Tuesday, January 24, 2006

TTC drama part 2

Much love to those who read Part I and left comments, haven't had a time to respond but glad you enjoyed it

In case you missed Part I here it is.

Rufus E Smith: No sir, that's not what I meant. (sighs!) Could you just tell the viewers at home what happened on the train.

Theoplilus Adolphus Bourne: Oh yea, I almost faget bout that. Yea so like I was sayin I get to Kennedy Station and get on the train. Now this marnin was a good marning cause de train din full like usual so I was able to get a seat. Plus we din had nuh delays nor breakdowns like sumtimes. Cause ya know sumtimes soon as ya reach Warden station the train fella duz come over the loudspeaker and say "this train is outta service" an then ya gotta get up and wait pun dat cold cold platform fa anudda train. An ya kno summa dese unmannerly people doan even let ya get a seat when ya get back on always pushing ya at the door an ting so. Boy de people in this city aint got nuh manners ya kno.

But wait you kno wha I juss juss realize?

No sir.

You ever realize that the only time ya duz ever hear dem train fellas properly is when dem tellin ya dat the train out of service? Any other time at all at all, all ya duz hear is like two words and then bare crackily sounds coming through the loud speaker.

I never noticed that sir.

Fa true you sure?

No sir I've never noticed that phenomena.

You sure, sure?

Yes sir.

You sure sure sure?

(Face starting to look upset.) I'm POSITIVE sir

But wait, tell me sumting. You duz ride de train though?

Not usually.

Chupse! Wait so why you aint juss say so instead a trying ta mek me look like a poppit or a liar uh? All you had ta say was I got a big motta car an I duz drive work. Simple so. Instead you got people feel like I hayso mekkin up things an you tryin ta mek me look like I aint got nuh sense. Talking bout you POSITIVE and this an dat. Chupse! See how all wunnah big up people duz treat the poor man. Looka you aint kno if this so n so camera wasn't pointing at me I wudda .............

Just calm down sir, My sincere apologies I didn't mean to offend you.

Ya lucky I in a good mood ya cause you getting me vex!

I'm sorry sir it wasn't my intention. Now sir could we please go back to the story. Tell the viewers what happened on the train.

Alright lemma finish this off quick then.

So like I did saying. So I ketch the train an I sit down, plug in the Ipod and start listening to some serious vibes juss trying to hol a lil breeze before work.

Did you say Ipod?

Wait wha wrong wid you? You deaf or wha? Yes I say Ipod. Wha happen now? I look like I cann own a iPod? Or you tryin ta say dat I look too stupid to be able to work ona dum? Which wun you trying ta say uh?

(starting to sweat) I wasn't implying anything of that nature sir, I apologize profusely if that was the impression that......

Ya betta had cause you, you threading pun real thin ice ya! I warning ya. Looka I will have it known dat I up on all the latest technologies; iPods, mp3s, DVDs, PsPs, beeveedees all dem sorta things man. I in touch an in tune boy. So doan get uppity wid me.

Sorry sir.

Anyway like I was saying I plug in the iPod an was listenin to some serious vibes man.

Serious vibes?

Yes man, ya kno I gettin the feeling that you like you aint got tummuchy tummuchy sense ya kno! Wait how you get this job? You know sumbody dat did work at de station?

Music, man, dat is what I talking about. (clears throat. Starts singing again) 'I'm too experienced to be taken for a stro-o-oooooll! Too experienced for someone to rock 'n' ro-o-o-o-olll!" How ya like dat singing boy? ha ha, I cud still carry a tune. Ya kno boy dem real lucky dem put a age limit on Canadian Idol cause if I did lil younger I wudda mash down that show den.

Ok! Well Sir we are running out of time here so you've got to speed up the story a bit.

Cheese on bread den! You in real nuff rush man. Wha happen you from Rush-ia or wha?

Its not me sir but my producers are telling me to speed things up.

Speed things up? Speed things up? See dat is wha I doan like bout wunnah young people, always in tummuch rush. Dat is why summuch blood pressure, hypertension and heart attack and cancer stirring bout the place. Wunnah neva hear tekkin time aint laziness?

I agree sir, but could we get back to the details of what happened. And just for our viewers, the paramedics have just finished removing the injured passenger and she is on her way to the hospital with what is being reported as a broken nose.

