Be-weave it or not!

daddy don't you know that things go in cycles
The way that Bobby Brown is just ampin like Michael
Q-Tip - Excursions

Realized I was on the whole kids thing this week (And I have another post about young people to post) so I"m going to switch it up.

Is it me or is the hair weave undergoing a serious revival these days? I mean a few years back weave was on the run. Natural hair, the dreads, the afros, the braids, the twists were running things up in the T-dot but lately I've noticed that the weave has made a comeback.

Its un-be-weaveable! Long long weave too I might add. Add that to the big shades and the shin high boots and tight tight jeans that the ladies wearing today and everyone starting to look like Lil' Kim ...with and without the boob job. Lawd ave mercy!

Ok well maybe I lie, the weave was never on the out completely, it was just on the low and wasn't as obvious as before. From the days of completely obvious weave we entered an age where the weave was undercover. Yea keep it on the hush. The weave was around its just it played the d.l. The weave tried to look natural. Natural weave, curly weave, weave parading as real hair. Undercover weave. Damn brothers was shook. How you expect us to tell if its a weave if it looks natural? We're not that detail oriented. I mean if it obvious obvious a fella might still spend nuff time wondering if its real or not so when it can pass for real hair then you got us completely lost.

And so the weave went unnoticed for years and existed along with the natural hair and the braids and sometimes posed as the natural hair and the braids. The weave was passing. It was an era of peace and tranquility.

But not any longer. The weave has risen again with much fuss and flurry! De Gal dem looking like dancehall queens again. The obvious weave, the shoulder length, jet black straight straight weave. Say it loud, I got a weave and I'm proud. That's right sister its your hair if you paid for it dammit!

But I not dissing the weave, to each them own and well more power to you for the weave if that's your thing. I'm just commenting that I'm seeing more and more obvious weaves these days. Don't call it a comeback but maybe it is. This whole fashion thing goes in cycles, the fro was big in the 70s and made a comeback a few years back, bell bottoms did the same and hey maybe its the time that the weave does the same thing. More power to it. I aint complaining as long as I aint have to buy nuhbody no horsehair. Ya can buy it yaself though.

Seriously though have you guys noticed more weaves than previously or am I just imagining things.

Signs of the times

"Me nuh kno how the yout get so"
Lil Rick

Where to start? Three stories converge in my mind tonight and they are all to do with young people. I think I'm getting old now because I'm starting to think like my parents did when it comes to the younger generations or maybe this new parenting thing has got a brother a bit more sensitive about this subject. Well maybe its a bit of both but lets see if I can string together something coherent here tonight.

Story 1: A 12 year old girl at an all ages party in the club district in Toronto got stabbed last Friday night or rather Saturday morning at around 2 am.

First off the girl who stabbed her was also around 12 years old which is rather disturbing but then I still remember the Boot Camp Click concert I went to back in '97 when this 14-15 old girl tried to come inside with a 9 inch blade in her bag. I mean one of them Crocodile Dundee knives ya kno! Like she name Shylock and she coming to cut a pound a flesh from a fella. And the Police actually didn't take it from her when they found it, they found it rather entertaining actually and told her to go leave it in the car she came in and then they would let her in. (Now of course if that was me with the knife I would be on the ground with about 8 bullets in my tail but that's another story) I remember this clearly cause I was right behind her in line to get in the club. Unbelievable!

But I digress. The bigger story is why is your 12 year old daughter at a club at 2 in the morning? I'm sorry I know they grow up really quickly these days but at 2 in the morning any decent little girl should be in their bed sleeping and any responsible parents should make sure that this is what is happening. 12 is too old to be going to big man area for all age fetes. All age fetes mean that she is probably partying with some kids who are up to maybe 20 year old or more, that just not right.

For the parent, its not like say right after school where you cant watch them and maybe they can get into trouble. Its after midnight you should know where your kids are and it should just be one place. Home! No way should this kid be downtown in an area where quite a number of big people have been injured in the last few months. That's just ridiculous.

Story 2: So I'm standing at the subway station waiting for a bus this evening around 7 pm. I'm just hanging around in my own zone not really taking in the hustle of everyone trying to get to their destinations. Then this short 16-17 year old dude and his shorter girlfriend in her Catholic school mini skirt walk over to where I was standing and basically invade my space. Its not like the station was crowded but for some reason he stood too close to me and she was on his arm like a yo-yo and swung directly into my path so I moved away to give them space. Fine! I didn't move too far though, its evening, its been a long day, I'm standing near to my bus bay and I just cant be bothered with these yout anyway.

All of a sudden and remember they are in touching distance of me, like I wouldn't even have to stretch out to reach them, the yout and the young girl start a kissing frenzy and this as I mentioned was basically very close to me. I'm trying not to look but they are between me and where my bus arrives and I damn sure aint moving cause I was there first and I aint looking no where else cause I looking for my bus but still its a little disturbing.

Then I really take a look at the girl, cause I'm thinking to myself what sort of training or broughtupsy she have to be kissing big man in subway station in front of so many people. Yea she's short but that don't mean anything, her skirt is as usual with these uniformed girls shorter than they should be for school , but when I look at her face I'm seeing 13 year old maybe 14 at the most. Young should be innocent girl.

I'm sorry but your 13-14 year old daughter should not be making out wid any man in public just so. These yout no have shame at all then. That nuh right!

Story 3: Well they say you shouldn't close the barn door after the horse had bolted but I guess someone has to try something. A father was in court in Barbados on Monday for chaining his 15 year old son outside in the back yard as discipline. Apparently the son was on drugs, ranting and raving and disobeyed some instruction from the dad. He left home and when the dad found him he brought him home and chained him up in the back yard by his foot. Somebody like they was having Roots flashbacks or something so. Pretty extreme but then again at least that sounds better to me than the parents who complain that their kids are beating them or they are afraid of their kids.

Ok so I cant rightly condone the father's methods (at least not in a public forum) and I believe its a case of bad parenting not solely because of the chaining but because the behavior of the child was allowed to deteriorate to the point where the father would think that chaining was the only viable option left. That shows that things were definitely out of hand if drastic measures like that were necessary because according to the Grandmother they tried everything previously so maybe this was just a last ditch effort to straighten out the youth.

As an aside apparently somehow it seemed to have worked though since the boy is reported as saying "It's all my fault." "I learnt something from it – that I ain't want to go to prison."

Still the part of the story that popped off the page more than the rest was the reported statements of the presiding Judge to the father: "If you want to talk about tough love, all you had to do was let him get a week at Dodds."(Dodds being the juvenile detention centre in Barbados). I'm sorry but lets see if my ONLY choices are chain child in back yard or let him get a criminal record and go to jail with a bunch of deviant characters who will teach him God knows what and do God knows who to him I think I'm choosing back yard. The worst thing that could happen to him in the back yard is that a centipede bite him or the rain fall and he catch pneumonia while the worst thing that can happen in jail is well you know what Idon'tt even want to encourage those thoughts here.

Actually even if I was the child in question and they ask which punishment I would prefer I think I would choose back yard over jail.

