Um-ba-rel-la

OK now bajan people don't get too upset wid muh.

Look I love the fact that Rihanna is bajan and that she's doing her thing. Much respect. I thought the debut album had nuff potential although I will argue that the sophomore attempt while doing just as well or better on the market left a bit to be desired in terms of the quality of work. To me it felt a bit rushed, not as focused or sharp as the debut but in this music game I guess you've got to be constantly pushing new material or the fickle teenagers and 18-34 demographic will forget about you in a hurry. Mind you, you can also annoy the hell out of the listeners with too much lackluster material too quickly. Ask Ja Rule.

So now she's prepping a third album. Third album in just about three years. Yes she's on Def Jam but does she have to release albums at the pace of the commercial rappers? I mean look at some of the guys on Def Jam who worked at that pace; DMX is out there somewhere getting arrested or high, Ja Rule fell off hard and even Luda is starting to sound a bit jaded.

Is Rihanna locked into a really bad contract and trying to fulfil her album requirements as soon as possible? Or are her handlers afraid that we'll forget about her, amidst all the young wannabe divas, if she's not constantly in our ears?

Anyways that's not even what I wanted to speak on. I know everyone must have heard Rihanna's Umbrella song by now. Its in constant rotation and from what I saw of the video its kind of hot too.

For me though I just want to say that while the song has a catchy tune it just seems like it has only one word....... Umbrella. And how do I put this tactfully? Rhianna singing that word Umbrella over and over is sort of annoying. (the sort of part was my attempt at tact in case you missed it) Especially as she pronounces it Um-ba-rel-la.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way?

All I'm asking is who pronounces Umbrella, Um-ba-rel-la? Anybody ever look at you and say 'buddy that rain just hit outta nowhere I could share that um-ba-rel-la with you?'

Where did she get that pronunciation from? That ain't even a word. I mean I could forgive her if she was speaking bajan and pronounced it 'am-brella' or something similar cause I would put that down to well she just throw in a lil' bajan thing there but Um-ba-rel-la? Which part she get this Um-ba-rel-la foolishness from? Aint no ba in umbrella. I know she couldnt learn nuttin so up Waterford. The word has two, sorry three syllables; Um-brell-a. Ain't no four syllables in there, no Um-ba-rel-la. I mean I hear 'bout Barbarella and Spindarella (not a fella but a girl dj) but never in my life about no um-ba-rel-la.

Looka Rihanna listen to me. Next time if ya cant pronounce it properly forget this Um-ba-rel-la foolishness stick ta what ya know and call um a parasol.

You dont know Jack!

Literally in my case.

So its been about two and a half years since we've been here in the new place in the borough that thinks its so tough that its got to be called Scar-borough. The toughness of Scarborough, the place where no one smiles well thats another blog in itself but lets just say in my opinion I'm completely surrounded by Plexi-glass thugs. (yo I need to copyright that term.)

Anyway where was I, oh yea, two and a half years living in the burbs. Yea dont get it twisted , the folks on the street in Scarborough may mean mug but this place is definetly the burbs. Ok maybe a bit of an edge every now and then to the burbs here but its burbs nevertheless.

Man, I'm still not a burbs guy, too much quiet makes me a bit uneasy like a calm before the storm. I'm always waiting for something crazy to jump off cause I think that the burbs lulls you into a false sense of security and then you're unprepared when the ruckus comes through.

Still my hood is pretty quiet and nice too I must say. My neighbors are very diverse and for the most part most of them are pretty cool. I kind of keep pretty much to myself still. Thats just my usual m.o. I do the pleasantries but its not like I'm stopping by to borrow a cup of sugar or gossip or anything. If I see you then I see you and wont be rude but thats about it. Most I've gotten into is conversations about the annoying raccoons or about lawns and gardens. Oh yea and now that we have a baby thats always a source of conversation too.

But onto Jack. Who's Jack? No not Jack Bauer. Jack's one of my neighbors a few doors down or so I thought.

Jack's a pretty cool guy. We say hi whenever we see each other and we may go over to each other and start a conversation. You know neighborly stuff. One year I was out raking the gazillion leaves that blow off the other side of the street onto my lawn and he even lent me his leaf blower. Pretty cool guy. Think he's got a snow blower too. Hmmm maybe I should get to know him better.

