Jdid at de Oval

I know some of you Caribbean folks must have heard of Paul Keens Douglas and his classic Tante Merle at de Oval. For those not familiar check the above links. Paul Keens Douglas is one of the premier storytellers in the Caribbean and its pure jokes when he tells his stories.

The Tante Merle story is almost Keen Douglas' signature piece about a 'confuse' miserable old lady at a cricket match at the Queen's Park Oval in Trinidad. Its really funny. Anyway I tief the man title cause this story is about me at cricket but I cant really do no justice to it since I is juss a small man a try tell him lil story and not no premier type storyteller plus my story is a bit different and really not about being at the match. But anyways I refuse to be daunted and will just tell my little story about me and Kensington Oval, a place I blogged about yesterday.

Now most places in the world you have four seasons; winter, spring, summer, fall(autumn) but not so in Barbados. In Barbados we have three seasons; Christmas, Crop-Over and Cricket. Christmas is self -explanatory, Crop Over is our Carnival festival which is held starting in mid-July and actually culminates at the beginning of August (on the same weekend as Caribana up here in T-dot actually) and Cricket ..........

Well growing up Cricket used to be almost like a religion for us. Things got going just after Christmas when the Inter-Regional games would start. Barbados vs Jamaica, Barbados vs Windward Islands, Barbados vs Trinidad and Tobago, nuff national pride at stake and the like cause ya know we island people real competitive with one anudda and some a we doan like one anudda too too good. Cricket would continue for a few months until up around March and then in April there was always an International test series where teams like Pakistan, India and Australia came down to the West Indies to play against our World Champion squad.

Now Test match time was a serious time in Barbados. Kensington Oval would be packed to capacity and past capacity with spectators and most of the rest of the islands' populace were glued to their radios all day listening to the match. This was before they started showing a lot of test match coverage on TV. We love we cricket bad! Or at least we used to, nowadays the atmosphere is more like yea yea cricket whatever, West Indies loss again but that's another story.

But back then Cricket used to cause everything to grind to a standstill. In school at lunchtime a radio would be brought out of hiding so the boys could listen to the cricket coverage, in stores cricket on the radio, business places same thing. Even in government offices, the radio was on cricket and service which was notoriously slow would grind to a standstill. Don't interrupt people when cricket on unless its an emergency like somebody dead! Ya follow me?Alright den!

But then that was expected since Cricket was almost like life in Barbados. Every young man in Barbados in my era probably grew up playing cricket. From playing in the street with makeshift bats with tennis or 'tape' balls and using pieces of 2x4's, rocks or oil drums for stumps to playing on the beach skidding a 'skin' ball off the surf into the batsman, cricket was always happening as long as you had some sort of light (to clarify a tape ball is a tennis ball covered with electrical tape and a skin ball is actually a rubber ball usually a tennis ball that the fuzz has been shaved off to leave the ball bare).

And me well I was a cricket junkie. From the time I hit high school and start getting a little height, I was Malcolm Marshall, Michael Holding and "Big Bird" Joel Garner rolled up in one. I was a West Indian fast bowler terrorizing batsmen! Had a wicked Yorker going on (a yorker is like a .... chupse man I aint explaining google it) and a cruel inswinger. If I didnt have my own tape ball on me at all times I'd at least have electrical tape so I could tape a tennis ball at a moment's notice. I played cricket before school started, during lunch break and after school (til I discovered basketball) and I have the cricket injuries to prove it too. My goal was to be like my cricketing heroes and make the West Indies team. Talk about exercise Jdid was a fit yout. I was a tape ball bowling demon, couldn't bat ta save my life though. LOL!

Anyway moving the story along, after I finished High School I worked for a year before coming to Canada. During that year I had a few jobs including one within the civil service as a low level pencil pusher. The money actually wasn't that bad considering I was living at home and I was fresh out of high school, made me ponder the need for all this further 'edumacation' business. Actually come to think of it I had more flex money then than I do now. Wait a minute something's wrong here lol. At this job the hours were good and we were only really swamped for about a week every month plus the job had a few perks.

Perk Number 1: Back then (not sure about now) every civil servant in Barbados got what was called a 'cricket day' when the Test match rolled around. It was one day off from work during the test match where you could go to the match if you so chose cause ya know Test cricket is a 5 day game. Yea yea yeah North Americans cant understand how you can play one game over 5 days and it can end in a draw. Damn your shortened attention span I say! lol

Now for me this was like utopia. A day off work to go see cricket, it cant get much better! It was a lot better than being in school because in school you might get lucky once in a blue moon and a master might let you out at 2 'o'clock so you could scramble down to Kensington by tea time at 3 but here was an entire day off to go to cricket. And I would still be paid! Oh man, Life gets no better. Its been all downhill ever since I say.

Except, cricket days were assigned on a seniority basis and as the new kid on the block (word to marky marks brother!) I basically got whatever day was left after everyone else had decided when they were going to take their day off. So you know what that means no first day of cricket for me, not even a fourth day yep I got stuck with day number five. Damn!

Now what was so bad about day 5 back then was that West Indies were world champs, they kicked ass and took names, and usually finished most matches in 4 days or maybe like an hour into day 5 if rain was falling. Serious demolition job on the opponents! So my getting the 5th day meant I really wasn't getting any cricket to watch. Plus if the game finished early then you weren't getting that day off at all. Day off cancelled you had to go to work. So so unfair! Of course since the match started on Friday I could (and would) always go to it on day 2 and 3, Saturday or Sunday but to my mind a grave injustice had been incurred by yours truly. Babylon a downpress I man star! I felt like Cinque in Amistad. "Give us us free!" so I can go watch cricket.

So hear what happen. All week leading up to the test match I was vex, fuming, I had it up to here. Friday morning, first day of the test I still vex but I was acceptant of my fate. Sigh! Got to work early that morning and I think 2 of my colleagues had their cricket day then and were off so the rest of us were holding down the fort. Cricket started at 10AM, at five past ten after the radio came out and I heard that West Indies were batting, I say to myself by hook or by crook I aint missing Haynes and Greenidge bat. This might be the last time I see them play ever cause I going away next year and I don't know when next I going to see test cricket. So quick so a plan formulate in my head. I find the boss and tell him "Amm I juss remember that I have to go up hayso by this place to look into getting some documents from CXC for de school ting in Canada." It was a legitimate sounding excuse since everyone at work knew I was leaving soon and I was trying to sort out some of the details and documents. Alright then! Easy so I left the office around quarter after 10. Ya think I went to anyplace near CXC office for documents? Ya lie!

Dem think that dem gine stop me from seeing cricket?. From seeing Dessie and Gordon and Viv one last time before I move to the frozen wasteland of Toronto? Dem wanta unfair me cause I is a yout and give me day 5 when dem know full well cricket finish halfway through day 4! Dat cant work!

So back then luckily I lived less than 15 minutes from work so I walked home calmly changed clothes, got my little transistor radio and put on my disguise of dark shades and big cap and dodge back out to the front road like a ninja and hop on one of the minibuses to Bridgetown with strains of Special Ed's "We're on a Mission" ringing in my head lol. Now Bridgetown was about 20 minutes walk from home but I would have to walk past the office so I wasn't taking any chances.

So I swiftly caught a minibus and off I went. Got to Bridgetown about 10:45 but I couldn't take the direct route to Kensington Oval from the Minibus stand either just in case I was spotted by a coworker who had a legitimate cricket day. Serious undercover mission this ya kno! So see me hustling through all sorts of alleys and backstreets that nobody don't use in Bridgetown. Dodging thru Shuttle street and all them little side streets filled with half empty rumshops and street hawkers that don't got nuttin on dem trays. Then I dip into the 'Orleans, a lil bad boy area more in hype than in reality, that's a shortcut to Kensington but can be fairly confusing if you're not sure where you're going.

All this time I real frighten I butt up on someone from work. Aint taking no chances at all, so see me walking past all sorta bad boy types liming on the block staring me down like 'wait who is you! And why you waking through hayso in dem dark shades. Who you hiding from, you is a police'. Conventional wisdom would have said stay on the main road where you know where you going and people can at least hear you scream but nope not today. Got to get to de Oval without anyone I know seeing me.

Somehow I reached Pickwick gap, just outside the ground, without incident and ran into the torrent of people going to cricket. I'm dodging people left and right, even folks that I know in case somebody see me and holla out 'Jdid!' and blow my cover. Somehow even though the country small and everybody know everybody (or at least that's what most people think of Barbados) I made it into Kensington safely without anyone I knew seeing me and blowing my cover. Time was now about 11:20 or so. Went into the most unpopulated stand and found a seat in a corner at the top of a stand where not too many people could see me properly.

Anyway I sit down and I watch and listen to cricket from about 11:30 to about quarter to three. West Indies wasn't doing that well but I still enjoy myself. I missed seeing Haynes and Greenidge cause both were out by the time I get to the ground and in fact West Indies got bowled out relatively cheap. Was going to stay the whole day too but then something say alright you had ya fun, you show your defiance try and get back to work.

So see me again using back alleys and dodging all spy like, peeping round corners and hiding behind lamp posts, and using my ninja camouflage techniques to blend into wire fences and Tamarind trees, and posing off by storefronts like a mannequin just to get back to the minibus stand. Then I caught a bus home, changed real quick and walked back down to the office all nonchalant trying not to sweat too much, got to pretend I was waiting in an air conditioned office all day ya kno.

