Thursday, July 14, 2005

Tales from the retail side

Image hosted by Photobucket.comAll of these are interesting little interludes that occurred with me in food establishments last week actually all within a 48 hr span of Tuesday and Wednesday.

Episode 1)
I've been very busy these days after work not seeing my home till midnight the last few days (hence no decent blogs last week) so I've been doing a fair bit of eating and drinking on the road. On last Tuesday evening after work and having run a few errands on my way to another errand I stopped to pick up something to eat. Just a quick snack really but not fast food.

So I went into this downtown establishment that I frequent on occasion, already knew what I was getting so quickly made my order and stood around to wait while my food was prepared. Another customer was ahead of me and she sat in a chair waiting for her rather large order to be filled as well. As I waited, rather bored I might add, in walks this slim built young lady and another gentleman. The young lady proceeds to place her knapsack on a chair and then walk towards the service area. The gentleman ahead of her has already called in his order so he jumps to the front of the lineup and in a few seconds he's served and out of there. Oh I guess they weren't together as I initially thought. The young lady looked at me and asked if I was in line, I shook my head and hand gestured to say no go right ahead and she made her way to the server who apparently is the owner of the establishment.

Now in a rather soft, pleasant voice the young lady very respectable like said good evening started to speak to the proprietor about flyers for some upcoming event being placed in the restaurant. Somehow and I was close enough to hear the whole conversation so nothing the young lady said was offensive in either content or manner spoken, the owner just was vex from the word go. She immediately raised her hackles and was sternly telling the young lady that no flyers were allowed in the restaurant. The young lady replied well you already have a flyer up for my event. The owner asked who gave her permission to put up that flyer in the first place and it was going to damage her wall and went on a mini tirade about painting her walls etc directed towards the young lady. The young lady assured the owner that she had received permission from someone on the staff to put up the flyer. Still remaining calm the young lady said I just wanted to thank you for allowing us to put up the flyer its not necessary to put up any more, all the while the owner is constantly interrupting her. The young lady said basically I didn't come here to argue I came to offer you tickets to the event for your kindness in allowing us to place the flyers here. Well who tell she say that! For some reason this was the last straw and the owner went ballistic saying 'I don't want no damn tickets' and flying off the handle complaining about the flyer messing up her walls and just in a really aggressive manner chasing the young lady out of the store. All this occurred while like I said other customers were there waiting.

Episode 2)
Rushed out the house Wednesday morning without breakfast. After an uneventful transit ride to work during which I slept most of the way, I decided I'd stop by the Second Cup (its sort of like a Canadian Starbucks but not as jiggy) to hook up a cup of hot chocolate cause ya know my bajan mudda always say ya should drink something warm in the morning to wake up the stomach and get rid of the gas. So apparently Second Cup sells regular "Hot Chocolate" and also "White Hot Chocolate". Actually I completely missed the white hot chocolate bit for the many years I've been going there but one day a few weeks back I went in there and the lady there suggested that I try it since it tastes more like actual chocolate that the other stuff. (Why does the White Hot Chocolate taste more like real Chocolate I ask? Its a conspiracy by the man. There's a blog in there somewhere. lol) Me being the adventurous gourmet said why not and gave it a try and son of a gun wouldn't you know she was right. The white hot chocolate is the ish!

So that morning I go into the Second Cup and I get to the counter and say can I get a "White Chocolate". Lawd ave mercy! If you see the look on the server face when I asked her for a white chocolate ya wudda swear I had just asked a nun to lend me a porno movie. She and the next server look at me in shock and then said "White Chocolate?" I said yes and then suddenly it dawned on them and a look of relief came over their faces "oh you mean white HOT chocolate".

But seriously just by taking out that one word it looked like I had all of them stumped like I had just invented a new menu item and they were going to have a nervous breakdown. The look on their faces was priceless. Made me wonder if I had somehow just only thought about saying white chocolate and instead had opened my mouth and let loose a steady stream of expletives like 'looka gimma a cup dat blasted bleep bleep expensive as bleep bleeping bleep that wunnah duz sell' or something.

Either that or one of them has a secret nickname white chocolate and they wanted to know how I knew about it. Anyway I may have to leave the word hot out again next time I go there just to see that reaction.

Episode 3)
Now I live by certain cardinal rules one of which is other people will get you in trouble so don't listen to them. Last Wednesday evening again in the midst of a long day which ended at about 1 o'clock Thursday morning I'm looking for something for dinner on the road. Was meeting the wife as well so we decided hey lets see if we cant go to this one establishment and get some food. We'll meet there.

So I get caught on the streetcar for like a million years because traffic just seems to be mad crazy at 6:30 even though I'm going what would probably take about 30 minutes to walk. The place we're planning on going closes at 7 so we're cutting it close. Oh Oh! Traffic is backed up and when I do finally step off the street car its around 7 so I hurry to the food spot hoping that de wife is there and has ordered for me. Get there and the door is closed. Damn! So I call de wife cause I figure she should have made it there already but peeping through the windows I don't see her inside.

She's a regular at this spot I should mention while I've only been there once before. So she says I'm a few steps from there why don't you knock on the door and if so n so, the owner, is inside she'll open for you and let you in. I'm like what? She repeats it Why don't you knock on the door and the owner will let you in. Umm but its after closing time and I'm a strange black man. Oh that's no problem she says. Alrighty then!

