Thursday, June 16, 2005

Head gone

Boy ya know ya tired when ya cant remember if you've previously written about something or not. Actually its probably also a sign that I've been writing too much on this here blog thingy. After all its been a good 10 months now that I've been doing this blog and I've been pretty consistent (computer issues aside) in posting. When I started I never thought I would be able to post as much as I had or that I had that much to say or to write. Who knew! I guess I was creating a monster but a much deeper question I ponder is would I have done things differently if I had known I was going to create a monster. Hmmm.

Oh well, anyway next month the blogs might get a bit sparse due to matters beyond my control but I will still try to see if I can get in one or two posts per week and its just a temporary thing August I should be back to regular posting.

Anyhow the reason I'm saying that my head gone is because I've been recently starting blogs and not finishing or thinking of things to write about on the subway and then not remembering when I get home and things like that. Yes its called senility I know.

Like for instance I keep remembering this security protocol thing I wanted to talk about and I keep saying "boy that would mek a good blog" but I don't remember if I've blogged about it yet or not. The long time readers will have to tell me if I'm repeating myself. Oh well if that is so, I feel to repeat the story still.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com So like I was saying there used to be this old security protocol at one of my former workplaces that involved what procedures to follow if someone phoned in a bomb threat. The procedures said something like this: If someone phones in a bomb threat in your building, remain calm. Ask the person for his/her name , address and contact information and the location of the bomb, what time the bomb is supposed to go off and the reason for placing the bomb.

Well when I first read that I had to say to myself Jdid boy is a well known fact that you mad (crazy) but dem like dey got people out here in Toronto that madder than you.

Ask the person's name and contact information? Ya mekkin mock sport now! Excuse me but y'all must have mistaken me fi eediat! I aint know bout nobody else but from the time anybody call me on a phone and use the word bomb I taking off like I'm in a Road Runner cartoon. All ya will see is the phone hanging in mid air and my dust hovering over my chair! I'm 'Gone!' like dat N'sync song. Gone! I would be outrunning bullets that is how fast I would take off. Asafa's record wouldn't be safe at all.

I aint waiting to hear who the body is that calling in the threat, where he from, where he put the bomb or what he want. I definitely don't want his contact info cause I don't plan on calling him back and I don't envision a scenario where one of my friends was to ask me something like "wait tell muh sumting, you know anybody dat duz mek a good bomb?" and me pulling this info out of my pocket and saying "well ya kno is a funny thing dat you ask me that cause I got a lil contact right hayso and de man good nuh lie, champion bomb maker dat star!". Nope, no nuttin a gwan so!

From the time a fella could be ignorant enough to be planting bombs that means I don't want anything to do with him so its not like I want his info so I can call and strike up no conversation with him. The less I know about him, the happier I feel, so if he want to give somebody his info under no circumstances should it be me. In fact I don't know why he would want to give out his info like he looking for friends because if he was actually looking for friends he really going about it the wrong way with this whole bomb thing. I never read the book on how to win friends and influence people but I'm pretty damn sure than calling a fella to saying you set a bomb in his building aint listed in there.

I can just see the conversation though
Me: "Good afternoon, how may I help you Sir?"
Bomber: " Boss man, listen up, I only tellin ya this once, ya hear! I just planted a bomb in your building, at exactly 3:30pm this weapon will..."
Me: "One moment sir, well that's just great but before you proceed can you give me your name and telephone number so I can confirm your location?"
Bomber: " Confirm my wha?"
Me: " Just your name and telephone number sir, I assure you its standard company procedure."
Bomber: " Wait you is madman or what, I tell you I plant a big bomb in you building an you want to know my name? Looka I in two minds right now to just hurry up an let go this thing now. "
Me: No sir, that's absolutely not necessary. This can all be simply resolved if you just give me your contact info, I assure you the information will be treated with the utmost confidence"

Next thing I hear a big BOOM! and Jdid blown to a million pieces.

So see me, if anyone had called in with a bomb threat, I might stop a few minutes to holla out "bomb bomb, run fa ya life" but I wouldn't be asking no questions I would be too busy leading the running and screaming from the building.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I often wonder what kinda wide circumference iron pipe some of these people in Administration have up dem rear ends when dem mekking up protocols etc.

One that I always laugh at is the section on leave application forms...you suppose to indicate if you applying for Departmental/Vacation leave by ticking in the appropriate box. Fine. Next question....'Reason for Leave'... Backside, if a man applying for Vacation leave is cause him waan get away from the rahtid place and chill for a while. I have always left that space blank...but have thought of writing'...."Mind you own ra$$ business!"

I agree with you Jdid...dem head gone! Dr. D.

Scratchie said...

It's a sign of age JDid.
Some of these stated procedures for things just not realistic. Evacuate building subsequent to securing documents and assets... screw the assets and documents. If the 14 story building collapse or blow up chances are the documents and assets gwine blow up too cuz them flimsy filing cabinets ain't protecting nothing.....

Slow Metamorphosis said...

J...i was over here reading this post and i had to bite my hand to keep from busting out a laugh at work! This is the funniest thing ever.

Big N said...

HAHAHAHAHA

Goldi said...

there is another quip/word for senility, but I don't remember (really).

if you receive a bomb threat don't forget to say, "Please hold..."

Zantiferous3 said...

ROFLMAO!!!! I'm so mad at the visual of the phone still hanging in the air while you run away from your desk. YOu are sooooo crazy. LOL

Lene said...

i would be ghost too. take his contact info? nuts to that... no one is taking me to the promised land before time.

Abeni said...

It sounds as if you did a post on it before but I can't be 100% sure.Maybe age catching up with me too

obifromsouthlondon said...

lol I love the convo. the idea of getting contact details sounds mad. might just convince unabomber he's got the wrong yard though. chupid people what dem wan me number fa?

M.I.A huh? good luck on your runnings

4panist said...

true still about crazy work policies. I gues every place has them got me wondering who makes this stuff up. at least we know it wouldn't be a black man as the last one leaving the building!

Mad Bull said...

Cho, I'd just tell him bout him ra$$ and then I'd flash!

Sunshine said...

LOL Jdid-I hear yu doing a Road Runner exit. I doan blame yu. And-who de ratid going to tell you their name and phone number calling in bomb threat!

Jdid said...

@Dr D - they must think that man love work and wouldnt want vacation
@scratchie - yea documents and assets be damned its every man trying to save his skin
@slow met & big N- ha ha, glad you liked it
@goldi - good one
@xquizzyt1 - yep thats how fast i would be out of there
@star - true thing
@abeni - ya sure cause I search and couldnt find it?
@obi - thanks man
@4panist - nope we would be the first out
@mad bull - ha ha
@sunshine - exactly