Tuesday, May 03, 2005

What will they say

Sometimes I feel like......
Death is calling me
As I fall into the abyss
I wonder if I go
Will anyone really miss
The part that I play
Am I integral or spare part?
Out of sight
Out of mind and sometimes out of heart......


I'm quoting myself now from a poem I did a few years back. It sort of fits with today's post and sort of doesn't.

Today I'm wondering what will folks say about us when we die? What will they remember about us? Will good things be said, will fond memories be remembered or will we just be a footnote even to those closest to us after we've passed?

Found out today that someone that I knew died yesterday or two days ago. Keeping it rather cryptic because I may be forced to speak ill of the dead at some point. I cant say that I knew this person very well at least not on a personal level but I find that of the many of us who came into regular contact with him over the course of the few years when he was in our lives we basically have pretty much the same thing to say about that individual; He was talented and smart but mean and cranky, scary (that was my contribution to the synopsis) and some of us still have terrible flashbacks of this individual.

Now I'm sure this is not the way that said individual would like to be remembered, in fact no one would but in our interactions that's just the way that person came across and some of us were indeed terrified of him.

To make penance for dissing the dead (yea I'm going straight to a cold place filled with country and western music, my version of hell, hey wait that could also be Western Canada) that doesn't mean that the person wasn't a nice person. I'm sure they may be many who had better interactions with the individual and who would wax on glowingly about the many contributions and positive influences he had on their lives and how he will be missed but for us whose only interactions were in that one particular situation over and over again for a number of years we all remember our own personal interaction and how it just wasn't the best.

Makes you wonder though how people will remember you once you're gone though doesn't it? When I go will folks be thinking man I hated that dude with his wack jokes, I'm glad he's gone or will they be honestly missing me (goes back to the poem I guess) or will they be saying J who? I kind of remember him, lol.

Because like I've said before regardless of how highly you think of yourself and your contribution on this here ball of spinning rock at some point you all have to die and life, friends, family, work etc will go on without you. No matter how much you're missed things just wont stop because of the lack of your presence. No matter how much you may think the world revolves around you your deaths will not stop it spinning, will not stop flowers from blooming or the sun from rising in the morning. You are here for but a moment and then you're out. poof!

So does it matter how you're remembered as long as you do what you set out to do and kept it real with yourself?

I mean lets face it no matter how much you try everyone will not like you, everyone will not get you, everyone will not want to be your friend. Ask Jesus if you don't believe me. So do you change so that more people like you or so that you have a more positive impact on others, so that more people will find you to be a nice person rather than be scared or hate you? Or do you just keep doing you and hopefully someone out there gets it and there will be at least one person who misses you when you go. Actually when you're dead do you really care if anyone misses you?

I don't know I aint got the answers to that. Well I do (for myself at least) but y'all need to figure it out for yourselves. :-)

15 comments:

solitaire said...

I often wonder what will be said at my funeral... and I know that life will go on if I die. Things shouldn't stop. If my parents die before me, of course it's going to hurt like heck but they wouldn't want me to stop living. If anything, they would want me to keep on going, aim higher, until I see them again when Jesus comes back.

Big N said...

I hope they say something good...

Anonymous said...

JDid, people are who they are. I agree with you...even the most congenial of people will have folks who don't like them. I can think of a couple of people who I feel dislike me...though I have never done dem nutten...their body language alone in my presence can tell me this...and I not looking to become any big friend with them.

However, I think (and would like to think that I am correct in saying so) that most of the people with whom I come into regular contact...family, friends, co-workers, patients will say that I was OK...dem don't have to say I perfect, cause none of us is.

I have thought about what will happen the day of my funeral. My idea is that my spirit will be there mingling amongst all the attendees...hearing what they have to say and so on....so if anybody going come and bad mout me at mi funeral...beware....my duppy might jus tell you two good claat! ;-)

Good post. Dr. D.

Angel said...

I honestly don't mind if people don't like me. In most of my experiences, no one's ever hated me, but most of the negativity is channeled through insults or rude comments about my faith and what I believe in. And when it comes down to that, I don't really care about other people's opinion of my life... now, or after I've died. 'Cause in the end, no one in this world is doing the ultimate judging, the one that counts.

Brother OMi said...

i agree with Angel. i could care less. i am not saying i go around pissing people off. i try to reach out to alot of folks but i don't like you, oh well, two tears in a bucket...

i remember a while back i was asked to write an obituary. i never thought about it even though i came to grips with death decades ago.

i understand that i cannot satisfy everyone. i don't try to . some people i will piss off severely (like the other day)...

as long as my children remember me , i am good.

Jdid said...

@soli - agreed
@big N - what if they dont?
@Dr D - yea everyone cant like you regardless of how good a person you are. If ya too good they will say ya think ya too good or you a goody two shoes lol. someone will find something to not like you about.
@angel - true that
@iselfra - agreed

Jdid said...

to add to what iselfra said I think you just got to be yourself. you cant go changing so folks will like you but at the same time you try to not leave a negative impression as you go. Even if what you're trying to achieve isnt understood if your goals are righteous I think its alright.

Don Tate II said...

I remember when my grandmother passed just a few years ago. I thought the world would have stopped spinning. It didn't, life continued on(out side of immediate family) as though the world hadn't noticed. That bothered me. And opened my eyes.

Don Tate II said...

I remember when my grandmother passed just a few years ago. I thought the world would have stopped spinning. It didn't, life continued on(out side of immediate family) as though the world hadn't noticed. That bothered me. And opened my eyes.

4panist said...

well you have all officially depressed me. Not that I think that I will live forever, or that people I love will always be here, but that was a slap of reality on a wednesday afternoon. oh well. Funny enough, I often think about my own mortality in the work place. It goes like this "no point in killing myself with work and stress cause they'll just replace me in a minute."

courtneyelizabeth said...

i wonder what folks would say about me.....i know at my dad's funeral, there were so many people we'd never even met before......so many people he helped...

Abeni said...

I don't really care because it is not as if I would be hearing it anyway.As long as I try to be a good person and help others less fortunate than myself then I would feel satisfied with my life.

Lene said...

I'm the type of person when either you like me alot, or you are waiting for a chance to stab me.

I hope the nice people outnumber the haters at my funeral. If the haters do pop out, I will come back as a duppy and push dey asses into the grave. hahahahaha

I will speak ill of the dead if they were assholes when they were alive. Why should I respect them now? I dont wish death on anyone, but I wont change my opinion of a fool if they suddenly kick the bucket. Call me callous, fucked in the head, whatever.

Do people feel sorry for fuckin Hitler when he died, just because he died? HELL NO. Same applies for everyone else then....

Mad Bull said...

You know, this same thought occurred to me recently, though I can't quite remember why... basically, if my peeps remember me fondly (even for a little bit) then I'm good.

I don't expect too many to remember me for very long still, as I haven't done anything fantastic, and I've met a lot of nice people who no one (but their peeps)seem to remember in two months, so...

Jdid said...

@Don tate - yep, in a situation like that it just puts so much in perspective. you've lost someone so close and are going through such personal turmoil yet outside a limited few everything just goes on as if nothings changed.
@4panist - sorry about depressing you
@courtney - well with any luck folks will say good stuff
@abeni - true
@starfoxx - yea I think you got to be honest and if someone was a punk in life dont pretend like they were the greatest person when they're dead
@mad bull - you might be suprised at who remembers you and how long.