Cuhdear, poor she, she aint had nuh right messing wid de odda girl though.

So continuing sir, what exactly happened here?

Well looka you really wanta kno fa true? Alright well lemma tell ya. Ummm amm but remind me how far I did get cause I like I faget.

You were on the train listening to some 'serious vibes.'

Wait you mocking me now?

No sir, not mocking just repeating what you said.

well um soun like you mocking me an I doan like dat at all.

No sir believe me I was not mocking you.

Alright but I watching you close cause you starting ta ar-ga-vate me.

No need to get upset sir. (changing topic) So you were listening to music on the train.

Yea man serious vibes boy, serious vibes! (clears throat starts singing again) "I'm too exp..."

Sir you sang for us already.

So wait ya saying ya doan like my singing now?

No Sir, not at all you have a lovely voice.

Oh so um is the song you doan like den?

No sir, not at all.

So if um aint the singing um gotta be the voice.

Not at all sir but (pointing to watch) ....

Well if um aint the voice um gotta be the music. Chupse! See I tell ya wunnah young people doan know good music at all den. Dat tune is a classic man, a classic! Looka last week I did home an I hear sum foolish loud ruck tuck music pun the radio and the man on the radio say dat is all the latest thing dat popular. Call um sum sorta ammm ammmm drunk music or sumting so.

You mean crunk sir.

Crunk? Well I thought um was drunk cause listen let me tell you then I would gotta be DRUNK ta listen to dat CRUNK. Dat is bare noise den! Barely confuse a fella head. But anyway ya did want me to tell ya the story.

Yes sir Please continue.

--------------------------------------------

I'm going to stretch it out Part III so stay tuned to the ( maybe not so) stunning conclusion of TTC drama same bat time same bat channel.

17 comments:

courtneyelizabeth said...

lemme go read part I

4panist said...

you just stretching it out to cause me misery! this bredren is getting on my lass nerve den! what happened next???

Miz JJ said...

Lol! I love the Rush-ian part. My uncle says that all time. Yuh rush, yuh rush, yuh rushen meh, what? yuh a rush-ian. Hee. Good times. Great story.

Urban Sista said...

*dead* @ "Cheese on bread den!" Lord have mercy! That sounds like my cousin back in BIM. Hee hee! Boy, you does talk a lot of ignorance. But I laughing for so!

BajanQueen said...

LMAO......

I love it...can't wait for part 3!! Bring it on Theoplilus! ~lol~

Cheese on bread....hurry up nah man!

~Smooches~

ProfessorGQ said...

I need to read part one also.

Campfyah said...

Wha you very bold and tekking up summuch time pun de people TV doh..wha happen tuh de girl

Dr. D. said...

Back to read later or tomorrow...

'ka said...

LOL... ok ok... now i'm waiting for part 3 :D

Stunner said...

Either this reported have some serious patience or him nuh have nuttin better fi do.

Xquizzyt1 said...

ROFLMAO!!! Hilarious... I was so mad when he broke out with the Barrington Levy. ROFLMAO

I'm sooooo mad that he STILL hasn't told the story!!! LMAO

*waiting for Part III*

Guyana-Gyal said...

HILARIOUS.

Listen JDid, if you wrote this all by yourself, and is all yours and yours, try sell it, man. Sell it as a play or tv show. Me can see Oliver as Theoplilus Adolphus Bourne

It GOOD FI REAL. No joke.

Lene said...

lol @ "cheese on bread"

this story is too much jokes. it's so true about the annoucements. when the stinking train is out of service, you can hear them loud and clear. when the train has stopped for no reason, they dont tell you ish.

Scratchie said...

just read both parts...waiting on III. why yuh dragging it out...cho..... :D

Dr. D. said...

Hilarious....

Bwoy, this man fulla attitude....if I was the reporter I woulda tell him 'bout him rass long time and abandon the interview!! ;-)

TGIF and enjoy your weekend rude dude.

Barbados Free Press said...

Hi Jdid

We all loved your TTC story. I visited Toronto years back but man ---- too too cold for me.

We like your site so we have linked to it at ours as a permanent sidebar link. I hope that is ok.

Marcus

Barbados Free Press

jelli said...

I'll be waiting patiently on Part 3.