Happy new year

May all my readers have a happy and blessed 2010.

Old Time Christmas -one more time

Did this one about two times before but the last time was 2006 (imagine I had more commentors then than I have now. Boy this de-recession got liking even mi blog) and thought I'd sort of remix it (a third time) and offer it up again. Its a long post (even by my standards) so tek ya time and read it and in case I don't blog again before Christmas all the best and Enjoy the Holidays.

de de do do doo doo doo

I took the role of lead singer
Parang soca in Arima
Fans heard of my parang band so thousands flocked the grandstand
Ne-ville Cook was the mc
When he intro-duced me
People jumping like carnival
To my rendition of serenal??

Alpacata alpacata
Who no rampu no paratha
Maria Maria Maria!
Me choroson
From Port o Spain to Faisabad everybody know Jdid mad
Maria Maria Maria
Me choroson

Was listening to the calypsonian Crazy sing some parang yesterday (I still cant decipher those words even though I've heard this song a million times) trying to get myself into the real Christmas spirit. Didn't work lol. Might be too late for me but give me the old time parang, a Christmas ham cutter and

"a gallon a rum, a gallon a rum, all I want is a gallon a rum
..........ya bringing ya family ta eat me out
and then in January cant even buy a stoute".

So my selector rewind cause, ol time Christmas come back again if not for real at least in my memories. For me it was all about the music, the food and the Christmas program at the Church.

Christmas back then to me was more that the one day. As a child there was so much anticipation of the actual Christmas day that sometimes when it arrived it was a bit anticlimactic.

But leading up to that actual day. Oh wow! Fun and excitement cann dun!

In Barbados, once Independence day was finished and December 1st hit, bram! Christmas music would be pounding down non-stop on our local stations; CBC, VOB and Reddifusion. Big tunes like this spouge one:

wha ya gonna gi me fa Christmas I need something from you
give me something for Christmas boy and I'll give you something too

and this one in parang

Hurray hurray hurrah!
Hurrah hurrah dey say!
Our savior was born today
It was through his light
While a shepherds (plight)??
for they just couldn’t believe dere eyes
And when he come a man
Ya kno dem non-christian, get tagetha an pound nails in he hand
And on the third day he rose again
So ya see he shed his blood fa we!

You just couldn't resist the Christmas fever with sweet music like that. It definitely put you in the proper frame of mind for the season. It was an eccletic mix, reggae, soca, gospel, parang, spouge, r n b every music under the sun. From Felic Navidad (Prospero ano y Felicidad) to Good King Wensalas. Big tune dat! Merrymen, Draytons Two, Singing Francine, Nat King Cole, Crazy, Michael Jackson, Jacob Killa Milla artists of all genres. Music coming from every radio in the neighborhood, transistor, radiogram, stereo, every store speaker downtown, everywhere. Just total immersion in Christmas music.

Around neighborhood in Barbados everybody was busy painting both the inside and outside of their house and putting up new curtains, making the place look pretty, pretty, pretty just trying to get things looking special for that one day. Moving the furniture around and choosing some nice bright colors for the inside and outside walls. All like now, I would have paint in my hair, on my hands, on my skin and be trying to use the turpentine to wipe it off but just ending up with my skin looking dry and ashy and smelling of turpentine. Boy I do so much painting as a yout helping my father that I was a painting pro before I reach 12.

Verandas and outside walls being painted in bright colors as everyone tries to out do their neighbor in the painting arena. If one man gone yellow another one gone blue or green with brown trim or cream with aqua marine trim or something so. Every color under the sun and everybody turn superstar painter like dem middle name is Picasso.

Santa Clause, do you ever come to the ghetto (ghettoe-oo!)
Santa Clause, do you ever wonder why we suffer so
Santa Clause, When will you come to the ghetto (ghettoe-oo!)
Santa Clause, we would love to see how those reindeers go.
We aint gonna fuss,
We aint gonna fight,
But where are the presents that you brought for us.

The curtains made from fabric that you bought down by Swan Street or Kirpilani or from Miss Ram or that you 'truss' from the "coolie man" in the Suzuki van (that rhymes) who would then have hell to get certain folks to pay. When January came, anytime there was a knock on the door or window you would see certain houses get real real quiet instantaneously and their inhabitants peeping from behind the said same curtains they "truss" to see if it was the coolie man coming for his money.

Sorry boss, all the money dash way on Christmas and they cant afford to pay even a little installment. So Coolie man standing up in the hot sun with the van motor running, looking screw screw and every passerby he asking 'wait you see mistress so n so dat live hayso? You know wha part she gone?" And everybody just responding in the negative cause them know too well that Miss so n so hiding behind the curtains but they wont say so cause well when is them turn to truss from the coolie man they going do the said same thing. So poor coolie man can only stand and knock and get agitated and then go along about his business and check back the next week when the whole scenario played out one more time.

But don't feel too bad for him ya kno! Yes boy fa now they had the coolie man fooled but in the long run they still paid him and he still made his nice lil profit so that by next year no more Suzuki van but he had a little small store in Swan Street all bought and paid for from those little ends of cloth he had sold that Christmas. Cause you could only run from the coolie man so long before ya had to pay him because people would get 'fraid that he put the steel donkey pun them doah!

And lets not talk about the curtain fabric. All sort of designs, all sort of bright pretty pretty cloth which the women would sit with at night in the weeks before Christmas and slowly turn into curtains for the windows and doors. They either worked by hand, with a needle and thimble, getting the youngsters with sharper eyesight to thread the needle as the night got darker or using one of those old time clunky heavy duty Springer sewing machines. Is serious iron them things made out of boy! Solid solid solid and well made to last a lifetime.

Of course in making the curtain they had to match the colors of the house or sometimes the house colors would be chosen after the curtain colors. I aint sure which one led and which followed but you couldn't have a new paint job without new matching curtains cause that would look like ya aint got no style or no money and no one wanted anyone to believe either one of those.

Even if the curtains were finished a week or two before Christmas you would wait till Christmas eve or a day or two before Christmas to get up on the chair and put them up. So Christmas eve all you would hear is the rapping of hammers hitting nail heads, pounding out a distinctive Christmas melody as those new curtains went up at every house. It was a Christmas tradition cause those curtains had to look bright and new for the Christmas morning.

(baron version)
Mumma mumma
Would you like to join your sonnie
I am over here happy in this cold cold country
Darling for this Christmas
I hope everything is happy
come and join the chorus cause we will be having a party

Meanwhile the fruit for the Great Cake was steeping in rum, brandy, and wine since long time gone in September or even before that. Cherries, Raisins, Currents, mixed peel, that you had to help grind up in one of those old fashion hand mixers with the handle that you turned, all seeping up the alcohol. I tell ya, If ya eat two pieces of that cake when it dun, ya best not be driving anywhere lest the policeman ketch ya..............Matter a fact ya eat two pieces of that cake ya gine sleep cause that thing potent after all the fruit absorb all that liquor.

Dem church sisters may not touch a drop of alcohol but give them pieca great cake and I guarantee that their blood alcohol level on par with the fella that been hitting the bottle up by the corner rum shop since morning. This cake serious ya know! If it was North America a yout would have to show ID to get pieca cake.

And that cake taste real nice. Almost as nice as the ham when you cut off three slice and eat wid two sodabix or put it in a fresh salt bread and add a lil pepper sauce. Something bout a Christmas hamcutter that just taste better than any other sandwich in the world back then.

Everything nice, nice and in abundance. Nice n Nuff!

Sing we Noel, Calypso Noel
Sing we Noel, sing sing sing sing
Sing we Noel, calypso Noel
sing we Noel sing

A few days before Christmas my mom would give me a whole heap of green peas to shell. See me sitting at the dining room table feet dangling, bag of peas bigger than young Jdid. On one side two big bags full of pea husks, worms and and the occasional pea chink, the discards from the process and on the other side about a half a tray of fresh green peas. It would take a good hour or two to finish all that shelling even when I wasn't taking regular breaks to play with the big fat cream colored or green worms that came out of some of the pea shells. By the time I was finished the job after my mother had warned me about 6 times not to eat my handiwork my hands would smell of peas and chinks and my finger nails would be all green but there was enough peas in the tray to make our Christmas peas and rice dish cause Christmas in Barbados just wasn't Christmas without rice and peas using fresh green peas.

Yea true you could go down Cheapside market and get a few pints of already shelled green peas but it was so much cheaper to just get me to do all the hard work especially since we had two pea trees in the back yard.

Church bells ring a ling
Angels sing a ling
Happy Birthday Jesus
Snowflakes ding a ling
Sleighbells jing a ling
Happy Birthday Jesus
All year long we wait
just to celebrate this Christmas morn

Anyway about a day or two before Christmas suddenly ya nostrils perk up like when the dog smell his dinner on the way. I talking bout them pot starvers (mongrels) we used to own dat was real dogs not these poor great North American pretenders that cant even chew two chicken bones without getting sick. Is Kibbles and Bits fa them if ya please! No leftovers! Wha up ta last week I was telling the wife dat back when I was growing up we din need no recycling green bin for leftovers, we had a natural recycling device. He did name Rover or Spot or Blackie or Brownie or sometimes he was just de Dog. But nowadays dogs get posh and only eating brand name, store bought food. What a ting! Chupse!

