Well today I'm starting my three part relationship series. Yep ya heard it right! :-) I turning psychologist and romance doctor combined. New alternative career. You can call me the love doctor Jdid. Dat is LOVE doctor not SEX doctor so don't come to me wid no freaky stories about how you do dis, dat an the third. La la la, I aint listening cause I aint wanta hear nun a dat! Keep that to yourselves. Its LOVE doctor get it right ha ha. Anybody know that oldies song that goes 'I am your doctor love, call my number any time' or y'all too young fa that?
Just kidding though, romance doctor, love doctor or sex doctor I aint. Anyway by claiming that this is a three part series I'm putting some pressure on myself to come up with three blogs this week on relationships. Lets see if I can live up to it.
No but seriously I cant claim to have any expertise in these areas of relationships between the sexes so if you see something here and it influence you somehow don't come back looking to blame me or beat me up because you were stupid enough to listen to me. Read the name of the blog before you take me serious. Oh and look just for the record if ya got gay issues ya on ya own cause I aint know nuttin atall atall bout dat so brek fa yaself. Anyway to be honest its just I had a few things I felt like saying and sharing, mainly observations on relationships so I'm not really offering any solutions just talking out loud. Actually I'm more trying to solicit responses and provoke some comments as well hoping that my foolish self will learn a thing or two.
But enough dilly dallying. Today I'm talking about possessiveness.
Now, in some relationships certain parties are very possessive of their partner. It can either be the man or the woman who is possessive but since I'm a man I am going to struggle with it sort of from the man's point of view. Of course the woman's point of view may not be dissimilar but the ladies will have to tell me that.
Anyway I was listening to someone tell me about her possessive boyfriend's actions last week which really embarrassed her and I thought to myself what would possess a man to act in the manner he did. Why do some guys act so crazy over their ladies?
I don't think I really have an answer and the wife said since I am the complete opposite of possessive its unlikely I would ever understand (cheese on bread! Some women ya juss cann please nuh. chupse!) but I still find the behavior to be worth speaking of.
Well lets start by looking at symptoms of the behavior. Stuff like guys wanting to battle other men for just looking at their ladies, stuff like checking their woman's cell phone or not even wanting her to talk to her male workmates or male friends. Issuing directives to their ladies, checking up on their whereabouts at all times. That's just the start because it might then lead to behavior like restricting her movements, she cant go out with friends, cant go certain places etc then possibly onto battery and abuse to keep her "in line" and in the ultimate cases murdering the women due to some misguided thought process where the logic is if I cant have you no-one else can. What possesses men to be so possessive?
(Sitting in chair with lounge jacket while smoking pipe)To me the possessive behavior may stem from jealousy or it might signal one party's need to be dominant over the other party and possibly a certain deep seeded fear that the other party will leave them on a whim. It also could signal some conscious or unconscious lack of trust in the other partner. It could also infer that the possessive partner may have some sort of inferiority complex or it may infer that the possessive partner sees the other person as his/her property. Regardless of you view it, I'm thinking that the relationship just might not really be on stable ground.
Now ignoring the domination trait and the viewing your partner as property issue lets look at the other reasons I discussed. Well I'm no psychiatrist but everything else I mentioned seems to stem from one root which is some sort of fear. One party is afraid that the admirers of the other party given a chance will swoop in and take his/her partner away or is afraid that the object of their possessiveness is being untruthful in the relationship or that given the chance to be unfaithful the other party will act upon it. Now why this happens who can say? Maybe previous relationship experience where this happened or hearing of similar things happen in friend's relationships led to this thought process or maybe its just part of the person's psyche due to their environment or upbringing. I studied the sciences not this sort of stuff so I don't have concrete answers. However if some outfit wants to pay me to conduct a study hey I'm down.
Now I don't have time for the domination and seeing partners as property thing (this blog too long as is) cause we all know that nuff people mostly men got issues with dat but one other fascinating thing is that sometimes the partner actually likes the possessive behavior to some extents. Does it make them feel more wanted, more loved, more needed? Do they do stuff deliberately to inspire the possessive type behavior? In which case I'd ask who is actually the partner trying to exert dominance? Am I the only one finding this interesting? Probably that's a yes but oh well I will still indulge myself by talking out loud.
For example. To make a controversial statement that I guess most Caribbean people have heard and which disturbs me somewhat it is said that some Caribbean women like men who beat them up because it shows that the guy cares for them. (look don't come telling me no stupidness bout I dissing Caribbean people, is dem I grow up wid an know so don't expect me to base what I saying on French or Portuguese. I sure dem might have it too but I only know bout two or three a dem.) Why would this be the case if it is indeed true?
To offer a simple answer (aka cop out) without delving too deeply since I realize one could do a nice PhD on this stuff I guess its just a case where different behaviors in partners appeal to different persons right? We are all unique individuals so no one solution or formula fits everyone's behavior. Some people like to dominate, some are submissive, some can handle possessiveness, for others it would drive them crazy.
So the point of this blog? Well clearly as I wrote I realized I had bitten off more than I could chew and I also realized I really need to be more coherent but the blog wasn't to give answers just sort of put the whole possessive behavior thing out there and maybe provoke some feedback, maybe a few examples, maybe some other blogs hint hint :-). So what do you think about possessiveness? And Men why are you possessive if you are and ladies do you like possessiveness and if so to what degree?