To be clear though if in such a position as a parent chainingwouldn'tt be my first choice or second or third either but its got to be better than prison. "Prison a no bed a roses." I personally think if tough love is to be shared out its better not to come in an institution with bars on it.


So there you have my stories; stabbing, kissing, chaining. What do they have in common? Just signs of the times I guess, signs of the times.

Respect

I'd rather be broke and have a whole lot of respect

Time's up - O.C

There is a lot wrong with the world as it stands today or maybe I'm just well on my way to becoming a dinosaur who hasn't adjusted to the subtle nuances of today's world. Whatever it is, one thing is for sure; things dun changed.... and not necessarily for the better.

The debate goes on and on as to why things have changed. Some blame the faster pace we live at, others Hollywood's influence, others today's music and still others the decline of the family structure and organized religion. Whatever it is, one thing is for certain society is not what it used to be.

Somehow along the way things which were taught by parents were no longer taught or maybe they were and the children just ignored the teachings. Manners and simple courtesies seem to have become extinct and behavior in public places has gotten to a stage where anything goes and anyone who disagrees is labeled not liberal enough or a prude.

Worst of all it seems like respect for your fellow man has vanished.

Back in the day there were just certain types of behavior that one didn't engage in when in certain venues or around certain persons. Not because said behavior was illegal or anything and I'm not saying that these behaviors were not indulged in at all just that there was a certain place and a certain time for them and there was a place and a time when they were not displayed. It was a matter of respect ...combined with the prospect of a degree of shame, I suppose, at being called out if one crossed those invisible lines and did what wasn't considered proper when and where one wasn't supposed to. Those barriers no longer exist.

These thoughts occurred to me today when I was on my way home and heard this guy swearing up a storm in what seemed to just be a regular conversation with a friend. I'm not big on the whole swearing thing myself but I figure to each his own and if that's the way you communicate well so be it. My problem with the public display was that it took place in the presence of other person's children who through no fault of their own were in close proximity. Here's your taste of the real world today little lads and lasses I guess.

No its not the first time I've witnessed such and probably wont be the last but it just struck me that even the most foul mouthed characters I knew as a youth would restrain or attempt to restrain themselves when in the presence of children and women. We all still knew that they were foul mouthed but at the same time they tried to give us a reprieve, shield us so to speak from that language and other negatives in society because of a certain respect for women and children.

Maybe I should be saying they were being hypocritical and what is done in the dark should be done in the light as well but I still think there was/is some merit in shielding young ones from certain behavior.

Anyway I didn't come here with the intent to preach and I fear I have so I'll leave it there.

Hospital or Pigsty?

Well this morning I woke up and as soon as I went downstairs I hear the wife complaining about some fella on Breakfast TV that say he get unfair in the Caribbean after breaking his hip. He claimed that the hospital facilities did piss poor (literally) and the like and he real vex.

Anyway I just dismissed that cause you know once something aint North American to certain people up here is pure criticism. That was until I started getting emails this morning about how if I see the people up here in Toronto dissing Barbados. I didn't even sure what was happening but then I read this story.

Lawd have his mercy, I had to ask if the fellas send the man to a hospital or a pig sty cause the fella family say: "There was urine on the floor for at least an hour near where I was" and "The bed railing they're probably 50-year-old pieces of wood tied up with gauze to the bed. There was basically birds coming into the room.

Well boy all I can say is its a crying shame. Thing is I aint know if I can defend the fellas home or not. I still feel in my heart that this fella exaggerating the truth and the media lapping it up cause we preceived as a poor third world country where everybody duz walk 'bout barefoot, live in a mud shack and duz beg tourists for toffees at de airport cause you know that is how everybody duz see all third world countries. But I mean even when I was a yout and my family was in the QEH hospital I never see no wooden railings so either things gone real backwards or well I don't know what to say. I mean wooden railings tie up with guaze? I vex then cause nuhbody home aint even inform me that we hire Mcgyver as the hospital director down there?

And as for the birds, close the window nuh man. I had to say the hospital fellas musse did think he was baby Jesus or something cause I swear the man describing a manger that them put he in. Birds is just one step short of animals. Next thing I would read is 'In the Evening Betsy the black belly sheep nuzzled gently at my toes while Suzie the brown cow ask me to size roun (size roun is bajan for give me some space in the bed)"

No man I really feel things were not as nice as they would like but I really don't think they were as bad as described. Or were they? Lawd ave mercy. Somebody home better respond and let muh know.

Mind you as my friends back home like to remind me we got a private hospital in Barbados that gets top marks so if he was so fully insured I don't see why they aint send him there instead of sending him to the public one where the service sometimes is questionable. Yea I would give him that one, sometimes the actual service at the QEH aint the nicest but at least I feel confident that the doctors there know what they doing unlike some I meet up here. Cause up here everybody specialized. You go to the Dr up here and tell him that your toe hurting you and he referring you to a toe specialist. Then you go to the toe specialist and say "man my lil toe hurting me" and he duz look at ya and say "oh sorry I can't help ya, I is only a big toe specialist let me refer ya to a lil toe specialist" and by the time ya get an appointment wid the lil toe man your toe nail drop off and ya whole foot gangrene.

But back to the poor fella that break his hip. I surprised I aint hear that he drop in a pothole on Roebuck street and that is what cause he to break his hip but who fault it is that the Canadian healthcare sucks and they couldn't find a bed for him up here? Cha! He should be glad that when he went to the QEH they aint send him in the Casualty, make him wait 12hrs and then send he home wid two Panadol.

Anyway I shouldn't make light of the situation. I feel sorry for the old guy. Plus this is a serious accusation (causing me to blog at work) so I hope the fellows in Bim aware of what happening and if something wrong at the hospital they'll fix it cause World Cup just around the corner and for all the talk about encouraging tourists if one of them get injured and get bad treatment at the QEH we going to get real bad publicity and no tourists.

muttering

Back in the day when I was young I'm not a kid anymore but some days I sit and wish I was a kid again.

You realize you're getting old when you link up with someone and realize oh man its been 15 almost 16 years since last I saw you ........yet it really doesnt seem that long. Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slippery son of a, that time. Oh yea he waits for no man too.

But really 15 and a half years thats like a lifetime when I think about it yet it still seems sort of fresh like yesterday. Perostrokia, Mandela's release, the fall of the Berlin Wall and the first Gulf War are still fresh in my mind too and they were about 15 and a half years ago but hell I remember Lech Walesa and Solidarity, the Falklands war when HMS Sheffield got sunk by French made Exocet missiles and West Indies cricket when we were good so what does that say about me. Either good memory or I'm old.

Well whatever, I'm not one to complain, I actually dig the grey in my hair, life is about getting older. The minute you stop getting older is the minute you die. Its just life. Life and Time, time and life, time life, time for life, time to get a life even. Time just ticking just tocking. Ya dont stop!

15 years though. Thats even B.C. Before Canada, before I left home, before I started to roam, before I lost my dome, before I wrote poems before ...... before, before life got complicated, I got frustrated filled with hatred , before I lost my way, before I became Jdid.

