Condiments

Man dese pickney nowadays, mine included like alot a ketchup.

I mean if I did feeling a ways I wud think that my cooking aint up to scratch and the chile need ketchup to mask the taste a my cooking but I realize it aint just my food he duz put ketchup on. And is not just he one but nuff a dese other lil children I see that duz be putting ketchup on everything their parents give them to eat.

Business

Jdid recent text: "tried the new sandwich place. dey not lasting atall!"

So recently one of my regular lunchtime haunts went out of business only to be replaced by a sandwich shop. I went into it a few weeks back, took a look at the menu and figured yea this really not lasting but anyway my boss said the sandwiches were good so today I tek myself in an decide to sample the fare before I put muh mout pun dem needlessly.

Now doan get me wrong. I man aint no businessman nor nuttin so so this aint coming from no place of expertise on that end.

fast food

I saw this article from England yesterday:

The hit squad had prepared their raid long in advance.

At 10am eight police officers, some in anti-stab vests, joined three council employees on the doorstep of the Bamboo Joint takeaway.

Their mission? To stamp out the practice of selling jerk chicken within 400 metres of a secondary school.

Yesterday, the Jamaican cafe in Leytonstone, East London, became the first takeaway in the country to be given a closure order under guidelines banning the sale of fast food near educational establishments.

All I could do is laugh cause I figure this has to be the first time anybody ever refer to a west indian resturant as serving fast food.
lawd ave mercy! had these authorities done due dilligency they would have realized that food from west indian resturants is some of the slowest food in the world ....assuming they even have what you want. I mean I know some west indian places with lunch specials advertise that you hit the place at 12:45pm and they still aint finish cook their first pot a rice. Fast food! wunnah mekkin sport!

And while I wont say west indian cusine is the healtiest food out there come on now can you really compare a nice peas n rice dinner with kfc or mcdonalds. Give me a break!

And what exactly is an anti-stab vest? These Brits duz got a funny name fa evating nuh.

Airline meals

Remember one time we used to laff at those people who walked on the airplane with big set a food in their carry on?

Look at dem people though! Walking around with big, big, heavy bag of roti and rice n peas and meat and whatsnot. They aint have no culture or class though? They dont know the plane duz provide meals included in ya fare? Man duh mek muh shame!

Secretly I think we were jealous though. How dare them people come on the plane with the mouth watering, sweet smelling food. Their home cooked meal vs we with what the airplane people tried to pass off as a proper meal which was usually some mis-identified thing in a plastic plate that they claim is chicken or beef somebody or the other and we sitting there wondering if one of them CSI fellas could do a few tests to confirm if it is what de air hostess say it is before we eat any of it.

Yea boy those were the days. Free drinks and chips and peanuts and thing so too. Well not free cause it was in the price of the ticket but is free cause ya din have to pull out nuh extra money out ya pocket and well ya already pay for it so might as well eat it and enjoy amm I mean experience it.

Not so anymore is it? Now its every manjack bring his own food or pay an arm and a leg for a dry up sandwich on Air Canada and some of them other planes (i believe you still get food provided on transatlantic flights by the British carriers).

Is cheaper to buy at the airport or bring in if ya allowed than spending 6 or 7 dollars on the plane for something that should only cost about $2.50 when it was fresh 5 hours ago.

So now everybody walking with food in dey bag or hand. Even at the airport in Barbados, I went to buy food to eat there in the departure lounge and the fellas wrap it up nice and special like I was taking it on the plane. Dey catering to we needs.

Is a new day boy, new day, new things. Cant laff at nobody carrying food onto the plane no more. Rather they can laff at you.

Wait you aint bring nuh food on this flight and had to buy a 6 dollar dry up sandwich on the plane? whaaaaa, ha ha ha. Boy wha wrong wid you? You aint have no class or culture or common sense? You dont know ya duz pay extra for the plane food? Man ya mek muh shame!

Food

Food is food is food!

Don't you hate it when a restaurant that has in the past had reliably good quality tasty food suddenly isn't so good anymore?