Anyway all that preamble to get to the meat of the story. Yesterday I'm out watering the garden (its all about putting my stamp on the flower beds this year) and Jack was out mowing. So he comes over and we get into a conversation. Its going pretty well and he's talking about work and stuff when he makes a comment referring to himself in the third person like 'they say Jack blah blah blah'. Only problem is, wait a second, did I hear correctly he didnt call himself Jack. He referred to himself by another name.

So now I'm standing there like ummm is that his middle name or something? Hmmm. I didnt ask any questions but I'm thinking oh oh I may have been calling this guy by the wrong name for the last two and a half years and wait a minute if he isnt Jack then who the hell is?

Still I play it off as we chat even though I find it a slight bit disturbing and meanwhile my brain is working furiously trying to decipher this event.

Conversation ends I go back inside still trying to figure it out. So my wife smart person that she is actually wrote down all the neighbor's names when we first moved in, mind you she thinks he's Jack too. Anyway she looks it up and what do you know his name isnt Jack after all.

Somehow for two and a half years we've both been calling this cat Jack and thats not his name? And he never said anything about it?

Hmmm well maybe he thinks that Jack is like a cool black term for friend or something. Or maybe he just thinks I'm an idiot (which is true). Whatever it is the whole episode thought me that I really didn't know Jack.

Now if I can only figure out where I got the name Jack from in the first place?

Scary

I wake up grateful that I'm breathin first
Cause dudes'll kill you, they don't need a reason first!
These ***** still hit em
They know the hood is too poor to hire CSI, and Gil Grissom

Ol School Mouse - Joe Budden

Not been in the blogging mood lately to be honest. Life's happening and I'm not really in a blogging zone.

But yesterday a 15 year old was gunned down in the halls of his high school here in the T.Dot and folks keep asking me what my thoughts are. I usually wait until all the info is in to process whats going on but this time I'll just shoot (bad but not intentional pun) without all the details so here goes.

On the one hand I wouldn't say that I was shocked that this occurred because black youth have been getting killed in Toronto at what to me is a ridiculous rate in the last couple of years but on the other hand I really feel for the loved ones of this lost one.

Cranky is surprised that no one saw anything or has come forward yet. Me not so much. The don't snitch, see n blind hear n deaf attitude is prevalent in Toronto as much as it is anywhere else in North America if not more much to my chagrin. Or maybe its just an atmosphere of fear where you keep quiet because there is threat of retaliation. I really cant say as I don't move in those circles. Whatever it is its a shame however you look at it.

From my perspective the story is also quite scary. Yes its really scary that this happened in a schools hallways and all but its also scary for another reason.

I used to worry about becoming a statistic a lot when I was a bit younger now I'm more afraid for my son. Yea he's still a baby but dammit if I ain't already fearful for his future. I mean its bad enough in my opinion raising black kids especially sons in this society where they are undermined, looked on as thugs, and told they aren't good enough at every turn but now you got to deal with the possibility that at some point they could just get randomly killed because well just because. And don't give me the its a ghetto thing argument cause that's not true because there are black families from all socio-economic strata in this community dealing with these issues and fears.

My wife thinks I'm joking but I'm giving the issue of packing up and leaving this place some serious thoughts. Yea shit like this could happen anywhere you go but that don't mean you need to accept it, stay put and court danger.

Sometimes the public assumes that these kids and young men must be guilty of some crime somehow and that's why they got killed. I tend to think that many of them are innocents or kids who just got caught up in the wrong place at the wrong time or who were killed for some trivial argument that really shouldn't have gone past a raised voice.

They are now saying that he may have been killed over some firework prank he pulled the previous day. You have got to be kidding me.

Its messed up out there man.

Anyway when Jane Creba got killed there was crazy outrage and demands for change. Lets see what happens here. Rest in peace Jordan.

Send in the Clones!

I think I need a clone. Is just a temporary thing, just need him for one day. June 2nd. Why?