And yo things change now unno see sey life hard. 15 years is a long time. Computer revolutions, dot coms, internets, ipods, dvds, SARs, 9/11, fab fives, wu tang clan, biggie-tupac, jay z, laffy friggin taffy. What the!

Why is it that everything and everyone I remember seems so much smaller when I see them again after a few years. Is it that I've gotten bigger, think I've gotten bigger or just keep memories that are larger than life? Back to life, like Soul II Soul, life its for the living, its what you make it, it sucks sometimes, it runs hand in hand with that time dude. Life and Time, time and life, twice in a lifetime, life lines , in life's prime, life's fine sometimes, life of mine.

Time. Its been 15 years since I last saw you, 3 years since I've been home, 8 years since I've been to the US, countless eons or so it seems since I've been in Canada, 6 years since marriage, 9 years since university, 7 years since sitting to watch my last live test match, 1 year since my last hip hop concert, 3 years since my last Raptors game, 8 - 9 years since I last played basketball, 5 years since I've last been east, 9 years since my last grandparent died, 8 years since I died, 8 years since I've last cried, 14 years since I last felt like I knew what I was doing.

In this illusion, I'm dis-illusioned, its this confusing, is this amusing?

15 years like whoa thats a long time still, you've mellowed ...alot but it was good to see you again.

Dear Mr spammer

Hi

How are you today? Ok lets just cut to the chase. Every day ya sending me these emails that got me worried.

I dont know who you got spying on me or who giving you false info but contrary to what you think currently I have no need of Viagara or Cialis, I do not need a more powerful enlargement or to heighten sensation. Also I would like to know who tell you that I need to enhance my anotomy? Wunnah got secret cameras on me or what? Ya mekkin a fella feel real self conscious when he go in the bathroom these days.

And where you get this information that de wife complaining in the bedroom? See dat is just pure misinformation. Looka de woman duz complain in the kitchen and the living room too. In fact de woman duz complain all ova de house but wunnah stressing this she complaining in de bedroom thing to mek I man look small (no pun intended). Dat not right ya kno!

Oh and another thing. NO I do not need to enhance my breast size.

Thank you.
Jdid

Pregnancy, Delivery, Fatherhood

Quite a few folks have been checking back asking about Jdid jr. All is well, he's settling in and its only been two weeks so there isn't that much to report unless I become all gushy about his raising his head, or staring at us or losing his umbilical cord or something of the sort but that's not my style.

However I do have a few short thoughts on the whole thing, from pregnancy until present so I'll try to share them in a few small to the point paragraphs (yea like I can actually do short paragraphs).

- Baby class Part 1 - The wife took me to some pre-natal classes to get up-to-date with things since I man was/am generally clueless. I mean originally I thought baby class was a class to teach you baby talk so you could communicate with the chile. You know like goo goo ga ga translates to "I'm hungry" and ga ga goo goo means "I'm wet change me nuh man" and goo goo goo ga goo goo means "ya ugly man, you aint my real daddy". Of course a chupse is still a chupse.

- Baby Classes Part II - If I have to hear the word placenta one more time and its not Biggie singing "The What" someone is getting hurt.................

- Baby class Part III - The birthing films they show are extremely graphic. Mind you before showing them they told us it was not as graphic as the stuff on the Learning Channel. They so lied! After the first one the teacher had to look at the wife and say 'Where is your husband and who is this white man sitting in his seat" . True true, that was how pale I was after watching the film. nuh lie!

- Prior to the baby's arrival I was sporting a beard. A family member saw me the Thursday prior to the baby's arrival and told me to shave cause I frightening the baby from coming. True to form Sunday morning I shaved and he was here Sunday night. If I had known this would have happened I would have held out to see who would blink first. I wouldn't have shaved all like now and I'm willing to bet he'd have to arrive before I cut my beard.

- For all the things we were prepared for and techniques and maneuvers and the like things were thankfully relatively simple (Amen!) and we (hear me like I do something) the wife had a pretty easy delivery. With that said I just wanted it in writing that the yoga preparation class she dragged me to wins the award hands down for biggest waste of a Friday night that could have been spent liming with the boys.

- True to form the wife interrupt my plans for the NBA all star game by having the baby that day. Gee some women will do anything for attention aint it. Well at least I didn't ignore her till the game was finished. "Contractions, chupse woman ya best behave yaself till Lebron win this game!"

- On the way to the hospital, actually just outside the hospital there is sign for some fund raising campaign they are having. The sign says "Bigger, Better, Faster". Hear me now in the car to the wife "hmmm bigger, better faster. Well let that too be your motto". The other folk thought it was funny. Mind you I don't think she heard me with all the pain she was in...although I believe subconsciously it helped. Way to go, must be the first time the wife ever listen to me.

- After the birthing films mentioned above I had no intention of being anywhere in the nether region when the baby arrived. Oh hell no I man was staying at the head. I didn't bring my smelling salts and I wasn't looking to faint and embarrass myself. However I must say that's not what happened and I was actually there holding hands, legs and assisting with breathing, telling lies through my teeth to the wife to get her to push "one more push girl, one more it almost finish", and watched the whole thing from start to finish. Pretty interesting actually and no way near as disturbing as watching the films.

- I even got to cut the umbilical cord. Damn those things are huge, I always imagined something thin and string like, its big like a rope used for tying out cattle.

- The wife is being hailed up as some sort of modern day superwoman. First child, no C-Section, no epidural, short labour, all natural baby. Everytime the story is relayed to some other female I can see this mixture of respect and amazement in their eyes. Its as if she saved people from a burning building or something. She's reaching iconic status. I wouldn't be surprised if some women out there are nominating her for sainthood or the mayor appear at my door with the keys to the city the way this story is going. All I have to say though is she should be giving me a lot of props cause if she did marry a fella wid a big head she would be singing a different story all like now.

- Baby furniture. Either they give you way too much info, or way too little. Its either hold rod in hand, place rod through slot b, (turn page) hold nut in other hand, attach nut to rod which could all be done in one line rather than 5 diagrams. Thats the too much info case the opposite is when they give you these illegible diagrams with more arrows than an NFL playbook.

- Babies. Is it just me or are babies like the most environmentally unfriendly people out there or what? I mean lets examine this whole eat, crap, sleep thing. Well lets just examine the crap part. You've got your choices, disposable or reusable diapers. Disposable you are just adding ridiculous amount of stuff to the compost or landfill. Reusable you are continually washing, using up our precious water resources or adding phosphates to the environment. Its a no win situation. I propose a disposable diaper made of mulch and grass which you can just throw in your backyard as fertilizer for the lawn. Mind you the lawn will probably smell like a landfill in a couple of days and the neighbors will not be pleased but you're sure to have the greenest lawn on the block by the time the child is 3 months old. What? I'm just trying to look out for my fellow man in these environmentally serious times.

- I now have a new vocabulary of baby related items like "onesies", "stomach time", and "swaddle". Aye Carumba!

- Vaseline is now my new best friend. Seriously I does got this child greasier than a piece of KFC.

