Twit-ter

twit! - A foolishly annoying person

twitter - blogging for twits perhaps? or just blogging for people with little to say. I'm just asking. I mean I don't really have any beef here, I refer to twitter at various point as mobile myspace, the perfect stalking tool or a tool used to make the mundane exciting, plus I think the machine is secretly just trying to make us comfortable with giving out way too much information so it can get as much info on us as possible to perfect its artificial intelligence but whatever! Yea I watch too much Sarah Connors Chronicles so what!

Dear God I wonder can you save me.
Illuminati want my mind, soul and my body

Still it is rather interesting to watch the procession, from blogging to myspace to facebook to twitter. Now we never ever have to communicate with anyone face to face again if we don't want to or send personal messages cause we can share with everyone one time at the press of a button. That should save us time but then again we'll need more time to do important things like checking status updates and twits from the hundreds of celebrities we're following online and "friends" who we met once in a drunken stupor in a bar two years ago.

We're making more connections but less lasting ones perhaps. The word friend has been diluted beyond belief. By the way that's not saying you cant make real lasting friendships online cause you can.

Oh well enough of a rant today. I'll stick to real blogging and leave the twits alone. I just really wanted to say that I wonder if the twitter-ers realize what that root word twit means.

Revenge of the Swine

also called How swine flu started as narrated by Jdid the pork prophet and seer to the swine.


And so it is written in the second book of Pork-etry chapter 9 beginning at verse 3.

Chapter 9.
3. For blessed are the ham makers, and those that bring home the bacon.
4. And let all those who have snouts rejoice for verily the day will come when those who have risen up against them will be rewarded justly or unjustly an eye for each eye plucked and a rib for each delicious barbecue rib not devoured.
5. but beware of pigs who sniffle and are congested
6. For it is written that they have rebuked thee and chastised thee out of jealousy because of the sweetness of thine meat for it is known that thou art the chosen of the lord and have been made the sweetest of all meats on earth but from hence the swine flu will be a great leveller and will bring them back to the fold.
7. For it shall seek out those who have continually borne false witness against thee and have downpressed and forced thee to wallow in unclean swill these many years. Naa they shall finally see the light and they shall be judged for their sins against thee.
8. Neither the tender lambs of the fields, the bovine of the stables or birds of the sky ie geese, chicken etc shall inherit the earth with thee but they shall perish on the plates of the McDonalds and KFC, their endings a tasteless testament to your greatness.

and continuing in Chapter 11

7. And behold it came to pass in the year of our Lord 2009, there arose a great uproar from the multitude of swine.
8. And they were filled with anger and much wrath.
9. For they had been castigated and pilloried for many a day, indeed many a season, indeed almost from the beginning of time.
10. So swine kind of all ilks: pot bellied, big bellied, pink, off-pink, good for nothing and industrious, everybody but guinea pigs who aren't actually swine by the way, all journeyed south (to old Mexico) to chew the fat ...so to speak.
11. And there arose from the multitude, a speaker, one called Napoleon, a rasta pig, from an Orwellian animal farm to address the assemblage of the swine bredren.
12. He who was known for his oratory skills and had coined the phrase "all animals are created equal but pigs a run things rude bwoy!"
13. And verily when the assemblage had been quieted behold he spoke
14. My distinguished pig bredren, alas we have been castigated and ridiculed for many a day, indeed many a century and as far back now as our collective memories can now remember.
15. And we have taken it all in stride because we have always believed that sticks and stones may hurt our bones but words would never harm us although to be quite honest we have all known the sting of having slovenly humans, gluttons and police officers being accosted by what is seen as an insult and referred to as pigs.
16. and untidy locations being referred to a a sty.
17. This must all cease.
18. And we believed that the truth would eventually be made known once and for all.
19. And that the vicious rumours and innuendo which we believe to have been started many centuries hence, by some dirty jealous ol cow of course, would cease forever and swine kind would once more rejoice and frolic joyously with mankind and animal kind in a show of unity
20. playing in special mud like the type that the rich people put on their faces at spas and such.

Chapter 12 -
1. For was it not written in the second chapter of the first book of Pork-etry that verily scales shall be lifted from their eyes and they shall be like a people seeing for the first time and they shall realize that pork is too, too, too sweet.
2. For were not the swine saved also by Noah in his ark at the bequest of the Lord? And if then swine be so unclean why did God choose at that moment to not smite us or choose not to have us drown or become extinct like the dinosaurs or the dodos? (Gotcha!)
3. But alas for many a day our feelings and that of our ancestors have been hurt as first the Muslims and the Jews, then later the Adventists amongst the Christian folks, even in the face of the New Testament saying call nothing neither common nor unclean,
4. have subjected us to immense ridicule making us outcasts and lepers even amongst our farm animal brothers and rejected our presence on their tables preferring the bacon from the ignoble turkey and calling us unclean,
5. because we chewed not our cud, even though it is well known that chewing cud is a sign of stupidity and it is also known that we have sweeter meat than the bovines.
6. And in later days when religion started to hold less sway in the world and the world became more secular, and the cows were stricken by the deadly Jacob Crutzfeldt, there was hope that our ribs, succulent bacon and pigtails would find a new niche and finally be recognized for the value that they hold.
7. But there arose ones called nutritionists and health food fanatics and other heretics to continue with the crusade against our flesh saying pork is unhealthy and our meat was not readily digestible and other such obscene lies which made the people afraid and turned the people even further against us.
8. But alas enough is enough for vengeance is thine saith the lord and is he not lord of all swine-don (as opposed to all Swindon which I think is a spot in the UK).
9. So verily it came to me hence in a vision. The time for revenge is nigh on hand.
10. Let them again blame us for this swine flu but let all shudder in fear
11. for Jah say lik dem wid diseases!
12. And there arose a great noise like the terror of an intense thunderstorm as the assembled hosts oinked loudly in support and the council of swine-don murmured in appreciation of the oration of Napoleon and approved of his idea to use the swine flu as a weapon against the anti-swine-ites and the haters of ham.
13. And so it came to pass.

Here ends this evenings lesson.

Style a style

I aint complaining, believe me I aint. But there is just one thing about when the hot weather hit Toronto that bugs me.................... these Toronto people duz completly forget hot to dress properly.

I guess that is what duz happen when it is winter 8 months of the year and people duz get excited once they feel a lil warmth on their skin but still some of these people duz really get carried away by the warm weather.

For instance today I out enjoying the sunshine and the heat on mi skin but everytime I look around I seeing fashion faux pas like dem going out of style. Like the old white fella at the subway station wearing shorts and got dem half pull down like the young fellas duz wear except he aint wearing no underwear and all we seeing is hairy butt crack staring at everybody. Lawd ave merci!

Or the young sista wearing the backless outfit with her breasts push up but still all her bra straps and the back of the bra showing out. I mean I not sure if there is actually any time when it is fashinonable to be showing off your bra but clearly this outfit was not it especialy since the bra din matching the top at all at all.

And the always present spandex wearers. Tell me why you would wear white spandex pants and not wear proper undergarments under it. I mean wunnah trying to give me nightmares or just scare me from leaving my house this summer. Cuhdear!

And no I aint complaining about showing skin. I accept that some will always show more than they should but what I got issues with is the lack of fashion, the styles that aint no style at all

Hence I will proposing spring refresher fashion classes to help people recover fashion sense in the wake of a brutal winter. Mek them mandatory too.

fast food

I saw this article from England yesterday:

The hit squad had prepared their raid long in advance.

At 10am eight police officers, some in anti-stab vests, joined three council employees on the doorstep of the Bamboo Joint takeaway.

Their mission? To stamp out the practice of selling jerk chicken within 400 metres of a secondary school.

Yesterday, the Jamaican cafe in Leytonstone, East London, became the first takeaway in the country to be given a closure order under guidelines banning the sale of fast food near educational establishments.

All I could do is laugh cause I figure this has to be the first time anybody ever refer to a west indian resturant as serving fast food.
lawd ave mercy! had these authorities done due dilligency they would have realized that food from west indian resturants is some of the slowest food in the world ....assuming they even have what you want. I mean I know some west indian places with lunch specials advertise that you hit the place at 12:45pm and they still aint finish cook their first pot a rice. Fast food! wunnah mekkin sport!

And while I wont say west indian cusine is the healtiest food out there come on now can you really compare a nice peas n rice dinner with kfc or mcdonalds. Give me a break!

And what exactly is an anti-stab vest? These Brits duz got a funny name fa evating nuh.

Weatherman say

One thing about living up North in this place. When the weather nice ya duz really appreciate it. And yes I would prefer to live in a place that warm all round like Buh-bay-dus but alas its not to be at the moment. Still when you living someplace like Toronto and you see the weather heat up to something livable after a cruelly cold and bitter winter it duz really change ya disposition and make you appreciate things a lil different.

When 30 Celsius is ya norm ya tend to take it for granted. Here bram we see 15C after a cold cold winter and we looking to celebrate; the shorts come out, the sunglasses and we feeling like we in de tropics.

And annuda thing ya duz realize and its strange cause you don't realize it til afterwards but during the winter people duz be real real scarce. It doesn't seem so at the time cause unless is big snowstorm you still see a fair amount of hustle and bustle in the everyday goings and comings during the winter and the subways and malls duz still be packed but once the nice weather hit even for a day you realize just how big this place is wid plenty plenty people as they just seem to come out of the woodwork, milling on patios and sitting on benches and just trying to capture as much of the suns precious rays as possible. If I din know better I would swear that in spring people duz split and multiply and bloom like de flowers in the garden.