You know every now and then one day comes up where its like you getting invited to a million and one events? Well June 2nd is one of those days for me. Birthday party, Birthday party Housewarming, get-together, this that and the third. And is free food at all a dem too ya know so that make it even worse. The thing is and this is what always happens. You always get that one day that's like that and then some weekends when ya home bored and nothing to do not a thing at all going on. Its a cruel trick I say, a conspiracy by my friends.

Anyways barring the sudden invention of Star Trek like Transporter technology I cant mek everybody bashment so I say if ya want me to attend send me some advanced food samples or at the very least a potential menu so I can make a proper decision regarding who will be graced with my attendance.

Respond React

So on the sporting front one of the bigger stories this week was Robert Horry's hard foul of Steve Nash in game 4 of the NBA Western Conference Semi-finals Spurs vs Suns game.

Horry for his part received a 2 game suspension for the hit while Sun's players Amare Stoudamire and Boris Diaw received automatic one game suspensions for leaving the Sun's bench during the incident.

Now I actually happen to like Robert 'Big Shot Bob' Horry. Been a fan since he was in Houston winning championships in the early 90s. In fact I like him so much that I even supported him when he was a Laker and anyone who knows me well knows I've been hating on the Lakers since back in the Kareem and Magic days. But having said that it was a cheap foul on his part. He got caught up in the game and it was unnecessary. I'm a still support him after he comes back from the suspension though.

Anyway the aftermath of the incident highlights what for a long time has been in my opinion one of the dumbest rules anywhere. I mentioned it in passing early last year in another post regarding another silly NBA rule but this one is worse. Its the rule which caused Amare and Boris Diaw to be suspended for a game just for getting up from the bench. It states something like if there is an incident and you're not on the court you cant leave the bench or step so much as one foot on the court or you get an automatic suspension. Its been pretty much enforced rigorously by the league since its inception (which may or may not have been following the Heat, Knicks incident back in the 90s when Van Gundy was hanging on to Alonzo Morning's leg for dear life during an altercation).

This rule is just plain stupid and neglects to take into account any sort of normal human behavior. The NBA wants its players to play with passion but just as quickly turn off that joie de vivre when they step off the court.

Instinct says that if you see your fellow player pushed or shoved to the floor on court at the very least your first move will be to stand up and take a step towards the incident. This doesn't mean you're going out there to bust heads or escalate the issue it just means you're human and your concern for another individual, that you know, has made you want to go help them. We wouldn't be human without that instinct.

So for the league to have no tolerance and enforce this rule with such an iron fist tells me that they don't really think of their players as human beings. They are just product.

The NBA has tonnes of rules regarding players, their behaviour and appearance etc. Some I agree with, others I think are too strict since we are dealing with grown men here not children but this one is the worse.

Mr Stern I know you don't want to have melees on your hand like what occurred in Detroit in 2005 but at the same time you need to acknowledge that just getting up off the bench and moving towards an incident in a highly charged basketball game should not be a punishable offense or at the very least you need to be subjective and not follow this rule to the letter of the law in every single case.

This ruling in this specific game could have some serious ramifications for the outcome of the series as you left Phoenix short handed last night and they lost. It just wasn't fair.

That said I'm still backing King Tim and the Spurs over the Sun.

Samson

So been trying to do the father thing for a while now. Whole bunch of repetitive teaching and saying No like 30,000 times per day but the yout now has about 5 or 6 words down including the words yellow (Who says pointing out every single yellow school bus on the road every morning for the past six weeks doesn't pay off)and duck.

Been doing a lot of reading to him as well as part of the whole teaching thing. I read pretty much anything that's at hand, newspaper sports page, sports illustrated, Newsweek, children's books, Bible. Also been forcing him to watch Jeopardy with me in the evenings before bed. Let me tell you I was pretty disappointed that his first words were not communicated in the form of question. He loss points from me for that.

Bought a pretty cool children's Bible when I was in Barbados at Christmas (the one's we saw here just weren't that great plus they were mega expensive) so we read that daily trying to do one story per week. Realized at some point though that some of their interpretations were a bit off on a couple of stories (just slightly off but off nevertheless) though so I'm going to have to vet everything before we read it. Cant be giving the chile wrong information and messing up his head so early although his mother did point out that I was wearing a yellow hat today when clearly the color of the hat was more a deep gold verging on orange. See what I duz have to work with? The woman undermining my hard work!