Anyway I digress. Selector bring back some music to set the mood.

I've got that old feeling
that seems to fill the air
Its Christmas in my Caribbean land
and though there's no snow or sleigh bells to be heard
this feelings oh so grand!
now soon the bells will be ringing
choirs singing in good cheer
and old forgotten friends are brought to mind
oh tell me of this feeling
why cant this Christmas feeling exist amongst all people through the year (oh yea!)

I going wake up real merry
bake me jug and me turkey........

Not much Christmas lights when I was growing up. Too expensive to buy plus electricity was also expensive. Just one or two houses did the big light extravaganza that we have today. Instead to make the place look presentable ya would sweep up the front yard after ya finish paint, dig up the grass (none of that lawn business) maybe put down some marl or small stone out front and combined with the poinsettia and the snow on the mountain flowers blooming the place would still be looking real colorful still.

Now as I was saying before I digressed about two nights before Christmas your nostrils would light up from the scents wafting in over the breeze. It started the first night with sweet bread, Great cake and pudding and continued into the second night with the meats; delicious ham, succulent pork, turkey, chicken with the gizzards as stuffing. Heavenly scents! Everyone in the neighborhood baking at the same time and had started a day or two before Christmas because the ovens are small and ya baking enough to feed two armies so it took some time to get the job done.

Why we baking so much? You play you aint know that when Christmas day and bank holiday come round people gine be visiting and you have to have food to serve them. How it gine look bright Christmas somebody stop by and you cant even offer them two slices of sweet bread or pudding or if they is a good friend a slice of great cake. And all ya hearing;

So Santa Clause is in town
He comes but once a year
So ya vex because he came around
To visit me my dear

But Maizie in all in this heat
Wine up under the Christmas tree
Maizie I am vex because
ya making movements wid Santa clause

Maizie where is the Reindeer
Maizie I aint see no sleigh
If he have no reindeer no sleigh?
He came on BWIA

And of course as a child you don't want regular dinner those days when you start smelling those scents because you're hoping for a first slice of cake or meat that night and you staying up late dreaming of hot sweet bread. You eyes light up when the first sweet bread or piece of meat emerged from the oven and you might try to sneak off a lil taste when your mother wasn't looking but you had to be careful that she aint catch you and pelt some liks in your backside cause you know full well that the food is for Christmas and afterwards and the baking being done is as much for the guests as for the family.

Ah yes dreams of sweet bread and great cake washed down with a cold soft drink from the 2 or 3 cases that got bought from the drinks truck when it was up the street earlier that week by the village shop. A few weeks before ya had to go out in the yard, collect up all the empty drinks bottles to make sure you had a full case. Then wash out all the insects and cobwebs from those bottles cause you couldn't go and give the drinks man no nasty bottles ya kno! It wun look propa!

Then you had to make sure you knew what day the drinks trucks came to the village shop. The Banks truck came on Tuesday and the Ju-C truck Thursday so all Tuesday and Thursday ya trying ta keep a look out for the truck or if ya smart and ya on good terms with the shopkeeper (Meaning ya aint owe him no money) ya tell the shopkeeper ta give ya a call when the truck reach. Tiger Malt and Plus, Sprite, Ju-C, Bim and Frutee in all sorts of flavors from Red (Kola Champagne) to Yellow (Pineapple) and Banana and even Sorrel Flavored although the sorrel flavored ones aint taste as sweet as the real thing. You would tell the drinks man to mek sure he doan gi ya nuh stale drinks either cause if you open a drink and it flat ya gine be real vex. But those drinks had to last into January so you couldn't start drinking too early although if nobody looking you might sneak way one and even sneak a lil Falurnum in the drink to spice it up. :-)

But ya din have ta do dat too often cause first ya frighten ya get ketch and secondly ya had sorrel.

Another task for me as a youngster was to get the fresh sorrel and cut off the fruit (is fruit or is leaves?) from the seed so that it could be dried and prepared into that delicious Christmas drink. Another tedious task where the discarded portions, the big seed in the sorrel fruit, were more than the actual usable pieces, the petals which were steeped in hot water to prepare the delicious potion, and this time there were no fun worms to play with like with the peas. But the ends justified the means because the sorrel drink with a stick of clove in it was the most refreshing thing Christmas offered me as a youngster (except for the mix up sweet drink/beer/falurnum concoction that my dad did every Christmas which would knock me out for hours after Christmas dinner).

Drink a rum an a punch a crema
Drink a rum
Is Christmas morning
Drink a rum and a punch a crema
mama drink if ya drinkin

Christmas eve night everything in full gear. The cakes mostly done bake unless ya run outta gas and you weren't smart enuff to have a spare bottle in the house. I mean you know is nuff nuff baking to do so ya shoulda been prepared. Don't blame me looka try and run down by the gas station and buy a new bottle...if all aint sell out yet.

Its all the scent of meat baking that you sniffing in the air. And the sky bright with stars and outside chilly, by West Indian standards, but you still pushing ya nose through the jalousie (jealousie) window or sitting down on the step with the rest of kids indulging the sense of smell and being overcome by that feeling of Christmas. "boy you Mrs Browne like she baking a nice peica pork cross deyso." "You smell that ham that Miss Clarke baking? you that thing smell so good it got my mout watering real bad then!" "Ha ha, you smell dat? Wuhloss somebody sweet breads like dem burning." "Chupse dat cud only be Mavis wun cause you know she cann cook, wha even she husband say so."

The air smelling sweet, the stars looking brighter, the air just feeling sort of tingly on ya body. You can taste the excitement or is that smell it.

You cant wait for the Christmas morning.

One Christmas eve casually I was walking down the street
One Christmas eve casually I was walking down the street
I was attracted by the voice of a lil boy
as he strolled along the street no shoes on his feet
as he walked he continued to repeat

Listen Mama I want you to tell Santa Clause
To bring a trumpet and a concertina for me
I'm so lonely and have no children close by me
ma you don't kno how happy your son would be


Merry Christmas everyone.

Tiger again

But, you know, the guy was clean as a bleached sink. And now, this is just more irrefutable proof that, come on, nobody is.

From Gawker.com

OK this is the last last last Tiger Woods post.

Following, the whole situation (and I must say dude was definitely jumping around and humping around) I wont get caught up in too much tawdry details, actually none if I can help it, but I do notice one thing in the reporting that disturbs me and no it has nothing to do with race.

The above quote from Gawker.com actually encapsulates the whole issue. Tiger may be the last straw that ruined it for good guys. The added frenzy churned up by the media here is because Tiger's image was squeaky clean , he had a last boyscout image, he was a good guy. Well good guys not only finish last in this era but they are being hunted to extinction. They have to deal with everyone else saying its all a facade and many patiently and not so patiently waiting to see if they will fall and become just as sullied as everyone else.

Remember when having a good rep was a good thing. When ya mudda used to tell ya to be a gentleman and behave properly and have manners and treat women wid respect and show some broughtupsy and be well behaved? Well that's not the age we live in anymore. No one believes that anyone can be good or can appear too good. Its got to be a fraud, its got to be made up. Maybe he/she is a money launderer or beats their spouse in the privacy of their home or they are a pervert or have some closet drinking problem or have got some sort of hideous skeleton cause everyone all have flaws right?

That's true. We all do have flaws but that's about perfection rather than being good. There is no such thing as the perfect man/woman but good can happen. I mean it can right? Isn't it possible for there to still be good guys and girls? I think the media and society at large don't believe its possible and they took an extra pleasure from the Tiger fall to say see no one, absolutely no one in this whole earth is good at all. It was all PR, it always is is their claim cause we're all dirty, rotten to the core.

Its a very cynical, skeptical, jdid way to look at society.

I'm not really happy about that angle that they seem to be subconsciously pressing into us. Beware if it looks good its probably bad in the core is the general nudge they seem to be sending. And I don't actually believe that. I actually believe there are a few, very rare but a few folks who are actually as good as they seem. They may not be in public office or celebs, or rich but those people do exist. And their good name should not be sullied just cause some PR construct like Tiger came tumbling down.

That's all I gots to say.

Year of the outside woman

Some random thoughts.

I'm not condoning or excusing Tiger's behavior here but at the same time I just wanted to point out that as celebrity scandals go this one is relatively tame. There are no out of wedlock tiger cubs running around (at least not up to the time I wrote this), Tiger ain't beat nobody like Chris Brown, he ain't get accused of assault like Kobe, he ain't had no drugs or alcohol or shoot himself or somebody else with a gun and he ain't abuse or been accused of abusing somebody lil chile like MJ or doing anything perverted like R.Kelly and he wasn't in his office doing the do like Bill Clinton.

