Go see the Doctor

These truths I hold to be self evident:

(1) If you stand up in front of the judges and suddenly faint then you cannot be America's next top model (ANTM)
(2) If the stress of competition causes your face to break out uncontrollably then you also cannot be America's next top model.

I lie?

Alright then. For last week's reports check here.

This week's show was all about makeup and how to apply it properly. The big joke was they asked the girls what haute couture meant and none of these model candidates knew. And they for real?

Then we had Noelle complaining over and over about how hard life is for her and how much she misses her child because she's had to sacrifice so much at her young age of 20 for her child. Well my dear I'm sorry was I supposed to feel pity for you? Isn't that what mother/parenthood is about? Plus well I aint tell you to go and have a child as a teenager now did I? Ok then so keep quiet and deal with the show instead of doing this little looking for sympathy act.

Anyway the main focus of the show was Michelle. Michelle is the girl who is supposedly 18 but looks more like she's going on 40. She is the one who doesn't really mix with the other girls as well and was acting rather strange a few shows ago. They blamed her behavior then on her being bisexual. Whatever! Clearly Michelle has issues of inadequacy and is overwhelmed by the occasion and being around the other girls. Dr . Jdid says to Michelle stand up straight and be more assertive and don't worry about the other girls.

So last night Michelle's face was breaking out with a bunch of red splotches. That's all I have to say about that. I'm not going to ridicule her because she's breaking out cause it aint her fault. So she was freaking out and at first the other girls were being rather sympathetic since the splotches had Michelle crying and just being generally sad and worried. Even Tyra saw the splotches and was like lawd ave mercy.

Then Noelle call home and told her mom about the splotches. Now who tell she do that! All a sudden the mother started telling her about how she watched the news and that is definitely the flesh eating disease that going around and how the girl face peeling off and she might be contagious and she gine dead. Oh shoot den!

So while Michelle sleeping, Noelle went and tell the rest of the girls. wuhloss! Ya should see everybody in a panic. People scratching off their skin, walking around looking all jittery like they thought that prior contact with the girl would lead to a limb or two just spontaneously falling off. I'm too pretty to die of flesh eating disease! Pure paranoia! Everyone started calling home to ask about this flesh eating disease and their families are telling them all sorts of things about how dangerous this disease is. Ignorance is bliss isn't it.

Of course the one voice of reason was Tiffany's grandmother who was like man wunnah girls got way too much time on y'all hands, go and read a book, the girl aint have no flesh eating disease.

Of course you couldn't convince LLuvy aka the girl who Tyra said had the worse photos in ANTM history. She had shared a makeup kit with Michelle earlier so she was going into all sorts of convulsions, shaking like she catching the spirit or a fit or something so. Scratching like she has fleas and rubbing her skin, bobbing her head and making all sort of strange faces and her face already strange so it wasn't that pleasant looking.

Anyway they went for a photo shoot which involved kids and since Michelle has a flesh eating disease they don't want her near the kids. So the guys running the shoot looked at Michelle's face and say boy it look like she got leprosy, it all over her face and the top of her head bleeding. cuhdear. Where is Dr D when ya need him, nuh?

So they decided to take her out of the photo shoot and send her to a dermatologist. Boy it must be nice to be on tv where you can just decide to go see a specialist and just walk through the door and he's waiting to treat you. wow! Everybody else duz have to make appointment from three weeks back and then go in a crowded waiting room and sit down for three hours before the doctor calls you in.

Well anyway the doctor took a look at Michelle and said she had some bacterial thing called inpatycho (don't ask me how to spell it properly) and that with pills it would go away in a few weeks but it could be spread via close contact with anyone.

Well that's a relief. No flesh eating disease! Tyra and the girls must be relieved. So Michelle goes back to the shoot and they decide to be on the safe side and make her do her shoot with a mannequin which doesn't sit well with a few of the other girls who were complaining about the real children they had to pose up. Oh well!

Anyway we get to judging time again. Tyra look descent this time but Janice Dickerson trying to garner some attention by wearing she revealing lingerie to the judging. Sorry Janice it naa work, ya still look old and haggard.

The final two come down to Lluvy again and Noelle. How does Lluvy manage to stay in this show so long is my question? She's not pretty, she already has the worst picture in ANTM history, we all know she's going to get bumped at some point or the other but she keeps on bumping off much prettier girls. This time she knocks off Noelle. Oh well a so it go.

Attica Attica!

Not exactly but a prison riot nevertheless.

Glendairy Prison, the only prison in Barbados had a major fire yesterday. Three buildings were burnt down as a rebellion started amongst the prisoners. The cause of the rebellion. Apparently a homosexual prisoner attempted to assault another prisoner and this led to a big fracas as friends of the victim attacked the assaulter. (Insert stereotypical joke about bajan men here).

Giving the update on the situation at the 150-year-old prison during a nationally televised press conference at Government Headquarters last night, Deputy Prime Minister and Attorney General Mia Mottley said while seven prisoners and six prison warders had been injured, with one of those inmates shot in the arm during yesterdays incident, there was no loss of life.

She revealed too, that the reason for the upheaval may have started from yesterday with an incident where one male inmate tried to sexually assault other male inmates.

According to Mottley, the affected inmates complained, they were not happy with the response to their complaint, and the situation reached the point where yesterday's incident occurred.

And another article relating the prisoners position said

“Dis was ’bout dealing with de [homosexuals] in hey
because de people in charge ain’t doing nothing ’bout
dem.”

Another prisoner who joined the conversation said:
“People feel dem got a lot of [homosexuals] in here
but dat ain’t true. A few people in hey walking ’bout
feeling dem could [have sex] wid anybody dem want.

“A man try to defend heself from somebody dat want to
[have sex] wid he and get stab and den the prison
warder come and rough up de li’l man. Dah can’ be
right. We does move wid de li’l man so we went fuh he.
We lick he wid sticks and rocks, man every . . . we
could get we hand ’pon. We din’ troubling no officers,
but [name of officer] fire a shot from in de room dat
does have in de guns and everybody run.”

Maybe they'll find a way to blame this on dancehall music.

There are also reports that while being detained in the farm area of the prison after the fire broke out inmates had themselves a little feast killing chickens, picking coconuts and roasting breadfruit while waiting to be carried to alternate detention facilities. Imagine that!

Anyway sounds like everything is under control now. 14 persons taken to hospital, no fatalities and apparently no escapees.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I watched two movies this weekend; Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind starring Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet and Paycheck starring Ben Affleck and Uma Thurman. Now while on first glance these movies have nothing in common one being sort of a relationship comedy and the other being science fiction there was one common theme that ran through both.

That theme was the voluntary erasure of your memory. In Paycheck, Affleck's character works for months at a time on projects and then has his memory of that specific period erased afterwards so that he has no memory of what he did. In Eternal Sunshine both Carrey and Winslet's characters erased memory of each other because they were unhappy with their relationship.

Now mind you even though I could poke major holes in both stories I'm actually just focusing in on the whole concept of memory erasure.

What if it was actually possible to erase certain experiences and memories from our brain like they did in these movies? Just got out of a bad relationship? Go to the doctor and wipe that whole period from your memory. Whoosh! Did something really dumb that you wish you hadn't. Get strapped into a machine, one press of a button and whoosh! Met someone you wish you hadn't and want to erase that memory? Put some new age contraption on your head and whoosh!

Pretty cool right? I can think of plenty things I wouldn't mind erasing and definitely a couple of people I wouldn't mind forgetting as I'm sure all of you can. Actually I'd probably erase years at a time. lol. However while it might actually make it easier to cope with life it most likely wouldn't really help you in the long run.

We are partially the sum of our memories and experiences. While it would be really cool to only remember the good times, you do need to remember those bad times as well because as the quote goes those who don't know their history are doomed to repeat it. So you make a mistake, erase it from memory but then somewhere down the line you make the same mistake again. Definitely not cool at all.

Still I'm sure if you're like me there are plenty of times where like that R Kelly song says you wish you could "turn back the hands of time" or at least forget one or two items from our past. It might appear to make life simpler and easier but would it actually be doing that? How different would the persons we are actually be if it was possible to do something like that?

Just something to think about.

Happy easter

To everyone out there. Hope you spend a moment to actually think about the real meaning of this holiday.

On another note; I'm sick of this blog template. Any suggestions on a new one?

Good Friday

21 And they compel one Simon a Cyrenian, who passed by, coming out of the country, the father of Alexander and Rufus, to bear his cross.

22 And they bring him unto the place Golgotha, which is, being interpreted, The place of a skull.

23 And they gave him to drink wine mingled with myrrh: but he received it not.

24 And when they had crucified him, they parted his garments, casting lots upon them, what every man should take.

25 And it was the third hour, and they crucified him.

26 And the superscription of his accusation was written over, THE KING OF THE JEWS.

27 And with him they crucify two thieves; the one on his right hand, and the other on his left.

28 And the scripture was fulfilled, which saith, And he was numbered with the transgressors.

29 And they that passed by railed on him, wagging their heads, and saying, Ah, thou that destroyest the temple, and buildest it in three days,

30 Save thyself, and come down from the cross.

31 Likewise also the chief priests mocking said among themselves with the scribes, He saved others; himself he cannot save.

32 Let Christ the King of Israel descend now from the cross, that we may see and believe. And they that were crucified with him reviled him.

33 And when the sixth hour was come, there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour.

34 And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? which is, being interpreted, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?

35 And some of them that stood by, when they heard it, said, Behold, he calleth Elias.

36 And one ran and filled a spunge full of vinegar, and put it on a reed, and gave him to drink, saying, Let alone; let us see whether Elias will come to take him down.

37 And Jesus cried with a loud voice, and gave up the ghost.

38 And the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom.

39 And when the centurion, which stood over against him, saw that he so cried out, and gave up the ghost, he said, Truly this man was the Son of God.

Mark 15 verses 21-39

More drama than what?