Now I'm standing there thinking now last time I looked in the mirror I was a tall, skinny broke-ass brother named Jdid not a short fat 'richer than most third world countries' sista named Oprah so I don't know anything about this opening up to allow me to buy anything after closing business. I was never priviledged like that. Mind you I guess I was really tired or dotish because I actually listened to my wife and went and knock on the people door. Dumb dumb move! So the owner comes to the door peeps out with a 'who the hell is this paging me at 5:46 in the morning, crack of dawning' biggie look on her face thinking to herself oh I know that this igrant looking black man aint knocking on my door after he see I put up my we're closed sign. Oh hell no!

So the lady comes out and I say ummm are you closed? Well duhh I did read the sign didn't I? She says yes so I ask if she can make an exception for a brother since its only like 5 after 7 and she's not really really closed. She says no all the while glancing furtively around like she's thinking this man cant be that ignorant he's trying to rob my ass. Seriously I could tell that the woman was a lil agitated and worried that I was up to something

When ya hear the shout now all a sudden de wife show up as the woman was probably getting ready to slam the door in my face or call the police on me. She walk up, hail up the woman by hey first name, tell the woman she hungry and I is she husband and the woman juss open up the door so bram let we in and next thing I know the lady was asking me what I want to order. Blouse n skirt! or as a bajan would say Wha de Rass..... (I in decent company so I cant use those words) juss happen there?

Wha I didn't know the wife had clout like that. Its like she bigger than Oprah den but sorta like a mini Oprah.......Unfortunately without the ooodles and oodles of money as well but I mean even Oprah had her issues with getting the folks in Europe to open up the store after hours for her to shop but here it is my wife just walk up to the woman just so and get we in to get our grub on. Damn! The woman just come through and bram the doors were open, like Moses parting the red sea then, I was in shock let me tell ya. Such clout, who knew, I mean I hear say that woman a run tings but still man I think I should be frighten fa de wife now ya know. I threading lightly.

16 comments:

nahmix said...

Lol..too funny!

Lene said...

hahahahahahha. your stories are too jokes. the first story, man, that woman was an ageist. why she hatin on the poor girl trying to get her hustle on? blasted wench!

then in the second story, those second cup people are fools. they don't know what you are saying unless you say the things on the menu EXACTLY. like i asked for a peach mango tango, and they looked at me like i asked for oxtail and rice and peas. dammit! just gimme the damn drink!!

your wife has the juice like tupac in the same movie. hahahahaha. "part like the red sea" indeed... that's lyve

Urban Sista said...

LOL!!! Thank you for the afternoon jokes.

I know that some older West Indian people does get on real bad when young people does talk to dem. Lemme tell you I had many a run in with some disgusted older West Indians in my day.

Anonymous said...

I may sound like a male dog when I type this, but I going do it anyway. Woman in 1st Episode sound like she need a long hard dose of Vit S!

I always thought white chocolate was milder than the pigmented stuff. Oh well.

Wifey bigga dan large to rass JDid. If it wasn't for her youd'a nyman slam door fe dinner!

Good read. Dr. D.

Abeni said...

Something wrong with that woman in episode 1.I feel sorry for the poor girl.

Campfyah said...

What can we say Jdid...de wifey gotts it like dat.

As fuh de first woman, she just unmanerly so, some West Indian owners like that.

Luke Cage said...

LMAO!!! Yo, I had so much to write while I was reading this and then the comments section came and a brotha drew a blank. Needless to say, I have nothing to add. Funny post man. Have a great weekend!

titilayo said...

Wait, you now find out about white hot chocolate? When I was in Canada at university, I used to drink that thing every day. The people at the Second Cup in the UC get so accustomed, when they see me coming they start to make it so that when I get there it done already (sometimes I used to want to mess with them, and tell them, "Oh, I don't want that today, I would like a cup of tea, please."). And that was, what, 6 years ago now? You need to get with the hot beverages programme, man, you behind time.

And big ups to your wife, man. It's all about who you know, and she obviously knows the right people.

Gunner Kaufman said...

Your lady sounds like a serious power broker there man....hold on tight.

Also, maybe its time you find some new fastfood spots...

Amadeo said...

I hate when people need you to call every thing by it's title...

The Wifey is making power moves.

Scratchie said...

Serious writing here JDid...I love the stories.

Radmila said...

"ya wudda swear I had just asked a nun to lend me a porno movie".

hahahahahah

BajanSistren said...

And to think that all this time I hanging wid dis fella and de wife is de one carrying all de sway. Well now my brother, I still plan to speak to yuh when I see yuh and ting but just so yuh know, I gine be hanging wid de wife from here on in cause as we does say in Bimshire "you aint saying a pang".

notyouraverage.... said...

hilarious! lol @ bajansistren.

second cup is da bomb. i'm not a coffee drinker, therefore never frequented either establishment, but i discovered their 'chocolate lovers lattes'. add an extra shot of chocolate with whip cream and a caramel lattice - heaven!

Jdid said...

@nahmix - thanks
@star - so true about the second cup folk
@urban sis - but wait who say that the woman west indian. boy ya quick ta jump to conclusions eh hey! lol
@Dr D - man i gonna to have to rewrite this blog cause wife gettin too much props
@abeni - yea I felt sorry for her too
@camp - man like i ask urban sis who tell wunnah dat the woman was west indian, i aint say nuttin so.
@luke - thanks
@titilayo - yea i really behind the times
@gunner - will try
@amadeo - too many power moves lol
@scratchie - thanks, hope emily aint cause ya too much trouble
@radmila - glad you liked it
@bajan sis - cuhdear doan treat me so
@nyabg - chocolate lovers latte? will have to hook that up sometime

Anonymous said...

this had me chuckling (at 1:35am)
Yamfoot