Camouflage Sundays aka War

My band is having a couple of blockos so just passing on this flyer. and for the record no I wont be playing this year.


Many have been asking if Afropan will be having their annual "Afropan and Friends Blocko". The answer is YES!

This Sunday we celebrate Camouflage Sunday's starting at 6pm at the foot of Jefferson Ave, just south of King, the band will be performing and some special guests have been invited too.
Year after year, it has grown bigger and better. Come and take a lime. Invite your friends and family. Oh by the way, for those of you who have never been to an Afropan Blocko-
IT'S FREE

This years presentation by Afropan is called "IS WAR". And if you wear any type of Army gear you might be honoured in the photo gallery of Afropan's website.

Wedding video

So I went to my boy's wedding on Saturday. Pretty cool event if I do say so.

Came to the conclusion that men dressed up, especially in suits, are to women what women in bikinis are to men. Discuss amongst yourselves. That's my excuse for not wearing suits. I'm trying not to be a piece of meat, lol. :-)

Anyway, before the ceremony started, as the videographers and photogs set up their angles for all the wedding shots I had this conversation with my wife.

Me: hey what happened to our wedding photos anyway?
Wife: Oh they're upstairs in a box.
Me: Oh is the wedding video up there too?
Wife: No the video is downstairs in the den
Me: Oh Ok.
Wife: Don't tell me you want to finally watch the wedding video?
Me: Naa, why would I, I was there. Actually yea maybe I should watch it, see what really happened, get some perspective. You've watched it right?
Wife: No, why would I watch it? I was there. I don't want to watch it I know how the story ends. Its like Titanic, you know the ship's going to sink in the end so why watch it.

Maybe you'll get it, maybe not but it was really funny to me at the time.

Good ol Satan Clause

ya wretch ya I ketch ya!

Isn't there an infinitely satisfying feeling when you can prove that someone is a moron. Ok maybe moron is a harsh word but lets just say doesn't it feel good to be able to bring some folk down a peg.

Like for a while you have this sneaking suspicion that someone is clueless but you just don't have the evidence for conviction. They throw their so-called competence at you, insisting to be heard and demanding respect but yet your spider sense is tingling like crazy saying something's not exactly what it seems like right here. They're trying to pull the wool over your eyes, they're bluffing, they are pretending to be what they are not.

You also get the impression that they are trying to pull themself up by making you look silly or by making a point about frivolous issues but you play along since you don't consider yourself infallible, above making a mistake, while simultaneously you play it off graciously thinking no big deal anyways or like Redman would say whatever man.

And then cue Ryan Toby singing oh happy day you finally have clear, convict-able in a court of law, irrefutable proof that they were wrong and you were right. Clouds part, sun shines, Angels on harps sing the Hallelujah chorus and you develop this really big smile which you have the hardest time hiding.

And while you may not actually be able to do a touchdown style celebration or a Tiger Woods fist pump and it would be wrong to cc everyone on the email you're sending which should start ' no ya blasted jackass' but unfortunately cannot since that's not proper and all, you do have this warm feeling deep down inside knowing that you know and they know you know that they messed up and their ego is now severely deflated

This must be how policemen feel when they bust a previously untouchable suspect.

How sweet it is! Now pardon me while I close my office door and do a Joe Hallenbeck jig.


"There's not much more to tell than that. Water's wet, the sky is blue and ol' Satan Clause, Jimmy, he's out there and he's just getting stronger." Joe Hallenbeck

07/07/07

So yesterday was 07/07/07. Sort of in the trend of 06/06/06 and 05/05/05 which passed by in previous years but somehow different.

For one 7 is that supposedly magical mystical number. 7 wonders of the world, God created the world in 7 days (well six but he did relax on the 7th), best of 7 finals, 7 days in a week, David was the 7th son of Jesse, 7 deadly sins, 7 sacraments, the number of heavens in Islamic tradition, the number of notes in a traditional musical scale (ignoring sharps and flats), number of Harry Potter books, 7 days of Kwanzaa, the name of Erykah Badu and Andre 3000's child. Ummm well you get the picture.

So many folks place a lot of power in the number 7.

Yesterday being 07/07/07, a once in a lifetime event and luckiest of all falling on a Saturday meant that there were a ton of weddings as everyone wanted to tie their nuptials on that special day. Eva Longoria finally made Tony Parker Mr Desperate Housewife in what was probably the most noted nuptials of the day but besides them they were literally thousands who got married yesterday. That's pretty cool....well as cool as weddings can be. I mean don't get me wrong its not that I don't like weddings its just that I find that without fail they lead to the onset of chronic cases of marriage which can be a debilitating disease from which many never recover. Anyway that's another blog.

All I'm asking is that say two years from now someone does a study to see how many of those 07/07/07 couples have survived and whether that day was indeed such a lucky day. It would be curious to see what the results are regarding their rate of attrition. Will the divorce rate be indeed lower? Did getting married on that special day somehow impart more into the marriage and I don't mean more debt.

I've got my own opinion on what the results will be but I'll keep them to myself.

Notes from the NBA Draft

As usual I camped out in front of my television last night to take in the annual NBA draft. This is like one of my all-time favourite sporting events and its not even an actual game. Its just so much fun to watch franchises pick up players in an attempt to rebuild or revive their chances at winning a title. Trades are made, some players are chosen based solely on upside and you wonder what drugs certain GMs are on or how many blind men are in their scouting department. Dick Vitale gets all excited (actually I have an idea in my head for a reality series with Dick Vitale and Chuck Swirsky, I'm telling you its the bomb son!) and Steven A Smith looking to all the world like Ludacris' long lost twin strategically potificates in the exact tones of certain black preachers like Al Sharpton. All in all a fun time is had by all.

Alas my Raptors didnt have a pick this year so I cannot complain about how they made the wrong choice again like I did when they took Bargnani last year (maybe thats why they never returned my phone call inquiring about a potential spot in the front office) but at the least I can still share my thoughts on last nights proceedings.

- The picture to the side is that of Joakim Noah, the number 9 pick to Chicago. All I have to say is why does the man look like he just escaped from a clown car? If he doesn't already have a nickname I'm pushing for Sideshow Noah. Man that suit alone should have dropped his stock out of the top 10. It'd be like and with the number 9 Chicago selects....., What the !!! Wait a second Whats that he's wearing? Seersucker? Oh hell no! No no no, time out, time out! Can we have a minute to rethink this pick.

- This draft has got to be one of the first I've ever seen where pretty much every pick in the top 11 or 12 went as predicted in most of the mock drafts. Pretty amazing actually.

- I think I'm going to like Greg Oden. He's hilarious without even trying plus the cat has his own blog.

- Portland traded Zach Randolph. So now you have a young big man core of Oden, Lamarcus Aldridge (last years number 2) and Channing Fyre. Great move except not one of these guys can put the ball in the basket. You just gave up your 20 point a night player who's going to put up the points. Maybe there will be long term gains but in the short run its going to be rough especially playing in the West. Still I guess the young guys will have to develop.

- New York picked up Zach Randolph and only gave up Stevie Franchise and Frye. Great move .......except Randolph and Eddy Curry have got to be the two laziest big men in the league. Offensively it'll be raining buckets from those two but your defense will be as porous as a strainer. Oh and you just traded the one cat in Channing Frye that was the key to any other trades you might have made. You think you're going to get Kobe by offering Renaldo Balkman? ummm no. Oh and you just added more money to your salaries as usual. Does New York have never emptying coffers or what?

- Oh and New York grabbing Randolph just puts a damper on all the happy New York trade rumours this season with Kobe, Jermaine O'Neal, Rashard Lewis, Kevin Garnett and every other big priced, big name free agent or disgruntled wannabee traded star. That sucks the fun out of everything. Boooo!

- Corey Brewer went #7 and is listed at 6'7" 185 lbs. In comparison I'm 6' 1" 185 lbs. I am nowhere close to being built, actually I'm on the slim bordering skinny side so just how skinny is this Corey Brewer guy if he is 6 inches taller than me and the same weight? I've heard about starving students but the man must be all skin, sinew and elbows either that or he has hollow bones.

- Michael Jordan pulled off the steal of the draft by trading his number 8 pick for Jason Richardson. And we said this guy wasn't a real GM. Guess this means Golden State is officially in the Kevin Garnett sweepstakes now!

- The Celtics traded for Jesus Shuttlesworth my bad I mean Ray 'He got Game' Allen. So now they have Paul Pierce and Ray Allen. That's like the Nets with Vince and Richard Jefferson except Boston doesn't have a Jason Kidd to get them the ball. You think Al Jefferson's going to develop when he's fighting for the ball with both Pierce and Allen? Way to go Boston!

-Atlanta drafted another top 10 big man. Hmmm don't they do this every year. Man this is like Deja Vu. At some point they're going to have to trade that glut of forwards.