Plus she always finding fault. "How you gine read the chile de stories and ain't got nuh sound effects?" Sound effects? Chupse! Ya feel I name synthesizer? Or ya think I look like C-3P0? (In case you don't get it line remember the scene in Return of the Jedi when C-3P0 is bringing the Ewoks up-to-date with the story.)

Anyway I ignore she!

So today we reach the story of Samson. Allya remember that one? Strong man, mess with the wrong woman, haircut, brought down the roof yada yada yada. I trying the sound effects thing too. Explosions like c-4 at ya door and Jet Li kung fu liks sharing fa real!

Reach the end of the story and the wife say and do you know the moral of the story? And with a straight face I say "yes it is don't mess with the wrong women cause them will mess up ya life and doan trust no women cause dem duz try to get you to expose all ya secrets and then try to use them against ya.

She gine look at me vex vex and say "no Jdid the moral is 'Jah will never give the power to a baldhead.' "

Lawd ave mercy I think this chile doomed wid two a we fa parents.

Happy Mothers day

To all you bloggers and other mothers who check in here. You are all much appreciated by your children. Hope you all have a great day.

Filler

Too busy to post anything decent so here goes some filler:

Follow these steps [in order of course]

1 . Go to www.google.com

2 . Click on maps

3 . Click on get directions

4 . Go from " Toronto, Ontario " to "paris, france "

5 . Scroll down in the directions to number 26

6 . Laugh and then re-post this ASAP so other people can enjoy

donde están mis pantalones!!

or what you do wid my trousers man?

Saw this in passing on the news. A dry cleaner lost this guys pants and he's suing them for 65 Million dollars.

65 million dollar pants? What kind of pants are those? I could only imagine that he was one of dem foolish rapper fellows that spend way all he money on bling!

The first thing my wife asked me when I told her this story was "Wait he had a winning lotto ticket in de back pocket or wha?" Well boy I cant answer that but all I know is that de man is a judge, Judge Roy Pearson Jr, and he suing a particular dry cleaner in DC for $65 Million cause they lost a pair of his suit pants.

What got me though is how the man justify the dollar total. He arguing $500,000 for emotional distress, $542,500 for legal fees and $1500 a day per violation of consumer protection law for 1200 days times 12 violations per day times 3 defendants. Wait let me check that quick, quick 3x12=36, 36*1200=43,200, 432,00 * 1500 =64,800,000 add in the $1042,500 (legal fees + emotional damage) + $15,000 for the car he say he had to rent to go to another dry cleaners and that gives a grand total of ............. $65,857,500.

Well at least he on point with the mathematics.

But seriously though, how crazy is this? I mean I know people in America duz sue for everything under the sun but did this guy take it too far?

Sure the dry cleaners lost his pants but the suit only cost about $1000. How do you really really justify going from saying they owe you a new suit to they owe you 65 million?

And the suit about the suit pants got the dry cleaner people all distraught saying that they thinking of going back to South Korea. Cuhdear!

Well boy I can only wait to hear how this lawsuit turn out. Cause if he win you know that opens the flood gates to all sort of other suits. Business places going to have you signing all sort of legal waivers in triplicate before you can do laundry or dry cleaning or even buy a hamburger. Well well well! Plus ya know dry cleaning going up. No more $1.25 shirts and 2 dollar pants deal. Nuh uh!

Oh well, the man is a judge so I assume he has some idea what to sue for and what not to sue for. I still feel he gone too far even if the dry cleaners take so long to settle with him in the first place. What he going to do with that settlement if he win? You know how much pants that money can buy?

Ipod Generation

I came across this story on yahoo the last week. Its about some schools banning kid from having Ipods in class and in exams. Now to be honest I don't even see why this is a story. My generation wasn't allowed to sit in class listening to Walkmans why does this generation get the opportunity to use Ipods in class?

Its just like the cell phone debate I blogged about a few months back. Why is allowing kids to have Ipods in class even an issue? Make them leave them in their bags and if you see any trace of Ipods or headphones in class confiscate the items or send the kid to the principal. How difficult is that? After a few lose their mp3 players they would get the drift.