I mean I wouldn't say I'm extremely picky with restaurants, I'll give most spots a try at least once as long as they look clean and the menu appeals to me. Its the getting me to go back there thing that will be an issue cause if you aint up to par I don't see why I should go back and spend my hard earned money with you.

And with that mindframe it means that aside from experimenting to find new spots that could be good there are very few spots that get my repeat business.

So its sad when one of them has to get cut from my list. Could be a number of things. Cooks change, menu change, size of meal change, price gone up and value for buck just aint what it used to be. But the one that really gets me is when the meal quality changes for the worse.

Woe is me

Today I had a roti from a place that I haven't been to frequently in the past few years but I always thought was one of the better roti places downtown. Dismal! I think its the fact that the staff changed and the old time roti makers aint around no more, instead replaced by cooks that clearly dont know how to make proper roti.

Shame shame shame

All about the Ben(jamins)

Caught this link from over at the War on Folly and was inspired.

Raheem sees his homie Conroy on the street.

R: Yo son whats up?

C: Everyting cris my yout! A wha gwan?

You heard the latest?

Latest? Wha latest?

Well streets is talking son. They say that apparently Uncle Ben is getting a makeover to become Chairman Ben.

Uncle Ben? Uncle Ben? Oh ya mean dat cantankerous ol man dat de yout one Peter Parker live by?

No son! Not Peter Parker's Uncle Ben. That cat caught a bad one back in Spider Man one. Straight car jacked son, wasnt wearing a vest and pow pow two shots to his chest and it was over. Where you been man? It was all over the streets.

Blouse n Skirt!

Naa son Uncle Ben from around the way. You know bow tie rocking cat been down with Rice since like day one.

Oh! Cha man! That Uncle Ben dat same one? Star a why ya neva say Bow tie Uncle Ben nuh man? Is Ben Slim we call 'im down de block cause de man always wid dat slim grained par-boiled business. Yea star me kno who ya mean! Chairman? Chairman? Well look how man get big! Cha! Nuff respect to de man den seen! Yes I!

(Chairman Ben comes around the corner on his Blackberry. Gives the brothers a pound)

What up Ben. (head nods and exchange of pounds)

Respect star!

Look at you all rice kingpin, cereal mogul and all that good stuff. Still representing the Nation (of Islam) by rocking the Farakkhan bowtie though! The suits Armani now right? True true. Yea son show em how we do! You done came up!

Yes Ben star you run tings tings no run you! A business man a run nuh inna but nor because (everyone joins in singing) my girl wan wear victoria secret drawers!

Driva! lawd ave mercy. ha ha ha

But on the real Ben, way to show the little man that with a little perseverance and just 60 long hard years of doing whatever it is you did; butlering, chauffering, shoe shining, cooking whatever it was that you did that we too can move up to the top rung of the ladder.

Is how ya mean? Like George n Weezy?

Yea son see thats what I'm talking about dog! Like George and Weezy. Moving on up to a deeee-lux apartment in the sky son! Word! (brothers slap five, Ben's still on his blackberry)

Yea. knawhatimean thats whats wrong with today's youth. Dont want to start at the bottom like ol Ben here did. Claim it takes too long to move up. Well he sure showed em all. Dem 60 years of hard work paid off. Yea son!

Wha ya a say Ben? Ya 'ave Diddy and Russell on speed dial? Bumbacl.....

You the man now Ben. Oh whats that? No more Ben? Its Benjamin now? Dammmmm! Yea well its about time Benjamin. Look at you living up to that potential an ish. Yea son its all about the Benjamins now fa sure!

(Leaning over Ben's crackberry) Star a dat de latest phone dey ya ave? Blackberry? Bloodfire! (leaning in closer) But wait cha man, yo see say the man 'ave text message from de one Halle Berry. (snapping fingers in the air) All de hot gal dem a rush di man! Yes star you a de dan! Respect to de maximum!

Yea man! You like my inspiration dog! Word to mutha! Dreams do come through! See this man here, right here (pointing to the still silent Benjamin). He's like the kingpin of the whole rice industry.

