cellphones

Nowadays everybody and their momma has a cellphone.

And no I'm not here to debate whether that is a good or bad thing although I'll probably mention stuff like connectivity and reminisce on the days back when we had phone booths. (What's Clarke Kent supposed to do now?)

Actually why not let me discuss cellphones for a bit. The good thing about cellphones is the way they keep us connected. Honey I'll be home late, umm hello CAA my car broke down on the 401, Boss man de road dem block up wid traffic ta rathid, I man naa reach work till quarter past 10, mek dat 1030 cause I ave fe stop at Tim 'orton.

Things like that are good reasons why this improvement in technology is a good thing although when you think of it none of the reasons listed above are that life threatening or critical although you could make an exception for the car break down thing. One could always wait till one reached home or work to give an excuse instead of filling the air with all these extra invisible radio wave, sonic rays, infrared beams and the like. Still its good to be connected and to have that comfort with knowing that in an unpleasant situation you have a way to get help. Of course Murphy's law says the one time you do need to make that all important call you'll probably get a message saying no signal or poor reception. A so it go!

And speaking of poor well what's someone who cant afford a cellphone (as well as superheroes) supposed to do now? Phone booths are now all but non-existent. Back in the day a phone booth may not have been on every corner but it was pretty close and gave phone access to anyone with a quarter. Not everyone can afford a cellphone now so that's another divide for the haves and have nots. What like poor folks don't have emergencies? Maybe we need cellphone booths. Hmmmmm.

And think about how crazy its gotten with cellphones over the years as the electronics and telecom companies push their latest inventions at us making us believe we need to buy a new phone everytime they make even the slightest advance in the field. "See the older model was 20 grams but this new one is only 19.5, cant you feel the big difference?"

Yea smaller was better as the giant brick like weapons of the 80s just weren't very comfortable to move around with. But isn't there a limit to how small you really want to go? What's with the devices made for Liliputians these days? Easier to lose so that you need to replace them more frequently I guess. I swear some of the phones are so small that you need a pin or pencil to actually dial a number.

And what's with all the add on features? We have cellphones with cameras, cellphones with radio, cellphone with 1000 ring tones so you can tell exactly who's calling, even video phones. Do we really need any of this? I mean am I really losing out on quality of life because I cant pull out my cell camera and live out my Spike Lee fantasy as I walk down the street. Must every small incident be captured on video for memory? What happened to seeing it with your own eye and re-telling the tale?

Seriously we have so many cellphone add-ons soon we may even have cellphones that will talk to you.

ring ring:
me: 'yo hol on while I answer this rude bwoy. Yes star a who this?
phone: chupse! wha ya mean who dis is? You aint have no manners or what? You mother never teach you bout good morning or hello? chupse! Is de phone man.
me: A wha ya want phone, I tell ya stop harassing de I. Me a busy man ya kno!
phone: But wait. ya mean I tek my time ta hail you up and you getting on so? Well if you wanta be dat sorta way I aint calling you no more. Matter a fact ya see me, doan touch me and expect me ta dial nuh dial nuh more. I aint connecting you wid a fella! all the time you got me calling you pretending dat yu got friends an important business an mekkin you look like a big shot and you getting on so now. Man I dun wid you cause ya aint got nuh sorta manners nor respect fa me. You got me real vex ya kno! You aint know how lucky you is den cause if I had hands I would box ya in ya ears ya kno. You barely lucky dat I is a hands free set!

Imagine that getting backchat from the phone? I'm telling you that's not far away in the future.

And why is it that the more connected we get the more means we use for screening and avoiding people? If you want to avoid folks calling you well you can pay some extra money for caller ID or special rings for individual callers or here's a novel idea turn off the phone, don't carry it everywhere or just don't get a cellphone and you can be inaccessible as much as you like. Oh well.

Wont even talk about inappropriate conversations in public places or phones going off in places where they should be silent as I know everyone who reads this has had that opportunity to see this first hand at least once.

Still like I said this wasn't a blog to diss cellphones. They have their place and I must admit despite all the drawbacks (lets not even talk about the possibility of cancer and all that) that I sort of like them. They are not by any means a necessity for me but I just think its cool how their proliferation means that I can walk down the street and talk out loud to myself without getting weird stares anymore.

Its true! Think about it. Cellphones have made once deviant behavior acceptable or at least given it the appearance of acceptability. I mean honestly when you were walking down the street and someone appeared to be talking to themselves back in the day you were likely to cross to the other sidewalk to avoid them. You would think to yourself 'he head like um off today' or 'I wonder which mental institute he get way from' or as my mother would say when she saw someone talking to themselves 'is de drugs dat got dem young people walking bout half foolishy foolishy.'

But today do you even give someone who appears to be talking to themself on the street a second glance? Nope. You assume that they are on a cellphone so even if you don't see the physical device chances are they have a Bluetooth headset or some other handsfree device plugged into their ear that you cant discover on first glance.

So as a man that duz talk to himself real nuff. I mean have full blown epic conversations, I think cellphones are one of the greatest inventions known to man. No longer am I an outcast (well at least not on the talking to myself thing). Finally I fit in.

And if someone was to ever come up to me and ask who I'm talking to, I can just pretend that my hands free device is really really small and wireless. However I've learned they just don't appreciate the humor when I tell them about my special plan where you get unlimited minutes to split personalities for free.