Tuesday, September 28, 2004


"These are my confessions
Man I'm thrown and I don't know what to do
I guess I gotta give you part 2 of my confessions
If I'm gonna tell it then I gotta tell it all............... "

Usher - My Confessions

Yesterday I think I cheated on my wife. I didn't mean to and it happened so fast I'm not sure how it happened. To me it seemed as if one minute I was sitting in class listening to the teacher and the next minute I was on the floor with this strange woman I had only met moments ago on top of me grabbing my face, my chest, my hips, my legs. Then somehow I found the roles reversed and she was under me and I was trying not to get tangled in underwires and the like. Then suddenly like that it was all over and a sense of relief mixed with panic washed over me. What had I done for one, two not so pleasurable moments? Could I look my wife in the face ever again? I always say you never know what's going to happen but the speed with which this event occurred boggled even my mind. I feel so cheap, so used, I need a shower. I didn't even get the woman's name. How will I ever live with myself again?

Now since I'm in a confessing mood today let me confess again. For those who don't know I'm not a very touchy feely person. I really actually have issues with people touching me. If I allow you to willingly touch me or hug me up that means that I like you real real bad so I can count on one hand the number of people who I let willingly touch me.

That said the last two days I was at a First Aid course. I'm supposed to be learning about slings and punctures and head wounds and CPR and bandages and all of that. Now going into the class I assumed that there would be a fair amount of hands on exercises. Mind you I thought that these hands on exercises would be on life-like dummies. Little did I know that I was the dummy for expecting dummies and I was going to be the life-like dummy...If you catch my drift. Lawd ave mercy!

So we are learning CPR and we have to pair up. Lucky me now I end up teamed up with this woman I don't know from Eve. Next thing I know I'm on the floor pretending that I'm unconscious, and actually wishing I was, as she has her hands all over my face checking my breathing. Then her hands are on my chest searching around trying to find the spot to give me CPR while I shudder silently. Stranger touching me maybe its all a dream. Well at least we didn't do the mouth to mouth resuscitation but I still feel so violated. I had to lay there really still and think happy thoughts. Go to my happy place and hope that it would all end soon and pretend that it wasn't happening. La la la, let me sing my song;

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm
woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a
of my favorite things .......................

When the dog bites
when the
bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my
favorite things and
then I don't feel so bad

Then next thing I know I must have blanked out because when I came to, the roles were reversed and I'm now supposed to perform CPR on this woman. See me now trying to find the spot to put the pressure on her chest without touching anything sensitive. Lawd ave mercy! How do I explain this to the wife now? "No dear, its not what it sounds like, I wasn't trying to touch anything so I was actually looking for the Xiphoid Process. Its the truth as God be my witness". So there I am feeling the ribcage and trying to find this Xiphoid Process point while sweating profusely. They said it's located directly between the nipples but at that point I really didn't want to hear nothing about nobody nipples or anything of the sort.

I think they should have taught us about dealing with trauma victims before they taught CPR because I think I was going into shock. My hands were really nervous, I was feeling cold and nobody didn't even throw a blanket over me to keep me warm. I was getting disoriented but I was sitting on the floor so at least if I fainted I wouldn't have far to fall. Anyway thank God I was able to find this Xiphoid Process spot and the only thing I touch was the middle part at the bottom of her bra. It was an accident I tell you, I didn't mean to! Well actually since we confessing I'll admit it was deliberate on my part because the spot to give the CPR was right under there so I didn't have no choice. Its not like I liked it so don't look at me that way I already feel bad enough about the whole thing.

So now I feel like I cheat on my wife after touching and being touched up by this strange woman. I just feel so,so dirty!

Anyway, I don't have anything more to say because just talking about this is giving me more trauma. Ok now take long deep breathes and sit down. Someone call 911 for me.


Abeni said...

Sensitive..ain't we:)

Anonymous said...


That was really good, i love the way you tied the ending back to the beginning. Good job!

Sweet C-