Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The Warning

the criminals, tryin to drop my decimals
Damn! N**** wanna stick my for my cream
And it ain't a dream, things ain't always what it seem

The Warning - B.I.G

You single folks don't realize how good you've got it. I not telling lies ya kno!

From the time you get married, people seem to assume that you've lost all common sense like the wedding ring zaps your intelligence and so they try to take advantage of you by trying to sell you all sort of crap that you don't need. Or maybe it is they say well if he/she was stupid enuff to get married maybe his/her head aint all there so we can sell them some foolishness.

I'm not kidding, as soon as you say the 'I do' its like open season on married couples. Its like they have guys whose job it is to stand around outside the church with cell phones waiting till they see you kiss the bride to call and say ok the deed done lets get him now.

'Yes bossman, Jdid get married'
'ya sure? Ya see the ring exchange? ya confirm he sign the papers?
'Yes boss, everything official. He say I do, he put on the ring, and he went up and sign the papers. And he aint look too happy happy now so ya can tell that it official! She start dragging he by the hand already!'
'Alright, thanks, send in the elite telemarketer assualt team on the double, we got him now.'

And is not like I mean only selling you little trinkets and the like, I talking about big money things that they trying to sell you. Vacations, cars, this that and the third package for thousands of dollars like just cause you now have a double income your pockets suddenly that fat.

Well them musse aint know my wife cause I aint got no double income. I now have more like half an income cause she say half of mine is hers and and what's hers well she aint telling me what she got so I aint getting nuttin. So with that sort of situation all of them barking up the wrong tree cause my pockets on E(empty). Actually scratch that I well past E.

And don't let ya ever get married and own a house. Oh gosh it gets even worse then. They will try to sell you some of everything under the sun. I an only imagine if I get kids that they might even get worse too.

Now the worst of the criminals trying to sell you stuff are the ones peddling timeshares and vacations. In truth I just got off the phone with a guy who all of a sudden, out of the blue, call me up and was trying to give me three days at a 4 star hotel in a resort area for a small amount of money. I was a little bit skeptical from the get go though as in maybe his second or third comment he said something like 'We are looking for people like you who own houses'. People like me? How he know I own a house and what my owning a house got to do with you offering me a cheap vacation? People that renting condos and apartments don't like vacations too?

Then he say something about well you earn over such and such a figure and I was like but wait he like he know very much bout my business affairs and while dat might be true I already explain to y'all my dollar situation. Is the wife that got de money not me. Anyway I still want to know where he get those figures from cause he like he was doing my income tax or something so. Boy this thing sounding real fishy to me.

So after some prodding I found out that the only stipulation for the vacation is that on the second day they want you to come to a 90 minute presentation. 90 minute presentation? Ding Ding ding!! More bells, alarms and gunshots going off in my head now than your average dancehall cd. They trying to sell me something I don't want. Nuh uh, I'm going to decline this offer tempting as it may seem.

Cause I've been to one of these things before and they were pushing these 10 and 20 thousand dollar packages at me and were getting upset because I say I not interested. But that's another story.

Plus the guy was like you can come up on September 8th or September 15th. So wait you just call me to offer me a vacation package and I supposed to drop everything to rush along on this vacation just like that? Who tell he that I available in September? He feel I don't work nowhere that I could just up and galavant bout the place so? Looka, I is a busy man, I cant just drop everything just on his say so and go on vacation. I got work, family commitments, blogs to write and the like. Bwoy him feisty and rude eh hey? Trying to presume to schedule my business or rather my vacation. I cant even remember ever offering him the position of Jdid social director if such a position existed and yet my man trying to plan my life. Well well well!

Oh and happy birthday to Kami


Sunshine said...

Hi Jdid-Yu doan know the saying once yu get married "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine" .
Time sharing-never bought one and I'd be so skeptical when they solicit over the phones.

Gunner Kaufman said...

THE longer you stay married, the more your house grows, the harder they will come out of the woodwork to get you to buy ANYTHING!
And i think ONYX summed it up with the lyric"WHATS YOURS IS MINE, WHATS MINEIS MINE"

Brotha Buck said...

And my mortage company has become my worst enemy. Sending me escrow bills like I just got $$$ laying around.

*The blogger formerly known as Devas T*

Campfyah said...

That's right Jdid, next time tell dem dat is de wifey that controlling things, so dem gonna have tuh talk tuh she, cause yuh trade de ring fuh all yuh worthly possessions.

Time Shares !!! I was recently contemplating buying one until I read in a financial mag, that it's the worst investment ever. and to think that last yr, I won a one week stay for two at any RCI resort in the world and I was going to take the trip.

Mr. Righteous said...

Man I hear yuh, I end up at a luncheon with these vacation people, its the closest I ever come to saying to my wife "I dont". Now I does tell them up front send my winings in the mail save de ole talk.

Meka said...

This is too funny. I'm not married yet so I'm glad I don't have to worry about that for a minute. Good post!

SP said...

Honey, it's not just when you get married. I'm single, but I own a house. I get those calls all the time too. Don't they know I've got a morgage to pay?

Dr. D. said...

Well, I single, luckily dem nuh call much. Perhaps dem hear seh me a bruck Docta!

wannabe_ceo said...

fuuny post brethren

button_nose said...


Boy I tell ya you too funny!

Smooches :)

princessdominique said...

Enjoy it while you can.

Amadeo said...

It's every when you go to college they want to give you credit cards...and once you get over 50 the AARP comes for you.

brooklyn babe said...

Married, or no Married, people make assumptions about your pockets all the time. Don't get a new nicer car... cause that must mean U have dough. Nope. Sorry to tell ya, it means my dumb ass just locked myself into a five-year note!
Looking back, my hooptie was not that bad after all... lol.
Funny Post!

Traynice said...

And donot get a business license you get calls 24/7 even on Sundays...serious

Poeza said...

one thing else i notice is that people always asking you "how married life treating you?" and if "things still good?"

1stly, which idiot does get married to get treat bad? and 2ndly, why everybody seem to be waiting for you to tell them things bad?

i also admit (and almost shamefully so)buying one of them time share things. as it turns out we bargained them down to the bare minimum, git back all our money's worth on the first trip and still have 9 trips left. we were lucky, but i can safely say at least this one was worth it.