Sometimes I feel like......
Death is calling me
As I fall into the abyss
I wonder if I go
Will anyone really miss
The part that I play
Am I integral or spare part?
Out of sight
Out of mind and sometimes out of heart......
I'm quoting myself now from a poem I did a few years back. It sort of fits with today's post and sort of doesn't.
Today I'm wondering what will folks say about us when we die? What will they remember about us? Will good things be said, will fond memories be remembered or will we just be a footnote even to those closest to us after we've passed?
Found out today that someone that I knew died yesterday or two days ago. Keeping it rather cryptic because I may be forced to speak ill of the dead at some point. I cant say that I knew this person very well at least not on a personal level but I find that of the many of us who came into regular contact with him over the course of the few years when he was in our lives we basically have pretty much the same thing to say about that individual; He was talented and smart but mean and cranky, scary (that was my contribution to the synopsis) and some of us still have terrible flashbacks of this individual.
Now I'm sure this is not the way that said individual would like to be remembered, in fact no one would but in our interactions that's just the way that person came across and some of us were indeed terrified of him.
To make penance for dissing the dead (yea I'm going straight to a cold place filled with country and western music, my version of hell, hey wait that could also be Western Canada) that doesn't mean that the person wasn't a nice person. I'm sure they may be many who had better interactions with the individual and who would wax on glowingly about the many contributions and positive influences he had on their lives and how he will be missed but for us whose only interactions were in that one particular situation over and over again for a number of years we all remember our own personal interaction and how it just wasn't the best.
Makes you wonder though how people will remember you once you're gone though doesn't it? When I go will folks be thinking man I hated that dude with his wack jokes, I'm glad he's gone or will they be honestly missing me (goes back to the poem I guess) or will they be saying J who? I kind of remember him, lol.
Because like I've said before regardless of how highly you think of yourself and your contribution on this here ball of spinning rock at some point you all have to die and life, friends, family, work etc will go on without you. No matter how much you're missed things just wont stop because of the lack of your presence. No matter how much you may think the world revolves around you your deaths will not stop it spinning, will not stop flowers from blooming or the sun from rising in the morning. You are here for but a moment and then you're out. poof!
So does it matter how you're remembered as long as you do what you set out to do and kept it real with yourself?
I mean lets face it no matter how much you try everyone will not like you, everyone will not get you, everyone will not want to be your friend. Ask Jesus if you don't believe me. So do you change so that more people like you or so that you have a more positive impact on others, so that more people will find you to be a nice person rather than be scared or hate you? Or do you just keep doing you and hopefully someone out there gets it and there will be at least one person who misses you when you go. Actually when you're dead do you really care if anyone misses you?
I don't know I aint got the answers to that. Well I do (for myself at least) but y'all need to figure it out for yourselves. :-)