If only one could throw a block called emotion into the enormous chasm that separates the sexes. If that was possible maybe we might understand each other better. Maybe it is possible who am I to say. All I know is that men and women are different and one of the major differences is in emotional responses.
'Cause I'm so sick of love songs , so tired of tears, so done with wishing you were still here.....'
I'm not that big on r'n'b aside from a few female artists with some soul in their voices but I confess I actually like the words to Neyo's so sick. Yea usually r'n'b for me is about complaining about whose beat they jacked, which rapper will hit the remix with tight rhymes and can dude or sista girl actually sing without getting too deep into the lyrics but something about "So sick" yea I'm kinda feeling that joint.
Driving across the 401 singing the first verse to the song I was asked by my wife why I liked the song. I don't know I replied its just the way its put together I guess. Its almost poetic. But its so unlike you she said cause you know you'd never do something like that. Yea that's true but that doesn't mean I cant like the song.
Anyway a brother figured these comments were some underlying dig about my emotion or lack of emotion going on. A conversation ensued and I came to some realizations somewhat afterwards which may or may not be flawed but whatever I'll share.
Women don't know what they want. Ok that's a silly way to put it. Lets rather say that what women want in a man always seems a lot more complicated than what men want in a woman. I think its because we probably prefer to deal more in absolutes than they do. They comfortably operate in some really grey areas while we prefer black and white.
Woman doh like soft man.
That's what Penguin said in his calypso back in the 80s and why a lot of cats on the prowl out there have this veneer, this machismo, this Plexiglas thug portrayal that they persist with because they have seen it work for other guys. And it does work actually. Think about it. When a lady checks out a guy 9 times out of 10 she'll be first attracted to the cat who portrays that strong, hold it down, confident sometimes to the point of cocky attitude over the more emotional cat. But women always say they want someone who is in touch with their emotions. Still the crying sensitive type only gets the girls in the movies.
Am I the only one getting mixed messages here?
Oh and I should confirm that I've come to the conclusion also that when women say emotions they mean vulnerability and crying. They want to see you shed a few tears if not flat out lose it and bawl like ya mudda dead. Somehow that's sexy or something. It says you are vulnerable and can share your feelings and bare your emotions and apparently that you are strong enough to show them your sensitive side without feeling like it makes you weaker.
So while guys think women want a strong, silent type, hunter gatherer, take charge cat what women also want is a guy who can cry. Oh not saying that women don't want the take charge type cat its just they want one who can also cry. You must have duality be strong when you need to be strong be soft when you need to be. Or so I'm told.
Its like that Friends episode where Rachel was going out with a character played by Bruce Willis. Cat is all android like, wont show any emotion so she sets out to break him and make him cry. It takes awhile but she finally does and then the guy cries ...and cries and cries and he wont stop crying. The flood gates were open and dude just couldn't control his emotions. Then she dumps him because she says he is too emotional.
So all that to say I guess its a thin line and in this dog eat dog, competitive for affections world how are we men supposed to know what the boundaries are? Too much emotion you lose the girl too little the same happens. What's the correct dosage to avoid screwing up?
Beats the hell out of me.
All I know is that crying and vulnerability apparently are good things to show. Hmmm I should really work on that side of my personality.........naa !
"I saw tears in your eyes this week when you had those allergies bothering you so that means your tear ducts actually work"
"Yea maybe they do but that don't mean you going be seeing me crying and bawling down people place like a hired mourner at a west indian funeral anytime soon though."
Of course now I think she sees it as a challenge to break me.