But that is how it is. When sunlight scarce ya appreciate it that much more when you do get it I think. We Caribbean people at home doan appreciate it so. It duz be like "cheese on bread why the sun gotta be suh hot this marnin um is 9 o clock an i sweating already" meanwhile a fella like me duz be up hayso bundle up in summuch fur jacket that people mistaking me for de Yeti.

Anyways doan worry we Canadian people (good gosh dem assimilate me an got me referring to a "we" now. help muh nuh) gine soon start complaining juss ya wait an see. Come it hit 25 and 30C next month or month after next all dem gine start saying well at least when um cold ya can put on layers but when um hot ya cant tek off ya skin and dem gine be cussing sun and killing electricity wid de aircon at negative numbers trying to recreate fridges in their homes and offices. But dat is people fa ya, never appreciate nuttin uh. cha!

Not me though, nuh complaints bout heat fa me, I look forward to my 30C, I wish it was so everyday.

Ramping Shop

Ok this aint no Easter post!

Now nuff words have been said about the banning of Ramping Shop and other songs of its ilk by the Jamaican authorities. Although I have a view, I wont weigh in here on whether it was right or wrong cause some will argue society echoing art and others art echoing society, is a chicken or egg dilemma and too much interaction between the two for me to win an argument on that in a lil 200 word blog.

Now I hear the Ramping shop song a few times cause it been on the mixes for a few good months but I really aint pay much attention to anything besides the riddim. That was until this past weekend where I was walking around with the ipod and the song came on and I finally listened closely to the lyrics and realized how slack they were. I mean yea I've heard worse in my day but still ya cant consider this song decent nuhway ya look at it. Dem people was talkin bout some things dat turn mi head boy! Wha, I even had to google some of them lyrics to figure out what them was talking bout.

But one particular lyric in that song had me. It was the line Vybz uses about "Deal wid yuh breast like mi crushing irish". Potatoes I assume. Actually it reminded me of the Mavado "squeeze her breasts like the trigger of my gun" lyric from another dancehall song. So I stop in my tracks and was there visualizing some fella with a potato masher or a fork in he hand and he mashing way hard hard hard on the poor woman's boobs or another fella squeezing breasts like he is a shotta in a Die Hard II or Terminator movie and wondering if while he squeezing he duz stay low and keep firing, whether he shooting a regular handgun or a semi automatic and whether he duz dive bout like dem fellas in the movies while still shooting cause damn that sounds like some serious pain infliction to me. Ouch! And I was wondering but is how dat could be pleasurable to either party involved? Wha dat doan mek nuh sense. Wuhloss !

But that one line was an eyeopener for me. I mean I been listening to dancehall from since Yellowman and Lovindeer was running tings and it never really hit home for me until now. I mean I know the music is misogynistic an all but still something dawned on me that I hadn't considered before.

Ya ever notice that sex in dancehall songs doan sound pleasant at all? It duz sound like war and violence, murda in de market like somebody getting beat kill. I mean if I personally was an alien from another planet (and I not confirming that I am or am not) and my first introduction to Jamaica was via current dancehall music my first thought would be that sex in Jamaica is something akin to an ancient gladiator brawl or the WWF with all these wicked slams and that Jamaican women quite frankly must long time ago either have invested in full body armour for sex or are alternately all dead from being "killed with it" or are walking around crippled or handicapped from the nuff bruises, broken limbs and war wounds which are sure to have been inflicted courtesy of all the stabbing, jukking and daggering that duz be going on in songs. I mean 100 juks, 1000 stabs, wha ya cant pass that off as manslaughter no way ya look at it. Something so could only be premeditated murder in the first degree to me.

And then I was reading a ting on the Nation website yesterday and realize well is not only women suffering from this daggering thing cause according to them lately penises in Jamaica breaking rather fracturing at a record rate. Apparently all the daggering and juks and stabs backfiring and fellas getting wounded. Well a so it a go I guess.

Cuhdear!

Still all I saying again is if you follow dem dancehall fellas you cud only find yaself in trouble. All them juks and stabs somebody gotta get hurt and that is my perspective whether i is an alien or not.

Facial therapy

I always wonder about the people that design cosmetic products for men. And by cosmetics I not talking no makeup I mean like creams and lotions and hair products and the like cause it seems to me like the cosmetic companies duz put nuff nuff money into producing and marketing all sorta items to women who they see as a discerning bunch with plenty money to spend to look pretty pretty but then they duz juss quickly slap together some residue in the lab and market it to men.

Case in point. You ever notice that any type of facial cream or face wash or after shave business that marketed towards a man duz all stan a certain way? Don't let them fool ya! They duz market them off with sporting icons and the like and use words like cool and refreshing and brisk and chilling and show you people jumping in pools and muscular six pack fellas with nice hair and pronounced faces rubbing their chin and splashing on the product looking like some Adonis and you duz feel that the product nice nice. Well if so n so use this it might be saying something you think.

Then you try the thing and ya duz realize that all them sort of words so to excite ya with visions of nice sea breezes and fresh air is nothing but code words meaning burn and sting.

Is like dese people feel that we faces mek outta old leather. (Which reminds me, I remember one time them had a certain shampoo that say when ya feel the tingle that mean it working. Well boy tingle was code word for when ya feel like somebody slap ya in ya head wid a Molotov cocktail and ya scalp on fire and you run screaming from the shower that means its working.)

I feel dese lab fellas dont test these products properly. They duz test on animals like dragons or armadillos or rhinoceroses or something so or they duz use some old fella that he been testing these products since 1934 when he face get burn off in an industrial incident or something so and he aint got nuh sorta nerves endings in he skin left.

Cause dem products marketed to men duz be harsh harsh harsh. Well not all but quite a lot of them. But then that is what ya get when you look and see who duz produce some of these products. People that make razor blades shouldn't be making no creams and lotions, people dat duz mek athletic gear (I mean wunnah Adidas) shouldn't be diversifying into no body wash.

Them fella dont have no clue!

Anyways I growing a beard. Done wid all that burning off my face.

Feting is fundamental

This one takes the cake.

A woman in Trinidad, a state witness to some murder case, in some sort of protective custody leff the safe house the authorities were holding her in to go to a fete.

At the fete somebody hold on pun she an dem find she dead dead dead out in de open the next day.

Cheese on bread den! Do I really need to say any more?

Look I sorry but you would got to be a certain sort of igrant to leave protective custody to go to a fete. I mean who thinks to themself well boy I safe here in this safeouse but ya know where I wud be safer? Answer a big fete.

Not only that but when I read the story the second time I realize the woman left a safe house in Tobago and fly to Trinidad to fete! No local fete she went to she fly to a fete! this aint no local stupidity that is like crossing international borders to commit acts of stupidity. That is what ya duz call high class stupidity.

But imagine yourself in a safe house, under heavy manners cause you see a crime an you gotta testify. Now obviously you in a safe house cause somebody think you are in danger before you testify if not you could be in your own home chilling out eating some buss up shot drinking a Solo right.

Now would you be in said safehouse thinking "eh eh is saturday gurl, big fete up in the hill. chupse!, but is how dese police boy got me in hay an I missing a wine. ooh goosh is Machel playing? Well I not missing Machel fa nobody ya kno! oh gooossh nuh gurl I aint missing my wine fa no foolish case. Is Trinidad I going right right now."

So somebody call you and you say alright well is only lil protective custody ting, dat aint nuttin, it aint like I in danger cause is only a murder case I dealing wid so I going see alllya tonight at the fete.

Well I aint know bout anybody else but if I personally had to testify in any sorta case even if um was a jaywalking case I keeping my behind quiet. Fete wud got to miss. If I did see something so like a murder and had to testify I din gine even leff my house to go up the road to buy two doubles furthermore fly from Tobago to Trinidad. I wud be watching every shadow I see. In fact I din even peeping out the window, I wud be hiding under the bed wearing a topsy as a helmet just in case a bullet or a big rock miss an come through a window.

Ya think I kidding? Not me boy! I din going out like that at all. I woulda ask the police for bullet proof vests, protective coocoons, voice altering software, dark shades, wigs, bleaching creames, makeup artists and anything else them cud think of to change my appearance.

No boy fete would got to come to me but I din leffin that safe house so.

Bosh Bash

Poor Chris Bosh!

Been a tough season. Man oh man!

First off injuries, then de team that was supposed to be so good, according to the GM anyways, flop this season, then Shaquille O'Neal called him the Rupaul of big men in the NBA and now this! And them buss this new set of news on his birthday just to shame he lil more when he should be out feting. Cuhdear!

What news? I talking about the news that Bosh's former girlfriend/financee (yes I mispell it on purpose) suing him for child support.

Cuhdear!

And yes many of you will say NBA player being sued for child support ain't no big deal happens all the time. Which is true but Bosh has made his name in the NBA and in Toronto as being one of those guys who wouldn't be caught up in this type of drama. He's a "good guy". Nice guy image. That is the type of athlete Toronto likes and embraces even if they don't perform.