- Chicago picked up Sideshow Noah to go along with Ben Wallace (I sense a crazy hair competition in the making), PJ Brown and Tyrus Thomas. 4 big power forwards who cant shoot worth a damn. You'll out-rebound every other team in the league but on offense why is the other team even bothering to guard your 4 and 5? I've got a trade for you. Chicago's got big men who play defense and rebound but cant score, New York's got big men that can score but don't play defense. Work with me here people.

- Milwaukeee drafted Chinese big man Yi Jianying (pronounced EE te-anne li-anne). The man has basically said he didn't want to play in Milwaukee (who would) so this could turn into a Steve Francis rejecting the Vancouver Grizzlies thing. Plus isn't he a 4? If he stays does this mean you have given up on Charlie V? If so can we have him back cause I'm still mad that the Raptors traded him last year even though I'll admit it worked out.

King James Version

Ok, so this one is a bit late but it's been lurking in my head for weeks if that counts for anything.

The NBA playoffs are over, congrats to the San Antonio Spurs, and the NBA draft and silly season aka the off-season, where the trade rumors multiply almost exponentially on a daily basis, is upon us.

They say it was one of the most boring finals and that may be true not just because the Cleveland Cavs team was one of the weakest finalists in years but also because the vastly superior Spurs played down to their level and actually kept the series scores closer than they should have ever been. It could easily have been 4 straight complete blowouts if the Spurs had stayed focused instead of lapsing and allowing games 3 and 4 being as close as they were. The Spurs would play great in spurts, then realize they weren't playing against the Phoenix Suns or another elite team and start to coast on cruise control giving the Cavs a brief glimmer of hope and some viewers the belief that maybe the Cavs actually had a chance or were actually close to being an elite team.

I say not. As mentioned above the Cavs were one of the weakest teams I've ever seen in a finals. To be honest though Iverson's 76ers, finalists back in 2002 were probably as bad. Built around the same premise with a lone superstar and a complete bunch of scrubs they yet still managed to not get swept that series against theLakers of Shaq and Kobe. The complete single mindedness and resolute determination of Iverson managed to get them a lone win.

Well Lebron really ain't no Iverson ...yet in terms of willing a team to a win despite the game 5 heroics vs Detroit so his squad got swept.

Frankly, I blame this whole Cavs in the finals debacle all on the Chicago Bulls. If they had won that game against New Jersey on the last day of the season, the Cavs would have had a harder road to the finals playing Miami in the first round and possibly Detroit in the second and if they ever got that far Chicago in the conference finals. Plus my Raptors would have ended up playing the Wizards instead of New Jersey and might have actually made the second round. Damn you Chicago!. They (the Cavs ) would have never made it past all three of those teams. As it stands though they ended up having easy early round opponents in an injury depleted Washington and a so so New Jersey squad and then managed to get past a completely self destructing Detroit. Oh well Que Sera Que Sera!

What bugged me the most about the NBA finals though was not the standard of play on display but the premature coronation of Lebron James as the new King. I'll be honest I'm not his biggest fan so maybe I'm being a bit harsh and he was amazing in game 5 against the Pistons so maybe I should cut him some slack but.....

From the time the Cavs made the finals the talk was all about Lebron and his ascendancy. Yes I realize that the NBA needs or thinks they need that one uber-star, or superstar of superstars, for marketing purposes and its been devoid of one since Jordan took flight into the sunset over Washington a few years ago but why oh why must they keep trying to push force ripe superstars on us?

Lebron is good, possibly great even, but get over it people he is not Michael Jordan and he wasn't going to win against the Spurs. His willpower and mind state aren't there yet. He won against the Pistons or rather the Pistons lost mainly because the Pistons fell apart rather than any real supremacy of the Cavs squad. In the finals Tim Duncan and his crew of focused professionals were not about to let themselves fall apart and be upset like the Pistons were meaning the Lebrons just didn't stand a chance.

It was so annoying listening to the commentators push Lebron as the best thing since sliced bread when in truth they should have been telling us about how much help he really needs and how devoid of a second option his squad is, leaving everything on his broad but somewhat incapable shoulders (at least in the finals).

The commentators failed in this aspect hoping that he could somehow pull off the impossible against the Spurs. And when I say he I don't mean his team I literally mean he, Lebron, one man vs the Spurs because when you look at his teammates there wasn't much to write home about amongst the group. Marshall, Snow, Hughes, Ilguyskas, Gooden, Varejao etc are all bits and pieces players. Even the few who may have at earlier points in their career stepped up on other teams are now shells of themselves or perhaps overawed to be in Lebron's presence. In essence they sucked!

It was left to rookie Daniel Gibson to inject some life into the supporting cast and he really isn't that good.

But if the story is told truthfully and one really looks at the history of the NBA finals one gets a different story to what the numerous commentators were pushing. No matter what the hype NBA finals have never really been about one man.

Since Jordan has retired the teams that have won titles have won on the strength mainly of good all around teams anchored by a good if not great big man not anchored by solo swingman acts. The Spurs have Duncan and all stars in Ginobli and Parker, the three-peating Lakers had Shaq and Kobe, the Pistons had a starting 5 of potential all-stars including the two Wallaces up front even Wade although he was the superstar on the Miami Heat squad last year still had a decent enough Shaq and to a lesser extent Mourning to ease things for him a bit. The swingmen and guards may get all the glory and were integral parts but it wasn't a one man against a team thing. they all had competant big men teammates.

Then lets go back to the 90s, where as far as titles go the Pistons won one, Bulls won 6, Houston won 2 and Spurs one. Lets ignore the Spurs, Houston and Pistons wins since for the most part these teams fit the mould of the teams with good big men that have been winning in this decade and focus on Jordan's Bulls.

Jordans Bulls won 6 titles in the 90s broken up into two three-peats. There is no denying that Jordan was definitely a singular talent in his heyday but .......

The myth though is that on Jordan's strength alone his teams won their titles. Absolute hogwash! The Bulls knew the strength of having a team and especially of having excellent big men. Think about it. For the first three titles (91-93) pre-first retirement Jordan had a great swingman in perennial allstar Scottie Pippen, a decent point guard in BJ Armstrong and a premier rebounder and all defensive team power forward in Horace Grant along with decent role players like John Paxson, Stacey King and Bill Cartwright.

For his second batch of three championships (96-98) Jordan didn't exactly ride as solo as they would wish you to believe either. He had Pippen again, and a bit past his prime but still decent Ron Harper at point guard and one of the greatest rebounders of all time in Dennis Rodman, (ignore the off-court antics) at Power Forward. Then he had Tony Kukok, Steve Kerr, Bison Dele and other decent players.

Jordan was hardly playing one man against five here folks. Thats not to take anything away from his will and determination which were second to none in that era but lets just realize that its a myth to think that he was the only star on the court in a Bulls uniform when they won their titles. Bulls management was smart enough to surround him with, get this novel concept, a team something one hopes the Cavs management will clue into.

So I just wrote all that to say no matter how good Lebron is he will never win or rather it will be extremely difficult for him to win without a decent team supporting him and its wrong to accelerate his ascendacy and fill the airwaves with so much hyperbole when you know he and his squad still have quite a ways to go. Jordan for all his greatness could not have won with this asembled Cavs team. If you dont believe me look up the Jordan rules and see how hard it was for Jordan acting as one man army to get past the then dominant Detroit Pistons of Isiah Thomas and Joe Dumars. The myth that is Jordan will have you believing that he could accomplish the impossible and to some intent it almost appears thus, but the truth is as great as he was in order to win his championships he needed help. Help which management graciously provided.

Why

Discuss amongst yourselves.

A New Zealand couple want to name their child 4real. The authorities thankfully blocked it. Cause ya know if this went through the flood gates are open and children names getting even more ridiculous.

An Indian doctor allowed his 15 year old son to perform a C-section on a patient because he wanted the boy to get into the Guinness book of World Records. All I'm saying is that woman had to be alone and seriously drugged up or stupid cause I know I wasn't letting no 15 year old operate on anyone that family to me.

Anyway the world has gone mad. That's all for now folk.

The real black Frank White

Nope it wasn't Biggie and he wasn't the King of New York. (in case you're not familiar Christopher Wallace aka Notorious B.I.G also went by the nickname Frank White after the character in the movie King of New York)

Read this yahoo excerpt:
A man widely believed to be the model for the smiling chef on Cream of Wheat boxes finally has a grave marker bearing his name.

Frank L. White died in 1938, and until this week, his grave in Woodlawn Cemetery bore only a tiny concrete marker with no name. ..........He discovered that White was born about 1867 in Barbados, came to the U.S. in 1875 and became a citizen in 1890.

So wait you mean the Cream of Wheat man was bajan? Good for him, way to go!

But you know as with all discoveries this just led to more and more questions since that article really didn't tell us too much about the man.

