Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Airlines, Airports and Travel

Its been a crazy week for travelers worldwide with this new terror threat in the UK. So much terror and fear abound about when next the terrorists will strike, people a plenty afraid to fly yet I keep hearing that the war on terror has been won by the West. Interesting fallout of winning I guess.

Anyway now they making it difficult for a man to travel in an airplane. Ok more difficult because they ramped up security a bit after 9/11 but now its getting more stringent again. Forget Snakes on a plane right now the scariest item on a plane is liquids in a carry on bag. Where's Sam Jackson when you need him huh?

No liquids, no gels anything that can spray or ooze or flow or looks viscous prohibited from carry on luggage they say. No hair gel, no juice, no water bottles, no roll on deodorant, no toothpaste nothing so. Cuhdear!

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingSo that means if someone has to overnight to catch a connecting flight they have to look to buy some Right Guard and a tube of Colgate in the connecting city, take one or two brushes with that tube of toothpaste and then dash way the whole pretty much unused tube before they head to the airport to catch the connecting flight. And you thought we already lived in a quite wasteful world didn't you?

Well I guess is either that or don't clean your teeth or use deodorant in between flights. Next thing ya know air travel smelling like TTC in rush hour.

Here's two ideas if you want to make some money now. One come up with a one application tube of toothpaste and a one application deodorant. Maybe the deodorant can be like a stick of chewing gum and you just unwrap it and plaster it under your arms. I don't know that might work. Second money making idea is to invest in Colgate cause when Toothpaste buying increase stock going up.

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingOh well and ya dun know this is probably just a start in terms of travel precautions. Next thing you know they will be saying as an additional precaution no liquids in your checked in bags at all.


Wha is dat he say? No liquids in my carry on bag? Wuhloss West Indian people fainting left, right and centre at the airport. Wait can you carry smelling salts on the plane or is that considered a liquid?

Caribbean travelers blue vex then. " Looka is not dat I worried about the toothpaste or the duty free perfume or anything so but Skippa wha how you mean I cant bring back dese three pet bottles a Ju-C fuh muh sista, de two gallons a sea water fa my mudda in law to wash she bad foot wid, my three bottles of coconut water and de two large Cockspurs and Sugar Cane Brandy fa de fellas? Chupse you mekkin mock sport den. Leff dem where? Hayso on the table wid you? You must feel I is a poppit or something den! Looka I gine cross hayso to the back a de line and drink way all dis first before I check in cause dares not you get my rum and my ju-c and coconut water. ya cud keep the sea water doah."

Serious business that. Air travel done as we know it.

Then if those drastic measures don't stop the terrorism threat you know what the next step will be? First they aint going to let you travel in your own clothes. You will reach the check in counter and they will make you strip and change into something like a medical gown or a plastic raincoat.

Then next step will be all liquids excluded from going on the plane including the ones in ya stomach and bladder. They start giving you concoctions to drink 24 hrs before the flight and telling you not to eat anything before you come to the airport like you going in the hospital for surgery.

Now besides asking if you packed you bag yourself and didn't leave it unattended, they will be asking you did you empty your bladder and stomach before you came to the airport. Dare ya to say no too cause they will rush you off to a lil' room give you some ex-lax or milk of magnesia and force you to empty ya stomach.

Dares not a fella pass any gas at the check in counter too cause they would claim he has biological weapons and deadly gases stored in his chest cavity and stomach and brand him a terrorist quick fast. Next thing ya know a fella at Guantanamo Bay being interrogated under bright lights:
"Who gave you those weapons to put in your stomach?"
"No man it wasn't no weapons is just since I couldn't eat from yesterday I got de lil gas in me chest. De wife gi muh sum tea before I leff home but dat didn't help."
"Ah ha! So the wife is a terrorist too! Is she the mastermind behind this whole plot."
"Well I aint know bout mastermind but she always claiming she smarter dan me."
"Alright then bring her in for questioning."

Lawd ave mercy.

16 comments:

Melody said...