- Damn how did two black people get a chile so light skinned eh? All the wife telling me is he look like me and he only so light cause he "strike back". I aint know what she talking about cause the only strike back I know is Empire Strikes back and I hope she aint trying to tell me Darth Vader is he father. Anyways watch for me on Maury coming next month. Just kidding apparently I was a very light baby at birth too.

- So far he's not been overly disruptive to my sleep (except last night when I woke up at 2 and didn't get back to sleep till around 6.

- Baby car seats. The come in different weight ranges and with the laws being that under a certain weight kids must mandatorily be in a car seat or booster chair it means over the course of the first couple years of the baby's life you have to buy about 20 of those things. Nice scam!

- Maybe I mentioned this before but everyone has baby advice. Note to everyone Jdid isn't big on advice. Not that I feel I know everything (I know nothing for the record) and wont listen, its just kind of weird getting advice from folks who previously have said like 2 words to you ever.

- The baby hasn't chupsed yet. I think he read the last blog and decided that it wasn't in his best interest to do that outside of the womb.

- Sorry no baby photos on the blog. The way I see it I really aint the type who feels comfortable with my own picture on the net so why put up the baby's. Plus a lot of crazy photo crap been happening lately too so yea sorry but I can describe him to you: He red, he getting fat and he has a big heap of curly hair on his head.

- Friends and family keep bringing gifts which is great but some of the gifts are "brand name" clothing. Looka wunnah setting a dangerous precedent for the yout cause I aint buying he no brand name clothing. Not that I didn't have brand name clothing when I was growing up cause as a yout I used ta rock GITAMUH like there was no tomorrow. Wait ya never hear bout GITAMUH? Yo that's was one of the roughest brands out there. I'm sure some of y'all must remember it. Like when cousin Leroy last chile outgrow he clothes and them get gi-ta-muh (give to (me) muh). Y'all understand now? I talking about hand me downs. Oh gosh man like wunnah aint gettin the joke yet.

- I have given up diaper changing for lent. How ya mean if I can do that. And why not? They say give up something for lent, why it cant be diaper changing? The wife say no but who is she to get between me and my religion. I firing the diaper thing for lent, the baby could either hold it in or he could change them himself.

- Random thought. are babies in nudist colonies allowed to wear diapers? hmmm

thursday morning addendum: You've heard of symathetic pregnancies where dudes get morning sickness or grow breasts when their significant others are pregnant well the first few days after the baby came home I had symathetic baby eating syndrome. Everytime the yout start eating I was rushing to the pantry for some sort of snack or meal. Go figure.

Give me a break

After this post you can say I'm not an animal person if you but I don't care.

All week long everytime I turn on the television I've seen a newstory about this police horse who was deliberately hit by a van as a suspect fled the scene. The horse was badly injured and had to be put down.

Ok its a touching story and I'm sure those that worked with the animal feel a sense of loss but dammit this horse is getting more television time than actual human beings who have been killed in this city.

Then I read today that there were 1200 persons at the memorial service for the horse. Damn!!

Don't get me wrong, I love animals and I feel a way that one of God's innocent creatures is dead but see me I aint going to no horse funeral.

I wont say its just a horse but yes that's what it is, it is just a horse. Human beings get murdered, get hit by cars on the daily and they don't get this kind of press. They may get two days of coverage until the next tragedy but certainly not daily reports since February 24th up til now. Whose life is more valuable here that's all I'm asking? Is it wrong for me to think that something is askew with our thinking when an animal gets more mourners than a human being.

And don't say more folks knew the horse, the only reason that's true is because he got more coverage.

eediat ting dat!

Heard about this story? This French man allegedly drugged at least 20 of his daughter's tennis opponents so that she could win games (all unbeknownst to the daughter of course). The father, a former military guy, would put this anti-anxiety drug in the opposing player's water causing them to get drowsy and have heavy legs.

Of course that's bad but what's worse is that one of the guy's he drugged (he also drugged some of his son's opponents as well) ended up driving home while still under the influence of the drugs, apparently fell asleep at the wheel, crashed his car and died.

OUCH!

So now dude is up facing twenty years in jail and has admitted to drugging his kids' opponents. I think he should at least be charged with manslaughter for the guy who died as well.

Sometimes parents just go too far (I hope I don't go off the deep end like that) and we've all heard stories in Canada about the hockey parents who end up fighting with opposing players, parents of opposing players or refs. The typical response is its only a game and that behavior should be inexcusable and that's correct but when you look at these situations closely and ask why you've got to factor in the big business that sports is these days.

These parents probably see their kids going pro and making money. The parents themselves see their kids as this large investment that needs to pay off so they go crazy if anything stands in their way. Its still inexcusable and extremely dumb (eediat ting dat!) though.

The parents probably feel like they have more invested than the kids because sometimes the kids are just there to have fun while the parents are overly emotional and ready to do anything necessary to see their kids excel. Pretty sad aint it?

In this case the dude is claiming he felt like he was being judged by his kids performances. I guess he never figured that now they would probably be judged by his as well.

Black History Month

Last year, last February to be exact I really, really wanted to do a black history month post. It wasn't my wish to drop any serious black history info though moreso it was just more of a why black history month type of post but I figured maybe it would be misconstrued and I shelved it. However this year is another year.

No I'm not questioning the need for having a month where the history of black folks is celebrated here in North America (that would be another post), my issue is more like is Black history month as it stands actually serving the purpose for which it was created. Are we really receiving a better understanding, shining the spotlight or gaining knowledge on black issues, history etc during this month.

To me the answer is no. Black history month has gotten all ho hum. The thrill is indeed gone.....well at least up here in the T-dot.

And since I cant speak for the U.S experience my frame of reference has to be the one in which I'm situated ..... Canada namely the T-dot and I'd say Black history month needs to be revamped or something up in this here place because its sorely lacking these days.

Now I'm not sure how black history month is going/went in the U.S but I think maybe one of the issues with it here in Canada is that its an idea which just hasn't been transferred well. And one of the reasons for that is that while it may be true to some extent that all blacks are alike, or at least that's how we are perceived, we have a whole lot of differences that are just not taken into account in this whole black history month thing.

I read skimmed this article in the Toronto Star on Saturday and it sort of agreed with my take on black folk here in Toronto.

I mean lets face it Canada is not the U.S. There is more of a bonding, a common history to the majority of blacks in the U.S. Even with the many immigrants that country has had over the years one must realize that the US started with an already large black population due to slavery. Plus over there, folks just get assimilated, everyone stands for the red, white and blue.

Here in Canada its just not the same. First of all we started with a smaller 'indigenous' black community (by that I mean those who were brought here as slaves). Differences tend to stand out more. We can be black but we're also Ghanaian, or Scotian or Bajan or Trini or Somalian (and of course if any of us ever screw up we all immediately become Jamaican) most of us are either direct immigrants or first and second generation Canadians. We live here but are we really all about the Maple Leaf like those in the US are about the Stars and Stripes?