I mean irony of ironies Bosh's image here like O.D.B is all about the kids. Raptors foundation, Sick Kids, Make a wish, Literacy campaigns, Boys and Girls Club of Canada. Bosh is all over the media daily repping for one children's program or another so imagine how it look that he not taking care of his home responsibilities. Ya mean, he trying to look out for other people pickney but not his own. Mi naa buy it!

Image buss!

Truth be told I tell Bosh get ridda dat financee gal from the time she was on the sidelines heckling and riling up Lebron and mek we lost that game last season cause juss cause ya got front row seats and is a player girlfriend aint nuh right fa you to get involved in the game. Sit down, shut up and enjoy the overpriced ACC food like everybody else and leff off dat sorta thing to fellas like Mars Blackman and Col. Jessop, that's Spike and Jack Nicholson in case you didn't figure it out. If you want the spotlight I sure there is video girl work available otherwise stay outta big NBA man business that.

Still I din know that he (Bosh) had she pregnant. How he going kick she out of his house full pregnant and then refuse to support the child?

Cuhdear! Wha wid an alleged move like that I can only guess that he trying to tek heat off the other Chris (Mr Brown I talkin bout you).

Still I didn't come to beat up on Bosh yet. Like they say three sides to each story. She side is that he is a deadbeat dad. Lawless, good for nothing, igrant, ugly brute that wont look after his responsibilities. Only see the 4 month old pickney two time so far and baby mudda broke and need money to tek care of this chile.

His side? Well that came out this morning. He claim that his lawyers are the one's that started the proceedings and that he's apparently down to take care of his responsibilities and support the chile (whic he should be with all them millions he duz mek) but like de former financee she want extra and hit he wid a suit. Whax! Hmmmm.

Boshy boy ya have to be careful. I was just reading a Sport Illustrated article saying that about 60% of former NBA players duz be broke 5 years after their playing days done and saying that child support and divorce is two of the main reasons these men duz end up broke. Dont let she stick ya for all ya paper boy.

But anyways like I said three sides to each story. She side out, he side coming out and one can only hope to pick little piece of the third side, that being the truth, out of each of the other two stories.

All I know is Bosh image tek a good lik this week. Not sure if it going recover here in Toronto.

Ah what do I care I've been pushing for the GM to trade him since January anyways.

Sinister

Last week I was thoroughly engrossed in the Stephanie Rengel murder trial. The trial, which was occurring here in Toronto exposed details on a sick and twisted tragedy which really did not need to happen. But then what murder of a 14 year old is necessary?

The shortened version of the story is this for those of you who haven't heard it: M.T a teenager (15 at the time I believe) had a 17 year old boyfriend D.B. (For your info they cant be fully named here in Canada as they were both minors at the time of the crime) M.T was very jealous of a girl who D.B had, been in a prior relationship with, that being Stephanie. She thought that Stephanie wanted to have D.B back and that she was spreading tales about M.T having sex with other boys.

M.T over a period of months cajoled, begged, threatened, blackmailed and bullied her boyfriend D.B into killing Stephanie. Its all documented in tonnes of text messages and I.M messages that they had over this period. D.B resisted for a while but M.T threatened to withhold sex and then to sleep with other boys if D.B did not give into her demands and kill Stephanie.

Apparently he came close in October of 2007 and didn't have the heart but finally with more threats from M.T he finally did the deed, luring Stephanie from her home one winter evening, the evening of New Years day 2008 to be exact, where he finally stabbed her numerous times and left her to bleed to death in the snow. With her last breaths she was able to finger the murderer to a passerby who found her dying in the cold. D.B meanwhile called after his deed was complete and told his girlfriend M.T that it was done. She called Stephanie's phone to check, just to make sure and then D.B went back to M.T's place for a nice sex romp, his reward for fulfilling his mission.

Pretty chilling stuff for a couple of teenagers. You can google it if you want more details.

The trial this week was for the girl M.T, D.B's trial is later in the year, and after three days of deliberation, which was about three days too long in my opinion, the jury came back with a guilty verdict. We await sentencing.

Now I know that child and teen crime isn't the once shocking occurrence that it used to be. 10 year olds have murdered, kids have plotted and succeeded in killing parents etc but this one, maybe because of the wealth of supporting evidence showing how the plot was developed and the amount of begging, convincing and threatening done by M.T to get it carried out seems especially chilling.

Its also rather instructive to see how the family of the murder accused saw her still as a school smart young lady, with little street smarts who would never do something like this. They had no clue as to the vulgar and disturbing messages that their little "angel" was sending online and via text message or as to the plot she had conceived using boyfriend D.B as the de facto murder weapon.

What can you say about it all? Kids these days are being exposed to a lot of stuff from early, I'm not sure we can shield and protect them anymore. Their childhood definitely will not be the same as ours. Still I guess one can only try to give them a good foundation, stay involved in what they are doing, keep on their ass, give them proper context into which to understand the knowledge that they are being bombarded with daily and pray. A whole heap a pray.

Well and if that doesn't work there is always Liks.

Still its mind boggling to me that a girl as young as M.T would conceive of this sick crime and use her body as collateral to get it done. Did she understand that murder was wrong? Did she think well maybe there is another way to solve this issue with Stephanie, did she think about consequences? Did her parents ever think to check her moral compass somewhere along the way? Lots of unanswered questions.

For all the smarts it took to plan this murder etc, she was extremely naive to think that she would get away with it. A case of too much know how but not enough knowledge?

And what about the victim. Yea what about her and her family. Destroyed over something so like this. So senseless.

No idea. Mi nuh know how de yout get so.

Dirty Spring

Hurray for warmer weather! Couldnt come too soon in my opinion. Brutal winter we've had. Cold to rattle the bones!
My only complaint about warmer weather is the initial dirt that we see when the snow melts. Its like everyone has emptied their garbage under the snow and now with the melt we see it all: Cans, fast food paper bags, coffee cups, bottles etc etc. Yuck!

For Lease

If I didn't know any better I would swear that there is a new chain of stores called "For Lease" here in Toronto and they are taking over the city like gangbusters because as I travel around the city I keep seeing that sign more and more in storefront windows.

I wonder what the occupancy rate is for retail stores in this city these days because it used to be pretty high a few years back with new outfits just waiting to swoop in and take coveted real estate anywhere downtown. Not so now. Empty storefronts growing daily. Not just the usual fly by night operators in the usual locales getting burnt or burning bridges by not paying rent. Places that have been around for years and were seemingly stable outfits going down, out of business too.

Such is life in the recession I guess.

This photo is from Barbados, St Lawrence Gap to be exact courtesy the PlanetBarbados Blog but it could just as easily be applied to Toronto and probably just about most places these days.

If it isn't "For Lease" then Sale seems to be the byword of the day. Its a virtual utopia for bargain hunters (assuming anybody got two shillings to spare).

Every storefront that doesn't have in a For Lease sign has in a sale sign. I mean none of them aint as blatant as that sign in the picture but we get the idea. Business does suck, please buy or we'll go out of business too.


That's just the 2009 reality. A so it a go!

So much for that

Remember just after 9/11 how the entire world was sympathetic to the US and people who found glee in the fall of the towers, or who blamed the US for their misfortune etc were the wackos and the sickos? We could even justify the invasion of Afghanistan with a well the US didn't start it or at least weren't the ones who escalated the conflict argument.

Then swiftly the world's opinion turned as retaliation and protection turned into naked aggression and an invasion of Iraq. Today Obama is still trying to get folks to change their opinion on the US to something more positive.

Well I'm finding the current Chris Brown/Rhianna episode somewhat similar somewhat. Initially we were all aghast over Chris Brown's behavior and there was no shortage of pity for glamour girl Rhianna. What kind of sick dude beats up a woman like that? Shame on him, shame shame shame. He deserve a good thrashing and some jail time and two cement bricks pelting at his head and a proper cutass.

And I still think he does actually but .....

The sympathy factor for Rhianna is starting to seriously fade because of her actions post beating. Even fellow females aren't really feeling that sympathetic towards her these days as with every news item or rumour you are left wondering just how stupid is this girl?

Yes she still didn't deserve her beating, no one does but why is she putting herself in a situation ie staying with Brown or letting him off the hook where she could be in harms way again? Did the beating cause some sort of head damage? Is she just that naive? There is fools falling in love and then there is stark raving madness and idiocy of the highest degree. From everyone's perspective other than it appears Rhianna her actions fall in the latter category.

And who the hell are her handlers and advisers? You mean there isn't someone to say girl look at how the man smash your face to a pulp? Do you seriously want to stay with him after that? Do you seriously not think he deserves to be punished? Why are you allegedly spending time with him? Stay the hell away from homeboy! Why not let the judge get a restraining order on him? Do you not realize that you are also harming your career by doing what you're doing now. You are making yourself into an object of ridicule and derision.

And yes I agree its always difficult to look at these situations from the outside with limited info and know exactly whats going on but damn the police report, a report based on your evidence, said the man went all WWF on her, headlocks and slamming head into car windows and all. These actions do not qualify as love taps, they qualify as unadulterated abuse.

And while its always in these cases easy to sympathize with a target, its harder to maintain that sympathy when the target does nothing to withdraw from the abusive situation or tries to lay it off. We feel like we're misplacing our emotions, like well why should we waste our time feeling sorry for you when you obviously don't care enough about yourself to try to put things straight. We feel like our initial outrage and anger has been thrown back into our faces by you.