Anyway me and my friend Bajansistren end up having a serious discussion as to who this Frank White fella really was and after some digging and research we come up with a fictional account of the late great Frank White and well since I already big up Uncle Ben and he wasn't bajan well why not Mr Cream of Wheat right?

The account is as follows:

Frank Lionel White also known as Frankie or Sprats was born in Barbados on May 21st 1867. The second son of Ernesta and Rufus White of Eagle Hall Cross Roads, Frank was a precocious child, or to be more specific and bajan; he did real, real hardears!

Times were tough for the White household as Rufus was without a trade, having been let go from several apprenticeship positions for playing the fool on the job, and now refused to work in the cane fields claiming "he really couldn't deal with all dat hard work and sweating up heself". Meanwhile poor Ernesta kept on getting pregnant year after year. Frank was the fifth child of that union.

Rufus was a dreamer. Big dreamer. He had nuff talk about opening his own business and becoming rich enough to buy 40 acres of land that he could pass on to his offspring. He was however getting desperate as the bajan landscape didn't seem to offer him enough scope to advance as a black man with limited skills.

So Rufus decided to seek his fortune in America! Ernesta protested but given the choice between raising 5 children on her own in Barbados or following Rufus and his crazy scheme to New York she followed.

In America, New York to be exact, times were rough. What with the acclimatisation to big city life and the cold, the entire family regretted the move initially. People there were strange and it was every man jack for himself. They found it especially difficult to adjust to the coldness of the people there. In Barbados, they were accustomed to friendly neighbours who might even offer them an extra breadfruit or ground provisions if they could spare it but in New York the next door neighbour might not even respond to something as simple as a call of good marning.

It was quite eye opening for the White family. ..........

Anyway let me fast forward to the section about Frank and the Cream of Wheat business.

Bajan historians have long pondered and asked (well long as in since last week when we find out the Cream of Wheat man was bajan) the question why wasn't more known about Frank and his exploits? It was especially difficult for black folks to get ahead back then so a man of such importance back in that day should have been feted and honored. It wasn't like Black people was on the cover of every box of food back then ya kno!. Uncle Ben was still a lad feeding rice grains to chickens in he mudda back yard and Aunt Jemima was simply Jemima, then a half foolishy girl, still knocking around the village waiting for her obzocky sister Clotilda to have some children so somebody would call she auntie.

So why wasn't Frank well known? I mean if his story had been told earlier who knows he could have even made the Bajan Heroes list.

Numerous theories abound.

Some have speculated that Frank was actually not the man on the cover of the Cream of Wheat box but extensive research and comparison of other known photos of Frank to the Cream of Wheat box seem to conclusively prove that he is in fact the model for that image.

Many other have speculated that Frank was actually not a bajan but had been mistaken for one when an inquisitive newspaper journalist from the Chicago Herald overheard him using the word "pieca poppit" not knowing that Frank had picked up that phrase as well as others such as "ruff dry", "poo sharking" and "backtofront" from an ex girlfriend in New York, Clemantina Small originally from Chimboraza in St Joseph, Barbados.

There was also a theory floating around which had recently gained steam that Frank had been a field hand who had run away from the initial farm labor program and was illegal in the U.S but our research showed that this was false as there is extensive proof to show that he had indeed arrived in 1875 with Rufus, Ernesta and four siblings.

Well we are now able to put all the rumor and speculation to rest. Here is the true story!

After extensive digging of our own we are proud to report that Frank was indeed bajan. Our research however exposed the fact that Mr White sadly was an illegal immigrant in the US. His father, Rufus, had simply told authorities that they were on a shopping trip to New York and the family had never left after their two week visitors visa was up, moving from residence to residence to avoid immigration authorities.

When this revelation about the White family was announced speculation abounded that the good folk at Cream of Wheat in an act of generosity has sponsored Frank for his Green card. Sadly this is not true and Frank spent all of his days in the US as an illegal alien.

How did Frank end up on the cover of the Cream of Wheat box you ask? Well the truth of the matter is that Frank had unwittingly allowed his image to be captured by a roadside artist not knowing his plans for the drawings. After later asking and finding out what the artist's plans were a terrified Frank had pleaded with one Abraham S Johnson, the freelance artist working on behalf of Cream of Wheat to not submit his image as he didn't want it to become well known.

Johnson, a reasonable man, agreed to Frank's request and instead submitted another image, that of one Phillip Augustus Monroe (PAM), a white Anglo Saxon from Lower Manhattan to the company for publishing but upper management were not too keen on Monroe's look owing to the lazy eye which Johnson's image had maybe a bit too accurately captured.

Archives do show that a few hundred boxes were created with Monroe's image on the cover but the company horrified at the look shipped them all off to feed troops stationed in East Borneo. So few of the PAM boxes remain that some believe there are a myth. However serious cereal box collectors know that those boxes did exist and PAM boxes are considered an extremely rare and valuable collectible today.

So Johnson still trying to make some money and salvage something out of the debacle of the PAM boxes reneged on his word to Frank and eventually submitted his image. It was universally loved by the company and Frank White's image became synonymous with the Cream of Wheat brand in a short space of time.

In light of this Frank beat a hasty retreat after that disappearing for years at a time reappearing every now and then with a beard or a moustache or anything that would not cause him to be directly identified with the Cream of Wheat man.

There is more about how Frank avoided the immigration authorities but I wont go into it here.

These revelations about Mr Frank White all make sense though because historians were always bothered by certain details of the story. They were always flummoxed and puzzled as to what kind of Bajan would achieve an honour like being on the cover of the Cream of Wheat box and not shout down the whole world to let them know he had arrived. It just did not make any sort of sense given what bajan people are like. This was one of the reasons that had given rise to the speculation that Frank wasn't bajan.

No bajans like to talk and big up themselves nuff. And even if Frank hadn't used his new found celebrity to pick up girls or held some sort of big fete in celebration at the very least his proud mother Ernesta would have written a letter or two home to some of the relations to let them know that lil hardears Frank turn into a somebody and she was real, real proud! From there it would only have been a matter of time before family like third cousin twice removed Gerald Carter was pontificating on Frank's achievements at a local rum shop in an attempt to get a free white rum or two from some of the regulars and so on and so on until Frank's fame would have been known island wide.

No Frank was clearly hiding something and that is why his story went unknown for so many years. He was in fact on the run from immigration and he truly regretted letting Johnson take that image for the Cream of Wheat box for the rest of his life.

Anyway if you are anxious to learn more about Frank L White and other stalwarts of the cereal business please buy my upcoming text Cream of Wheat, Rice Pudding and Corn Meal Pap - Ma wha fa eat available at Chapters, Barnes & Nobles and other bookstores near you.

Crazy Kid

Happy Fathers Day

Overheard at Barbados on the Water yesterday.

"I would really like to know who he owner is doah. Chupse! Running up and down the place so. This is the third time he almost lik me down. He want sum good liks!"

Stranger than Fiction

Two strange stories caught my attention on Monday. Not sure if you heard about them but I thought if you didn't then I'd share.

The first one related to the death of a female athlete due to an overdose of anti-inflammatory cream. In other words the young lady died from using too much Bengay.

Dr. Ronald Grelsamer of Mount Sinai Medical Center said Newman had a very abnormal amount of methyl salicylate in her body.

"She either lathered herself with it, or used way too much, or she used a normal amount and an abnormal percentage was absorbed into her body," he said.

Its a sad story but at the same time I just find myself asking the question how much Bengay does one need to rub down with in order to O.D on that stuff. I mean she must have been bathing or swimming in that chemical or something. They said she was using like three different products with the chemical in it. I'm thinking ya know if you need to use that much of the stuff on your aching muscles then its probably safer to just stop doing whatever is making them ache so much until your body can heal on its own.

The second story relates to two officials in China who got jailed after they allowed a blind contractor to construct a bridge which eventually fell down.

Huh! Blind contractor? OK now my first thought was if ya was a crooked politician trying to siphon off some funds for your pocket you could at least come up with something better than a blind contractor as an excuse for why the bridge fall down. I mean if ya need some help I'm sure one of those crooked poli-trick-sions we got in the Caribbean could give ya a tip or two.

Then the next question was the obvious. But wait how he could be building a bridge if he blind? I mean even if the man did name Matt Murdock or he was having Inner Visions like Stevie this still wouldn't make any sense.

I mean I know they say if you lose one sense the others become sharper but still! I mean if every blind man could build a bridge then that would got to be real easy to do.

Plus this situation just gives rise to so many questions? Does he check all the work by touch? Did he just become recently blind? If so did he do this work before the incident of blindness set in? How easy is it to slack off if he's your boss on the construction site? Was he born blind and just using his imagination to construct the bridge like "in my mind this is what I think a bridge should look like and he really constructing a tunnel or something so and no one ain't feel to tell him different."

Seriously have you ever heard anything as crazy as this?

