Denouce her

Lol I just realized that that title could apply to all three stories lol

1) Madonna compared John McCain to Hitler. When's Obama's camp going to denounce her? Tap tap tap, I'm waiting patiently here. I mean he denounced Ludacris for his song in which he took shots at Hillary and McCain so lets go I'm waiting on a Madonna denouncement. Hurry it up already!

ps: Was I the only one who thought his VP selection was Joe Budden. I could just Obama on the phone. "No you fools I said Budden, Mood Muzik Part 2 son. B.U D ah forget it its too late now lets just go with this Biden guy". Just kidding.

2) Funniest thing I've heard lately. Friend went to Subway last week and as they were wrapping his sandwich he noticed a fly in the lobster salad container on the counter. He tried to discretely bring it to the servers attention when she said "If you want it, it will be extra."

3) Ever so often I regale you with tales of how my wife is trying to take me out i.e have me knocked off, eliminate me, off me. You laugh, and say I'm imagining things but I think she really is.

Case in point. Yesterday I go out into the garden to trim the hedge. I leave the door unlocked and I'm trimming away when without warning I'm attacked by wasps. Angry wasps. Guess I must have gotten too close to their hive. I took a few stings in the top of my head and one on my shoulder which really, really hurt and I throw away my tools and fling my arms up doing the St. Vitus dance. I then proceed to do my best Usain Bolt in the 200m impression leaving the wasps in the dust and run pell-mell to the door to get away from the savage beasts. Only thing is I get to the door and my wife has the damn thing locked cause she supposedly went upstairs. Likely story!

Try telling me that wasnt a deliberate move to off me? Yea uh huh!

Pretty ugly

Got permission for this one cause certain people will email me and say I unfairing my wife too much on this blog, especially after I posted this one last year. I'm still am absolutely certain she is trying to bump me off though but that is another story.

Anyway was watching the NBA playoffs the other night and the wife joined me for a few minutes. Conversation swayed towards the NBA and the relative beauty or lack of, of most of its stars.

So I asked my wife her thoughts on one particular player who will remain nameless for now and her response was

"Naa he too pretty. I dont like pretty men like he."

So now I'm sitting there laughing my head off cause I'm thinking well either one of two things. If I good looking then the wife dont like me and if she like me then I musse real ugly.

Its a no win situation. :-)

Wedding video

So I went to my boy's wedding on Saturday. Pretty cool event if I do say so.

Came to the conclusion that men dressed up, especially in suits, are to women what women in bikinis are to men. Discuss amongst yourselves. That's my excuse for not wearing suits. I'm trying not to be a piece of meat, lol. :-)

Anyway, before the ceremony started, as the videographers and photogs set up their angles for all the wedding shots I had this conversation with my wife.

Me: hey what happened to our wedding photos anyway?
Wife: Oh they're upstairs in a box.
Me: Oh is the wedding video up there too?
Wife: No the video is downstairs in the den
Me: Oh Ok.
Wife: Don't tell me you want to finally watch the wedding video?
Me: Naa, why would I, I was there. Actually yea maybe I should watch it, see what really happened, get some perspective. You've watched it right?
Wife: No, why would I watch it? I was there. I don't want to watch it I know how the story ends. Its like Titanic, you know the ship's going to sink in the end so why watch it.

Maybe you'll get it, maybe not but it was really funny to me at the time.

Samson

So been trying to do the father thing for a while now. Whole bunch of repetitive teaching and saying No like 30,000 times per day but the yout now has about 5 or 6 words down including the words yellow (Who says pointing out every single yellow school bus on the road every morning for the past six weeks doesn't pay off)and duck.

Been doing a lot of reading to him as well as part of the whole teaching thing. I read pretty much anything that's at hand, newspaper sports page, sports illustrated, Newsweek, children's books, Bible. Also been forcing him to watch Jeopardy with me in the evenings before bed. Let me tell you I was pretty disappointed that his first words were not communicated in the form of question. He loss points from me for that.

Bought a pretty cool children's Bible when I was in Barbados at Christmas (the one's we saw here just weren't that great plus they were mega expensive) so we read that daily trying to do one story per week. Realized at some point though that some of their interpretations were a bit off on a couple of stories (just slightly off but off nevertheless) though so I'm going to have to vet everything before we read it. Cant be giving the chile wrong information and messing up his head so early although his mother did point out that I was wearing a yellow hat today when clearly the color of the hat was more a deep gold verging on orange. See what I duz have to work with? The woman undermining my hard work!

Plus she always finding fault. "How you gine read the chile de stories and ain't got nuh sound effects?" Sound effects? Chupse! Ya feel I name synthesizer? Or ya think I look like C-3P0? (In case you don't get it line remember the scene in Return of the Jedi when C-3P0 is bringing the Ewoks up-to-date with the story.)

Anyway I ignore she!

So today we reach the story of Samson. Allya remember that one? Strong man, mess with the wrong woman, haircut, brought down the roof yada yada yada. I trying the sound effects thing too. Explosions like c-4 at ya door and Jet Li kung fu liks sharing fa real!

Reach the end of the story and the wife say and do you know the moral of the story? And with a straight face I say "yes it is don't mess with the wrong women cause them will mess up ya life and doan trust no women cause dem duz try to get you to expose all ya secrets and then try to use them against ya.

She gine look at me vex vex and say "no Jdid the moral is 'Jah will never give the power to a baldhead.' "

Lawd ave mercy I think this chile doomed wid two a we fa parents.