A prime time NBC TV show.
Le Fleur Le Flah Eskoska - OGC/Helter Skelter


First of all apologies because I am really tired this morning. Didn't get home till after midnight then watched ANTM on tape and now trying to rush back to work. Thank God its a short week.

Previously on America's Next Top Model (ANTM) . Click here and here.

Now I'm not even going to try to be objective here. Brandi aka Glamour Girl Sue get unfair this week. It was a conspiracy. Ask Brother Malcolm if you don't believe me she was hoodwinked, she was bamboozled, she was led astray, she ran amok and in the end she was eliminated while Lluvy the "unconventional beauty" remained.

The show started with the girls lining up to use the phone to call home to their loved ones. Somehow Brandi had been waiting to use the phone and a whole group formed around the phone and she got bumped to the back of the line and she wasn't having it so Brandi got a little upset. Now I always hear my mudda say when a dog duz suck eggs anytime eggs missing he will get blamed and such is the case with Brandi. Its already been established that she has an attitude problem which may just be a case of her just standing up for herself more than others would like and so anytime she says anything the other girls are ready to go with that whole cliched attitude problem and say oh Brandi's just acting up.

So Brandi got a little upset over the phone issue. Luckily Tiffany was there to calm her down. Tiffany decided she was going to play the role of big sis to Brandi because apparently she "used to" wild out and understands that behavior. Apparently Tiffany is now a changed woman. NOT!

Fast forward past the silly Ballerina exercise to the girls night out for Dinner. In quick form Tiffany lik back 4 glasses of white wine like it was a 40 of shiltz malt liquor. Next thing I know Tif giving us a whole bunch of drunken rumshop talk. "Man I love all y'all and you girls had a profound effect on my life blah blah blah" Two seconds later Tiffany's head is below the table and she's puking up her guts. cuhdear! What a shame. Memo to ANTM producers: next season screen for alcoholism.

Then we see a tender moment where Tif's explaining she has issues with leaving home and leaving her child with her baby father etc. Guess that was this weeks' excuse for strange behavior.

After this they got to chat with Beverly Johnson who was the first black woman on the cover of Vogue back in 1973 apparently. It was funny because when they first met all of the black contestant faces immediately lighted up while some of the other girls clearly looked like huh who is she?

Onto the main drama. This week's test was a shoot on a tennis court where the photographer was being deliberately nasty to the girls. It was a test to see how they did under pressure. The guy was deliberately rude, condescending and annoying to the girls making nothing they did appear to be correct. Some girls cried, some were ready to kick his ass and some just managed pained expressions on their faces. None of the girls however beat the crap out of him although I know Tiffany and all of her 70lbs was ready to give him a beatdown. Memo to photog: don't mess with the alcoholic girl.

Speaking of 70 pound Tiffany. It was only this week while outfitted in their tennis outfits that I realized how skinny Tiffany was. Seriously no wonder she couldn't handle her liquor well. I don't really want to go off on her and how "poor raky" (another bajan word fa y'all) she look but honestly she's a bit too much skin and bones for a girl who lists Popeyes hot wings as her favorite food on the show's website.

Anyway after the girls each had their horrible experience with the tennis shoot, they were in a room chatting about how bad things were when one model Tatiana said something catty to Brandi. Now who tell she say dat! Brandi was already upset by the photo shoot and her belief that the judges would blame her attitude for her having a bad shoot when Tatiana goes off saying something smart. Brandi definitely wasn't having it. She called Tatiana on it and was ready to beat her down and to be honest I cant say I blame her. So Brandi went off on her and the other girls were all acting like why are you acting like this. Why all the attitude? Why cant you be docile like us?

Now I feel I would be remiss if I didn't say something here. I know most of my readers have noticed but I feel the need to reiterate that this racist b.s on TV where black women are always being portrayed as having attitude problems and ready to fly off the handle is out of control. There are cases where these sisters are being deliberately put in positions where they are forced to defend themselves and then we get to view a skewed picture of the situation to make it look like they are crazy or overly aggressive.

Either they deliberately look for fragile individuals like Tiffany or Brandi to perpetrate this myth of the hostile angry black woman or/and they go out of their way to put black females in situations where they will fight back and be aggressive. There are aggressive black women, there are overly aggressive black women and then there are not aggressive black women. Just like all other races of women, black women run a range of attitudes. We have docile black women too ya know but you wouldn't believe that if you watched TV these days.

Why is it that every black woman who speaks up for herself on these shows suddenly gets a rep as hostile etc? I'm not standing up for Brandi here 100% because she did go off unnecessarily (from the viewpoint of what was televised) two shows ago and she does appear to have issues. But its just frustrating no make that annoying as hell seeing this play out on TV with black women in almost every reality show as it reinforces stereotypes just like the black man as criminal/drug dealer/hustler/misogynist/illiterate/pimp playa that TV seems to perpetrate on the daily.

Plus just imagine the effect this crap is having on black kids growing up. Just something to think about amongst yourselves.

Ok down from soapbox and back to the show. There was a brief interlude where three girls got to meet Serena Williams who talked about her backtofront company AnereS and watched the girls do their model walk.

The final event was a photo shoot where the girls were dressed as zodiac signs and were suspended in the air. To be honest it was a bit cheesy but the main highlight was Tatiana involved in a whole discussion about Brandi threatening her and basically dissing Brandi again. This time Tiffany stood up for Brandi. Black women of the world unite! She said that the other girls were egging on Brandi with their behavior and that it was unfair for them to be trying to get under her skin. See I tell wunnah is a conspiracy. Anyway Brandi caught the tail end of the conversation and was straight ready to whoop Tatiana's ass and I was seriously hoping that she would beat her down but Tiffany restrained her.

We get to the finale and Tyra does her little talk, while wearing a rather revealing top showing off nuff cleavage. Real or Fake get your votes in now. Looks like Tyra the Tyrant trying to steal the show from the young gal dem.

It comes down to one more picture and the final two contestants are Brandi and Lluvy. Now get this. Tyra and the others absolutely hated Lluvy's photos. Clearly she will not be top model because she is as I said last week "beautiful in her own way". While looking at LLuvy's photos the judges said she looked like a dead fish and Tyra went as far as saying she took the worst pictures in ANTM history. They also said that Brandi has a great face and loads of potential.

So how can the dead fish beat out Brandi? I guess it all came down to the attitude problem.

Two Words

Or in this case more like three (title reference is Kanye's Two words off the College Dropout album)

wasn't going to blog today or until Thursday this week (because Thursday I have to give you the ANTM recap and I must say that's sort of fun if I'm inspired) but I realized I still had a few things to chat about and I'll try to keep it short(er).

Today I wanted to talk about Bajan as a dialect or language or patois or whatever you wish to call it. Now I am no linguist or expect but growing up speaking this dialect and being immersed in the culture of Barbados I find that some of the words are kind of fun and plus I am just blogging whatever comes to my head so here goes.

Wont (will try not to anyway) go into alot of detail but I want to examine three words ...in a minute.

But first.... You may or may not notice it in my writing but showing emphasis in bajan is kind of cool. For instance, in regular English you would use the word "really" as an adverb to emphasize an adjective describing someone. As in "he runs really fast" or "he is a really bad man". In bajan this concept is achieved by repetition not only of the adjective but sometimes by shortening the adverb really to its adjective form and then repeating it and or joining it with the other adjective. Am I making any sense? As an example instead of "he is a really bad man" where you have an adverb adjective together (really and bad for you people that don't know grammar) we would say "he real real bad" the real real being the adverb showing how bad the person is or we would say "quick quick so he did gone" as opposed to "quickly he was gone". Or an ever popular comment in my household; "boy dat fella Jdid real real real ignorant". See three reals for extra emphasis which really means that when common sense was sharing out I was sleeping.

Also we might say "I hayso starving and this wuman cooking de food slow slow slow" which is actually even slower than "real slow" or "When the police get cross hayso dem three fellas tek off fast fast fast". In these cases we are repeating the adjective for emphasis. You understand? Anyway that was rather rudimentary but I just thought that it might get you guys to see that when you see me use terms like fast fast or slow slow, or quick quick or real real it actually wasn't a typo on my part but just me using some bajan in the blog. Too bad I cant emulate the accent for you guys. Actually maybe that's a good thing.

Anyway onto the meat of today's blog. Three of my favorite bajan words explained. Although I don't use them often and cant even think of anytime I've used them in this blog yet they are words that just remind me of home the bajan dialect.

(1) Ruff dry. Ruff dry is the equivalent of unkept or wrinkled as in if you haven't ironed your clothing and you are wearing it looking rather wrinkled then I might say 'but wait Bob muh brudda, you look very ruff dry today, wha happen you iron brek'.Interpretation: "Bob, my number one main man, your clothing is looking rather wrinkled today, did you forget to iron them?" Now along with ruff dry there is sort of an equivalent word or more so a similar but not exact term that goes hand in hand with it which is "rumfle up". I guess its sort of a bastardization of crumpled and wrinkled which gave rise to wrumpled but the w is silent and the p becomes an f and bajans pronounce it rumfle. For example "Man dem lockers at de gym duz be real real small and my clothes duz get rumfle up and got me looking real ruff-dry....den!". Now as you can see rumfle is used to apply to clothing while ruff dry applies to persons although ruff dry can also be used on objects but rumfle isn't usually applied to persons. I also threw in a few reals to build on the prior paragraphs.