Its a valid reaction.

Wake up girl, ya mekkin bajans and women all over the world shame.

Yes mi Friend

Epilogue: "My friend, would you be interested in making fifty or sixty thousand dollars." I laughed and walked away.

--------
I was in the Bay department store last weekend. Just checking their (ever present) weekend sales when I noticed them out of the corner of my eyes. Two men, caught up in conversation over by the sales rack examining dress shirts. Brothers, I initially thought or perhaps good friends chatting away examining the merchandise. Whatever didn't waste too much brain power on them as I was just doing a quick search of similar racks myself to see if there were any worthwhile deals.

However being cognizant of my surroundings I later heard "well it was nice meeting you my friend, what was your name again?"

Strange I thought and the alarms went off in my head. So they actually were strangers chatting like old friends? Hmmm I never would have guessed. That doesn't usually happen in the T-dot. Here we are known for our rude and churlish big city behaviour towards strangers so unless one of the cats was a recent immigrant then hmmm something just doesn't seem right here.

Shields to maximum strength!

One man left and as it happened the other dude casually sauntered over to the messy rack I was sorting through, nothing in my size or any style or price that I would like.
"Its always difficult to find your size isn't it?" he said as if reading my mind. Ok so that's the ice breaker I thought appearing absentmindedly but aware that he would continue trying to start a conversation.

"Yea, guess that's what happens with these sales" I said appearing not to give full attention to my suitor although I was carefully checking every move the cat made. He continued to dig into the pile of dress shirts 15 1/2, 18 1/2, 13 1/2. No 16 or 16 1/2.

"Are you from Africa my friend?" he asked.

Well right to the chase I see and although I thought it was very presumptuous for him to assume I was from Africa cause I'm black and living in the GTA I inwardly smiled cause I knew the hunt was on. I had become a target but one who was aware he was being hunted. Hmmm how do we play this? Lets mix it up.

"No!" I said still not appearing to pay full attention, still pulling random items out the rack and examining their quality and sleeve length but mind churning as I'm trying to decide if I lie from the outstart or just play oblivious to his scam for a bit. Lets make him work for the actual answer.

"Where are you from?" ah I said to myself he's definitely interested. Meanwhile mind is thinking hmm you know what the men's business attire section is definitely a great place for a scam why didn't I think of that? Location location, location! I mean dudes with possible money to spend and probable decent jobs. Great prospects if you work it right.

"The Caribbean" I said dragging out the dance a few steps longer. Yes I am evil.

"The Caribbean? What island brother? Jamaica?"

All wunnah know is Jamaica I silently chupsed to myself but didn't give away anything on my face.
"No, Barbados." Head and hands still intent on the clothing rack.

"Oh Barbados!" he paused ever so slightly thinking what comes next.
"Oh wow Barbados! That's a great place my friend, great weather." he said with ebullience.
"Why are you here in this weather"
"I ask myself that question daily man"
"How long have you've been here?"
"A few years." I'm hemming and hawing or rather bobbing and weaving like two opponents feeling out each other in a boxing ring. I'm waiting for another exploratory jab cause I grow bored of the game but I did finally make eye contact just to give him some hope.

I know he has a finite opportunity to get in my good graces for the con but yet he only has a slight window into which to throw the scam without it looking like a scam. I'm trying not to smile. Got him where I wanted! He's the one with something to aim for I'm just playing casual cause I know where this ends.

As an aside even if I hadn't clued into him before he approached me the my friend schnick is always an alarm bell for me in these situations.

Anyways we tip toe around the rack like swordsmen seeking strategic footing before the next thrust and parry but I'm feeling like I should play hard to get plus dude isn't playing this as natural as he could if he was a pro. He looks like he's ready to spring the con or at least lay down some more chat to get past my defenses when suddenly I just say "alright guy take care" and leave the rack with purposeful strides, moving around a column to the tie section.

Sorry couldn't hold back the smile cause I could tell he was going to screw up the scam with his next statement. I had to move away and regroup. Dude's an amateur though this much is for certain. Lets see if he follows?

I spent the next few minutes back turned to the predator but well aware of his location pretending that I was examining some well ugly expensive ties. He moved away from the rack as well but he didn't follow me. He seemed to be weighing the pros and cons of continuing our conversation but then he wandered off in the other direction possibly scenting easier and possibly more lucrative prey. Good I thought, at least he didn't embarrass himself with the force ripe con he trying to lay down.

Except it wasn't over.

Circled the column back to another set of dress shirts just as I was getting ready to leave cause I was rather bored with this whole shopping experience. He was circling the area like it was his territory still and my path led me into his trajectory so he made a swift move towards me as I settled on a table full of light blue dress shirts one of which I was touching to check its quality.

"My friend, my friend!" he said just a tad bit too excitedly. I looked up.
"So what do you do my friend?"
Too rushed son, big mistake. I lied, something about computers yada yada. "Oh really, that's good, how is that business going these days yada yada
I lied a bit threw in a few computer words: java, wicket, swing to impress him that I knew what I was talking about. For the record I don't know what they mean but conversing with techies you pick up things.

"I do business all over the US and Canada" he said.
"Oh really," I said not really too excited since I was preoccupied with thinking about how poor a con man this cat was and how bored I was getting. Yawn! Damn man even I could run this game better than you and I'm that suspicious looking big black dude.

"Yes my friend and you know its fortunate that I am meeting you here as we are doing some business in THE BARBADOS." OK J suppress smile.
"Me and my business partners we're having a bit of a problem though. Do you know anyone down there that could help us out."

I hemmed and hawwed some more pretending to be thinking about it. "No not really cant think of anyone."
"No family?"
"Nope no family, I really have no connections down there"

"My friend we really need some help with this issue in THE BARBADOS. My friend, would you be interested in making fifty or sixty thousand dollars." I laughed and walked away.


ps: you guys are all going to say i could have walked away from word one and that's true but then hey I wouldn't have gotten this story.

Marketing Schemes

Stop wastin your money on marketing schemes
and pretty packages pushin dreams to the fiends

It did Sunday morning 11:30 a.m. I know man, yes I shulda been in church praying for muh sins but I had to wait fa sumbody to come an do sumting fa muh so I stan home this marnin. Doan worry I will be there singing loud an outta tune next week.

That is when the phone ring loud loud loud. Long distance ring too. I figure it gotta be muh family in de states cause my mudda woulda been at church long time already. I really wasn't thinking no telemarketer ringing to upset my blessed soul on this crisp God given Sunday marning. Chupse!

Pick up the phone excited thinking I going hear somebody I wanta hear when this woman on the other line start ask questions like she is a policewoman inquiring bout if I is Mr or Mrs Jdid. But wait how she cud mean if I is Mrs Jdid? She trying to say I sound womanish or what? Of course I is Mr Jdid. I had to ask if she had call here already an a strange man answer di phone? Cause looka if dat did de case let me know an I wud have to find out who strange man duz answer my phone pun a day when I aint home an say he aint Mr Jdid.

No she say, first time calling. She doing market research and she got couple lil question for me. Well she juss tryin to mek a few coppers so I figure lemma see wha she saying. Alright den ask away! Hear di woman wid de firss question.

If you were making an addition to your home, what would it be? Cheese on bread den! Wha dat is a difficult question. De pitch like u did hostile this marnin. That wun had me down the pitch clear out de batting crease and wicketkeeper got me bails flying that is I did well well stumped. I couldn't even tell she hol on so I cud call a lifeline.

So after sweating for a few minutes I think a lil and by elimination I tell she if I had de chance I wud add on another bedroom or bathroom to de lil shedroof I got. Hear the woman now, but what about a sunroom? Yea man I say sure my son could get the new bedroom but wait how you know I have a son? You is one a dem stalkers or something so? No sunroom. S.U.N she say. Oh I thought you say son room. Looka stop trying to mess up my head ya.

No nuh sunroom. I aint interested thank you.

Ya sure she says cause we going to be in the neighborhood tomorrow and we giving free estimates on sunrooms. I say no I dont want no sunroom nor daughter room thank you.

But wait I thought to myself how you gine be pushing sunrooms and when you ask me what I wud add on and I tell you a additional bathroom or bedroom you sounding surprised. Wha if you did wanta lead me to say sunroom why you gi me a open ended question like dat an had me sweating so trying to come up wid the answer. Chupse!

Looka wha kinda segue that is into sunrooms doah at all girl? Wha kinda telemarketer you is doah? Try an sort out a better script fa the next body you call ya know. And no I still don't want nuh sunroom unless I cud store lil sunlight in the sunroom fa the winter and I know that that technology aint invent yet or I woulda bring back some bajan sunshine at Christmas fa all like now when the place dark up so.

De woman continue on talking bout free estimate and wid she presumptuous self asking me what time is convenient fa me tomarra. Looka woman you missing the point. I Mr Jdid am telling you that I don't want no sunroom. But the estimate free she say, and in these harsh economic times we aint expect you to buy right now we just showing you the options. Wha dat sound like a waste a both we times then cause if I aint interested in buying and you aint expect me to buy wha is the point a we meeting bout free estimate. You wanta come in my house to see whapart I duz keep my two or three lil valuables in de whatnot so you could plan to come back when me and Mrs Jdid or the fella that say he aint Mr Jdid aint home nuh. Well ya lie cause I aint plan on lettin you in my place fa no free guesstimate fa you to pee eye my few lil things to come back an tief.

