Its been a crazy week for travelers worldwide with this new terror threat in the UK. So much terror and fear abound about when next the terrorists will strike, people a plenty afraid to fly yet I keep hearing that the war on terror has been won by the West. Interesting fallout of winning I guess.
Anyway now they making it difficult for a man to travel in an airplane. Ok more difficult because they ramped up security a bit after 9/11 but now its getting more stringent again. Forget Snakes on a plane right now the scariest item on a plane is liquids in a carry on bag. Where's Sam Jackson when you need him huh?
No liquids, no gels anything that can spray or ooze or flow or looks viscous prohibited from carry on luggage they say. No hair gel, no juice, no water bottles, no roll on deodorant, no toothpaste nothing so. Cuhdear!
So that means if someone has to overnight to catch a connecting flight they have to look to buy some Right Guard and a tube of Colgate in the connecting city, take one or two brushes with that tube of toothpaste and then dash way the whole pretty much unused tube before they head to the airport to catch the connecting flight. And you thought we already lived in a quite wasteful world didn't you?
Well I guess is either that or don't clean your teeth or use deodorant in between flights. Next thing ya know air travel smelling like TTC in rush hour.
Here's two ideas if you want to make some money now. One come up with a one application tube of toothpaste and a one application deodorant. Maybe the deodorant can be like a stick of chewing gum and you just unwrap it and plaster it under your arms. I don't know that might work. Second money making idea is to invest in Colgate cause when Toothpaste buying increase stock going up.
Oh well and ya dun know this is probably just a start in terms of travel precautions. Next thing you know they will be saying as an additional precaution no liquids in your checked in bags at all.
Wha is dat he say? No liquids in my carry on bag? Wuhloss West Indian people fainting left, right and centre at the airport. Wait can you carry smelling salts on the plane or is that considered a liquid?
Caribbean travelers blue vex then. " Looka is not dat I worried about the toothpaste or the duty free perfume or anything so but Skippa wha how you mean I cant bring back dese three pet bottles a Ju-C fuh muh sista, de two gallons a sea water fa my mudda in law to wash she bad foot wid, my three bottles of coconut water and de two large Cockspurs and Sugar Cane Brandy fa de fellas? Chupse you mekkin mock sport den. Leff dem where? Hayso on the table wid you? You must feel I is a poppit or something den! Looka I gine cross hayso to the back a de line and drink way all dis first before I check in cause dares not you get my rum and my ju-c and coconut water. ya cud keep the sea water doah."
Serious business that. Air travel done as we know it.
Then if those drastic measures don't stop the terrorism threat you know what the next step will be? First they aint going to let you travel in your own clothes. You will reach the check in counter and they will make you strip and change into something like a medical gown or a plastic raincoat.
Then next step will be all liquids excluded from going on the plane including the ones in ya stomach and bladder. They start giving you concoctions to drink 24 hrs before the flight and telling you not to eat anything before you come to the airport like you going in the hospital for surgery.
Now besides asking if you packed you bag yourself and didn't leave it unattended, they will be asking you did you empty your bladder and stomach before you came to the airport. Dare ya to say no too cause they will rush you off to a lil' room give you some ex-lax or milk of magnesia and force you to empty ya stomach.
Dares not a fella pass any gas at the check in counter too cause they would claim he has biological weapons and deadly gases stored in his chest cavity and stomach and brand him a terrorist quick fast. Next thing ya know a fella at Guantanamo Bay being interrogated under bright lights:
"Who gave you those weapons to put in your stomach?"
"No man it wasn't no weapons is just since I couldn't eat from yesterday I got de lil gas in me chest. De wife gi muh sum tea before I leff home but dat didn't help."
"Ah ha! So the wife is a terrorist too! Is she the mastermind behind this whole plot."
"Well I aint know bout mastermind but she always claiming she smarter dan me."
"Alright then bring her in for questioning."
Lawd ave mercy.