(2) Obzocky pronounced ob-zock-ee. Now before we go into this definition I'm not sure I can claim this for bajans alone because I'm sure I've heard Trinis use the word at times. Anyway Obzocky is sort of difficult for me to explain (if someone can help me out I'll be much obliged). Simplest explanation is it means when something is put together wrong or incorrectly. Something may be in the wrong place or looks out of place or fits in rather awkwardly or just doesn't sit correctly. It is a term usually used to refer to both objects and people where something just doesn't fit in right. For instance I went to University with this one girl who for some reason looked Obzocky. I aint going to lie I used to call her obzocky girl behind her back (and no it aint nun a wunnah dat went university with me that reading this and I aint tellin wunnah who it is) cause she wasn't my friend and she didn't have the greatest of attitudes either. Yes I'm trying to justify why I called her obzocky girl lol. Anyway I couldn't put my finger on what was wrong with her, maybe one shoulder was higher than the other, maybe it was something to do with her height, maybe it was her walk. I'm not sure what exactly was wrong with her but I was certain that something was wrong. That was clear from even a causal glance. And since I was uncertain what exactly was wrong and even if I knew what was wrong my brain was unable to describe it in proper English that the bajan adjective obzocky came to my rescue and so she was obzocky girl. Oh one note of caution before anyone uses the adjective obzocky is that it usually preceded by the verb look or no verb at all. For instance, "she look obzocky" or "she real obzocky".

(3) Third word is Backtafront. Backtafront or backtofront means just that, backwards, opposite,turned around or wrong. Turned inside out so to speak. First is last, up is down, right is wrong, left is right. You get the drift. As in "looka how you put on the chile clothes backtafront" meaning the clothing was put on with the back to the front and vice versa. Fairly explanatory isn't it. Now let me show you mistaken cultural context. Many years ago when I first discovered the Jamaican Gleaner site I went there one day reading some new stories when I noticed a link on the side under the usual section headings; lead stories, sports, business etc that said "Backtofront page". Now in hindsight I should have been smarter but hindsight is 20-20 and I guess I was in full bajan mode. All I saw were the words Back-to-front written rather closely together so it appeared as almost one word Backtofront which I knew as a Bajan word and interpreted as a bajan, mind you one without too much common sense, would. I also figured well this is a Caribbean site. These are my bredren, the same Caribbean people as me so maybe this is a word we have in common. Now mind you I never once stopped to think well why would anyone want a backwards, opposite, turned around, upside down, backtofront page on their website but well like I said hindsight is 20-20. So I am sitting there clicking and clicking this backtofront link expectantly, waiting to see the page do some sort of strange things to appear backtofront. I'm expecting the page to invert itself, stand up and do tricks, switch with the top at the bottom or the bottom at the top, reverse the writing so the left in the right hand corner or the letters upside down. Anything or everything strange I'm looking for and the more I click the more I convinced that this backtofront link thing just aint working at all. I'm peering at the computer, moving my eyes closer and closer to the screen thinking that I must somehow be missing this dramatic transformation that has changed or will change the page to make it backtofront.......Five minutes later it dawned on me. Oh they meant backtofront as in go back to the front page. Duhhh!

Now you see why the phrase "boy dat fella Jdid real real real ignorant" is so popular in my house right?. sigh!

Solid as a rock

Poor Sizzla. He'll have to let them know that "they cant keep a good man down, Always keep a smile when they want me to frown,keep the vibes and they stood my grounds, They will never ever take my crown "

Cause I'm so solid as a rock
They just can't stop me now
Even when they set their traps
They just can't stop me now
People will say this and that
They just can't stop me now
Even when they set up road blocks
They just can't stop me now


Or maybe they can stop him. Read here

Objection! - Sunday 20, March-2005

Commissioner of Police Darwin Dottin.

The promoters of a show featuring Jamaican dancehall star Sizzla, scheduled for the National Stadium this weekend, have raised strong objections to any attempts which might be made by police to bar the artiste from performing in Barbados.

Expressing dismay at statements made by Commissioner of Police Darwin Dottin after Sizzla was held and questioned by Jamaica police last week about the discovery of a large cache of illegal firearms, Thompson and Associates, attorneys acting for the promoters, said the approach of the commissioner “was without precedent and, if they represent a new policy for the force, set a dangerous trend”.

Dottin said on Friday the force would object to Sizzla performing at the National Stadium after Jamaica police questioned him about the discovery of six AK47 rifles, three sniper rifles, one M16 assault rifle, two shotguns and one Tech Nine submachine gun, two bullet proof vests and an assortment of ammunition.

However, last night the attorneys said the promoters of the show were law-abiding citizens who would co-operate with the police, but stressed the “statements of Commissioner Dottin must be condemned in any right thinking society”.

The attorneys said their clients objected to the statements of the commissioner on a number of grounds, the first of which “is that it is highly unusual and even prejudicial for a public official to indicate publicly what his advice would be in relation to an application which might come before him”.

They said this went against the Administrative Justice Act which requires impartiality and fairness by public officials.

The attorneys said the commissioner, who is also an attorney-at-law, must realize that a man is innocent until proven guilty.

“To say that someone is a threat to national security and inimical to good order when, up to the time of the report, he was only being questioned, sets a dangerous precedent and is clearly not a correct, or even reasonable interpretation of the law,” the statement said.

Thompson and Associates also questioned Dottin’s statement that the police were not bound to participate in the event.

“The commissioner is sworn to uphold the law and use his force to do so. To say that the police ‘don’t have to participate,’ particularly where that is a condition of the use of a facility, is simply unjust,” the attorneys said.

Sizzla, whose real name is Miguel Collins, remained in police custody up to yesterday but had not been charged, while three other men were facing charges in connection with the seizure of the weapons.

On another note has everyone seen this Jewish rapper/dancehall artist yet? Sorry I'm not really that big a fan. Must be the faux Jamaican accent and ..... hmm let me stop here.

Respect the Architect

I'm a bit late with this one but figured it was worthwhile to post on. (Title refers to Guru and Bahamadiah off the Jazzmatazz Vol 2 album)

Singer Lyn Collins passed away last weekend. Collins who first played with James Brown was the voice sampled by Rob Base and EZ Rock for their 80s hit hip hop song "It takes Two" which everyone and their mama has probably heard. "

"It takes two to make a thing go right, it takes two to make it outta sight."

That sample came from Collins' 1972 hit single Think (about it) which was also sampled by many other hip hop artists over the years. Think was also remade in 1993 by the "Queen of the Pack" Patra herself featuring Lyn on guest vocals.

Other Collins songs were also sampled in hip hop including 'Put it on the line' which was sampled by LL for the hit "I shot ya" (which if I'm not incorrect introduced us to the Ill Nana herself, not that that's actually anything to shout about).

Coming from an era where singers actually had to be able to sing, Collins was nicknamed "the Funky Preacher" for her powerful voice. She was never one of the big name superstars of her era but she was a talented singer who left a legacy to hip hop. So respect the architect.

Collins died at the age of 56. R.I.P

All falls down

Ring a ring a roses
a pocket full a poesies,
atheechoo, atheechoo we all fall down

random nursery rhyme

Yea could have quoted Kanye but had to show my non-rap side just for the fun of it today. Could have sworn I used this song as a post title already though. Oh well, no set rules saying I can't repeat.

Anyway serious ting this.

Previously on Americas Next Top model (ANTM). Ok all caught up? Onto last nights episode.

The following takes place on ANTM Wednesday night between 10 and 11PM (because City TV showed it late here in the T dot) :

Its the judging segment and contestant Rebecca is before the judges.
Random Judge: "I think the picture looks a little slutty."

Camera pans to Rebecca with clueless look on face. Suddenly Rebecca's eyes roll up into the top of her head like "her eyes were watching Oprah" or she was catching a seizure.

Other Random Judge: "I feel that you have to work on your presence....." and Rebecca falls to the floor as the judges voice trails off and the other contestants and the judges stare in shock. Rebecca has fainted. Of course they decided to go to commercial break at that point.

The following is a purely imaginary conversation that I was having during the commercial break:

BRUGGADOWN! (sound of girl hitting the floor)
"Oh shoot Tyra! Tyra! TYRA (while furiously waving right hand like its fallen asleep), haw haaw Tyra looka look (now pointing all panic like) de girl fall. man tyra de girl fall down. TYRA! wha ta do? wha we gine do. (wringing hands in anxiety) Call de ambulance, de paralegals, para-pa-plegics ammm paramedics man, call de paragamedics. Quick nuh!

Oh shoot, Tyra. Wha we gine do? Tyra you walk wid you smelling salts in dat pocket book tonight? No? Wha bout lil Limacol or Alcalada Glacial fa she ta smell?

No? Wha you mean you doan walk wid dem sorta things in your dolche gabbano purse? Wha bout lil Vicks? Ya aint got lil Vicks pun ya dat I cud rub unda she nose? (Tyra reaches into purse still apparently stunned and pulls out lozenges) No not nuh Halls cough drops. Chupse ya cant see dat de girl unconscious wha I gine do wid cough drops? huh, ya want me ta put dem in she mout an choke she? chupse! looka you is a supermodel but sumtimes you like you doan use de sense dat God gi ya atall atall. chupse you aint worth wha paddy shot at!

Tyra! (now shaking a distraught Tyra) wha we gine do, if the girl dead? Tyra you listening ta me doah? I tell you from eva longtime since dat this gine happen sooner or later wid all dese bony girls pun this show dat wun eat nuttin good when de day come. chupse! All dem doin is eating bare greens and drinking water. wha dat cud gi big people sustenance doah? Is you fault cause I tell ya ta keep the fat girl last week an ya wun listen ta me. da fa lik ya! When de police come I pointing them straight ta you."

End imaginary conversation. That was my interpretation of the fainting of one contestant last night on the show. Yes I shouldn't laugh but to be honest I found it pretty hilarious.

So I've already written a bundle a bush (nuff foolishness) already so I'll keep the rest of the recap simple or try to.

This weeks show was basically about walking on the catwalk and there were a few events to gauge the girls walking ability. The girls are rather raw at the walking thing and need some help and in fact Sarah the girl who was eventually eliminated had a terrible walk. When she walked, she looked like she was just hanging out looking lawless, body going in all directions at some point, then very stiff at others, no decent posture, no style, very masculine like. I guess that's why she got eliminated. Thing is she couldn't understand why she was the one to go. Well Sarah maybe its because its America's next top model not America's next top mannequin.