Then the woman look at me through the phone and ask me if I know what involved in a free estimate?

Eh eh!

But wait! Wait! Which pieca poppit she think I is that I doan know bout free estimates and who mek she so damn uppity to ask me something so.

Girl which devil send you suh bright n early sunday marnin to upset my pleasant countenance this lord given Sunday marin doah! the old people neva lie boy trouble doan set up like rain! Chupse! Looka ya unmannerly so n so I did trying my best to be polite cause I know ya trying ta mek a lil dollar like everybody else but just cause I doan want you pun my property and I aint building nuh sunroom, star room or moon room aint give you no right to question my common sense asking me if I know wha free estimate is.

Wha you like you tryin ta hurt my feelings ya!

But who um is train you to use the phone cause you getting outta hand girl and ya best to watch yaself cause you like you wud mek me gotta buse you this blessed sabbath and then gotta guh church tonight to repent!

Clearly exasperated by our exchange the telemarketer woman let out a big big sigh of annoyance and hang up the phone on me. Click!

huh what?

Two of the stranger stories this week.

1) Woman's hair weave stops bullet. Am I the only one that finds this story unbeweavable? On another note in these tight fiscal times Police departments should be looking in the feasibility of replacing Kevlar with weave.

2) Chinese mistress contest turns tragic. Seriously first a mistress contest? Well I guess that's not so far fetched with all the slackness on "reality" shows but what does his wife have to say about this one wonders. Then dude obviously broke the cardinal rule of reality TV. Anytime you get rid of a contestant get them the hell away from the rest of contestants and yourself. Like he don't watch TV or something. No he let the woman drive he and 4 other contestants off a cliff. How you going to have the mistress that got eliminated driving the car with all the other contestants in it? Moron!

Jeanette layne Clarke

I'd be going overboard if I said that without Jeanette Layne-Clarke there would be no Doan Mind Me but maybe without Jeanette Layne-Clarke I wouldn't be inspired to juk in a lil Bajan dialect in Doan Mind Me every now and again (read every blinking post!).

I think Ms Layne Clarke who died Monday morning in Barbados did for Bajan dialect what Ms Lou did for Jamaican dialect. Growing up in Bim, I saw her column Lickmout-Lou as a staple of the local newspapers in Barbados and it was probably in those columns that I saw Bajan dialect in print for the first time. Her Lickmout-Lou letters to the fictional Nesta over in away were always creative, good for a laff and looked at issues from the unique bajan perspective.

Ms Layne-Clarke along with the late Alfred Pragnell and Timothy Callender contributed heavily to the culture and storytelling genre in Barbados; writing, performing and introducing us to a slew of typical bajan characters like Lottie and Bruuggadown Boarhog in radio and theatre sketches. Sorry, but for some reason I cant separate the three as much of their work to me seemed so intertwined in terms of who wrote and who performed.

I've got an Alfred Pragnell CD at home with some of those sketches that all three of them created and it is downright hilarious and typically Bajan! I could almost see the characters when I hear their voices.

Consider this trio the Bajan equivalent to Trinidad's Paul Keen's Douglas with their keen sense of storytelling and social commentary.

Well Lou girl, many a fella cud give ya a better send off than me cause I din know ya an you din know me but I still feel like I shud say buhbye and thanks cause I think lil Buhbaydus loss a stalwart and a legend in the literary and cultural fields. Ya do nuff nuff nuff fa we dialect and culture as an outstanding playwright, author, broadcaster and storyteller. Ya really set de bar high in ya field. Outstanding girl real outstanding!

May ya rest in peace.

Ok I'm Rhi-loaded

The brother Bajan Reporter has a very nicely put together article over at his site about Miss Rhianna and a whole heap of celebrities in the news for the wrong reason and our societies occupation with schadenfreude. Check that out!

I myself had some more to (ramble) say on this whole situation.

He said, she said, I heard it through the grapevine!


For one when I first posted I really didn't realize the extent to which the alleged beating had gone. I using that word alleged cause although the man has been arrested it all still really hasn't been confirmed entirely and we're inundated with rumors, truth, slander, speculation and photoshopped jpegs all rolled up into one ball right now and being distributed as fact.

But still a discerning spectator could probably make a decent read of all the information out there and come to some valid, hopefully at least semi-factual conclusions which is what I'm trying to do right now.

For one as I was trying to say with that other sentence that started for one, the only fact, semi-fact, we know appears to be that Rhianna if she is indeed the victim (as might be concluded by her sudden cancellation of two concerts a foreign this week) was beaten pretty badly. This wasn't no two slap push thing (not that we condone those either. This was on some punks jump up to get beat down, i caught you tiefing my grandmother money or troubling my chile, pugilism 101 type ish. Punches were not pulled. There seems to be no doubt of that. Blows were shared, a young lady's face was rearranged, buss lip, black eye, contusions etc and there is possibility of cosmetic surgery to fix the damage (speculation on that last part so far though).

But what caused the incident? Speculation galore! Was it flirting with Leona Lewis, somebody sharing his and her peas (without the rice to go along with it), text messages, Rhianna's supposedly controlling and jealous nature, car keys getting tossed, the natural reaction to hearing the Umbrella song just one time too many or Chris Brown's out of control latent mutant powers flaring up nuhbody can tell and likely never will be able to say what really happened between the two of them. He say, she say!

What is fact though is that the reaction around the world, online, on radio shows etc has been varied. Now I'm not one to say guilty until proven innocent and yea I'm bajan like Rhianna (although I don really dig her music and was probably a bigger fan of Chris Brown than her prior to this) so I may be biased but could we strip this situation down to its essence, remove the celebrity statuses and the biases towards the individuals involved. If we could do that I find it difficult that anyone could justify or give a pass to a dude who would beat up his girl like that (allegedly).

But like the saying goes everybody cant hate ya and Chris Brown for all the discussion about his actions still seems to have a fair amount of fans who can justify his actions by rumours of stds (still trying to figure out what this got to do with standard deviation?), jealousy, Lamborghini keys being dashed way and feisty uncontrollable too jealous Caribbean female traits. I'm sorry I really cant understand how anything like that comes close to justifying his actions but maybe its just me.

Stop spreading rumours rumours rumours about me.

Then there are the rumours as to this not being their first battle and Chris's alleged destroying of this that and the third that belonged to Rhianna on his last trip to Barbados possibly the result of alleged jealousy as well. Who knows! But it does bring into focus a question as to whether this was his first (alleged) abuse in this relationship or whether Rhianna had already felt his wrath (allegedly).

That of course leads to the old "well how stupid is this girl that she would stick with someone who abuses her" question which has been asked of thousands of women, celebrity and non-celebrity over the years.

If this isn't the first time why did she stick with him? Should we write her off as an idiot and feel less sympathy for her and less derision for him if she didn't leave him at the first sign of trouble?

Does repeated domestic offense make it more palatable or less worthy of condemnation?

How will this affect both of their careers?

I'll leave the answers and conclusions up to you cause my brain just rambling.

Oh no he didnt!

Woe is me shame an scandal in de family!

Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris wha ya gone an do boy?

Dem say (allegedly) that you beat up we bajan girl rhi rhi and mek she miss de Grammys last night. cuhdear!

Excuse me mister but wha happen to all the lovey dovey dovey dovey kiss kiss kiss you used ta sing about?

Wuhloss ya din have to treat the poor girl so! Wha happen man, you had Ike Turner flashbacks or Rhianna miss an juk ya wid de umba-rella ella ella eh eh eh eh eh?

I still cant believe it Chris. I mean after all the hard work you and Terrence Howard do mekkin light skin brothers relevant again this is how ya end up?

Tell me that you was practicing some a dem krumping hypy dance moves and she juss happen to get in the way an get lik down. Tell me something so man. Doan tell me you willfully try to hurt the poor girl. Wha Chris Breezy like he aint easy at all den.

Looka boy you gine got to turn rapper now cause you cant be nuh more rnb singer, wid 95% women fans an bruise battering women so. That cant mek it star cause women gine/should boycott ya after this! Reputation gone through the eddoes boy! Even R Kelly din beating nuhbody. Ya best to denounce the rnb an turn rapper from now and at least you could try an work a publicity thing pun this and save ya career.

But fa true though man, after the woman tek you to Bim ta meet all she family an spend Christmas feed you up wid all sorta bajan jug jug and baked ham an Christmas great cake an ting so this is how you repay she?

Man dat aint right ya kno! If things din wukkin out, do like Main Source and look at the Front door, leff she off, go your separate ways.

Well well well! An to think de girls say ya suh young (19) and good looking and looka wha you doing! Ya lucky she aint family ta me boy or else ..........

An Miss Rihanna I would advise you to press de charges and den leff he off. I dont know the full story but dont be foolish,if he hit ya, get out of that abusive relationship. Nuh partner aint worth it if them gine raise a hand to hit you. Doan let nuhbody fool you that that is love.

But looka how you gone an get in this baccanal so, when juss the other day I had people telling me well at least Rihanna aint gettin nuh bad publicity like some a dem bad girls in the showbizness. Now look now you gone an end up in bare scandal so. Shame shame shame.

Cuhdear!

51

So rarely do I get to celebrate anything regarding West Indies cricket these days. The team generally sucks but yesterday we beat England by an innings and 23 runs bowling out England in their second innings for a paltry 51. First win against England in a test match in 9 years apparently.