When I got back all the guys still listening to cricket and cussing West Indies batsmen (of course back then if we were bowled out for two it was safe to say the opposition would be all out for one). Don't even think they really noticed I was gone so enthralled with cricket they had been. Only one 'igrant' girl really bothered me about where I had been and why it took so long for me to get back to work. She was always trying to mek my life miserable for no apparent reason. Apparently she thought I got lost on the way to the CXC office and had been wondering what had happened to me. Hear me; "No girl I went up by the office and ya know how things duz be when cricket on people duz be workin real real slow. So I was up there the whole day, all this time waiting and they giving me the runaround. And ya know for all this time I did gone I aint get the documents yet. Chupse! Looka depending on how things going (with cricket I was thinking but didn't say aloud) I might gotta do de exact same thing Monday." :-)

Memories

Well the West Indies cricket team finally won a test match beating Pakistan by over 276 runs at Kensington Oval in Barbados yesterday. Its been such a long time since we've won a test match anywhere that to be honest I don't follow cricket as faithfully as I once did.

Still congrats to the team on the win.

This match was the final test match played at the current Kensington Oval as the ground is due for demolition in late June so that it can be rebuilt with lots of modern features in time to host the Cricket World Cup Finals in 2007.

I for one am going to miss the old Kensington as growing up I spent numerous days there with my dad watching Barbados and West Indies cricket. I wont recap wins or loss stats but it was a very successful ground for the West Indies team until a few years ago and I consider myself lucky to have grown up in the era of West Indies supremacy and have seen some of the cricketing greats like Haynes, Greenidge, Richards, Lloyd, Marshall, Holding and Garner play on that ground.

It was always fun being there hanging out in the grounds stand with my dad when I first started going and then recently going by myself and camping out in the Kensington stand. The atmosphere was always something that overwhelmed me anytime I walked through the gates and looked out onto the field. I'd take my seat and be surrounded by knowledgeable patrons, drunk patrons, cursing patrons and just some of the funniest banter you'll ever bear witness too.

International matches always had a certain electricity. It was difficult to find a good seat if you arrived late as the stands were packed and there was always some expectation that anything could happen with every ball. Almost like we were putting our collective influence behind the West Indies team and willing them to win with our music and cheering and sometimes jeering (booing Carl Hooper, a fan favorite, in 99 comes vividly to mind).

Regional matches on the other hand were more laid back with only the die hard fans really attending but it was fun to be able to stretch out in a bench in the Kensington stand and watch cricket and sleep and watch cricket and eat and just relax. I've had some of my clearest thinking moments at that ground at regional matches.

Then there was the food. Fish cakes galore used to eat in the stands or I'd go out to Pickwick Avenue and hold a seat in the back of some little rumshop and eat some home made fried chicken and rice n peas. There were also the vendors outside the ground whose stalls always seemed to be crowded. I'd go for lunch and spend almost the entire 45 minute break standing in line just to get close enough to shout for my piece of mac pie and chicken. damn! lol.

Anyway the memories really do come flooding back.

But I've gone on too long with the memories what I really wanted to share with you was a bit of a confession about Kensington Oval. However now I think I'll do that tomorrow.

Musical Baton

Well Mad Bull passed me the baton so I've got to run with it. Actually anytime I think of batons I think of my 4x100m training sessions back at high school. I was usually the 2nd or last leg runner and I really hated relays and track practice. Anyway this one time I was running leg two at practice and I came in too close to the number 3 guy. I shouted "Stick" to late, he put his arm back and I slammed the big aluminum baton right smack dab into his elbow with a loud clank. Ouch! Well it was rather funny from my perspective. Yea those were the days lol



Anyway onto the musical baton. Let me answer these questions.

Total volume of music files on computer:
1.84GB. shhh don't tell my wife, lol.

The last CD I bought was :
Actually its three cds: O.C - Word Life, Trends of Culture - Trendz.... And 4th Avenue Jones - Stereo: The Evolution of hiprocksoul (Thats Ahmad of Back in tha day fame's group in case you're wondering). I'm especially proud of the O.C album because I've been trying to find this cd for about 5 years now and on Tuesday I finally found the reissue in Kops on Queen street. It was like I was Captain Ahab and this cd was my whale. Oh man it was like Christmas came early on Tuesday when I found this. Of course then my week fell to crap on Wednesday but for one brief moment on Tuesday I was feeling nice.


Song playing right now :
When I started this blog I was listening to Nutin to Do by Common, before he lost the Sense, off the Resurrection album because I got called out on the sample on Resurrection on my other blog Hip Hop Quotables and yes that was a shameless plug for that site :-)

Now I'm listening to the Masterplan show on CIUT play The Corners by Common and Dreams by The Game amongst other stuff.



Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me :
Man I listen to so much music that this one is kind of tough for me so I'll go with songs that off hand I like for various reasons.

Deportees - Buju Banton
Even though its about Criminals being deported to me its about someone living abroad and forgetting their roots so I like this song to kinda keep me grounded.

The Warning - Biggie
The lyrics in this song are the ish.
They heard about the rolexes and the lexus
with the Texas license plate outta state

Passing me By - Pharcyde
Fat Lips verse is just the cry of every dude who's every been shot down.

Calypso Music - David Rudder
The first four lines are so poetic that it just drags me in:

Can you hear a distant drum
Bouncing on the laughter of a melody
And does the rhythm tell you come come come come
Does your spirit do a dance to this symphony

Overjoyed - Stevie Wonder
Had to throw a love song in there lol.

Oh and just to throw y'all for a loop I'll add a sixth song My Favorite Things from the movie The Sound of Music which is one movie I've never seen and I really have no urge to watch Julie Andrews run through fields singing. However this particular song is infectious and I whistle it occasionally at work or quote it to people so that it gets into their heads. Try it, its fun! Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens lol.

Five people to whom I'm passing the baton :
Ok I'm going to call out Abeni, Marlo, Camp, Nikki and my man the big pimping Big N.

Wait I propose to you?

Been struggling to find the time to blog this week. Lots of thoughts in the head just not alot of time to write them down. Anyway I found this blog that I started back in February and although I'm struggling with fatigue today (insomnia will do that to you folks) I decided I might as well share this one now before I forget it again.

Once upon a time, not long ago where people wore pajamas and lived life slow, where law was stern and justice stood and people were behaving like ......

Nope sorry this isn't children's story by Slick Rick (knock em out the box rick! Knock em out Rick!) this is just a random story with no point by Jdid

Now back in the days when I was in University I used to spend my holidays in random spots in North America since I couldn't afford to go back to Barbados for every holiday and I damn sure didn't have the love for Toronto to be spending all my time here. I already told y'all about the whole Christmas in Montreal thing and whole heap a people a laff offa me but that's alright. Well I used to spend some of my holidays with an Uncle who lives in Detroit as well. Up to today its still the only U.S city I've been to and I must say its a rather interesting place. A place that I kind of like. Its a bit grimy but I found the folks to be friendly and it was kind of cool back in the day cause we didn't get B.E.T in Canada back then lol.

Anyway I think I spent about two Christmases in Detroit and a small part of one summer. It was alot of fun. Well not that much fun but it was a nice place to go and just chill because my uncle and his wife both worked and if I was there for a week or two I'd spend about 80% of that time alone just liming (chilling) in his basement digging in the crates for his Prince, Anita Baker, Wilson Pickett, Aretha Franklin, Stevie Wonder and that other good ish he had on vinyl. Plus of course I'd have bought my Black Sheep, Tribe, P.E, Boogie Down Productions and all that other hip hop with me and he had the bomb stereo with the surround sound speakers and the nice equalizer! Actually Dude had the sweet basement hookup; Great stereo set, comfy couch, cable tv and I mean the ish we still don't get up in this spot. ESPN, HBO, Showtime man I had me some fun. Word! After spending a semester seriously beating my head against the books it was such a welcome relief to just veg out, listen to some music, watch movies and read some thing non school related and best of all sleep. I would literally sleep away the days at his place.

Oh it was also on one of these trips that I wrote this letter but we already talked about that.

So as I was saying most of my time in the D was spent just vegging except for the evenings when my uncle came home and he'd take me to check out the city or the days where I'd go to the mall and chill or something like that. It was just good down time.

Anyway, one day my uncle's god-daughter came over. She was about my age or a little older and I'd heard a bit about her and how she was a nice girl and all that. Apparently one of my other cousins had linked up with her older sis back in the days or something too.

Now I honestly can say that I cant remember what she looked like but I think she was probably pretty decent looking. She was probably better than that but I cant remember her that well. Why is this important its not really but hey I was like 20 at the time so it was definitely all about the looks back then!

So I got the introduction and we hang out for quite a bit just chatting about this and that. Actually I don't even think I flirted with her because my game was weak, (Was!! Who am I kidding with the past tense lol) and I really hadn't mastered the flirt yet. There was quite a nice conversation going on in my opinion although in hindsight it seemed as if we could have been more relaxed. We were basically just kind of two strangers trust into a situation where we had heard of each other but this was our first meeting and we weren't sure what we had in common. So the conversation was a bit stilted at first but we started chatting about school, she wanted to be a hairdresser I think, then music, dancing and you know the usual stuff that pops up at random. So conversation starting to progress, we both started to feel a little more at ease, we laughed a bit, joked a bit, shared a few random stories. I was starting to think hey homegirl is kinda cool this is fun.

