Take a bite out of crime

Great Scott are you a thief?
Seems like ya got a mouth full of gold teeth!
Slick Rick - Mona Lisa

I remember when I was growing up you would find the odd guy flashing a smile with a bright gold tooth. It was kind of cool I guess but I always thought of those persons as somehow shady, must be that old adage "every skin teet aint nuh laff" that I was exposed to although I'm not sure exactly how that fits in with gold teeth. It was like maybe you were using that gold tooth smile to hide some personality flaw. You know like the gold tooth back then was what flashy cars are to guys today; it was a way to compensate plus it was a girl magnet. Dudes with gold tooth were straight players, macks, even pimps.

Fast forward to the 2006 era and a single gold tooth is no longer the big mouth accessory it once was. Now it Grillz. I'm talking about those ice grillz, those ridiculous fashion statements made popular by mainly rappers over the past decade or so. Forget a single gold tooth this is all about filling one's mouth with plates of jewels and precious metals. I mean my dentist once tried to run game on me with the old saying that a good smile is worth a fortune. (It was his selling point for why I should get braces to get rid of the gap in my teeth and it didn't work.) Well in this case when one has those grillz the adage seems very true cause a smile with those grillz really does cost a fortune.

Forget rings, chains and bracelets lets put all the jewelry in our mouths.

And some of these grillz are like removable dentures so you can wear your platinum one day and your gold the next day while others are permanently bonded.

Take a bite outta crime wash it down with some juice
Das Efx - Dead Serious

Well in the case of two criminals in a US Federal detention centre they almost bit off more that they could chew by having permanently bonded grillz. Read here. A judge ruled that the grillz they had in their mouths should be seized. Hey the government has to find the money somewhere to pay for their incarceration. The authorities were about to rush them off to the dentist to remove the grillz when it came to light that they had the permanently bonded ones and that removal would be damaging to their mouths. Oh well. I guess sometimes you can take the proceeds of your criminal endeavors with you when you go to jail. So let that be a lesson to all you aspiring hoodlums. Forget the chains, the fancy cars, and the big houses. The law can take that stuff from you invest in grillz instead and you can take that everywhere you go.

But this whole grillz thing got me thinking. Some guys' mouths are completely full of these things and they cost thousands upon thousands of dollars. How does one eat with platinum, gold and jewels in one's mouth? I know I would be feeling really worried that I crunch down hard on a pieca ox tail and hear 'crack' and lost pieca tooth. I would have to switch to a straight liquid diet. No more ox-tail, chicken, even pasta cooked too "al dente"would have me worried. I might even got to cut out rice and peas cause knowing my luck two rice grains would get stuck in a tooth and dislodge something expensive or I might turn around and where I had a diamond all I would see is two black eyed peas staring back at me.

Plus I would have to constantly walk with a mirror in my pocket because I would be checking every two minutes to make sure that I aint lost something expensive. No boy it would be too much stress on me to have jewels in my mouth.

The whole grillz business also got me wondering how those things duz feel in your mouth. I mean how does it feel to have some hard shiny cold things in your mouth rubbing against your gums 24-7. I don't know but to me that don't sound too comfortable. I guess its like having braces but most people I know who have had braces cant wait to get them out as they don't find it too pleasant an experience so I cant imagine actually volunteering and paying to get people to put cold metal in my mouth.

And how safe are all these metals in your mouth? Any possibility that some platinum leach out and rush to my brain or something so? What about a diamond, suppose one slip out and get stuck in my windpipe. These things aint sounding safe at all.

Plus and this is real important for the permanently bonded ones. How does one clean them? Well I guess toothpaste is supposedly a good jewelry cleaner and all but at some point if the bling starts wearing off do you have to go get some sorta fancy jewelry cleaner and swirl around in your mouth for 15 minutes. God forbid ya eva swallow that.

No boy not me and them fancy things in my mouth. No gold, no platinum, no diamonds, no rubies at all in my mouth cause next thing ya see I fall asleep at home and wake up with the wife ova me wid a pliers trying to strike it rich. Nuh uh! No sir not me. The only grillz I want to have any dealings with is the George Foreman ones.