Ya naa touch im! 'im a de Pablo Escobar of de grain world my yout!

But ya kno Mr Chairman sar, everytime mi see you, you a remind mi of my great uncle dat dead a few year back. Mi cann remember him name. But 'im face did favor you and dat man cud cook some serious rice n peas ya kno. Serious chef work 'im a do. delicious, tasty itals de man a cook up, rest in peace.

Yea ok but um yea ummm.

What? You put in 20 Mil alone on the website and advertising? Yo fa real? Get outta here! Naa fa real? 20 Mil? Word! Yo son I checked that site. Yo that site is off the hizzy. That was some money well spent. No doubt!

A 20 million dollars ya say? American currency? Is joke ya a mek right?

Yea son 20 million American currency! greenbacks, dead presidents son, Jacksons and Grants and Washingtons and all that other good stuff! Kwahmean??

Bloodfyah!

Yea son there's alot of cheddar in that there Rice game.

Cheese and Rice? Cheese n Rice? Yo star that doan soun too nice to eat ya kno. I man nuh want nun a dat.

No man! I mean cheddar son, the dinero, the duckets. Cash rules everything around me, the cream, the cheddar.

Oh seen! The money dat ya a talk bout. yes I. But so see me a say Mr Chairman Benjamin. Ya ave any place in a de company fi a hardworking enterprising yout man like de I cause I man a tired a di hustling an bustling on de street dem. Mi a enterprising yout an just want a likkle piece a legit work where I man can progress and advance and move up the corporate ladder. seen!

Yo fa real! You got space for me too cause I wants to be down with that legal rice money. I mean fa real like you my inspiration, my muse, my man, my dog. I respects your hustle.

A car pulls up. Chairman Ben starts to walks away.

Yo chek out the wicked car star! Chairman yes is you definetly a run things. A wha dat? 350? 550? Bway even dem rapper dem like Jay-Z nuh ave no criss car like that.

Yo but I'm saying Chairman Benjamin. I'm sayin, yo hook a brother up. Its hard out here on the streets. Come on man. I need me some of that rice money.

Yes chairman. Doan faget de small man seen! I ave de recipies man, nuff recipie dem from long time gwan dat my ol granny a gi mi. Rice n peas, peas n rice, pelau, plain rice, splt peas rice, black eye pea rice, green pea rice. Is nuttin but pure rice knowledge I man a bring ta de table ya kno! I can even give you a copy of my resume on rice paper!

At least give a brother a business card or something so we can stay in touch cause you my role model man. My inspiration fa real! 60 years in the game and running things. Word!

Chairman Benjamin gives them a business card, gets in his car and leaves.

Stay up on your grind homie! Fight the power!

Run tings rude bway!

Yo that Ben cat is iight! I'm saying dog he's like my inspiration, my muse, my...

Yea man, me 'ear all dat chat aready, de man gone ya kno an we already ave 'im business card. cha! chupse!

But I'm saying dog, that cat right there ........


(Seriously though you've got to check the Uncle Bens site its like a virtual tour of his office and whoever designed it seriously needs a medal or something cause they put in some work.)

Mmmmm ....... Food

Well World Cup cricket is starting Sunday in the Caribbean. Well actually it has started already but so far just warm up matches are being played.

Last year almost a year in advance I blogged about this event and questioned whether we, the people of the Caribbean, would actually see the highly touted economic returns from this event. That question remains I guess, we'll see in a few months or so.

Back then when I wrote that blog though, I was just thinking about the financial issues but now as things get going I'm starting to realize just how much more there is to this thing than I ever really thought about.

I mean yes the Caribbean isn't made up of first world countries but lawd ave mercy how far were we or did we go to accommodate our guests?

I mean I'm not saying don't accommodate people but at certain points you have to say no that cant fly and make the guests accept your policy too. Instead it just looks like we say to them in advance do whatever you want, we will accept whatever laws you see as fit without question after all don't mind us, is just we live here but you can act as if this is your own place.

