Episode 1 - Last week after a light lunch at work I was feeling hungry again around 330 so I decided to visit the coffee and bagel place across the street for a snack.
As I walk in, doing a quick perusal of their available fare I heard a small voice arise from my side. 'Spare some change?' Quickly sized up the guy, possibly homeless or not, who asked the question. I usually only give change to a distinct few cause most of these cats are con men and in a few hours can make more than you or me. Anyway maybe it was because I was hungry or I just need to do a good deed for the day or something but I dipped into my pocket and came up with about 75 cents which I gave to the guy.
(Rule #1 for me of giving change is never ever bring out the wallet and search so they see your bills. Have loose change in your pocket and just grab whatever comes to hand. If you have no loose change in your pocket well too bad they ain't getting nothing.)
Anyway I give the guy the 75 cents and he then looks at me and asks me if I can give him five dollars.
Five who? You mekkin sport!! Since when is five dollars change? Five dollars is lunch money, five dollars is a burger king special plus change, five dollars is at least 3 coco bread and pattys, pizza and a drink, five dollars is way more than I intended to spend on my bagel and cream cheese. Why should I give you 5 dollars when I only plan on spending $2.25? If you wanted $5 in the first place you should have asked for it don't ask me for change and then ask for $5 dollars. And what happened to asking someone else for a dollar and another person for 50 cents till you got your five dollars. Do I have mark or sucka or poppit or eediat written on forehead? Chupse!
Looka gimme back my 75 cents if you cant appreciate it!
Episode (2) Again sometime last week. Got home around 7, puttered around trying to figure out my dinner options when the door bell rings. Lawd ave mercy! Unwarranted door bell ringing in my neighbourhood in the evening usually means some guy from the Energy company or Rogers home phone is coming to try and solicit me to sign up for some package I don't want. I'll try to be polite and send him away but then the eediat will insist that I show him my light bill or heating bill or something with my private info that I don't want to share and get upset when I say no. These people are slowly trying to turn me into the stereotypical belligerent, angry black man with their stupidity. Lawd help muh nuh!
Anyway alas it wasn't a corporate rep about to piss me off. Instead it was a nice decent looking young lady high school age I'm guessing. OK I guess they raising funds for some school. What's she selling now Candy covered Almonds, Girl Scout Cookies? Lemma see if I can spare 5 or 6 dollars to help a cause and no $5 still ain't change.
Oh wait nope it isn't the usual fare, this young lady is selling energy efficient light bulbs and all sorts of home supply packages. OK novel idea.
Alright so how much them cost? $29.95!
29 who? I'm sorry you cant just come to my door and expect me to have $29.95 ready to give you unless you delivering food that I order. What happened to $2 sponsored walks or climbing the CN tower for $5 or something cheap. Since when is $29.95 the cheapest option for helping out a school cause?