Until .....

Homegirl asks me something about Barbados and growing up there. So I start telling her about my homeland just running down some of the basics not trying to give her the whole tourist board spiel. Suddenly mid sentence she interrupts me and says the following which I quote verbatim. 'Wow, Barbados sounds like a really nice place,' she said. I started nodding yep it is and then she continued with a bit of stress to the words 'BUT I WOULDN'T WANT TO LIVE THERE, I WOULDN'T WANT TO LIVE ANYWHERE ELSE BUT DETROIT!'

Screech! hol up! Wait a minute! What da ?? I was straight shook. Whachu talking bout Willis? All I could mumble was ummm ok and then I was pretty much speechless. Conversation dead! No t dying straight dead! Why? Because the way those words came out of her mouth I swore I had just proposed to the sista and she was telling me that we had to live in Detroit when we were married. I kid you not. I was sitting there analysing the conversation, trying not to make eye contact, afraid she was going to start a head bobbing tirade like 'if you want to be my man you needs to gets yourself a good job and ....' and I was also trying to figure out if I had said anything at all that could be construed as a proposal or my even trying to even get a date with her. It was one of the most uncomfortable situations I've ever been in trying to talk to someone cause it was like what was that all about. Did I walk into a Hindu household and an arranged marriage? Did they already exchange the Dowry? Good gosh homegirl sure as hell told me but ummm why was she telling me. Was she setting ground rules for me? I'm still completely clueless to this day as to what went down. All I know is I never said anything about her even visiting Barbados, she asked about the place I told her about it, I wasn't trying to recruit her. Man that was some scary ish! I was so glad when she had to leave. Man I was pretty much ready to run back to the T dot right after that in case she came back to finish the conversation.

So I still remember those words to this day 'Barbados sounds like a nice place BUT I WOULDN'T WANT TO LIVE ANYWHERE ELSE BUT DETROIT'. Yo I think homegirl had issues.

More ediat!

Well not alot of time to blog today but thought I'd share this story.

24 May 2005
LIGHT-SABRE DUEL PUTS TWO IN HOSPITAL

TWO Star Wars fans are in a critical condition in hospital after duelling with lightsabres made by filling fluorescent light tubes with petrol.

The pair - a man aged 20 and a girl of 17 - are believed to have been filming a mock fight when one of the devices exploded in woodland on Sunday.

They were rushed to West Herts Hospital before being transferred to the specialist burns unit at Broomfield Hospital, Chelmsford, in Essex.

Police say a third person present at the incident was questioned.

Some people just should not be allowed to procreate. Ediat, ediat, ediat, diat ediat ting dat! I mean what could possibly go through your head to make you say hmmm let me take this here florescent light bulb and put gasoline in it so that I can pretend its a lightsaber. I'm sorry I just cant comprehend such thoughts.

Episode III

I watch Star Wars just to see Yoda


Well on Thursday night I saw Episode III. Need I say any more? I'm talking about Star Wars Episode III - Revenge of the Sith if you don't know what I'm talking about.

And I was not disappointed.

Ever since the original trilogy I think Lucas has done a better job with the darker films (see Empire Strikes Back) than he does with the ones where the good guys win. In this one the bad guys win, so this movie is definitely better put together than Episodes I and II.

Well I'm sure all of you know the storyline to this movie. Its basically how Anakin Skywalker turns to the dark side and becomes Darth Vader so we all know the outcome of the story right?

Ok well I wont ruin it by giving away any too many secrets but I thought the movie was pretty cool. Mind you I'm a sci-fi geek so yea of course I'd think it was cool.

However I do have the usual Jdid skewed outlook on the film and that skewed look has led me to blame Yoda for every possible ill that befalls that far, far away galaxy a long, long time ago. What do you mean Jdid you ask?

Well let me explain. I hope you guys know your Star Wars or have seen the movies. Yoda is one of the master Jedis, an elder wise in the ways of the force, infact one could say he is like the top Jedi. In Episode II he lets Count Dooku get away, I could live with that given the circumstances but in Episode III he fights the Emperor, loses and before he tries to rally a force to battle the Empire he runs away and hides. What gives? Yoda straight up punked out!. After all his "no try do or do not", he did not or more like naught as in zero, zilch, nada, not a damn thing but run into hiding. Yea I know he who fights and run away lives to fight another day but I still think Yoda aint nothing but a coward? Yea I said it, what? Word to Darth Vader!

Yoda is like the top Jedi how's he going to go out like that? Come on at least die for the cause or something.

And while we're on it. Its also his fault that Anakin got out of hand. Well actually its Obi Wan Kenobi's because at a certain point or rather points in Episode II Anakin just needed to be bitch slapped a few times. Don't pretend y'all don't agree. I seen you watching Episode II thinking damn that Anakin kid is really getting on my last nerve. He is so annoying I just want to hit him (Especially given the fact that Hayden Christensen cant act his way out of a cardboard box). So I blame Obi Wan Kenobi for not putting him in his place but since Yoda did help train Obi-Wan its still Yoda's fault.

Yea yea yea I know I'm picking on the green man. The green man cant get a break. But still I mean don't the Jedi have like an equivalent of detention or writing lines on a black board or standing in a corner? Some sort of discipline for a rowdy yout? Clearly Darth Vader would never have been created if Anakin Skywalker was disciplined as a yout. Somebody give him two slaps with the lightsaber please! So yea if Yoda was running a tighter ship as top Jedi then Darth Vader would not have been born so everything that befell the galaxy is Yoda's fault.

And on a side note, I was watching Episode II the other day since they keep showing all the old movies on tv as tie ins to Episode III. I've seen this movie a few times but something caught my attention this time. Its near the end where Count Dooku and his fellow conspirators decide to leave the planet as the battles raging. Its just before Dooku fights Anakin, Obi Wan and Yoda before escaping. Its where all the other dudes just leave the HQ and go to the hanger and grab some sort of ship and take off while Dooku has to take some flying contraption to another hanger halfway across the planet to get to his ship to take off. Ok anyone see where this is an issue?

No? Ok lets ignore the Star Wars galaxy for a minute and pretend that Dooku and his fellow conspirators were just your average run of the mill businessmen at the office for a meeting for perhaps say a hostile takeover. Now clearly from the movie setting Dooku is like the CEO of the company and the others are not at his rank. Dooku a run tings then if ya not understanding my point. He's the man!

So they all go to the meeting, its over and they all head to their transportation to leave the office. Now in what world doesn't the CEO gets the best parking spot available? The one closest to the office door, the one with the big reserved sign right that's the CEOs always right?

So how come as CEO of this whole droid army thing, one of the most powerful men in the galaxy, Dooku has to park his ship all the way over on the other side of the planet? Come on now, George who you fooling! You a disrespect my yout Dooku! Like what happened there was he late for the meeting and one of those insect looking dudes stole his spot and how come he didn't just straight use the force on them to make them move their old space jalopy? No wonder the Emperor wanted Darth Vader as his right hand and not Dooku, Dooku too soft, lol. And how sad is it that I'm relating Star Wars to the real world. Oh well at least I don't have a lightsaber or a stormtroopers outfit lol.

And on another side note, I got to call out Padme from episode II too. Look how she's wearing all that revealing clothing with her chest heaving around infront of my yout Anakin and then telling the man how he's a Jedi and he cant have those sorts of feelings for her. Well well well! Is pure slackness! Older woman seduce young bwoy lawd ave mercy.

Anyway enough crap for one day. Big up to my man Rogue for linking me with the new photo for the blog. Not sure you're reading but nuff respect son! Oh and in case you're wondering its a photo taken from Browne's beach looking into Carlisle Bay in Barbados.

The Dentist

Well I guess this week is the week to take shots at the medical profession. Just kidding Dr D. Actually considering how much medical assessments and procedures persons close to me are having this week I should be bigging up all medical workers everywhere and in truth yea I got a lot a respect for all them.

Still somebody ask me to post this thing here that I wrote about the dentist a few years back after one of my root canals. I was trying to make it a bit more understandable for my readers but most of it in bajan so y'all may get a crash course today. Anyway remember disclaimer: is just joke I'm making although I'm sure some of you have similar experiences. Oh and also I know some of my readers know my dentist so I not making fun of the bredren. If I go back to the man an him hurt up my mout unnecessarily I blaming you. Anyway enough disclaimer, read on.

The Dentist

I aint one of those fellas that duz frighten easy. People that know me can tell ya that. Actually to tell the truth I aint really scared of a fella even if he bigger than me, got two big rocks to pelt at me or even a gun to shoot muh dead. That doan worry me at all but ya know who I really frighten for …..the dentist.

Nuh lie people, I real, real frighten of the dentist. Dem fellas duz give me cold sweats and shivers up my spine an all sort a heart palpitations so I duz try my best to avoid them as much as humanly possible.

I know some a wunnah saying man you is bare boo! How you could be frightened for the dentist? Chupse! Man that aint nothing to be frighten for. Next you gine be telling we that you frighten for spiders and fellas in clown suits and them sorts of things so.

