laffin at myself

Well I promised everyone a few laffs and who better to laugh at than myself. I've just been thinking about some childhood memories lately. Think they were spurred on by the whole cellphone episode from yesterday. Also I hung out with some bajan friends last night till about 2 in the morning and it just brought back some nice memories.

Ya ever hang out with nuff Caribbean people in a non-Caribbean atmosphere? It's pure jokes. We duz be making noise ...Usually without being obnoxious, we duz be laffing and 'carrying on bad'. Waitresses duz be coming by hoping ya buy more drinks and giving ya all sorta nasty looks. lol. Well Last night we talked from about 9 till 2am about everything under the sun from old time remedies, politics, going school to just good old time bajan food. Anybody ever had shark oil or Scott emulsion? Or eat rice and macaroni as a meal. Not separate ya know I mean that was the entire meal, no meat no nothing else; plain rice + plain macaroni. lol.

The biggest joke though besides ragging on some one else that we knew was when this guy at the bar turned the TV away from facing us. We were in loud conversation but ever now and then we would gaze at the TV as they went on and on about Vince Carter's trade (whoopee, I real glad he gone). Anyway the guy probably thought that seeing as we were well locked in conversation, we wouldn't mind the TV so he turned it to face him. Well to paraphrase Pauls' Keens Douglas "Who tell he do dat?"

Lawd ave mercy. From the time the TV move all I hear was 'But wait, how he cud juss come so an turn the TV? He aint feel we watching? But wait dis is he house? He live hayso dat he cud turn bout the TV from infront a people? wha I cann understand dat den. People watching TV and he juss up and turn roun de screen. chupse! Wha I aint see he bring in nuh TV. Wait he buy dat, he got a receipt fa dat?" and this went on not in the polite Canadian quiet like way but in loud (but not obnoxious) Caribbean fashion so poor guy heard all our comments. We embarrassed the man so much he had to turn the TV back. All like now the man musse got a TV phobia from the ragging he got. He muse 'fraid ta even watch TV this marnin den.

Anyways it was just jokes, no malice intended.

One joke that came up last night was about me when I was a child. Now I do talk to myself like that dude on the bus lol ...and it aint a cellphone I'm talking to. Some people say I must be mad(mad as in crazy for you non west Indians not mad as in vex) but the voices in my head duz tell me "doan mind dem dem aint know wha gine on. we saner dan all a dem so dont fret yaself."

Anyway whenever people tell me I'm mad I always blame it on this one incident when I was at primary school around 8 years of age. Now back then there was the old joiner (carpenter) shop behind our school and there was always wood shavings and pieces of logs and half sawn 2x4s all behind our school. This was back when no one was that safety conscious so there was a security fence in bad repair but no-one cared about who was on school property and you didn't have to really worry about unsavory elements invading the area. We didn't have any drug dealers an guns and bad boy-ism around the place. A simpler time.

So one day a bunch of us were playing behind the school at lunchtime. (Actually writing this its all coming back with amazing clarity which is good since for years now I haven't remembered much but the outcome of the incident.) We were walking around, talking , laffing, mekkin sport as the bajans would say. Out of the blue though this one girl in our group grabbed a 2x4 off the ground and started swinging it with both hands like crazy. Now you know at 8 most girls are bigger than boys so this was a fairly tall girl even for 8 and I was this scrawny little short boy with big thick glasses. I remember now I was thinking to myself this girl just trying to frighten us. No way this girl is stupid enough to hit me. I'm not ducking I'm standing my ground. So she saw me there, the only one not running from her lawlessness and kept swinging and swinging the 2x4 closer and closer to me till she was basically in my face. I'm standing there very still but vex and thinking she cant frighten me so I'm not budging. Actually budging I might have got hit anyways. Now I know she didn't mean to hit me but all a sudden BRAX, I get lik in the middle of me forehead wid a 2x4. (and allya wonder why my head gone eh?) Dat ever happen to anyone else come on show by a raise of hands? Whax !

Man did that thing hurt. Swelled up to the size of Pinochio's nose too. Big big bump on my head. I just remember going home from school and my mom being really upset and her doing like West Indians used to(still?) do and rushing off to find this girl's parents (who of course we knew) to show them how their daughter nearly kill her poor son. She wanted satisfaction (meaning well at the least the parents could put some hot lashes in the girl tail for hitting me) Cuhdear!

My mom also had to use a big tablespoon to try to press down the bruised blood. Ouch and that hurt probably as bad if not worse than the actual blow. Crazy aint it. So when allya say I mad feel some pity for me cause I get lik in my head wid a two by four so it aint my fault. Well actually it is cause I should have just run away or something but 'I aint never scared' so I didn't. lol

Another story I remember from my childhood involves myself falling down. Now as a youngster I used to walk extremely fast. Actually I still do but nowhere as fast as back then. Getting places was like a race to me. I was always trying to better my previous times without running. Anyway maybe it was the fast walking and maybe it wasn't but there were points where of course I had a few falls. Nothing really spectacular, no broken bones just lost pride and embarrassment.

Now anyone who knows Barbados knows that sidewalks are lacking in many places so that always makes walking a challenge. Luckily most of my walk routes on major streets had some sidewalks. However there were always breaks in the sidewalk at various points and these sometimes led to some mishap for me. Actually come to think of it most of my walk mishaps also happened when I was on my way to or from high school. Why is this significant. Well because I was wearing my school shoes. Now all good bajan parents if they could afford it insisted that their child wear leather shoes and some of my leather shoes had absolutely no grip. Yea its the shoes? the shoes? Its gotta be the shoes. I blame them for every fall I ever had.

So for me I had a few real igrant falls on my way from high school in the evenings. Three I can remember vividly but only one is really funny so I will share that one.

I was about 15 , out of khaki (short pants) and into long pants at high school. Long pants, white shirt and a tie. I was a proud 4th former. One evening I was on my way up Whitepark road, walking rather fast in my slippery shoes because I was trying to get somewhere on time. I was on the street walking after having run out of sidewalk down by what I believe was the Wesleyan Holiness Tabernacle, opposite Greenfield's road down by the WIBIX factory that makes Shirleys and sodabix and eclipse biscuits (wunnah know dem right?). And I was heading in the direction towards Passage road/Country Road. Hol tight I just setting the scene fa any a wunah dat wanta recreate my steps.

So I reached the area just opposite the basketball courts for Roebuck High School now called Louis Lynch secondary. This area had a sidewalk but you had to step up from the road onto the sidewalk. Of course you know what happened. My feet caught the edge of the sidewalk and see me all over the ground, with my knapsack, catspraddle on the pavement. Bruggadown Brax! My slippery shoes and the edge of the pavement collaborate to throw me down real real hard.

Being in my long pants and school tie though I couldn't let anyone see me having fallen down especially not school children from another school so I hurried to get up, looked around, luckily no one was on the basketball courts, and promptly took off like nothing happened. Hey I had to retain some semblance of pride. I mean after all I is bajan and ya know we proud foolish. :-)

However these two guys in a truck coming down the road had clearly seen the incident and as they drove past one guy said to the other "Man, nowadays dese schoolboys duz drink tummuch rum and den fall down all bout the place ya kno". Man was I embarrassed.