Thursday, August 11, 2005

Come say Hi to the bad guy

Unfinished thoughts here.

So I'm thinking I need some sort of image makeover.

Why? Well I keep running into these situations where folks are scared of me, scared of my reaction, scared of what I'll say or do and hence kind of avoiding me or just keeping a really low profile around me. No I'm not talking about the usual white fear of a black man thing I'm actually talking about people who I know or should know me pretty well.

Yet they fear me.

I'd rather be feared than loved because the fear lasts longer
Fat Joe - Who Shot ya remix.

that's all well and good if there was something to fear about me but I'm trying to figure out what it is about me that would make these folks fearful. Its not like I've got crazy clout like the Godfather and its not like I'm a vengeful psychopathic killer or anything. In fact if anything I'd say I have a tendency to be too nice. I go with the whole anger is one letter away from danger angle so I try to be cool, calm and collective even in some severely testing situations.

Stuff I could and probably should have blow up at I've let slide without even raising my voice. I've seethed a lot but its basically been an internal thing, I rarely let people see that they have offended, angered or annoyed me.

So what's this whole fear thing about?

I have no idea

And the fear thing makes me afraid too. I'm afraid that it's being thrown at me so much that I will actually embrace the role, like black kids who are told they will never amount to 'nuttin'. I will become the bad guy, the person to be afraid of. I will start playing that role. Yea so that scares me quite a bit.

So what is it about me that's evokes this emotion. I'm not quite sure. Maybe its the whole quiet vibe thing that I give off, maybe because they cant read me, maybe its a fear of the unknown.

Maybe these people have done me something wrong that I'm not aware of or that they fear I know and will retaliate on and so that's why they are running from me like Tokyo' residents from Godzilla.

The funny thing is its not an altogether unfamiliar situation for me cause growing up I saw the same ish happen to my dad. Folks were and still are sort of afraid of him. Yet, to me, he's like the coolest, joke-cracking, person I know. Maybe its because I'm not quick to be all happy happy joy joy with anyone. Sorry that's not my steelo. I'm reserved, I gotta feel you out first, feel the vibe, make a connection first.

But still I aint talking about first time acquaintances here, they could be forgiven for showing some trepidation but these are people who've known me for years and who I've never done any wrong to.

Yea I'm hardheaded, yes I refuse to be pushed around, yes I will tell you if you messed up, yes I will call you if I think you're trying to play me. But I'm not loud, aggressive or threatening by any means in the manner that I do these things. So why the fear? Forget a image makeover! If what I do makes me a bad guy then hey what can I say 'come say hi to the bad guy'.


Nikki said...

Maybe your laid-back, cool and calm demanor is what they fear. You know, they say it's always the quiet ones that can snap on you. Could be that what they think.

Dr. D. said...

JDid, it is probably on account of stereotyping.

I say 'Eff' what people want to think. Be yourself my yute.

Luke Cage said...

Nikki said it best man. I too have been labeled scary for the simple fact that very few people have seen me angry. So, the fear of the unknown can be something of a good thing if wielded right, but at the same time can become a brotha's achilles heel. That said, I think you should do your own personal Q&A, and find out from the folks who fear you themselves. No better way that to go to the source dawg.

Abeni said...

Agree with Nikki

~b*b~ said...

i think you you should count yourself fortunate that others might perceive you as unapproachable - at least they're keeping their distance :)

Inside Man said...

My father gave me a natural "don't fuck w/ me look (scowl)" so people always think I'm pissed off. Some have labeled me as cold hearted and angry when they haven't heard a peep out of my mouth. It's the exact opposite though because I'm always open to chopping up about anything and enjoying humor. I feel your pain bro, just don't get caught up in police line up........

Don Tate II said...

Sounds like you have the same problem I do. I'm very quiet except when Im at home with family. I think my silence and the fact that I'm a black man freaks people out. I think the quiet freaks them out more because other blacks are just as uncomfortable being around me as are whites. So it's an endless circle, I remain quiet, people are uncomfortable, so I remain quiet. But people who are brave enough to take the time to get to know me are pleasantly surprised to find a person under the exterior, and not some kind of monster.

Amadeo said...

People fear what they don't understand...simple as that. They can't read you and don't know what to expect.

4panist said...

I work with this guy who I must use the technical term "flat affect". He rarely smiles, I can never tell if what he is thinking. Its really unnerving because I can't tell if he is agreeing with me or if he is thinking this girl is talking pure crap. So although it seems Jdid has attracted many equals, let me say that sometimes when people are hard to read, its hard for the other person to know how to react.

Dr. D. said...

Wah you a seh bad guy JDiD!? ;-0

I see some dutty eediat spammer find you comment box! Duss dem out!

dorna! said...

That spamming foolishness will sure as heck bring out the 'bad guy'. ;)

Traynice said...

What de rass was dat? Schuuppsse all dat shite mess up muh good shoes.

I think you are one of the most coolest peeps I know and we havent even met yet. But it could be in the Sag in you.

Mad Bull said...

I say use this thing... jack them up and take their cash! ;-)
If you agree, I'll tell you where we can meet to split the loot.

princessdominique said...

That fear is probably just based on their own insecurities.

smallislandgirl said...

I agree with Nikki people fear the unknown and the less they can figure you out the more fearful they become use it to your advantage keep that mistery going.

Jdid said...

@nikki - thats probably what they think
@Dr D - I trying
@Luke - true, i may do that
@abeni - ok
@b.b - I guess it has its good points lol
@KG - trying not to to bro
@Don - i think thats my problem too
@amadeo - yep
@4panist - is wha ya trying ta say dat i have flat affect? :-)
@Dr D - yea damn blog spam
@Dorna - it will
@traynice - thanks
@mad bull - ha ha ha
@princess D - possibly
@smallislandgirl - i shall