Shades of glories past it was. Revenge for us being bowled out for 47 in 2004. And further proof that cricket really is a game of glorious uncertainties as the cocky British didn't give us a chance before this series started and assumed this would be a blitzkrieg.



And even though the English will now return with every single excuse under the sun to downplay our emphatic victory, since former colonies should never be better than colonizers, and even though our team could prove this to be a one off wonder and go back to sucking tomorrow, as likely they will, there is something supremely satisfying about sticking it to the mother country and wiping the smiles off their oh so smug faces.

Take that England!

Congrats West Indies!

Taylor routs England for 51

England Capitulation, Clueless and Shameful

Phelps-gate

Smoking the indo, by the window is sticky
Mad Izm - Channel Live/Krs-One

So multiple Olympic gold winner Michael Phelps, the man who set a record with 8, count them 8, he could give one each to that woman with the octuplets, gold medals in swimming in one Olympic setting was photoed hitting some chronic, taking a hit from the bong this past weekend.

To his credit Phelps seems to have claimed responsibility for his actions and that's commendable but still.

Well to be honest, and let me get this out of the way I'm not making up excuses for Phelps, he's an idiot, but I think the young man is just enjoying himself. Not that I saying this is in any means the right way to enjoy yourself just that the man was in training for years for his gold medal feat and now he has tasted success and fulfilled his dream he's wilding out with his new found stripper girlfriend and enjoying some 'erb and hitting the strip clubs. I mean all the man was doing was swimming up and down and down and up for years like some sort of trained seal, now he's on top of the game and living the high life. (pun intended)

No seriously not to give him a pass by any means but you can see he's probably just letting down his hair here after the strict regime he was on for years and he probably as a pampered athlete is really pretty immature. Plus he has big money endorsements now too so take immature add money and you know where that leads. Yep, insert Paris Hilton cutout.

That said still I am a little surprised by how muted the reaction is to this misstep by Phelps. I thought they had him big up as a role model and all that. I would have assumed that at the least a few of his sponsors would take him to task for being a jackass and getting photoed smoking even if it was only that one time he was sparking an L.

A "Next time at least make sure no cameras around you moron" or a we don't want our wholesome goodness tainted by a druggie like you comment so we are withdrawing sponsorship. I mean especially given this economic climate and a company could find an out like a morality clause for one of those big celebrity contracts and save some money I figured they would use it. So far though not one sponsor has come down on him. Wow!

Instead the ranks have closed and everyone has said is just youthful indiscretion forgive him. First time mistake, coulda happen to anyone, cuhdear we will forgive him etc etc. What gives here?

What about those other athletes who get caught smoking a lil spliff and the book is thrown at them. Why just last year NBA rookies Chalmers and Arthurs were caught with weed at orientation camp and had the book thrown at them and the press get up in an uproar and claim how much eediat and fool they were to be doing that and how they needed to be role models and set examples and was embarrassing the league etc etc. And it wasn't even like we had no pictures of them sucking a glass pipe.

So how come Phelps getting an ease?

And what about all the no-name not so famous youth that get arrested for weed possession nobody don't come out and say well they just kids, they immature, they was just experimenting, give them a ease. Naa star we throw the book at them call them druggies and addicts and point and warn our young girl children to stay away from them cause they aint going turn out nuh good.

So how come Phelps getting an ease?

I know the medals are golden but are they some type of currency that you can redeem for a vote of confidence or two excuses to escape public rebuke? If so I know O.J is probably wishing he had about two or three a dem right now.

They say well weed don't positively affect you as a sportsman it likely to negatively affect you so is all right, youthful indiscretion we give you a pass but you know my mind wonders what kind of reception a fella like Usain would have gotten if he was caught smoking up?

I don't think it would be the same but who knows.

14 pickney!

Wunnah hear bout the woman that gave birth this week in the US to 8 babies one time? Nuh lie, 8 in one sitting like how fowl duz lay eggs under ya cellar and show up 3 weeks later with nuff lil chickens pecking bout ya yard.

8 pickney! One sitting! Imagine that!

They say she was on fertility treatments so its not surprising that she had multiple births cause sometimes with those fertility treatments the women who want to get pregnant duz get more than they bargained for and come out with twins and triplets but octoplets? Wow!

But then today now they saying that the woman already had 6 previous children. So now she more than double up with that 8 and got a whole whopping 14 children. That right there is an NBA team including the bench and the injury reserve.

And the thing is the woman live home with her mother. Can you say lawless? You could imagine that? I mean I know a few lawless girls that live home at mummy and got two and three pickney but 14! That is taking it to a new level. If I was the grandmother I aint saying I would put she out but is either that or I personally pack up my own georgie bundle and find a new home and leff she an the 14 pickeny by themselves.

And what would possess you to take fertility drugs if you are already so fertile that you got 6 children already? Wha that could only got to be some sorta madness's!

Is different to when we were living in farm based societies and infant mortality was high. Back then ya did want as much children as possible to spread round work to so one could weed and the other cud hoe and the another cud cook and one cud milk the chickens and shear the pigs and so forth or in case one or two dead off from the plague or something so ya got ample backup but nowadays nuhbody aint checking fa nuh 14 children in this day and age. Two or three is considered enough even if somebody got 4 or 5 people duz start looking at them strange.

And you got to wonder about the father now. I hope she aint going have to go on Maury cause I know fellas wud be sweating bricks waiting to see if they got to pay child support for 8 children one time. Imagine that! Maury sitting down with the envelope saying "James in the case of 6 month old DaBarack,Labarack, J'Barack, Mobama, Brobama, Shabama, Shabarack and Tabamarack you are the father." That poor fella wud have a heart attack one time.

Which brings me to another question. How ya duz properly name 8 babies one time unless ya give them numbers? Sounds like a job for my naming tribunal. See how my words aint fall to the ground? I warn the President and he aint listen to me. Now looka this 8 baby name mess.

Limits

I may have mentioned it before but they want to have cell phone connectivity in the subway tunnels here. More minutes used, more money for big corporation coffers as maybe the last bastion resisting constant cell phone usage is destroyed. Oh well progress right and there is some benefit to having this option especially during delays! And who knows it may just turn out to be more extra background noise in the tunnels.

Still while on the bus ride home a few days ago as I inadvertently and rather unconsciously listened to a young lady's cell conversation as she seriously traced her baby fadda for not buying pampers I couldn't help but wonder about what other inappropriate conversations I'd be made privy to with this new cell phone plan.

I keep wondering about the limits between private and public these days where facebook status tells you that the Prince's girlfriend dumped him, questionable photos are a mainstay in online profiles and wholly inappropriate conversations occur in public places with people (of all ages) seemingly oblivious to the fact that they are sharing their life story and letting us know more about them than we should or really need to know.

Is it because this society allows us to believe that you are invisible, no one knows your name or that no one every really sees you? Or is it just that the line between public and private has blurred in this age of too much information? What does it all mean?

Is there a real benefit to knowing more? Is privacy dead? Is privacy no longer desirable?

I don't man, i don't know man, I don't know man, I don't know man, I don't know.

Dont get it twisted son

You better recognize!

Compliments Blog-TO via Second Shelf Life.

Eediat!

Ok Aaron McGruder is officially a moron. Love the Boondocks comic (not so much the tv series) but he's an eediat!

On the topic of race and ethnicity, McGruder said that to him, Obama is not black because he is not a descendant of a slave.

"The person who is one of us in the White House is Michelle Obama and her momma," McGruder said.

That dont even make sense man. Explain that to the millions of black people living in Africa. Oh I'm sorry you're ancestors never were sent to the new world as slaves so that invalidates your blackness. What a jackass!

Hail to the Chief

What can I say. I jumped off the Obama bandwagon after the election. Why not? I mean I supported him as the best man for the job and he won but there are two months between winning the election and becoming POTUS (President of the United States) so why not. Its not like anything was happening in those months really and I'm waiting for results when he finally is President.

Plus I get this feeling that many of the Obama supporters think he's going to click his heels three times (his mother was from Kansas after all) and suddenly recession over and war in Gaza over and we find a cure for Cancer, AIDS and the common cold and the world links hands and sings Kumbaya.

And ya know what! They might actually be right!

Didn't expect that did ya?

I'm being facetious mind you but still, no one can say that Obama and his election victory have not been good for the US economy and he's not even been sworn in yet. Unbelievable!

Think about it. Do you realize how much Obama merchandise has been sold in the last couple of months? From comic books (and since it was the only Obama merchandise I'd probably buy I'm mad I didn't get one last Wednesday) to sex toys, I kid you not on that one, and everything in between the visage of Obama has adorned more product than one would possibly believe. Mugs, t-shirts, key chains, trinkets of all descriptions, Obama has been moving some serious product. I mean Reagan and Clinton and those guys were good for a few t-shirts and Halloween masks but damn Obama's image is on everything. Too bad they didn't copyright that and start up a corporation cause if they had that might be the only stock in the stock market that was going up right now.

I mean its pretty incredible and I'd love to see someone release some figures on how much money the Obama image has created for the US economy in the past few months.