On the other hand the sisters even Glamour Girl Sue (see previous blog for reference) appear to walk rather well although Tiffany had problems when she was coming down the stairs to model the crocus bags (potato sacks) in front of the judges. Yes they did make them model wearing crocus bags lol.

Another good walker is Rebecca the girl who fainted and Naima the girl from Detroit with the hair cut that look like the comb (the little red headpiece) on top of a fowl-cock head. Don't say I being harsh on the girl but everytime I see her hair style I get this uncontrollable urge to nickname her Foghorn Leghorn. "Make it so number 1." So said so done.

This week though I had to say that although sometimes I do go above and beyond the call of duty with my disses (the one about the girl on SI with too many teeth comes rapidly to mind) my disses are nothing compared to some of the judges comments. I'm have to up my dissing game if I wanted to hang with them.

Two comments from the judges this week at the elimination stuck out for me:
(1) Your walk was like a horse grazing in a pasture.
(2) In this picture the dog licking its lips is the best thing. (In relation to photo of girl holding a bunch of canines)

Talk about your harsh comments. Cuhdear! When will the senseless insults stop! Well far be it for me to start now. lol.

Now there are three girls from last nights show that I want to talk about. First, Michelle. Michelle is the 18 year old who looks like 36. I expect an 18 year old to be fresh-faced. Not Michelle, she looks like things rough and she's had a life hard. Just being honest here, she looks a bit aged for an 18 year old. Anyway, she had issues, she was crying, she was flipping from being cool to being totally weird etc but then we found out that she was hiding the fact that she was bi-sexual from the other girls. I'm guessing that had a bit to do with her behavior but at the same time I think they may use it as an lame excuse for her strange behavior. I still think she's got other issues because it was rather weird how she flipped out about being afraid of being trapped in the movable stacks where the shoes were kept.

Then there's Britney. All night long they kept saying Britney is too sexy, her pictures look like porn star Jenna Jameson, she looks triple X, she's looking too porn-ish. Now personally I don't see why they are equating her pictures and walk to porn, not that I am any sort of porn expert mind you, and I don't see where being too sexy is a bad thing for a model. Anyway I think she will probably be eliminated rather soon if the way they continue to characterize her pictures and walk continue.

Finally there is Lluvy, pronounced U.V like in the rays from the sun. The judges keep using this term "unconventional beauty" when discussing her on the show. Now I know, in this day and age, we have this whole politically correct thing going on and certain terms like "UGLY as sin" may not be totally acceptable in certain situations plus we don't want to ruin anyone's self esteem although telling them they walk like a horse in a pasture sure isn't morale boosting. However I want an explanation for this unconventional beauty thing. Is this a polite way of saying she's ugly or maybe that she's just not as beautiful as the other girls, or maybe they're saying if you have a few drinks, stand on one leg and squint your right eye in fading light with your head cocked at a precise 35 degree angle she could possibly pass for beautiful. Well if that's the case why not just say that? And no I'm not dissing Lluvy here, just discussing the terms used because I think unconventional beauty is unclear.

As to my thoughts on Lluvy in all honesty I actually think she's 'not bad looking'. That's my own code for "unconventional beauty" lol. No seriously she's good looking.....in her own special way. Sorry I couldn't help it. I'm just joking. Ok I've gone on long enough. LOL

What's it all about?

Song title from Run DMC's Back From Hell album circa 1990. It was an ok album but definitely not in the league of Tougher than Leather and Raising Hell. Probably their last solid album although a weak case might be made for Down with the King. I'd have to argue though that Down with the King while containing a few nice tracks sort of saw Run complete the path to the dark side, from leaders to followers with tracks like "ooh what you're going to do" featuring lyrics like "Never let a punk get away with murder, Gun shots, gun shots, all you heard-a, What's up? What's up? What's the word up?" definitely not their finest moment.

Anyway what is it all about? I wasn't going to blog today. I took a few days off and I'm home chillin' out, maxin', relaxin', all cool and shootin' some b-ball outside of the school. Oh wait that's not me, lol.

Ok I'm home chilling, doing some more stuff around the house, getting some sleep, running errands, watching some movies, just letting the mind have some off time. Sometimes like Brand Nubian said you just have to 'Slow Down'.(Used to walk with a swagger, Now you simply stagger, From one spot on to the next spot on to the next spot on to the next). Sorry random lyric nothing to do with blog.

Tomorrow is the start of March Madness, probably the greatest day every year for basketball. 16 basketball games starting from about 12pm. Lose and go home! Its great! Mind you this year I have no idea who's winning, hell I haven't even looked at the matchups yet but I'm backing Wake, Illinois and NC and cheering wildly against the Blue Devils.

I wasn't really planning on blogging today, not much to write about but then I got a work related email this morning (yes must not check work emails when on vacation) and it got my mind going. First it was a tad annoying because I'm convinced the person is rather clueless and they waited until after I said I'm going on vacation to send me the mail but I'll let that slide because although I could help out they are flip flopping on issues and therefore I'm not doing jack till I go back out Monday. So them buss luck (outta luck).

What is weird about the email though is that lately the person has been sending me these work related emails with slang and short-form (internet style abbreviations) in them. Totally inappropriate for the business setting in my opinion. No not slang like 'what up dog?' or anything like that but just slang like we're internet buddies IM'ing. We're here dealing with formal work matters, and its not like the person is my colleague in the same office, we're different organizations, I've never met this person face to face, we're not pals, and we've only had maybe two or three phone conversations where I tried to be a paragon of professionalism so I don't know where this guy thinks that its ok to send me slang and short-form in emails.

I could stereotype and say its a sign of the yout dem just straight out of college and how dem not as professional but that would be a generalization and a disservice to all the great people who come out of school and are well trained and know how to be professional straight off the bat.

Yea it may not seem like a big deal and some folks have told me I'm probably being too ol skule about it but I'm sorry if I have higher standards. This naa goin mek it with me. Leave the slang for the blogs. :) I mean I've given up on receiving proper grammar in emails because lets face it good even adequate grammar is not something many folks are familiar with these days. Still its my opinion that you leave the slang-uage for when you're chatting in your personal conversations, hell I may even let some of the shortforms slide if it was an informal chat on the phone about business and I actually know you but don't bring it into serious written communication at work which could be used to document a project. Come on now! Judgment people judgment!

Ok that's my old man rant for the day. These kids nowadays.... lol

Kill That Noise

So if you're thinkin 'bout dissin me, better think twice
Cause next time, brother, I won't be so nice
You can come all alone or bring all your boys
But if you knew what I knew, then you'd kill that noise

MC Shan - Kill that Noise

While most people know Shan as the dude that discovered Canadian dancehall artist Snow of 'Informer' and 'Anything for you' fame, Shan was one of the big dudes back in the day down with the Juice crew and had a classic beef with my man KRS-one and BDP. I was digging in the crates and came up with this gem yesterday.

Been feeling to write a bit about sports lately and no not cricket this time, just my time playing sports as a youngster. I think the motivation came from Starfoxx's post last week and also the fact that its inter-school sports time in Barbados so that brings back memories. Plus I just watched one of the most amazing shooting performances in Raptors history with Donyell Marshall scoring 38 points including 12 three-pointers as the Raps beat the 76ers. Yeah baby!

In case you haven't figured it out yet I'm a sporting fanatic. Baseball, Cricket, Basketball, Football, NFL, pretty much the only sport I haven't really gotten into is hockey and probably because I didn't grow up in this here Canada area. I come from a family where my dad played cricket when I was growing up and my brother football and I was always surrounded by sports conversations from the time I was a child. In fact some of my fondest memories of hanging with my dad are going to Shell Shield cricket matches back in the day.

I also loved and still do, although I'm limiting myself to squash these days, to play sports. Yea I've got mad competitive spirit although I've tried to keep it under wraps for a while now because it doesn't really fit into my laid back, ho-hum whatever man type disposition these days. Still, I've always been energetic and as a kid I absolutely went crazy with sports.

Cricket, basketball, Tennis, table-tennis, football, track, volleyball you name it, at one time I've probably played it for a few months at least. The thing was although my dad loved sports I found that him and the rest of my family was never very supportive of me in the sporting arena. It hurt a lot as a kid to not have that push but for them it was all about the importance of education so sports was secondary. Left to my own devices I'd a probably switched that around. Clearly they never realized what big money sports could be lol.

In my mind aside from football, I probably had some potential in all the sports I played and could have maybe gone further with sports than I did. Maybe all like now I coulda been a West Indies cricketer getting big money from Digicel and C&W, driving big expensive car wid ten cellphone and nuff gal on me arm. :) Oh well, was not to be. sigh!

In hindsight though I cant say I blame my parents for not supporting the sports thing as they had my best interest at heart but as a teenager lets just say I was less than thrilled at the support I got in the area of sports. Anyway I got some painful memories about that so lets not go there.

Anyway the one sport I did represent my school in was track. Ok well I did play one under-15 basketball game for my high school too but that didn't work out as well as planned. Coach didn't particularly like me, I didn't particularly like him, I played very little, I wasn't being supported by family to continue so after that one game I said this is a waste of my time so I quit. It wasn't a difficult decision seeing that as much as I liked to play I probably disliked organized practice sessions with as much if not more intensely. Cant say I have any regrets about quitting. Well maybe a few but still. Hmm maybe I shouldn't be writing this post I'm discovering unresolved issues here.

So where was I? Oh yes I ran track for my high school in my last two years there. I was a sprinter, mainly a 100m runner. Now high school for us in the Caribbean is about 5-7 years. We don't have any Junior high so its Primary school onto high school at 11 and you stay there until you're 16 or 18. That's just some info in case you don't know.

Track season for us always started around mid to late January with heats for our own school sports where the different houses competed against each other. The finals for that was held sometime in February and then in March we had the inter-school event where all the schools in the island came together for about 4 days of competition.

