Monday, January 21, 2008

I can see clearly now

Dear Neighbor on the corner,

Look is not that I don't appreciate your willingness to share your bounty of wealth with us your fellow neighbors. No is nothing so at all. I am all for your community minded spirit of giving. More power to ya and I wish that more neighbors shared your spirit!

And is not that I jealous of your bounty of riches or anything so. No far from that, I am quite delighted in your windfall and aspire to be just like you one of these days.

But my friend, let me give you some advice. Invest in some curtains nuh man, some beaded blinds, some bamboo shutters, drapes even hang up a lil sheet or something so cause fa me personally I really don't need to see what you watching on your tv.

I mean cheese on bread yes ya got a 72 inch LCD HD with DVD or whatever size big behemoth tv that even Stevie Wonder could see in his sleep but that don't mean that ya got to share the tv wid everybody in the neighborhood so.

I mean every evening I coming home and from 'bout two blocks up the road I can see what it is you watching. Today it was Dora de Explorer and even though I marveled at the HD like pretty pretty colors of Dora and her cousin Diego that were jumping out at me from the tv screen coming through your window, I, a man in the street, and not only a man in the street but a man in the street two blocks down the road aint have no right seeing your tv clearer than the Cinema screens at Scarborough Town Center.

This is serious ya know. I mean yes the neighborhood fairly safe and all that but my man that don't mean you need to advertise that you got a television screen so big that people can turn the school parking lot three blocks away into a drive in. Ya just asking fa trouble with that.

Yes the living room is all glass and ya gots nice furnitures and knickknacks and whatchamaycallits and ya got a nice view that ya can recline an watch the tv and look outside and see the lawn and the birds and the squirrels and all sorta nature in the comfort of ya own home but would it kill ya put up some curtains?

I just telling you this for your benefit ya kno.

Still who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth. Next time I pass by I bringing long my lawn chair an pull up wid a drink an sit down and start watching the tv. And doan feel that you gine change the channel to get me to move ya kno or doan play ya getting vex cause I outside peeping in ya house cause clearly you trying to run some sort of cinema and I feel that I wouldnt be doing my neighborly duty if I didnt sit down and give you some company outside. A mean ya might feel that we ignoring ya or not supporting ya or someting so i I dont do that.

And while ya at it looka try an watch something more entertaining man. Some football or basketball or something wid some shooting or some car chases or some sorta action would be better. Dora is nice but big man aint gine sit down outside an watch that forever.

Yours sincerly
Jdid

ps: Wait ya kno I feel my universal remote will work wid dat big tv so doan feel the tv possessed with evil spirits if all a sudden the channel change to Sarah Connors and you see two big red ugly Terminator eyes staring at ya or um change sudden, sudden so to Top Model cause I want to see Tyra in HD LCD, blue ray DVD life size vision.

Oh and tell that big head chile of yours to stop walking up an down in front the tv every two minutes before I come inside an pop two slaps cross he head. He aint kno big people outside trying to watch tv. Like he trying to offset my concentration. chupse!

20 comments:

Crankyputz said...

lordy you make me laugh....mental image of you and the wife watching tv on the lawn chair...

Charles Follymacher said...

haha! jdid, me an my wife wonder the same thing re our neighborhood. and we've seen it in other no-financial-problems-here 'hoods -- seems these folk are not too enamoured of blinds and curtains and such. glad you see it too, we've been scratchin our heads about it for years.

p.s. sarah conners chronicles?...not feelin it. thank god 'the wire' is back.

Urban Sista said...

You are ridiculous. Yuh know when someone brek in de house yuh neighbour gine bawl fuh murder.

GC said...

we had no curtains for a while
but it was because the blinds were horrible and falling down and we had no money to put up curtains
but then we have no big screen tv

and Sarah Connor is so good I actually take time out and visit my mother to watch.

Amadeo said...

Yo...that goes on alot. I'm dying that it's not just an American hood thing.

Radmila said...

I've tagged you, Jdid...sorry.

CT said...

I see the same thing in my neighborhood too, and one of the houses has the kids shows on too whenever I drive by and say the same thing about them not having curtains. I realize a lot of people in this area don't like to put anything up at the window.

I do have a 50" projection TV that stopped working, so I'm in the market for a new plasma of HDTV LCD too.

Abeni said...

lol,jealousy will kill ya

r-dean said...

ha! too funny.

Lola Gets said...

Man, you got me crying over here! To tell you the truth, I dont have curtains on my main bedroom. It faces the street outside. Ive had lots of people - including cops - tell me to put up some curtains, but I havent yet. And Ive lived here for 7 years. So, if youre in my neighborhood at the right time...you just might see a show - a LIVE show, if you get my drift!

Ahahahaha!

L

aquababie said...

you had me cracking up! i always wonder why folk don't put curtains or blinds up. that was the first thing i bought in my house. i didn't need nobody seeing my goodies! LOL

Anonymous said...

Hey Jdid, dis Dr. D...previous blogger jus a pass chru you site. You gave me a good laugh, but I check seh you envy de rude bwoy fe him TV! ;-)

Leon said...

Maybe the guy's doing a public service by letting others watch TV, thinking it's too big for him to keep to himself. Or maybe he's just showing off.

inciquay said...

Post of the day! Urban Sista had exactly my thoughts too ya know...but if they want to bait people so be it! LMAO!

Melody said...

Thank God it's all PG an' all de action is on de screen -- back in J.A. ah used to have an exhibitionist neighbour who you wouldn't want: a chubbyish white guy wid a skinny girlfriend, both of whom ah woulda never recognise if ah ever saw dem wid dem clothes on!

Deelze said...

LOL...too funny!

Miz JJ said...

Loves it. At least they are only watching TV in their livingroom. Imagine a different show. LOL.

Stunner said...

LOL! I guess they sayin' if you got it flaunt it! Hey that universal remote trick would be fun! :)

Mad Bull said...

Dus' out the man eediat pickney yes! But seriously, I don't think I would want more than a 52" TV. Then again, I've never seen any that were bigger, who knows how I'd feel if I saw one.

The man should close his curtains for real.

longbench said...

You are brilliant! I laugh till my stomach hurt. Every day I have to endure the neighbor flippin' big screen tv; the glare killing me flowers and blinding mi puss! One day I gwine turn the verandah chair to face dem house, and see if the universal ting work. I will let you know.