Not Classy to Ashy

"Seen crying her rich little eyes out in Court, Paris Hilton cried out for her mommy before being lead off to her jail cell. "

So I guess in all this hoopla I am supposed to feel sorry for her right? Poor little spoilt rich girl. Cuhdear!

And I guess because she cried and bawled for mommy and because she thinks the 45 day sentence is unfair I should have some sympathy as if people with real sentences and real beefs with their verdicts don't also get sent to jail.

Sorry Paris I just don't have that sympathy or compassion to spare right now. You did the crime you man up to the sentence.

First off, it isn't like you're in a real jail anyways. You're in your own cell, no cellmate, in a nice little club-fed like jail. Ain't not one shank within 20 miles of that joint. But I guess coming from where you are coming from this must be the scariest place you've ever had to stay overnight.

So you somehow finagled yourself out of the sentence into house arrest. The sheriff said you were sick and released you. That's one of the slickest escapes I've seen since Bo and Luke were escaping the Hazzard County jail on the daily. Ah ha! I always wondered where Roscoe P Coldtrain went after the show, I guess he was reincarnated as Sheriff Lee Baca. Probably didn't hinder your release that your grand daddy Warbucks contributed to the Sheriff's election either. What do they say? One hand washes the other?

But seriously don't you see how commuting your sentence to house arrest is just like letting you off scotch free? I mean house arrest is cool when the person is confined to a small apartment or 2 bedroom house or something but house arrest in your ridiculous mansion? How many rooms y'all got in that joint? Come on now, that spot is probably as big as some entire parishes in the Caribbean. Giving you house arrest is like giving you a vacation at home. You could call in the rest of the 'non talented or famous for not doing a damn thing useful' crowd and party for a whole month.

The media seems to want us to pity your situation. The judge is being too harsh, he needs to be lenient, he's targeting you, they are trying to make an example of celebrities. Whatever! It might be true or it might not be true but look you thought you were above the system. You thought well hell I get away with my wild behavior all the time, my exhibitionist ways, showing off my privates in public, my tirades, my drunken exploits. Its what America no cut that what the world expects of me, Paris.

Well looks like its time to pay the piper.

So that I'm sick get me out of jail card doesn't gain any sympathy over here. Sorry when someone is sick in jail they get sent to the infirmary not home. Hell even pregnant women don't get sent home from jail, they deliver right there behind bars. Sick isn't a get out of jail free card. Please!

The funniest thing that I read though was this comment that I saw on Friday:"Friends said that she was not eating or sleeping in jail, and that she had been crying a lot. Some reports suggested that this was because she had not been allowed to wax or use moisturiser. Others claimed she was on the verge of a breakdown. "

In another report they also claimed she was suicidal.

Well pardon me! You mean to tell me that lack of moisturizer can lead to a breakdown and suicidal thoughts? If that's the case then they best not run out of soap up there at that prison or Paris will be a goner for sure.

But think about it how sweet is your life if ashiness is the major problem depressing you? Not money, not mortgage or car payment, not illness or family drama or work stressing you but moisturising you skin. Damn that must be nice but again its not the type of thing likely to gain sympathy from me or the general public.

Still I guess I learnt something new today. All these Anti-depression drugs like Zoloft, Xanax and Prozac that people wasting their money on all their mental problems would be easily resolved instead if we only just gave them some Vaseline Intensive Care lotion to relieve their ashiness. Forget Global Warming and all that's silliness we as a people must ban together and battle the spread of that insidious scourge ashiness. Share the moisturizing cream with those less fortunate and more ashy.

What the world needs now is lotion, just lotion.

Abduction

This story made me laugh this morning.

Saw it as a breaking news story on TV last night and thought I hope they solve this. Witnesses saw a scruffy looking man dragging a 4 year old girl through a wooded area and alerted police. They then staged a massive manhunt assuming that the girl was abducted. Last night's scenes showed tens of police beating the bush looking for this alleged criminal and the lost girl.

Then when ya hear the shout the girl ain't get no abducted or kidnapped. The scruffy looking man was her father.

Well to me it was good for a laugh.

Cant blame the witnesses they did what they thought was right. Cant blame the police either they responded and didn't take chances. I blame the lil girl cause if she was behaving sheself the scruffy looking father wouldn't have to drag she along anyplace.

But how scruffy is scruffy that people wouldn't think you are the father and report you to police? I want to know cause I feel something like that could easily happen to me.

Sooner or later somebody going say "Police look I see a scruffy looking black man pushing a stroller in Scarborough wid a chile crying and de chile doan look nuttin like he. He look suspicious too. I feel he kidnap de people chile!"

Next thing ya know task force and all sorta police wid big guns AK-47s and Bazookas chase me down, surround me an shoot me cause dem mistake de straw in my Tim Hortons ice-cap for a 9 millimeter or something equally ridiculous.

Wunnah may laugh but dat could happen.

See how children duz get ya in trouble?

Body Slam

Boy this fella Akon could only be a good pieca idiot!

I mean he get cuss out good and proper fa wukkin up on the young under-age girl in Trinidad just last month or so and now he back in the news for stupidness again.

How he going to throw a fan off the stage just so?

Look try and Google or youtube the video for yourself but I watched it last night and all I can say is now I can see why he had to sing lyrics like "I'm locked up, they wont let me out" cause for right now I feel they shouldn't have let you out in the first place. At least not without some sort of psychological evaluation.

I mean regardless of what the fan said to you how are you going to invite the man up on stage and then without warning do your best imitation of the WWF and just up and fling the man into the crowd? What kind of stupidness that is?

And what is Akon's problem with picking up people? First it was the young girl who he fling round all over the stage like she was a rag doll now he lifts up this guy and throw him down bram! just like a big bag of cement. Look man behave yourself people aren't inanimate objects that you can just do them sort of things too.

But you ain't got nuh sorta sense man? The Trinidad thing cost you sponsorships and tour dates and all sort of money and now you get a lil pieca stage time here and this is how you behave? Plus if you're going do these sorts of things why would you do them in places where people got a million cameras? I was able to watch you throw the man offstage from at least 4 different angles last night without even doing a serious search for it. You aint realize that every time you perform somebody nowadays duz got a camera phone, a video camera, a tv camera sometimes even a pinhole camera aimed at ya. And once they got you on film you cant deny and say i wasn't you that do the deed.

Looka boy I don't know what wrong with you but try and disappear for a while cause you getting out of hand plus your voice starting to get on my nerves like Rihanna's Um-ba-rella. Go and seek salvation or something cause you really need the lord.

eediat ting dat!

How the world gone mad! (this is like 5 posts in one so feel free to leave me 5 times the comments)

Chapter 1: All we certain of is that he's dead.
Ya mean to tell me that three months later they are going to come out and tell me that Bob Woolmer wasn't murdered? Chupse! You know how bad that murder business did look on the Caribbean and the World Cup and now you're saying it was natural causes? Chupse! Ya mean people was speculating about betting mafias, Muslim and Hindu extremists, strangulation, secret poisons, hitmen and everything under the sun and all for nothing. You know how many blog posts I waste on Woolmer and how much words other people waste on this case plus nothing to talk about the damage this cause to reputations and the like? And ya know people going say the Caribbean police ain't up to the mark but the pathologist that start the ball rolling on this murder thing ain't West Indian, the Jamaican police inspector in charge wasn't West Indian either plus the Jamaican police had call in Scotland Yard. You know Scotland Yard? Dem fellas that used to link up with Sherlock Holmes and could solve a murder just by looking at the sweat under a hat rim and a shadow somebody left in the back yard. Dem fellas supposed to be good man. How come they couldn't tell we from every since that the man wasn't murdered?

Eediat ting dat!

Chapter 2: Terror in the skies
I guess by now everybody's heard about this joker with the TB who flew all over the Western world. Andrew Speaker knew he was sick with TB yet he chose to fly all the way to Greece for his wedding. Then even though officials there told him to stay put cause he was infected with a strain resistant to the usual drugs he flew all the way back via Prague to Canada then drove to the US for treatment claiming that he was afraid that if he stayed over in Europe he would have died.

Chupse! You ever hear such stupidness? You know how many people this man could have infected? Bin Laden would be recommending he for awards for the damage he could have inflicted! Speaker is on a bunch of planes with hundreds of passengers going all over the world, then he gets off in Montreal and drives down to the US likely stopping at a couple of Tim Hortons on the way. You know how many people he could have possibly come into contact with and spread his disease? (I mean even the smallest Tim Hortons does have like 200 people lined up for a double double and a donut when the morning come.)

The Authorities always chatting about Al Quida and Iran and Iraq doing biological warfare but this man could have played Typhoid Mary on a global scale and set off a new black plague or super epidemic that could have wiped out a significant chunk of the Western World.

Homeland security running down every man jack with a tan, we worrying bout Chicken flu, and people still ain't coming back to Toronto since CNN & BBC bad mouth we bout the lil SARs outbreak 4 years ago that get blown out of proportion meanwhile this clown running about the place free as a bird with a disease that if it turned into an epidemic could have made 9/11 look like a lil nail juk.