No. We (the blacks in Canada) generally have a stronger link to the history of our home countries, (and don't be fooled into thinking all of our home countries are alike because they may be an island in the Caribbean or on the African continent they are not) the history of the Norman Manleys, Errol Barrows, Eric Williamses (and I'm not talking about the disgruntled Raptors player), Jomo Kenyattas than we do to that of the Abrahams and Mary Ann Shadds.

What I'm saying is that in Canada it seems as if the differences seem to mean as much as the similarities to us black folks. We are all black but somehow that banner doesn't encompass us all as easily as it does in the US. Well until it comes to dealing with "the man" or "the system" and the like because then all differences aside we are all black.

Attempts are made during black history month to get into the history of black Canadians and to 'big up' the achievements of contemporary blacks but they don't seem to have any punch, just a bunch of fizzle. Take for instance the annual black history month poster. Great idea to showcase a few of our community's finest but does this really work. The poster just sits there, no real explanation. No one really highlights the contributions of those individuals, sometimes its difficult for me to even figure out who they are.

Anyway I still think Black history month is necessary in North America if done correctly to at least give some of the black youth a sense of worth. Its a bit different for persons like me who grew up with black leaders, lawyers, doctors, police and the like in the Caribbean. I already know that we can achieve anything, sky's the limit, never had issues with identity or self worth but this generation growing up in Canada well they do need some help.

Yes I believe every day should be a black history day but if we're celebrating an official month I think more effort has to be put into really putting together something to make the kids proud of what their ancestors achieved. Maybe we need to incorporate some of those black figures from the countries of our ancestors into the celebration and show what we are truly capable of achieving.

Maybe we just need to promote this black history month thing more. I really don't know.

Can ya help a brother out

I saw this on userfriendly.org which is a pretty cool site in my opinion (sorta like Dilbert but for techies). Thought I'd share. Go check out userfriendly yourself too, like I said its a cool site.

Winter Olympics

I've seen a few posts on the Winter Olympics amongst the regular sites I visit. I cant really say too much on these games as I've been a very infrequent viewer of the whole thing myself. Yea I love sports in general but I just never got with the winter thing. Yea ok you don't find a lot of blacks in this arena I guess that may be an issue but for me I think its more of a cultural thing. I wasn't raised in Canada or the cold so skiing, ice hockey, skating and the like are just rather foreign to me. So the same way I wouldn't expect most Canadians to follow cricket I just cant get with the Luge, speed skating or curling. I'll watch it if its exciting though, which completely rules out figure skating, so I did see a few events just never really invested any emotional or mental energy into following them.

Canada did really well in the Winter Olympics this year with a record 24 medals. I always wondered in the past why Canada was always so crappy at these Olympics. I mean its not like we don't have snow and cold and ice and the like so what gives? We should be like Winter Olympic superpowers because God knows we seriously struggle to win medals at the summer Olympics. Oh right I forgot Canada doesn't put much money into sports.

Anyway what limited viewing I did of these Olympics raised a few questions for me which I felt like sharing.

One. Who designed those medals at Turin? You know what I'm talking about. The medals that looked like huge donuts or rather bootleg dvds.

Two. How does one decide that one wants to be involved in something like the Luge? Not questioning it as a sport just wondering where on the earth I'd go to find a Luge track, doesn't seem like something you could easily put your kid into.

Three. (Stole this one from Amadeo). Why isn't snow shovelling an Olympic sport? For that matter why isn't running for the bus after a bout of freezing rain an Olympic sport too. How about driving on the highway in zero visibility in snow and slushy conditions. Now that ish deserves a medal!

Four. If it was anyone other than Wayne Gretzky in charge of Hockey Canada how much more critisism would one hear of the Olympic team and its failure to win a medal? Yea they took mucho flak but imagine if it wasn't Gretzky it would have been a straight crucifixion considering their showing.

Five. Why am I even doing this blog when I clearly don't care enough about the Winter Olympics.

Coincidence?

Have you guys heard about the huge bank robberies in Britain lately? On Thursday, a bunch of criminals kidnapped a bank manager and his family and forced him to help them steal 40 million pounds in some town in the Kent region. Check this link for more details.

Then today in Belfast, Northern Ireland using a similar M.O, criminals robbed another bank of around 200,000 pounds after kidnapping a manager and his family and forcing him to help them commit the crime.

Hey wait a second! Doesn't Harrison Ford have a movie out, released like last week, in which he plays a bank employee and part of the movie synopsis reads like "When a ruthless criminal mastermind (Paul Bettany) kidnaps his family, Jack (Harrison Ford) is forced to find a flaw in his system and steal $100 million."

Coincidence hmmmm!

All I have to say is that its a good thing that Firewall is a Harrison Ford movie and not something starring someone like say I don't know maybe umm the rapper 50 Cents. If this was a 50 cents movie ya dun know we would hear how the man promoting violence and he needs to be banned from entering Britain and how he influencing the yout and he need locking up and all sort of stuff like that.

I lie?

You're not going to hear that Harrison Ford need to be banned from entering Britain though. Why that would just be preposterous! Pure poppycock indeed!


And while I'm making these incredible, incendiary type comparisons just for the hell of it let me hit on another crime that caught my interest this week. A 50 something year old Canadian couple was killed in Mexico this week in what appears to be some sort of professional killing as they waited to go to their daughter's wedding the next day. Pretty sad story when you think of it.

Now I don't know all the details and to be honest the press has been kind of sketchy with info but I see their names, their photos, where they are from in the GTA and I see the words professional killing and well I could come up with one conclusion which its possible is way way off base but hey if they were black folk from Jane n Finch, or Malvern I would have seen as equally an invalid conclusion in the press so I wont feel too bad about my conclusion.

Which brings me to the point. When a crime involves black people up here even the innocent get painted as guilty. Ya dun know if it was a black couple who had been offed in Mexico somebody would have dropped the obligatory 'he/she was known to the police' even if it was just that the poor fellow accustomed to saying a regular good morning to Officer Browne when he see him on the road. I lie?

But if the crime doesn't involve black folk, even if it is a quote unquote professional hit you don't see the wild speculation and innuendo spreading in the press.

I dun wid dat I got diapers to change.

Race Card

"Racism still alive, they just be concealing it."
Never Let you down - Kanye West

Was reading an article on the new TV 'reality' show Black White created by Ice Cube. Remember Fox had/has a show called Wife Swap where families basically swap moms well this new show, apparently starting in March on FX, could be alternately entitled race swap.

The premise is one familiar to anyone who has read John Griffin's Black Like Me where a white dude somehow, on purpose, dyed his skin to appear black and used that to try to find out what it was like to be a black man. This show however doesn't use dye it uses Hollywood makeup artists to change the skin color of two families, one white and the other black, so that they can pose as the opposite race and experience what its like to be someone else.

And of course given its a reality show, both families have to live under the same roof for a given amount of time so we can watch some exaggerated interaction.

Sigh! Although the producers talk a good game with quotes from Cube like he hopes that the project "will expose the subtleties of racism, the layers of racism" I really cant see this show as anything more than your typical reality TV fodder which will play up the extremes for increased rating share.

