Halloween

I never go where the Pagans go
and I neva do what the heathen do

Warrior King - Pagans

I am not celebrating no Halloween. Why? Well I hardly see the point of this holiday. What exactly are we celebrating here? I actually find it a little disturbing that we celebrate a holiday which appears to honor demons, witches and various evil beings. Now hold on I'm not going to get all Jimmy Swaggert/ Jerry Falwell on you today, although I feel that some a ya really need ta find Christ, and I know I probably shouldn't take this holiday serious but I still find its concept a bit disturbing especially since such a big part of the celebration appears to revolve around children.

Now I gine let allya know this from early; when I have children I doan want nun a dem playing no trick or treating or is good Caribbean cut-ass in all dem tail. It might not be dem fault, the missis or the grandparents might try to take dem trick or treating but since the wife and she family bigger than me an I cant beat none a dem, the children gine gotta get the cut-ass cause I aint wanta hear no excuses. No "Mummy tek me" or "granny tek me" is not a valid excuse, ya should know better than to disobey ya father. Cut ass in ya tail! Good I get that out of the way.

Anyway so tonight nuff little kids mostly accompanied by their parents will run around neighborhoods knocking on people's door at dinner time, or just after, begging for candy.

Now let me digress for a minute. Allya aint see how this holiday revolves around stuff that wont sell normally? When else during the rest of the year would you need a badly sown, tear up, rip up, outlandish looking costume or a pair of fangs? Tell me that? When else would you be buying Snickers and Mars in bulk? Who does say "boy I got a lil sweet tooth today I think I gine go buy a tonne a Milky Way chocolates"? Who you know duz do that? Wake up people! Its all marketing to boost sales in the Fall. The merchants and manufacturers say well I got this pieca ol cloth hayso dat rip up an look razzy razzy (bajan for shorn, badly worn, umm and other stuff) wha I gine wid this? Well I could throw it away or oh wait I know let me make a Halloween costume and let me make some more money. Same thing with the candy manufacturers. Those guys must love this time of year.

Anyway back to what I was saying two paragraphs ago. Tonight here in North America , I cant swear for the islands because I hearing that Halloween reach wunnah too, nuff little children will be on your doorstep expecting that you would have spent your hard earned money to get candy for them.

Now to me this notion is disturbing on many levels. First why are all these random kids showing up at my door disturbing my peace and expecting me, who really don't know them from Adam, to have spent my lil slave wages on them? What kind of example of real life would I be giving them if I really gave them candy? Why they would start thinking that you can get handouts in real life this easy and then they will all become lawless, lazy members of society expecting me to work harder to support them. That not happening at all! For the good of society and to make our youth more industrious I must put my foot down. I aint giving you a thing! Don't feel is you specifically that I targeting now. Is nothing so but I have to put my community first.

Secondly, All year long parents tell their kids not to take things from strangers, don't talk to this and that body, stay away from so and so because he/she aint trustworthy and then Halloween rolls around and all that talk out the door as they take their kids to get a pound of candy from every "Sam Pooch and the Duppy" (bajan phrase meaning everyone imaginable). Imagine that? Actually to me this is so ludicrous that I rethinking my original stance and if the missis and she family tek me children trick or treating I may have ta give them sum liks too.

I mean everyone so paranoid these days about safety. You see a little white powder on someone and people running away screaming for anthrax. Last year we had SARS and everyone walking around with face mask. You would think with everyone being so safety and security conscious that parents would want to be more careful and not take kids to get candy on the streets on Halloween. I mean seriously, aren't you putting your kids lives in danger somehow by letting them take stuff?

Thirdly, Trick or Treating is like parent sponsored begging. You usually teach your kids not to beg for stuff during the rest of the year and then make an exception on Halloween. Hello! Do you not realize how many mixed messages you are giving this child? Nope I cant condone no begging for candy because that can lead to some questionable situations with all the sick folk they got out ion this world today.

Finally, every day you hear about how kids nowadays are more overweight and less healthy than previous generations because they eat more crap and lead a more sedentary lifestyle. Instead of kicking a football on the playing field they now playing ESA World Cup soccer and got a lil computer man kicking the ball for them while they inside laying down on the couch. So you think with all these overweight, unfit kids knocking about the place I really should be encouraging an unhealthy lifestyle by giving these children candy so that when they get older and the heart disease, blood pressure and diabetes start affecting them they can come back and sue me because I encourage them in slackness. No that not happening at all! If any a dem come to my door I getting out the dog-hunter and chasing dem away. That serve two purposes; one they will stop confusing me and two them will get a bit of exercise running from me. Don't look at me like I mad, I doing it for their benefit. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Ya neva hear dat yet?