And then on top of that now he got the nerve to talk about he sorry. Sorry! Sorry doesn't begin to excuse your actions. Man if I had been on a plane with him during this affair I would be now looking to lick he down with two big rocks or getting my Chuck Fender on (gash dem & light dem).

Talk about absolutely selfish.

Now he's complaining about why they have armed guards at his hospital door? Well my boy its because you run around the place even though they told you to stay put and you endangered thousands of lives. You my man are a threat to society and if there was any real justice in this world they would lock you away for a good long time.

Oh and the icing on the case is that he's done completely screwed up his father in law cause how it going to look that he had TB and run around so when the father-in-law is a TB expert. Way to get in with the in-laws Andrew!

Eediat ting dat!

Chapter 3: The Rundown
Speaking of in-laws. Then there is this incident. Some sort of Sri Lankan on Sri Lankan violence in Toronto. This high school kid has been seriously targeted. First allegedly some of the guys from his school threw a Molotov cocktail through the window of his home. They missed him but his mother and sister both got injured with his mother still in hospital now with serious burn injuries.

Now as if that wasn't bad enough the father of the girl he's been dating tries to run both him and the girl over.

Sorry to tell you this my yout but you my friend are snakebit. You need to keep a low profile. And if I was someone who knew you I would be trying to keep my distance too cause I ain't sure what will happen next with you. You wearing a target and I ain't want to be anywhere close to you.

The eediat ting award in this story though goes to the father who tried to run down this lad and his own daughter. My man I could understand that you vex that this guy going out with your daughter but tell me how running over both of them solves anything? I mean maybe I might give you a pass if you were the TB fellow's father in law in the previous chapter cause his career might go through the Eedoes because his daughter marry a moron.

I might even give you a pass if you just run down the fella but once you added your daughter into the equation I got to seriously question your logic. Yes running her over gets rid of the dating problem but umm it also gets rid of your daughter. Did you stop and think about that. Hmmmm.

All I can say is that your head got to be bad my man.

Eediat ting that!

Chapter 4: Oops!
So Billy Donovan, former coach of the back to back NCAA champs the Florida Gators signs a big 27 Mil contract to move onto the NBA and coach the Orlando Magic and budding superstar Dwight Howard. Good move Mr Donovan. Lets look at it logically. You are at the top of your game having won two championships so nothing left to prove at the college level. Your star college players have all declared for this years NBA draft so next year in College ball the team will struggle. check! You're heading to the NBA the toppa toppa basketball league in the world and you're getting a pay raise. 27 Mil contact. Damn that's like Lotto money! Way to go Billy!

So you sign the contact on Friday and now its Monday and you decide you have made a mistake? Mistake? Guy they are paying you 27 Mil , to coach in the biggest league in the world. You have one of the better young big men on your new roster and a young team that made the playoffs this year, your old team is going to suck for a couple of years, you get to stay in Florida and if the Magic fire you you probably still get most of that money. Mistake, how could this be a mistake?

Now you are saying you want out and the Magic are saying if you want out they can sue you for breach of contract. So you're going from +27 Mil to negative money. Way to go Billy, way to go!

Eediat ting dat!

Chapter 5: Trini to the Bomb
Saturday at one of my myriad social events (and yes in case you wondered I hit up every last one of them and survived although at one event I was repeated attacked by a small child with a balloon sword) I heard about this alleged terror plot targeting JFK being perpetrated by some West Indian people. Guyanese and Trini apparently not that it matter which countries cause all a we is one and this is going to reflect badly on the region as a whole.

Apparently they had some plan to blow up something or the other at JFK and disrupt the flights. Serious business that!

Anyway two things about this alleged plot got me. First off one of the suspects is a former MP from Guyana. MP? You mean as in Member of Parliament? An elected official? I'm going to have to ask Guyana Gyal what kind of people them voting for down there cause I was really shocked that a fellow with them sort of credentials would do something so. I mean I know a lot of politicians aint really that bright but you really don't expect a fellow once he been involved in electoral politricks to turn terrorist.

Yes the Caribbean full of crooked politicians but most a them just trying to line their pockets quick before they get vote out they ain't trying to blow up nobody.

And then the other thing was that to show how stupid these wannabe terrorists were the biggest joke is that homeland security say that the plot wasn't even technically feasable. Chupse! So you mean you was plotting for a good long while, long enough for people to put you under surveillance, collect evidence and arrest you, and it turn out that the whole thing wouldn't even have worked if you had had the chance to execute it? Chupse! That is insult added to injury. That is like me sitting down here and get blueprints and safe cracking tools and hire getaway car and come up with a plan to go rob the bank on the corner and when ya hear the shout the bank on the corner been closed down for 5 years. Waste a damn time!

Shame on allya wannabe terrorists! Not only wunnah mek West Indians look bad but wunnah mek we look stupid stupid too! Before y'all start this thing somebody should have sent one of wunnah that email that been floating around about why West Indians cannot be terrorists.

Eediat ting dat!

Um-ba-rel-la

OK now bajan people don't get too upset wid muh.

Look I love the fact that Rihanna is bajan and that she's doing her thing. Much respect. I thought the debut album had nuff potential although I will argue that the sophomore attempt while doing just as well or better on the market left a bit to be desired in terms of the quality of work. To me it felt a bit rushed, not as focused or sharp as the debut but in this music game I guess you've got to be constantly pushing new material or the fickle teenagers and 18-34 demographic will forget about you in a hurry. Mind you, you can also annoy the hell out of the listeners with too much lackluster material too quickly. Ask Ja Rule.

So now she's prepping a third album. Third album in just about three years. Yes she's on Def Jam but does she have to release albums at the pace of the commercial rappers? I mean look at some of the guys on Def Jam who worked at that pace; DMX is out there somewhere getting arrested or high, Ja Rule fell off hard and even Luda is starting to sound a bit jaded.

Is Rihanna locked into a really bad contract and trying to fulfil her album requirements as soon as possible? Or are her handlers afraid that we'll forget about her, amidst all the young wannabe divas, if she's not constantly in our ears?

Anyways that's not even what I wanted to speak on. I know everyone must have heard Rihanna's Umbrella song by now. Its in constant rotation and from what I saw of the video its kind of hot too.

For me though I just want to say that while the song has a catchy tune it just seems like it has only one word....... Umbrella. And how do I put this tactfully? Rhianna singing that word Umbrella over and over is sort of annoying. (the sort of part was my attempt at tact in case you missed it) Especially as she pronounces it Um-ba-rel-la.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way?

All I'm asking is who pronounces Umbrella, Um-ba-rel-la? Anybody ever look at you and say 'buddy that rain just hit outta nowhere I could share that um-ba-rel-la with you?'

Where did she get that pronunciation from? That ain't even a word. I mean I could forgive her if she was speaking bajan and pronounced it 'am-brella' or something similar cause I would put that down to well she just throw in a lil' bajan thing there but Um-ba-rel-la? Which part she get this Um-ba-rel-la foolishness from? Aint no ba in umbrella. I know she couldnt learn nuttin so up Waterford. The word has two, sorry three syllables; Um-brell-a. Ain't no four syllables in there, no Um-ba-rel-la. I mean I hear 'bout Barbarella and Spindarella (not a fella but a girl dj) but never in my life about no um-ba-rel-la.

Looka Rihanna listen to me. Next time if ya cant pronounce it properly forget this Um-ba-rel-la foolishness stick ta what ya know and call um a parasol.

You dont know Jack!

Literally in my case.

So its been about two and a half years since we've been here in the new place in the borough that thinks its so tough that its got to be called Scar-borough. The toughness of Scarborough, the place where no one smiles well thats another blog in itself but lets just say in my opinion I'm completely surrounded by Plexi-glass thugs. (yo I need to copyright that term.)

Anyway where was I, oh yea, two and a half years living in the burbs. Yea dont get it twisted , the folks on the street in Scarborough may mean mug but this place is definetly the burbs. Ok maybe a bit of an edge every now and then to the burbs here but its burbs nevertheless.

Man, I'm still not a burbs guy, too much quiet makes me a bit uneasy like a calm before the storm. I'm always waiting for something crazy to jump off cause I think that the burbs lulls you into a false sense of security and then you're unprepared when the ruckus comes through.

Still my hood is pretty quiet and nice too I must say. My neighbors are very diverse and for the most part most of them are pretty cool. I kind of keep pretty much to myself still. Thats just my usual m.o. I do the pleasantries but its not like I'm stopping by to borrow a cup of sugar or gossip or anything. If I see you then I see you and wont be rude but thats about it. Most I've gotten into is conversations about the annoying raccoons or about lawns and gardens. Oh yea and now that we have a baby thats always a source of conversation too.