Trivialize racism by reducing it to a reality TV series we can laugh and joke about at the water cooler why don't we. Ok so maybe we should be discussing racism at the water cooler and this is a good way to get a discourse started or so it may seem but in reality, well sorry in my opinion, racism really isn't that good at the water cooler cause some folks just never ever get it.

Oh well maybe I'm being too harsh, maybe there is a point to getting racism out in the open Hollywood reality style. Maybe it'll make discussion of racism cool.

Naa this show will gloss over the essence, stick to the predictable, the trite and the already known giving us a bunch of stereotypical behavior from both sides while introducing new hip phrases and trends into the public lexicon. Get ready for the n word debate, the typical so-called 'hip hop' behavior, the purse clutching, and the like while the deeper attitude issues get ignored.

Its good to read during Black History month that we are preparing to trivialize racism but maybe trivialization is the only way to start discourse who knows.

8:21PM

The arrival of Jdid Jr. Told them he would come during the BBall all star game maybe I should name him Shaq or something. Mom and baby seem to be doing well. On my way back to the hospital to spend the night.

ps: A brother watched the whole thing and didnt faint or wasnt weirded out or anything.

Ads gone wrong

Well imagine my surprise when I came home tonight and was told that the Alexander Keiths' guy had been arrested for child porn. I mean those beer ads were actually some of the funnier ones on TV. What's next? Nobody better say anything bad about the Canadian Tire dude who one of my friends says reminds him of Flanders from the Simpsons. lol.

Ok so yea unless you live in Canada you probably wouldn't get the jist of the comments made above so I'll quickly explain. The Alexander Keiths guy is this guy in an ad for the beer of that name who has a thick Scottish accent who sees himself as a defender and protector of the beer which he is promoting. The Canadian Tire guy is this guy who is always promoting some tool, or handy household gadget available at the Canadian Tire hardware stores. He's like a goody too shoes type, all happy smiley, friendly with the neighbors and all, sort of like Mr Rogers meets Tim the Tool man Taylor (if Tim actually knew tools that is).

Still that wasn't what this blog was to be about. I wanted to talk about how some ads work and some just don't. Well actually I just wanted to talk mostly about ads that don't work. An example are a couple for the same product which have been airing in Toronto lately.

Picture this. A yout out on a tandem bicycle with his chossel (girlfriend), they are all happy and smiling and its a lovely bright beautiful day. All is well la la la la la. All of a sudden they ride under a bridge/underpass or some sort of tunnel. As they emerge once more into the sunlight, the girlfriend is gone and in her place is this dude (see accompanying photo), complete with royal robe and crown. The yout looks back, sees him and looks a bit alarmed, the robed man offers him a burger, he accepts and continues pedalling and smiling along the way. Clearly he and that girl were not as close as we thought because the woman disappear and he doesn't really seem to care.

Again picture this. You are in the laundry mat washing some clothing. As you close the door to a dryer you see the said dude standing there with his robe and crown. He offers you a burger, you accept , the ad closes with you eating the burger and homeboy spinning around some of your underwear on his fingers.

Ok , hold up! Is it me or are both these ads highly questionable? First off the choice of spokesperson/symbol of the guy with a mask and crown is disturbing. Maybe I've watched one too many bank robbery movie but that mask makes me think homeboy is some sort of stick up kid looking to snatch your hard earned dollars.

Ok I mean yea imagine I man Jdid on a bicycle with a chossel, she disappear and in her place is a dude in a dress wearing a disturbing looking mask offering me a burger. Now ya dun know that couldn't work with me. First off bicycle stop pedalling, I hollaring out fa blue murder and I running or I at least asking where the woman gone. Then if I don't get a satisfactory answer again I'm either running, shouting for the police or the fella with the crown getting two big rocks in he head cause I would feel that he kidnap or attack the woman that was with me on the bike. Dares not he offer me a burger either cause first the woman disappear and now he coming to drug me. Not me and that! I cant even give the police a proper description of him since he is wearing a mask. No bosie, not me, my mudda say ya shouldn't eat from strangers and I wasn't going to be eating no burger from him regardless of how hungry I was at that point. No star that no mek it.

Second ad, again same thing. Who are these lickerish people that if an unknown man, out of the blue, offer them a burger they accepting and yamming it hard. Where ya duz find these sort a people? These are the sort of people that duz get things do to them an then complain that somebody put something in them food, drug them and had their way with them.

I mean first off look at the way the man dress. He look like he could be in his right mind? I could understand if it was a fella looking a certain way, sorta trustworthy or something and you take the burger from him (mind you I aint telling wunnah tek no food from nobody ya aint know cause them trustworthy ones might drug ya the same way quick enough too) but when you look at this man face and see that mask the first thing you should be wondering is who he is that hiding from me. Then you look and see the robe and crown and you should be thinking this fella head like it bad, I wonder which madhouse he get away from.

No way you taking even a sweetie (piece of candy) from he.

Then now he twirling around the fella underwear. What! These people like dem mad of something. From the time that man touch my bividees lashes sharing. If I cant get close enough to hit he some sorta soap powder or clorox throwing in he direction but he is not to touch my underwear.

cause see me, anytime a man come up to me in a mask and a dress, ok fine a bath robe or a royal robe in public something wrong. He up to some sort of deviant behavior and I aint want no part of he or that. No way I accepting any burger, hot dog, ham cutter, pork chop, or even pieca shirley biscuit from he. I aint want nothing to do with he and he better not try to trouble me. lol

Anyway I just want to know who are the geniuses that came up with this ad and if a fella in a mask wearing robes , that kidnap my girlfriend and then playing with my underwear supposed to be encouraging me to eat food from this place.

Valentines Day

Always have to preface my Valentines greetings with 'Even though I don't celebrate Valentines day' but yes I'm just here to wish everyone who celebrates it a happy valentines. Enjoy yourselves. To tell the truth I've come far in recent years in that I actually acknowledge the day these days.

don't know what its like in the other Caribbean countries but when I was growing up in Barbados some folk just took it overboard with everyone wearing red on Valentines day. Lets just say it was interesting.

Regarding Valentines day though one of my issues with it, and I have many much to de wife's chagrin, is the way it makes some single persons feel. This day can really drive some single folks into depression and I just don't like that. I can somewhat understand a day to celebrate relationships or love but the day seems geared to making you feel like less than a success if for some reason you are single at that time. To me that's just wrong.

So to any feeling depressed by this day please don't get caught up in the hype.

Anyway Valentines day is significant to me because its ironically like my year and a half blogversary. One and a half years writing this crazy stuff, who knew. Will keep it short, just want to thank all those who put up with my ramblings. Respect!

This and that

Been pretty scarce the last few weeks and I may become scarcer just getting ready for the baby's arrival and all that but thanks to the folks who continue to read here and to all my fellow bloggers whose sites I check sorry about not being a frequent visitor of late. Between work and painting, putting together stuff and just getting prepared at home. In general its been hectic.