Well all wunnah can laugh at me but I will tell wunnah man this aint no sort of idle fright cause in most of my dealings wid de dentist I get unfair bad, bad, bad. The dentist duz leff me skin out, and catspraddle wid muh mouth open, dribbling an I duz cann do nuttin at all but sit there and tek it. So that is why I frighten of them fellas an duz try to avoid them like de plague.

I mean at one time I thought it was just specific dentists that was scary so I left off seeing one dat hurt up my gums an went ta another one and what he do but hurt up my jaw instead. Them first two did men so I decide alright let me get a woman dentist, she is of the fairer and gentler sex so she cant possibly be like dem big hardback men that hurt up my mouth. Wrong! Fairer and gentler sex what! Chupse! If anything de woman hurt up my mouth worst than them guys! Sitting in that chair, I was beginning to think that she was somebody I did know from someplace else and I had do her something wrong and she was trying to get she revenge on muh now.

The thing was that the female dentist shared an office with some other female dentists and all the assistants were beautiful young black women too so whenever I went there man I was in awe. Even before the novocaine incapacitate my mouth, my lips drop down to the floor. But I learn the hard way that it’s really hard to chat up women after ya had a dental procedure and ya mouth hurting. See me there trying to pose off hard by the secretary but then my mouth would start dribbling and my lips cant come together to make proper words so all chances of trying to get in even a little flirtatious word gone.

Anyway so I couldn’t chat up the ladies and the female dentist beating up my mouth as bad if not worse than the two fellows I saw before her so I say well alright enough a this hurt mouth ting, I know a fella that went school with me that is a dentist now so let me give him a try. We were friends at school never had nuh sorta trouble wid one another therefore so he shouldn’t have any sort of beef with me an try to willingly hurt me. But ya know what? I musse did do he something wrong that I doan remember and that he hold up in he thoughts to get back at me cause the man put sum lashes in my mouth two years ago an I didn’t want to go back to a dentist since.

Anyways I aint had much choice the past few weeks cause I feel a lil pain in one tooth. So I grudgingly mek the appointment and gone down scared as ever to get this thing sort out.

Now I swear dat whenever I go to any dentist they duz feel like dem juss win lotto or something so an be trying ta mek as much money off me as possible. Dem musse duz say well he don’t come to see us too often so when he come let we get as much money as possible one time cause we aint know when next we gine see he.

One time I went to a dentist and tell him that one a my up top back teeth hurting muh. De man look at me and say “man nuttin aint wrong wid dat tooth um is juss natural hurt ya experiencing doan worry bout it. But ya know ya got cavities here, here, here and here and ‘potential’ cavities here, here and here an oh yea ya know you could do wid braces too and what about them wisdom teeth them hurting ya? I swear when the man see my mouth he musse juss see a tooth buffet that he could pick cavities galore, root canals, wisdom teeth extraction all sort of things out of. .

Well, same thing happen today. Went in to the Dentist. “Doctor I loss a filling.” “Oh don’t worry bout dat too much but ya know this other filling brek off, that one loose and wait dem is wisdom teeth ya got back deyso? Man dem bothering you?”

And ya know I think all of these dental fellows family to George Bush cause they always talking about pre-emptive strikes and preventative measures and pre-emptive fillings an always trying to solve problems that don’t yet exist. Sizing up my mouth for invasion. Showing me diagrams and pointing at x rays talking talk like the military men at the press briefings on CNN bout ‘if we make an incursion at the root sending in the fourth artillery division with the silver amalgam filling as backup we can limit the spread of the cavity by bombarding it with a precise smart bomb filling strike forcing the cavity to retreat before it becomes a danger to the tooth around it. After that we send in the 3rd airborne and ……. ” or something so. Had me thinking my mouth is downtown Baghdad or Falluja as the novocaine started to seep into my head.

And ya ever notice how them duz tek de x-rays in the dentist office? The Dentist or he assistant duz put a big lead thing on your body supposedly to protect ya but really to stop ya from being able to get up and run away and then point the x-ray thing, that look like one of them laser guns on the Millennium Falcon, at your jaw like them trying to rob ya.

An as if the gun x-ray thing pointing at ya jaw dont frighten ya enuff, well what duz really get ya worries is that after the dentist or the assistant put the lead thing on you and getting ready to take the x-ray they duz literally run out the room like they frighten for the x-ray gun.

How safe are you, the patient, supposed to feel when you seeing the experts running like that? Man that duz really got me worried cause some of those dental assistants duz really take off outta that room like Ben Johnson in the starting blocks once they set up the x-ray thing. I duz be sitting there thinking “wait this thing like it dangerous. Look wait for me, wunnah aint leffin me in hayso wid this dangerous weapon. Ya lie! I aint ready ta die yet Looka let me dash way this heavy lead thing cause I right behind you”. I mean think about it, ya cant expect to point nothing so that look like a gun at a man jaw an den run out the room an leave him there so by himself. Wha the ting look like a gun with a big nozzle you could imagine wha size bullets dat must fire? Cuhdear man one shot wud tek off my head! That is unfair! I aint do wunnah nothing fa wunnah ta be treating me so.

Anyways once that x-ray thing done now and they put you to lie down now de first thing they doing is opening your mouth wide, wide, wide. Now ya duz gotta virtually hold dat pose de whole time ya in de chair too and depending on the procedure that could be anywhere from 15 minutes ta over an hour. Man last time I was there I had to hold my mouth open so long dat when I did finish I couldn’t get um push back down to normal. Had me walking bout fa a good few days wid my mouth and jaw skin up and people asking me if I had a stroke recently. nuh lie!

An den come the needle. Cuhdear I duz juss close my eyes cause sometimes the needle duz hurt an sometimes um don’t but just the anticipation of getting juk duz juss got me feel a certain way.

Now once dat novocaine start ta get in the system ya duz loss all sorta feeling in ya mouth. Which I guess is good for the dental procedures but when you gotta keep ya mouth skin open wide an that requires certain muscles an them aint working cause the jaw an gums gone sleep ya duz be in bare trouble. Dat duz be when them start mekkin ya mouth into a construction zone.

Dem duz bring out all of WMDs (weapons of mouth destruction) and start pelting in ya mouth one after another. Oh ya jaw wun stand open? ok we gine prop it open wid this thing here. And while we at it look lets put sum screws, a few long scraper looking things, a sander, a drill and a big hose in deyso too. Sometimes I think if I duz look up an see if a fella putting a mini shovel in there too cause with all them tools I can only conclude that them mixing concrete up inside my mouth or some sorta thing so.

And I aint know bout anybody else mouth but my mouth can only fit a certain amount a things in it at once so I duz gotta open wider and wider till ya jaw all but unhinge an de fella drilling an de assistant hosing out and suctioning out an they scraping an jucking and I there praying to God that my mouth will close when ya ready.

Actually it dawned on me that maybe the dentist and the assistant might not need all of those tools but in fact they got on some sort of side bet on how big my mouth actually is. I feel if I was to come early for the appointment I might hear something like “Boy he mouth real big den! I bet we could get 5 a de scrapers and 3 a dem screw things, a hose, the drill and even two pair a high heel shoes in deyso.”

Now during the procedure occasionally the dentist and assistant will tell you to rinse with some water but by that time the jaw and gums numb an ya lips feel like somebody skin dem back permanently. Ya duz cant even wrap ya mouth round de lil cup a water so before ya reach the sink properly ya all but dribbling all ova yaself.

Then ya back wid de twenty or so drills, screws, sanders inside your mouth and you juss hoping that de concrete dem mixing in deyso is the quick setting kind so ya can be over an dun wid de foolishness cause the man juking up ya mouth like sum kinda medieval torturer an ya know dat once the novocaine wear off ya gine be in some serious pain.

And then the dentist duz play he asking ya questions an all sorta small talk. Ya can barely think straight wid all the construction noise plus ya cant make no intelligent sound from your mouth just grunts but them trying ta make idle chatter with you. And with me, I deyso thinking “man I hope he know what he doing. Wait he shouldn’t be concentrating more on wha in my mouth instead of all this chit chat or um is juss he secretly laughing at me and showing off like “ha ha I can talk an you mouth full up a steel an you cant say a thing, ha ha ha”. And you cant even nod to nod when he say something come to think of it cause if ya move an he drilling bram! another tooth gone thru de eddoes so ya cann risk dat.

Well today the dentist pull out another tool on me that I never see yet. I aint know if George W and the CIA aware a this tool and if the weapons inspectors see um yet but um look like one of them ray guns you see pun old sci-fi movies with a big funnel looking piece near the end. Man when that get push in my mouth along with de sander, shovel, scraper, drill and thing that prop open my jaws I just didn’t know what to do. An I still aint know what the ray gun looking ting was for yet ya know cause dem point um in muh mouth a few times but I doan know wha de significance was.

Anyways so finally they finish an start disarming the WMDs and removing dem. The screws get tek out, the shovel , scraper, drill, ray gun all done with, and the thing propping up my mouth gone at last so now my mouth just flop shut like when the wind blow in a door. bram!

All like feeling desert my mouth long, long time an I cant even feel my top lip. Them give me sum more water, I dribble way all a it in to the sink and I try to say a few words like ‘man what I do to you that you treat my mouth so today?’ but my mouth wouldn’t cooperate with me and all one sided an I cant talk properly so all that come out was ‘mmmm mmmm mmmm mmmunmmm mm mmmmm mmmmmm.’ And I couldn’t even coordinate my lips and mouth properly to chupse. And the dentist just smiling at me.

