Saturday, October 04, 2014

Well

I'm off to Barbados in a while as my mum has passed.

It wasn't unexpected but still I'm a little depressed well actually a lot depressed about it. I think her illness has been one of the reasons I wasn't writing or blogging or doing much of anything over the past 6 months. I just was living in fear of that phone call. Honestly, every time I heard a long distance ring on the phone my heart skipped a beat.

Anyway she has passed and I feel sad no scratch that I feel lost. The last time I was there in March I did feel like we were saying our goodbyes though. I'll be honest, I've hated going to Barbados for the last two years as its felt like every time I went she was slipping further and further away and the pleasant memories were a distant thing. At the end its almost like I've been grieving for a long time as the person I knew, the person who raised me and taught me and made me who I am today for good or bad had slowly disappeared over time leaving only this shell. And now even the shell is gone.

Not sure what else I can say. When my dad died I was able to write a bit and express myself and that helped  somewhat. Maybe it will be the same this time although I'm feeling far less eloquent than I did then. Just hoping that I can do her justice in her eulogy.

p.s: guess I'm an orphan now

4 comments:

Guyana-Gyal said...

JDid, my dear, dear Blogger-pal, I am so very sad to hear about your mother.

I wish you and your family strength, I wish you healing. I hope the good memories return and the horrid pain fades away.

The sad news I'd received was about the passing of the mother also, the mother of someone I love.

Guyana-Gyal said...

My mother sends her deepest sympathies. I've read some of your blog posts to her, so she knows about you.

Jdid said...

thanks GG.

VirginiaC said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your Mum's passing...you have my sincerest condolences.
Find comfort in all of the good times that you shared and cherish the beautiful memories.
I too am an orphan.