Oh and to all those who checked out TTC drama hoped you liked it, thanks for the motivation to finish.

"That Jdid he's so hot right now!"
On another note the line above was supposed to be a take from the Zoolander movie because somehow or the other a brother like me got nominated as one of the ten hot bloggers of 2005. The wife say "hot wha? man dem really doan know you cause you aint even lukewarm den, chupse!" Boy all I have to say is a good thing they never ask for a picture before the nomination or they would take me off the hot blogger list immediately and give me the ugliest blogger alive crown cause some people say I duz mek Shabba look like Denzil.

But seriously hot blogger? What me going do with that now? I going have to start dressing different now, get me an entourage and stand around street corners going "wha gwan daughter, come check de I. ya neva know say me a hot blogger fe real!" I actually tried that this weekend and it somehow just didn't really work. Oh well back to the drawing board!

Anyway all jokes aside it was/is kinda cool being nominated. Makes a brother feel appreciated plus I'm in such wonderful company as Brother Buck who has one of the coolest blogs out there and some other cats who actually write for a living. Wow! Much love to Princess Dominque and whoever it was that nominated me. I'm just trying to hold it down for the T-dot and my West Indian bredren dem seen! p.s: Princess wunnah sure, sure there aint a monetary prize involved cause you know I could always send Theophilus to pick it up. If ya think the man had nuff chat in the TTC drama wait till ya hear him give acceptance speech, Wuhloss! :-)

And oh before you ask a brother is not a terrorist, you'll get the joke when you see the nomination photo lol.

On another level must say that we're missing the sistren Dorna and the bredren Shotta and my man Luke Cage from the blogworld lately. Not sure what's up with any of them but I hope they are all safe and return to us soon.

In other news yes the baby is due this month. Will keep you guys updated.

Oh and after a pretty mild December and January, February in the T dot is looking to put things straight for winter and bring the cold, the snow and the ice. Yea just when I thought winter was going to peter out a bit, February has brought the -15s type temperatures and the snow along with it. Just waiting to see how it all plays out but seeing as how mild the past two months were I really shouldn't complain that much if February reverts to true form. Of course really shouldn't doesn't translate into will not cause it still will always be too cold here for my comfort.

Finally, got to say Rest in Peace to Chantel Dunn, a 19 year old York University student who was murdered here last week. Looks like the shooters were after her boyfriend and she got the deadly bullets instead. Its pretty sad to see a young black sister go out like that and its even sadder to see the apathy displayed by Toronto. Oh wait election times done and she was after all just a black girl and it didn't happen downtown so who really gives a damn. Anyway my home girl Urban Sista breaks it down quite well on the whole topic so I wont repeat it here just check out her site. Rest in peace Chantel you'll be remembered and you'll be missed!

Dilla's dead

J Dilla died yesterday at the age of 32 from complications related to Lupus.

James Yancy aka Jay Dee aka J Dilla first came to my attention as a part of the Umma collective of producers who worked on a Tribe Called Quest's farewell album back in 1997.

Over the years he has been one of the many influential hip hop producers on the underground scene but never seemed to become one of the big names. Dude was strictly underground, raw, not commercial. He was never a top 10 radio producer like Dr Dre, Jazze Pha, Timbaland or Pharrell or those guys you see in the limelight but he was just one of the guys who the guys in the know checked for. He brought that head nodding vibe without the glamour and glitz. To paraphrase Tip he was in the cut call him incognito, Busy makin joints that will bump for the people.

Cant say that I checked for all his work (although some of my boys are big Slum Village fans I never really felt it that deeply) but just going through liner notes or seeing his name mentioned as producer on some obscure track on some obscure underground mc's album was somehow cool like oh this cats got Jay Dee producing maybe he's worth a listen.

He has produced for such notable artists as Janet Jackson, Busta Rhymes, A Tribe called Quest, Black Star, Pharcyde, De La, Common with whom he did some of his best work on the Like Water for Chocolate album and he released the Champion Sound lp along with fellow underground artist/producer Madlib a few years back.

He was a former member of Slum Village (those cats with the new General Motors ad that runs like a music video), in fact their most well known member until he left the group a few years back, and produced most of their earlier work including Fantastic Vol 1 and 2. Heads be always comparing that Slum Village work to the old Tribe stuff (much like they are doing with Little Brother today) but you got to give Dilla his props cause he had his own sound.

Kind of funny just this week I was telling my wife that I was trying to find homeboy's album. Well not trying to find since I knew where to get it, its just I was trying to find it at a price that appealed to me which had led to a foray into numerous record stores in an effort to find the best deal (Still haven't bought it yet actually).

So I know that most, the average person when they think Hip hop thinks 50, Jay Z, Eminem or whatever else is popular on BET and the radio these days but cats like Dilla that was where the real hip hop resided and why cats like me could still say without it being a lie that Hip hop aint all that bad. Yea the fun stuff, the non-aggressive, non obscene, non-shake your tailfeather, non-hard out there for a pimp, non-20 video girls in tiny bikini stuff may not get the airplay or the public attention but it does exist and in greater abundance than one may think. J dilla represented that. Not the gangsta, thug machismo aesthetic, but as my man Obi would say just beats, rhymes and life.

Rest in Peace Dilla.

TTC drama Part 3

Finally! Sorry for the wait folks.

In case you just tuned in and missed part 1 and part II.

Theophilus Adolphus Bourne: Crunk? Well I thought um was drunk cause listen let me tell you then I would gotta be DRUNK ta listen to dat CRUNK. Dat is bare noise den! Barely confuse a fella head. But anyway ya did want me to tell ya the story.

Rufus E Smith: Yes sir Please continue.

Theophilus Adolphus Bourne: So yea we gone down the road now and pass a few stations everything operating as usual. I deyso listening, enjoying the vibes, (gives Rufus a look daring him to say anything) just minding me own business like most people and I did still a lil tired so I start nodding off cause I find that the subway duz always send me ta sleep. Dat duz happen ta you too? Oh I faget wunnah so big up posh reporters doan tek the subway. chupse!

So my head deyso nodding. Boy I was tired fa true. It remind me a de day I fall sleep and wake up at Kipling (end of the subway line) instead a getting off at Yonge and Bloor. I did suh late fa work dat day that is a wonda de boss din fire me on the spot den.

I see.

Anyway, I dozing off and the lil "ping ping pong!" sound that the subway duz mek when the doors open and a whole heap a people rush on the train was waking muh up at every station. Nothing out a de ordinary happening though till all a sudden at Donlands this big able two tonne woman try an squeeze sheself between me an anudda fella.

OK

OK?? How you mean ok? Man dat did far from ok ya! Chupse! Looka Ah mean the woman was bout suh broad so den (opens arms to full length to show lady's girth)! BIG! Wuhloss, she did suh big TTC shudda mek she pay two fares den. BIG! I aint exaggerating den but the wuman was bout the size a ona dem delivery trucks from The Brick! I aint lie man! And she get in look an see it din nuh big lotta space between me an de odda fella, a average size body might barely fit but she squeezing she big boxie self in between two a we widout summuch as an excuse me please. chupse!

