Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Telemarketers

I think somehow I mistakenly got on some list out there which said that Jdid had spare cash to give away. Why? Well every other day some telemarketer is trying to sell me some product or service or trying to get me to contribute to some charity on the phone. They wont give me a break at all.

I mean my phone doesn't ring that much at home and when it does ring its usually for the wife so anytime I hear the phone ring and the person on the other line asks to speak to me I duz start to get a little worried because either I do something wrong and somebody looking for me or somebody trying to take away what few dollars I have.

And once I hear a call and the person is asking all proper like for one "Mr Jdid" and I don't recognize the voice then I know full well what's coming next. I know the next words out their mouths will be along the lines of "I'm calling on behalf of so n so to offer you this that and the third" or "I'm calling on behalf of the poor underprivileged unfortunate sick need help everywhere to ask you to donate to such and such." They like they don't realize that I also poor underprivileged, unfortunate and often sick sick too so they should be calling on my behalf.

No bosie not me and this telemarketing thing. I mean really sometimes if I can spare it I will donate to a charity and I don't really mind giving if I can if I think its a worthwhile cause. However as for the ones selling services I aint want nun a what they trying to sell me because the way I look at it if they were selling such a great service I would be calling them or they would be too busy with the phones ringing off the hook from other people wanting to volunteer to buy their service and they wouldn't have no time to call me. That don't make sense?

I mean when I wanted that first credit card no credit card companies were calling me now all a them running me down to offer me a million cards. Oh you want to put me in debt and take all my money. Ok I understand that.

To make matters worse these telemarketers are always calling me at the most inopportune times as well. A fella trying to get a lil nap and they waking me up, ringing down the place, I trying to eat a little food and they wait till my belly growing and I got the fork in mid air and then beep beep there is the phone. Last two minutes of a basketball game, team down by 3 and making a big play and they gine mek me get up and miss the last minute heroics. chupse!

Now let me step back here and say that I'm not sure how I got on the list. Maybe its because I had a little pity one day and decide to give a charity a little change. Well to be honest it wasn't really any pity its just I heard that it would help me out tax wise to give a fella pieca change but no one ever tell me that it would cause me to get a million calls from people begging me for money because if someone had warned me about that I would have taken the tax penalty in exchange for the confusion these people giving me.

Plus the telemarketers real real persistent! I don't know if you've noticed but when they start off a call they have this technique whereby they don't make it sound as if they're begging you for money or begging you to buy a service. Oh no they make it seem like its already a done deal. They make it seem that this is just a mere formality because you have already agreed to buy whatever they are selling and they are just there to confirm it. I admire the confidence but usually I just don't want to waste my money on what they are selling.

For instance the other day, Saturday afternoon, I'm home alone half sleeping and this fella call. Now normally I would just not answer the phone but the wife was out and I figure just in case its her I will answer. So I jump up out the bed and run the phone half dazed.

"Good day may I speak to Mr Jdid?
I'm still groggy but that was the first clue so I saying oh oh what they trying to sell me now
"This is Mr Jdid."
"Good afternoon sir, I calling on behalf of so n so bank and we are offering you life insurance for which you are already pre-approved at a cheap rate of $8.95 per month."
"I am not interested."
"Ok sir but let me tell you that you are already pre-approved and this coverage will provide you with up to 10,000 dollars if you are in hospital which you can apply to your medical bills or pay your mortgage and if you are unable to work for a specific period of time due to accident you will also receive up to 50,000."
"I am not interested." Just in case he didn't hear me the first time.
"And when you die you are covered for up to a lump sum of $100,000 which will be given to your beneficiaries but if you die a really horrible accidental death such as you are run over by a TTC bus we will give your next of kin 4 times the amount for which you are insured."
(ok so he didn't say the part about really horrible death but he did offer the 4 times benefit for accidental death)
"I am not interested."
"And just so you know you are already pre-approved because you are a valued customer at so n so bank and we will just send you out this kit which you can look over because the first two months of premium will be paid by us. Just let me take down you inform....."
"that's great but I am just not interested."
"And .....
" Am boss man which part of I am not interested you cann understand?"
"Ok sir but could you tell us why you are not interested? Do you have other life insurance? Because our life insurance coverage provides you with the secur....."
"looka why you calling me ta sell me insurance for? I ask you for insurance? Ya aint see that I already say dat the wife trying ta kill me and you trying to give de wuman more incentive now to speed up the job? Ya want me ta get this policy and she find out I got a policy paying 4 times more fa accidental death and nex ting ya hear I get push infront a truck or sumbody pelt big rocks at me when I up on the roof and leff me pun de ground catspraddle? I look like I ready ta met the maker to you? uh? You cant realize you tryin ta get a innocent man killed?"

click!

8 comments:

Abeni said...

lol.Man,give the poor telemarketers some love nah.It's a tough job but somebody got to do it:)

Lene said...

nice! i should tell them some lies like that too.

normally weedman calls my house, and i tell them that i dont own a lawn or a phone and hang up.

or you got to get rude with them. i go to church, so i'll be ok when heaven comes around.

Anonymous said...

Bwoy, dem sickening! Could a private unlisted telephone # make a difference? That, or caller ID? Don't pick up any number you don't recognize.

If all else fails...how 'bout, "You nuh hear me seh not phucking interested a bumbocleat!?" Dr. D.

Scratchie said...

Hey JDid, Good dialogue. Luckily we don't seem to have too much of that type of thing out here. Guess they figure we aren't worth the effort :) I put them in the same category as spam though...bad news. One of life's annoyances I guess.

notyouraverage.... said...

man! i hope you really do bawl them out like that! i hate telemarketers. yes, i know, some people that do it, have no other choice (i've done it myself, as a teen), but they really have no right, calling your home, without invitation. making you jump up from what you're doing, cause you think it's someone calling you actually want to speak with, and then trying to hold you on the phone with something that you don't want from them and then act like you're the rude when, when you tell them you don't want what they're selling. can you tell, they get my goat!

muffin said...

it's so funny when you keep saying "i'm not interested". why not just hang up EARLY!!!! cut them suckers off before they can get 3 more words out.

Tracey said...

I love Telemarketers first thing I ask is are you going to ask me for money? If they answer yes I cut them short if they try to work around that I cut them short and if they say no I know they lying so I cut them shorter. ROFLMAO

4panist said...

I must have missed this one.funny. I was a telemarketer in my youth so I try to be polite but they really can push it!