So I juss left the office, all half foolish like, with the Novocaine still in my head, my cheeks and jaws hurting, and my facial muscles sore and not responding properly. I’m just hoping I can make it home before I run into someone I know cause I know de first thing I gine hear is “Well looka you doah! Boy wha happen to you, you had a stroke?” Cuhdear!

It done

Finally! After many weeks America's Next Top Model is over and let me say I'm glad its done. Doan know how or why I suffered through this thing lol. And the winner is..................


Naima! Just as was predicted in these here blog pages many weeks ago and then again last week. I guess I may know something about fashion after all.

It was close I think the judges almost gave it to Kahlen because they were saying Kahlen consistently photographed well but Naima pulled it out by acing the runway challenge and the Cover Girl AD shoot. Good for her.

Anyway wont recap the show here in too much detail as it was rather uneventful in my mind. It was a two hour finale so the first hour was spent recapping some of the moments from this season which I've already told you about. Brandi's hair drama, Rebecca's fainting spell (my personal favorite for the way I blogged about it, "Tyra Tyra oh shoot de girl fall down, wha we gine do" lol), Tiffany's drinking spell, Michelle's skin issue, Tyra's shouting match and all the other hijinks from this years show.

There was then a Cover Girl Ad shoot after which a supremely confident Keenyah was eliminated and then there was a runway show where the final two girls got to show their stuff and Naima came out on top.

Anyway now I have to look for something else semi-constructive to write on Thursday. Oh well!

Continuing on a fashion trend, has anyone here in T dot noticed the creative use of these tiny L.E.D's or some other type of small lights in clothing? This girl got off the bus at Kennedy yesterday and everytime she walked her shoes glowed with orange lights. I was trying not to laugh. Extremely distracting I say and how can I put this delicately Ok I cant that is just so ghetto!

Also I notice that Ponchos for the ladies are still in style this spring. I don't have anything against Ponchos but seriously if your Poncho looks like somebody is at home asking but wait where my bedspread gone or it looks like you wearing someone's comforter just don't do it. Trust me on this one! And no I not dissing bigger folks in Ponchos I'm talking about the type of Poncho, cause I see a couple of people with some heavy heavy material that just make me think that they took up the comforter juck a hole in the middle and throw it on.

And lawd ave mercy is it just me or are some of the school girls these days dressing like school women? Ok yea I cant say these days because I'm sure they were doing it in my day too but its kind of disturbing to see how some of the young girls dressing for school. Maybe its a sign I'm getting old that I'm noticing this stuff. I mean the 'kirts (dem too short to be skirts) that some of the catholic school girls wearing are bad enough but then some of the other school girls wearing some tight tight stretch to fit jeans and walking bout wining bout what they have and what they aint have. I see one girl the other day in a tight tight jeans , form fitting an ting so and I swear from the way she was carrying herself she was at least 23-24 and when ya hear the shout my girl get off with the rest a school children at the high school. And no I don't think she was a teacher. Lawd ave mercy! I hope R Kelly neva see she.

And non-fashion related but kind of interesting. This was the quote on Star Wars Episode III that I read in the New Yorker this week "The general opinion of "Revenge of the Sith" seems to be that it marks an improvement on the last two episodes "The Phantom Menace" and "Attack of the Clones". True but only in the same way that dying from natural causes is preferable to crucifixion."

Ouch! Now that's pretty harsh.

Ok and I hope Natty still reading my blog because I need a dream interpreted. Don't remember too much about this one but the two things I remember (ok promise wunnah aint gine laff at me) are one, I was talking to my parents, (well actually to set the scene ya gotta know that I have the same name as my dad) and one of them referred to me as "stupid jdid". So I was like but wait why wunnah calling me stupid for and they said they do that to differentiate between me and my father. Cuhdear , ya see I know wunnah laffin, how wunnah think I feel. cho it not funny ya kno! I thought wunnh was my friends.

And the next part of the dream I remember is I had a beetle or some sort of tiny bug under my skin in my left arm, well actually he was on the under the back of my left shoulder first and I ignored it and then somehow he found his way down to the inside of the left arm. Totally disturbing, crawled my skin literally, reminded me of the mummy. So Natty or any other dream interpreters help me out, and looka stop laffin at "stupid jdid" nuh. chupse.

Cough Cough!

So I went to see the doctor yesterday.

haven't been feeling 100% for the last few days and since it seemed like my body was in a furious Star Wars type battle vs the dark side on Saturday where the dark side won just like Episode III (out tonight yipee!) I decided ok for once let me just be careful and go see the doctor and find out what's wrong.

Now I know some folk who will run to the doctor with a any little slight injury like a broken toenail especially since up here in Canada where we got Universal health insurance so you're not coming directly out of pocket every time you go to the doctor. Me, I'm not down with that, I avoid doctors unless I cant help it or I feel that something really wrong with me. Add to that that I am an 'expert' at being sick. Boy if them had a job requiring 'ability to be sick, must have plenty prior experience' I would have recruiters liking down my door. I have lots of experience in childhood and also adulthood with illness particularly the cold and flu so I know what works with me, what doesn't work with me, what the first symptoms for my usual malady are and how to try to battle this stuff from the first signs. So all in all as much as my doctor is a cool West Indian dude, I don't really like to see him too often and I don't cause unless I think I have SARS I usually cant be too bothered with going to a doctor for my symptoms.

Another reason I don't like going to doctors is because not only do I usually have some idea what's wrong with me but I also got a clue what they will prescribe and its kind of a let down after the visit. But sometimes I give in to advice if the cold lingering or something so or like yesterday I say well just in case let me go cause I haven't been in a while and I've been sick a few times in the interim. Then I get the let down. The doctor will say something like 'ya just need rest' or 'is just a lil bug' that going around, ','go tek sum aspirin or rub up wid vicks or sumting so'. Well he's usually alot more professional than that but you get the drift. Man after that I cant help but feel a lil disappointed. Not that I'm complaining, I thank God um aint nuttin serious but I cant help but feel a certain way after I leff my home ta go see a doctor about illness and all he prescribe is rest and relaxation. Especially when I consider myself an armchair expert and don't go to him that often. LOL

Chupse! Intstead of coming to him to be told this all so I coulda been home holding a pieca sleep and relaxing instead of being in his office lettin him put a cold stethoscope on my chest and poking in my ear and under my tongue an ting so. Ya understand me?

And plus at least for me its not anything new he telling me, I duz already be rubbing down with the vicks or tekkin the echinechia or vitamin C and trying to relax already so its like did I really need an expert to confirm what I was already doing? Well actually I guess I did, that's why we go to them. Its more like we go to confirm just in case because with these millions of disturbing bugs around and all the symptoms sounding similar you just never know and they always say better safe than sorry.

Oh well I really aint complaining like I said cause I really don't want to go in the doctors office and hear 'boy you doan look suh good at all ya kno! ya like ya dying. Looka hol these three sets a pills. These blue wuns ya duz tek 5 times a day standing upside down wid flip flops on ya feet, dese white wuns ya gotta tek everytime ya sneeze and these pink set ya gotta tek while sitting down on a stool covering one nostril with a pieca tissue. Now whatever ya do doan mix up the pink wuns wid de white wuns or God help ya!"

Ok so that's way exaggerated but I was having fun with it and you guys understand me. Its not that ya want to be told that you have a real serious illness but when the brain feel ya sick ya duz feel a lil let down when a man juss say rest and relaxation. Almost like he trivialize ya symptoms or something so. Cuhdear!

Like one time, years ago, when I was in school, I went to another doctor and I knew I had a real bad flu. I was half deading and I went to the man and he look at me and all he say was "well looks like you have the flu." I just had to sit there and say to myself but wait wha kinda body he is doah? He got a degree in medicine or a degree in stating the obvious. Wha I know I got the flu dat is why I come to he, chupse! lol.

Anyway I'm not really poking fun at doctors, just sort of pointing out how our/my brains work when you/I think you're/I'm sick. You don't really want to be told you're sick but somehow being told you're not that sick just makes you feel like you've wasted a trip to the doctor. Did that make sense? Forgive me I sick, the brain not really working today.

Wait you is a bajan?

This was basically the question someone asked me on Friday night. I was like "cupse, man wha kinda foolish question you asking me doah, you like you mekkin sport! Of course I is a bajan."

It was kind of funny because it was a friend I met up here in Toronto and have known for quite a number of years but for some reason I never knew she was bajan and likewise somehow she never knew the same about me. It just never came up in conversation before. On Friday when this revelation was made it turned out she knew some bajan friends of mine here in T-dot that I didn't know she knew and one of her cousins at home turned out to be a bredren that I hang out with whenever I'm in the island. Small world I guess but its still sort of strange that we both didn't know we were from the same island.

I guess I do a pretty good job of keeping the accent under wraps (surprised aren't you?) unless I'm in the presence of known bajans or at home in Barbados. Maybe I've been assimilated by being in this country for so many years or maybe I've developed one of those generic what one of my friends calls 'West Isle' accents where the influence of being amongst so many different Caribbean cultures rubs off on your speech so that its not necessarily a true representation of your island but more like a generic mish-mash of other island slang lol.

