Thursday, February 14, 2008

What chu talkin bout Willis

I'm bigger than you and higher up the food chain. Get in my belly.
Fat Bastard - Austin Powers the Spy who shagged me

I almost loath blogging about celebrities these days but sometimes well you just have to.

Yesterday I read that Gary Coleman of Different Strokes fame got secretly married last August. Well good for him! Coleman is a small fella 4 foot 8 they say but the lady he marry is 5 foot 7. Even better for him. Power to the small man dem! Also he is 40 and she is 22. She was like 2 when his popular show was last on tv. What?? The man is a champion star! The words of Shabba's Twice My age come to mind.

Anyway as we discussed the news we were questioning what angle this woman coming from cause we say Gary aint no catch more like a catch an throw back. He shorter than a coffee table, he aint got nuh money and he aint too pretty pretty so we want to know what attract she to him. I give up on figuring it out, got better things to think bout so I go with her words that it was Love. As the old bajan saying goes every pot got it cover so maybe she is the one for him.

Again good for them.

But then today I read something else about the couple and it made me wonder if this woman either blind or got some sort of mental handicap.

The couple was interviewed and these are their words
"We may go a week and not speak to each other," he says, while she claims, "He lets his anger conquer him sometimes. … He throws things around, and sometimes he throws it in my direction." She adds, "I don't like the violence."

But wait! Wha wrong wid you girl? First you marry a midget and now you letting he throw things at you so? Wha you could only be blind or you head bad? You blind? You cant se the man is a midget? Look at the size of the man nuh woman! Two words for you girl. Body slam!

Bru Brax! Dun!

I know there is a saying that them short men duz be cruel and all de midgets I know evil but looka dont let nuh midget scare you chile. Looka them got shelters and organizations fa battered women, doan stan in no abusive relationship ya hear.

But if he wanta come test ya remember this; You are bigger than him. You are big enough to put him over your lap, pull out a belt and lash him.

wait -(lash) you (lash)- feel (lash)- you (lash)- big (lash) or what! (lash) Who (Lash) you think (lash,lash lash) you throwing (Lash) at (lash lash lash) nuh man (lash)? Ya (lash) best (lash) behave (lash) yaself (lash)

I guarantee if you do that one time he would think quick about throwing anything at you again.

ps: This blog neither condones spousal abuse or cruelty to small people. If I disappear next week in all likelihood I was kidnapped by a not so merry band of Dwarves.

ps2 : Happy Valentines to those who celebrate it


aquababie said...

damn you got me over here rolling! LMAO

you're right. she can take him! have you seen her? she looks kinda like a cro-magnon man! LOL

Lola Gets said...

Clarence Carter is a blind blues singer who is said to beat his wife. Im like, look, he caint see. All you have to go is go into another room, be real quiet, and when he comes looking for you, hit his ass with a golf club! Seriously ladies, exploit those weaknesses!


Mad Bull said...

LOL LOL LOL!!! Ok, you got me on this one, JDid. Is lashes him want yes!

GC said...

that lashing at the end is just the best--those were always the most instructive. The lecture lashings.
So anyway, thanks.. Happy Valentine's day to you too.


Good post! But guess what? He may just enjoy these lashings that you are recommending.You never know!RESPECT!!

Stunner said...

LOL! All she needs to do is put him over her lap and give him those lashings!

Luke Cage said...

LOL @ Stunner. Talking about giving dude lashings... dayum!

Nikki said...

Gary is trying to keep his name relevant. This marriage put his name back in the media, if only for a split second. I doubt this sham, yeah I said it, of a marriage will last.

AirBourne said...

Dat is like de time when Stevie Wonder was accused of beating he wife as grounds for divorce...

I remember de announcer, "Hold still and lemme find ya so I can cuff ya hard, hard, hard, den!"

I laugh as hard then as I am right now, oh boy!

Anonymous said...

you had me laughing Jd. The delayed speech that comes with lashing is unmistakable!