Yes this doesn't excuse him for his transgressions but still it does put it in perspective. I mean I think the big shock is that many had Tiger up on a pedestal as this role model, perfect gentleman, athlete and are surprised that he did what he did but so what. The way I see it is Tiger is just a reflection of society. I don't have figures but Tiger is no exception in that I think there are a fair number of married cats out there doing what he did. Not that I have numbers but I just think and y'all know that you probably know at least one cat who is cheating right now or was and got caught so don't pretend. It might not be at epidemic levels but its not exactly a real out of the ordinary happenstance either.

I mean even Rev. Jesse Jackson had his own little scandal involving a woman and he's supposed to be a man of the cloth so why lash at the Tiger.

Now here's where I get into my year of the outside woman thing. Jason Whitlock over at Fox news been saying for a while that the outside woman (well he uses another term) is the sportsperson of the year. Seems like real nuff sports related people got caught out there this year doing something while not illegal obviously immoral.

Just be thankful that Tiger didn't go out like Steve McNair whose outside woman killed him for no apparent reason this summer. And I believe the outside woman thing went beyond the world of sports. Seems like just lots of dudes got messed up by this type of behavior this year so Tiger is no exception. When will they learn I guess is the question but maybe they wont.

Look society may look differently on Tiger in light of recent events and he may pay out of his pocket by losing some endorsements etc and he may lose some respect in the short term but let him start winning tournaments as he usually does and we'll start to forget or ignore this behaviour. It'll be back to so what he's a sportsman who cares what he does in his off time if its not illegal. I mean look at the best known philanderer out there, Bill Clinton, has he lost any money from the Lewinski incident? Nope, dude still commands triple digits to give a speech and y'all know if he could have run again in 2008 he would have won. Yes we make our little jokes behind his back about his conquests but you know when he's at that podium speaking we're all rapt, listening respectfully to what he's saying.

All that said I also want to say too that everyone's getting involved in the man personal life and yes he is a celebrity but yo we don't know what was going on between him and the wife at home? They marry off real quick and the media will willingly say they didn't know Tiger and his wife they have also been so guarded with what they released and what they let us know. So we're all making assumptions. Stop that nuh! We don't know what was going on in the marriage behind the scenes, all we saw was a exquisitely sculptured facade that they put on for us. We know nothing about the real story and we wont get to hear the real story either. So just ease off the man let im give the gal money to stay (I cant even say I think that is stupid now after I say what i just say) and hope the story gives way to a more positive one in the holiday season.

And like I say to meself. the man legally change he name to Tiger. Wha wunnah expect. Tigers like to hunt.

By the way I hope nobody dont read this and think I easing Tiger I just trying to say put it in context alright.

What a bam bam

Wuhloss the people doing dixie wid the Tiger talk!

Everywhere ya going is speculation and accusation and talk about the murderation that Tiger wife allegedly inflect on he. Whax, Palax, Bruggadown Brax! Ya wud think she name Bamm Bamm Ruble the way dem say she proficent wid the club. Cuhdear!

And what inflaming the chat is that Tiger tek long long long before he come out wid some weak statement on he website about he is the only body to blame an nobody aint seeing he face at all to know how badly injured he is.

And poor poor Elin, the wife. People now got she class as bad or worse-er than Chris Brown saying that she lash the great Tiger so bad he turn puddy cat. Cuhdear!

But looka let me just say that the situation look suspicious. Adding two and two together here dont come out to four cause the man get injured so bad all from just reversing in the driveway and not speeding and no airbags deploy. Plus how come the wife lash out the back windows of the car like she was Jasmine "I bust the windows out your car" Sullivan step sister. Wha she couldnt pull he out the front windows or side windows. He did trap upside down or something so?

An whichpart Tiger was going at 2:15 in the morning so the night after Thanksgiving? He was getting in line for a Black Friday sale on golf equipment or trying to get a cheap flat screen tv before them sell out or he was gine to check for something else? I know nuhbody din getting me outta my house at 2:15 in the morning so I hope he had good cause to be leffin home that time a night.

I aint know something aint sound right.

But poor Tiger, this is a perfect example of damned if ya do damned if ya dont. If he give details we going say um sound fishy and if he keep quiet we gine say he covering up. And what to do. Dey claiming he have a outside woman an dat is why the wife lash he. Well ya know how that would look fa he career if u was true? From Cablinasian he and he career would turn black one time. Bye bye endorsements and fans. An he cant as well say boy I did running from the wife who was lashing me wid a 9 iron eidda cause the fellas would laugh and all that invincible aura on the golf course gone through the eddoes too an wid it endorsements and fans. So yes rock and hard place got Tiger trapped proper.

Not sure wha he gine do but I wish he luck. Not that he need um cause he rich and Cablinasian an can afford PR people and ting so but still well I hope this aint news fa too long cause frankly is not that newsworthy.

Still Tiger in the car is a Bam bam!

No beak spared!

Happy Thanksgiving to my US peoples.

Now I notice that allya have a tradition over there that come Thanksgiving the President duz pardon one sad solitary turkey wid a name like Freedom or Courage or something so, sparing him from becoming someone's dinner.

I was curious about this whole Presidental turkey pardon business so I did a little research and found out that the pardoned turkey duz get send to Disneyland to live out his life. Well actually they used to send the turkey to a farm previously in a place name Frying Pan farm park but that change now. Now cuhdear how wunnah used to do that to the poor turkey sending him to Frying pan park. Ya mean dem din had nuh space in Baking Pot areana? Wha anyway ya look at dat um is cruel an unusual punishment. That is like freeing a man from slavery and sending he to live in Captivity and Punishment lane or Bondage alley or Whipping road. Dat cant be right at all.

Anyways reading up some more I realize that the pardoned turkey does not even live a full year after he get pardoned, musse duz be too fat an die off of a poultry hypertension and diabetes an ting so and I say to myself so what is the point of this pardon? Save the turkey from the pot only to have it die of not even old age but whatever turkey diseases it is that turkeys duz die from when them that big. Waste a time!

So I say unto you Obama has let us down. I aint talking about health care and Afghanistan an, recession and bailouts and them sorta matters, I dealing with an issue close and dear and important to the hearts of the average American: the critical issue of turkey pardons. I mean, the man come in with all this big talk bout change this and change that an yet turkeys still getting pardon. That is completly unacceptable in my book. A total disregard for the average American family I say. How Fox news hasnt picked up on this yet I dont rightly know.

So my fellow countrymen, I believe that there is no need to pardon a turkey and if I am elected President (even doah I aint americun) I will make sure that no turkey is left unmaimed. (I also promise not to give you Universal health care like we enjoy in Canada cause frankly wunnah doan deserve it but that is for anudda day). Yes that is my full Presidental campaign platform...murderation for turkeys come thanksgiving. Not a beak spared!

Cause think about it. We in a big, big recession, poor people ketching hell, stocks down, big crooks steal we retirement funds, jobs gone a begging and some fellas cant even afford corn beef let loan turkey when the day come and you giving turkey a pardon to go run bout Disneyland wid Mickey, Goofy and Donald.

Naa star that cant mek it! That jive (turkey) cannot fly in my book. Kill off the turkey and feed an unfortunate family I say.

And ya know what get to me is that if this was an election year nuh turkey pardoning din happening eitha. Cause Obama would be on the campaign trail saying things like "An let us not forget Sarah, Sarah Parker from Wisconsin, who I met last week on the campaign trail. A single mother of 4 who works two jobs and after paying the the light and water bills cant even afford Thanksgiving dinner for her family." And then he would add a bariffle a chat about a time for change an next thing ya know turkey roasting on an open fire. I lie?

And God forbid that Palin woman had even get into the White house. Pardon which turkey?? Far from pardoning she woulda hunt down, kill wid she bare hands, pluck feathers, stuff and done got the turkey skin out on the table before eitha one a we cud say maverick two times and that would be on a regular weekday furthermore Thanksgiving.

So next year allya vote fa me. Remember the name Jdid. Not a beak spared! Looka somebody get me some campaign buttons nuh.

Cat Man

So this video has been making its way around the net lately. It shows a policeman at a traffic stop being accosted by a rather friendly cat who decides to take all sorts of liberties with the policeman.

Well I saw the Scarborough equivalent on Saturday. On my way up the street, saw a rather disheveled looking older man ahead of me making strange hand signals at a passing fire engine. First thought was mental illness, let me keep far from him but since he was heading the same direction as me I had to pass him.

Old dirty army green coat half off, pants sagging and as I got closer I got the shock of my life. What I had assumed was the black liner of a hoodie on the jacket was actually a large black tabby perched nonchalantly around old boys neck and shoulders just sitting there as calm as can be like this was the norm with his tail occasionally flicking. Strangest thing I've seen in a while. Must be nice to travel all relaxed on someone's shoulders like that.

I wonder if thats an option I can look into with these rising TTC fares. I dont weigh much, any volunteers?

Third World Bookstore

On Friday, I went to a small ceremony to dedicate a bench to the now deceased founders and owners of the former Third World Bookstore Leonard and Gwendolyn Johnston. It was held in the parkette just north of Bathurst Subway station. Big up the folk at A Different Booklist who made this all come together.