But the part of the yahoo story that got me was this section "Kelsey Nelson, a 17-year-old senior at the school, said she used to listen to music after completing her tests — something she can no longer do since the ban."

What? You can listen to music after completing tests? Since when schools had that option? Look schools are for learning not listening to music unless its music class. If you got a test and you finish early ya best be looking over your answers not pulling out no iPod to listen to music.

Boy is things like this that make me feel so much older than I already am. Listen to music in class after test! Unheard of in my generation. Look when we finished a test and had time left over we would look at the answers a second time or if you didn't feel like you would sit and daydream, use ya imagination that you were somewhere else or doddle on the page. What happened to doodling, drawing that sort of stuff? You could imagine back in the day me sitting in a test situation, finish the test and pull out a LL Cool J or some Milli Vanilli (what! they were cool until we realized they weren't)? Why the teacher would think that my head bad or I gone mad and I would be heading straight for the principals office.

Too much slackness in schools these days man. I always have to reiterate this statement just because the technology is there doesn't mean it has to be in the classroom or that kids have to stay connected 24-7 or cant be bored for a few minutes before the end of a test. Geez no wonder so much attention deficit disorder stuff affecting the children these days.

Its Iraqi road

So they sending Prince Harry to serve in Iraq!

OK from a certain perspective I just don't understand this. OK sure he's doing military duty and they want to send him to complete his service and all but couldn't they find something safer for him to do?

I mean don't get me wrong I'm not condoning special treatment for him because he's British royalty I'm condoning it because you're sending him to Iraq with a special bullseye on his back. I mean the eyes of those Iraqi militants and terrorist groups are probably lighting up at the thoughts of going after someone so high profile in their own country.

Why send him there? Its not like civilization as we know it now really looks at its leaders to be the generals in battle, the men on the frontline, the ones in the thick of the fighting. This isn't the world of the Hannibal or Leonidas anymore. No one says you cant lead because you haven't killed someone or haven't been on the frontlines. Sure you get some props for that but in other lights its seen as reckless or you're labelled a warmonger. And really how much props do you get nowadays for fighting in a war? It doesn't even translate into decent political currency. I mean if McCain couldn't beat Bush to a Republican nomination or Kerry couldn't beat him in an actual election who are we really fooling that battle experience counts for anything?

And don't get me wrong I really could care less about the Royals. I just think its silly knowing that the guy will be targeted more than the average soldier to send him down there. Sure his uncle fought in the Falklands war and British royals have fought in other episodes around the world but cant you let him sit this one out. Find him a desk job.

Is the upside to him going so great? Is it worth the risk? What does it prove? Him serving still doesn't mean he's one of the common folks. He's still going to get special treatment there and back here anyways. So whats the point? We all know he's different or rather is treated different.

Just let him stay behind or ease him into an auxiliary position instead of trying to put on a show that yes he too can fight for his country blah blah blah.

Plus you are possibly putting his regiment in bigger danger than it would be in without him there. Think on that!

His going proves nothing and if he goes gets targeted and so happens to get injured or worse well whats gained? Not a thing. So I say just be transparent with the preferential treatment, let him stay home and get it over with and save him and also his regiment from getting targeted.

OK but another side of me thinks yes it is preferential treatment and I cant really justify sending Tom the butcher's boy down there and letting Harry slide on this one, although certain politicians have done it before. But then from the perspective I'm arguing from I just see Harry as a kid who will be targeted more than the other kids and think is that really fair to him? If it was someone else and I felt they would be targeted disproportionally higher than the other soldiers I'd say keep them at home too.

Baa who knows, I ain't spending alot of time thinking about it.

business ettiquette?

Question?

If someone sends you a really snarky email and you check their query and realize that they are in the wrong cause they are clueless are you allowed to finish your email response with "now piss off and stop confusing me this bright blessed day" or should you just settle for liberally sprinkling the words 'ya pieca idiot', 'ya ol johnny', 'ya blasted ass' or "wait you aint got nuh friggin common sense or wha nuh?" all over the response.