I actually don't know how to put this in writing or if I should be exposing this on the net so bear with me while I ramble.
Well my wife's been gone for a few weeks now. Off on business and vacation and I've been left here all by my lonely. Toronto's an awfully big city when you are all alone. Cold and somewhat frightening.
Well you know how it goes when a guy's girl aint around and he's all on his own with time on his hands and nothing to do. Temptation is always around the corner. Yep good ol temptation its always there just lurking, waiting to strike, or more like just biding the time to find an opening to slide right in and take a spot when your vulnerability's down. Especially when you are a guy.
Well with the wife away temptation caught up to me this week. Sigh! So many women so little time.
I really cant explain it but take my word for it, it just kind of happened. What can I say? It wasn't like I planned for it to happen or anything, it just plain did. Temptation got the best of me.
Yea ok I didn't put up much of a fight to the idea so I'll take the blame. Not that I was trying to shift the blame its just that I'm trying to say what I have to say without making things too difficult.
And sadly this is not the first time that I've given in to temptation. Yea what can I say almost everytime my wife goes away and those temptations come around I give in. Yea I'm weak I guess but cant I be forgiven I'm only human. I'm only a man. I just cant say no to those beautiful women. All they have to do is open their mouths and speak the simplest words to me and I'm caught up. It is my one weakness and I've known this for a long time.
Especially M. What a woman! I've known M since before I met my wife. We had a thing going on, well more than a thing that makes it seem frivolous and casual. Words cant even describe it. I'm telling you it was something deep. It was real love. Even during my courtship phase with my wife, M was always there in the background of my life waiting till my wife wasn't around to just show up. She soothed me on so many occasions, she brought me joy, when I was stressed or tired. Somehow I just couldn't let go of her during this courtship, she became an addiction. Even if I was hanging out with my soon to be wife at night whenever she left I'd have to somehow find M just to hear her sweet voice before I went to bed.
My wife sort of knew about M but she didn't realize that anything was going on or if she did she assumed it was just a passing phase and it would soon be gone. M never drew attention to herself so we were able to continue our relationship without anyone knowing. I kept it on the hush (I would use the word downlow but that got all sorts of different connotations nowadays and I man doan play that). Sure M and my wife met and actually got along quite well. But while M knew all about my wife, my wife was oblivious to my relationship with M besides the fact that she was an acquaintance. She didn't realize that she was in fact sharing me with M.
Oh boy things could get complicated.
When we married that was it for me and M. I saw her occasionally but it just wasn't the same as my wife wasn't too fond of that. Even though she didn't know the extent of my relationship with M she put her foot down and said no more M. You don't need anyone else but me. But the truth be told, I really missed M and any chance I had and my wife wasn't around for a couple of days I'd fall back into the same old habits and M would somehow end up with me back in the bedroom.
Yea I know our bedroom oh man that just makes things worse doesn't it. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that but it was so good what M did for me on those nights when I would otherwise be lonely. She was a voice to listen to and a shoulder to cry on. I honestly loved M. Over and over I'd fall asleep comforted by her presence.
And no I didn't see M when the wife was around if that makes it any better although I'm sure it doesn't. Somehow I was always able to resist her charms when the wife was around. Strange isn't it? Does that make things better or worse I'm not sure or does it even matter.
Well as the years went by things changed. I still see M occasionally but as I said things change. I've gotten over her and I'm just not feeling her as much as I was 7 or 8 years ago when my appetite for her was insatiable.
But that doesn't mean I'm not giving into temptation any more. Nope on the contrary I'm messing with not one but two new girls now. Younger chicks too. Lets call them K and T. I've only met them recently and I cant profess to love them the same way I loved M but when the wife is away they get the job done ...if ya know what I mean wink wink! I've been alternating between the two. I don't feel like I have anything emotionally invested in either and I'm not sure I can keep up with these young girls cause most times in two twos I duz be sleeping. They now warming up and I man duz be getting ready to catch a serious snooze. Then again I not as young as I used ta be and I cant be expected to keep up with these young yams but what can I say a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
Ok that was the wrong thing to say. It makes me seem like a punk. I'm a little ashamed though which I guess is why I'm confessing. Don't get me wrong I'm not apologizing just confessing. I'm not sorry for anything that I did or that I'm doing? Why should I? I don't think I've done anything wrong! Things happen I told you. When the cat's away the mice will play isn't that what they say and like I said earlier Toronto can be a pretty cold and lonely place by oneself.
What!! Don't you dare judge me until you've walked in my shoes.
Sigh but like I said temptation just got the best of me. Its an addiction I just cant help myself. Oh well could be worse, I could be messing with a white girl. Sorry!
Oh yea and shhh dont tell my wife.
Ok now did you guys figure out I was actually talking the fact that when the wife is away I listen to music at night in bed or y'all thought I was talking about something else? Wait wunnah think if it was something else I would confess juss so on the internet? I know I aint got no common sense but I aint mad? M = Mary J Blige and T and K are Toya Alexis and Keisha Cole whose respective albums I've been listening to lately. Don't ask me to name any of their songs though cause by track two I'm out like a light. Did y'all catch the Real Love, My life and Bring me Joy hints I dropped in there? Oh wait, I feel all y'all did think I was talking about something else ya know :-). Shame on you for besmirching my good reputation. lol
Could have done this blog a bit better with some xtra time though but oh well, I'm tired, its past my bedtime and it doesn't have to be perfect. Anyway I gone to listen to some more music and go to sleep. Enjoy!