For those that dont know or remember, Third World Bookstore was a small bookstore here in Toronto, on Bathurst street a little ways north of Bloor, which operated up until about 9-10 years ago.

It specialized in Third World and Black literature filling a desperate need by the black community in Toronto.

Listening to the tributes on Friday brought back my own memories of Third World Bookstore. I think I actually discovered it by accident in first year of University. It was the spring after final exams and in all honesty I believe I was at that time straying from my usual haunts to find the Too Black Guys store (located just up the street from Third World) to get some gear (almost 20 years later, I still have those t-shirts I bought that day). On the way up Bathurst trying to find the elusive Too Black Guys, I happened to pass this interesting looking bookstore. Actually I think I walked in and asked them for directions to the store I was looking for and an elderly gentleman told me it was just around the corner.

Anyway always being a sucker for a good bookstore, on my way back from my mission I stopped in and was pretty happy to find an amazing collection of books by Black and Caribbean authors. Stuff that was missing elsewhere in the City at that time. Think I ended up with Van Sertima's They Came before Columbus on that first visit.

Over the years I returned quite a few times to that bookstore always leaving with at least one book on every occasion. I always found the atmosphere rather intriguing as there would always be some interesting conversation, political or otherwise going on between the owners and the customers who seemed to be more than customers. Unlike some I never got involved in those conversations though, too shy, content to browse the shelves while paying rapt attention as these folks with a much better gasp of issues and ability to argue than myself broke down topic after topic and how shall we say it hmmm dropped science.

It was like being in a lecture without being in a lecture.

OK that doesn't sound right but what I'm saying is it was a place of knowledge not just on the shelves but contained within its inhabitants and the conversations found there within as well.

In Toronto, I find its difficult and rare to find spots where black folk can be black folk. Some of you will understand that statement some of you wont but I don't tend to explain it here. All I'll say is Third World Bookstore felt to me like one of those places where black folk could be black folk.

So I was happy on Friday, to see tribute paid to such deserving folk and happy to hear speakers who knew them much better than myself give voice to their memories of the Johnstons and their importance in our community. Let us remember our pioneers and our history. Bless!

Typical

Ok another Rihanna story but I aint focusing on she.

Apparently Rihanna flew her family in from Barbados for some big awards show in New York. I aint really into all the details but this part of the article caught my attention

The group went on to dinner at South Gate in the Essex House, where one Rihanna relative was spotted helping America's UN ambassador, Susan Rice, pull down the lining of her gown in the ladies' room.

For me this was just so quintessentially Bajan or West Indian. cause ya know bajan women over a certain age aint gine let ya get way walking round looking scruffy at all. UN ambassador or not, it doan matter, dem wud sort ya out propa. At least Rihanna family decide to help she out in the relative privacy of the ladies room cause ya know some a we people woulda see the lining aint fit right and go over to the ambassador at she table and pull it down right deyso and call she out in a real loud loud voice too.

But I can only imagine the conversation at Rihanna's family table beforehand:

"wait who is dat wid all dem big able security mens? wait dat is Michelle!! whichpart Obama is, he hay too?"

"No chupse! doan get excited, dat is not Michelle, you like you bline or sumting ya kno! you see Sasha and Maliah anyway bout hay? plus she too lightskin, unless Michelle start bleaching like dat baseball fella Sosa. Wuhloss!"

"Ya right soul, dat aint Michelle but whoever she is she like she is a big shot ya"
Rihanna interjects to quitely inform them that its the UN Ambassador.

"See I tell you she did a big shot. I say so from the time I see all dem big muguffy security mens walk through de door"

"well big shot or not you see she dress?"

"Wha wrong wid she dress? is a nice dress."

"you aint notice yet, you like ya getting bline in ya ol age fa true"

"hey hey, well now ya say so looka she doah"

"but nuhbody cann tell she dat the dress side skin up. wha dat aint look good at all fa a big shot like she. cuhdear. ya wud figure ona dem hardback mens woulda tell she sumting"

"looka whisper cross deyso an tell she to pull down the dress"
Much to Rihanna's emabrassment, frantic gesturing and psssing at Mrs Rice who has no idea whats wrong with the people at Rihanna's table.

"She aint noticing we ya kno. poor great so n ......"

"cuhdear doan do she suh bad nuh"

"Look, look she gettin up to guh in the toilet and de dress still skin up"

"wha she cant feel dat sumting wrong and all she slip showing? she cann feel a breeze?"

"um look too bad nuh? Poor chile, looka ambassador or not, I gine in the toilet an try an tell she something"

And the rest is history.

Pan-Am games

Toronto won the rights to the 2015 Pan-Am games. Hoorah!

Ok sorry I know all of us here in Toronto are all supposed to be happy that Toronto finally won the rights to host a big event after years of being the brides maid and never the bride but the reality is I'm one of the ones who could care less about our hosting a big sporting event. Actually that's not true if anything I have a negative take on the whole hosting the Pa-Am games.

I think its a big waste of money. I mean as others are now saying, its not like Toronto has a lot or even any money to play with right now. The Federal and Provincial governments are running huge deficits, the local governments are penny pinching and also hitting residents with tax increases at every turn so how are we finding a billion dollars, that's right one billion dollars, to build a athletes village?

I mean the City is sticking us with a 17 dollar increase on a metropass in January, has us paying extra for garbage and waste collection the quality of which has deteriorated, have put extra taxes on renewing drivers licenses, transferring house ownerships etc etc etc all the while crying poor but has cash to spare to build locations for sporting events? I mean Arts and sports need to be supported but really?

Oh I know it grabs the headlines and makes for a great photo-op for the politicians to win the Pan-Am's games bid. Whoo hoo. Look we're bringing something to your town. But it doesn't help the average working man who probably wont be able to afford Pan -Am tickets, will be inconvenienced by it all and who will probably be footing the bill cause regardless of how much money the Feds and the Province say they are going to put in, the municipalities in the GTA will have to put some funds in too and this is just money we cant afford to put in. Why put extra tax on an already overtaxed populace.

Oh they sell it as it will increase profile and it will increase tourism. Yea isn't that the same stuff the Caribbean governments said about the Cricket World Cup two years ago. Yea tell me how that turned out.

This ain't even the Olympics. Its the Pan-Am games. How much press coverage do the Pan-Am games get? Does anyone know who won the last Pan-Am gold medal in any event? So why, in a recession, are we committing to spend so much money on an event that's like a warm up for the Olympics, the Commonwealth games and the World Games. Sporting events that actually matter.

Seriously this is silly and as a taxpayer I'm not happy about it one bit.

Oh thought of one positive. Nine months after the games the City might see a slew of babies with superior athletic genes and maybe Canada will be competitive in sports again in say 2036. Hmmm someone needs to do a study on that.

Grab my attention

So today I'm on the crowded subway. Not sure what happen this morning but at Kennedy it seemed more crowded than usual. No sitting room if you get on after Kennedy.

So anyway I grabbed a seat at Kennedy and I'm plugged in. By plugged in I mean I really ain't paying no attention to anyone and anything around me. Ipod going, not blasting but enough to drown out the extraneous sounds around me and trying to read the free newspaper. I took a look around when I first sat down to see who next to me and make sure nobody trying to roll a blunt again but then that's that. I'm in my own world. Listening to the Wu and trying to do a Sudoku. Hey what do you know, that rhymes!

Anyways somewhere down the line, I deeply into both my Wu and Sudoku and this young lady get in and stand up in front of me. Only saw her face when she get in and ain't pay no more attention to her.

So couple of stations later I look up and realize when she shift her position, hey she's pregnant. It actually wasn't obvious to me partly because I wasn't paying attention and partly because of the angle at which she was standing to my seat. So what do I do? I took out my earphones, looked at her and offered her a seat.

"Do you need a seat"
"No" she responds
"You sure?"
"Well I asked you for a seat earlier and you didn't say anything" She said with a scowl.
"Well I didn't hear you ask anything and I didn't notice you were pregnant" I said as I vacated my seat for her.

What da???

I mean seriously why is she upset with me. If she sees me deep in concentration on my Sudoku and earphones in my ear and clearly not paying any sort of attention to her how she going to whisper a question to me? At least try to grab my attention before she ask me something.

And the copping an attitude wid me. Chupse!

Plus was I the only one sitting that could offer her a seat? I wasn't exactly surrounded by senior citizens. If I ain't hear she ya would think that somebody else would have offered her a seat. How is this my fault? Why she getting attitude with me.

I mean, don't get me wrong at all, I ain't got nuh issues with giving up a seat for someone old or pregnant but if I ain't hear she or see she pushing bread cart so why would I randomly just get up and give way my seat?

Chupse! allya can say what ya wanta say but I feel she trying to mek me look like a bad man that deliberately ain't giving up my seat when I ain't do she nuttin.

