Tuesday, March 04, 2008

98 lb weakling

We had a conversation last night. The wife was complaining about the gym and how people duz stare at ya an don't speak and I had to let her know that the gym is like the airport, a simile which brought the usual look of bewilderment to her face like "wuhloss now. wha stupidness this man talkin atall? He like he gine off agin". But I explain it "Dem people at the gym and at de airport duz have dem different rules to the rest of the world."

Not that I saying that a fella duz have to walk through metal detectors at the gym cause if you gym like that chances are you going to the wrong gym. No, I was merely making a comparision of places which operate outside of real world rules and ya just got to abide with what ya duz experience and not mek fuss.

Like for instance at the airport everything duz be twice as expensive to eat as anywhere else.

As soon as ya hit the airport doors is like you in a different country, where devalued currency coupled with a severe food shortage conspire to make a lil' coffee that might cost around $1.50 anywhere else not named starbucks, cost $8.50 and a sandwich wid pieca dry up roast beef or tuna an some 3 day old wilted lettuce that you wouldn't even consider taking for free let alone buying under different circumstances is about 20 dollars. Ok, well I exaggerating a lil but is juss a lil. Dem prices duz be real expensive ya hear!

God help ya if hunger ever hold ya at the airport and you aint got a snack with ya, which they catching more of we wid now since they got them oppressive rules that you cant even bring two brown mints and a pack a corn curls pass security nuhmore. Like they feel you name Mcgyver and you would tek the mint wrapper mix it with the corn curl crumbs, suck the mint and spit out fire to react with the wrapper and crumbs and produce nerve gas or something so. I neva see so much stupidness and people frighten so in my life yet. Got ya can't even carry lil water or even lil milk fa de baby past the metal detector. chupse!

So you duz be stuck there wid ya mout dry, dry, dry if ya plane get delay and all you seeing to eat is these hard up looking sandwiches and pastries that seen better days staring at you and costing summuch money that you gotta think seriously about tekkin out a mortgage to buy a meal combo. Well lets see I can afford to send the chile to College or well I cud have some juice and a lil roast beef sandwich. Decisions, decisions!

PhotobucketSo that is the airport. The gym on the other hand got different rules too but is people rules not food rules like the airport. At the gym everybody duz stare at everybody else and then they dont acknowledge ya. And if ya stare back they duz pretend they aint staring. Or they dont stare at you directly no more but they stare at you via the mirrors.

Like they watching your every move to laff if you doing a exercise wrong or you aint lifting as much as they are or they see you doing some variation on an exercise and trying to figure out if you know what you doing or not.

All dem duz do is stare, glare and peer. Especially the jock types that always in pairs and trios fooling around and thinking they so cool and the Lou Ferrigno looking fellas that huffing and puffing, clanking bout big weights wid nuff noise to gain attention and looking like they should be named in the Mitchell Report.

PhotobucketThe women too! Dem duz stare at ya cause they feel you should be staring at them cause nuff a dem wearing some tight up thing, trying to tantalize man by showing off navel and have assets print out so like technical drawing ya can see hidden detail and perkiness peeking at ya. Trying to catch man attention that is all them trying to do you kno. Cause if ya look carefully at the interactions is only dem sorta women so that duz get in any conversation at the gym cause they looking and certain man wid a big twinkle in him eye and a smile showing off nuff teeth duz be at the ready to sweet talk them.

Not me bosie! sweet talk who? No I, I minding my business. I doan know the meaning of sweet talk. The wife say when sweet talk was sharing I come late and all was leff was mauby bitters.

So see me, I duz sit down, wid me headphones, an do me lil weight ting and doan feel no way bout a fella. I duz juss observe the rules in effect. Dem nuh worry me, me no bother dem.

Even like today when a young girl bout half my size come in, sit down next to me and proceed to out lift me on the same shoulder press I was doing by at least 20 lbs. Chupse!

Feel I care though, feel I going strike up conversation cause look how she mekkin me look weak and small and shame muh in front a all dese big man lifting 70 nuff pounds barbells like is a roll a toilet paper? And I there scrunting and grunting with two lil foo foo weights in my hand. Chupse!

Feel I went and get heavier weights to lift cause a she? Feel I in competition wid her or what?

Naa man I juss do my thing and pretend I not seeing her. Me an my lil light weight is good enough fa me. I aint going try an outlift her and get no goadies nor ketch no hernia ya hear! I happy wid my 98lb weakling self.


Leon said...

Damn paranoid Americans. Just make sure you have a feast before you hit the airport. All you need to do is stand beside a bigger weakling. You'll look stronger in comparison. I agree. A woman isn't worth a hernia. She'll have a good laugh while you'll be in pain.

Stunner said...

Man Jdid, I feel you on that airport food thing! Prices are so inflated at these damn tiefing airport food places! The new rule of thumb is if yuh know yuh going to the airport, full yuh belly till it bang!

"The women too! Dem duz stare at ya cause they feel you should be staring at them cause nuff a dem wearing some tight up thing, trying to tantalize man by showing off navel and have assets print out so like technical drawing ya can see hidden detail and perkiness peeking at ya." SO TRUE! I see it everyday I go to the gym...not saying I don't stare at them at times hehe.

Honest said...

It's out of control how much the airport marks up the cost of their food. I guess you have no choice if you're hungry or thirsty. Now that you can't even bring in your regular $1 bottle of water you have to purchase their $4 bottle once you go past secruity. The nerve!

Esteban Agosto Reid said...

Bwoy Jdid,wen mi a guh a di airport mi mek sure mi nyaam mi gut ful,because mi cyaan afford airport food.It jus too dear star,plus mi nuh get nuff if mi even buy it.Respect star, good post.

Crankyputz said...

Pearson airport has a tim horton's, I usually load up before my flight....

Very funny about the girl, she really show you up!

Im always uncomfortable with the nakedness in gyms, because its never attractive nakedness,

Urban Sista said...

Cheese on bread, yuh mek muh laugh dis afternoon. Better mek sure nuhboddy ain' scoutin' tuh see eff I workin'! I remember going to the gym and women looking at muh hard-hard as if I did 'pon dem street corna or sumting. And de men thought it did a pick up spot -- why were de women in full makeup?

I ain' mind dem. I just lift my two weights, left, catch a burger at Burger King and went home tuh sleep.

dalia said...

< < The wife say when sweet talk was sharing I come late and all was leff was mauby bitters. > >


and urbansis has clearly never been to a gym if she gotta question why women in there wearing full makeup.

dem deh to ketch MEN!

Campfyah said...

ha ha ha ha you know how tuh come good wid de post.

De airport is definitely another world of paronia and rippoffs. I does mek sure tuh pack muh roti or doubles, tuh buss open when de hunger pangs hit me. I doan bother wid dem airport foods atall. Tail mix does also hold yuh good.

I ditch de gym long time ago. It's just me and Gilad on FitTv now and we cool, cause he gine be looking at de fellas on he show more dan minding me..but ah feel yuh bout dem set ah rules

Miz JJ said...

I never understand why everything is so expensive at the airport. I suppose it is because they have a captive audience. You know whenever we leave from the West Indies my mom is bringing her own food with her. One time she brought a doubles and when she opened up that paper bag the entire plane was smelling it. Ha ha.

Abeni said...

From what I hear the gym is the place to make a fashion statement. I tend to walk with food cos I not buying anything at any airport to eat.

Empath said...

Wow, the gym bit is funny. Lots a details about the attires of some females. Those tights easily become weapons of mass distraction, leading to dumbbells slipping off the bars and landing on somebody's toe or even a hernia. LOL