Then you have this inauguration thing. Everybody gong to this thing! People who faid to fly, who don't leave their house to go to the corner store, recluses, people that normally frighten for a lil crowd of two and three people, black people that you don't see at all from October to April and that duz hibernate when the first leaves start falling off the trees and only peep their heads out come spring, all running down to DC for Tuesday and they are coming from everywhere: out of city, out of state, out of country. Its bananas! I mean people flying down and driving down from Toronto, people flying in from the Caribbean. Everyone wants to glimpse the man and get a touch of the hem of his garment. You know how happy the airlines must be with the amount of travellers they getting for this event? And the car people and oil people and the hotel people must be just as thrilled too.

And its pretty amazing that these people are leaving their homes in other countries and going to cold DC to take part in this event and be a part of history given how unbelievably cold it has been in the North East in the past couple of weeks.

Imagine if they had had the swearing in in the summer?

Boy that Obama fella single handedly keeping this economy going! And he ain't even got no real power yet so yea imagine what going happen when he finally sworn in.

Me I'm sarcastic and jdid so I'm just waiting for actual results now. All hail the POTUS.

naming Tribunal

Dear Mr President Elect soon to be Mr President Obama sir,

Now I know that you are a busy man getting ready for your inauguration where cold, cold Washington going be packed down with too many people peeping for a glimpse of you cause everybody and their momma heading down there like is Freaknik or something so. And I know you got a lot on your plate; the situation in Gaza, the economy, Bin Laden, trying to stop Hillary from overthrowing ya, getting that College Football ranking system sort out, hiding and checking the scores on your crackberry and other important issues of state and such but I would be remiss if I did not bring to your attention another important issue that has flown under the radar for too long.

It is in regards to parents naming their children all sorts of foolishness. It was bad enough with all these la and shas and de and apostrophes and commas that people was putting in the children names but it came to a head this week when Lisa Bonet gave her child some name like rain storm beating on my window sill or something so and these people name their child after Hitler. lawd havest mercy!

This thing has gone too far Mr President. Clear off the desk Gaza can wait this issue demands your full immediate attention. It is time for decisive action at the highest level. Mek this thing a priority nuh man! I request senate hearings and committee briefings. Ya cud even name a secretary of child naming. I wud put my name in the running but I dont think I would pass the intensive vetting process cause I got a few people wid foolish names in my extended family too.

Dat dont mean that I aint against foolish names though. For a long time now I have been lobbying and advocating for baby naming classes to be made available pre-birth along with all those other classes on post-natal care that parents have access to. In fact my friend Bajansistren suggest that enough is enough and we need to have a baby naming tribunal. I totally agree with that idea.

You could even do it in an American Idol format. Three or four judges (again I would volunteer for that Simon role but that grueling vetting process might upset my applecart) and the parents come out with the name and it get voted on. If it pass you get a ticket that you can give to the authorities when you putting the name on the birth certificate saying it pass and you can proceed, if it fail badly back to the drawing board for you, if it almost there gi dem a lil suggestion and mek them come back the next day.

So Mr President looka Bush sit down and let this thing go on too long. It aint getting no better if anything it reaching epidemic proportions. Plus you know now you are a celebrity you going soon be inundated with children name D'Barack and Shabama and LaBama and such. Time to nip that in the bud. Its time for your government to come in and get the ball rolling quickly to show that you wont tolerate this nonsense. Mek a move man, mek a move.

Oh and good luck with the inauguration feting.

Jdid

Bubby-dus

(first in the written in Barbados trilogy)

And wunnah tell me Barbados doan got mountains. Chupse!

Looka I not suh sure what happened in Barbados the past few years cause I haven't been living there now for the last decade but I mean I noticed it this summer when I was there and just didn’t have the inclination to write about it then but well lets just say that something has changed with the women and the women’s fashions.

As I described it to a friend, its like there was an explosion of breasteses in the past few years as almost every woman young, old and in between is wearing some extreme-cleavage revealing or enhancing garb where the motto must be the more skin the better. Its was like being in a Russ Meyers movie at some points.

Where were these fashion options when I was a teenager, young single and carefree nuh? chupse!

I mean as I noted while walking the beach one morning it really is a thing when most of the women on the beach are dressed a lot more conservatively than the majority of women in Bridgetown during the day.

And as someone else noted to me when I told them about this well maybe they should consider changing the name of Bridgetown to Breast-town cause that was all that was on display from swan street to Broad street, high street, Marhill street and fairchile street and everywhere in between.

Now before ona dese young yams like Kami call me an old fogie and say I don’t know fashion its not that I complaining about the tit-illation (pun intended) I am just making a comment that modesty seems to have indeed left the building cause I know for a fact that that much skin wasn't on display when I was younger and could appreciate it lil more.

See I would have done a proper detailed scientific study and all that but its difficult to keep abreast (pun intended) of the comings and goings with so many subjects to choose from. All I know is that everywhere I went all I could do was look and try not to look like I looking but well the trying not to look was difficult cause like I said everybody and their mudda and I mean that literally was wearing some sort of revealing top so it was breasts staring at ya left, right and centre.

Now once upon a time it was bajan men that used to wear their shirts halfway unbuttoned and show off all their scraggly unkempt chest hair and such. Now the men learn to button up the button ups or dem wearing t-shirts and the women like they decide to flip tings and learn to unbutton or well just wear things that keep their chests looking like they want to bust (pun intended) loose.

And it wasn’t just one cut of dress either that I referring to. It was like almost every woman in Barbados just trying to accentuate that part of the anatomy and some women were so sizable they really needed to do the opposite of accentuate instead a mekkin we focus in on the top heaviness.

So there were the low cut tops, the v-cut tops where the v’s were real low, the absence of bras or the other issue where the ladies were clearly not wearing the correct bra size to go with their endowments. At first I played that one off as well maybe they don’t know nuh better or there is a lack of good bra sizers in Barbados but then I was informed that oh no they do know but they find wearing a bra clearly two or more sizes too small is a way to get that extra push up an push out look ie: that stand at attention look where it seems as if the breasts saluting ya and are trying to reach the chin or are coming together and collaborating on how best to make a break for it and jump out of the low cut blouse at any moment.

And as I pointed out before it wasn’t just one type of woman wearing these outfits. Big girls with plenty assets spewing over tight, tight tops or printed out in skin fitting blouses like if they flex like the hulk the whole thing pop loose and a fella lose an eye and small girls with not much to work with squeeze up and push out or wearing v cut things with no bras . Big hardback old women that really ya wud think should know and dress better and young young girls that ya figure their parents shud know better than to dress them like that. Somehow every and any women managed to get in on the action. It was quite a sight.

Not that I complaining! I just making a social commentary. This is what I saw and this is what I reporting so don't start off with no Jdid is a pervert thoughts. Wha I would gotta be Stevie Wonder not to have notice how these women dressing.

Still it gave me a thought. I feel the Tourism Authority should use this to their advantage and instead a promoting Barbados as land of flying fish and sun and sea we could do a thing with Bubby-dus land of the exploding breasts.

Well um is juss an idea cause the economy ain't dat good these days and sex duz sell.

What?

Lisa Bonet's new chile name is Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa (which apparently translates as the stormiest, rainiest night).

To think that someone named Lisa and a father whose name is Jason would do this to their child.

I'm not speechless I just cant think of anything more to say that doesnt start with what the ???

Things Brown

I hope allya didn't spend off big money at Christmas thinking this recession thing was just a slight blip and 2009 would be back to normal. Well if ya did and you thought things weren't that bad and this recession was just a passing fancy I have news for you.

Its real!

How I know its real? Well I always thought it was but just for further confirmation I open yesterday's paper and see a headline saying that a German Billionaire commit suicide cause his global empire ran into trouble with this economic downturn. Imagine that! The recession got billionaires killing themselves. What a ting! Tell me that don't mek ya realize how serious this thing is?

I mean we not talking about no I cant pay the light bill and my house get repossessed and I homeless suicide we talking about a cat that was a billionaire, lifestyles of the rich and shameless, caviar dreams and champagne wishes, private jet having, money wid nuff zeroes at the end falling off the page type of fellow.

So if things so dread that a guy like him say look I cant deal with this thing I want out, I dun, I gone, see ya, wha bout we dat cross hayso eating bully beef and chicken backs, with cheese cutter dreams and mauby wishes and trying to shuffle 10 cents from the light bill to the water bill? Lawd ave mercy!

And ya know a fellow like that with big money got access to nuff resources. So unlike we dat have to rely on the lies in the mainstream media where they try hard to convince us that everything gine be alright and not to panic and that we should go out and buy that new Buick and that enormous flat screen TV cause we really need them and it going help the economy, he is rich enough to afford to pay people to bring him the real news. So he must have had a few legit forecasts of the future showing him just how bad things going to get cause this thing only just start ya know.

So if he a fellow with the money and the info couldn't tek the strain and decide he couldn't tek it nuh more wha chance we pockets on E type people got?

Cuhdear!

Way to Go!

Today was cold! I left work at lunch to run an errand. Pick up some info I needed from some place. Was on a mission to start the New Year with action instead of my usual procrastination. Caught the subway, walked to the office, waited then asked for the info I needed, the lady repeated my query, I responded yes please. Got my info packet. Jet!

Got back to my office, opened the packet read the info and thought umm this somehow doesnt look right. Called, explained what I had and what really I wanted which I thought I had explained when I was there half an hour earlier. Oh no, we call that something else you need another info packet.