Not so serious

Forgive me while I rant. This is my only forum to express my disgust with b.s and while reading remember that I'm sick and possibly should be on medication but I'm not so I'm more cranky than usual.

So this week a 13 year old healthy kid died of H1N1 here in Toronto. It just came out of the blue and in the relative blink of an eye he was dead. This part of the story caught my eye.

His dad took him to a walk-in clinic on Sunday afternoon, where he was seen and sent home with advice to take some over-the-counter medication.

After my experience this morning at a walk-in clinic I sort of see why stuff like that could possibly happen here. Yes people are overly panicked about H1N1 (thank you mass media) but at the same time I think (some) Health Care professionals in Toronto are the other side of the coin where there aren't panicked or caring enough.

I've been sick for a few days. Disclaimer I don't think I have H1N1 or any real flu for that matter but I am legitimately sick. Got soaked last Thursday and Friday evenings. Started with a bit of a shortness of breath over the weekend but not enough to put a dent in my activities, progressed into a cough on Monday, a major lethargy yesterday, and waking up this morning at 4 in the morning with coughing and a tightness in the chest, wheezing and gasping for breath.

Sounds bad doesn't it? Well it is but it isn't. I've been a lot worse and still made it to work. I mean I feel sick but I'm not bedridden.

Anyway when my wife woke up and heard my wheezing, she suggested I should go to the doctor. Said it sounded like I have some sort of bronchial infection. I kinda brushed her off though cause I've been sick enough times in Canada to know that most doctors want to hear you are coughing up dark green to brown Flem, have a temperature so high your name should be Johnny Storm or Johnny Blaze and sneezing to the point of distraction before they take you seriously when you have cold/flu symptoms. I get it, I do really. It's that a lot of folk panic about the slightest symptom and take up your valuable time. So you tend to want to see folks really really sick before you take them serious. Ok then. I'm not saying that is a good way to operate just that it is how it is.

So initially I said naa I'm not going to the doctor and when asked I gave her the reasons that they would poo poo my symptom because it was just that at the moment, really one symptom. Mind you in my opinion not being able to breathe properly is one doozy of a symptom but still I kinda figured they'd tell me some crap about rest and orange juice and that would be it.

Still as the morning progressed and I got dressed and ready for my day it became apparent that this breathing thing wasn't going away so I reconsidered and went to a Walk-in Clinic.

As expected, its flu season so I sat around in the waiting room for a good 2 hrs before seeing the doctor.

Now lets digress a moment to the whole waiting room experience. Yes lets have all the folks who have flu, cough and cold symptoms sit around marinating in a flimsy mask for two hours while coughing, heaving and sneezing. I ain't claiming to be as smart as these medical people that study for 10 -15 years to get qualified but why yes that would be my first solution to ward off any possibility of spreading these diseases and causing a pandemic. Just let all the germs co-mingle for as long as possible and maybe we'll nip this in the bud. Maybe my germs will fight with the viruses that another sniffling guy has and then winner takes on the perennially coughing lady's pathogens and hopefully get killed while body slamming them. Swine flu lik up regular flu will beat down and mash up Bird Flu and all disease wipe out one time! Brilliant strategy! Absolutely brilliant! Tell me these people don't deserve a Nobel prize.

And the folks who don't have any flu like ailments but maybe came into the walk-in clinic for something else well obviously sitting around in that melting pot of disease will just build up their immunity to these foreign antibodies right? So they can go forth and not spread any germs to others. Yea right!

And on the subject of a mask they make you wear while waiting to see the doctor. So a fella goes in to the clinic and says he has problems breathing and as medical professionals obviously your first thought is give him a mask to cover his nose and mouth which further restricts his breathing, increases his wheezing and has him sounding like Darth Vader. Way to go people! First class thinking outside the box. I'm glad our sharpest minds are on these health problems aren't you?

Anyway I finally got in to see the doctor after waiting two hours. My germs were still standing and might actually have made friends with some of the other viruses in the waiting room only time will tell. I told the doctor, who had the bedside manner of House by the way, my symptoms, she checks my breathing with a stethoscope on my back and chest all the while I feel myself laboring to take those deep breaths that are required. She also sticks that little lolly stick thing into my mouth and looks down my throat and then surprisingly she announces that she hears nothing wrong with my chest or breathing and that I might be on the tail end of a virus but I'm not bad off so take the rest of the day off, go home and take some Tylenol (over the counter medication, see quote from 13 year olds story above) and take lots of liquids.

Damn I should either be a doctor or a psychic cause see how I self-diagnose and predict what the doctor was going to tell me. Move over Ms Cleo, enter Mr Jdid. Call me now!

And I mean I do get it. I'm not the danger cohort of old people and young kids, I'm normally relatively healthy and I only have one symptom, the NOT BEING ABLE TO BREATHE PROPERLY THING and I don't think I have H1N1 but my symptom in my opinion is a pretty bad one and I'm not trying to waste anyone's time here but I do feel unwell and it is a possibility that I have some sort of bronchial issue. But like I said its just one symptom and its most likely not H1N1 cause I don't have a fever and the rest of symptoms so its alright to just ignore me. Thanks a lot I mean cause obviously I must be faking it and just like to go waste time putting myself at risk in the waiting room surrounded by other sick persons. Yea thanks.

Anyways that was my rant. Total dissatisfaction with the health care provided me, thank you doctor for taking my concerns so seriously. NOT! And yes while I ain't saying that I dying, I'm saying that I can see how someone with legit cold or flu symptoms or H1N1 could get passed by in this health system.

That is that. I gine hayso and self medicate.

New movies

For years I knew Hollywood was scratching the bottom of the barrel looking for movie ideas but today I see this one and all I could do was shake my head.

"Fringe" co-producer/writer Brad Caleb Kane will be writing a movie based on the View-Master toy, which first came on the market in 1939.

allya remember viewmasters? Well if ya around my age you should anyways.



But how ya duz base a movie starting with the premise viewmaster? Wha kinda plot that is? I mean if ya say a fella was looking thru he viewmaster an the images come to life that is different but base the movie simply on the viewmaster? wha dat soun like bare igrance, which probably means it will be a summer blockbuster.

Look if allya hardup for stories in holywood come check me ya kno. I have stories fa days an decades. Blockbuster can mek money type stories. So holla at me Hollywood. Doan let we start this Viewmaster thing now. I mean is bad enuff wunnah already looking to mek a Barbie movie. Looka muh crosses!

Dog Sweaters

Well the weather is getting cold up in these parts again. Actually its probably been a little colder than normal but one thing I realize about Toronto weather these days is that abnormal is the new normal. A so it go!

Anyway last week was pretty cold as mid-October goes and as I was walking along the streets of downtown Toronto I saw numerous dog walkers out with their charges decked out in dog sweaters. Y'all ever see dogs in sweaters walking bout looking like mini-people? Well boy I gine tell ya it can be quite laughable at times.

But watching these dogs in their sweaters the other evening I had one of those random strange thoughts that sometimes pass through mi brain. (Well they tell me them random and strange but to me they seem quite logical.)

Is how come they covering up the dog shoulders and belly with a sweater but the dog particulars (genitals) duz be expose to the world and the cold so?

My wife tell me I is an idiot for asking the question cause ya cant put pants on a dog and have the dog mess up the pants but I aint buying that at all.

See the way I see it and from the human experience putting myself in the dog shoes if the weather cold and I have a choice I would much prefer to have my genitals covered than my shoulders and arms. Aint that true? So why these people dont put a pair a pants pun these poodles and puppies? Ya feel de dog dont be feeling cold down there like a human wud? Especially since that area dont got nuh big lotta fur like the resta de dog body.

And if not dog pants then why not dog underwear or better yet dog diapers? I see a business opportunity presenting itself boy. Lemma guh get a patient before allya tief my dog diaper idea.

But come on man think about it, this is cruelty to dem poor defenseless, unable to talk creatures. How come PETA neva say nuttin bout the cruelty of dogs walking bout in sweaters but no pants yet? Wha dat is cruel an unusual treatment. No but Peta stan silent but let me eat a lil hamburger or Obama kill a lil mosquito and fellas wanta jump in we chest huh? I tell ya them fellas misguided or maybe they get pay off by the Dog sweater poeple cause pants and underwear for dogs should be a big big issue and they letting this thing slide meanwhile poor Rover and Spot walking bout wid their behinds expose to the world in minus God knows who weather. Ya think shrinkage in a pool for a fella duz be cruel, imagine how it must be for them poor canines facing this cold weather while their masters take leisurely strolls.

cheese on den, i barely blink an next ting i know sumbody already tief mi dog diaper idea.

Nobel

Now doan get me wrong. I still like the Obama fella but I really really scratching mi head ova wha he do to deserve to win a Nobel Peace prize today. Especially considering that dem say the deadline for the submission was sometime in late January or so just two weeks into his actual presidency.

I mean dem start giving Nobel prizes based on potential now like NBA draft pick positions? Cause the man aint really do nuttin in my opinion to win this prize and lewwe not go down that potential path cause doan let me gotta tell wunnah how that work out some years in the NBA wid fellas like Olawakandi, Andrew Bogut and Kwame Browne getting number one picks.