Naa its not that, I may write a mish-mash of island slang but I don't speak it.

Actually its probably more like I just choose certain situations to speak differently. Different horses for different courses I guess so you wouldn't see me speaking in a Canadian accent most of the time at home and you wouldn't find me using my bajan when I'm at the office. Funny how I can turn the accent off and on at a whim without even really trying.

My wife used to laugh at me back in the day because she could always tell who I was talking to on the phone because anytime certain of my Caribbean friends called the bajan just switched on. Oh and apparently I have a special voice for girls on the phone as well, lol.

But then again I'm not big on conversation, just have never been much of a talker more of a listener. Maybe thats why people dont realize I'm a bajan. Oh the point here is two fold. One I dont talk much so they dont get to hear me speak so you wouldnt know that I'm a bajan and two I dont talk much so I'm not your typical bajan cause ya know my people duz talk nuff, nuff, nuff. To say the average bajan was loquacious is an understatement. Talk! Wuhloss summa my bajan people mout duz run like "sick nigga bottom." We love ta hear weself talk. ha ha ha

Yea ok this post had no direction.

Oh wait a minute, I should make a distinction between dialect and accents. Dialect is the actual words you speak, accent is how you speak them. So I could say "I am going to work" with a bajan accent but I could also say "I gine long hay ta work" which would actually be bajan dialect. Why'd I bring that up? Well sometimes people try to fake accents, especially from my viewpoint Caribbean accents, without knowing the structure of the dialect and its just terrible. Actually its rather insulting from certain aspects but that's another story for another day. I gine long hay ta work.

Crash

So last Thursday, I went to see that new movie Crash. The taglines for the movie said "You think you know who you are. You have no idea." and "Moving at the speed of life, we are bound to collide with each other."

Its a movie about a bunch of incidents where persons of different races and nationalities come together in not so nice situations. Where they actually collide or crash so to speak. Pretty much random incidents that could happen in any North American multicultural city on any given day.

All in all, I'd say its probably one of the best movies I've seen since 2003's House of Sand and Fog which was a rather touching story about a proud Iranian immigrant caught up in a drama over his newly bought house. Go watch that for yourself.

Now Crash explores some of the darker sides of the multicultural interaction namely racism both subliminal and in your face but mainly in your face as is to be expected in the movies. It might actually give one pause to think about any unpleasant interaction one has ever had with someone of another race or nationality. How much of what was said was due to some race issue and how much of what was thought but wasn't said was due to that as well. One can only guess. I personally try to assume its not a racial issue unless most hints point that way because I get annoyed at folks who play the race card on every single issue but sometimes it is a race issue and how you handle it I guess just depends on your personality and your mood.

Still that's a story for another time. The stories in Crash involve carjackers, cops, a locksmith, a small business owner, a District Attorney and some other intriguing characters and it has a pretty nice cast including Don Cheadle, Lorenz Tate, Brandon Fraser, Nona Gaye, Sandra Bullock, Terrence Howard, Thandie Newton, Matt Dillon, Michael Pena, Loretta Devine, Ryan Phillipe, Keith David and Ludacris who was actually pretty good for a rapper in an acting role. Actually one of the more ironic and amusing parts of the movie was Ludacris dissing rap music and its social effects on black folks.

So I'm not going to go into detail and review the movie. You can find that all over the web if you want. Its a good movie, I recommend it to all, go check it out, it'll make you think.

Now onto my rant. Maybe certain friends have rubbed off on me or I was just viewing the movie from a weird perspective but I think there were some underlying issues in this movie whether consciously included or subconsciously that were negative towards the brothers. So let me put on my Conspiracy Brutha (dats word to Dave Chappelle! get well soon son) hat for a minute and deal with some of it.

Well most/all of the characters in the movie were flawed in some way or another but from my perspective all of the brothers were portrayed negatively. Maybe a little too negatively. Ludacris and Lorenz Tate played the stereotypical gangstas, Don Cheadle's character was a policeman but he had some issues too, but the most intriguing black character was Terrence Howard's upper middle class black man role. It was one of those roles that Hollywood always seems to perpetrate which state that any black man who can be deemed successful or is not currently in the hood, selling drugs, unemployed, uneducated or working a blue collar job has somehow lost his black identity.

Its actually one of those annoying fallacies that we probably will be stuck with for a while because the current belief is that one must speak, dress and act a certain way in order to be black.

However on an even deeper note concerning Howard's character the message subconsciously conveyed to us is that black men even if they are successful and rich are unable to protect their black women. What do I mean? Well, in one scene, Howard for all his success was unable to protect his wife when she needed it and when she was in a life or death situation in another scene who attempted to come to her rescue? Nope not Howard but a white man. So maybe I'm sounding racist here but what I read into that storyline was this underlying suggestion that black men are unable to be protectors of their women whilst white men still retain that power. Another attempt to belittle the black man and castrate the black male psyche perhaps?

Ok Conspiracy Brother Hat off now. That's all I had to say on that. Just an alternate view to open up some dialogue and get folks to think.

On another note I also thought that too much was done to explain the racism of Matt Dillon' character and also to redeem Sandra Bullock's character. Lets face it some folks are just racist and that's all there is to it. Ok that's glossing over it since it is deeper than that. But sometimes some folks are just racist and there is no redeeming quality about them or hope for them becoming less racist as the movie would have you believe. But this is Hollywood so of course they tried to explain it all.

Still I'm just nitpicking, its a great movie with a lot more to see than what I just talked about. The scenes with Michael Pena's locksmith character are especially touching. Go check it out.

World Premier!

For all my hip hop heads. Hip Hop Quotables is here.

Basically you've seen me quote numerous hip hop songs on these pages and that probaby wont stop when he vibe hits me but I figured I'd do a blog with just hip hop quotes where I give the visitors a chance to show their skillz and guess which song and mc the given lyric was from.

Dont worry I know alot of you here arent into hip hop but if you are check out Hip Hop Quotables. And dont worry it shouldnt detract from the quality or number of posts that this blog gets per week because this one is where I get my creativity on.

Peace!

In pain , in pain, in pain

Started to head back to the gym this week and hit the weight room. Hence the title of this blog. Everytime I go back my muscles complain so the first day my back and chest were hurting and then after the second workout my triceps and shoulders are in pain. Well could be worse, the other muscle groups I worked could actually be painful too. Oh well this too shall pass.

Actually going to the gym was kinda cool. I usually have this whole momentum issue with the gym. When I stop its hard for me to go back but once I start its hard for me to stay away. And not to sound too cocky or anything but I actually think I'm not in as bad a shape as I could be for someone who hadn't really worked out seriously in over 6 months. Yes round is still a shape lol. All I've been doing is playing squash I guess that does keep you in shape after all.

But yea boy back to the weights fa real and I was feeling real nice cause I was looking at myself in the big gym mirrors and saying boy ya aint look too bad and ya could still stan up nexx ta all the regular gym goers ya see and not look outta place. Then I get home an tell the wife and she look at me and say "but ya know when you at the gym ya dont lift heavy enuff fa a man you size." Cuhdear de woman say I weak, bring muh down to earth one time. I tell ya!

Well today's blog I'm just rambling so a few things to tackle. Really good post to read this week is Marlo's post about being prepared for marriage. Pretty nice stuff.

Also Xquizzyt1's Heavy Topic is kinda heavy. Hmm maybe not lighthearted enough for weekend reading but I think its kind of one of those things you probably should read.

My sista Wigit aka the Mad Traveller made a welcome return to the T-dot. Been about 18 months since last she's been this way so we hung out a bit yesterday. I swear the girl get shorter from that stay in Taiwan or maybe I'm still growing. I have to cuss her though cause she fire the blog now a good few months.

Even worse news for Dave Chappell fans than the postponement of his series. Dude checked himself into some sort of mental health facility in South Africa. Read here. Oh man that's rough. Still as de wife point out to me is a good thing that if he knows he has some issues he put himself in a place where he can get some help as opposed to that rnb yout Houston who clearly had mental problems and went an dig out he eye a few months back. So Dave I wish you all the best and a full recovery.

A judge in a court in Barbados gave an ease to three men arrested after the one day cricket match on Wednesday against South Africa which the West Indies lost. Two of the men were charged with abusing a policeman and one other for fighting but the prosecutor and Judge said that considering how much crap the West Indies team play to grab defeat from the jaws of victory on Wednesday that the guys could be forgiven for their transgressions cause everyone was upset over the match. So with the accused all apologizing the cases were dismissed. Ah ha! Finally the West Indies cricket team are good for something. lol.

Anyway that's about all. I've got to put in some work hours today, that sucks. Oh well with luck I wont be at the office too long. Have a good weekend, Monday I've got to talk about the movie Crash.

And then they were three

For Previous America's Next Top Model (ANTM) updates click here

Yep, I came back to blogging about ANTM again. Sigh!
Why cause I feeling real smart today after watching last nights show and seeing who the top three are. Remember these words that I uttered here?

Ok so now let me inject my own personal take on this show. First off its a given its silly and a bit annoying at times but I've been watching too much so now I have favorites. I'm hoping either Keenyah, Naima or Kahlen wins and I would hate to see Rebecca or Tatiana win. There those are my stated biases. Brittany, Tiffany and Michelle don't really stand a chance and Christina could be a dark horse.

