Thursday, March 17, 2005

All falls down

Ring a ring a roses
a pocket full a poesies,
atheechoo, atheechoo we all fall down

random nursery rhyme

Yea could have quoted Kanye but had to show my non-rap side just for the fun of it today. Could have sworn I used this song as a post title already though. Oh well, no set rules saying I can't repeat.

Anyway serious ting this.

Previously on Americas Next Top model (ANTM). Ok all caught up? Onto last nights episode.

The following takes place on ANTM Wednesday night between 10 and 11PM (because City TV showed it late here in the T dot) :

Its the judging segment and contestant Rebecca is before the judges.
Random Judge: "I think the picture looks a little slutty."

Camera pans to Rebecca with clueless look on face. Suddenly Rebecca's eyes roll up into the top of her head like "her eyes were watching Oprah" or she was catching a seizure.

Other Random Judge: "I feel that you have to work on your presence....." and Rebecca falls to the floor as the judges voice trails off and the other contestants and the judges stare in shock. Rebecca has fainted. Of course they decided to go to commercial break at that point.

The following is a purely imaginary conversation that I was having during the commercial break:

BRUGGADOWN! (sound of girl hitting the floor)
"Oh shoot Tyra! Tyra! TYRA (while furiously waving right hand like its fallen asleep), haw haaw Tyra looka look (now pointing all panic like) de girl fall. man tyra de girl fall down. TYRA! wha ta do? wha we gine do. (wringing hands in anxiety) Call de ambulance, de paralegals, para-pa-plegics ammm paramedics man, call de paragamedics. Quick nuh!

Oh shoot, Tyra. Wha we gine do? Tyra you walk wid you smelling salts in dat pocket book tonight? No? Wha bout lil Limacol or Alcalada Glacial fa she ta smell?

No? Wha you mean you doan walk wid dem sorta things in your dolche gabbano purse? Wha bout lil Vicks? Ya aint got lil Vicks pun ya dat I cud rub unda she nose? (Tyra reaches into purse still apparently stunned and pulls out lozenges) No not nuh Halls cough drops. Chupse ya cant see dat de girl unconscious wha I gine do wid cough drops? huh, ya want me ta put dem in she mout an choke she? chupse! looka you is a supermodel but sumtimes you like you doan use de sense dat God gi ya atall atall. chupse you aint worth wha paddy shot at!

Tyra! (now shaking a distraught Tyra) wha we gine do, if the girl dead? Tyra you listening ta me doah? I tell you from eva longtime since dat this gine happen sooner or later wid all dese bony girls pun this show dat wun eat nuttin good when de day come. chupse! All dem doin is eating bare greens and drinking water. wha dat cud gi big people sustenance doah? Is you fault cause I tell ya ta keep the fat girl last week an ya wun listen ta me. da fa lik ya! When de police come I pointing them straight ta you."

End imaginary conversation. That was my interpretation of the fainting of one contestant last night on the show. Yes I shouldn't laugh but to be honest I found it pretty hilarious.

So I've already written a bundle a bush (nuff foolishness) already so I'll keep the rest of the recap simple or try to.

This weeks show was basically about walking on the catwalk and there were a few events to gauge the girls walking ability. The girls are rather raw at the walking thing and need some help and in fact Sarah the girl who was eventually eliminated had a terrible walk. When she walked, she looked like she was just hanging out looking lawless, body going in all directions at some point, then very stiff at others, no decent posture, no style, very masculine like. I guess that's why she got eliminated. Thing is she couldn't understand why she was the one to go. Well Sarah maybe its because its America's next top model not America's next top mannequin.

On the other hand the sisters even Glamour Girl Sue (see previous blog for reference) appear to walk rather well although Tiffany had problems when she was coming down the stairs to model the crocus bags (potato sacks) in front of the judges. Yes they did make them model wearing crocus bags lol.

Another good walker is Rebecca the girl who fainted and Naima the girl from Detroit with the hair cut that look like the comb (the little red headpiece) on top of a fowl-cock head. Don't say I being harsh on the girl but everytime I see her hair style I get this uncontrollable urge to nickname her Foghorn Leghorn. "Make it so number 1." So said so done.

This week though I had to say that although sometimes I do go above and beyond the call of duty with my disses (the one about the girl on SI with too many teeth comes rapidly to mind) my disses are nothing compared to some of the judges comments. I'm have to up my dissing game if I wanted to hang with them.

Two comments from the judges this week at the elimination stuck out for me:
(1) Your walk was like a horse grazing in a pasture.
(2) In this picture the dog licking its lips is the best thing. (In relation to photo of girl holding a bunch of canines)

Talk about your harsh comments. Cuhdear! When will the senseless insults stop! Well far be it for me to start now. lol.