I mean in all fairness Obama is better than Bush and he's trying (even if not really succeeding by my standards anyways) but still wha um is he do to get a Nobel Peace prize? Ya mean to say the other competition was suh weak dat he run way wid um so?

Wait or is wunnah feel that at the Nobel prize presentation ceremony Kanye West gine jump up pun the stage tek the mic from Obama and tell we who shudda really really win this award?

Well boy I aint kno but I hayso trying to figure um out and could only conclude that the Nobel committee was trying to manners President Obama. And yes he is now well manners-ed. Allya might look at me like wha you talkin bout Jdid but let me explain.

I simply tellin wunnah dat dem sneaky Nobel fellas tek a leaf outta Dubya book an this is a preemptive strike. See by giving Obama the Peace prize now he cant guh an start nuh sorta wars nuh time soon. He hands tied. Lock off, tie down, under heavy manners, restricted, manners-ed.

Ya cud juss see Obama standing up by the whiteboard in de Oval office this morning, after receiving the news, wid he to do list chupsing and vex vex vex.

- lets see now hmmm invade Iran and give dem Ayatolla bwoy a good beating. chupse! gotta cross dat out now.

- Yes I, send more troops to Afghanistan to lash dem Tailiban rudebwoy, mek dem guhway! cha, cant even do that.

- Invade North Ko...... nope nope cant even think about that one now

- ah ha! rough up that likkle (insert relevant clot) yout Chavez down in a South America. (Advisor shakes head.) mi ave fi cross dat one deya off too? cha mi cant even rough im up likkle bit?

- Lash anudda fly in a de studio. What! how ya mean PETA would consider that an act of war. Mi ave fi cross dat wun out too?

- Invade Canada and annex Alberta to get some oil.... well naa, well umm , ummm well maybe, naa, well. see mi, mi will leave that fi now. I really dont think anyone would notice if I do it though.

Another example

Sorry to make this a celebrity blog the last few days (but since nuhbody aint reading anyways then whatever) .

Let me just briefly talk bout this David Letterman thing. Talk show host David Letterman get on his show last week and came clean about him having relationships with women who used to work for him in the past. Basically it came out cause somebody was blackmailing him.

While I feel for him and all that clearly he is being handled with the celebrity gloves (which are even softer than kids gloves by the way) cause seriously having relations with lackeys and underlings is just a really really bad thing to do. This aint no Mad Men era. This is 2009. Any other non-celebrity boss who was doing something like, even if they come clean and sounded contrite would probably have been shown the door for that inappropriate behaviour. I mean this is David Letterman, as weird looking as he looks he's famous as anyone in the showbiz world and it's not like the man would be hard done to find some chicks outside the workplace to have relations with.

But since he is a ratings magnet, CBS is dealing with him like nothing happened. Just lets pretend there is nothing to see here and it will go away.

And before someone says oh shut up its his personal business who cares. Well it is his personal business but its an ethical breech of code. If he was picking up random chicks or dudes in a bar , then that is a personal thing but when ya hitting on coworkers and staff thats just not only messed up its wrong.

But its not like Dave's going be fired or even reprimanded. So whatever

Polanski

I still trying to understand this whole Roman Polanski arrest thing. This thing just got me scratching my head.

No is not that he just get arrest although I seriously wondering why dem aint try and get he lil sooner. Um is that people in Hollywood actually signing petitions in support of a man that openly admit that he commit statutory rape.

I mean doan get me wrong, I think summa dese young girls way too fast an forceripe but come on man, a 43 year old man sleeping wid a 13 year old? That is beyond ridiculous. A man old enuff to be she father. A man old enough to have seen life and to know right from wrong.

No man no excuses at all cant save he. he cudda been drunk, high, or mad an I still find his acts inexcusable.

An den de man plead guilty and run away from the law like he feel he name Dr Kimble in de Fugitive. Yet these people like Whoopi Goldberg and Woody Allen etc got the audacity to support he. Well Woody Allen I aint surprised bout cause he got a freakiness in he too sleeping wid he adopted daughter or step daughter or whatever um was. Sick sick people. Doan let me even mention the rumours bout Morgan Freeman cause he is a fella dat really mek muh shame lately.

But back to Polanski. Boy celebrity status is a ting aint it? You dun know if this was you, me or Joe sixpack that was accused a this crime and had plead guilty and then went on the lam and end up in France working in somebody vineyard or at somebody factory mekkin shoelaces or door handles that nuhbody din signing nuh petition fa we. Everybody wud be like well he do the crime an he deserve ta guh jail and let the other criminals deal wid he. I lie?

But cause this Polanski fella is a man dat mek summuch an summuch movies now he special, so we should gi he a pass. Man hell no. Let he guhlong ta court and face justice just like everybody else.

Wunnah hollywood people need jesus that is wha. Supporting a criminal like he so dat troubling lil girls. shame shame on wunnah.

Pass the kutchie

Smoking the indo by the window is tricky
Mad izm - Channel Live

It must be me. I like I duz attract strange people. Wha juss today somebody walk down the hall in front a me an I aint sure whether um is a he, she or caster semanya but anyways.....

In the last month twice have I been on public transit in Toronto and someone next to me pulled out a baggie of weed and started playing with it.

The first time was late last month coming home from the Ex (National Exhibition) one night on the Bathurst streetcar sitting down in the back. Not too many people on the streetcar so dude gets in, proceeds to pull out his little ziplock bag of what could pass for fresh spices and starts to sift through it. I aint got nuh experience in this but from what I'm told he was picking out seeds. I try not to stare, he has his head down in his weed bag, picking out whatever he picking out and I just sit incredulously thinking this is crazy and real brazen too (although to be honest I hear the police duz give people a pass these days with minute amounts of weed although I doan know for sure). Anyways he did his thing, our eyes never met, after 5 minutes of sifting he put the bag back in his pocket and that was that. End of story.

The second time was today. Big skinny baldhead skinhead looking cat in his late teens or early 20s comes and sits next to me at Kennedy station. Now I don't be looking at people too hard on the train but I like to know who next to me just in case anything happen I can identify somebody. Plus there was a curious smell about this guy. Couldn't place it at first cause it wasnt exactly weed but it was weed-like.

Anyway train pulls out and dude goes into full "How to roll a blunt" tutorial mode like Redman. I mean when I see the lil bag of green stuff come out I say to myself not another one. Cheese on bread ya mean twice in one month I gotta be next to these poppits! Dude then proceeds to put his hands into said bag, pull out some green stuff and put it in pieca newspaper. He sifts through it a couple of times then does something or the other with a cigarette pulls out a wrapper puts the weed in it and then rolls, folds and licks. All this took about 6 stations or roughly 12 minutes or so.

Meanwhile train full full cause its rush hour and people looking on. I sitting there thinking this man is a real poppit but is this a crime or is it not a crime and if its a crime what the hell does one do? Mind you I'm like if a man suh igrant to pull out he weed and roll a spliff next to me then I aint igrant enuff ta step to he an say nuttin cause next thing I like dat fella dat get he head chop off in the greyhound bus or something so so lemma juss leff he loan. Now if he light um up there and then that is a different story cause we gine got issues though.

Unbelievable or is that Unbeweedable!

Choices choices

Man I just love people in the fast food service industry. Minimum wage is a hell of a motivator. NOT!

Take for instance today. I order lunch at this fast food place. Service ahead of me was real surly cause a woman ask for some pepper sauce and the way the server throw it on her tray it was like de woman was a beggar rather than a paying customer.

So I make my order and the server woman asks

"what sauce you want with that?"

"What are my choices" I ask.

"ammm, Barbecue, Sweet n sour or Ranch."

"Ok I'll take Sweet n Sour."

Without even breaking eye contact, without even glancing at the sauces, the woman then says.

"We only have Barbecue."

Now if I did throw a big rock at she, allya wud say I cruel but why she give me choices when she know that there were no options? Dat cud mek sense?? stupid stupid people. lawd ave mercy.

New Technology + Old Eediat =

nuff jokes for me and you.

Take this case

In a sign of how compelling social networking has become, Jonathan G. Parker of Fort Loudon, Pennsylvania stopped to log into Facebook - on the computer in the house he was allegedly robbing at the time.

Yes wunnah aint read wrong, de man did robbing de people house and stop to check into facebook. You cud imagine that doah? Wha kinda poppit he wud gotta be doah?

I wunda if he change he status to something like Jonathan Parker is collecting the loot, or Jonathan Parker really thought this house had more money in it or Jonathan Parker is getting paid son! paid!

Thats what I would do anyways if I happened to be as dense as Jonathan Parker (which for the record I am not).