But onto Jack. Who's Jack? No not Jack Bauer. Jack's one of my neighbors a few doors down or so I thought.

Jack's a pretty cool guy. We say hi whenever we see each other and we may go over to each other and start a conversation. You know neighborly stuff. One year I was out raking the gazillion leaves that blow off the other side of the street onto my lawn and he even lent me his leaf blower. Pretty cool guy. Think he's got a snow blower too. Hmmm maybe I should get to know him better.

Anyway all that preamble to get to the meat of the story. Yesterday I'm out watering the garden (its all about putting my stamp on the flower beds this year) and Jack was out mowing. So he comes over and we get into a conversation. Its going pretty well and he's talking about work and stuff when he makes a comment referring to himself in the third person like 'they say Jack blah blah blah'. Only problem is, wait a second, did I hear correctly he didnt call himself Jack. He referred to himself by another name.

So now I'm standing there like ummm is that his middle name or something? Hmmm. I didnt ask any questions but I'm thinking oh oh I may have been calling this guy by the wrong name for the last two and a half years and wait a minute if he isnt Jack then who the hell is?

Still I play it off as we chat even though I find it a slight bit disturbing and meanwhile my brain is working furiously trying to decipher this event.

Conversation ends I go back inside still trying to figure it out. So my wife smart person that she is actually wrote down all the neighbor's names when we first moved in, mind you she thinks he's Jack too. Anyway she looks it up and what do you know his name isnt Jack after all.

Somehow for two and a half years we've both been calling this cat Jack and thats not his name? And he never said anything about it?

Hmmm well maybe he thinks that Jack is like a cool black term for friend or something. Or maybe he just thinks I'm an idiot (which is true). Whatever it is the whole episode thought me that I really didn't know Jack.

Now if I can only figure out where I got the name Jack from in the first place?

Scary

I wake up grateful that I'm breathin first
Cause dudes'll kill you, they don't need a reason first!
These ***** still hit em
They know the hood is too poor to hire CSI, and Gil Grissom

Ol School Mouse - Joe Budden

Not been in the blogging mood lately to be honest. Life's happening and I'm not really in a blogging zone.

But yesterday a 15 year old was gunned down in the halls of his high school here in the T.Dot and folks keep asking me what my thoughts are. I usually wait until all the info is in to process whats going on but this time I'll just shoot (bad but not intentional pun) without all the details so here goes.

On the one hand I wouldn't say that I was shocked that this occurred because black youth have been getting killed in Toronto at what to me is a ridiculous rate in the last couple of years but on the other hand I really feel for the loved ones of this lost one.

Cranky is surprised that no one saw anything or has come forward yet. Me not so much. The don't snitch, see n blind hear n deaf attitude is prevalent in Toronto as much as it is anywhere else in North America if not more much to my chagrin. Or maybe its just an atmosphere of fear where you keep quiet because there is threat of retaliation. I really cant say as I don't move in those circles. Whatever it is its a shame however you look at it.

From my perspective the story is also quite scary. Yes its really scary that this happened in a schools hallways and all but its also scary for another reason.

I used to worry about becoming a statistic a lot when I was a bit younger now I'm more afraid for my son. Yea he's still a baby but dammit if I ain't already fearful for his future. I mean its bad enough in my opinion raising black kids especially sons in this society where they are undermined, looked on as thugs, and told they aren't good enough at every turn but now you got to deal with the possibility that at some point they could just get randomly killed because well just because. And don't give me the its a ghetto thing argument cause that's not true because there are black families from all socio-economic strata in this community dealing with these issues and fears.

My wife thinks I'm joking but I'm giving the issue of packing up and leaving this place some serious thoughts. Yea shit like this could happen anywhere you go but that don't mean you need to accept it, stay put and court danger.

Sometimes the public assumes that these kids and young men must be guilty of some crime somehow and that's why they got killed. I tend to think that many of them are innocents or kids who just got caught up in the wrong place at the wrong time or who were killed for some trivial argument that really shouldn't have gone past a raised voice.

They are now saying that he may have been killed over some firework prank he pulled the previous day. You have got to be kidding me.

Its messed up out there man.

Anyway when Jane Creba got killed there was crazy outrage and demands for change. Lets see what happens here. Rest in peace Jordan.

Send in the Clones!

I think I need a clone. Is just a temporary thing, just need him for one day. June 2nd. Why?

You know every now and then one day comes up where its like you getting invited to a million and one events? Well June 2nd is one of those days for me. Birthday party, Birthday party Housewarming, get-together, this that and the third. And is free food at all a dem too ya know so that make it even worse. The thing is and this is what always happens. You always get that one day that's like that and then some weekends when ya home bored and nothing to do not a thing at all going on. Its a cruel trick I say, a conspiracy by my friends.

Anyways barring the sudden invention of Star Trek like Transporter technology I cant mek everybody bashment so I say if ya want me to attend send me some advanced food samples or at the very least a potential menu so I can make a proper decision regarding who will be graced with my attendance.

Respond React

So on the sporting front one of the bigger stories this week was Robert Horry's hard foul of Steve Nash in game 4 of the NBA Western Conference Semi-finals Spurs vs Suns game.

Horry for his part received a 2 game suspension for the hit while Sun's players Amare Stoudamire and Boris Diaw received automatic one game suspensions for leaving the Sun's bench during the incident.

Now I actually happen to like Robert 'Big Shot Bob' Horry. Been a fan since he was in Houston winning championships in the early 90s. In fact I like him so much that I even supported him when he was a Laker and anyone who knows me well knows I've been hating on the Lakers since back in the Kareem and Magic days. But having said that it was a cheap foul on his part. He got caught up in the game and it was unnecessary. I'm a still support him after he comes back from the suspension though.

Anyway the aftermath of the incident highlights what for a long time has been in my opinion one of the dumbest rules anywhere. I mentioned it in passing early last year in another post regarding another silly NBA rule but this one is worse. Its the rule which caused Amare and Boris Diaw to be suspended for a game just for getting up from the bench. It states something like if there is an incident and you're not on the court you cant leave the bench or step so much as one foot on the court or you get an automatic suspension. Its been pretty much enforced rigorously by the league since its inception (which may or may not have been following the Heat, Knicks incident back in the 90s when Van Gundy was hanging on to Alonzo Morning's leg for dear life during an altercation).

This rule is just plain stupid and neglects to take into account any sort of normal human behavior. The NBA wants its players to play with passion but just as quickly turn off that joie de vivre when they step off the court.

Instinct says that if you see your fellow player pushed or shoved to the floor on court at the very least your first move will be to stand up and take a step towards the incident. This doesn't mean you're going out there to bust heads or escalate the issue it just means you're human and your concern for another individual, that you know, has made you want to go help them. We wouldn't be human without that instinct.

So for the league to have no tolerance and enforce this rule with such an iron fist tells me that they don't really think of their players as human beings. They are just product.

The NBA has tonnes of rules regarding players, their behaviour and appearance etc. Some I agree with, others I think are too strict since we are dealing with grown men here not children but this one is the worse.

Mr Stern I know you don't want to have melees on your hand like what occurred in Detroit in 2005 but at the same time you need to acknowledge that just getting up off the bench and moving towards an incident in a highly charged basketball game should not be a punishable offense or at the very least you need to be subjective and not follow this rule to the letter of the law in every single case.

This ruling in this specific game could have some serious ramifications for the outcome of the series as you left Phoenix short handed last night and they lost. It just wasn't fair.

That said I'm still backing King Tim and the Spurs over the Sun.

Samson

So been trying to do the father thing for a while now. Whole bunch of repetitive teaching and saying No like 30,000 times per day but the yout now has about 5 or 6 words down including the words yellow (Who says pointing out every single yellow school bus on the road every morning for the past six weeks doesn't pay off)and duck.

Been doing a lot of reading to him as well as part of the whole teaching thing. I read pretty much anything that's at hand, newspaper sports page, sports illustrated, Newsweek, children's books, Bible. Also been forcing him to watch Jeopardy with me in the evenings before bed. Let me tell you I was pretty disappointed that his first words were not communicated in the form of question. He loss points from me for that.

Bought a pretty cool children's Bible when I was in Barbados at Christmas (the one's we saw here just weren't that great plus they were mega expensive) so we read that daily trying to do one story per week. Realized at some point though that some of their interpretations were a bit off on a couple of stories (just slightly off but off nevertheless) though so I'm going to have to vet everything before we read it. Cant be giving the chile wrong information and messing up his head so early although his mother did point out that I was wearing a yellow hat today when clearly the color of the hat was more a deep gold verging on orange. See what I duz have to work with? The woman undermining my hard work!

Plus she always finding fault. "How you gine read the chile de stories and ain't got nuh sound effects?" Sound effects? Chupse! Ya feel I name synthesizer? Or ya think I look like C-3P0? (In case you don't get it line remember the scene in Return of the Jedi when C-3P0 is bringing the Ewoks up-to-date with the story.)