So now I have to go back sometime this week in order to get the correct info.

And my day was going so nicely prior. Grrrrrrr!

Happy New Years

Just got back from Christmas in Barbados with lots to blog about but just wanted to wish all my fellow bloggers and all my readers Happy New Year. Wont get into any of the depresssing details of my 2008 and I am not making any resolutions but I hope personally I have a better year in 2009 and I wish you the same.

More Times!

Shoe Bush Duck

Ok besides the fact that Bush has some pretty good reflexes do you know what I noticed about this whole throw the shoes at Bush incident?

Where were the secret service dudes? Was that one who stood up about 20 seconds after the second shoe missed? Talk about reflexes! Dude was like oh there goes one shoe , oh there goes another ok i'll count to 10 and then stand up in case there is like a third shoe coming at him. What happened to protecting the president at all costs? Forget taking bullets ya mean a fellow wont even take a shoe for the president. Cuhdear

Secret Recipe

Four months after a Burger King employee lost his job for taking a bubble bath in a restaurant sink, three scantily clad teens were fired when they turned a basin at their northern California KFC into their personal hot tub.

They landed in hot water with the chicken chain's management when one of the bikini-clad dimwits made the same mistake as the Ohio Burger King employee - she posted photos of the dippy escapade on MySpace.

Every time I see an article like this one I duz have to laugh and say boy technology mekkin we stupider and stupider. I mean ok its dumb enough that they get in the people basin for one and its dumber that they took photos thereby creating evidence to their crime but posting the photos on the web? Now that has got to take the cake.

I wont argue that me or my generation didn't used to do stupidness cause that would be a lie but when we did do it most times we would keep it hush hush or if not at least we were wise enough to make sure there was no photo evidence so that if it got around it was someone else's word against yours.

Of course we didn't have access to all these technological advances, the cameras and the phone videos and iblackberrys and the myface and spacebooks and such but still I'm willing to bet we probably would have been a bit wiser about who knew what we were doing.

I frighten that we future going look like the one in that movie Idiocracy. Lord come fa ya world!

Slow Down

After it happened for the umpteenth time this morning I figured I'd write about it.

Recently I wrote about parents who smoke while pushing infant strollers and those who push their strollers out into traffic assuming that everyone around them will stop. Well I've got another type of parent to complain about today: the parents driving their kids to daycare.

There is a daycare in my neighbourhood and every morning when I walk out to the bus I have to be doubly careful while crossing any streets (even or especially at traffic signals) because of the folk coming into the neighbourhood to drop off their kids who blatantly disobey the traffic rules.

Now you would assume parents driving their precious cargo to daycare would be careful conscientious drivers right? Nope! Many of them are full on road hogs or Nascar racers only concerned with making their pit stop as short as possible. I feel like if it was possible for them to drive by and somehow shoot the chile out the back window into a hammock at the daycare some of them would.

They will make their right turns at the crosswalk just as you are about to step into the street disobeying the stop signs and the fact that they don't have the right of way there. And don't ask how I know is parents doing the daycare thing that are the culprits cause I know the two or three times I almost get lik down at the traffic lights this year the culprits had a car seat in the back and turned into the the daycare cul-de-sac afterwards. Its terrible! And then another issue is them parking all willy nilly again ignoring rules in an effort to hustle their offspring into the daycare again with no disregard for other road and sidewalk users. Like during winter when the snow is piled up all along the roadway and they park at the only stop in the mountain of snow where a pedestrian can actually safely cross the street without walking through snow up to his kneecaps and they block your path with their vehicle as they hustle about their business. What you think the rest of us have time to wait on you because your task is that much more important than ours? Obey the rules man! Chupse!

But is the ones who drive through stop signs that annoy me the most cause that's illegal. Just cause you see another car ain't coming don't mean you can ignore stop or replace it with slow down because you haven't seen us on the sidewalk about to step out.

I think of giving them a few choice words too but I trying to respect the poor infants in the back seat so all I can do is silently mutter but one a dese days boy , one of these days.......

Escapees

All since last week I start to believe there was a conspiracy underway. A plot to escape, make a Prison Break like Mike Scofield, on a show that realistically should have only lasted one season but I digress. I keep seeing clues, tips that the plot had passed the planning stage and was now well into the execution stage.

What I'm talking about is the great escape of the gloves. Give us us free!

Seriously since last week everywhere I go I keep seeing lone gloves in the snow or on a subway seat or on the stairs or just lying about somewhere and since I dont see Michael jackson anywhere in the glove vicinity I can only come to the conclusion that the gloves are escaping from human clutches. Its like the gloves have decided they fed up with protecting hands and they making a break for it this winter. Except only one fella like he can escape at a time and the other poor fella duz be left behind as the scapegoat to try to do the work of two men.

It reminds me of the great sock escape that occurs everytime I do laundry. I think that crew just get tired of my stinky feet and somewhere between the washer and dryer they make a break for it probably via some secret tunnel built into dryers that I am unaware of but whatever the case one leaves and I'm left with one sock which really isnt better than no sock at all unless unmatching socks suddenly becomes a new style. In which case I will a fashionista!

So I believe that some unsuspecting soul one day put the gloves in the sock drawer and that the gloves learn a new trick and drew inspiration from these wicked socks' quest and decided to use the same tactics to arrange their freedom. Some sort of operation 5 fingers in effect or something so.

Soon all we going have to be like little children and clip the gloves onto our jackets cause you never can tell when a courageous glove trooper will yell geronimo and make a break for it.

I personally blame this increase on glove escapees on the propaganda about glove martyrs receiving 20 new fingers to play with in glove heaven but whatever!

So I keeping a special eye out on my gloves to make sure they dont think to try nothing stupid this winter cause I watching them like a hawk. They aint getting away at all cause both my hands cold.

Prorogued

What do you mean prorogue is not what happens when perogies go bad? :-) Ok bad joke but whatever!

This week a coalition of heroes approached the Haitian seeing assistance in getting rid of their enemy, the one with the greatest power. Apparently the Haitian couldnt help.

Sounds like a scene from the show Heroes right? Alas it was a scene from Canadian politics as it played out this week with Dion, Duceppe and Layton playing the coalition, Governor General Michaëlle Jean playing the Haitian (she is Haitian born after all right) and PM Harper playing the villain. Right now all we need is a solar eclipse and my analogy is complete.

In theory a coalition could work. If aliens from outer space landed and were running roughshod over the country perhaps a Liberal, a socialist and a separatist could put their differences aside and work together to defeat the alien overlords. A global economic crisis, however, is probably not enough for these three wildly divergent visions of Canada to gel.

That quote is from Rick Mercer. You can find his take on the situation here. Quite a good read.

Anyway in response to our current political crisis which I mentioned in my previous post yesterday the Governor General acting on the wishes of the current PM has prorogued parliament until the end of January. What that proroguing term mean, and I used to think it meant to be in favor of scoundrels although come to think of it you could still interpret it as such, is that parliament has been suspended. He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day I guess.

Doors lock, business aborted, wheel and come again if you please!

Now I'll be honest. At first when I heard that the Governor General was following the PM's suggestion I was vex. What kind of foolishness this woman doing I thought. But a few hours later I changed my mind. I think Madame Jean acted correctly and in the best interests of the Canadian people on this one.

Mind you it could and probably will still end badly but for now she basically saying cool your heels and lets see if we can settle this thing amicably or at least like sensible people with the welfare of the Canadian citizens at heart. So for that I commend her.

The problem is for all her good intentions she has probably just prolonged the inevitable; that being Canadians heading back to the polls early next year.

Lets examine the situation. As Mercer suggested there was no way a political coalition of those three parties survives long term, even short term its sketchy cause I'm sure its all smiles now but wait until Duceppe and Layton start flexing their muscles.

The other issue with the Liberal-NDP Bloc supported coalition is leadership and this is one of the reasons I think Jean did the right thing but we are headed back to elections. Stephane Dion by default is the leader of that coalition but Canadians have overwhelmingly rejected him as a leader. To even have him spend two days in the PM's chair is just ridiculous and a slap in the face to voters cause clearly thats not what they wanted. So a Dion led coalition is really not favorable.

And really he's not a strong leader. A coalition needs a strong leader to keep the divergent worldviews and minsets in check. You really think the PQ and NDP respect Dion? Nuh I doubt that.

And what was with that cheesy video they did in response to Harper's statement. As one news anchor quipped it looks like they shot it on a cellphone. Seriously if you want to bring your point of view to the people and cant find a proper camera to make a short speech telling us why you should be our next government then that really isnt a vote of confidence in your skills as leaders, managers or doers. It just says you're not ready yet. Silly silly silly on their part!

Then we come to the encumbant PM Harper. He started it all. Just couldnt play nice with his pals on the Hill. He is still PM but lets take a look at who was propping up his minority government in the face of opposition from the LIberals and NDP. Oh wait it was the Parti Quebecois who he just completely insulted over and over in his attempts to stop this coalition from happening. Does he think they'll support him now whe he's got crucial bills to pass? Nope so that means we'll have an ineffective minority goverment and nothing will get done. Just wonderful.

I could go on about the outcomes of any possible elections but all in all the verdict is that we here in Canada are faced with a political connundrum which we cannot really afford to have at this time and Canada could be poorly led for the forseeable future.

So much for first world status but then again I never drank the koolaid on that one.