See how I managed to pick the top three many weeks ago? Damn I'm good, if only I could pick Lotto numbers so. Tyra looka if ya need a new judge next year that know how to pick dem gimma a call I'm available.

Anyway after two or was it more weeks of no ANTM updates from me I'm back.

The whole crew is in South Africa and this week we were down to 4 contestants; Keenyah, Naima, Kahlen and Brittney. Keenyah has managed to piss off most of the other girls with her attitude because she's focused on the gold now and will step on anyone to get the win. Also a big issue is that Keenyah cant stop eating bread and the woman getting fat (for a model that is). Them say they had to touch up her photos cause her belly getting too round. Lawd ave mercy! Is like the woman addicted to carbs or so the clever editing of the show would make one believe. If that is so I don't think she will last too long in this model business.

On Wednesday's show the girls were taken into one of the townships outside of Capetown to a community center where they were thought how to do some traditional African dance. Then they had to perform before a crowd. Well what can I say. Some people have some rhythm and Kahlen just aint had none. Poor thing seems afraid of her body almost. Her movements are just stiff. Keenyah was trying to make friends with the other dance troupe members by trying to play up the whole I'm black and I'm so happy to be amongst my people thing. Actually I believe she said something along the lines of "as the only black contestant here" totally ignoring the fact that Naima is black too. Well she got a lil mix up mix up in her but nobody on this hemisphere aint pure black anyways so she black. Why is it the light skinned sisters get no love? Cuhdear. Anyway despite her being slighted as not being black Naima predictably won this challenge as she is the most graceful of the bunch and the last one left with any dance experience.

Ok here comes the fun part. The girls were taken on a tour of the infamous Robbin Island. They are told they will visit Nelson Mandela's cell. Keenyah asks Brittany if Nelson Mandela is still alive? What? Ya mean the girl that bigging up how black she is and how happy she is ta be in the motherland aint even know if Mandela still living? Well well well. She mek muh shame. Is really sad aint it.

Anyway the girls did get to visit Mandela's cell, Keenyah wanted to be the one given the chance to unlock the door to the cell seeing as in her mind she is the only black contestant but it was given to Naima. Both of them were actually tearful when they got inside the cell. I guess a moment like that in a place like that would do that to ya. Made me remember when the black guy and his daughter broke down crying at the Point of No Return on Goree Island during Amazing Race a season or two back.

Onto the photo shoot. It was a shoot where the girls cavorted with three male models to promote some random product. Shows how much I paid attention. The girls were supposed to be dancing similarly to what they were taught the day before at the Community Center.

Well Naima had an excellent shoot cause homegirl can move and at this shoot she showed them that she could take great pictures in profile which was the complaint they made about her the previous week. Up steps Keenyah to do the shoot but one of the male models was getting a bit too frisky with her and she stopped the shoot and had a lil cry about it. She said the man was making moaning noises that was making her feel uncomfortable. I aint know about the moaning noises but my yout had this look in his eyes like a hungry man looking at a buffet table.

She was able to finish her shoot though and then the other two girls did theirs. Rushing through their shoots I found Brittany's movements a bit strip club ish , give the girl a pole to work with nuh, and Kahlen's movements were non existent.

The girls then went to dinner with the male models which made for quite the evening as Keenyah eat the people food and drinks and then aint had no money to pay for it. This led to a big argument between her and Brittany where everything under the sun was brought up and Brittany claimed that Keenyah was forever going on about her blackness but then still didn't even know if Mandela was alive. She also said that Keenyah was selfish. "Its about to be a what Girlfight!" I was hoping someone would go all Brooke Valentine up in there. Speaking of Brooke Valentine what's up with her coming out the same time as a dude named Bobby Valentino. Two a them plan to have similar names so? Its confusing. Anyway back to ANTM. The argument made for nice drama with a bit of shouting and Naima trying to ignore the two while poor little Kahlen cried because she doesn't like raised voices.

So it came down to judging time. To be honest I thought Kahlen was gone for sure given her poor performance last night but somehow she survived. Janice and one of the other judges made some comment about Keenyah's fat to which the guest judges, both South African, and Tyra both said well amongst black people she would still be on the really skinny side. Guess it helps to have black judges if you're the carbaholic black girl.

So at the end of the night Brittany lost out and was cut. Who wins next week. I'm not sure I should choose but whatever I'll break it down like this.

Kahlen has the most typical model body but I think she has issues with grace, style and movement (Trya ya listening girl I breaking it down call a brother for a job). Add to that she's really shy as well so I don't know if she can make it.

Naima is by far the most graceful and probably the most beautiful of the three. She's come a long ways from the girl I nicknamed Foghorn Leghorn for her fowlcock hairstyle at the start of the show. She may also be the smartest of the three although seeing as how none of dem aint rocket scientists that aint saying alot. However she's still a bit shy which may work against her favor but she seems to have a quiet confidence.

Keenyah is also very beautiful and with her attitude I think she could fit into the industry quite well. Not that she diva-ish or anything so but she is assertive and seems to know what she wants, she's got drive. The carb eating and putting on fat in the midsection thing naa mek it though.

So who wins next week? I'm going out on a limb and giving you Jdid's ANTM which would be Naima however we'll see if the judges agree with me on Wednesday.

Number 1 Spot!

Whoa! Don't slip up or get got! (Why not man?)
I'm comin for that number one spot! (Alright)

Ludacris - Number 1 spot

Ok I used the same song yesterday but I felt it was more than valid for today's post about the Amazing Race finale last night.

Joyce and Uchenna won the million dollar prize whoopee! And there was much shouting and praises and jubilation and people doing the whop in the land. Well at least at my home where people were screaming and shouting and doing dixie lol.

But let me say that this final episode was a real emotional rollercoaster ride. We as viewers backing this team went from the depths of despair when they were last to the heights of ecstasy when they were winning.

Joyce and Uchenna had a flat tire on the way to the pit stop and ended up last on the penultimate leg. This left them stranded in Jamaica with no money to start the final leg. Then they made what I thought was a strategic mistake by assuming that tourists at the airport would give them funds rather than try begging a local man for a pieca change. They got to realize them black and them in a country where the tourists probably get beg fa money by other black folks already so in most likelihood they would probably not give them anything.

Anyhow Joyce and Uchenna somehow survived Jamaica even though they looked like they had never been in a kitchen in their lives when asked to chop up 50 onions. Onto Puerto Rico it was where they managed to stay even and in some cases lead the other two teams; Rob and Amber celebrities amongst the reality tv crowd and Ron and Kelly a rather disfunctional couple from Texas.

Now me a tell ya from the start I don't like Rob and Amber, dem people play the race too dirty, too much backraising and underhand business a gwan wid them from the start. Then my man Rob when they reach Jamaica let off one line about "ahh the smell of a third world country." Wha de rass dat supposed ta mean? Chupse! Another blasted idiot!

Anyway at the end of the Puerto Rico leg Rob and Amber led and made it onto the 10:00 flight to Miami. Uchenna and Joyce followed them and made it to the gate just in time to watch it close. One could see their despair as it dawned on them that this was probably the key moment that lost them the money. I was cussing them and swearing never to watch the show again cause the fix was in. The gate was closed, and the plane doors basically closed and then miracle of miracles somehow the Captain of the plane decides to take them aboard. And people duz ask me why I skeptical about reality tv lol. Why cause clearly that was setup, nuh plane captain aint opening no doors fa nuhbody so. Wunnah mekkin sport! Well anyway that was the break Uchenna and Joyce needed and they utilized it to get ahead of Rob and Amber in Miami and ultimately win the race.

But to show how nice they are as people even at the finish line they didn't want to go in to win without having paid the taxi driver and they were about 45 dollars short. Man they stood there begging others for the taxifare for a good while when they could have run in and won. Man that's just crazy.

But they deserve their fortune cause Joyce had to shave off her hair on one leg and they were actually helpful to other teams in the race so I got to give them props. As for the money well from the get go they said they were in it to win the money to go try some invitro fertilization so Joyce could get pregnant so I say hey best of luck to them and congrats. And yo can ya see fit ta lend a brother a little loan.

Yea Baby!

Causin lyrical disasters, it's the master
Make music for Mini-Me's, models and Fat Bastards
These women tryin to get me out my Pelle Pelle
They strip off my clothes and tell me, "Get in my belly!"
Stay on the track, hit the ground runnin like Flo-Jo
Sent back in time and I've never lost my mojo
Ladies and gentlemen ahh, boys and girls
Ludacris sent down to take over the whole world!

Number 1 spot - Ludacris

For some reason I just like this song. Maybe its the Soul Bossa Nova sample from Quincy Jones that Luda uses or the way that he manages to inject like a "million, ga-zillion, fa-fillion" Austin Powers lines like "fazha fazha and hey I love gold" and "shag now and shag later...". Mind you I know that my Canadian people might remember that Dream Warriors rocked that same sample back in the day to some acclaim with "My Definition of a Boombastic Jazz Style" but hey that was like 89 or 90 wasn't it so most folks probably don't even remember that. Oh well!