Anyway I ignore she!

So today we reach the story of Samson. Allya remember that one? Strong man, mess with the wrong woman, haircut, brought down the roof yada yada yada. I trying the sound effects thing too. Explosions like c-4 at ya door and Jet Li kung fu liks sharing fa real!

Reach the end of the story and the wife say and do you know the moral of the story? And with a straight face I say "yes it is don't mess with the wrong women cause them will mess up ya life and doan trust no women cause dem duz try to get you to expose all ya secrets and then try to use them against ya.

She gine look at me vex vex and say "no Jdid the moral is 'Jah will never give the power to a baldhead.' "

Lawd ave mercy I think this chile doomed wid two a we fa parents.

Happy Mothers day

To all you bloggers and other mothers who check in here. You are all much appreciated by your children. Hope you all have a great day.

Filler

Too busy to post anything decent so here goes some filler:

Follow these steps [in order of course]

1 . Go to www.google.com

2 . Click on maps

3 . Click on get directions

4 . Go from " Toronto, Ontario " to "paris, france "

5 . Scroll down in the directions to number 26

6 . Laugh and then re-post this ASAP so other people can enjoy

donde están mis pantalones!!

or what you do wid my trousers man?

Saw this in passing on the news. A dry cleaner lost this guys pants and he's suing them for 65 Million dollars.

65 million dollar pants? What kind of pants are those? I could only imagine that he was one of dem foolish rapper fellows that spend way all he money on bling!

The first thing my wife asked me when I told her this story was "Wait he had a winning lotto ticket in de back pocket or wha?" Well boy I cant answer that but all I know is that de man is a judge, Judge Roy Pearson Jr, and he suing a particular dry cleaner in DC for $65 Million cause they lost a pair of his suit pants.

What got me though is how the man justify the dollar total. He arguing $500,000 for emotional distress, $542,500 for legal fees and $1500 a day per violation of consumer protection law for 1200 days times 12 violations per day times 3 defendants. Wait let me check that quick, quick 3x12=36, 36*1200=43,200, 432,00 * 1500 =64,800,000 add in the $1042,500 (legal fees + emotional damage) + $15,000 for the car he say he had to rent to go to another dry cleaners and that gives a grand total of ............. $65,857,500.

Well at least he on point with the mathematics.

But seriously though, how crazy is this? I mean I know people in America duz sue for everything under the sun but did this guy take it too far?

Sure the dry cleaners lost his pants but the suit only cost about $1000. How do you really really justify going from saying they owe you a new suit to they owe you 65 million?

And the suit about the suit pants got the dry cleaner people all distraught saying that they thinking of going back to South Korea. Cuhdear!

Well boy I can only wait to hear how this lawsuit turn out. Cause if he win you know that opens the flood gates to all sort of other suits. Business places going to have you signing all sort of legal waivers in triplicate before you can do laundry or dry cleaning or even buy a hamburger. Well well well! Plus ya know dry cleaning going up. No more $1.25 shirts and 2 dollar pants deal. Nuh uh!

Oh well, the man is a judge so I assume he has some idea what to sue for and what not to sue for. I still feel he gone too far even if the dry cleaners take so long to settle with him in the first place. What he going to do with that settlement if he win? You know how much pants that money can buy?

Ipod Generation

I came across this story on yahoo the last week. Its about some schools banning kid from having Ipods in class and in exams. Now to be honest I don't even see why this is a story. My generation wasn't allowed to sit in class listening to Walkmans why does this generation get the opportunity to use Ipods in class?

Its just like the cell phone debate I blogged about a few months back. Why is allowing kids to have Ipods in class even an issue? Make them leave them in their bags and if you see any trace of Ipods or headphones in class confiscate the items or send the kid to the principal. How difficult is that? After a few lose their mp3 players they would get the drift.

But the part of the yahoo story that got me was this section "Kelsey Nelson, a 17-year-old senior at the school, said she used to listen to music after completing her tests — something she can no longer do since the ban."

What? You can listen to music after completing tests? Since when schools had that option? Look schools are for learning not listening to music unless its music class. If you got a test and you finish early ya best be looking over your answers not pulling out no iPod to listen to music.

Boy is things like this that make me feel so much older than I already am. Listen to music in class after test! Unheard of in my generation. Look when we finished a test and had time left over we would look at the answers a second time or if you didn't feel like you would sit and daydream, use ya imagination that you were somewhere else or doddle on the page. What happened to doodling, drawing that sort of stuff? You could imagine back in the day me sitting in a test situation, finish the test and pull out a LL Cool J or some Milli Vanilli (what! they were cool until we realized they weren't)? Why the teacher would think that my head bad or I gone mad and I would be heading straight for the principals office.

Too much slackness in schools these days man. I always have to reiterate this statement just because the technology is there doesn't mean it has to be in the classroom or that kids have to stay connected 24-7 or cant be bored for a few minutes before the end of a test. Geez no wonder so much attention deficit disorder stuff affecting the children these days.

Its Iraqi road

So they sending Prince Harry to serve in Iraq!

OK from a certain perspective I just don't understand this. OK sure he's doing military duty and they want to send him to complete his service and all but couldn't they find something safer for him to do?

I mean don't get me wrong I'm not condoning special treatment for him because he's British royalty I'm condoning it because you're sending him to Iraq with a special bullseye on his back. I mean the eyes of those Iraqi militants and terrorist groups are probably lighting up at the thoughts of going after someone so high profile in their own country.

Why send him there? Its not like civilization as we know it now really looks at its leaders to be the generals in battle, the men on the frontline, the ones in the thick of the fighting. This isn't the world of the Hannibal or Leonidas anymore. No one says you cant lead because you haven't killed someone or haven't been on the frontlines. Sure you get some props for that but in other lights its seen as reckless or you're labelled a warmonger. And really how much props do you get nowadays for fighting in a war? It doesn't even translate into decent political currency. I mean if McCain couldn't beat Bush to a Republican nomination or Kerry couldn't beat him in an actual election who are we really fooling that battle experience counts for anything?

And don't get me wrong I really could care less about the Royals. I just think its silly knowing that the guy will be targeted more than the average soldier to send him down there. Sure his uncle fought in the Falklands war and British royals have fought in other episodes around the world but cant you let him sit this one out. Find him a desk job.

Is the upside to him going so great? Is it worth the risk? What does it prove? Him serving still doesn't mean he's one of the common folks. He's still going to get special treatment there and back here anyways. So whats the point? We all know he's different or rather is treated different.

Just let him stay behind or ease him into an auxiliary position instead of trying to put on a show that yes he too can fight for his country blah blah blah.

Plus you are possibly putting his regiment in bigger danger than it would be in without him there. Think on that!

His going proves nothing and if he goes gets targeted and so happens to get injured or worse well whats gained? Not a thing. So I say just be transparent with the preferential treatment, let him stay home and get it over with and save him and also his regiment from getting targeted.

OK but another side of me thinks yes it is preferential treatment and I cant really justify sending Tom the butcher's boy down there and letting Harry slide on this one, although certain politicians have done it before. But then from the perspective I'm arguing from I just see Harry as a kid who will be targeted more than the other kids and think is that really fair to him? If it was someone else and I felt they would be targeted disproportionally higher than the other soldiers I'd say keep them at home too.

Baa who knows, I ain't spending alot of time thinking about it.

business ettiquette?

Question?

If someone sends you a really snarky email and you check their query and realize that they are in the wrong cause they are clueless are you allowed to finish your email response with "now piss off and stop confusing me this bright blessed day" or should you just settle for liberally sprinkling the words 'ya pieca idiot', 'ya ol johnny', 'ya blasted ass' or "wait you aint got nuh friggin common sense or wha nuh?" all over the response.

Age aint nothing but a number

I little late with this one but figure I might as well cause it still seems to have some life left in it.

By now most of you have heard about the Akon controversy with him grinding on some 14 year old girl at a show he did in Trinidad. I first heard of it via Mad Bull and that was a week or so ago.

Anyway turns out the girl was the daughter of some local pastor and there has been a big uproar about the incident. In brief this is what happened; she at the Akon show, Akon called for girls to come on stage and dance with him in some contest with the winner getting a trip to Africa which never materialized, she went up/was pulled up/was carried up depends on who you talk to and Akon put a serious grind on her lifting her up and throwing her all around the stage. He throw in some big money wine on she or as we would say in Barbados "Akon do de dog! He wuk up pun she stink stink stink den!"

Now I am not saying Akon knew she was 14 and given Akon's lyrics I would hope it wasn't no all ages show he was putting on so he probably thought she was legit but still now it's a big controversy with people cussingAkon claiming he molest she, the gal crying about how she friends push she on stage and she didn't know what was going to happen and even the Trinidad Prime Minister calling for investigation and all sorta big baccanal.

Alright so those are the facts, this is my take.

