. Yea mess up in a Kwame Brown, Michael Olawakandi type of number 1 pick mess up because oh man I really don't think this franchise or this city can handle another big let down.

Still there is room for optimism. New year, new general manager, Bryan Colangelo. Dude came into town with a big rep for making power moves. A new more capable general manager, an anti-Babcock(our former GM). Colangelo had remade Phoenix into an NBA powerhouse and given his first two trades in Toronto its looking promising. Got to give props to anyone who can trade Araujo after all. So yea I live in hope as a Raptors fan that I wont be embarrassed on draft day or soon after as our pick again becomes a bust.

Now on to the fun stuff........ Jdid's predictions also known as what the Raptors will do the opposite of.

Seems like the Raptors are really big on this Italian fellow Bargnani, supposedly the next Dirk Nowitzski. Its been all Bargnani this and Bargnani that since the announcement of us getting the top pick so its highly likely we'll draft him although he's a power forward and oh in Bosh and Villenueva we already have two of the top young PFs in the league. Hmmm do I smell a trade in the winds.

Look far be it for me to say that Bargnani wont be a good pick but..... lets look at the young European cats who have come into the league in the past decade or so. Only three of them Nowitzski, Gasol and Parker have actually become stars in the league. Ok my bad four if you count Peja but still the odds are kind of high that a European dude who has been hyped like there is no tomorrow will be a bust. Can you say Darko Milicic? Can you say Nikoloz Tskitishvili? No? Well actually I cant either but yea Tski whatever his name is was supposed to be a superstar too and how many of y'all have heard of him now after over 3 years in the league. Yea exactly!

Do you really want to take this Bargnani guy with the number one pick? Maybe if we trade down but number 1? Come on now.

So what are the other choices? Well if we keep number 1 I say it comes down to Rudy Gay vs LaMarcus Aldridge. If Aldridge can turn into a bonafied centre I'm all for it but from reports he seems like Chris Bosh lite so ummm yep you heard it here first I'm going with Rudy Gay. That's the officially Jdid number 1 pick if I was Raptors GM.

Yep Gay had a Villenueva type college year of underachieving at Uconn this year so his stock has dropped but dude is 6-9 and can shoot, defend and slash. Upside baby upside! Plus we had so much success with Villenueva that its made me a believer in Uconn players. Actually Uconn is getting a Carolina style rep for the players its producing. Quality players; Ray Allan, Richard Hamilton, Okafor, Ben Gordon and if we pretend that Khalid El-Amin never happened its like they never had a draft bust.

So there you have it. Rudy Gay NBA number 1 pick by the Raptors tomorrow if Jdid was GM.

Of course now that I've said it and endorsed it it just wont happen so all I can ask the Raptors is please don't embarrass me with your pick tomorrow.