Not Classy to Ashy

"Seen crying her rich little eyes out in Court, Paris Hilton cried out for her mommy before being lead off to her jail cell. "

So I guess in all this hoopla I am supposed to feel sorry for her right? Poor little spoilt rich girl. Cuhdear!

And I guess because she cried and bawled for mommy and because she thinks the 45 day sentence is unfair I should have some sympathy as if people with real sentences and real beefs with their verdicts don't also get sent to jail.

Sorry Paris I just don't have that sympathy or compassion to spare right now. You did the crime you man up to the sentence.

First off, it isn't like you're in a real jail anyways. You're in your own cell, no cellmate, in a nice little club-fed like jail. Ain't not one shank within 20 miles of that joint. But I guess coming from where you are coming from this must be the scariest place you've ever had to stay overnight.

So you somehow finagled yourself out of the sentence into house arrest. The sheriff said you were sick and released you. That's one of the slickest escapes I've seen since Bo and Luke were escaping the Hazzard County jail on the daily. Ah ha! I always wondered where Roscoe P Coldtrain went after the show, I guess he was reincarnated as Sheriff Lee Baca. Probably didn't hinder your release that your grand daddy Warbucks contributed to the Sheriff's election either. What do they say? One hand washes the other?

But seriously don't you see how commuting your sentence to house arrest is just like letting you off scotch free? I mean house arrest is cool when the person is confined to a small apartment or 2 bedroom house or something but house arrest in your ridiculous mansion? How many rooms y'all got in that joint? Come on now, that spot is probably as big as some entire parishes in the Caribbean. Giving you house arrest is like giving you a vacation at home. You could call in the rest of the 'non talented or famous for not doing a damn thing useful' crowd and party for a whole month.

The media seems to want us to pity your situation. The judge is being too harsh, he needs to be lenient, he's targeting you, they are trying to make an example of celebrities. Whatever! It might be true or it might not be true but look you thought you were above the system. You thought well hell I get away with my wild behavior all the time, my exhibitionist ways, showing off my privates in public, my tirades, my drunken exploits. Its what America no cut that what the world expects of me, Paris.

Well looks like its time to pay the piper.

So that I'm sick get me out of jail card doesn't gain any sympathy over here. Sorry when someone is sick in jail they get sent to the infirmary not home. Hell even pregnant women don't get sent home from jail, they deliver right there behind bars. Sick isn't a get out of jail free card. Please!

The funniest thing that I read though was this comment that I saw on Friday:"Friends said that she was not eating or sleeping in jail, and that she had been crying a lot. Some reports suggested that this was because she had not been allowed to wax or use moisturiser. Others claimed she was on the verge of a breakdown. "

In another report they also claimed she was suicidal.

Well pardon me! You mean to tell me that lack of moisturizer can lead to a breakdown and suicidal thoughts? If that's the case then they best not run out of soap up there at that prison or Paris will be a goner for sure.

But think about it how sweet is your life if ashiness is the major problem depressing you? Not money, not mortgage or car payment, not illness or family drama or work stressing you but moisturising you skin. Damn that must be nice but again its not the type of thing likely to gain sympathy from me or the general public.

Still I guess I learnt something new today. All these Anti-depression drugs like Zoloft, Xanax and Prozac that people wasting their money on all their mental problems would be easily resolved instead if we only just gave them some Vaseline Intensive Care lotion to relieve their ashiness. Forget Global Warming and all that's silliness we as a people must ban together and battle the spread of that insidious scourge ashiness. Share the moisturizing cream with those less fortunate and more ashy.

What the world needs now is lotion, just lotion.