What am I talking about? Well I wont even get into the silly story about bajan policemen getting searched at the cricket stadium in Barbados by cricket security people cause that one just too embarrassing to me. I had to hang muh head in shame when I read that.

No what I'm talking about is I see alot of us, as Caribbean people, giving up parts of our culture to host these games. The way we usually watch cricket was deemed not appropriate by the authorities and changes were/are being made.

Cant have all those horns and conch shells making noise in tourist ears. Cant say this, cant say that it might be offensive.

Then there is this whole issue with food. A fella cant even bring a drink of water into a stadium , cause they treating you like the airlines these days, searching you like immigration and nothing cant bring in ya hand or handbags. I guess they are worried about terrorists but still things seem mighty heavy handed.

Plus it seems like with these new security restrictions also applying to the immediate areas around the ground you cant even find a place outside the stadium to buy food or a drink so your only option is the concession stand.

How could we allow this? Ok I mean I understand to some extent the you cant bring in your own food point as the event coordinators want to sell you their expensive stuff from their concession stands and they will point out well you cant bring food into an NBA game or a NFL game or the like. True, good point but cricket could be seen as an exception here cause a cricket match isn't some three hour basketball game its a whole damn day. You go to cricket like you go to work. You get there at 9 or 10 in the morning and don't leave til after 5. Cricket is an outing. You need three squares at cricket, why ya think the players duz have water break, lunch break and tea break? Its not just for fun, its that its a long game and just like the players need their nutrition I think the spectators need theirs too.

Plus lets look at this culturally. Anybody at all who knows traditional West Indian cricket knows that cricket is an outing, a picnic, a lime even and people go into a cricket ground with a picnic basket, or a cooler with a whole heap of food for not only them but in most cases to share with others. Anyone who has heard Paul Keens Douglas' Tanti Merle at the Oval and been to a cricket match knows that his humorous tale contains only slight exaggerations on the girth of the picnic baskets and coolers that people used to bring to cricket back in the days.

Look even a small bony man like myself would walk with two or three hamcutters, a litre a Pine Hill juice, some fish cakes and some other drinks and that is just for me alone. Plus ya done know that if the spirit hit me that food didn't seeing lunch time at all. It might not even mek it past water break.

Ok I'm just joking but the point is Cricket in the Caribbean has always been more than a game Going to an international match is a social event alot more so than say going to a basketball or hockey game in North America. Why? Because you are at cricket the whole day, plus the islands are small and chances are you will definitely see somebody auntie or cousin that you know or somebody that used to work with you 10 years ago and you will get to chat and converse with them at the game. Its hard to make friends at something that you're just going to for for two intense hours like basketball but a cricket match you have ebbs and flows in the on field action so you might sit down next to a complete stranger in the morning and start chatting during a lull in play and by tea you are buying them drinks or borrowing their transistor radio to find out exactly how the commentators say the man was lbw when you see clearly he play bat and pad.

Also at cricket sometimes the play in the stands duz be more exciting than the play on the field too.

Cricket is a social event, a chance to make friends, to cuss, weep, jeer, praise, even chat up the odd woman or two. It is also a chance to eat and drink and eat and drink you must cause you're there for an entire day, you really don't have a choice unless you're fasting.

So no you cant just expect a fella to sit down in a stand for 6+ hours and suck on air or alternatively pay really exorbitant prices every couple of hours to get something to eat. Man that will get very expensive and annoying (as the patrons line up) for the patrons real quick.

Now look I'm not saying let a guy bring in enough food to feed the 5000 but did the planners think about the absolute and draconian measures they were instituting regarding the entry of food and drink and how it affects the fans. Surely some allowance could have been made for even say two bottles of water or a couple of fish cakes to be brought in. Cuhdear!

To me it just feel like we Caribbean people, or whoever it was at the table representing we when they were negotiating the event parameters, just sit down and nod their head to every proposal that was given by the International cricketing bodies without expressing any sort of issues they might have with the parameters.

Ya know what I'm saying?

But then again who am I to complain, ya cant live in the old times. I guess this is the price of progress.