In my first two years of high school I would go to the heats for all the running events and do pretty poorly in all except the longer distances. By years 3 and 4, as I grew, I was skipping the 100 and 200m heats since those were usually held first and I had not built up the courage to compete in them by the time they started. So I was basically running the quarter mile and up and I actually made a few semis and finals at our school sports day but never won anything.

Year 5, I finally decided to try the 100 and 200 again and what do you know I was pretty good at it so our track coach would drag me up to the National Stadium on Saturday to have a run with the big boys. I never did that well but it was fun again except for the organized practice thing. I had no discipline for that but I've got to say that nothing really compares to the adrenalin of competitive sports. Oh and school sports meets were cool because you got to meet kids, read girls, from other schools. Of course I would have been able to impress more of these girls if I was actually placing in events or if I wasn't such a 90lb sand being kicked in the face type geek lol.

Anyway this story which I realize I'm telling very badly at the moment is not about interschool sports its about running track at my own high school.

It was my final year of high school and I was a decent if largely underrated runner. I had long legs and long arms and I wasn't the most coordinated dude out there but I got by. I loved to run on the beach so I didn't even consider it practice when I was jogging in the surf on mornings with my dad but I think it helped my speed a bit. So this year track time came around and I went out to do the 100m and I won my first heat rather easily even though there were some good athletes in the field. Now because of this I started getting a bit of a ribbing from some of my boys. Mainly they were just kidding around about the race and how I was coming out to beat everyone this year and stuff like that. All good natured fun but it caught the attention of this one athlete who I would have to compete against. Lets call him Tony.

Tony was one of those alpha male types and in fact he represented the island for a few years at Carifta games ,which was the inter-island youth track & field meet that were held every year. He was a very impressive. An all round track and field athlete actually and would win or place in quite a few events at our schools sports every year. Thing was he really wasn't a 100m runner. I mean he was ok in the 100m but that wasn't really his forte. Of course seeing that he was this alpha male he clearly felt I was no competition for him.

Anyway Tony started to big up his chest and diss me when the second round matchups were drawn and he realized that both of us were in the race. I guess you can call it psychological warface. It did work up quite a bit of hype almost like it was me vs him mano a mano and no one else in the race though. I had very little to say but this guy just had a comment to say for everything about this race. He ran off at the lip about how I wasn't a treat and he was going to win easily.

To make matters worse we ended up running in the same first round heat for the 200m and although I gave a good fight he beat me by a few meters. So this made him think he was unstoppable. He was the winner of the second round 100m matchup before we had even run the race. He just kept on yapping and yapping and yapping. Why some Bajan people love chat so much? Highly annoying! (yea like I should talk I've got the longest post in the world gong here lol)

But I kept cool, wasn't drawn into the war of words and just decided I'd have to try to kill that noise (worked in the title ref) when the time came.

Big day arrives! The heats are run after school lets out at 3pm so all day in class I'm trying to stay cool while I hear the yapping and I hear all the predictions about who will win going on. Let me tell you I'm not so cool, I'm sweating, my hands are cold and I'm a bit worried about this race but the time comes and although I'm still a bit anxious I put on my game face. Tony and some other guys who are not bad runners as well as my 'brother from another mother' are also in this race and we've got quite the crowd watching because well its a 100m race and its got a bit of hype to it.

We get at the start line, my adrenalin flowing like crazy. My extremities are freezing, a trait I had throughout high school and university whenever I had to do anything competitive or any sort of big exam or test. Man, I'm getting cold sweats writing about this! Anyway we step to the line I say good luck to my brother and we all take our mark. I'm trying to focus and not to false start, fall at the line or basically walk instead of run out of the blocks as I sometimes do because any of these things could happen.

The starter gives us the signal. On your marks! Set! POW! The gun goes off. Tony is up and out of the blocks like Ben Johnson while just what I didn't want to happen has happened and I'm out of the blocks a good meter behind everyone. I'm starting from the back. Looks like Tony was right and I was no match for him. Damn, I fell victim to the psychological warfare and wasn't putting up a fight. By the 20m mark he had already opened up a 5m lead on the main pack. By the 30m mark he had a 10m lead on me.

suddenly I kicked it in gear and made my move. I just wanted to get to that zone where you're gliding. I don't think I really hit that point as I had in other races but at the 40m mark I still thought I had a chance. Lets see if I can overtake Tony. By 50m I was only 8 m behind Tony. I'm catching up! 55m I've passed everyone else and I'm 5m behind Tony. I couldn't hear the crowd, I couldn't see anyone but Tony and the finish line. I was focused man! I had clawed my way back into the race.

At 70m, I finally pulled even. We're neck and neck for about 5 meters which to me seems like an eternity when in probably one of my most strangely outer worldly uncharacteristic moves ever, I raised my hand in victory. Just in mid stride, out of the blue, quickly threw my left hand up into the air with my fist pumped. Yea its only the 70m mark and I haven't even passed the guy yet but I raise my hand in victory. Damn what a cocky move! I'm not even sure what made me do it up to now or how I managed to do it and still maintain my stride but from that move I just couldn't afford to lose so I found an extra gear I didn't even know I had and I flew past Tony like the road runner runnin things (big up to Chi Ali!). I blew past the finish line and didn't decelerate for a good 20m after that. I think I won the race by a good 8 or 10m its wasn't even close. No more chat from Tony! The crowd went wild! I was getting high 5s and hugs like I was Joe Carter hitting the World Series winning homerun back in '93. I felt like Whitney was singing her 'One moment in Time' song just for me, I was the greatest lol.

The story doesn't really end there. I had quite the Cinderella year. I went on to win my semi-final heat and I placed second in the finals because my lane was wet and I slowed over the last 10m. I went on to inter-school sports where I got to run against two guys who ended up going to the Olympics (they went, they got knocked out first round but they went). As an unknown at inter-school sports who no-one thought had a chance to even get past the first round I won my first two rounds and placed second in my semi-final. Unfortunately, I was dumb enough to try to change my start for the final and I ended up stumbling badly out of the blocks and not doing so well there. Still I have very fond memories of that year especially since I did most of it with a niggling hip injury from a prior incident with a hurdle (it hurt to walk but not to run go figure) and yea I'm bigging up myself in my blog for once cause my wife tells me that I seem to forget about my good accomplishments.

Nuttin

We the willing
Led by the annoying
now doing the impossible
for the ungrateful
we have done so much,
for so long,
for so little,
that we are now qualified to do anything we we (nuttin)
say what? (nuttin)
I cant hear you (nuttin, nuttin)

Doug E Fresh - Nuttin

Well nuttin (nothing) was pretty much all I was hearing yesterday in Blogger land. Nobody can post, no body can comment and I thought I brought my A game too so it was a likkle disappointing. Oh well, c'est la vie. Don't feel shy to comment on the old posts if you liked them though.

But yep, Blogger was having serious issues on Thursday and Friday. Friday when no one could post I almost thought Blogger had got shut down like Jetsgo. But I wasn't that surprised at Jetsgo's failure because Urban Sister warned us after her little Christmas flying fiasco that Jetsgo wasn't going to last too long. A tell ya the girl is psychic like Miss Cleo den. All she needs is an accent and a catch phrase like "Call me now!" maybe something in rank bajan,said really fast, like "looka wunnah betta pick up de phone right now....den!" Do that and she'll be raking in the dough. Shout out to Zhigge if ya remember dat tune dey! lol

Anyway its Saturday so keeping it sort of light sort of miscellaneous. But before I do, I want you guys to check out Soli's alter ego's post from a few days back. Wicked, wicked post dat. One of the best me ever read on this blogging thing. Really poignant. Respect due!

Scratchie posted a nice one yesterday too about the language in Jamaica and how the slang changes. I know what he means because I find that the slang in Barbados does the same thing too. Sometimes when I go home and hear the kids talking I have to say 'but wait wha um is dem talkin bout cross deyso bosie cause I really cann understand wah dem saying'. :) Will have to post on that someday.

And Obi did a nice one about men crying as well. Respect! We've got this joke in my household that I have so much held in that one of these days I'm going to just crack and the emotion will all come flowing out in a torrent of tears that wont stop. Similar to that Friend's episode with Bruce Willis. lol. Hasnt happened yet though.

All in all some good reading from my fellow bloggers though so big up to everyone.

Dr D posted about the Michael Jackson trial a few days ago. Well now I'm hearing that Michael may be close to bankrupt. Apparently, he's just like that Kanye lyric goes "black female addicted to retail". Oh ok that doesn't really apply ..since he's no longer black, ha ha ha. Sorry I just had to get in a little punchline against Michael.

Anyway I think he needs to be hitting up eBay and seeing how much he can get for Bubbles the chimp. But really as Bajan Sis point out today ya really cant feel too sad for Michael, first of all cause he should know better than to mess with the people children even if he is innocent and two cause bankrupt for him aint like bankrupt for us little folk when our pockets empty and we cant even afford a bus fare or a hamcutter so Michael boy don't expect nuh pity from me. I done tell ya yesterday I heartless. lol.

Oh on the Michael issue. Two things. How Michael can go into the court wearing pajama pants? Don't courts in the US have strict dress codes? I know as a man that work down by the Courts in Bim at one point in time, that you couldn't go court in Barbados in certain clothing. Ya had ta dress proper. So how come Michael can get away with wearing his big loody(Camp I bet ya aint hear dat bajan word in a long time) pajama pants. Oh yea loody means ill-fitting and loose. :-) Oh well!

Second thing was yesterday morning I realize that there is some tv station doing reenactments of the courtroom proceedings. They have some bleach out fella in a wig looking real serious at the witnesses pretending he is Michael, its rather funny actually.

But then it got me to thinking about the crime reenactments that they put on here in Toronto. Anytime they are looking for an offender for some crime; rape, assault, theft, murder, indecent public exposure and they cant find him they will show some reenactment of the crime using actors and actresses in an effort to see if they can get leads on the criminal. Neat idea I say ...BUT really and truly it has me thinking "but wait, who are these actors that take part in the reenactments?". OK yes its a reenactment, so you are not the criminal but when they show a fellow robbing a convenience store and its your face being seen on tv with a gun in your hand and then they show a sketch of the actual suspect which image you think myself and the rest of the general public will remember?