De wife coulda hatch sup'm more diabolical by preparin' baked beans & red peas (kidney beans) every night fo' de whole week B4 de flight. BTW, that look like Austin Powers gettin' swiped in de top photo. (Who else woulda wear burgundy jacket, green-white pants, an' shaggy hairdo--de security swipin' but she missin' de whole psychedelic disguise.)

Stunner said...

I just made a post about that yesterday! It rough, with all these new restrictions. I guess we will have to rub some extra deodarant under our arms and buy a couple of mint sweets just in case our figh gets cancelled! Cyan deal with the green arm flights at all!

Mad Bull said...

You know, if all you say comes to pass, many husbands myay seek to get rid of their wives this way! Its cheaper than divorce, innit?

Gela's Words said...

Honestly though, I was telling a friend o mine the same thing, that soon, yu might only be allowed to turn up with yu passport and ticket in yu hand. Memba, back in the days how people use to dress up to go airport, in stockings, sunday best and all? Nuh mek no sense now? Just turn up in yu brief/panties cuz yu have to take off belt, shoes, all kinda tings nowadays to go thru the doggone place. What a thing?

Nikki said...

Better safe than sorry, but all of these damn rules and regulations is getting on my nerves regarding air travel. But hey, it's better than riding the bus.

Luke Cage said...

LOL @ my dawg J! Hey man, that scenario you came up with where folks go up to the counter in a gown, heck. I'll go one above you. A cellephane body wrap that is clear (you're nekked underneath) and it'll eliminate the need for x-ray wands.. but, but, but, wait it gets worse!

When you go thru the counter to the other side, you'll have a medical doctor on site with the tight white latex gloves ready to give you the anal probe to see if you won't use your farts as a detonator or catalyst. Get all of that stuff out now man!....

Then at the 3rd checkout, have a person open wide and they check down your throat for any starters for catalysts. Ever see Con Air when Dave Chappelle's character had the flammable liquid tied to a string placed down his throat only to retrieve later on.. Geeez!

Scratchie said...

Well I still trying to figure it out...in the hand luggage or in the cargo hold? Seems to me it really don't matter, it STILL ON THE PLANE!!! Maybe I not as intellectual so maybe i'm missing something here...

Abeni said...

Hassle,hassle.We may just travel less now

Brotha Buck said...

That whole liquid in a carry on freaks me out. There is no fool proof way to prevent this, I wouldn't think. One could swallow liquids, like a drug dealer swallows crank...or whatever it is they swallow.

Miz JJ said...

I think it is the end of modern air travel as we know it. No more carry on luggage. And I agree with that not wearing your own clothes thing. Anything to be safe...right?

BajanQueen said...

I don't like to travel as it is....

After this I can't say it will make me want to more!!

~Smooches~

Honest said...

lol! I just flew out of DC on Tuesday night and it wasn't too bad. The worse part was not being able to have my lip balm and lotion with me. Imagine a black woman with dry lips and ashy hands you know I was pissed!

Campfyah said...

lol I late in responding but just had to comment on how true the post is considering that I gettin on a plane real soon and got lots ah liquids tuh ccarry

obifromsouthlondon said...

hahahaha you clazy men! but seriously the scariest thing is being Asian and flying. time for black mon to relax still cos we've been profiled to death. let others get flak

Ravenbajan said...

ROTFL!!!
Oh Jdid you outdid yourself on this one. You had me laughing so hard I cried in your description of the vex Bajan traveler.

Damn right you go to the back of the line and drink up the Ju-C and Cockspur. No way in hell I would want to give that up either. Actually, I shudder at the thought!

Now poses the problem... where the hell are we suppose to pack all of those bottles? I'm going to have to leave all my clothes behind next time so I have enough room for my Ju-C, rum and Guava cheese!

notyouraverage.... said...

lol! gosh - i don't think i'll be making any over seas travel plans soon. is that the same juicy that they have in St. Vincent? That is the BEST pop in the world. Well, Red juicy that is ;-)