Happy Thanksgiving to my US peoples.
Now I notice that allya have a tradition over there that come Thanksgiving the President duz pardon one sad solitary turkey wid a name like Freedom or Courage or something so, sparing him from becoming someone's dinner.
I was curious about this whole Presidental turkey pardon business so I did a little research and found out that the pardoned turkey duz get send to Disneyland to live out his life. Well actually they used to send the turkey to a farm previously in a place name Frying Pan farm park but that change now. Now cuhdear how wunnah used to do that to the poor turkey sending him to Frying pan park. Ya mean dem din had nuh space in Baking Pot areana? Wha anyway ya look at dat um is cruel an unusual punishment. That is like freeing a man from slavery and sending he to live in Captivity and Punishment lane or Bondage alley or Whipping road. Dat cant be right at all.
Anyways reading up some more I realize that the pardoned turkey does not even live a full year after he get pardoned, musse duz be too fat an die off of a poultry hypertension and diabetes an ting so and I say to myself so what is the point of this pardon? Save the turkey from the pot only to have it die of not even old age but whatever turkey diseases it is that turkeys duz die from when them that big. Waste a time!
So I say unto you Obama has let us down. I aint talking about health care and Afghanistan an, recession and bailouts and them sorta matters, I dealing with an issue close and dear and important to the hearts of the average American: the critical issue of turkey pardons. I mean, the man come in with all this big talk bout change this and change that an yet turkeys still getting pardon. That is completly unacceptable in my book. A total disregard for the average American family I say. How Fox news hasnt picked up on this yet I dont rightly know.
So my fellow countrymen, I believe that there is no need to pardon a turkey and if I am elected President (even doah I aint americun) I will make sure that no turkey is left unmaimed. (I also promise not to give you Universal health care like we enjoy in Canada cause frankly wunnah doan deserve it but that is for anudda day). Yes that is my full Presidental campaign platform...murderation for turkeys come thanksgiving. Not a beak spared!
Cause think about it. We in a big, big recession, poor people ketching hell, stocks down, big crooks steal we retirement funds, jobs gone a begging and some fellas cant even afford corn beef let loan turkey when the day come and you giving turkey a pardon to go run bout Disneyland wid Mickey, Goofy and Donald.
Naa star that cant mek it! That jive (turkey) cannot fly in my book. Kill off the turkey and feed an unfortunate family I say.
And ya know what get to me is that if this was an election year nuh turkey pardoning din happening eitha. Cause Obama would be on the campaign trail saying things like "An let us not forget Sarah, Sarah Parker from Wisconsin, who I met last week on the campaign trail. A single mother of 4 who works two jobs and after paying the the light and water bills cant even afford Thanksgiving dinner for her family." And then he would add a bariffle a chat about a time for change an next thing ya know turkey roasting on an open fire. I lie?
And God forbid that Palin woman had even get into the White house. Pardon which turkey?? Far from pardoning she woulda hunt down, kill wid she bare hands, pluck feathers, stuff and done got the turkey skin out on the table before eitha one a we cud say maverick two times and that would be on a regular weekday furthermore Thanksgiving.
So next year allya vote fa me. Remember the name Jdid. Not a beak spared! Looka somebody get me some campaign buttons nuh.