So whenever I see reenactments I wonder if those actors ever get into trouble because someone saw them in the crime reenactment and thought they were the real criminal. Is an actor ever sitting on the subway when some little old lady who watched City Pulse suddenly realizes that he is the person she saw on tv but mistakenly thinks he is the real criminal and next thing ya know she reports him to police who swoop down and has him catspraddled all over the ground. Hey it could happen.

Anyway it late, I tired, I going in my bed, hopefully blogger will cooperate with us in the morning so you guys can post comments. Will chat with you all on Sunday, God willing. Have a great weekend.

Eediat ting dat

Eediat, eediat, eediat, diat, eediat ting dat!
Eediat, diat, eediat, eediat, we nuh inna dat eediat ting dat!
Eediat, diat, diat, diat, Eediat ting dat

Assassin - eediat ting

Yes the correct word is idiot but that's the way it's pronounced in the song to which you can find the video here. lol

Anyway, when I first came to Toronto I had this theory that when spring was coming around all the crazy people sort of came out of the woodwork. Black people too, crazy and sane, cause we be hibernating something fierce in winter. It drops below 5 degrees Celsius and black people disappear. Sometimes, as I'm walking to work and not seeing many black faces, I wonder if blacks haven't secretly invented an instantaneous transporter device like on Star Trek (and if you watch Enterprise you'll realize that they made the inventor of the Transporter a black man) and are using it to get to work in the winter . Only time you see a lot of black folks in winter up in Toronto is at black history month events. Word is born.

But I digress. I had this theory that basically said the freaks, the lunies (as opposed to the loonies which is the slang for the Canadian dollar), the weirdos, those who are mad, sick, head nuh good or the folk that we in Barbados would refer to as simply being 'mad as ass!'would all somehow show up at the break of spring. Forget Punxsutawney Phil and Wiarton Willie and all those other rat like creatures that are used to determine winter's course, I say a sure fire way of knowing that spring is here is the ritual sighting of the crazy folk.

Well I never really developed that theory but maybe I should have because now in the year of '05, although this week has been colder than the bottom of an icebox, I see clear signs by some of the strange eediat ting dat that I've seen occur over the past week that spring is on its way.

Case in point. Man throws his 5 year old child off a bridge 50 feet to the ground. Sigh! The man was going through a bitter divorce with the child's mother so he takes the child throws her over a bridge and then himself jumps all because he wants to punish the mother. A wha kinda eediat ting dat! All I have to say is he definitely fits my definition for 'mad as ass!' eediat diat diat diat eediat ting dat! Spring must definitely be on its way soon.

I guess the man just snapped because reports were saying that psychiatrists had previously determined he would in no harm to the child. So much for their analysis the mother was probably thinking while this guy was calling her to rub it in as he raced on his way to kill himself and the child. Anyway luckily the story ends rather well. The child survived being killed by the fall or any vehicles on the street she landed on whilst the father was killed by the jump. Eediat!

Second case in point. I'm getting ready for work on Tuesday morning so I turn on City TV to see if its -7 or -27 and yes it does really matter sometimes. I hear the announcer say something about disturbing video and I look up to see a dude with a knife in his hand at Yonge and Wellesley surrounded by about 10 policemen all with guns drawn and a bunch of police cars. Read short exert here. The police drove one car at him and he jumps on the hood and then gets off after a short time and continues his standoff. He's not pointing the knives at anyone mind you but clearly this guy has issues.

Then they drive the car at him again and pin him with a loud crunching sound, which elicited an unexpected ooooh from me, between the car and one of those circular metal things one chains one bicycle to (if you can give me a name for these things it'd be much appreciated). I'm feeling this guys pain after being squeezed because for a few moments he's pinned between the car and the circular metal thing. I expect dude to be all squashed because seriously it sounded quite disturbing when he got squeezed but he just springs back up, all happy like, like not a thing wrong in the world.

Then finally and quite unexpectedly he just drops the knives at which point the policemen pounce on him. They claim he has mental issues but I'm going to channel my mother here and leave you with one word.....DRUGS! and again to quote Mr assassin: Eediat, diat, diat, diat, Eediat ting dat!

Now what is funny about this one though is the response by black folks. Every black person I spoke to about this incident had the same two responses. "Whew I'm glad he wasn't black." and "Boy ya kno if he was black he wudda dun get shoot". Cant say I disagree with the logic. Remember when I posted this one titled Please Lord don't let him be black. Probably before anybody was reading my blog but it brings back memories about the collective consciousness which is too deep a topic to go into here.

My final sign that the inmates are loose and spring is on the way came on Wednesday afternoon when out of the blue this guy lit himself on fire. There was a farmer's protest going on (to which this man was no way affiliated) outside the Provincial legislature building, he drove through a police barricade in the vicinity, held police at bay for over an hour making nonsensical statements and then finally he doused himself in kerosense and lit himself on fire. Queue the music: Eediat, eediat, eediat diat, Eediat thing that!

Anyway apparently they were able to extinguish the fire before he killed himself but he's in hospital in serious condition. Now when this incident occurred it caused a big bundle of confusion with the traffic and everything in that area as streets were closed off etc. I was leaving work early to go to an appointment so my first thoughts were "cheese on bread this igrant man now gone an offset my travel plans." Unfortunately I said it out loud and someone called me heartless because I wasn't showing any feelings for the Eediat man. Oh well heartless I can live with its better than being called shifty. And for those of you keeping score that now makes me an unstable, shifty, heartless, flight risk. I'm moving up in the world baby! Hmm got to work that into my resume somehow.

My response to the heartless comment was well I didn't sell him the kerosense, I didn't give him the matches and I sure as hell didn't goad or egg him on to light himself on fire. Ya neva see me telling him "boss man ya kno I feel dat you should burn yourself to a crisp jus fa fun ya kno!" If he is hearing voices in his head it wasn't me, could have been Lloyd Banks singing 'On fire' or something similar in which case he should just take off the iPod but it definitely wasn't me so yes he is messing with my plans with his eediat move and I reserve the right to not feel any pity for him.

In conclusion, if my general hypothesis that the appearance of crazy folks is a sure sign of Spring's arrival then Spring is coming with a vengeance this year so all my T dot massive hold tight, it soon warm up.

Good day to all and have a good weekend and lets hope blogger allows some comments today.

Living Dangerously

Ok I was hard pressed to link a song title to this post but since I figure I'll speak a bit about Brandi, the red headed girl, I thought the title from the Barrington Levy/Bounty Killer song was appropriate.

So yep by popular demand I watched the America's Top model show last night. Sigh! I'm sorry to say I definitely wasn't feeling this like I was the SI swimsuit contest. I wasn't feeling the desperation and the drama but hey the show is yet young so who knows. I'll give it a couple of weeks.

Onto our show. First off Lawd ave mercy after last night I'm looking at Tyra in a whole new light after watching this show. I mean usually on casual glance at Tyra I find myself pondering an eternal question that has confounded man for eons (ok actually more like the last 20 years) "Real or Fake?" Is true, enquiring minds want to know, I'm leaning towards fake but someone send me Chris Webbers's address so I can get a definite answer. lol.

Anyway like I was saying after last night now I looking at Tyra as Tyra the tyrant. What I say goes! Chop off your hair, put in that green weave, obey me now and don't give me no back chat. The woman ruling with an iron fist. She would make a great military officer.

So last night we had 14 finalists. They were taken to LA to live and they had their first photoshoot where they were supposed to be aliens. What this concept ended up being was dressing them all up like Cyndi Lauper in "Girls just want to have fun", putting funky colorful makeup all over their faces and having them pose next to a police car. I guess for persons born in the 80s dressing like the 80s is alien so maybe it was supposed to makes sense. Alrighty then!

The photographer and this other guy dissed one girl and said she had only one look for all her poses. Maybe she's a fan of the movie Zoolander and she was giving them her "Blue Steel" look. Maybe she working on her 'Magnum' look but hasn't perfected it yet. That looks devastating you know. (Watch the movie if you don't know what I'm talking about.) Come to think of it the whole photoshoot reeked of Derelicte, I was half expecting Mugatu to show up. (another Zoolander reference) That Hansel he's so hot right now. Sorry I just threw that Zoolander line in for no apparent reason.

So, now there is one bony likkle ghetto gal name Brandi wid a big shock of orange afro on her head looking like Foxxy Cleopatra's illegitimate and seriously malnourished step sister. The gal look like she's going to a Dancehall Queen or skin-out contest not America's top model. Every time I see her I expect to hear somebody holla "gi dem a run! gi dem a run!" and see her break into the latest dancehall move. Maybe she can teach me de Sesame Street sometime. The gal "likkle but she tallawa" (I think it means small in size but feisty but my friends from Yard would have to confirm that) ... Naa she aint really likkle but tallawa but I always wanted to use that phrase on my blog. Ok mission fulfilled I can retire now, lol.

Seriously though, the girl act like she nuh have nuh broughtupsy (manners) at all. Face push up at everything from the word go. She was one of the last girls to do the alien photo shoot so she was waiting for a while. My girl sit down wid her face set up like rain and her mout push up big big, big and talk about how she's tired waiting and she's sleepy. Acting like the show is doing her a favor. Serious Diva attitude from day 1. Even when she got to do the shoot she's telling the photographer that she's tired and sleepy. I mean if she had a lollipop in her mouth and started sucking her teeth, I would have thought she was Glamour Girl Sue. (Sorry inside joke there for the bajan massive, let me explain. Glamour Girl Sue is this fictional schoolgirl character, in really short uniform, that this bajan calypso group Madd made up some years ago. She's like the rude school gal, who doesn't go to school but runs after the minibus men, and acts and dresses real slack and disrespectful.)

I really cant understand Brandi's attitude though. First photoshoot, you are here on this show battling nuff good looking gal for a modeling contract, a once in a lifetime thing and you are acting a fool. Come on now. Ya living dangerously rude gal.

