Saturday, September 22, 2007

Coming of Age

Need to get this written.

First off let me say that I've always believed that there are some things that you just have to experience to understand. For women, natural childbirth comes to mind as one of those things, for men getting hit in the groin another. I've always also thought, well always being relative to my having experienced/currently experiencing them, that marriage and parenting are two of those things that you have to experience in order to really understand. Well maybe not understand but lets just say until you've experienced these things for yourself no matter how much you think you know you probably really don't know.

And don't get me wrong, I'm not relating marriage and parenting to the pain of a kick in the groin although sometimes well .......... and I'm also not saying that you cant relate or you shouldn't have your opinions on both issues if you haven't personally experienced them yet. No God forbid! Not me I wouldn't say that. I'm just saying there are certain experiences that undergoing them just gives you insights that you wouldn't normally have without the actual experience.

Oh and don't read this as some attempt to get y'all married or to tell wunnah to go out and get pickney. I've never been an advocate and I mean that not that I don't enjoy them both (some of the time at least0 but I'll be damned if I'm the brother to be extolling the virtues of these things and then have somebody stupid go and get a child they cant afford to raise or go and get married cause I say so and it end up in a divorce. No star, you got to know for yourself what you getting into. Looking at what other people have don't mean you going to get the same. Follow pattern Kill Cadogan (old bajan saying). Remember that.

Anyway, I remember as a child hearing some people saying stuff like 'this chile gine gimme enemies'. At that time I never really understood what that meant and maybe in truth I'm still misinterpreting that statement but after the crap me and my wife have been through in the past two weeks with regards to our son I think I have my own perspective on that phrase.

I always found it weird that my parents remember details of things related to my childhood from way back involving negative situations where they think I was being singled out, mistreated or 'unfaired' as we would say in Barbados, or where they basically thought things shouldn't have gone as they should. And years later they still take those incidents so personally too. Strange I thought, y'all needs to chill.

Meanwhile as far as I was concerned some of the incidents I barely remember actually happening or my recollections are basically culled from the stories being told but the stories could as well be episodes of my favourite TV series cause to me I'm just seeing everything from the third person.

Some of the incidents I view as rather trivial now because I think I turned out OK (my opinion certainly not others) despite them happening but my parents still manage to get mad heated anytime they come up in conversation. I never could understand that ..... until now.

Now I understand why parents take their kids ish so personal. Now I understand why parents if they don't remain calm can go off on soccer refs or teachers or well just go off in situations.

I can handle my own personal beef. Experience just teaches you how to handle stuff. Hell I usually just laugh off most of the crap I go through cause I know I can handle it. But when it comes down to my child.......

Yea ummm I think I gine have some issues.

I don't think I've ever had a more miserable two weeks and been as utterly pissed off as I've been lately with the drama I had to deal with. I've basically been trying to be outwardly unemotional about it cause well I'm usually an unemotional dude and I'm also the person who has to be the logical unemotional one and steady the ship. Its my role I accept it, it is what it is. But still there were some points where hmmm well boy lets just say if I had two big rocks certain folk would have gotten their head buss open! Trust me!

Naa that aint my way still but lets just say its difficult to be cool in certain situations. Look, I basically withdrew from society (and yes that included email and msn) for the last two weeks cause I know I wasn't good company and something I might have taken in jest a few days before was fittin' to set a brother on some World War Hulk ish. (Actually if I communicated with you this week beyond hi you must consider yourself a true friend and one of the inner circle.)

But anyways lets just say I understand my parents a lot better now and its because of this experience. Without it I might be able to sort of grasp the concept but its so much more real after experience. I understand a lot better that whole protective instinct and that whole ready to mess someone up because of my child thing. The whole drawing a line in the sand, the whole circling the wagons, the whole gladiator stance with regards to your progeny.

As it is I think its going to be one of those situations that my kid when he's at an older age is going to be like so this is a big deal how exactly but for me....... Yea lets just say that this chile gine gimme enemies fa real. And he could be a teenager, an adult, maybe even 50 years old and as long as I'm living and I'm not senile I aint going to forget this shit either and I'm still going to take it personal and I'm still going to have that urge to throw two big rocks at certain people. Word!

PS: don't ask for more info, its the Internet and I said what I had to say. Leff it there.


Melody said...

Within minutes of bein' a parent, ah began to understand a J'can sayin', "If ah lik yu, anywhere yu mother is, she goin' feel it!" Because it's true: kid's hurt = parent's hurt x10!

Kids are more resilient than parents are -- that's de only salve ah can think of for your wound, whatever it is. Hugs to Jdid Jr.

Melody said...

Also, God nah sleep!

Poeza said...

haven't experinced this yet with my jr. but I know how I feel when he's in pain/suffering so I hear you. I know how hard it is to find proper big rocks in T-dot so I have some clay bricks in my yard if you need dem... :)

Abeni said...

Maaan,I was so looking fwd to the details and you let me down.....grrrrrrr.

Hopefully, the situation does not happen again cos am assuming you told the culprits how you felt

Bajegirl said...

Hang in there, Jdid. I don't have any kids myself so I can't claim to know what you're going through but I hope you all get through this incident. Blessings.

Crankyputz said...

Having been fatheads pseudo parents i feel your pain....hang in there..

Lene said...

yo, you dun know i have two rockstone and a whole ring of keys on me.

just give me the word, and i will use my token and hop on the 54.

Deelze said...

Wow, I haven't met you but I do get from reading your post that you seem to be a mellow this whole "two big rocks certain folk would have gotten their head buss open!" lets me know you must have been pretty upset.

I'm a parent so I know how you could feel...when it comes to my child I don't play! I just don't want as you put it my child to be unfaired!

My mother jumped through a window in Barbados when she was big with child carrying my brother because she saw another child unfairing mother and the woman came to blows over it!

So having children you can make enemies....but also you as the parent will always remember, and they being children usually forget!

Inside Man said...

Aww man Jdid, this post hits close to home. I have children, and I guess what fires us up as parents is that they are so vulnerable. Most adults do not have a modest consideration of children and I struggle with keeping my composure when dealing with people I know who treat my two with benign neglect or disrespectfully. Children usually can't intepret spitefull behavior or neglect from adults so when I catch it I'm a ball of rage.

I believe I'm fair and I expect justifiable intentions from school teachers, coaches, doctors, etc. However, the world doesn't work that way and our parents are always fighting to keep us swimming above water because their are people who could care less if a child is a failure.

Your right, I really couldn't appreciate my parents struggle until I had my own children.

GC said...

uh oh, somebody woke up papa bear and they are going to get eaten!

LoveMyselfFirst said...

as i get older, i begin to understand my parents more and even though i'm not a parent yet, i know that i'm going to be super overprotective just as they were.

i'm sure you'll handle the situation appropriately.

Blah Blah Blah said...

"And he could be a teenager, an adult, maybe even 50 years old and as long as I'm living and I'm not senile I aint going to forget this shit either and I'm still going to take it personal and I'm still going to have that urge to throw two big rocks at certain people. Word!"

Like I tell ppl....some things you just don't want to try me on...when it comes to my kids...that's definitely one of them.

Dutch Pot said...

You always know who your friends and best family members are when it comes to (1) your kids (2) your wedding (3) a family funeral.

Read a Psalms pon dem. :)