First off I ain't know about y'all but I grow up hearing a generalisation that Pastor's children are wild and do all sorts of things to rebel against their parents and personally I know a few to be honest that prove that that saying wasn't a complete falsehood. So my personal bias is to believe that this young girl ain't as innocent as she trying to claim after the fact. I don't know she though so I cant say for certain. Maybe she was just young and misguided.

Secondly, I see some pictures of the girl at the club and she ain't look no 14. She look like she well in she 20s with all she body expose, big navel ring and tattoo. For sureAkon probably didn't have a clue. Mind you that's not a valid excuse under the law, nuff fellas get lock up using that same excuse. It doesn't excuse his actions but at the same time I don't think that he willfully went after a 14 year old girl. Now that brings up another issue. Was what he did to her on thedancefloor sexual assault because of the actual actions or just because of the actions in relation to a 14 year old? Cause if its sexual assault in general to get on like thatnuff entertainers better beware.

Thirdly I don't know the girl's mind state. Some 14 year olds real mature some pretty childish. Maybe she is telling the truth that she had no idea that the man would be bouncing her all around the stage like a rag doll. Maybe she thought he was inviting her up for a spelling bee or that they would instead engage in a rousing duet of "Nearer my God to thee' I cant say for certain. What is known is that the girl is embarrassed and ashamed. Is that because of Akon's actions or because everybody saw the video and she is a church girl?

And Fourth and finally. Wait sorry two more points. Fourth damn you Akon now they claiming your rnb stylings are hip hop and using this as another lets scapegoat hip hop moment. Your style ain't even original son, I liked you way better the first time you came asWycleff Jean. And don't tell me you haven't noticed that Don't Matter sounds like it was ripped straight out the Cleff's songbook.

Ok and Fifth and finally as I had initially said on Mad Bulls blog after first viewing the video "I’ve always found the Caribbean had a double standard towards north American artists that's not applied to soca artists though." I stand by that statement. The call girls onto the stage for danceoffs, to grind on artists routine has been done ad infinitum by Caribbean artists for years with all levels of debauchery going on on the stage and I aint heard a peep from no Prime Ministers so why the drama now? And don't feel it's cause the girl is 14, I'm sure some of those girls I see on stage at certainsoca shows round Caribana, wining back, pouching back, wukking up bad cant be any older. Pure double standard dat!

The way I see it, she made a mistake, she wasn't supposed to be at the show or at least not on stage, maybe she was a bit shocked by the dance movements thatAkon put on her and even more surprised once it hit Youtube, her father found out, they complaining now about Akon.

Yes he takes blame for the slackness in his show and maybe he shouldn't be flinging around ANY women like that and ladies y'all shouldn't allow yourselves to be onstage doing that stuff either but that's not what this is about. Maybe he should have known she was underage but honestly don't just pick him out to throw the book at while other artists do the same thing and no one complains. f you're going to throw the book at the so called hip hop artist start flinging it seriously at some of them sameTrini and other kaisomen that does be simulating sex on stage during their shows.

That is all I have to say on that.

Looo-oooo-ser

Jdid ya pieca poppit!

Sigh! Some days you have it, others you don't.

Yesterday for instance I clearly didn't have it.

As I was leaving home yesterday I noticed what I thought was a suspicious character across the street. Now my street's pretty quiet most days so someone just standing across the road just loitering smoking a cigarette and drinking a Tims sorts of stands out.

So I kind of lingered a bit by my side door trying to get a bearing on this guy. Hmmm big white guy, 45-50-ish, wearing an old red hoodie with a belly that would give Santa a run for his money and a full Grizzly Adams type beard. He seemed a bit fidgety turning around often like he didn't want anyone to get a bead on his features. Hmmm looks kinda bummy. We don't see those types in my hood too often. Yea we usually get the lawless screw faced kids, the moms walking their baby filled strollers and the mini-van exiting parents taking short cuts to school. So yea dude stood out like ummm a black guy in China. Yea that's it!

So 5 minutes, of fiddling with keys and making myself even more tardy for work, later I hit on a novel idea. Let me run back inside and take a little clandestine photo of this guy since I can see him directly from my front windows.

So I do just that. Had the blinds semi-closed and zoomed in but didn't use a flash. I got ya. Clear as day! Evidence son don't you dare try anything while I'm gone.

Alrighty! Mission completed!

So I left home, giving one more glance at the lurker while feeling mighty snug, smiling warmly inside, knowing that I had photos of him just in case he was some sort of criminal trying to stick me for my paper or break and enter while I was absent. Ha! Let that be a lesson to you Mr criminal I have your number and crime does not pay!

Until........

Halfway to work I realized I had made one really crucial mistake. Jdid ya ol eediat! Ya tek a picture of de man but ya leff de blasted camera home on de table. Chupse! Ya miss de point ya clown! What good are the photos if the man tief the camera? Oh yea those photos are going to be really helpful. That man musse barely laffin at you and saying I ain't look half bad in dese pictures. chupse!

Jdid, ya just not ready yet. Eediat!

Oh well at least I was being paranoid and luckily nothing happened while I was gone.

Coming of age

Chris Bosh and the Raptors came of age tonight with the game 2 win over New Jersey. They really had to grind out this game. Welcome to real playoff basketball guys.

I get the feeling Sam Mitchell's been reading my blog cause the team seemed to address most of the concerns I addressed in my last post. Mo Pete got some playing time instead of Joey Graham, TJ played at the death and we took better care of the ball and stayed within striking range all game.

Oh and big up to Sam Mitchell for winning NBA coach of the year. Last year the guy was voted the coach most players didn't want to play for in an unscientific poll done by Sports Illustrated so what a difference a year makes. Mind you I still think he has a ways to go to match up to the elite coaches in the league but his team did win20 more games than last year.

So Game 3 on Friday. What's the advice? Well Sam in case you're reading here goes.

- Keep on doing what you're doing but lets get Bosh to take it inside more.
- Lets get back to Raptors basketball with more passing.
- Don't give up on Graham just yet. His confidence seems to go in streaks. If he can get going again he's definitely an asset.
- Bargnani is a bit out of it bring him along slowly. Tell him he needs to up his intensity too.

Raptors Nets game 1

As a follow up to the last post I'll give you my thoughts on game 1.

The Raptors lost and deserved to lose. They just didn't play well enough. They do have the talent to compete I believe but they just messed up on this one.

Where did they go wrong? Let us count the ways:

- No one could stop Richard Jefferson. So much was focused on stopping Vince and Jason Kidd that somehow Jefferson was able to get easy baskets early in the game on his way to a 28 point night.

- Chris Bosh got early fouls and we lost him for much of the first half. Also Bosh settled for jumpers for much of the game. Bosh needs to go inside a lot more. Lets face it he still had 22 points but if he was going inside getting to the foul line more he would have had a greater impact on the game.

- The Raptors shot free throws atrociously. OK maybe not atrociously but 7 missed free throws in a game that you lose by 5 has got to hurt.

- Sam Mitchell as I sort of suspected didn't have a good coaching game. Biggest mistake of the night, in my opinion, was leaving TJ Ford on the bench in the dying minutes of the game. Yes I know that Calderone was playing quite well at the time but at the death without question TJ has to be the man on the floor. TJ had already imposed his will on the game and kept us in it almost sinlge handedly in the first half so sitting him at the death was a big mistake.

- Joey Graham was a bit overawed in his first playoff game. Don't get me wrong Graham is possibly my favorite Raptor right now but given that he has just started getting constant minutes when Bargnani and Garbajosa went down about 10 games back it was a bit too much to ask for him to be consistent today. First quarter he seemed to play pretty well but then in the second half he started making mistakes and I think he dwelt on them a bit and they started to escalate. How deep is Mo Pete in Mitchell's doghouse that he only got 7 minutes the entire game? I think at some point Graham should have been benched fora few minutes and Mo played a bit more. I expect Joey to improve as the series goes on but today his minutes needed to be cut down.

- Turnovers hurt us. 14 turnovers is not typical of the Raptors. They are usually good at taking care of the ball. Again could be playoff jitters.

- The Nets bench outplayed ours. The Toronto bench has been one of its strengths this season but with Garbajosa out through injury and Bargnani still rusty after being out some time our bench didn't contribute the way it usually does. Humpries brought his energy and was probably the biggest positive for me in this game but besides him our bench wasn't up to par. On the other hand the Nets bench played quite well.

- The Raptors dug themselves into a hole or many holes throughout the game. In the playoffs where every possession counts 10 point leads are usually hard to overcome. It may work in the regular season where you can put together big runs but against a veteran team like New Jersey the best bet is to stay close and not continually have to be pulling oneself out of a hole.

- We need to play tighter defense and get more rebounding. Probably the main reason we wont go far this playoff season. Both Phoenix and Dallas learned about the necessity of defense in past seasons so maybe we'll learn this year.