Dat sorta behavior duz get pun my nerves ya kno! I mean she had muh squeeze up in a lil corner ketching a hernia den!

but to be honest I juss glad she boxie sumhow manage ta fit cause I aint de biggest fella bout the place an if she did miss an sit down pun me wuhloss boy I probably wun be here to tell you this story.

Then what happened sir?

Hol on I gettin to that! So she got me squeeze up now worser dan anything I ever experience in ona dem Cave Hill Zr vans and I real real uncomfortable. We pass Pape and now get to Chester. I deyso trying to protect wha lil space I got before the woman kill muh ta death cause I almost start feeling like I ketchin a bad feels. I mean de wuman had muh squeeze up so tight I couldn't even get up ta get way from she den. I did just deyso barely praying that she was getting off before me cause if we did get to Yonge and Bloor an she din get off yet I doan think I wud be able ta move. I might juss gotta sit down deyso and wait fa she ta get off first before I cud get off.

ok.

Anyways all a sudden juss before the bad feel ketch muh an I loss 'way I think I hear the "ping pong ping" again an den I hear sumting like sumbody holla out 'you push me!' in a real real loud unmarley sounding voice. Well I was deyso struggling against this wuman that trying ta crush muh so I din pay that much attention until I hear anudda lil high up voice holla "No um is you dat push me"

Then what sir?

That is then I look up I see dat said girl dat juss leff hayso pun the stretcher stannin up near the door and she face all up in anudda wuman face.

Then what happened?

I getting to that. Then she say 'you push me' again and she bounce the odda wuman.

Bounce sir?

yes man bounce ya kno like chuck she den. (sees clueless look on reporters face) I gotta spell it out fa you or wah? She shove the odda wuman wid she body den. Cheese on bread! You like you went school punna Saturday or sumting so ya kno.

Ok.

And the odda wuman push back the said same way, um was tit fa tat!

Can you describe the assailant sir?

Yes she did big and fat and thick just like Captain Sawyer say he like dem, she had on a red flower dress look like she bring a whole garden in the train den and like I said before she boxie was real real big and she had muh squeeze in the ....

What! No no sir, I'm talking about the two ladies fighting.

So why ya ask me about assailant then cause the only assailant I see is the wun dat assault me wid she deadly behind. That thing almost do me permanent damage boy. You play you aint kno den! Looka you like you aint understand me when I tell you she almost kill me ta death, ya!

Can we stick to the two ladies who were fighting sir. I'm just trying to get the details.

Details? Well looka if you did wanta know wha "de assailant" look like suh bad ya wudda been on the train. And anudda thing besides. whapart you get this assailant ting from doah? You is a undercover policeman or wha? You trying ta mek the wuman inta sum sorta criminal now? Ya know what was really criminal?

No Sir.

That fat wuman dat almost squeeze muh ta within a inch of muh death. Now dat was criminal. Sumbody shudda get lock up den! Looka I did deyso ready ta call the priest ta issue last rites cause lemma tell ya boy if.....

Well sir one person's nose was broken. Assailant is just....

I know wha assailant mean but you aint even hear the full story an you labeling the woman one assailant. See dat! I did know from looking at you that you is ona dem fellas duz mek up news.

No sir, that's not it at all, my apologies. Please continue with your story.

Which story?

The one about the ladies fighting?

Oh dat wun. Alright then!

Please continue sir

Alright, well like I say the two a dem start bouncing up one anudda and then the odda wuman...

the assailant?

Chupse, looka I gine dun this story if you doan stop wid dat nonsense ya kno.

Sorry sir please continue

The odda wuman did look real vex and cruel that this wun that just leff on the stretcher bouncing she.

What happen next?

Well this same girl dat get she nose brek push she hand in de odda girl face.

Did you see all this occur sir?

Well from my lil vantage point squeeze up against the partition almost loss way from the squeezing that the wuman giving muh in de seat I din seeing tummuch but I think I hear the odda girl holla out "tek ya hand out my face, I warning ya."

Then what.

Well sum odda fella in the train say sumting like "um is a new year cant we just all get along". chupse but I aint know why he wait till then ta say all dat cause he cudda say dat from evasince when he see me getting squeeze kill by the fat wuman. Anyway the wuman holla out "I tell ya tek ya hand out muh face" again an next thing I know it was like baccanal in de Savannah. Sumbody swing a lash and let go two belly searchers and whax palax next thing I know the woman was holing she nose and running fa de emergency button.

Belly searchers? So there was some sort of weapon involved?

No man a belly searcher is a cuff in ya belly man. See you you like you aint ready atall ya kno

But if she got hit in the stomach how did her nose get broken?

Wait wha you asking me all dat fa, You feel I hit she?

No sir I never said.....

I aint hit she ya, looka doan try ta pin this pun me cause I know you lookin fa assailants an de first body wunnah duz look at is a black man. Looka I aint assail a fella, the only a sale I know bout is the wuns dat Sears and de Bay duz got pun weekends ya. 50% off this dat an de third.

Looka I was getting crush ta death in de corner why you doan investigate dat instead a tryin ta pin things pun me uh. I musse look like a scape goat ta you nuh but ya lie, miss Bourne fourth chile din born neitha poppit.

No sir you've got me mistaken. I'm not accusing you of any wrong doing.

Oh ya got dat right cause I aint do a fella a pang !

I'm just querying how it was that the victim's nose was broken if she got hit in the stomach.

Well I aint investigate all dat man but I hear dem say the elbow bone connected ta de kneecap bone an the finger bone connected ta de shoulder bone so maybe de nose bone connected ta de belly bone. I doan know an doan ask me eidda cause I aint a doctor.

So you are saying you didn't actually see the specifics of the altercation then? But when we started I asked if you had seen the event take place.

Well looka you ask if I witness it, an I witness it fa true ...from a distance an wid me face squint up in pain from the squeezing that the big wuman was puttin on muh but ya neva ask me bout no specifics an in what detail I see um.

So you didnt see the actual events?

Well I see sum a it but I hear more dan I see cause that woman had me near pass out from the squeezing till muh eyeballs was watering so I couldnt see summuch but I hear.....

Rufus E Smith:(very upset now) But I asked...... (sees Theoplilus getting upset and sighs) Well that was a waste of mine and the viewers time.

Theophilus Adolphus Bourne: Waste a time? looka you got me a fella dat doan talk nuff stannin up hayso talkin ta you a good half hour, telling you all this big lotta long story an now you tellin me is a waste a time? Chupse, looka I know from evasince I shudda gi you a good ............

Wait dat is the time fa true. Oh shoot I late! You lucky boy cause if I din late you woulda see who God ya serving taday.(Theophilius stalks off angrily muttering under his breath turning to give Rufus some angry looks)

Rufus E Smith: Well folk sorry to have wasted your time this morning back to the studio, Bob?

Cameraman: Bob! Waste time? Ya mekkin sport boy I cut he off wid all dat lotta foolishness bout 20 minutes ago. I was just pointing the camera so he wun start cussing we.