I wonder now he in jail if he gine be on facebook and what his status would say. Things like Jonathan Parker is currently looking at two to five or Jonathan Parker wonders why that big dude is looking at him all funny or Jonathan Parker says never ever ever EVER drop the soap when you're in the pen. lol

What can I say common sense aint suh common these days boy.

de Hypocrite dem (me)

Ok Caribbean people admit it, its just not me or maybe it is, but when you heard that American sprinter Tyson Gay ran 9.69 in Shanghai this weekend, the same time Bolt did at the Olympics last year, allya first thought was steroids right? Come on admit it, confession good for the soul. I know mine were.

And then I had to stop myself and say but is why when Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt run 9.69 and recently a world record 9.58 seconds I didnt have those same thoughts? How come I can argue that Bolt can do these phenomenal times running clean on breadfruit and yellow yam but I cant do the same when Gay run them?

Forgive me for the self indulgence but I just trying to analyze any hypocrisy in my thought process. Is it that when I see a Jamaican/Caribbean man running them times then I believe that he's clean cause I more easily empathize with him than with an American? Is it that I can justify Bolt's rise to prominence because I was hearing about him from the time he was 15 or since he bout half a foot taller than most sprinters I can justify the whole longer strides, less strides to the finish argument?

Or is it that I just bias bad against Americans cause I already see evidence of that in my reaction to Bolt's showboating. Ya done know I would be cussing arrogant Americans for their showboating if they behaved the way Bolt does sometimes. So yea I really that bias fa true? I trying to understand this thing so help muh.

Rationalizing it, I guess I could argue that Powell supposed to be injured this season at least that was his argument all season long when Bolt was cuttin he tail. How a man wid supposed groin injury so duz just run 9.69 seconds like that? That is like telling me a one leg man can win the triple jump.

But then I look at these phenomenal times by all these modern day sprinters (not just Bolt, Powell and Gay) and think but how these men cutting a tenth of a second off the 100m times so? I mean before people was cutting maybe a hundredth if they lucky two hundredths and times were like 9.92 and 9.86, 9.84 and such and all a sudden just so literally in the blink of an eye we jump from everybody in the 990s to everybody in the 970s and such and the top men down in the nine sixes and nine fives? How all a sudden mankind mek that leap and get so so fast so? Is it the training? We mek so many new advances in training that the men can get that fast that dramatic? Is it in the shoes? I mean the Swimming applecart get offset wid them new fancy full body swimsuits that had everybody an their granny brekkin records this year so ya never know about the shoes? But what if is something else.

I dont know man. Is a skeptical world we living in, and I can be in the running for chief skeptic sometimes cause something just dont seem right to me now.

I can deal wid one man being a freak of nature, a phenom, a once in a lifetime occurrence but when ya see two fellas and more at the same time so. You gotta start thinking odds and probability and while it could happen ya duz juss feel a ways that something or somebody aint playing fair. Maybe I a lil jdid by the whole baseball world and their accusations and the things that get expose over the years and that clouding muh judgment cause well sprinting aint exactly been known to have the best reputation lately.

That is all I got to say for now cause I cant prove nuttin and hearsay and innuendo aint a good look on me. I gine accept that I Jdid am biased but at the same time I got a certain feeling and without pointing fingers saying something here does not feel right.

Grabbalicious or too tiefy

INDIANAPOLIS - A woman who worked catering events for the University of Notre Dame says it was her lucky day when the school tipped her $29,000 in her check. But now the university is suing to get back the money she says she's already spent......

Notre Dame contends Gaspar should have been paid only $29.87, but was overpaid because of a typing error. The school says in a lawsuit filed Aug. 27 in South Bend that Gaspar did not notify the school about the error, and instead spent the money knowing it wasn't hers.

Read the rest here.

Now I know some wont agree with me here but seriously she really thought they gave her a $29,000 tip on a 29 dollar bill? Get real now!

Look this is a recession, even in the bling bling days of nuff waste and thing so money was probably tight at most universities (if not why dem always calling ya, interrupting ya dinner asking for donations uh?), dem wasnt gine give she no $29,000 tip. Is not like universities is philanthropists like Bill Gates and Oprah and them other big money fellas that duz walk into a diner and gi way a bus load of gold and three pints a magic beans.

I mean for one it would be highly highly improper from my viewpoint for any university to be giving she summuch money as a tip when university fees all over duz be going up year after year to the point where a fair number of the average students duz be ketching hell, finding all sorta ways legal and illegal, to finance a degree. I mean if the university got that sorta money to rain on caterers use ya common sense them shud be lowering school fees or something so.

Now alright maybe she did call and nobody got back to her from the university, although the university say she aint call, but I still feel she had an onus to go back to the people place and say look I feel wunnah overpay me, this cheque aint look right at all. Give me some sorta info as to if this is really for me or not. Confirm all this is mine, dot the is and cross the ts and let me get it in writing or talk to a big up to mek sure I can go and spend this. Not say oh well them aint call me back, so I guess um musse mine. I mean 29,000 aint like 10 dollars that ya might see blow cross the road that ya can go pick up and say well this is my lucky day.

Man nuttin so doan come fa free, ya duz even gotta pay a two dollar to win the lottery. She too tiefy and grabbilicious. Looka try an pay the people back dem money ya ol crook ya.

Serena Meltdown

Lovely weekend for black celebs wasn't it? Kanye, Serena and to some extent Jordan depending on who you speak to. Oh and just for the record black folk just cause they black dont mean you have to be upset by their actions and get into that whole they let down the race rhetoric. Kanye aint family to you, Serena dont know you from a hole in the wall so whatever alright.

Still I wanted to comment on Serena's meltdown at the U.S open on Saturday. It was a meltdown almost worthy of the great John McEnroe. ESPN described it as a "profanity-laced, finger-pointing tirade" oh my! There was Serena pointing her racquet and berating the poor lineslady who looked like she wished she could small up herself and escape the serious busing Serena was raining down on her. Cuhdear! I mean I din even there and I did feel a way about how Serena was carrying on to the woman.

And when the match ref came out I was waiting for the lineslady to buss into tears and run hide up behind the man and shout out "daddy, daddy that woman dere unfairing me", that was how scared she looked. Probably peed in her pants poor ting. Shame, shame on you Serena.

But to me the most interesting stuff happened at Serena's press interview after the match. One reporter told Serena that the lineslady said she felt threatened and Serena tried to play it off, with comments like she's never been in a fight in her life and making it seem like she is such a dainty never hurt a fly soul and it was absolutely ridiculous for this woman to be afraid of her.

Well Serena sorry if I disagree with you there. First off I'm a dude but if you had shook your racquet and cussed me out like you did that woman on Saturday I'd be a little afraid so you cant really question why this little wisp of a woman, 100 lbs wet, would be frighten of a big Amazonian built Serena with a racquet shaking at her. Seriously what world do you live in where you question why that woman would be afraid of you.

Not to mention you're big and black and from a certain perspective you can be a tad bit oh who am i kidding scary as ass. Yea I shouldn't go there but lets be real. There are average non-threatening black folk, smaller than you, shorter than you, not holding any implements like racquets or anything more scary than a mocha latte who scare the crap out of folks of other race every single day. Why would you think with a big racquet that could be used as weapon being waved menacingly that this woman shouldn't be afraid of you? Come on now.

And consider ya self lucky too Serena cause if that was me or anudda average black fella or woman off the street getting on so we would have already been maced, tasered and Rodney Kinged by about 50 policemen.

And may I also say your behavior was like school on a weekend, no class. Yes the lineswoman screwed up the calls and you were upset but damn girl ya naa have no broughtupsy? I mean its bad enough when guys act like that but women, and black women and black women with some standing, who could be perceived as role models. Come on now! You played yourself! I I did family ta ya I would feel shame but I aint so whatever.

Hugh Hef

(I staying way from all things Caster Semenya he/she related)

but eh eh, allya hear that Hugh Hefner getting divorce? Yes Hugh Hefner, the playboy fella, playboy mansion, playboy bunnies, ol gal-yst, trailor load a girl, world a girl, nuff gal an gal in a bundle fella. Yes, that Hugh Hefner.

Well the first question I had was wait Hugh Hefner married fa true? Wha I dont think many people did know that. Cause I mean the man doan live in the Playboy Mansion wid he girlfriends and have a a gazillion young tings in skimpy undress running roun the house? I mean I know fellas that wanta grow up to be Hugh Hefner. (not me mind you I barely dodging death wid de one I got so I aint want nuh multiple womens to kill me). And now you telling me the man Hugh Hef was married? Man wunnah lie!

And the big joke is Hugh Hefner claim the ex-wife horn he. He say she cheat on he during the marriage.

Well looka muh crosses. Imagine this man got woman galore an complaining he divorcing cause the wife cheat on he. Wha all I could do is laugh.

But looka this ting fa true. On anudda note though now I aint know if wunnah familar wid dis story but recently the rapper Nas get divorce from he wife Kelis. De woman got a chile fa he an he gotta pay $9000 a month in child support and anudda $30 something thousand a month in spousal support to she cause apparently she duz only mek a measly, poor-raky, $13,000 a month which apparently is not enuff ta properly raise nuh chile on. Supposedly! Meanwhile nuff a we would be glad to see $13,000 every year or 6 months furthermore a month. Chupse!