That out of the way they took them to their new living quarters and then they were supposed to meet Tyra the Tyrant in the morning. Hold up think I'm forgetting something. Oh yea the runway consultant came and measured them all. Everyone coming in at 5'10" and 5'9" and under 120lbs. I don't know about you guys but that's pretty thin in my opinion. That's not real woman size. Not that I saying that all women must be big and hefty or anything so but the average woman out there does not carry that size on that tall a frame. Oh but wait, one girl weighed in at a whopping.......138lbs. She's positively huge in this group. Finally someone who weighs more like the average woman. Well ya know what that means? Yep, she cant be long for this contest.

So morning came and they were taken to a beauty salon where Tyra the Tyrant had already predetermined what beauty and hair treatment each young lady would get. Alert! Alert! Black women hair issues dead ahead! Hmm Where have I seen this before. I'm having a deja vu type feeling here. lol

So Tyra the Tyrant (please vote for real or fake if blogger will actually let anyone comment today) had already decided whose hair was getting fluffed, whose was getting cut, whose was getting extensions, getting straightened, getting dyed etc. And let me pause for a minute and say I really don't know anything about fashion because I never realize that white women wore weaves too. Unbeweavable! Fake hair all over the place then! Naa I'm kidding I knew about the white girl weaves but it just kind of caught me off guard to see Tyra recommending weaves for white women.

Anyway like I said black girl hair drama. There are three black girls in the 14. One who came back to the show after being eliminated early last season (are you allowed to do that?) was told to get some long extensions. No problem here, like a good little trained minion she asked how high when Tyra said jump. Another one was told to get an asymmetrical cut. Now I really don't know what that means because when I think asymmetrical I think of geometry so I was expecting something in a triangle, octagon or decahedron on top her head and thinking no that aint going to look good. Maybe she didn't understand the term asymmetrical cut either because she had some issues with the hair style. Tyra's minions told her to just accept it, she questioned them, they made it seem like she had committed sacrilege by questioning the words of the all knowing Tyra and had to dress her down. She wasn't being too dramatic about her dislike of the hairstyle thing though its just that she was skeptical. However in this show apparently skepticism is not allowed so they were all over her.

In the end the hairstyle looked good but yes Tyra the Tyrant was disappointed in her when she came back. Off with her head I screamed but fortunately the Tyra the Tyrant is a forgiving diva/goddess. Asymmetrical girl got off with only 2000 lines to write on the blackboard. Thou shalt obey the Goddess Tyra at all times and if I ever find out who coined the phrase Tyra the Tyrant I'm going to kick his ass Tyra muttered under her breath. Ok not really but I added those last two sentences for dramatic effect

Then we came to Brandi aka Glamour Girl Sue again. At first, they told Brandi we love your hair we're not doing anything with it. Blam, quick so mouth push up big big. Brandi vex, she saying that she feel they need to do something with her hair. How come all the other girls getting new looks and they leaving her with her hair like a big Orange mop. Then they told her no we're cutting off the afro and making it shorter. Alright now this is where Brandi supposed to be happy that she's getting a makeover and she is for a few moments. Then the hair came off leaving a rather short man like style. Too short in my opinion, Brandi's too. I'm not calling it a short afro like they did on the show because to me an afro supposed to be a certain size so if your hair almost down to your scalp its not a short afro. That would be an oximoron. Its not a short afro its an afro in training. Next thing I would be walking around telling people that I have a bald afro. No star, short afro naa mek it with what they did with Brandi's hair.

But back to the episode. Brandi started complaining, commenting how her boyfriend will leave her because of her afro in training style etc etc. They left the haircolor orange but she also complained that they didn't dye her eyebrows orange to match the hairstyle. Complain complain complain and you can tell that she's not a pleasant girl to be around. Just real own way. But they did dye the eyebrows.

Oh I should note that they all did a topless photoshoot after their makeovers. Yea that should have gotten more coverage in the blog but to be honest it wasn't that noteworthy. Yea I know topless photoshoot, I should be gushing words or at least drooling or something but somehow this one naa mek it for me. I'm just not feeling these girls yet to tell you the truth and no one really stands out positively but its early in the game so we'll see.

So after that Tyra came back and expressed her displeasure about the way two of the girls, no names called yet but clearly Brandi and Asymmetrical girl acted. Instead of willingly and blindly following the lead of their great and industrious or is that insidious leader Tyra the Tyrant these infidels had the nerve to question her commands. How dare they? Don't they know that she is a Goddess/Diva who could be real or could be fake who was the first black woman on the cover of Sports Illustrated.....twice? Ya best to recognize! Off with their heads I say! Oh wait I used that line already.

Anyway to be anti-climactic it went to the judging stage. To be honest I wasn't too impressed by their deliberations, the SI guys were better. These judges seem like they play for the cameras and I'm not even sure who the brunette is supposed to be but apparently she is known for her disses. So eventually they showed each girl their best photo, upbraided Brandi and the asymmetrical one for their behavior in sort of a going to the headmaster type of way except no use of bamboo (see previous blog Make Room for references to headmasters and bamboo) and there were tears from the asymmetrical one and a wide eyed 'Who me? naa not me, I didn't do anything' look from Brandi as they pleaded their cases.

Then onto the results. Tyra the Tyrant says something like there are 14 beautiful girls here but I only have 13 photos so one of you will be eliminated. She then starts calling out those who will stay one by one. Then with 4 persons left she says there are 4 of you left but I only have 3 photos, one of you will be eliminated. Well Tyra 2 minutes ago you started with one photo less than the number of girls now didn't you? No one handed you a late breaking report saying no one will be eliminated so duhh unless you have a secret invisible photo lab in your hands clearly you should still have one less photo that persons. Duhhhhh!

Anyway they overdramatized it; asymmetrical girl and Glamour girl sue were left in the final four but asymmetrical girl made it in as the first girl from the final 4 and the final two were Brandi and I believe it was the 138lb girl (but I cant tell cause I really haven't figured out who is who yet and its not just with the white contestants because if asymmetrical girl wasn't focused on, I wouldn't be able to tell her from the other one who got the weave. Of course Glamour Girl sue stands out though ) were the last two left and somehow they managed to not eliminate Glamour Girl Sue. She heard her name called and starting crying and told the all knowing all seeing Tyra the Tyrant who could be real but is more likely fake that she will work on her attitude. Lets see what next week brings.

Brother's gonna work it out!

Ok had another blog for today but time is pressing so this is a quick one. The title is from a P.E song off the Fear of A black Planet Lp for those who don't know.

Anyway looks like brothers and sistas might be finally wisening up. This article proves it.

"More African Americans identify having to fight for a cause they don't support as a barrier to military service," concluded an August 2004 study for the Army. It also said attitudes toward the Army among all groups of American youth have grown more negative in recent years.........................

Blacks make up about 23 percent of today's active-duty Army, but the share of blacks in the recruit classes of recent years dropped. From 22.7 percent at the time of the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, the share slid to 19.9 percent in 2002; 16.4 percent in 2003 and 15.9 percent last year, according to figures provided by Army Recruiting Command spokesman Douglas Smith.

The slide has continued, dropping to 13.9 percent as of Feb. 9.............

A July 2004 study of parents' influence on young people of recruiting age found that black parents have more say in their child's career decisions than is the case with white parents. Also, black parents trust the military less and have more moral objections to military service................

A separate study, done shortly after President Bush declared major combat operations in Iraq had ended, concluded, "Combat is the number one reason why" blacks don't want to join the Army.

Duhh, blacks don't want to join the army because they don't want to get shot to hell in Iraq. Can ya blame em?

By the way any votes for me doing a America's Top Model blog tomorrow? I can be swayed :-)

R U ready

Ok another random hip hop title today. This time from the Beatnuts back when Fash was a part of the group in the Intoxicated Demons era.

Anyway today I've got two items to talk about. Completely separate items, with nothing in common. The first part is sort of directed at my fellow bajan bloggers, Urban Sis, Camp, Marlo damn they aint alot of us are they? Anyway I read this article on Friday and thought I'd share it with you guys since I figure one of you guys may be the next big bajan writer. Maybe we could do a reality show and I could get to do a little critique. ha ha ha. Just kidding but maybe the article could be motivation.

After producing such internationally acclaimed writers as George Lamming, Austin "Tom” Clarke and Dr Kamau Brathwaite, Barbados’ future when it comes to creative fiction isn’t too rosy.

Put another way, the problem comes down to: who will make up the next generation of Bajan writers?

Both Clarke and Brathwaite, who have won major international literary awards, don’t like what they see on the horizon

So guys step up to the plate. Where's my next great novel by a bajan writer?


Ok that out of the way I'm going to speak a bit about my favorite TV show right now: 24. Boy me love this show bad ya kno! Wicked show dat! If you haven't seen it, its this fictional series with actual real actors not the reality TV crap that has taken over TV. It deals with this fictional counter terrorist group (CTU) based in LA. I could go on and on about this show and how I've watched all 3 and a half seasons so far. Its that good. Its based on real time where a minute in the show is an actual minute and the show takes place in 24 one hour segments representing an entire day so we see how the characters develop and handle situations over the day. Surprisingly they go to the bathroom a lot less often than one would imagine one goes in the average 24 hr span. Anyway they do keep it real or at least rather intense on this show most of the time but I wanted to focus on some of the not realistic parts of the show.