Now there are three girls from last nights show that I want to talk about. First, Michelle. Michelle is the 18 year old who looks like 36. I expect an 18 year old to be fresh-faced. Not Michelle, she looks like things rough and she's had a life hard. Just being honest here, she looks a bit aged for an 18 year old. Anyway, she had issues, she was crying, she was flipping from being cool to being totally weird etc but then we found out that she was hiding the fact that she was bi-sexual from the other girls. I'm guessing that had a bit to do with her behavior but at the same time I think they may use it as an lame excuse for her strange behavior. I still think she's got other issues because it was rather weird how she flipped out about being afraid of being trapped in the movable stacks where the shoes were kept.

Then there's Britney. All night long they kept saying Britney is too sexy, her pictures look like porn star Jenna Jameson, she looks triple X, she's looking too porn-ish. Now personally I don't see why they are equating her pictures and walk to porn, not that I am any sort of porn expert mind you, and I don't see where being too sexy is a bad thing for a model. Anyway I think she will probably be eliminated rather soon if the way they continue to characterize her pictures and walk continue.

Finally there is Lluvy, pronounced U.V like in the rays from the sun. The judges keep using this term "unconventional beauty" when discussing her on the show. Now I know, in this day and age, we have this whole politically correct thing going on and certain terms like "UGLY as sin" may not be totally acceptable in certain situations plus we don't want to ruin anyone's self esteem although telling them they walk like a horse in a pasture sure isn't morale boosting. However I want an explanation for this unconventional beauty thing. Is this a polite way of saying she's ugly or maybe that she's just not as beautiful as the other girls, or maybe they're saying if you have a few drinks, stand on one leg and squint your right eye in fading light with your head cocked at a precise 35 degree angle she could possibly pass for beautiful. Well if that's the case why not just say that? And no I'm not dissing Lluvy here, just discussing the terms used because I think unconventional beauty is unclear.

As to my thoughts on Lluvy in all honesty I actually think she's 'not bad looking'. That's my own code for "unconventional beauty" lol. No seriously she's good her own special way. Sorry I couldn't help it. I'm just joking. Ok I've gone on long enough. LOL


kashata said...

Already running out of songtitles jdid?,ok guess kids all over the world have the same games and songs,we used to sing this one too but to this day,i'm not quite sure what it's about esp.the "atchoo atchoo"part.
I saw that chick from ANTM fall down,pure entertainment,Tyra definetely delivers,i must say though this is the weirdest looking bunch soo far none of them are stunning/stand out.

Jdid said...

FINALLY A COMMENT! thank you, thank you very much. I was feeling lonely, thought I had crossed a line and the community was ostracising me but then along cam katasha :-)

well I havent watched ANTM before but this set of girls are pretty average in my opinion. jokes do abound though so I will be watching more.

Melody said...

Jdid, yu mek Tyra sound ruff inna de faintin' segment (lol). Naima is cute, an' I'm surprised you're not reportin' that "Gi Dem A Run" got sent home this week--who knows why she's still there!! De shapely girl shouldn't have been sent home last week--her pic on de ANTM website looks good. (BTW, in JA, when we sing de ring o' rosey song, we sing "aasham aasham, they all fall down!":)

Lene said...

lluvy looks like an SUV as Janice Dickerson put it. Yuck... her face looks like a plate of shambles. I like Tiffany and Naima. None of the girls this season are breakout pretty, I dont have a particular preference for anyone except those two. But Lluvy shouldn't be in the competition...

Scratchie said...

Bwoy, JDid, Blogger again. Wouldn't allow comments yesterday until down in the afternoon. I don't need to see the programmes to get a good idea of what is going on :) Besides I prefer your reviews...more entertaining.

Sunshine said...

Ji Jdid-Once again blogger wouldnt' let me post on some bloggs yesteray including yours. Saw a little of the show, but not really into that one. Anyway, you enjoy it though. Have a great day.

Anonymous said...

Oh shoot, Tyra. Wha we gine do? Tyra you walk wid you smelling salts in dat pocket book tonight? No? Wha bout lil Limacol or Alcalada Glacial fa she ta smell?

pure jokes! i haven't been watching it - but this recount, is hilarious!

Anonymous said...

So I fell asleep early on Wed but managed to catch a repeat tonight (Fri) and yeah, I could see myself watching again next week. Also, weighing in on the question you posed way back when re: Tyra, real or fake...on first viewing I'm gonna have to go with: Fake.

Bajan Sis

The Marlo Girl said...

Brugga. Down.

only in bim, folks. only in bim.

i have to admit i was howling over your dream sequence. ex-specially when yuh did mention alcalada. wuhloss!

and to note, i was actually the first to attempt a comment onyour blog, but the antiquated macintosh i was using at work doesn't like blogger and frequently crashes whenever i post a comment. testament to the fact that i shouldn't be blogging at work anyway, but ah... shucks. who gives a flying fish what i do these days...

Jdid said...

@Melody - I could have done tyra worse but she wasnt there for alot of the show.
@starfoxx - yep lluvy just aint mekkin it
@scratchie - thanks
@sunshine - thanks have a great day as well
@purfiktgurl - thanks,
@bajansis - you have to watch this show, its jokes trust me
@marlogirl - bruggadown lol. i had to throw that one in just fa so. glad you liked it.