Anyways you would imagine that Nas a lil two by three rapper, nuh disrespect son, you good but you aint nuh Jay-Z, Jigga big figure, "business, man not a business man" type paying a whopping $44,000 in support monthly and big Huge Hef, multi multi-millionaire, founder and owner and chief top dog of the Playboy skin out empire only paying he ex-wife $20,000 a month?

Wha cuhdear Nas you get unfair boy.

Schools in

A lovely back to school morning it was. Subway slower than usual with the prerequisite delays for the new school year etc etc.

Recently the news had a story about the desire to kill the kilt ie the plaid skirts that catholic school girls wear due to immodesty. They say the skirts getting too short. Well I really didn't pay much attention to either the skirts or the story but then on my bus ride to work this morning one young school girl got in wearing a ridiculously short skirt. I mean if the skirt had been any shorter we would be calling it a belt, if the skirt was any sorter it would be a kirt, if the skirt was any shorter well I got a few more metaphors but I going leave them off this blog for now so come up with your own.

And it didn't help that she seemed to want to show off her skirt or lack thereof either. She stood up massaging the bus pole (training for her future career I'm guessing) while numerous seats were available and she kept leaning over to talk to a friend who was sitting. I guess maybe there was some young boy who was titillated by all this but really for such a young girl, skirt was way too short. How parents duz let dese children leff home looking so though?

No wonder the school boards want to ban the kilt.

Must be mad

A 61-year-old man has been charged with child cruelty after allegedly slapping a toddler he did not know when she would not stop crying.
Police claim Roger Stephens slapped the two-year-old girl four times, leaving her face red, after warning her mother to keep her quiet in a Wal-Mart in Atlanta, Georgia.
'See, I told you I would shut her up,' he said to the mother after the attack, according to a police report.

Read the rest here.

Slap my chile!! My CHILE! Who!! Naa star cant happen.

Now looka I'm all for a village raising children and I know back in the days if a child did doing foolishness a neighbour might cut he tail and send he home to get he tail tarnish again by the parents but a complete stranger stepping to a child and hitting it in Walmart? Totally outrageous.

It says here after the incident they call security for him. Call security for who? Look if he did hit my child they wun be no calling of security it would be ambulance or undertaker they calling cause I woulda wash he way in some propa blows.

Imagine the poor chile crying, a lil two year old of all things, a toddler, and he a big hardback old man slap the chile 4 times. Wha he could only want two bullpisle lashes in he back? Whapax!

Look I see many children crying in public places for apparently no reason all the time. I admit that it can be annoying at times but hey its for the parents to deal with plus at most times there are totally legitimate reasons for the tears anyways especially if the child is that young and doesnt have the means to express itself verbally. All you can do is accept that.

I do see folks on the subway who get mighty upset when a child is crying though, like the chile interrupting their sleep or they dont feel the chile has as much right to be on the train as they do. Get over it people! Accept it, make the best of it, smile at the chile, move on.

But I feel this man coulda only have mental problems or be drunk or on drugs cause how he gine haul off and slap up somebody chile dat he aint kno so doah? Wha in this day an age that is a real risk. Suppose the mudda did haul out a gun or a knife and juck he through or pick up some a Walmart cutback specials and gi he a cutass. Wha dat wud be he own fault. Poppit!

Convenient Memory

I thought I was done wid this Rhi Rhi nonsense since she expose sheself to all an sundry but Chris Brown chupse! Who you really trying to fool?

Wunna could believe this Chris Brown fella though? Look in local Bajan parlance this Chris Brown fella could only be a real johnny or as a certain teacher at high school used to say a John John. Wha I could only believe that is what wrong wid he cause he head cant be right.

I mean he get on Larry King Live on big CNN (to be telecast tomorrow night) and boldly say he dont remember hitting the girl Rihanna? Wha looka muh crosses though!! He black an blue the woman face and send the poor chile to hospital and have the gumption to say he don't remember. Well well well!

Now as an aside, nuhbody like dem doan like this Rihanna girl doah. Poor chile! Cause I been reading the internets, yes the blogs and the message boards and the facebooks (but not the twitters) and I realize something. I notice that nuff nuff African-Americans use this incident and the fact that Rihanna and he used to tussle to let loose all dem deep seated prejudices and talk foolishness bout Caribbean women. Yes I see it clearly all over the place.

And I see also that other Caribbean nationals use dis chance and their prejudices to talk foolishness bout Bajans and Bajan womens too. Wunnah know who wunnah is, shame shame on wunnah.

I mean I aint got none a dem issues I just duz diss she cause she went Cawmere and as a Kolij man myself I doan particularly like Cawmere people. (Look I just joking ya). Naa I duz just laugh at she occasionally cause I duz be shame to see a big bright Cawmere girl like she end up in these predicaments and aint using she common sense (dat cud neva happen to a Kolij or QC girl by the way. Nevers! ) Amm wha wunnah mean the Bajan PM went Cawmere and he gine tek way my passport? Looka let me reiterate dat I juss joking alright.

But seriously some of the comments I've seen is like the girl did name Jacob and steal somebody birthright (read wunnah bible if wunnah doan get the reference wunnah heathens). Is like she tek something that din hers or she shun be riding the big time cause she from a small two by three island dat doan even show up pun the globe properly depending on scale sometimes. Cuhdear! Wunnah need to realize we bajans aint wait fa juss she to represent we ya, learn wunnah history we been contributing to the world long time as small as we is.

I did juss wanta say that. But now back to this Chris Brown poppit.

How he gine get pun the people tv and tell people he dont remember hitting she? Ya mean he hit she so hard that he feel the lash and um gi he amnesia? Wuhloss den!

An why all a sudden he dressing like Urkle. Wha I half expect he to start off wid a "did I do that?" in a Urkle drawl. Actually come to think of it that might have been a better response than he don't remember.

Or is the bowtie training for a position with the Nation of Islam? Chris I wanta know wha de bowtie all about man.

Oh I get it the bowties supposed to mek you seem gentler and kinder like you wun hurt a fly? Yea Chris amm you really feel somebody gine fall fa that big trick?

Yea right good attempt at damage control an ya might succeed wid certain poppits but to me this is too little too late boy. They say the record label might drop ya so now ya frighten and trying to portray good boy. I guess Rihanna was good girl gone bad and you gine be bad boy gone good.

Plus I guess the fact that it came out in the sentencing that this abuse thing wid you wasnt nuh one time thing (as bajans was saying from day one cause we did hear bout how he mash up the girl car in bim) and there had been several prior incidents of abuse got ya in bare pottuh or to use another bajan term to explain the bajan term pottuh ya in duck's guts.

So yes Mr Brown, you aint really fooling nuhbody wid ya baby blue preppy sweater. Even if you forget it we see the pictures and we know ya beat up the woman. Man up and tek ya liks. Say sorry, say ya got issues, say ya will never do it again but doan say ya doan recollect the incident. Wha you is the Hulk that you turn green and then duz wake up in ya bividees and ask wha juss happen? Chupse! Son this whole I doan remember thing is just cartoonish. Ya mekkin yaself look even worse than before, worser i guess.

Three for one

Three of my favorite stories of the past few days.

First

• A recent study by the Max Planck Institute in Germany found that marrying a younger woman may be the key to living a longer life. According to the study, men who married women 15 to 17 years their junior were less likely to die prematurely.

I love this story, you know bare men now going be using this as an excuse to chase young girls in fact I already warn the wife about her replacement being imminent. Needs to find me a lil young yam to keep me warm in my old age or at least let me get to see old age cause de wife still doing her best to try to knock me off prematurely.

Speaking of de wife. Boy I like I cant mek no more a dese jokes about her on this blog cause I see this story yesterday

• Veteran comedian Sundra Croonquist, who is a regular on the Hollywood comedy circuit, has been hit with a defamation lawsuit filed by her own mother-in-law, who is tired of hearing ethnic-stereotype jokes about the family.

Wuhloss, de mudda in law get so tired a de jokes at her expense that she sue. Wha imagine if my wife ever read this story? I wud be in bare trouble then. Well actually it doan matter she cud sue but half or all a nuttin is still nuttin so I aint scared.

And then my favorite story this week. This one from Mali where the government just put into place a new family law that say that women dont have to obey their husbands. Apparently this law has the whole country in an uproar and people real vex about it. Read here. The big joke for me though was this quote from this woman who is the president of the National Union of Muslim Women's Associations (NUMWA) and is against the new law,

• "A man must protect his wife. A wife must obey her husband," she says " It's a tiny minority of woman here who want this new law; the intellectuals. The poor and illiterate women of this country, the real Muslims, are against it."
  

I mean I've heard people wield the poor and illiterate rhetoric like it is a badge of honor before but really in this situation does this statement make you look good or help out women? I think not. Basically from this I read well we that dont know any better do not want this law. Why is wunnah edumacated people trying to offset our culture and stop us wallowing in stupidity.

Maybe thats not what she meant but thats my interpretation.