Now me and one of my bajan sistren sit around on Tuesdays and go over the episodes and why certain things just naa mek it just in general and also from a West Indian perspective. So I thought I'd share a few of the things we chat about. Wont chat about how the black man, Curtis, with the seniority in the organization was passed over for the top job last night even though he was in line for the position cause that's just keeping it a bit too real and hits home a little too uncomfortably for most of us, lol. So here goes:

(1) This season the main character Jack Bauer, who's played by Keither Sutherland, is involved with a married lady who is separated from her husband. The authorities realized that the husband may have been somehow affiliated to the criminals in the show. So they send Jack in and somehow Jack ends up torturing the guy with electrical shocks ......... in front of his estranged wife/Jack's current girlfriend. Ok I've never been in the torture business but its safe to say that was a faux pas on Jack's part as now the wife has switched from not caring about the husband to being all mother hen-ish about his wellbeing. Clearly unless you're trying to establish credentials as a bad mutha...... (shut your mouth!) torturing someone who your girlfriend once shared a bed with in front of her eyes is a no no. Unless you're really secretly trying to get rid of her in which case GO FOR IT!

Now where we have difficulty with the CTU personel is their attachment to their jobs. Clearly none of these people are from the Caribbean because these people love their jobs real bad. I mean dedication to the extreme! Three incidents this season sort of solidified that theory for us:

(1) This one lady was accused of being a traitor and tortured by her bosses. They found out later that she had been framed and they released her. After talking to the boss who said she was sorry, this lady went back to work immediately. Hold on now? I mean the woman was getting electric shocks and all sort of torture one minute from her bosses and 1/2 hr later she's back at her desk working for the same folk? She never hear about sick leave? I mean I know some fellows in Barbados get a stomach ache and they find the right doctor and that's two weeks of sick leave. Surely after being tortured the least you could do is spend the rest of the day at home. You could imagine a West Indian going back to work after being tortured? No star you would get up, cuss management bad bad bad, threaten the good for nothing so n so's about what you would do to them if you see them on the road. Then ya wud cuss all your coworkers for not standing up for you, spill all the secrets you know about them, clear out your desk and walk out the building, calling the doctor, the lawyer and the union rep one time. I lie?

Only way you were going back to work is if somehow you could frig up the whole operation. No way you heading back to work like nothing happened and putting in a full day's work. Oh hell no!

(2) This one computer guy Edgar was working on saving the country from nuclear holocaust by stopping the meldown of various nuclear plants. Unfortunately one of the plants he couldn't save was one close to where his disabled mother lived. Now my man Edgar finish saving half the country then ask the big boys to send someone to rescue his mother and they said sorry cant help you its too late. Too late? The guy just saved billions of people and you cant send a taxi for his mother in her wheelchair? I mean cuhdear now. So Edgar gets a bit huffy and tries to leave the building to go try and help her himself but they convinced him that he was needed in the office and not to leave. Can any of you Caribbean folks imagine ya mudda dying and you staying at work? Not me!

First off you would hear 'oh so wait wunnah want me ta save the country an wunnah cant even send one soldier boy to find my mudda? Oh dat is how it duz work bout hayso nuh! I musse look like a idiot ta wunnah! Wunnah got me hayso saving sam pooch an de duppy (interpretation: evabody) mudda but wunnah cant save my one mudda dat gi birth ta me? No star dat naa going mek it! tings cant work so! Ya feel wunnah cud unfair me so? Alright then, see all wunnah in hayso, I dun wid all wunnah den. D.U.N dun ya understand? Same way I turn off dem tings I cud turn dem back on ya kno? Looka wunnah got me real vex I gotta leff in hayso an find my mudda. Doan get infront me tryin ta stop me cause I cannot be held accountable fa what I do ta wunnah.' Then Edgar would have gone off on a venomous explicit filled tirade while collecting his jacket and he would have walked out the building with not a man daring to stop him. I lie?

(3) The lady who was running the CTU office had a child who had some sort of mental illness. She brought her to work and had her down in the medical facilities. Sadly the child committed suicide. So now you're thinking ok well the mother will break down, seeing as her only offspring dead, and from where I standing she aint really no spring chicken to be looking for another chile, and go home.

Well it happened sort of. Can you believe that the woman was back on the job 15 minutes after the child died? Eventually she broke down and left but again if she was from the Caribbean this scene could never work.

First off any West Indian mother would have gone home from the time they heard the child sick. Especially since she is the boss. Oh she would have delegated responsibilities, grabbed her handbag and be out of there in two seconds. Bring sick child to work? Nuh uh, that naa work. If things desperate you might call a family member to go and keep the girl till you can reach but bringing child to work. Nope.

And just in case you had been silly enough to take the child in to work and the child died any Caribbean mother would have had a instant breakdown. Child dead because you were too busy with work. Cuhdear, instant grief and blame one time. All work done! The mother would brek down bawling and weeping and they would have to send for her sister or her grandmother to come carry her home. But no instead this woman goes back to work. Boy these people not West Indian at all, den. Not even close.

Their Eyes were watching God

Classic piece of literature and crappy movie made by Oprah and Halle Berry.

On another note North Carolina (UNC) beat Duke yesterday and the Raptors won so it was still a good weekend. Yep, I'm another one of those anti-Duke fans. Cant stand those Duke Blue devils. What is a blue devil anyway were they just not allowed to put the word "eyed" in there? lol :-) I'm just kidding...sorta. Just never been a fan of Duke since the Christian Laettner, Bobby Hurley, Grant Hill era when they would ruin every NCAA March Madness pool that I entered.

Anyway, that said back to the topic at hand. Like I said Their Eyes were watching God has been known for many years as a classic piece of literature written by Harlem Renaissance woman Zora Neale Hurston. If you've never read it, its definitely worth the effort. After last night though Their Eyes were watching God will also be known as a crappy TV movie made by Oprah starring Halle Berry.

Yep, I guess I'm still sort of one of those elitist types when it comes to literature and movies based on said literature. Actually my stance is if I haven't read the book then go ahead make the movie. If I have read it please stay away. Of course mind you if I ever write anything and Hollywood comes calling I'm going to be hard pressed to say no to the dollars. Oh who am I kidding I'm taking the money and running. Oh like I shouldn't and then I die and Hollywood offers my grandkids the cash and those spoilt brats take it (cant you tell I'm going to make one delightful old person?). The same grandkids who put my ass in a old folks home and never visited. Oh hell no! I'm taking the money, if the grandkids want money from Hollywood let them write their own ish. lol.

To be truthful though Hollywood sometimes does put up a pretty good effort in making books into movies. The Lord of the Rings trilogy instantly comes to mind but unfortunately they screwed up with Their Eyes. It wasn't as bad as they screwed up Walter Mosely's Devil in a Blue Dress but it could be close. I'll have to think on it a while.

I was hoping for the best with Their Eyes even though Summer gave me fair warning a month ago and then again yesterday that Oprah aka the devil herself(oh no, I'm going to be assaulted by hoards of oprah's mindless minions now) was going to ruin it. Sadly I ignored said warnings and tried to think positive. Nope didn't work.

Now I'm sure there was some good about the movie...somewhere. Clearly casting Michael Ealy as TeaCake, the lover of Halle's character Jaine wasn't one of them. I mean the book clearly has Halle's character as this extremely fair skinned person and her lover Teacake as a darker man, and yes that distinction is very important to the book. So how you going to cast a dude lighter than Halle as the lead? Throws off the entire movie right there. Same thing with Jodie, Janie's second husband. The book describes him as 'seal brown' so how you going to cast Ruben-Santiago Hudson another dude lighter than Halle as this character and again yes this is significant. You've just ruined all of the color politics in the movie with those two casting decisions.

And I wont even go into why Halle had to say 'I'm watchin God' like 5 times in the movie when the phrase only occurs about once in the book? I guess its in case the audience forgot what they were watching.

Yea I can knitpick since this book is rather fresh in my memory. Fortunately I wont go on about the release of the pigs or anything like that since Hollywood is allowed some improvisation here and there ..according to them. However Teacake and Jaine's relationship takes up more than half the book why did it feel like such a great rush and why did they skip so many details in this movie?

From their first meeting where Halle was undressing dude with her eyes (I didn't see that in the book) to the storm scenes it just seemed like the movie makers were saying ok lets wrap it up, hurry hurry hurry!

We never got a sense of the community down on the muck. It was reduced to a international traveling street fair. We never got to see Mrs Turner or hear her bad talk Teacake, we never got a sense of how the love between Jaine and Teacake was growing and how Jaine was loving her freedom to be with the working folk. It was all rush rush rush. Wont even talk about why no explanation of Teacake's stabbing or why they cut his being forced to work on cleaning up the corpses after the storm. Rush rush rush! (much like this blog gots to get me to work)

Oh and was that dog supposed to be scary? I mean if anything that scene drove home why good prose can be better than the movies. When I read Zora Neale's account I could see that dog, see the desperation of the situation, really feel the moment. She somehow gave the dog personality. It was scary. What did the movie do? They gave you this dog snarling in the rain. Chupse! Did anyone explain to the dog what his motivation was supposed to be. "Ok dude you're supposed to be like the hounds of hell, you're mean, you're vicious, you're a killer, you're out for blood." "Ummm ok, I aint a killer I just bark alot. How about I growl some and show a bit of teeth?" "Well we're on a tight budget and this scene is rushed so ok that could work."

Oh well, I could go on and on but I'm sure Summer will write something better thought out and put together than I have so maybe you can check her blog for her thoughts on the movie.....assuming she isn't speechless today :-). See I made it through the movie and I didn't even mention Halle overacting the love scene with Teacake. Oops!

Sigh! I hope Oprah don't make no more books into movies. She means well but still....

Addendum: Ok I was thinking about the movie some more on my way to work and well if you read the book alot of it is about color politics. Janie is seen as desirable, beautiful and more of a lady because of her long hair and fair features. She's a 'browning' or a 'red girl' to use some of my caribbean venacular and alot of the book deals with black people's perceptions of themselves and their 'shade of black' using her Janie's situations and what is expected of her by other folks. In fact this is a significant theme throughout the book. However Oprah's movie convieniently and completely ignores this theme.Why? Doesnt that theme play well on tv? Its not like black folks have gotten over their internal color issues? So why ignore such a significant part of the book? Is it still taboo to talk about color amongst black folks?

Addendum 2: Summer's too distraught to post so I'll refer y'all to Safire's review