Today I'm just going to chat about a few lil things that come to mind nothing too serious. Got this email from the Air Canada Center's (ACC) mailing list (no idea how I got on it mind you) today advertising some big upcoming reggae show featuring Coco Tea, Elephant Man , Lady Sow and Buju Bantan. I had to pause for a minute Lady who and buju who? Cuhdear I mean she doan actually get on like nuh lady but now wunnah calling she Lady Sow, wuhloss. Next thing dem wud be telling me is featuring a wuman dat duz behave like a hog. Serious ting dat! Not that I saying Lady Saw duz act like a hog mind ya, I kinda like her music a bit but I don't understand how big corporate people could send out a big email wid de people names spell wrong so. I bet if it was Shania Twain or sumbody so I wouldn't get nuh email saying Shania Twin or Shania Twang nor nuttin so. Chupse!

Also I remember the last time I went to the ACC I saw a sign saying no gang colors allowed inside. I've also been seeing this sign at other places in Toronto which is all well and fine .....except.... nuhbody neva tell me exactly what these so called gang colors are in Toronto. I mean if you gine put up a big able sign saying no gang colors allowed you mekkin a big assumption that it is well known to all and sundry what these specific gang colors are. I would counter that such is not the case and that these signs need to be more specific. And not just because they don't want me to wear gang colors to enter their establishment but just as a public service to stop innocent people from mistakenly putting on gang colors and getting into trouble. I mean suppose now I put on my black and green pinstripe polkadot shirt wid de pink collar and it just so happen that that is a gang color. Next ting ya know I walking down the road and some pieca idiot shooting at me and wunnah hear I pushing up daisies.

Ah pushing up daisies slang for ya dead and buried 6 feet deep. Slang isn't it amazing how slang has really penetrated our everyday speech? What duz really get me is when someone really uncharacteristic starts using slang or its used in places that just shock you. For instance boy I remember when tv sports reporters discover Jamaican slang in the form of Booyaka! Oh gosh boy I couldn't turn on a sports channel without hearing some idiot saying something like "Jordan on the break and Booyaka!" To be honest I found it rather annoying. I blame Shabba doah, if he din going on about "booyaka booyaka its Shabba Rankin" in Trailor Load a Girls nun a this wudda happen.

But the worse is when somebody using slang and they don't really know what it mean or people around them don't really know what it mean. Like sometimes these people duz use the slang and the radio and tv people really don't know that they using curse words and playing it nuff. I remember there was this terrible rapper named Mc Brains back in like 90 or 91 who had a bit of a minor hit called "oochie coochie la la la" and in the middle of the song the man used ta buss out wid 'gimme de punnany, punnany, punnany!" and I used to see this video all over the place up hayso and think a wha kinda slackness dat. Boy if these tv people ever knew what this man was really singing on their stations this song would have some serious bleeps all in it or nuff people would be calling in to complain about how them corrupting the moral fabric. Cuhdear.

Don't call it a comeback

Don't know if any of you guys are like me but I like a good science fiction yarn. Give me a Star Wars or a Star Trek type saga anyday and I'm happy.

And after years of just one or two decent sci fi series like Babylon 5 and the ongoing Star Trek dramas which have pretty much run their course this year I'm happy to say that it appears that sci-fi is making some big moves. Well given that the only things on TV these days appear to be either legal or crime series or "reality" shows its kind of cool to see some of my old favorite sci fi series like Dr. Who and Battlestar Galactica being remade and new series like Charlie Jade being created. It actually shows that maybe there is some hope for creativity on television.

Then on the big screen we have the Hitchhiker's Guide just arriving a week ago and running things at the box office and then the one we've all been waiting for Episode III starting May 19th.

Yep Star Wars Episode III, will it be at all worth the hype? I've been a Star Wars fan, not obsessive wear the costumes and line up for days like fan but fan nevertheless, for like forever but episodes I and II really tried my patience. Episode I was just boring and Episode II needed some better editing because they made it way too long.

Still you've got to give props to a series like Star Wars in which the original movie was released back in like 76 and here 30 years later the fans spanning generations are still hyped about the release of another movie. That's some pretty nice staying power. George Lucas really hit the jackpot with that one.

Anyway this is not an ode to George Lucas, he'll get his props here some other time. This year just seems like a year where sci fi has made a nice comeback. I'll willing to claim that the new Battlestar Galactica series was the best thing I watched on TV this past year. Complex characters, an intriguing plot, action it had it all. I cant wait for season two to start.

I'll be honest I was one of those a bit skeptical when I heard they were remaking this series which first aired in 1978. I was like man first musicians take every old song and some not so old that I like and remake them, and now Hollywood is ruining my old TV series. Then I missed the miniseries and started watching from the first episode after the miniseries. I was totally confused as to what was going on. The characters were so much more complex than the old series. The cylons looked human, the humans had their own petty jealousies and weren't pulling together to all fight a common foe, the XO had a drinking problem, two crew members were having an affair, the commander and his son had beef, Boomer wasnt black anymore, Starbuck was a woman, and what was up with that weird Dr. Baltar dude who kept seeing Canadian super model Tricia Helfer (ok is she considered a super model or just a model, I cant keep track of these things) while no one else saw her.

The series grew on me and I must say it was rather nice. Not that anyone really cares because I dont think I attract the sci fi crowd here.

Mind you I think I have TV habits directly opposite those of the general viewing public because everytime I get into a show it gets cancelled like they did to Dark Angel and John Doe. Hmm hopefully I haven't doomed Battlestar Galactica by saying I like it now. Oh well!

Happy Mothers Day

To each and every one of you ladies who read my ramblings. I hope you all have a great day.

Got to give my mom a call in the morning to wish her happy mother's day. Just realized that its been quite a while since I last saw either of my parents actually. Something like almost a year and a half. Actually since I've been here in Toronto I don't think I've seen my mom on an actual mother's day during the last decade except for once in 1999.

Just wished things had worked out different I guess but a so it go and I'm here while she's in Barbados. So yep I miss having my mom near me especially on days like this although truth be told mother's day has never been a big deal with my mom. No big deal, no fancy lunches, no flowers, just a happy mother's day. Another day more or less but at least one where I saw my mom.

So I reminisce on my mom especially on days like this. Got to blame/praise her for who I am now because I think she raised my right. She thought me to fear God and to do what's right, she thought me how to respect women and how to respect myself. She thought me not to take any crap. She thought me that education was important and to use common sense. She thought me that if you don't understand something you need to be asking questions, she thought me that you shouldn't put yourself in stupid situations if possible. Use ya common sense nuh lol.

She told me stories and read to me before I could read for myself probably inspiring my creativity. She thought me that one has to be careful in choosing friends and that friendships are two way streets and if one person is putting in all the work then its not a friendship anymore. She thought me about integrity, striving to be the best and how to work hard. Work hard, yea my mom is like the hardest working person out there that I know. Its like she never stops going. If she's chilling then either she's in church or she's sick. Tried to get her to slow down but that's just the way she's always been.

I wish my mom understood me better though.

I wish I was located closer to my mom, that I could do more for my mom, that I could see my mom more often because I know these things will haunt me when she dies. In these things I feel like I've somehow failed. Wish I had done things differently or had made different choices or that I was able to give back to my mom what I think she deserves. But I guess nothing is ever big enough or enough to repay one's parents for what they've done for you. Still wish I could do more though. Makes me feel like a big failure sometimes. Oh well, maybe one day I can do more inshallah.

Happy mother's day.

Quick thing

Just going to dash in a quick blog today.

Saw XXX - State of the Union last night. It wont win any Oscars but given what it is; an action film, its actually not that bad a movie. At least I didn't feel cheated out of my 10 bucks like I do sometimes when I go to the movies. If you ask me the storyline may even be more coherent than the first one and Ice Cube's Darius Stone is probably one of the better roles he's taken recently since Darius just reminds me of the old glaring bad man Ice Cube from the Amerikka's Most Wanted days who claimed he was album that N*** ya love ta hate. Wonder why State of the Union isn't making as much cash as the first Triple X though? Is it because Vin Deisel is missing or is it that with Ice Cube, Xzibit, Sam Jackson and Nona Gaye its being perceived as a black film or is it just that everyone thinks the movie sucks? By the way Nona Gaye is hot.

Yesterday was elections in Britain and Tony Blair won an historic third term although with a dramatically reduced majority. What's interesting to me here is I've been reading some stories about his Chancellor to the Exchequer (that's finance minister in common folk language) Gordon Brown who was/is also his rival for the top job in the Labour party and is looked at as the heir apparent to the position of PM. Apparently at times their relationship has been rather frosty since Brown is itching to get that spot. Remind you Canadian guys of anyone? Yep good old current Canadian PM Paul Martin. Martin was Prime Minister Jean Chretien's Finance Minister as well and coveted that PM position so badly that he really pushed Chretien into retirement. But as the saying goes be careful what you wish for because your wish may come true. So Martin got his PM spot but now he is having quite a battle dealing with scandals and holding his minority government together too. I hope that Mr Brown don't end up the same way.

Third thing to talk about; NBA playoffs. Boston vs Indiana, Paul Pierce almost totally screwed it up for Boston last night getting tossed at the end of regulation. It was Indiana's game to win at points but they messed up and Boston won taking it to a game 7. Houston vs Dallas also going to game 7. Should be fun on Saturday night. Go Indiana, Go Dallas (hush Abeni!).

And finally while checking Yahoo for a story on the British elections this headline caught my attention Whore College offers hands on Training. Sign of the times. Have a great weekend folks.